[MSTing] The A-Team? At CHIPPENDALES?!?
peasporr...@hotmail.com
read the others at The Pink Boy Buffet:
members.tripod.com/pink_boy/default.html
<<MSTing: "Something In the String of G", with the short "The
Sentence">>
<< Part 1 of 8 >>
DISCLAIMER
Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are
copyright
1999 Best Brains, Inc. "The Sentence" copyright 1998 by Medusa. Edited
for
content. "The A-Team", its characters, and situations, are copyright
1999
Stephen J. Cannel. "Something in the String of G" copyright 1999 by
Lori
Beatty.
This publication is for entertainment use only. Do not use top rung as
a step.
This publication is not meant as a personal attack on Medusa or Lori
Beatty, nor
is it meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, Sci Fi
Channel,
Medusa, Stephen J. Cannel, or Lori Beatty. What we have here is a dead
shark.
Copyright 1999 Brendan Herlihy and Steve Weinberg.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
[OPEN ON: Pan shot through Best Brain's version of deep space, full of
paper
mache planets and shooting stars that look nothing like a light bulb on
a string
with streamers attached.]
[START THEME MUSIC]
THEME SONG GUY:
In the not-too-distant future
In space that's parallel
[We panned over to a large mirror, taking up half the screen. The
image of a
smiling, friendly Mike Nelson glides into the space portion, while his
reflection, a sneering Evil Mike, duplicates this action in the mirror.]
THEME SONG GUY:
Mike Nelson had an evil twin
As mean as he is swell
[CUT TO: <Rocket Van>, Pearl checking her lipstick in her rear view.]
THEME SONG GUY:
Pearl Forrester and her rocket van
messing with things she didn't understand
[CUT TO: A model of the van flying through space bumps into the space
mirror
and its view of Evil Mike. The mirror lurches out and takes over all
the screen rather than half of it. Evil Mike laughs triumphantly in
full screen.]
THEME SONG GUY:
Gave reality a firm hard shove
And now Evil Mike's her master
on the Satellite of Love!
PEARL (spoken over): Now that was hardly my fault!
[CUT TO: Evil Mike in the <House of Pain>. His hands are fanning
computer printouts and dime novels. He then moves to a chalkboard map
of the galaxy, which has "MINE ALL MINE" graffitied over it.]
EVIL MIKE:
"I'll send her crummy postings!
The worst that there are!
While I work to rule the universe
Each planet, moon and star!"
[CUT TO: <House of Pain> Pan through the guys listed below, all
chained to the
wall and moaning, while Evil Mike does that gleeful rubbing-of-hands
thing evil
guys do for some reason.]
THEME SONG GUY:
Now Brain Guy, Bobo, Mike and bots
are prisoners, in the clink
[CUT TO: <SOL Bridge>. Pearl, lounging in a La-Z-Boy, smokes a cigar.
Clothes are strewn everywhere, even over Gypsy, who's swiveling around
in a
daze.]
THEME SONG GUY:
While Pearl's stuck on the Satellite
Driving everyone to drink!
Guess who's up there!
THEME SONG GUY: Gypsy!
[INSERT Gypsy, with a dirty bra over her eye.]
GYPSY: I'm blind!
THEME SONG GUY: Scratch!
[INSERT Scratch, the sky blue dragon, confused, his back to Cambot.]
SCRATCH: So where's Mulder?
THEME SONG GUY: Magic Voice!
[INSERT shot of empty bridge.]
MAGIC VOICE: They're ALL my best side.
THEME SONG GUY: Peeeeearl!
[INSERT Pearl, arms extended, hamming for the camera.]
PEARL: Fried chicken!
[CUT TO: Clips of Pearl with Scratch on her head talking to Trixie on
the
hexfield, Gypsy approaching Pearl morosely drinking a beer while
watching
football, Pearl shoving Gypsy away and shooting her Ghostbusters gun
around the
SOL.]
THEME SONG GUY:
If you're wondering how she eats and breathes,
and other science fare,
just remember that we don't like her much,
and we really just don't care!
On
M Y S T E R Y
S C I E N C E
T H E A T E R ,
3 0 0 0 !
<BRANG!>
/ * \... = 2 =... > 3 <... [ 4 ]... ( 5 )... | 6 |...
[OPEN ON ONE-SHOT of Gypsy on the <SOL Bridge>.]
GYPSY: Good morning, Mister and Missus Starshine, and all the phreaks
at sea.
My name is Gypsy, and what with all the hubbub and brou-ha-ha of recent
days, I
feel it is my duty to bring you this MST update.
[PULL BACK to reveal Pearl, standing at the desk in a black jump suit.
She is
looking into Cambot, smiling artificially, and her face is full of
shaving
cream. There is a bowl of water beneath her. She is starting to
shave.]
GYPSY: This is Pearl Forrester, former controller of our experiments,
now held
captive on the SOL by Mike Nelson's evil twin, known simply as Evil
Mike. She
is currently attempting a parody of those Schick Tracer commercials.
PEARL (to camera): This the sensitive part?
GYPSY: Two years ago, this might have been funny. If you squinted.
And covered
your ears. While someone ran a feather along the soles of your feet.
[Pearl whistles as she pulls the razor across her neck. Scratch, the
sky-blue
dragon, enters left (voice by Special Guest Danny DeVito!). There is a
colorful
children's ball stuck between his horns.]
GYPSY: This is the newest member of our crew, Scratch.
SCRATCH: Hiya.
GYPSY: Scratch is the latest in our long, proud tradition of characters
without
working arms.
SCRATCH (defensive): Well, I've been sick.
GYPSY: Pearl accidentally summoned him to serve as her familiar.
SCRATCH (to Pearl): Can we play fetch?
PEARL (not looking down): No.
SCRATCH: I wanna play fetch!
PEARL (turning to him, annoyed): No!
SCRATCH: Can't I get a little bit of fetch?
GYPSY (commenting): They're having trouble bonding.
SCRATCH: Lookit, you want I shouldn't fetch? Fine. Just throw the
ball, and
I'll get it back to ya.
PEARL (after a beat): That's fetching!
SCRATCH (preening, displaying the ball on his head): Aw, this old
thing? It
was just lying in the back of my closet.
PEARL (pointing): OUT!
SCRATCH (sulking): Sorry.
[Scratch leaves, Pearl returns to shaving.]
GYPSY: You may be wondering what happened to Mike, Tom, and that gold
guy.
Well, they escaped the SOL to rescue Brain Guy and Bobo, and use their
combined
power to attack Evil Mike. It kinda backfired. Now they're ALL
prisoners down
in Evil Mike's House of Pain. Any moment now, we expect Evil Mike and
his
brother Eddie to call and gloat about their nefarious scheme to rule
the
universe.
PEARL (slyly, to Cambot): You the sensitive type? I *like* that!
SCRATCH (entering quickly): Hey, Pearl! Hackeysack!
[Before Pearl can react, Scratch kicks the hackeysack up into Pearl's
shaving
hand. The razor runs across her throat and slits an artery. Pearl
screams,
Scratch screams, Pearl clutches her neck as blood spurts through her
fingers.
In agony, she collapses beneath the desk. All is silent.]
MADGE: And I'm Magic Voice. Commercial sign was ten seconds ago- but
who could
cut away from such a heartwarming moment?
GYPSY: Some of us will be right back.
SCRATCH (looking warily down at Pearl): Was this a bad time?
[Pearl's bloody hand reaches up and grabs Scratch by the throat.
Scratch lets
out a gasp of air, as we CUT TO spinning logo.]
Commercial. Just because he's Larry Bird, and you're Tweety Bird,
doesn't mean
it's funny.
---
[OPEN ON: <Close Up> of Pearl's head, thoroughly bandaged.]
PEARL (croaky): Let me die. Let me die!
[PULL BACK, there's nothing of Pearl's body left. She's just a
bandaged head
laying in a pan of neck juice. Scratch is trying to wrap more bandages
around
her.]
SCRATCH: Aw, quit yer whining. It's gonna heal! Just don't pick at
it!
[Gypsy enters, carrying a first aid kit in her mouth. When she sees
Pearl, she
drops the kit in shock.]
GYPSY: WHAT- WHAT- WHAT DID YOU DO!?
SCRATCH: Oh, cut Pearl's head off, set it in the circulating pan, and
shot her
body out the airlock. Like youse told me to!
GYPSY: I told you to get a cold compress!
SCRATCH (after a beat): Oh. Um, you sure? It sounded like that other
thing.
[Pearl growls. Light flashes.]
GYPSY: Great. Darryl Hall and Joyce Carol Oates are calling!
SCRATCH (to Pearl): So how've I served ya so far?
[Pearl snaps at Scratch's snout. He yelps.]
[CUT TO: Dungeon of the <House of Pain>. ANGLE ON Bobo, hands chained
behind
his back, hung stomach-down from the ceiling. He's singing, and
swaying lightly
to the rhythm.]
BOBO (sings): Freeee... as a biiird... It's the next best thing to-
MIKE (off camera): Bobo?
[PULL BACK. Mike is trussed up in an identical way, to our left.]
MIKE: Could you, you know... not do that?
BOBO: What, the swinging?
MIKE: The swinging, the Beatles medley, the oblivious disregard for my
impending death. You know, that.
BOBO: You don't hear Brain Guy complaining.
MIKE: They took his brain away! He thinks he's James Carville!
[PULL BACK. Observer is trussed up identically to Mike and Bobo. ]
OBSERVER (looking away from camera, nodding with that goofy Carville
grin): Ya
wanna know somethin'? I tell ya somethin'. I'm gonna tell ya, this
thing that
ahm sayin', that's what ahm tryin' ta tell ya, I tell ya what.
MIKE: Man, it's like Rain Man is speaking, and Butthead's voice comes
out!
BOBO: Huh. (waits a suitably short period, then starts head banging)
I WANNA
BE YOUR LOVER, BABY! I WANNA BE YOUR MA-
[EVIL MIKE steps in and angrily shoves a gag in Bobo's mouth.]
MIKE: Thanks.
EVIL MIKE: Good news, boys! The governor called, with pardons for each
of you!
You're free to go. NOT! Ha ha ha! Oh, say, Nelson? Got a match? Ha
ha ha
ha!
MIKE (sighing): This is your first actual taunting situation, isn't it.
EVIL MIKE: Shut up! It is not!
[Eddie, Evil Mike's "fly" twin brother, grabs Evil Mike on the
shoulder. Eddie
(also played by Michael J. Nelson- don't even try to figure it out,
it's weird!)
wears a Twins uniform, gold chains, Raybans, and a backwards baseball
cap.]
EDDIE: Bro? If you're done settin' the standards of evil back a
millennium,
we're ready to start. (to camera) Folks at home, if you're thinkin'
of
becomin' an evil genius, or hey! Just look like one! You'll want to
record
this next bit.
EVIL MIKE: Eddie! You'll undercut the lecture circuit!
EDDIE: Aw, man! I remember when helping evil spread its fetid
tendrils across
the cosmos was the most important thing in the world to you! Now, it's
just
about the money.
[Eddie sighs, and shakes his bowed head. Deadpan, Evil Mike takes out
a staple
gun, and holds it level with Eddie's forehead. He waits for Eddie to
look up.
When Eddie freezes in confusion, Evil Mike puts it to his forehead and
squeezes.
The momentum pushes Eddie backwards off camera, howling in pain.]
EVIL MIKE: There's a freebie for ya, Eddie! (turns to Mike) Now then,
where
were we? Ah, yes, erasing your miserably redundant presence from the
universe!
MIKE (scared): Yeah. Well, you know, no rush. We could have some
lunch first,
talk some hockey... how about them Mighty Ducks, huh?
EVIL MIKE: No-no-no-no-no, my dear dumb double. You see, I was
summoned to this
world to deal with Pearl, because I was her perfect nemesis. This
universe,
however, already had you, its substandard, irregular version. The two
of us
fighting to occupy the same spatial structure has stressed universal
integrity
to dangerously cataclysmic proportions. Like doubling the air in a
balloon.
EDDIE (groggily edging back into the shot, staple in his forehead): Or
overstuffing a burrito.
[Evil Mike gives Eddie a look.]
EDDIE: Well, I mean, it would be hard to keep together, what with the
rice and
the beans falling out the-
[Evil Mike brings the staple gun back and shoots Eddie in the head
again. Eddie
cries in pain and is pushed out of shot again.]
EVIL MIKE: Time to let some air out the balloon, Nelson. YOUR air, to
be
precise. (calling) Huey! Dewey! Bring- the soul timer!
[MUSICAL STING!]
[Crow and Tom, seeming very normal and unaffected (i.e., bickering
amongst
themselves), walk in carrying an hourglass bigger than either of them.]
TOM (chuckling): Mike called you Doody!
CROW: He did not!
TOM: Doody!
CROW: Quit it!
MIKE: Guys, what are you doing?!
CROW: Oh, hey, Mike! Just helpin' Mike here.
TOM: Yeah, Mike said Mike would consider it as a personal favor to Mike
if we
helped Mike out. Even if Mike is kind of a doofus. (snickers)
CROW (laughing): Yeah. Mike is such a dweeb! Mike's kinda cool,
though.
TOM: Oh, yeah.
MIKE: Guys, that's not ME! It's EVIL me!
CROW (disgusted): God. Mike is so judgmental! I wish he'd be more
like Mike.
[Evil Mike, grinning, takes the hourglass and shows it to Mike with a
flourish.]
EVIL MIKE: Do you know what this is for, Mike Nelson?
MIKE (shivering): Uh- as the sand in the top slowly trickles away, my
existence
becomes fainter and fainter unti-
[Suddenly, with an audible <POP>, Mike Nelson DISAPPEARS. PAN to a
groggy
Eddie, two staples in his forehead, hand on a lever he has just pulled.]
EDDIE: No. It's to time our Passover brisket. I erase you with this
lever over
here.
[PAN back to Evil mike gloating over Mike's empty, swinging chains.
Bobo reacts
in horror. Brain Guy just looks away, smiles and nods.]
EVIL MIKE: Send my regards to Elijah, Mike! I'll set out some wine for
you at
dinner! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
BRAIN GUY (still as Carville): Now-now-now-now-now-now-now-now-now-now-
now-now-
now-now-now-now can I say somethin' heah?
EVIL MIKE: Muzzle it.
BRAIN GUY (smiling): Aw'right.
EDDIE (enters): What shall I do with the robots, oh wielder of the
Swingline?
EVIL MIKE: Shut'em down. They're of no further use to us.
EDDIE: Solid.
[Eddie fiddles with the back of Servo)]
SERVO (moaning pleasure): Mmmm... oh, a little harder, please.
Higher! To the
left. Yes, there!
CROW (bouncing): Oh! Oh! Do me next! Do me next! I'm next!
EDDIE: Bro? There doesn't seem to be a power pack on these things.
EVIL MIKE: What? (He grabs Crow roughly, picking him up to examine
him.)
CROW: Whee-heee!
[Frustrated, Evil Mike grabs a utility light from off screen, and hangs
it from
the staple on Eddie's forehead. E.M. holds Crow upside-down in front
of the
light, perusing him. Crow laughs.]
CROW: Whee! Now throw me!
[Evil Mike throws him lightly to rotate him.]
CROW: Wheee!
TOM: No fair! He smells and stinks and didn't clean his room and stuff!
EVIL MIKE (to Eddie): Solar?
EDDIE: I don't see any collector panels.
EVIL MIKE: Hmm... Dopey Me may have blundered onto something here.
(to camera)
Grody Fields? I know I promised to mock and torment you with our plan
to rule
the universe, but another project's come up. Why don't you choke on-
oops! I
mean, enjoy- another fanfic! This one's a Lori Beatty "A-Team" story
set at
Chippendales, called "Something in the String of G". It's chock full
of mystery
and intrigue! Provided Mystery and Intrigue are the names the
strippers give
their-
[Eddie clears his throat.]
EVIL MIKE: Well, anyway, there's also a short! Another female growth
story,
called "The Sentence". Send'em the postings, fool!
EDDIE (turns to Tom, light hanging over his face): How do I turn you
off?
TOM: Easy. Just don't shave your armpits!
[Crow sniggers.]
[CUT TO: <SOL Bridge> Close-up of Pearl's head. She is PISSED.]
GYPSY: Sorry, Pearl, until the ship's sensors find your body, this is
the best I
can do!
[PULL BACK. Pearl's head has been attached inside of the gumball globe
of the
GIANT TOM SERVO from "High School Big Shot". She rotates back and
forth, and
watches her arms swing ineffectually at her side.]
SCRATCH: Ugh. No offense, Pearl, but, heh... red's not your color.
[Buzzer sounds.]
GYPSY: Fiction sign!
[Pearl leans over Scratch threateningly- she's much bigger than him.
Her voice
sounds somewhat muffled, since her mouth is inside the globe.]
PEARL: Seven words, wing-ed wurm! Flour, deep fryer, eleven herbs and
spices!
SCRATCH (cowering, ala Daffy Duck): Mother!
| 6 |... ( 5 )... [ 4 ]... > 3 <... = 2 =... / * \...
[Pearl (in Giant Servo's body), Scratch, and Gypsy enter the theater.
Magic
Voice (Madge), is already present.]
PEARL: I have *never* been so humiliated. Aw, cripes! My breath is
foggin' up
the globe!
MADGE: So if we put a penny in her neck, would her head fall out her
mouth?
SCRATCH: Nah, the good prizes *never* come out first.
[Scratch and Madge laugh. Pearl growls.]
>THE SENTENCE
>by Medusa
SCRATCH (as Dylan): EEEVerybody, must, get stoned!
GYPSY: So should we have prepared a highly polished shield before
entering the
theater?
PEARL: Or consulted with Burgess Meredith and his goofy mechanical owl?
>
>
>The bright lights and the cool air surrounding me, finally granted me
>the peace of mind I had been seeking for ages.
MADGE (sings The Eagles): I got a peeeeaceful, easy feeelin'!
GYPSY (sings "La Paloma Blanca"): Oh when the sun shines, on the
mountain! And
the bird is on the run!
>It all seemed so long
>ago, yet again it felt like it happened in a flash. Tony laying there
in
>his own pool of blood, as I cradled his head.
SCRATCH: Me holdin' the chlorine tablets and doin' the pH test.
>The overwhelming grief
>more than I could bare.
PEARL: Oh, you'll be *baring* a lot more soon enough, sister.
MADGE: Was that a Delaneyan slip, ya think?
GYPSY: Could be.
> My mind had just shut down.
GYPSY: General Protection Fault!
SCRATCH: Out of system resources. Please insert your Mastercard and
reboot.
>The events that took
>place right afterward are still a blur.
ALL (as "Song #3"): WHOO-HOO!
SCRATCH (sings): The feelin' in my head!
ALL: WHOO-HOO!
>
>A sudden noise startled me back to reality. I strained to turn my head
>to see who was walking in.
>
>"Its time." A calm voice said soothingly.
MADGE: Oh no! You interrupted Mr. Welles's wine commercial!
>
>I closed my eyes as I felt the sting of the needle penetrate my flesh.
>The hot liquid seared through my veins. As my past 4 years raced
across
>my mind.
GYPSY (as condemned): Oh, there I am watching TV! And there, that's
another
time I was watching TV! And then there was that time, the Pope came to
town.
And I stayed home and watched TV!
>
>"Tony...Tony...TONNYYY !!!
SCRATCH (as Tony Danza): What, Latka?!
PEARL (Latka): Ppppppbt!
> OH MY GOD...Tony...you have to wake up.
MADGE: You can't die without calling in to work, they'll take it out of
your
paycheck!
>Please honey...wake up and tell me what happened." Then the blood
>started flowing.
PEARL: What, just then?
>A huge puddle formed under his body, as I lifted his
>head to my lap,
SCRATCH: Ew. Sounds like Tony could use some of Pearl's neck juice.
PEARL (leaning over): I'll hurt you, Smaug Boy.
SCRATCH (cowering): Sorry.
>stroking his thick curly hair. "noooo...Tony...don't
>leave me now."
MADGE: You know, later comes the shocking twist ending, when they show
Tony is
actually her wire-hair terrier.
SCRATCH: Whoo-hoo!
>
>I was cold and it was dark now.
GYPSY: Suddenly a shot rang out.
> How long had past ? I started to get up
>when the door crashed in. I was surrounded by police with guns drawn.
PEARL: Wow, Tony must've run the local Krispy Kreme.
>Scared, I started to back away.
>
>"Move and we shoot." one voice stated.
>
>"Tony's dead." I stammered.
ALL: PKSHEW! PKSHEW! POW POW POW! RAT-aTAT! RAT-aTAT!
PEARL: Well, the perp had fair warning.
SCRATCH: Yup, time for the NYPD office pool! Who had 41 bullets?
>
>"Lay down with your hands above your head."
MADGE: Now lift your chest off the ground! And pulse! Pulse! Feel it
working the lower back!
>
>I started to protest, but the clicking of the guns
GYPSY: Wha- hey, those aren't guns! They're cicadas!
>told me I better do
>what they asked now. Later it would all be straightened out. But that
>was not to be.
>
PEARL: Yeah, turns out Camryn Mannheim's not as good a lawyer in real
life.
>
>Tossed into a cold cell, after being brutally searched and questioned.
SCRATCH: All right, punk! In what year was the storming of the
Bastille?! Who
invented the spinning jenny?! TALK, DAMMIT!
Madge laughs.
>I
>was beginning to believe I had killed Tony. They sounded so sure,
GYPSY: OK, so what's the D.A.'s case here? She shot him, never left
his side,
and using her arcane knowledge of the weird sciences, caused the gun to
sublimate?
PEARL: Hmm...
> and I
>could not recall a single event.
SCRATCH: Doubles matches were easier to remember, though.
>My mind had shut down. Deep down I knew
>I would never harm him. Tony was the only person in this world I cared
>about.
MADGE (as condemned): Just him, and Letterman. Which reminds me, I
should
really get back to my housesitting...
>He helped me forget the anguish of being abandoned as an infant,
>shuffled around from home to home for years. He made me believe I was
>someone worth loving. I could not have hurt him, no matter how much
they
>said I did.
>
>The endless trials were finally over. The sentence : DEATH
GYPSY: So, if Kit Montague's "Name of the Game" is the "yin," where
everything
happens four times, then this story is the "yang"- everything happens
and we
never see it!
SCRATCH: Includin' this broad's name. Man, that really bugs me.
PEARL: You gotta learn to pay less attention, bubby.
MADGE: Oh, yes, you're such a riffing veteran, Pearl.
>
>For the past few days I could hear the protesters outside chanting.
ALL (chanting): Two, five, twelve, eight! Why are we innumerate?
>They
>didn't know me.
GYPSY: But I seemed like a nice person.
SCRATCH: So, this "you" they don't know. Would her name be...
Alannis? Brandy? Collete? Dakota?
>I could hear the prayers, the cries for mercy, but
>without my Tony, I wondered if I would want to go on.
PEARL: You have, for three pages already!
MADGE: You know, some death row inmates have been known to whine a
whole ten minutes after their heart stops beating.
SCRATCH: Evangeline? Fay? Goldie? Hortense?
>
>As I felt the poison gushing through my body, my eyes flew open in
rage.
GYPSY: They're out of Columbian coffee!
>
>"WAIT...I am not ready to die...I know who did this.
MADGE (as condemned): Uh... Clinton! Yeah! He did it! Richard Mellon
Scaife was right all along!
SCRATCH: Isabelle? Jaqueline? Keri with an I, or a Y, or an R or Z or
whatever the HELL they put in there.
> I have to talk to
>somebody." I struggled with the leather straps that bound me to the
>sterile table.
PEARL: Is infection of the condemned a great cause for concern here?
>Thrashing my head back and forth,
GYPSY: Diving into the mosh pit!
>I tried to kick my legs
>free. I felt one begin to stretch.
PEARL: It's Skank Armstrong!
SCRATCH: No, it's not! Gotta be something though. Layla? Moon Unit?
Nadya?
Olive?
> I focused all my will to that one
>foot. The leather pealed back.
MADGE: Spellcheckers are grate, aren't they?
GYPSY: A reel boon two mankind.
>I then started to wildly kick at the
>other foot.
PEARL: Oh, why bother? Lucy's just gonna pull it away at the last
minute.
> The doors flew open and the guards started filing in.
GYPSY: WHAT did we tell you about fidgeting at your execution, young
lady?!
>Suddenly they stopped moving. The room went silent. I looked down and
>saw my legs shoot out past the table.
MADGE: TWEET! Offsides!
SCRATCH: Petula? Ruby? Su-su-ssudio?
>My arm straps burst away, the
>table started to buckle under me.
>
>"What the hell is going on?" Suddenly there was mayhem in the chamber.
GYPSY: A Melissa Gilbert made-for-TV movie. CBS Friday.
>Guards came rushing forward trying to restrain me, but my body just
kept
>on getting bigger.
PEARL: Was there ever a guard in any story that was worth a rat's
patootey?
MADGE: Mmm... not really.
SCRATCH: Tammy, Ursula, Violet? Willimena? Yolanda? Zinnia!
PEARL: Oh, stop! Zinnia ain't no name!
SCRATCH: Oh. Well. Guess that must be the one, then!
---
Logo, Commercials. Pepperidge Farms remembers. Oh, we have a long,
long
memory. Say, how's your mother? Does she still forget to lock the
back door
sometimes? Hope she has a good night's sleep.
<End Part 1>
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