MiSTing: Holodeck Series - part 1
Amanda Van Rhyn
Oh, well, we all have to start somewhere. Anyway, this is my second
misting (the first was posted to alt.tv.mst3k months ago - e-mail me if
you want a copy). Due to my newbieness, C&C etc. would be vastly
appreciated.
The fanfic being misted here is actually fanfic for the computer game
_Creatures_... a lot of these riffs are topical, so you might want to go
to http://www.creatures.co.uk/ for more info on the game.
Disclaimer: I've e-mailed the fanfic's author, Bean, and attached a copy
of the MiSTing. I have yet to get a response. If she e-mails me back and
flames me out about this... well, tough.
One last thing before I wrap up these stupid author comments... I
believe this is also a self-insertion fanfic, since it's revealed near
the end that the protagonist's screen name is Bean. You may commence the
quivering in fear. All right, on to the misting.]
MiSTing - "The HoloDeck Series"
Original story by Bean
(Opening MST3K Theme plays. Any Joel-season lyrics and graphics can go
here. We see the doors in reverse and... )
(Scene: SoL. Crow and Tom are hunched over a gameboard, while Joel
looks on.)
JOEL: Oh, hello there, Cambot. As you can see, Tom and Crow are beta
testing our invention for today's Exchange.
TOM: Yep! We've invented an all-new, adults-only version of one of
everyone's favorite childhood board game!
CROW: Yes, you guessed it! We're playing... Strip Candyland!! Go ahead,
Servo, it's your turn.
(Tom takes a card from the pile and moves his little token thing
forward.)
TOM: Oh, no, Molasses Swamp!
CROW: Oooh... let me see here... (he grabs a chart by the gameboard)
Molasses Swamp? You have to take off your blouse.
TOM: Um... Crow... hate to spoil the fun, good buddy, but I just
realized something.
CROW: What's that?
TOM: We're robots. We're not wearing anything, so we can't strip.
CROW: Awwwww... hmm, maybe if we raid Joel's closet we can try it
then...
(The Mads' light begins flashing.)
JOEL: Never mind that, guys, Merry and Pippin are on the viewscreen.
(Joel turns the viewscreen on. In Deep 13, Dr. Forrester is at the
screen. We can see TV's Frank in profile, working at a computer. Unusual
noises - squeaking, giggles, kissing, and yelping - can be heard from
the computer. Dr. F looks back at it, looking peeved.)
DR. F: Hideyho to you, Elrond, Elros, and Elrohir. As you can see, my
faithless guinea- pig-boy has found himself a new computer passion.
FRANK: (turns towards Dr. F for a second) Yup! See, I found this cool
game called Creatures...
DR. F: Sigh. Yes, Creatures, the new bane of my existence. You see,
SuperFriends, this game creates tiny critters called Norns. Think
Tamagotchi to a power of 10 - cute graphics, speech in ditsy
sentence-fragment gibberish, unreal to care for. These things have no
survival instincts at *all* - but Frank's become addicted to them! They
take so much care that he can barely leave the computer for anything...
FRANK: (attention back towards the computer screen) Alice, push food!
PUSH FOOD, DAMN YOU!!!
DR. F: Oh, what an evil genius has to take these days. Never mind, the
show must go on. Frank, tear yourself away from Alice's heartrending
battle with anorexia long enough to do the Invention Exchange, won't
you?
FRANK: Oh, all right, Steve, if you *insist*. (Frank gets up from his
computer and walks towards Dr. F.)
DR. F: All right, Cosmonauts O' Doom, why don't you go first?
JOEL: (whispering to bots) Don't worry, we'll debug Strip Candyland
more some other time. I have a backup invention. (To Mads) Our invention
for this week...
(He rummages around behind him and comes up with a tennis ball can)
JellO Tennis Balls! (He pulls one out of the can; it appears, as the
name suggests, to be a tennis ball made out of green JellO.) See? Now
it's easy to combine sports and snacking in one easy pastime! (He
bounces the tennis ball, catches it as it rebounds, and takes a large
bite out of it. ) Now in 5 Fruity Flavors!
(Back at Deep 13, the Mads look singularly unimpressed.)
DR. F: Not bad, my troubled little losers. But not as not-bad as our
invention! Frank...
FRANK: (obviously stalling) Um... er... well, I was trying to get Bob
and Bethy to breed...
DR. F: (confused) And what does this have to do with the fabulous
invention you promised me, Frank?
FRANK: Oh, nothing. Except that the invention doesn't exist.
DR. F: Frank!!! You eediot!!! You're making us look like losers in
front of the ... oh, wait... (he finds an umbrella) Yes, this will do,
and they'll never know the difference.
(To J&TB) Very well, today's invention is a... portable beating stick.
JOEL: A beating stick?
DR. F: Yes, except that it's travel-sized. Watch. (Holds out folded
umbrella) See? Packed for easy travel. (Pushes a button to elongate the
shaft, although the umbrella doesn't open.) And now perfectly sized for
beating!! (begins beating Frank over the head with the umbrella)
Especially for beating idiot... assistants... addicted... to... the...
computer!! (Dr. F is pretty mad now, and Frank is getting beaten down.)
JOEL: (to bots) Be very quiet, guys. If he beats Frank long enough,
he'll forget about the experiment.
DR. F: (Suddenly back to bots, leaving Frank whimpering and beaten in
the corner) Ah, yes, that's right, your experiment!
(J&TB cringe and cower, whimpering.)
DR. F: Well, today's piece of slimy fungus masquerading as fiction was
an inspired choice because of Frank's new little hobby. It's called the
_HoloDeck Series_, and it's a serial fanfic inspired by that Norn game.
Plenty of jargon, pseudoscience, and cutesiness! Enjoy, boys! (Dr. F
cackles madly as the viewscreen blinks out.)
JOEL: We've Got Fanfic Sign!!!!
[6]
[5]
[4]
[3]
[2]
[1]
(Scene: the Theater. J&TB get settled in their usual seats.)
CROW: And now, let the wild rumpus start.
> Katherine looked out her window, checking for any of her friends.
CROW: (Katherine) Oh, wait, I don't *have* any friends. Silly me.
> She looked left, right, and forward.
JOEL: Tragic that she still got hit crossing the street.
> "Great!" she thought. "No one in sight."
> She then preceded to slink downstairs. Very carefully, she maneuvered to her secret Lab, > where she did all her experiments.
ALL: DEEP 13!!!!!
> "Good Afternoon, Katie." Called a robotic voice.
CROW: (voice even more robotic than usual) How about a nice game of
chess, Katie?
> This was Katherine's Lab Assistant, a floating robot named Blip.
TOM: Look, a robot!
CROW: Yeah, we can have a role model now!
JOEL: Guys, don't get too excited. Blip sounds like Beeper on Ritalin.
> (Blip stands for: Binary Linear Intersystem Platform. Which means,
roughly, "can >communicate with any 叢latform', or operating system,
including the human one.".
CROW: Say, Joel, what is the human OS?
JOEL: Gee, I dunno... I think it's Win95.
TOM: Wow, that explains a *lot*.
> Or, at least it did to Katherine.)
> "Blip, my name is Katherine." She corrected. "Anyway, care to help me?"
> "That's what I was made for." replied Blip. "You last left your invention connected to >Hailey." (Hailey is what Katherine & Blip call the computer down in the lab.)
JOEL: So, Katherine, Blip, and Hailey?
CROW: Sounds like a great love triangle.
> "Excellent. I simply need to program a few more genes
JOEL: (Blip) Well, the Levi's and Wranglers still need to be
programmed.
> into the main circuitry, and it will > be complete! We can beta test it today if all goes >well. Blip: Load up the data on the Digestive, > toxin and appearance genes." Said Katherine, >sticking the Creatures CD into Blip's D:/ drive.
CROW: Say, is that a CD-Rom in your D:/ drive, or are you -
TOM: Crow, let's not go there.
> Flashes of numbers lit up on Blip's screen. Within a few seconds, Blip announced "Data > Loaded! Ready for transfer."
TOM: (Blip) Hey, baby, how'd you like to come up to my apartment and
help me transfer some data?
> "Ready for the converter cable?" asked Katherine, hooking a long black wire into a port > of Blip's In the middle of the Cable was a converter box, at the end was a large, round, black >platform that resembled the teleporters in Creatures. Katherine found a button on the box and >pushed it. "Data transfer in progress." She confirmed. Numbers began to flash on Blip's Screen > again. He was sending data to the black teleporter, which was called the "HoloDeck".
JOEL: Uh, guys, did she just say "HoloDeck"?
TOM: Yeah. This can only mean one thing...
ALL: Creatures - Star Trek crossover! AAAAAHHHHH!
> This transfer took a few minutes. "Checking Data...." said Blip. "Data transfer >confirmed. Ready for test Beta!"
CROW: Ah yes, and after the test beta-ing comes the bug de-ing.
> "All right!" exclaimed Katherine in glee. "Let's hope the Creatures end works." She got > the Creatures CD out of Blip, & stuck it in Hailey.
JOEL: All right, before we go on, I want to make it clear that there
will be _no_ riffs with computer double entendres.
CROW: Aww, not even my SCSI port joke?
JOEL: *Especially* not your SCSI port joke. All right, let's go on with
the riffing.
> Creatures was promptly started up, and the game opened to a scene with a small, young >banana Norn girl was playing in the garden.
> "Push food" Said Jenna, the norn, and ate a carrot.
TOM: All right, now the story's crossed the bounds of realism. The
underground lab and weird robot I can believe, but *not* a norn eating
on its own!
> Jenna started to look around for another carrot when she noticed something new in the >garden- a black teleporter.
> "Push mover" Katherine typed in. Jenna decided that this might be fun. You never know > where a mover takes you.
JOEL: Man, this norn must be a genius.
> Jenna climbed on to the teleporter and pushed the red button.
> Back in Katherine's lab, a flash of light appeared over the HoloDeck.
CROW: (Katherine) Oh no, it's that doctor dude from Voyager!
> It was Jenna, being transferred from Albia to earth. Jenna looked
around. There was an >unusual thing in front of her. It looked a little
like her, only it had brown hair & eyes.
TOM: Ah, this explains the entire story! You see, Katherine's just a
highly evolved Norn, and that's why she has no friends and she has to do
her experiments in private and all her projects have irrelevant names...
*TOM's head begins smoking*
JOEL: Settle down, Tommy boy. It's just a fanfic, it doesn't have to be
rationalized.
> Beside the thing was a flying "computer"- but it didn't look like the computer she was taught > about. It was small & round. The odd, hairy thing leaned down. "Yah, Bay Bee"! It said.
JOEL: Katherine Powers, International Mad Scientist of Mystery!
CROW: (Katherine) I bet that Norn shags like a minx!
> Jenna was confused. Where was the speech bubble? Then it said some odd words.
> "Well, Blip, we can rule out that norns squeak when they talk on Earth."
TOM: BUT THE NORN DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!!! *head begins smoking again*
JOEL: Down, boy. Here, have some Valium.
(Joel hands Tom a pill. Tom takes it pretty readily.)
> Said Katherine, the 践airy Thing'.
CROW: Ooh, *bad* image there.
> "Shall we try words?"
> "Go for it." replied Blip, the 祖omputer.'
> "Push" said Katherine, looking at Jenna. Finally, something Jenna understood! To a norn, > speaking is the same as reading it out of the bubble.
JOEL: HoloDeck - now with 50% MORE non-sequitur action!
> So, Jenna looked around for something to push. There was Blip, and there was the HoloDeck. > But the Katherine looked more inviting. She took a few steps toward it, and "pushed" it.
TOM: And Katherine falls back, hitting something and starting a chain
of events that destroys the entire lab and they all die and go to the
bad place!!!
JOEL: Do we need more Valium, Tom?
TOM: Maybe.
(Joel hands Tom more Valium. He wolfs it down.)
> "Dat" Said Jenna.
> "Hand" Said Katherine.
> "Hold on here" thought Jenna. "Hand doesn't look anything like this." Jenna thought >maybe Katherine could help. "Think" said Jenna.
> "Poor thing's confused." Remarked Katherine to Blip. "She's never seen the rest of me." > Katherine held out her hand. "Hand" repeated Katherine.
> Something clicked in Jenna's mind. Here, in front of her, was the hand she loved. But it > was attached to a stick, a tube, and other stuff. Was this the rest of hand?
CROW: Yup, kid, that's all humans are. Just a bunch of connected sticks
and tubes and stuff.
> "Hand", Jenna said, understanding.
> Katherine got up and hugged Blip.
JOEL: (Blip) Ow, ma'am, you're crushing my CPU... oh, to hell with it.
> "It works! It WORKS!" She shouted. Jenna saw this, & figured that pushing Blip might be >fun. She reached up.
> "Jenna Yes" Said Katherine. Jenna giggled. This place really was fun!
> "Jenna get Mover". Said Katherine. Jenna was going to help carry the HoloDeck out of >the lab.
CROW: And why again are they trusting their most complex device to a
creature with the IQ of bean curd?
> She grabbed one end of the HoloDeck, and Katherine got the other. Blip, having no arms, >could only hover close & give Jenna directions. Together, the trio maneuvered to Katherine's, > even though it was tough telling Jenna to go up stairs when she was used to lifts. Finally, after > a long series of "Jenna yes" and "Jenna no" (Every time they said no, Jenna dropped the >HoloDeck, so they needed to be very careful.) Finally they got to their destination. Katherine >put down her end. "Jenna drop Mover". she commanded. Jenna led the HoloDeck drop with a >thud. She was used to dropping cheese & carrots, which weren't as delicate as a link to another > world.
TOM: (sounding mellowed-out) Aww... the carrot isn't a link to an
alternate universe after all. The faeries lied to me, man.
> "Now," Katherine said to Blip, "Let's get Jenna back inside and call Susan. She'll want to hear > about this!" Katherine then turned to Jenna and told her to "push mover". Jenna was tired, and > wanted to go home. She voluntarily pushed mover and was zapped back into Albia. Glad to be > in the garden, she pushed food, & then fell asleep. Katherine turned the HoloDeck off to >prevent any other norn in the world, or worse yet the Grendel coming into her room uninvited. > She then trotted in the Kitchen, Blip by her side, and dialed up Susan. The conversation went >like this:
> "Hello, Susan?"
JOEL: (Susan) Katherine! I thought phone calls were covered by the
restraining order?!?
> "Hi Katherine!"
> "Can you come over real quick! I want you to see my latest experiment!"
> "Is this one like the norn that was suppose to be immune to Death Cap Mushrooms, but >died from the fever toxin in the thing?"
> "Well..."
> "OR like the norn who was suppose to be fearless, and you were going to use him as a >Grendel Basher, but he developed a fear of Cheese and starved?"
TOM: (still audibly mellowed out) Hey, man, don't be bashing normal
Norns, man.
> "WELL..."
> "OR like the..."
> "ALL RIGHT!" I get the point. But this is way better. You have to see this.
> "Fine, I'll come over & see this. But if I'm right..."
> "You'll get bragging points."
> "Sounds good. See you in a second. Bye!"
> "Bye!"
> And then they hung up. What seemed like 5 minutes later,
CROW: ... and probably *was*, since stupid humans can't magically beam
themselves everywhere...
> Susan was standing in Katherine's room.
JOEL: (Susan) You've done good things with this place. I like the theme
of black latex and chains.
> "So," said a skeptical Susan, "This thing is suppose to take norns from inside the >computer to our world."
CROW: (Katherine) No, no, silly, *that*'s my Wesley Crusher love
shrine. This over here is the magical transporter device.
> "Yuhp. And it works, too!" Announced Katherine. She turned to Hailey and asked Jenna > (Who was still in the garden)to "Push mover". Jenna looked at Albia's HoloDeck and thought > about what happened last time. She got to see new things, and it was fun!
JOEL: (falsetto) It's fun to have fun!
> She went over, and pushed mover.
> There was a flash over the HoloDeck in Katherine's room. When the light cleared, there > stood Jenna. Susan looked at this... norn, that was now a physical being. She could not believe > that Katherine finally did something right. There was only one word to describe this feeling, >which she said aloud.
CROW: DeepHurting?
JOEL: Pseudoscience?
BOTH (Tom appears to be mellowing out while this all is happening):
MEGAWEAPON!
TOM: (mellowed) Megaweapon, man?
JOEL: Well, it's a good all-purpose word.
> "Wow".
> Jenna looked at Susan. Something crossed her mind. Now there were two hands.
TOM: (mellow still) Whoa, man, Katherine managed to clone herself a new
one after that gruesome accident with the carrot vendor, man?
> This had been a _very _ confusing day. She sat down best a norn could. "Think" she said, >responding to all this.
> "Susan, stick out your hand & say 践and'" said Katherine. Susan did so, which made Jenna think even more. Two hands?
JOEL: Yes, yes, yes, class, humans have two hands. Haven't we covered
this before?
> Oh well, at least they looked different.
> "Think she's hungry?" Asked Susan.
> "Let's get her a carrot." said Blip. He, Katherine & Susan went off toward the kitchen in > search of norn food.
CROW: Norn Chow - now 97% Ettin-byproduct-free!
> "Jenna" said Katherine before she left the room, hoping to attract Jenna. But Jenna didn't > come.
> Jenna took a closer look at the HoloDeck, trying to figure out how it worked. She found a > switch that she had pushed earlier. What if she didn't stand on the HoloDeck while pushing? >She reached for the button and was about to push.
> Back in Albia, a purple mountain norn named Jack was in the garden. He saw a carrot >lying on the HoloDeck. This looked good, so he stepped on the HoloDeck to get the carrot.
JOEL: Again, there's far too much food-pushing in this. Doesn't the
author know that norns have severe food phobias?
> At about this instant, Jenna pushed the HoloDeck on Earth and
transported Jack from Albia to > her new world. There was a flash of
light, and then there was Jack. Jenna looked at Jack. >"Push norn" she
said, and gave him a big tickle.
CROW: Joel, before I respond to what must be a seriously stupid scene,
I'd like to protest that Tom hasn't done *nearly* his fair share of the
riffing.
JOEL: Well, Crow, I had to give Tom some Valium for his continuity
seizures...
CROW: Um, Joel?
JOEL: Yeah?
CROW: We're *robots*, remember? Valium doesn't *do* anything to us.
JOEL: Wait a sec... you're right... Tom!!
TOM: (now back to normal) Uh, hehe... sorry, just a little joke...
shall I riff now?
CROW: Go right ahead, Valium-boy.
> Jack liked this and decided to return the favor. "Norn" he announced and tickled Jenna >right back. Then he gave her a kiss.
> Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Blip, Susan and Katherine were looking for norn food.
> "Hey, did you hear that?" Said Susan.
> "What?" asked Blip.
> "It sounded like... Norns Kissing?!" replied Susan.
> "OH my GOSH!" Shouted Katherine in Horror. "I left the HoloDeck on!"
TOM: Oh, why, why, couldn't it have been the toaster and been the cause
of the house burning down? Why, Fanfic Gods, why??
> Everyone then realized that another norn was in there doing who knows what. Immediately the > trio dashed down the hall, and began to turn to get into Katherine's room. Katherine, being a >horrific klutz, fell over in her excitement, landing at the feet of Jenna.
CROW: I hear Katherine demanded a stuntperson for this scene in the
fanfic.
> She lay there for a second, because she landed funny and hurt a little. As she lay, she heard the > loudest Kisspop you ever heard.
TOM: Guys, does this mean what I think it means?
JOEL: I think so...
ALL: Norn porn! Aiiie!
> Opening her eyes, she saw exactly what she didn't want to see, Jack and Jenna.
> "Oh... My..." Katherine picked herself up. "Did they just..." She looked at Blip and >Susan, who apparently saw the whole thing as Katherine had heard it.
> "Yuhp." Said Susan. "Let's put her back into Albia so we can see if she's pregnant."
> Katherine & Blip looked at each other. Blip decided to explain. "There's something you > should know... Somehow the HoloDeck reacts with the fetal fluids of Pregnant Norns.... Any >pregnant norn that uses the HoloDeck is killed instantly. Jenna will have to stay on Earth until > we determine if she is pregnant, and if she is, then she will have the first norn ever born here >on this planet."
JOEL: And the Deus ex Machina thickens!
TOM: And the plot ... remains as anemic as it was before!
CROW: And Jenna accidentally pushes mover and dies!
JOEL: We can only hope, little buddy. We can only hope.
[Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness! Fresh goes better with Mentos
freshen full of life!]
[The Mentos commercials end. We're back to the SoL theater.]
> ---------
TOM: This message brought to you by the Hyphen Corporation. Hyphens -
the punctuation mark you've been missing!
> "So, let me get this straight." said Susan, looking Katherine in the eye.
> "Jenna, if she is pregnant, can not go back to Albia."
> "Right." Said Katherine.
> "Because if she does, the fetal fluids would kill her." Susan
slowly
> repeats.
JOEL: (Susan) Well, what are we waiting for? I don't see a bad side to
this.
> "Right." said Katherine.
> "SO, if she is pregnant, we have to keep her on earth for... How long?"
> inquires Susan, realizing she has no idea how fast norns age on earth.
> Katherine looked to Blip.
CROW: Oh, it's *just* like humans to make the robot do everything...
> "According to my calculations, around... 12 earth hours." Blip spat out.
> "Oh my gosh... It's one in the afternoon now!"
JOEL: (Susan) Omigod, we may have to stay up five minutes late!!
> said Susan, placing her head on the doorframe.
TOM: For the love of God, someone slam the door! This is our chance!
> Jenna, having no idea what was going on just yet, went up to Susan.
> "Bibble" she said. She could tell Susan wasn't happy, and wanted her to feel
> better. She gave Susan a big tickle.
> "Jenna yes" sighed Blip. Jenna giggled.
CROW: OK, when do these things link hands and shoot the Love Beams from
their stomachs?
TOM: Oh, you missed that part.
> Katherine thought a minute. "We really don't know if she's pregnant or
> not." she said. "SO, if she's not, we're home free. We just need to employ a
> simple 'lab test' on Jenna. You stay up here, get Jack back to Albia, and take
> some notes on the grendel or something. Blip and I will go back to the lab and
> employ some... tests." Susan knew not to ask to follow, because the lab was a
> "secret", and no one becides Katherine, Blip, & Jenna had seen or been alowed
> in.
JOEL: Well, aside from those wild parties with Dr. Forrester and TV's
Frank after the annual Mad Science Con.
> Katherine and Blip and managed to get Jenna downstairs, and in the lab.
> Katherine, once in her lab, dug in a medicine cabnet and found a special pill.
> She handed it to Jenna and told her to "push plant". Jenna looked at the pill.
> It wasn't like any other plant SHE ever saw, but she knew if she diddn't follow
> Hand's directions, she would get a good smack. She downed it, and instantly
> fell asleep.
TOM: (Katherine) I smell experiment idea... let's force-feed her these
until she ODs!
> The partners imediatly started into using their lab talk. "Patient under.
> Prepare for exploritory procedures." Said Katherine, picking up Jenna and
> laying her
(Joel and Tom both face Crow expectantly)
CROW: Geez, guys, have some faith. That riff's too easy even for *me*.
> on a nearby table. On the table were some cables. "Blip, you ready?"
> Asked Katherine.
> "I don't think I'll ever be..." replied Blip. But it was too late.
JOEL: SqueamBot 5000! With real squirming action!
> Katherine was hooking the cables into Blip. Then, she connected the end of the
> cables, which had special electrodes, to Jenna.
> "Katherine," Blip interrupted, "Why do we do it this way?"
> "Think of it this way: Jenna was once computer code, just a bunch of 0's &
> 1's." Explained Katherine. "Now, MOST of her is flesh, but still, some parts
> remain 0's & 1's, like a good part of the reproductive system. You, my dear
> friend, can decode those 0's & 1's, and tell us what we want to know. There's
> reasons your initials stand for Binary Linear Intersystem Platform. Now, Data
> communtications link established?"
> "I don't think I can handle this..." stammered Blip.
CROW: Brother 礎ot, you think *you're* the one not handling this? We're
the ones who have to sit here and watch this entire bloody scene!
> "Are you hooked up or not?" Katherine demanted, slipping out of her lab
> talk.
> "Yeah... I guess..." Blip answered.
> "Then, read me the Female Hormone Levels." Katherine asked.
> "Estrogen, 0, Sex drive, 10, Gonatrophin, 255, Progesterone 20, Fetus
> present." Blip said, trying very hard to sound professional.
> "Excellant, we get a positive readout." Katherine sarcasticly said. "Now,
> I'll take these cables out, and hook you to her during the entire pregnancy."
> "No, NO, PLEASE..." pleaded Blip.
TOM: Guys, I don't think I can take any more of this realistic
portrayal of a 礎ot's on the job anxiety...
JOEL: What, you mean this scene impresses you?
TOM: Noo!!! I just can't take it!! I really want that Valium... please,
mommy, no more fanfic... (Tom begins sobbing)
JOEL: (comforting Tom) There, there, little buddy. I know this piece of
fanfic has been hard on you, but we're an episode away from a host
segment. It's gonna be juuuuust fiiiiiine.
> "I'll hook you to her Ear, don't worry." Sighed Katherine, fixing an
> Electrode to the inner part of Jenna's Ear.
CROW: (reciting as a mantra) I am going to say *nothing*... this scene
will be over soon... please dear God.
> Jenna began to stirr. Katherine,
> looking at the situation carefuly said, "Let's carry her upstairs before she
> wakes up." And with that, she did.
> Susan met them at the stairs. "What are the results?" She asked.
> "Care to ask your mom if you can spend the night? It'l be a long one."
> Katherine said, with a limp Jenna over her sholder. "Gosh, these things are as
> bad as sleeping cats..."
JOEL: (with Tom quietly sobbing, and Crow repeating his mantra, he's
basically the only one still with it in the theater) Soo... is Katherine
a professional cat-hauler or what?
(Laughs fakely at his own riff) Sigh, we're just not keeping it
together. Dr. Forrester may have finally found a fanfic that can conquer
us...
> "Positive? Are you sure?" Said an awestruck Susan.
> "I'm NOT double checking." Snarled Blip.
(Tom begins sobbing louder, Crow repeats mantra even more firmly, Joel
sighs and puts his head in his hands)
> "I'll go call my mom." sighed Susan.
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> * * * * * * *
JOEL: (deciding to riff through it all) And now, some refreshing
asterisks!
(Looks at the bots, each one still off chanting or sobbing) Hey, guys,
that was a good one! Guys... (notices noone is paying attention.) Sigh.
I'll have to try harder.
> It was 1:03 am. Blip was plugged into the wall. Katherine and Susan were
> watching Jenna. Jenna was looking at her tummy. It had grown very big within
> the last few hours, and she wasn't quite sure why.
> "Why does her tummy grow here, but not in Albia?" Asked Susan.
> "Didn't have the sprites, I guess." replied a groggy Katherine.
JOEL: The sprites? What, they lost the Norn Pregnancy Faeries?
(Joel stares even more doggedly at the screen, determined to riff to
his last breath.
The bots are still befuddled.)
> "This makes me glad I don't need sleep, just recharging." sniedly
> commented Blip.
> "Shut up, Robot Boy." snarled Susan. She was in no mood for this.
TOM: (sniffling) Hey, no need for personal remarks, lady! (Starts
sobbing even more)
> "I don't understand! It should have been born by now! Hey, Blip... think
> we could just take her down to the lab and have you check for..." Asked
> Katherine.
> "NO. I've had enough sex education for one day, thank you very much."
> replied Blip.
(Chaos in the Theater. Tom goes from sobbing to a full-force bawl, and
Crow is practically screaming his mantra at the screen. We can barely
here Joel talking over it.)
JOEL: Guys, this fanfic has almost reached its lowest possible point...
just bear with me a few more lines...
[to be continued in next post...]