[MiSTing] The Adventures of Mighty Mulder and Super Scully (Part 2)
DoeBoY2505
>SCENE 2 (The secret FBI command center. The room is full of computer
>terminals with blinking lights.
Crow: I guess that this is suppose to be their version of the Batcave.
>In the middle of the room is a large
>hologram of a head, floating inside a glass tube.
Mike: Nanew, Nanew!
>This is Skinner,
>Mulder and Scully's advisor.
Tom: The "head" advisor.
Crow: Pun right?
Tom: Yup!
>SKINNER: The city is in trouble, Agents!
Mike: Duh?
>SCULLY: We know! What was that that Chakie, I mean, Jakie saw?
Tom: Two idiots in gay costumes?
>SKINNER: I'm not sure. Something was jamming my sensors.
Crow: Some help you are.
>MULDER: Cancer man! He's behind this!
Mike: And how exactly did you reach this conclusion?
>SKINNER: Yes agents. The vil Cancer Man must be working on another
>plan to take over the world!
Tom: Lab rats around the world beware.
>MULDER: And he's using alien technology to put these plans into
>action.
Crow: Who the hell is feeding them this information?
>SCULLY: Mulder, we have to proof that these aliens exist. Logically, I
>would have to say that they don't!
Mike: Make up your mind.
Tom: Yeah we don't have all day.
>The idea of intelligent life on
>other planets contradicts everything I believe in.
Crow: So does the belief of intelligent life on *this* planet.
>Even if there were
>such creatures, traveling from one solar system to another is
>practically impossible.
Mike: Yet they seem to do it quite often.
>These "Aliens" are just one of Cancer Man's
>scare tactics.
Tom: Yeah, just like when he released Pauly Shore onto the public.
Crow: He was behind that?
Tom: You didn't know?
>SKINNER: Alien threat or not, this problem must be dealt with. And to
>do that, you will need a new secret weapon.
>MULDER: Isn't my Charm and Sex appeal enough?
Mike: No.
>SCULLY: Mulder! (Rolls her eyes. But when Mulder gives here that cute
>little "Sorry" grin, she can't help but give a little smile in return)
Tom: Oh my God, he made Scully smile!
Mike: That bastard!
>SKINNER: Although your Charm and Sex appeal is a powerful weapon,
Crow: (As Skinner)It worked on me last night.
>it
>has one drawback.
>MULDER: Which is?
>SKINNER: It only works on women.
Mike: Yeah right.
>SCULLY: But there was that one time ...
>MULDER: I thought we agreed never to discuss that again!
All: Oh yuck!
>SKINNER: Here is your new weapon. (Two wristbands with dials
>materialize on a computer monitor. Mulder and Scully strap them on)
Tom: (As Mulder)We came all the way back here for this crap?
>These are UST.
>SCULLY: UST?
Crow: Yeah, UST.
>SKINNER: Unresolved Sexual Tension. Just turn the knobs simultaneously
>and...
Mike: Absolutely nothing will happen.
>(Suddenly, a siren goes off. Red lights begin to blink all over
>the command center) There's been a UFO sighting at the park!
Tom: You'd think that these UFOs would try to say away from public places.
>MULDER: Let's roll!
Crow: Da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da!
Mike: Mul-der!
>SCULLY: But we don't know how to use the new weapon, yet!
>MULDER: I'm a guy! We never read instruction manuals, anyway!
Tom: I can already feel their defeat.
(All get up and leave)
[1...2...3...4...5...6...Dog bone*]
[SOL]
(Crow and Tom are talking and laughing. Tom is holding a glass of scotch while
Crow is holding a smoking cigar. Mike walks in)
Tom: (To Crow)So then I told him that those weren't gumballs coming out of my
hoverskirt!
(Both start to laugh hysterically)
Mike: Hey guys what are you up too?
Crow: (To Mike)Servo was telling me some stories about his adventures during
that time that we were all separated for five hundred years.
Tom: Mike you should take a seat and hear some of this!
Crow: Yeah it's killer, Nelson! Sit yer ass down and hear some of it!
Mike: I would but shouldn't Crow be getting ready for his staring contest with
Bobo?
Crow: Mike, what is the big deal? All I do is sit there until one of us
breaks concentration.
Tom: Yeah it's easy. No skill is required.
Crow: Just the way I like all my activities. Besides nobody but you is taking
this thing seriously.
(Light starts to blink)
Mike: Oh boy, Pearl is calling again.
(Hits button and then we see Pearl standing there with a big wad of cash in her
hands. Off to the side Bobo and Brain Guy are sitting at a table staring at
each other. Bobo has a blood-soaked rag tied around his head with the "Rocky"
theme playing in the background)
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Hey MikeyBoy. Did you know how profitable these staring contest are
these days? I had HBO and Pay-Per-View fighting over this one. That was a
pretty hard choice to choose from. The tickets are all sold out.
[SOL]
(All stare blankly at the screen)
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: No words huh? (Looks over to Bobo and Brain Guy)Those two have been
training for hours.
(Brain Guy sits at a table right in front of Bobo)
Bobo: Hit me again!
Brain Guy: Do you think that this is wise?
Bobo: Just hit me!
(Brain Guy hits Bobo right in the forehead and Bobo doesn't even blink)
[SOL]
(Crow drops his cigar and Tom drops his drink while they all continue to stare
blankly at the screen)
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Still no words huh? Oh well, my boy is going to make me rich. And
then when I am rich I will have enough money to take over the world(Starts to
laugh).
(Brain Guy gets up and goes to the record player and changes from the "Rocky"
theme to the theme from "Shaft". Bobo does a cool strut over and stands next
to Pearl.)
Bobo: I can't handle you huh? We'll see who'll win the contest.
(Brain Guy walks over)
Brain Guy: Madam, I can't believe that I am saying this but I don't think that
I can hit Bobo anymore. I want to. God do I want to, but the fun has just gone
out of it.
Pearl: Don't worry, I'll smack him around until you feel like you're up to it
again. Come on Bobo. (To the Satellite)You idiots get back to doing whatever
it is that you do.
Bobo: Well lawgiver I just want to tell you before I forget, that when I get
nervous I...
Pearl: (Cuts him off)Not now Bobo!
Brain Guy: (Muttering under his breath)I can't believe that I am missing
Ritchie and the gang for *this*.
[SOL]
(The commercial light starts to blink but everyone continues to stare blankly
at the screen)
Tom: Woah, did you see that! He even had that Shaft music!
Mike: I saw it. I think that it's time for a commercial. We'll be right
back.
Crow: Easy for you to say Mike.
(Fades out to some more really stupid commercials)
"*I'm* your mother now, Frank."
Dr. Forrester Experiment #513 "The Brain That Wouldn't Die"
Mystery Science Theater 3000