WT-101: Saturday [3/3]

[The_First_Delta_Knight]

>
> PART 4

SERVO: In a series of five thousand.

> ***************

CROW: Hey, it's the Battle of the Fanfic Stars!

> Usagi stood over Chibbi Usa's bed , stroking her cotton candy pink

SERVO: HEY! That was uncalled for!

> hair mindlessly . She looked at the silent sleeping child . She stirred
> slightly in her sleep every once and a while but that was normal .

CROW: [Sarcastically] THANK you, Crystal Anne, for making sure that we were
aware of that fact.
SERVO: Two words: Anal retentive.

> Usagi
> sighed and set in a chair beside the bed . Watching her she fell asleep .

CROW: You know, they recently found that scene on the cutting room floor... You
can only find it in the Director's Cut.
SERVO: Spiffiness defined!

> *****

SERVO: You know, the asterisk-to-plot ratio is almost two hundred to zero.

> "Come on Usagi wake up it's time to get up !" No movement from the
> sleeping Usagi .

CROW: Try a chainsaw. Always works for me.

> "Usagi it's eight o'clock your late for school !"
> "What I'm late !" The now awake Usagi said .
> "No your not it's 6:00 a.m. "Setsuna said calmly .

CROW: (Deadpan) Hahaha that's very funny it is six o'clock am ha ha ha.

> "Why did you get me up this early ?"
> "You need to get out of the house before Chibbi Usa wakes up at
> 7:00 ."
> "Why?"

SERVO: (Setsuna) I'm afraid that would fall under the category of 'needed
information' and thus will not be included in this fanfic.

> "Look her mother is dead , she can't attach to you . It will just
> make her more pain and she has to leave . Please you need to leave before
> she gets up .

CROW: (Usagi) You already *told* me that, you dumb heifer!

> Get dressed your leaving in 45 minutes ."
> With that she walked out of the room . Usagi got dressed . And was ready
> in 30 minutes .

CROW: Oooh! See, she *had* forty five minutes, but since she's so damned
*efficient*, she got ready in thiry!

> She sat down and ate a quick breakfast and fixed her a
> lunch .

SERVO: With every passing word, I become more and more convinced that Crystal
Anne is nothing more than a big, dumb HICK!

> 5 minutes until she had to leave . She got up and went back into
> the room where Usa was staying . Stocking her hair

CROW: Hey! Hair thief!

> she whispered " I'm
> sorry I have to leave you , but your father needs you right now . You must
> understand . Right now I hope you will little one ." She walked out of the
> room and walked to school .

CROW: How touching.
SERVO: I wouldn't say that.

> **************************

CROW: Brand new Hubble Space Photographs. Tonight at ten.

> She got there 15 minutes early and actually got there before Mako

SERVO: [Sarcastic to the point of overload] Wow. Really? BEFORE Mako?
ImPRESSive.

> . She sat under a tree and talked to Ami .
> "Wow ! Usagi here early ! Are you Okay ?"

CROW: (Usagi) No. Me Usagi. You Okay. This Basil. This smack.

> "Yes I'm fine . I'm not sick or anything ."
> "Hi Ami ! How's it going ?"She said walking from behind the tree .

SERVO: What in the hell is going on!?

> "I'm fine ."
> "Ami am I seeing things or is Usagi sitting right next to you ?"

CROW: (Ami) Umm, who are you?

> "I'm here early , can you give me a break !" Usagi said .
> ********

SERVO: And *this* scene just sorta... Dies...
CROW: And we *still* don't know who in the hell the third mystery guest was.

> ********************

SERVO: The stars... The stars...

> "How was school ?" a courous Luna asked .
> "School went fine ." she snapped back ."

CROW: Oooh, touché!

> " Usagi the next senchi meeting is at four today ."
> "Okay , okay I'll be there . I'm going for a walk Luna , See ya
> around . She walked towards Setsuna's place .

CROW: I think this was another of those 'Directors Cut Only' scenes.

> *****************

SERVO: I feel like I'm in a convertable somewhere.

> "Hello Setsuna , Chibbi Usa ." Usagi said coming into Setsuna's
> house.
> "Mommy !" the little picked hair girl

SERVO: Meaning...?
CROW: A girl with pickled hair, Servo. Honestly, I don't see what's so hard in
visualizing...

> ran up to her . Usagi
> immediately picked up the girl . She looked at Setsuna and she was
> shaking her head sadly .

SERVO: (Setsuna) Usagi just can't keep her hands off the little kids...

> No . I will not ... I have to

CROW: (Crystal Anne) I will not... I can not... No more fanfic... Oooh, the
pain...

> , I just hope the
> goddess watches over
> her , She thought . I need to speak to you alone Usagi , now . Chibbi Usa
> gripped me tighter in protest for me not to put her down .

SERVO: So Crystal Anne has finally written herself into this fanfic? You *know*
it was inevitable.
CROW: As the Goddess, so it seems. You knew it was coming.

> After she
> finally let go , Usagi went into the back with Setsuna . "Usagi , my
> princess ..."Setsuna began "... Small Lad...Chibbi Usa has to leave
> tomorrow evening ."

CROW: ...Or maybe Crystal Anne just snapped entirely.

> "You can't do that !"Usagi screamed in rage . "You can't take her
> from me not yet , She isn't ready !"

SERVO: You can't handle the truth!

> "I know , but she has to go back before he .."

CROW: Oooh, *awkward*.

> "He will won't he ?

SERVO: Uhh, that's 'He won't will he?'

> and if she ... Your right she can't loose him
> to ."

CROW: To *who*!?

> She will leave at the at eight , the docks ."

SERVO: Any old port in a storm, you know?
CROW: You're giving me a Donald Pleasence flashback.

> "But ..."
> "You know why ... I have to tell small Lady..." She sighed , "I
> mean Chibbi Usa ."
> Usagi nodded slowly . Not letting the tears fall from her eyes .
> She looked straight into Setsuna magenta eyes and nodded .

CROW: She nodded, she nodded. Oh, how she nodded.

> Setsuna thought

SERVO: For a change.

> <I can feel your grief child I'm sorry , but this is how it must be .> As
> Setsuna walked out , Usagi slid down the wall and curled up into a ball .

CROW: (To SERVO) Remind you of anyone?
[CROW and SERVO snicker]

> Crescent-moon shineing brightly on her forehead .

SERVO: She should put some powder on that to stop the glare.

> She cried silently to
> herself . She heard Chibbi Usa scream "I don't wanna go Puu !

CROW: Potty training will never be the same again.

> I'm safe
> here Mommy's here ! Let me stay I want to stay in this time ! I don't want
> to go back to my Time don't make me Puu Please don't make me ."

SERVO: Is it me, or is that probably the silliest line of dialogue *ever*
uttered?
CROW: Let's try to ignore it.

> She could
> here Chibbi Usa crying . Usagi got up and went to the girls side like any
> mother would .

CROW: Girls side? Is this like the wedding in Fiddler on the Roof?

> Chibbi Usa clutched onto her shirt and wouldn't let go .

SERVO: (Chibbi Usa) See these? These are MINE. Only *I* can touch things which
are
mine.

> Chibbi Usa curled up into Usagi's lap a cried softly . Usagi cried softly

CROW: What a *touching* scene.

> into her ping hair until she realized it was 3:50 . Usagi picked up a
> sleeping Usa trying not to wake her . Setting her gently on the couch

SERVO: ...Usagi plunged the knife into her chest over and OVER again!

> Usagi left for the meeting . She got to the meeting late as usual . "Your
> Late again Meat-Ball Head

CROW: Sad thing is, in this fanfic that counts as character development.

> when are you ever going to take some
> Responsibility ?" Usagi wasn't in the mood for this .

SERVO: (Usagi) I'm not in the mood for this. I'm not in the mood for this.

> "Rei , I am taking
> responsibility ! I have other important things to take care of also !"

CROW: (Usagi) Like my mitten collection!

> It
> was then Rei and the others saw the dry tears that streaked her face .

SERVO: Tears from a rock.

> Her
> normally blue eyes were puffy and red . Usagi was doing her best to keep
> the crescent-moon from shining on her forehead .

CROW: Say... She never officially ended her LSD flashback!

> "Usagi,..." Luna asked
> "...what's wrong ?"

CROW: (Usagi) I have a strong mental dementia stemming from this fanfic.

> "Nothing that someone responsible would need to worry about ."
> Usagi muttered . With that she ran off not knowing where she was going .

SERVO: Well, my guess would be straight ahead.

> Tears clouding her vision she ran . After some time , she found herself
> under a tree in the park .

CROW: (Usagi) Well, how did THAT get there?

> She sat there for a long while . It was so
> serene she didn't want to leave , yet it was almost dark and she couldn't
> get grounded . She trudged home . She explained the best she could to
> Chibbi Usa that she could not stay at Setsuna's house .

SERVO: I hear this fanfic made sense until the studio destroyed some scenes.

> After that she
> went straight to bed , not eating dinner . That night she didn't sleep
> well . She kept on mumbling "Chibbi Usa come back to me ... Please come
> back ."

CROW: Maybe if she'd have STOPPED MUMBLING she'd fall asleep easier.

> The next day Usagi showed up late for school and fell asleep in
> class getting a after school

SERVO: Okay, most irritably easy rule of grammer: Never use the word "a" right
before a vowel. I mean, COME ON, Crystal Anne!

> detention . Usagi wanted to go straight to
> Setsuna's house but was told by Setsuna that She could not be there until
> 7:30 .

CROW: How amazingly fascinating.

> ************

SERVO: A traffic light, perhaps?

> End of part 4

[Commercials]

>
> Part 5 :Good bye

CROW: Okay, nice meeting you. Let's go.

> *************************

SERVO: They keep on growing and growing...

> At 7:25 she arrived at Setsuna's house . Chibbi Usa answered
> the door , and ran straight into her arms .

CROW: My nomination for Klutz of the Year.

> She held the girl tightly and
> walked inside . "Hello ." Michiru said . "Hello , Michiru , Hotaru ,
> Setsuna and Haruka ."

SERVO: (Usagi) Oh, and Dopey too.

> Usagi said softly . Putting down Chibbi Usa she
> looked at all of them . It had been a while since she had seen the other
> outer senchi .

CROW: Catchy phrase, that.

> They had been performing in America for a few weeks and
> Hotaru had decided to go to .

SERVO: Where? Hell?

> "Well we al ready know what's going on ,

CROW: Speak for yourself.

> Setsuna told us ." Haruka said bluntly .

SERVO: Ironical Adverb of the Year.

> Usagi stared at the ground ,
> almost drilling two holes with her eyes .

CROW: (Usagi) SLEEP!

> "We must get going Usagi ."
> Setsuna said .
> "I know ." she mumbled walking to the door .
> ***************************

SERVO: Looks like we have another postal worker on the loose.

> "Luna where's Usagi ?" a worried Ami asked . She's going to the
> park at eight , she hurried home and left to go somewhere at seven . She
> came home and she looked like she cried for hours .

CROW: Ami is "Exposition Moon."

> Ami call the others ,
> It's time we figured out what she's been up to ."

CROW: Wait, I thought Ami was saying this?

> ******************************

SERVO: Turtles' roadblock fails miserably. Details tonight.

> "Setsuna Usagi and Chibbi Usa walked in silence to the park . A
> tear slowly rolling down Usagi's face every couple minutes . <Why? I don't
> want her to leave , not yet anyway . Why ? Dose she have to go ?>

CROW: And who are we referring to *now*?

> Setsuna replied telepathically <Her father . You know that .>
> Usagi surprised . <You can read my thoughts , I thought you didn't.>

SERVO: (Setsuna) That's because you don't provide me with the oppertunity.

> she
> directed at her . She had not used this communication since the
> Moon-Kingdom though she preferred it , the others she supposed had
> forgotten how to use it . <I never forgot , I knew Neo Queen Serenity knew
> how ,

CROW: (Setsuna) At least I *think* I knew Queen Serenity thought she knew how.
Maybe.

> but I didn't think you did yet .>
> <Dose Chibbi Usa know how ?>
> <Maybe . Right now I think the other senchi are following us ,
> stretch you senses to see if you can feel their presents near us .>

SERVO: Hey, maybe she's Pumaman!

[CROW hums the Pumaman theme]

> <Okay .>
> <Their all around , Venus , Mercury , Jupiter to the left , Mars ,
> Neptune to the right , Uranus and Saturn in back . Well should I *tell*
> them to stop following us ?>

CROW: Umm, Usagi, planets don't chase you.

> <Now , we don't need to scare them now , You know doing that to
> Mars would not be a good thing .>
> <I suppose your right>
> Chibbi Usa had taken hold of Usagi's hand . Usagi pulled her
> closer .

SERVO: You can just *feel* the romantic tension.

> They were to the park now . They walked to the docks and Setsuna
> walked off a little ways to give them time to themselves . "Chibbi Usa
> don't cry ."
> "But I don't want to leave you ."
> "I know ." she said pulling her into a hug ,

CROW: Hey, Setsuna, 'no' means 'no'.

> "You do not know how
> much I wan you to stay ,

SERVO: [singing] I want you to want me... I need you to need me...

> but your father needs you there ."
> "I'll never ..."

CROW: (Chibba Usa) ...Respect myself... After this fanfic!

> "Yes you will , if she is in your heart she lives on ."
> "No she ..."

SERVO: So exactly *what* in the hell is going on here?
CROW: Maybe we missed something. If we read it again--
SERVO: [screaming] NOOOOOO!

> "Yes she dose , I know that she will ,"
> "How?"
> "I'm her trust me I would never leave you . Never ."

CROW: [False surprise] Ooooh, *that* explains it: She's her!
SERVO: But where does that leave he?
CROW: Over in a corner with her's sister.
SERVO: Ahhh...

> "I love you Mommy"
> "I love you to ." she said holding her tighter .
> "She has to ..."

CROW: [To SERVO] Am I tripping, or is this fanfic just insane?
SERVO: Yes.

> "Someone's coming thought the open portal ! Get her out of the
> way !" Usagi took Chibbi Usa and dove as a bolt of energy hit the spot she
> was just at . "Die !"

SERVO: Maybe, on the bright side, they'll exterminate each other!

> "Deep Submerge !"
> "World Shacking !"

CROW: Random Words That Somehow Move the Plot!

> "Moon-Crystal Power !" She transformed . "Chibbi Usa get out of
> here ! Now !
> "Mommy he's the one ..."
> "No...Go I'll catch up ." Kissing her on the forehead the she ran
> off . Turning around , she ran beck to the battle .

SERVO: Let's face it, a Beck cameo was inevitable.

> "Until next time and
> I'll get that rabbit !"

CROW: It's wabbit season... huhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuh.

> With that the silver haired woman disappeared .
> "Sailor Moon, what were you thinking ! Chibbi Usa's here and you didn't
> tell us !"Rei exploded . "She is here and I must go get her ."

SERVO: (Rei) I must drink from her blood!

> "Why didn't you tell us !" Rei screamed at her .

CROW: Rei versus Rei.

> Usagi already walking away " I have a promise to keep and I will
> keep it ."
> Everyone looked at Pluto .

SERVO: Well, *someone* has to know what's going on!

> "She knows what happened and I will not
> tell it can change the time line ."She said calmly .
> "Why are you keeping us in the dark Pluto?" Venus asked .

CROW: Because Crystal Anne can't think of a plot, perhaps? [sarcastically] Nahh.

> Setsuna replied "Why are you worried about being in the dark ?"

SERVO: (Pluto, whining) Because there's no nightlight!

> By now Venus knew she was not going to get a straight answer out
> of her .
> **********

SERVO: Was Crystal Anne being paid by the asterisk?

> "Chibbi Usa ?"
> "Sailor Moon !"
> "I'm right here lets go .... umm Well where are you staying now ?

CROW: The Ramada.

> Setsuna thought you were leaving today ."
> "I don't exactly know ."

SERVO: Surprising absolutely no one.

> "Well , I'm going to call a Senchi meeting ."She said pulling out
> her communicator .

CROW: I guess Netscape is regretting their association with this right now.

> **************
> **1 hour later**
> ***************

SERVO: Come to Crystal Anne's, where we sell asteriks by the gallon.

> "Why is Chibbi Usa here ?" Minako asked Usagi for the third time .

CROW: Shut up, Iris. I tell ya, shaddup.

> "She is here right now and she must get back quickly ." Setsuna
> gave the answer .

SERVO: ...Over to Setsuna...

> "Chibbi Usa We have to go ." Setsuna said .

SERVO: ...And Setsuna gives the answer.

> Chibbi Usa nodded as Pluto opened a portal to the time gate .

CROW: (Crystal Anne) Oh, "by the way," there happens to be a time portal gate
right
here. Sorry for forgetting that.

> "Usagi she'll be back in a few days ."Setsuna said disappearing in the
> swirl of black and gray .
> ************************

SERVO: You know, people can tell their future by reading stars.
CROW: Interesting. I see a dull fanfic in my future.

> "Daddy ?" she asked appearing in front of her startled father in
> the palace gardens .
> "Small Lady ? Is that you ?"

SERVO: Aww, what a cute pet name for his daughter!

> She didn't reply , she just ran into
> his arms and cried more tears .

CROW: Point of order, senator: One has to be crying in the first place in order
to cry *more*.

> "I know little one I know ." He said
> holding back his own tears .
> ************************Neo King Endymens Point of View (P.O.V. *******

SERVO: Oh, as if the fanfic wasn't confusing ENOUGH, Crystal Anne has to throw
conflicting Points of View into the mix!

> I looked down at my daughter from where she was crying in my arms
> . She looks so much like her mother . I ... "Small lady ?"

CROW: No, *you* Big Daddy, *she* Small Lady.

> I asked hardy
> expecting her to even look up .
> ***********************Chibbi Usa's P.O.V.******************

SERVO: As the fanfic goes on, Crystal Anne sees fit to put more and *more* stars
in.

> "Small Lady ?" I heard him ask . I looked up from where is was in
> my daddy's arms . "Daddy ?" I ask seeing him almost in tears .

CROW: (Chibbi Usa) Let's see... I can see him in a Bunny Suit easily... Santa
Claus
uniform, sure... Let's try for a challenge...

> I knew no
> one else was in the garden at the time . I never seen him like this .

SERVO: (Chibbi Usa) Usually he wore clothes.

> But
> Mommy was ..... No she wasn't

CROW: Yes she was!
SERVO: She wasn't!
CROW: She was!

> as long as I remember her she will live on
> but... "Daddy ?" I ask again . He looks back down at me trying no to brake
> into tears . . . .
> ***********************************************************************

SERVO: Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, the "star power" of the fanfic.

> End of part 5

CROW: Nice, ambiguous ending.
SERVO: *Any* ending would be nice.
CROW: Let's leave.

[1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL]

[CROW and SERVO are at the desk, stunned. MIKE is in his corner.]

CROW: Well.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Now *that* was what I call painful.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Let's do an inventory check.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Plot: Miniscule.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Dialogue: Redundant.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Clarity: None whatsoever.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Length: Way too long.

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Use of Established Characters: Limited to the words "meatball head".

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: Auth-- Servo, will you QUIT saying 'yeah!?'

SERVO: Naah.

CROW: That's good.

SERVO: Yeah.

[RED LIGHT begins flashing]

CROW: Well, guess we better see who it is.

SERVO: Yeah.

[CROW hits the button. Instead of DEEP 13, we go to THE OTHER DEMENSION,
TOD for short]

[TOD. Torgo is center. He is paler than usual, his eyes are dark, he doesn't
look 100% well. On the bright side, his knees seem to be less, err, "Torgo-y".
The 'woods' around him are decimated. Gone. Destroyed. Like in any
post-apocalyptic film.]

[SOL]

CROW: So how goes it in the search for Gypsy?

[Mike, from offscreen, groans.]

CROW: Oooh, Mike's regaining consciousness!

SERVO: Yeah.

CROW: [To SERVO] Will you STOP that!?

SERVO: Nahh.

[TOD]

TORGO: [Talking much like an intellectual] Well, it doesn't exactly--

[SOL]

CROW: --What!? Torgo! You're talking like a normal human being!

SERVO: Yeah.

[CROW swivles over to SERVO and stares at him]

[TOD]

TORGO: Well, you see, apparently there was a break in the dimensional barrier,
or some such...

[SOL]

CROW: Huh?

[TOD]

TORGO: Oh, how to tell it to such a pathetic fool? Someone from over *here*
transmitted their spirt over *there* into one of *you* cretins.

[SOL]

CROW: What the...?

SERVO: OOOOH, I remember! You know when Mike [gaining speed] went insane and
was going to kill us all and he was saying stuff like [his voice imitates Mike]
"We're all going down" and stuff like that, then I talked him out of that with
that amazingly powerful monologue that left him weeping?

CROW: Yeah.

SERVO: Well, that was probably the voice of the Master, or Torgo, or Gypsy!

CROW: Yeah.

[TOD]

TORGO: Gypsy, to be exact.

[SOL]

SERVO: Well, that's peachy.

CROW: Yeah.

SERVO: [To CROW] Oh, stop it. You're not being funny.

CROW: Yeah.

SERVO: So, where is Gypsy?

[MIKE pulls himself up and comes to the front desk.]

MIKE: [weakly] Yeah... where's... Gypsy?

[TOD]

TORGO: Well... Erm... How to put it...? Okay. See, it takes strength to transmit
one's spirit across the dimesional barrier, and, well... To make a long story
short... She died.

[SOL]

MIKE: [slowly] Gypsy... is... no... longer... functional?

[TOD]

TORGO: In a nutshell... yes.

[SOL]

MIKE: All... of... our... hard... work...

[TOD]

TORGO: Wasted, yes, I'm afraid... and I can't come back across, since when Gypsy
blew she took out the Master also...

[SOL]

MIKE: Okay... I can deal...

[A pause.]

[TOD]

TORGO: Well, I guess I'll be headed off, then. "Catch you later", as you say.

[SOL]

[Silence. They are all at the desk. A pause.]

CROW: Well, I guess I'll go play some solitare... catch you later, Mike, Servo.
[He exits left]

[Pause]

SERVO: The underwear drawer beckons... [To MIKE] see you 'round. [Exits right.]

[Pause, MIKE begins breathing deeply]

[Pause]

MIKE: [Just as he begins, fade out to credits. This goes over the MST3k love
theme]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

CREDITS: (cont.)

Writer: -OOOOOOOOOOO-
-OOOOOOOOOOO-
The WereTorgo. (B.G.) -OOOOOOOOOOO-
-OOOOOOOOOOO-
Creator: -OOOOOOOOOOO-
-OOOOOOOOOOO-
Joel Hodgson -OOOOOOOOOOO-
-OOOOOOOOOOO-
Directer, Producer: [Loud crash.]

The WereTorgo. (CROW: That's
GOTTA hurt.)
Starring:
Michael J. Nelson as
himself
Kevin W. Murphy as
voice of Tom Servo
Trace Beaulieu as
voice of Crow
Doctor Forrester
Frank Conliff as
Tv's Frank
Paul Chaplin as
Torgo
B.G. as
Crow's singing voice
Servo's singing voice

Host Segments -

The WereTorgo

Proofreaders for original edition -

Jen White

KnaraKat

Eric Schepers

Proofer for the Special Edition -

WereTorgo

Original "dibs" and "idea" -

The Great Popalino

Special Thanks:

Jamie Chris Joey Bill Nick and the rest.

Super Special Thanks to:

Neylon
Ducas
Schwab

Keep the Archive up and running, censor free.

___ ___
( _`\ ( _`\
| (_) ) | ( (_)
| _ <' | |___
| (_) ) _ | (_, ) _
(____/'(_)(____/'(_)
A B.G. Production.

> Everyone then looked at Usagi and then said "Well O.K."
> Usagi said "No no no no no no no no no ."