[MSTing] Bishoujo Senshi Sour Lemon - Part 1
Freezer
This is my first foray into what could be considered one of the
bedrocks of MSTable material - the Sailor Moon lemon. And a
couple sour ones they are! Those who may be offended (And
frankly, if this shiznit doesn't offend you at all, I DO NOT
WANT TO KNOW!) may want to hit the back button R-A-T RIGHT now!
Otherwise, hopefully I've added enough sugar to make lemonade of
this crap. If you really MUST know what the rot-13 scrambled
text in "Passing The Torch" says, go here:
http://members.tripod.com/~BraunzGuy/rot13.htm
Or read the un-MSTed text here:
http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/svaptt.html
And for the un-MSTed Chibi-usa:
http://www.moonromance.net/hen/culvr.txt
And (if you're through puking) for Chibi-usa II:
http://www.moonromance.net/hen/culvrii.txt
And on with the disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all related characters are the
property of Best Brains, Inc. "Sailor Venus/Captain America:
Passing the Torch" is the property of Jason Faust. "Chibi-usa's
Lover"and "Chibi-usa's Lover II" are the property of Florida
Orange, and both are welcome to them.
And as always, comments/C&C/flames/death threats can be directed
to mysterysci...@yahoo.com
WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs reffering to, inspired by,
and/or ripped off from 10-10-220, The Charlie Daniels Band, "Die
Hard With A Vengeance", The Rolling Stones, "Mambo #5", The
Doors, the first Batman movie, The WWE, Super Bowl XXV, Petey
Pablo, "St. Elsewhere", "Hogan's Heroes", Metallica, Little Red
Riding Hood, "Slayers", Sisqo, "The Simpsons", and Queen.
<< << << Episode 11 - Bishoujo Senshi Sour Lemon >> >> >>
[[ Season three theme song - Sing along! You know the words! ]]
[We open with Joel and the bots sitting in front of the desk on
the SOL's bridge. The bridge is dark, except for a single
spotlight, which is shining on Gypsy. She's behind the desk and
in front of a microphone stand. She looks to be wrapping up a
song.]
GYPSY: o/~ You're gonna love... MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! o/~
{Music fades. Lights go up}
MAGIC VOICE: And that was our last contestant on "SOL Idol" -
Gypsy, doing the Jennifer Holiday classic, "And I Am Telling You
I'm Not Going." And let's hear from what our judges have to
say! Joel Robinson?
JOEL: I thought she made that song her own! I'd didn't think
she had the range to pull this off, but she proved me wrong!
Full marks from me!
MAGIC VOICE: Tom Servo?
TOM : I wouldn't go as far as Joel did in praise. Sure it's
rare that you see someone that isn't a plus-sized black woman
sing that song properly and she did it very well. But I did
wish she hadn't gone quite so overboard with the high notes.
Just because you have the range, it doesn't mean you *HAVE* to
use it! Other than that, no real complaints.
MAGIC VOICE: And Simon Crowell?
CROW: To be perfectly honest, that was the most ear-piercing
howl I've ever heard. Who taught you to sing anyway? Alfalfa?
TOM : [Whispering] Crow! You promised you wouldn't do this!
CROW: Oooh! "Listen to me! *I* can hit every note on the
scale!" The trick is, darling, not to hit them with rocks. Now
run along and do something useful with that voice of yours, like
rent yourself as a police siren!
{At this point, Gypsy runs off sobbing!}
CROW: [Yelling after Gypsy] And wear something more revealing
next time!
TOM : You are SO going to Robot Hell for that.
CROW: What? I'm just giving public what they want! What they
expect! A little bit of the "Simon wit!"
JOEL: One - you're not really Simon. And two - this was just
supposed to be a fun little game. I think you really hurt Gypsy
with that.
CROW: Aw, she'll be fine! Besides, she knows I was just playing
the role. She'll... What's that rumbling noise?
{The next thing we see is Crow being swept off screen by a
purple blur, followed by Gypsy's tube body trailing along like a
freight train. It's still going as Tom and Joel react.]
TOM : Hmm... Check "no" on "She'll be fine."
JOEL: That had to hurt!
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in fifteen seconds. Wow, look at
her go!
TOM : Yeah! I didn't know anything that big could move that
fast!
JOEL: That's probably going to leave a mark. I'd better go get
the broom now.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 5... 4... 3... 2... Commercial
sign...
<< *KAAAAA-RASH!!!!* >>
MAGIC VOICE: Um... Now.
JOEL: We'll be right back. [Wincing] Ouch!
{{ Commercial: Carefree Thong Pantyliners - Because just
wearing normal underwear would be silly! }}
{As we come back, we zoom out from Crow's detached head
gradually to a shot of Crow's head and Tom Servo}
TOM : And you JUUUST didn't figure that the giant female bot
just MIIIIGHT harbor some ill will at your little fun, did you?
CROW: It was a cheap shot, I tell you!
TOM : So says the Yugo hit by the freight train!
JOEL: [Reentering the frame] Well, I finally got Gypsy to calm
down and promise not to run you over again.
TOM : How'd you manage that that fast?
JOEL: I just promised to double up her ram chip allowance for a
month, plus throwing in Crow's.
CROW: What? I'm the injured party here!
JOEL: You're just lucky I made you with breakaway parts,
otherwise you'd be the mangled, broken party. Now let's get
started on finding the rest of you.
TOM : Ah, put a hold on that, Joel. Paula and Randy are
calling.
{Cut to Deep 13. Standard close up of Dr. Forrester and TV's
Frank.}
DR.F : You know I wish I had Simon's flair for the putdown, but
I never had the patience to practice at it. I wanted to put
someone down, I'd get all tounge-tied, and out came the death
rays! <SIGH!> Good times, good times!
FRANK: But it doesn't have to be that way for you! Because our
Invention Exchange this week puts the power of Simon Cowell in
YOUR hands!
DR.F : Introducing - on DVD and VHS - "Insults - The Simon
Cowell Way!" Yes, with this 3-disc or 3-tape set, you too will
be crushing the hopes and dreams of budding young singers for
years to come!
FRANK: Take a look at this sample from the "Beginners" DVD.
[The Mads step aside to reveal a TV. Playing on it is an image
of (Mike Nelson playing) Simon Cowell.]
"SIMON": It's very important to always insult the physical
appearance of any female target. It doesn't matter if it's
true or not. If she's skinny, say she's fat. If she's fat, toss
in a fast food joke or two. Those are simple and effective, and
even if she's not offended, she'll probably get this look of
hunger on her face, which is just as good.
DR.F : Of course, Simon's lessons aren't limited to Kelly
Clarkson wannabees, but that's as good a place as any to start.
FRANK: [British Accent] Now, make like the good little plebeians
you are and bring out your little experiment. If you're
confused I can talk slower for you.
DR.F : Disc 2 - section 5?
FRANK: "English accents make you sound smarter?" You know it!
DR.F : Attaboy! [They exchange high fives.]
[SOL]
TOM : So, did they just rip us off, or was that just weird
timing?
CROW: [Still just a head] Results pretty much the same either
way.
JOEL: Well, sirs, our invention doesn't have quite the pop-
culture relevance as yours. But it does have some roots to both
the past and present.
TOM : You remember the old picture playing cards British
watchtower personnel would get to help them identify German
planes, and the current batch to help identify Iraqi leaders?
Well, we've got a civilian version, to help our less cyber-savvy
readers out there.
CROW: Presenting Spam-Scam Cards!
TOM : Go ahead, pick a card! Any card!
JOEL: Alright [Pulls card from the deck on the desk] Hmm... 10
of Clubs - the "Enlarge Your Penis, even if you're a woman"
card!
CROW: Neat, huh!
[D-13]
DR.F : Frankly that invention makes me want to go back in time
and kill your parents in their sleep.
FRANK: Disc 3 - lesson 1!
MADS : "The Art of Overreacting!" [High-fives again]
DR. F: Now in honor of making you feel bad with words, we're
going to make you feel even worse with more words!
FRANK: Foul, misspelled, sour-lemony words!
DR. F: Have a triple helping of Sailor Moon lemons!
FRANK: Now go away before we taunt you a second time!
[SOL]
JOEL: Oh, now! WE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!
{All scurry off}
[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]...[ * ]
[All take their seats]
CROW: You know, it's about time we got some Hot Senshi Action,
'round these parts!
TOM : You do realize that if The Mads are sending us these,
you'll probably end up choking on those words
CROW: Leave me to my fantasies, damn you!
> Sailor Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch
CROW: Cheech/Chong: Passing the Bong
> author's note Well This may seem like an odd pairing,
JOEL: Especially since Sailor Moon's the star of the show.
> It was merely something that I've wanted to try.
TOM : Ever since that Sailor Mercury/Punisher crossover fell
apart.
> To my knowledge, no one has really tried to cross genres so I
> figured
CROW: So he's been surfing the net since yesterday, then?
> hey why not.
JOEL: Ummm... "Coming of Munihausen?"
TOM : "Girl in The Plastic Crown?"
CROW: "Misery Senshi?"
> All the ususal disclaimers apply, I'm not going to give you
> any warnings or anything, cause chances are, If you are reading
> this, you chose to.
[All laugh bitterly]
> besides It's not like I'm forcing you or anything, there's
> always the back button on your screen.
TOM : Sure! Twist the knife, whydoncha?
> I know I should be channelling my creative energies in a better
> manner but. so here we go
JOEL: Straight to Hell.
CROW: In a gas-soaked handbasket.
> Part 1: a New Begining Brings new Troubles
TOM : Translation: Continuity? What's that mean?
JOEL: Spells "genre" correctly, but misspells "beginning." Not
a promising start.
> She couldn't believe it.
JOEL: It really *DID* taste like regular Dr. Pepper!
CROW: Mentos really *IS* the Fresh Maker!
TOM : Twenty minutes for only a buck!
> It seemed like only yesterday that she was with all her
> friends. So many years of good memories. the laughter, the
> heartaches.
CROW: The monsters. The dying. The badly written orgies.
> But now they'd all gone their seperate ways.
JOEL: Hey, you leave Journey out of this!
> Lita was in Chicago.
TOM : Trying to explain how Sammy Sosa looked like her old
boyfriend...
> Raye was down in Texas. Amy was in St. Louis. Serena chose
> Georgia.
JOEL: Looking for a soul to steal, no doubt.
TOM : Boy, the Japanese sure name their cities funny!
> And Mina decided on Manhatten.
CROW: A small neighborhood in Manhattan.
> It was a shame that none of them were attending the same
> college,but that's life.
CROW: Chris Elliot, NO!!
JOEL: That's "Get A Life" not "That's Life."
CROW: Oh. Carry on...
> She had it all figured out. 4 years of school. Get maried
> and start teaching.
CROW: Mina? Teaching?
ALL : HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!
TOM : I can see it now: Minako Aino - Professor of Malapropisms.
JOEL: [Mina as professor] Now who can tell me who said, " A bird
in the hand beats two with one stone?"
> The prospect had her so excited, she wanted to fast foreward.
TOM : [Mina] A foreword by Mina Aino: "Read this." Thank you!
> She was 18, just out of High School,
CROW: She's legal! Woo-hoo!!
JOEL: Down boy!
> ready to begin college and step in to the real world.
TOM : Where she'd stop being polite, and start being real!
> Mina lay in her dorm on night restless and bored. She figured
> a good way to alieviate both of these aliments, was to go
> shopping.
JOEL: In Manhattan. At night. Riiight...
TOM : So how many muggers do you suppose will jump her? Three?
Four? A street gang, perhaps?
CROW: I'm still wondering what college she supposedly attends.
SUNY? Manhattan College?
JOEL: Maybe he meant Manhattan, Kansas?
CROW: WOO!!! WILDCATS!!! K-S-U! K-S-U!
TOM : Nah, she's obviously going to Plothole U.
> ON her way back, she heard a large explosion. Startled she
> went to check it out.
JOEL: Nearly getting run down by Bruce Willis and Samuel L.
Jackson.
> Just around the corner was a bank being robbed. She knew what
> she had to do.
CROW: Call the police, because she'd retired from the hero biz?
TOM : That would make sense. I.e. - ain't happening!
> The Negaverse threat had since ended, but a Heroine's work is
> never done. IT would be a little odd fighting with out her
> friends,
JOEL: Yeah, it's not like she was a solo heroine long before she
met the others or anything like that.
TOM : Details, details.
> but she was confident.
CROW: Read - Dead Senshi walking.
> Mina put down her bags and transformed into Sailor Venus.
> She entered the empty bank.
JOEL: [Venus] Hmm... Bad guys got away. Maybe I shouldn't have
stopped for those twelve pineapple daiquiris?
> He was a hulking behemoth of a man.
TOM : Who appears out of nowhere, apparently...
CROW: Slab Badmeat!!
> Nearly 7 feet tall. Tall as an oak, broad as a river.
JOEL: Thick as a brick.
TOM : Built like a statue.
CROW: Hung like a...
JOEL & TOM : CROW!!!
CROW: [Innocently] What?
> He was dressed all in black with a white skull adorning his face
> mask, and 2 bones crossed on his chest.
TOM : The bank's being robbed by a Jolly Roger!
CROW: [Robber] Aye, and this be a stick-up! Arr!!
> She made her entrance.
[All hum the opening notes of "C.C. Rider"]
> "You have five seconds to put down that money!" declared Venus.
> He turned around
JOEL: [Venus] Umm... Please?
> "and who the hell do you think you are, little girl?" "Allow me
> to introduce my self,
TOM : [Venus] I'm a man of wealth and taste!
CROW: [Robber] Uh...
TOM : [Venus] Shut up! You're ruining the mood!
> I am Sailor Venus. now put down the money and nothing bad will
> happen."
JOEL: [Venus] To me!
> "you gotta be kidding me." he scoffed he laughed
TOM : He fell in love all over again.
> out loud like a heyena. "go home and play with your dolls
> little girl. Yer waistin my time"
JOEL: "Wasting," even.
> How dare he mock her.
JOEL: ...She said in a monotone.
CROW: Because you're dressed like Japanese Pedo Fantasy #5?
TOM : o/~ A little bit of hentai in my life! o/~
> Mina powered up for her strike "VENUS CRESENT SMASH!"
JOEL: ROBINSON BISCUIT BOMBER!
TOM : SERVO BAGEL BUSTER!!
CROW: CROW CORNBREAD CRUSH!!!
> a stream of energy crashed into the man, knocking him clear
> onto the otherside of the bank.
TOM : O/~ Try to run! Try to hide! Get knocked clear to the
other side! o/~
> "any more comments?" she said while approaching him.
> She stood over him proud and haughty
CROW: [Venus] I laugh at your misfortune! Ha ha ha!
> "Just one.
JOEL: Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
> You ever try to pick up yer teeth, with broken arms?"
TOM : And let the OOC abuse begin!
> He sent his left fist rocketing into her stomache.
TOM : Then he sent his right into her "stomach."
> She collapsed to theground wheezing and coughing. He struck her
> again in the small of the back.
> "the Name's Crosbones hon, in case you didn't know."
JOEL: Or care.
CROW: [Venus] <KAFF> What does that have to do with my stomach?
TOM : So let's recap: Sailor Venus is fighting one of Captain
America's nastiest - but 100% human - villains. Which means she
obliterates him with a Love & Beauty Shock any second now,
right? Right?
> He kicked, but she evaded. Mina lashed out,
CROW: ...Said all sorts of nasty things she'd regret later.
> striking him in the knee, making him cry out.
ALL: [Deadpan] Aaaah.
> She leapt up like a falcon and drove her elbow into his throat.
ALL: E-C-W!!! E-C-W!!! E-C-W!!!
> He winced and staggered back.
TOM : Then dropped dead from shock and trauma from a crushed
larynx. Right? RIGHT?!?
> She kicked him in the solarplexus, which only yeilded minimal
> results.
CROW: Okay, so a super-powered woman hits a relatively normal
man IN THE FRIGGING THROAT *WITH HER ELBOW* and HE'S STILL
STANDING?!?
JOEL: Man - this guy no-sells like Triple H!
> "I've taken down creeps tougher than you!"
JOEL: True, but the writers in those stories liked you.
> He recovered. and swung wildly. an agile Venus easily eluded.
> She ducked under one of his blows, snuck behind him and rose her
> knee directly between his legs. He crumpled over, spitting up
> blood.
CROW: At this point, Crossbones, you may want to just roll over
and die. Don't let us stop you. We understand.
> "You bitch, you're gonna pay!"
TOM : [Crossbones] And I DON'T take American Express!
> He arose and attacked like a rabid beast.
JOEL: Just seconds after getting kicked in the Jolly Roger hard
enough to make him spit blood?
TOM : It IS Triple H!
> Mina avioded mosst of his strikes, but one coght her directly
> in the chest. She was lifted off of her feet, and smashed into
> the floor.
TOM : He hit her so hard the room spun around!
> While she was down, Crossbones kicked her like He was kicking
> the winning field goal..
CROW: Okay, so we know it isn't Scott Norwood under that mask.
JOEL: Ouch!
> She felt a couple of her ribs crack. He grabbed her by her
> luxurious crop of golden blonde hair and raised her up.
CROW: Took her shirt off. Twisted it round his head. Spun it
like a helicopter.
> she lashed out a kick, but he cought it. he slung her against
> the wall, and kcked her in the stomache.
JOEL: Then he pnched her in the face and tried to chke her.
> She tried to get up. Crossbones, picked her up by the bow that
> adorned the front of the costume, and slaammed her on the
> ground, leaving a large, hunk of her cotume in his hand.
CROW: Joel, what's a "cotume?"
JOEL: I'm not sure...
TOM : So... At what point does she remember she can use her
powers more than once and blasts the sucker?
CROW: For that matter - where the hell is Captain America? This
is supposed to be a crossover, isn't it? Hey, Writer Boy -
make with the superheroes!
> The last thing Mina saw, was a boot heading for her face.
ALL: BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!
> She awoke and found herself tied down to a bed, in a dirty
> apartment.
TOM : Hey, Joel? How'd he find your old apartment? I thought
you lived in Minnesota.
JOEL: Hey!
> Her clothes ahd been removed. Mina kept calm, and sent up a
> prayer.
CROW: Or chanted the words for the Giga Slave. We aren't too
sure.
> Crossbones entered the room. She knew his intentions.
ALL: Oh, crap!
> "WE're going to the Fatherland tomrrow honey. Until then, we're
> gonna have us a litle fun, you and I."
TOM : You're gonna play charades. PLEASE tell me you're gonna
play charades!
> "please, I beg you, don't."
CROW: Oh, damn! This is gonna hurt.
JOEL: Stay frosty, guys! I came prepared. Tom, click on your
ROT-13 sequencer
TOM : Okay, but I don't see how that's gonna help... [Vibrates
in place]
> Ur ragrerq jvgu gur sbepr bs n ohyyrgg. Fur
TOM : Umm... That's new...
CROW: Okaaaay... What gives?
JOEL: Me and Gypsy wired Tom's ROT-13 sequencer through Cambot's
text display unit. Anything that gets too hairy gets rendered
unreadable, but as far as the Mads are concerned, it's torture
as usual. But we'll have to keep the riffs up, or Dr. F will
pull the plug. Got all that?
BOTS: Roger!
JOEL: Okay, back to work!
> fpernzrq. UR tenoorq ure ol gur uvcf naq cbhaqrq njnl. Fur
> guenfurq
TOM : Okay... Um...
> nobhg va na rssbeg gb erfvfg, ohg,
CROW: What? And give up show business?
JOEL: Oooh, punchlines! Good idea!
> guvf bayl pnhfrq uvz gb tebj zber rkpvgrq. Grnef fgnegrq sybj nf
> ur qrtenqrq ure.
> "Lbh pnag' qb guvf--" ure cyrnf jrer vagreehcgrq ol ure bja
> fpernzf.
TOM : If that's my thermometer, where's my pen?
> Ur fnvq abguvat. juvyr ur jbexrq, ur ernpurq hc naq tenoorq ure
> oernfgf, gblvat jvgu gurz. Zvan fpernzrq fb uneq, fur
> orpnzr ubnefr.
JOEL: I can clearly see you're nuts.
> "Lbh yvxr guvf lbh yvggyr fyhg qba'g ln!" Uvf ha eryragvat
> nffnyg jnf fvzcyl gbb zhpu. Ur
CROW: Everybody knows they go after the black box first!
> sbhaq uvf npprff gb or irel erfgevpgvir fb ur cerffrq uneqre.
> UR chyyrq onpx n yvggyr jnlf, naq enzzrq sberjneq. Ur ercrgrq
> guvf
TOM : The guy who can hold two cups of coffee and a half-dozen
doughnuts.
> cebprff ntnva naq ntnva. Ur ernpurq hc jvgu uvf zbhgu naq fnax
> uvf grrguvagb ure oernfg. Zvan ybfg ure pbzcbfrher. nalguvat
> gb znxr vg fgbc nalguvat.
CROW: The woman who can eat the last doughnut.
> Ur pbagvahrq arire frrzvat gb gver. Fbba fur sryg uvz
> uneqra. Fur oenprq ure frys, nf na rehcgvba rafhrq. Ur jrag
> bss yvxr na raentrq ohyy. Fur fpernzrq va ntbal.
JOEL: Okay, that should do it. Shut 'er down, Tom.
TOM : Okey Dokey! [Vibrates in place]
> before too long,
ALL : SAYS YOU!!!
> it had ended.
>
> She lay there, broken, violated, weeping.
CROW: We feel your pain, Venus.
> She saw him bring his fist back, like an arched bow.
TOM : So NOW she hangs him by the family jewels with a Love-Me
Chain! Right? RIGHT?!?
> And that was all.
CROW: It's over? WOO-HOO!!!
> To be continued.
ALL: DAMMIT, JIM!!!
JOEL: thisstory...@joel.com
TOM : seekhelpyou...@servo.org
CROW: andthehorse...@crow.net
> Sailor Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch
>
> Chapter II In too Deep
>
> He sat a computer in the basement of a stately New York Mansion.
CROW: Downloading porn at speeds unheard of.
TOM : Stately Stark Manor!
> 'Captain, I brought you some tea sir.' said a gentleman. 'Thank
> you Jarvis'
JOEL: [Jarvis] And sir... About that riot outside...
TOM : [Cap] Not now, Jarvis.
JOEL: [Jarvis] They've already set fire to Iron Man, sir...
TOM : [Cap] I'm *BUSY* Jarvis!
> 'May I ask as to what you are doing Captain'
JOEL: [Jarvis] Besides cruising SuperLolitas.com?
> 'You know that last night, Crossbones robbed a bank. I figure
> he's gotta be doing it for the Skull. I've got to find out
> where he is and put a stop to it before he can launch anything.'
CROW: The Skull needs the proceeds from one bank robbery to fund
his schemes? What is he, Boris Badenov?
> 'Buisness as ususal'
> 'So it seems, but you never can tell.'
> 'Have you had any luck Captain.'
> 'None yet.'
JOEL: [Jarvis] Have you done anything outside of download porn
today ?
TOM : [Cap] No. Why do you ask?
> 'Might I suggest giving Col. Fury a call. He does owe you a
> favour'
CROW: [Cap] Ah, yes! The "Prussian Goat" incident...
> 'I think I'll do just that.'
JOEL: [Jarvis] Now, back to the matter of that mob that just
broke in...
TOM : [Cap] Yeah, yeah, yeah...
JOEL: [Jarvis] They're playing Hacky-Sack with Wasp and Ant-Man,
sir!
TOM : [Cap] Whatever...
> Elsewhere.
CROW: Denzel Washington and Stephen Furst were beating the crap
out of Howie Mandel.
> She awoke to a throbing headache.
ALL: And the worst breath of the day!
> She lay on a cold stone floor in a dark humid room.
JOEL: [Venus] Oh, man! I really must've had the tea goggles on
last night!
TOM : Just a little inside joke for you Toonami fans out there!
> 'O good, you're awake.' a Bavarian voice filled the room
> sounding like broken glass on gravel.
TOM : Uh oh! Looks like Col. Klink finally want off the deep
end!
> She loked to where the voice came from and screamed. Some
> monster sat before her. He had a hideous face. A skull as red
> as blood.
CROW: Michael Jackson's last surgery goes horribly, horribly
wrong!
> It was like something out of her nightmares. Sure she'd had
> seen some pretty ugly negeverse monsters but, this.
JOEL: "Negeverse?" Da' Hell?
TOM : Oh, that! Take a right at The Negaforce and go two blocks
past the NegaMoon. Can't miss it!
> 'what-' 'O my dear, what is wrong? Did soething frighten you?'
CROW: Remember, kids: Spellchecker is your friend!
> 'Get Away!'
> 'get away? You my pretty will be spending the rest of your life
> here.
JOEL: Or until you remember your superpowers and mulch him. Or
until you call the other Scouts for help and _THEY_ mulch him...
> Ah forgive me. where are my manners. I am Johann-'
TOM : "Johann?" Wasn't that that squire kid from "The Smurfs?"
CROW: Been hitting the Smurfberries a bit too hard lately!
> he paused 'That is irrevelvant.
JOEL: This fic in a nutshell.
CROW: He misspelled "irredeemable," then.
> I am your superior. your master.
TOM : Of puppets.
CROW: Ah, pull this string!
> That is all you will need to know.'
>
> Mina broke down in tears. 'Please just let me go home' 'You are
> home.'
JOEL: [Venus] Sorry, but I don't remember my house being this
big or evil.
> She knew that she had to fight. She got up to her feet. "Venus
> Cresent Smash!'
TOM : She remembered her powers! Yay!
> It struck the Skull square in the chest with the force of a
> freight train. He was sent barreling back to the far wall of
> the chamber.
BOTS: E-C-W!! E-C-W!! E-C-W!!
> He quickly recovered, and found her standing over him.
JOEL: Um... Remember what happened the last time you did that?
> 'Impressive' He reached up with a gloved hand and grabbed her
> throat.
JOEL: Told ya!
TOM : Jeez! Did someone in a Sailor Venus suit run over this
guy's dog or something?
> He pinned her to the wall. With his free hand, he snaked it
> between her thighs.
JOEL: Okay, that's enough of that. Hit it, Tom.
TOM : Alley OOP! [Vibrates in place]
> Zvan sryg ure obql ernpg ntnvafg ure
> jvyy. Ur erynfrq ure guenbg naq guerj ure ba gur sybbe. 'Lbh
> pna'g
JOEL: Okay - classic riffs! Go!
> qb guvf gb zr!'
TOM : And a good friend!
> Bar unaq jbexrq ba gur vafvqr, juvyr gur bgure jbexrq ba gur
> bhgfvqr. Fur fdhvezrq nobhg va rssbegf gb erfvfg, ohg
CROW: By that time, my lungs were aching for air!
TOM : Uh, guys? I'm starting to feel a little funny.
> gung bayl fcheerq uvz ba. 'Fgbc vg cyrnfr!' Fur sryg ure frys
> ohvyqvat. Jvgu nyy bs ure jvyy, fur gevrq gb erfvfg, ohg sryg
> ure cbjref jbexvat ntnvafg ure. Fbba fur ernpurq n shyy pvyznk.
JOEL: Yuma? Yuma!
> Fur ohpxrq naq geunfurq nebhaq yvxr fur jnf va n frvmher. Gura
> ur ragrerq ure. Fur fpernzrq nf ybhq nf n fbavp obbz. Ur
> unzzrerq njnl ng ure na vauhzna shel.
CROW: I am the God of Hellfire! And I bring you...
> Ur ybirq gur jnl ure gvtug furngu uhtrq uvz. Ur pbagvahrq uvf
> eryragyrff nffnhyg. Nf ur qvq, ur ernpurq hc naq cynlrq jvgu
> ure oernfgf. yvpxvat gurz, ovgvat gurz, gblvat jbgu gurz. Vg
> jnf gbb zhpu sbe ure gb orne. Gur cnva, gur funzr nyy oyrq vagb
> bar nf fur jnf qrtenqrq.
TOM : I'm so sleepy I can barely keep awa... Guys, seriously! I
don't feel right!
> Fur sryg uvz uneqra, naq gevrq gb oenpr urefrys. Ur rehcgrq
> yvxr n ibypnab. natel, ivbyrag. Vg fubbx rirelbar bs ure obarf
> ybbfr. Jura ur svavfurq, fur sryg ure frys fgneg gb perpraqb.
> Nyy bs uer jvyy jnf hfryrff nf fur jarg vagb n shyy pyvznk.
ALL: o/~ She TRIIIIED to kill him with a forklift! o/~
TOM : HuZzAh!
CROW: You alright, Tommy?
TOM : Of CoUrSe I'm NoT aLrIgHt! WHaT HaVe I JuSt bEEn SaYiNg!
I'm NoT TaLkInG liKe ToRGo FoR FuN HeRe!!!
JOEL: Hang in there, Tom. Just a little more.
> Uref unq pngnylmrq uvz vagb nabgure. Fur frag hc n cenlre. Jura
> ur jnf svavfurq. Ur tenoorq ure ol gur nez nqa yrsg gur ebbz.
> Ur oebhtug ure gb gur urnq bs n ybat pbeevqbe. Nybat rnpu bs
> gur fvqrf, jnf n ebj bs zra.
>
> Ure rlrf jrag jvqr va ubeebe.
>
> 'Znepu' Ur pbzznaqrq. 'Lbh pna'g qb guvf gb zr!' Ur fubirq ure
> sberjneq. gur svefg gjb obgu gbbx ure fgnaqvat hc. arvgure fnvq
> n jbeq OBgu jrer jbefr guna gur Fxhyy Guvf jnf gbb zhpu. na
> ragver pbeevqbe bs zra fgbbq va sebag bs ure. Jura gurl
> svavfurq, jur jnf guehfg sberjneq. bar tenoorq ure ol ure unve,
> naq chyyrq ure snpr evtug gv uvz. Fur gvtugyl pynzcrq ure zbhgu
> fuhg qrgrezvarq abg gb yrg uvz va. Jura gur bgure bar ragrerq
> sebz oruvaq, fur fpernzrq, tvivat uvz gur cresrpg bcreghavgl.
JOEL: Alright, shut 'er down Tom.
TOM : ROgeR! [Vibrates in place] WHEW! That's better!
> This contiued for longer than she wanted to remember. She prayed
> for deliverence.
CROW: You ain't the only one, sister!
> End Chapter
TOM : Exit captives. Let's roll, fellas!
{{ Commercial - Eddie Murphy in "Daddy Day Care." It's not
animated, it's not a remake, and it's not a sequel. Meaning -
Dear God, is this gonna suck!!! }}
--
My name is:
____ _
/ ___| | | http://www.geocities.com/
| |__ _ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ _ __ | | mysterysciencefreezer
| __|| '__/ _ \/ _ \/_ // _ \| '__|| | (My MSTings)
| | | | __/ __/ / /| __/| | |_| http://dccmm.com
|_| |_| \___|\___||___|\___||_| (_)(Rasslin' and other subjects)
And my anti-drug is porn.
Jack Mileur
> << << << Episode 11 - Bishoujo Senshi Sour Lemon >> >> >>
That was really good. I usually tend to stay away from NC-17 stuff
myself, but you handle it in a very nice way. You riff the lemony
bits to shreds and yet resist the temptation to become cruder than the
fic itself. At any rate, I was pleasantly surprised. I found myself
laughing the whole way through, and I think I probably woke my whole
family up in the process... Hopefully they won't ask me what I found
so funny... :) I thought the ROT-13 segments were hilarious. That's
quite a clever way to take out the "yucky bits" of a lemon without
having to erase half of the story. Your host segments were very
timely--can't go wrong with American Idol's own riffer from hell,
Simon Cowell. Great job all around, and I hear your next project is
turning out well, something about a "Lord of the Rings"
self-insertion? </thinly veiled shameless plug :)>
--Jack (aka River City Random)
Silas Janzen
Great msting! One thing...I don't know if you knew this but part of the
story for some reason was scrambled (ROT-13). Unscrambled that part is:
> Mina felt her body react against her
> will. He relased her thraot and threw her on the floor. 'You
> can't
WBRY: Bxnl - pynffvp evssf! Tb!
> do this to me!'
GBZ : Naq n tbbq sevraq!
> One hand worked on the inside, while the other worked on the
> outside. She squirmed about in efforts to resist, but
PEBJ: Ol gung gvzr, zl yhatf jrer npuvat sbe nve!
GBZ : Hu, thlf? V'z fgnegvat gb srry n yvggyr shaal.
> that only spurred him on. 'Stop it please!' She felt her self
> building. With all of her will, she tried to resist, but felt
> her powers working against her. Soon she reached a full cilmax.
WBRY: Lhzn? Lhzn!
> She bucked and trhashed around like she was in a seizure. Then
> he entered her. She screamed as loud as a sonic boom. He
> hammered away at her an inhuman fury.
PEBJ: V nz gur Tbq bs Uryysver! Naq V oevat lbh...
> He loved the way her tight sheath huged him. He continued his
> relentless assault. As he did, he reached up and played with
> her breasts. licking them, biting them, toying woth them. It
> was too much for her to bear. The pain, the shame all bled into
> one as she was degraded.
GBZ : V'z fb fyrrcl V pna oneryl xrrc njn... Thlf, frevbhfyl! V
qba'g srry evtug!
> She felt him harden, and tried to brace herself. He erupted
> like a volcano. angry, violent. It shook everyone of her bones
> loose. When he finished, she felt her self start to crecendo.
> All of hre will was useless as she wnet into a full climax.
NYY: b/~ Fur GEVVVVRQ gb xvyy uvz jvgu n sbexyvsg! b/~
GBZ : UhMmNu!
PEBJ: Lbh nyevtug, Gbzzl?
GBZ : Bs PbHeFr V'z AbG nYeVtUg! JUnG UnIr V WhFg oRRa FnLvAt!
V'z AbG GnYxVaT yvXr GbETb SbE ShA UrEr!!!
WBRY: Unat va gurer, Gbz. Whfg n yvggyr zber.
> Hers had catalyzed him into another. She sent up a prayer. When
> he was finished. He grabbed her by the arm adn left the room.
> He brought her to the head of a long corridor. Along each of
> the sides, was a row of men.
>
> Her eyes went wide in horror.
>
> 'March' He commanded. 'You can't do this to me!' He shoved her
> foreward. the first two both took her standing up. neither said
> a word BOth were worse than the Skull This was too much. an
> entire corridor of men stood in front of her. When they
> finished, whe was thrust foreward. one grabbed her by her hair,
> and pulled her face right ti him. She tightly clamped her mouth
> shut determined not to let him in. When the other one entered
> from behind, she screamed, giving him the perfect opertunity.
____
Be sure to remove the "xx"'s from my email when replying. It should read
silas...@shaw.ca.
"Ford, you're turning into a penguin! Stop it!"
--Arthur Dent, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy