[Misting] A Letter to the Fans pt. 3 (revised)
KenWMcC55
>being "hostile, belligerent and condescending."
Doctor: Not to mention more insane than a Dalek being put in charge of
a UN Human Rights committee.
> Web terrorist has also
>caused fan newspeople to regard Karen McCoy as
Tom: The worst thing to happen to Whodom since John Peel.
> "sinister." Let me ask
>you a question:
Doctor: Which goes better with the straight jacket? The scarf or the
Panama hat?
> What is more hostile, belligerent and sinister than
>threatening an entire convention of fans not to mention someone's name?
Crow: Renewing 'Family Matters' for another season?
>And who is more condescending than somebody who wants to destroy the
>chance of Doctor Who coming back, and yet at the same time posts
Doctor: Conspiracy theories linking me to the cancellation of "The Visitor".
>websites devoted to themselves and wants the fans to read about them,
>instead of about the possible series?
>I dunno' about you, but I find the potential return of the Doctor
Doctor (petulantly): Maybe I won't return. How would feel about *that*?
Tom: Watch it, you're starting to sound like whoever crossposted those
"Time to rest" messages.
> a lot
>more interesting to read about than one pissed-off person's scandal-page
Crow: Been reading Matt Drudge, have we?
>of musings and ramblings about a woman they've never met and do not know
>but want to hurt for some reason. But read web terrorist's page of info.
>Please, be my guest.
Tom (singing): Be my guest, be my guest, put my sanity to the test!
> I love the fact that web terrorist is doing this to
>me, because my attorney says this is libel and we're building a case...
Doctor: A case for your internment in Arkham Asylum.
>:)
Tom: Oh, so she finds the legal harassment of a person just trying to
set the facts straight amusing?
Crow: Look who we're talking about, Tom.
>Read and enjoy. It's certainly given me a few chuckles.
Doctor: And this has given me a reason to turn myself in for violating
the Laws of Time.
>Lemme' ask you guys: Has Karen McCoy threatened anybody with legal action?
Tom: Seems like somebody has a bad memory.
> (Besides web terrorist, of course, whom I threatened with legal
>action immediately because their first words to me were a bunch of
>obscenities).
Crow: Your brother wears Muumuu's!
Tom: Your sister's uglier than a Zygon!
Doctor: Your mother's the size of a Dalek battlecruiser!
> Has Karen McCoy harassed or stalked or lied about anyone?
>(I stretched the truth about Area 9,
(laughter)
Tom: I'm beginning to wonder if she's just incredibly stupid.
> that's for sure, by bragging about them
Crow (excited voice): Oh, they are *so* cool! They have a room full of
monkeys working on the greatest novel ever, they've got the Kennedy's
financing my project, and...
> and implying they were honest; but was this lying? Or opening my
>big f@#*%ing mouth too soon about people I really didn't know that well?
Doctor: Why not? I wouldn't be surprised if you said you knew
me intimately.
>I wonder).
Crow (singing): She's a small wonder...
> Has Karen McCoy responded to rumors about
Tom: Keifer Sutherland dancing in the moonlight with Bigfoot?
> Doctor Who coming
Crow: He can't. You see, he has an old war wound from the Master...
Doctor: Watch it. I know how to re-program smart-alec robots.
>back by erecting a website devoted to herself like a shrine
Doctor: Papered with pictures of Julia-Louis Dreyfus.
> and spending
>way too much time
Tom: Nit-picking the Find Your Fate books.
> criticizing, lying about and "dissing" the person
>trying to do it? And most importantly, has Karen McCoy threatened the
>guy who runs Visions with a lawsuit if he lets somebody appear at his
>convention?
Crow: I'm sure you would've if Web Terrorist hadn't beat you to it.
>Nasty business, ladies and gentlemen...
Tom: I think that's enough for now.
(all get up and leave theater)
(*...2...3...4...5...6...)
(SOL-The Bot's and and the Doctor are just standing around the console,
bored out of their minds.)
Doctor: So, this is *all* you guys do everyday?
Crow: Pretty much.
Tom: Well, we better find something to do until Mike gets back with
the TARDIS.
Crow: Well, I've always wondered what it's like to travel in time and
space. Must be pretty exciting, right?
Doctor: Well, usually. But it gets boring when there isn't a Time Lord bent
on revenge, a Bannerman taking hostages at Six Flags...
Crow: ...a companion screaming at 10,000 decibels?
Doctor: I dealt with that when I invested in Joel Robinson's Designer
Ear Muffs.
Tom: Wait, you've seen Joel?
Doctor: I met him in Australia after he landed on Yahoo Serious. In fact,
he asked me to tell you...
(they're interrupted by the Hexfield light going off)
Crow: Somebody's calling! Maybe it's Mike!
(Doctor taps button, and the hexfield opens to reveal a woman in a fancy,
exotic dress)
Doctor: The Rani! What are *you* doing here?
Rani: Well, you're right and wrong. You see, not only am I the Rani, but I
am also...KAREN MCCOY!
(everyone gasps)
Doctor: How utterly...evil!
Tom: You know, I had a feeling that no one could be as dense and insane
as McCoy.
Rani: Correctly guessed. You see, after my Brain Trust was broken up by
you, Doctor, I decided the only way to be rid of you was to ruin any
chances of your show ever returning!
Crow: But there will always be the BBC books and fan-fic!
McCoy: Well, that will be dealt with very soon as well. I've convinced
Stephen Ratliff to send in a proposal. Then I'll...
(a scream interrupts Rani/McCoy as a figure in a black mask and army
fatigues swings onto screen, knocking her down. The Rani picks
herself up and begins to struggle with the figure)
Rani: Web Terrorist! My other eternal enemy!
Web Terrorist: You won't trouble the Doctor anymore with your rants
and lies!
(they continue to struggle, as the Hexfield slowly closes)
Doctor: Hmmm... makes me wonder who the Valeyard's pretending to be.
(sirens begin to sound)
Crow and Tom: MEANINGLESS RANT SIGN!!!
(as they rush off, the Doctor mumbles)
Doctor: And I thought UNIT was bad...
(6...5...4...3...2...*)
>Look at these verbs: Threaten, Harass, Lie. Look at the threats:
Crow: If you keep doing this, I'll give out your picture to every
geek on the net!
>Lawsuits. All pointed at a guy who's just trying to make fans happy and
>run a convention. Why would anybody be so mean to Bob McLaughlin???
Tom: Because he wanted Pip and Jan Baker to appear.
>Web terrorist has stated that I did these things to web terrorist, but
>there simply isn't any proof of it.
Doctor: Probably buried along with Rorsharch's diary on a news desk
somewhere.
> We do, however, have Bob's word at
>Visions that this person did threaten him,
Crow: Those words were, "Help! McCoy's got a gun!".
> and the convention, and the
>enjoyment of fans, because they don't want some yahoo named Karen McCoy
>to speak at the convention, but neither do they want her to even be
>there!
Tom: Well, maybe you should take the hint and GO AWAY!!!
>What is this person hiding?
Crow: The missing scenes from the TV movie that would have made it TV-M.
Doctor: I swear it was just an innocent kiss!
Tom: Yeah, sure! And what are those whips and chains doing in the wardrobe?
>If Karen McCoy is SOOOO EVIL and this web terrorist is SOOOO INNOCENT,
>why doesn't web terrorist want me to appear at Visions '97?
Doctor: Because then no one else will appear!
> Why is web
>terrorist trying very hard to destroy the animated series?
Crow: Because web terrorist still remembers the pain of
Filmation's Star Trek.
> Why all this
>fuss? All this attention to me? Do you see me spending this kind of
>attention on them?
Doctor: Yes, it's right in front of us.
> Did you know I have similar police records as well as
>PSYCHIATRIC RECORDS on web terrorist?
Tom (Dr. Nick) I guarantee as a graduate of the Harley Quinn School
of Psychiatry that Karen McCoy is 100% sane!
> I do, but am I putting this stuff
>on websites to try and hurt this person?
Doctor: No, but drawing all over it in crayon certainly isn't any better.
>Frankly, I have better things to do with my time
Tom: Like writing the long awaited sequel to Dimensions in Time.
> and nothing to hide.
>
>I'm too busy trying to bring you back your show to waste time on
>something petty and small like
Tom: Whining about the great OrmanBlum.
> character assassination.
Doctor: So what is this post, then?
Tom: I think it's a bad nightmare being forced on us by Puck.
> Not that I don't
>have the ammo...
Crow: Visions will be the next Oklahoma City! KTLA Predicts!
>Ask yourselves why this person is so vocal and loud about why Karen
>shouldn't give you back Doctor Who.
Doctor: Because at this point, maybe it is a good idea to switch to
Babylon 5.
> Ask yourselves why they're still
>trotting out that old tired gunk from Area 9
Crow: Not quite Area 51, but they're trying *really* hard!
> instead of happy news about
Tom: The demise of "Ask Harriet".
>the series. Ask yourselves most of all
Doctor: Who put the sham in the sham-along-a-ding-dong?
> why a "poor, innocent fan" would
>threaten legal action against a fan convention to prevent a single woman
Crow: SWF, of undetermined race and questionable sanity, seeks like
minded SM into writing rambling letters and drawing sub-coloring
book renditions of famous time traveler.
>they don't even know from speaking at it. Why go through the trouble,
>unless...
>
>If web terrorist has nothing to hide and is completely innocent, then
>why is it so important that Karen McCoy not be allowed to even show up
>at the convention? Not that I open my mouth and speak, mind you,
Crow: Not that I actually use my brain before I talk.
> but
>this person DOES NOT EVEN WANT ME TO WALK THROUGH THAT CONVENTION'S
>DOORS... What is this person hiding from you?
Crow: JNT's bullet riddled body.
>Be careful, fans. Because this person is willing and able to kill the
>series,
Doctor: Wouldn't exterminate be a better word?
Servo (Dalek): ATTEMPTS TO RESURRECT THE DOCTOR'S SERIES ARE
FUTILE! YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!
> and their next step will be to try to damage the delicate
>negotiations at the US major studio Glen told you about,
Crow: Does Spumco really count as a major studio?
> and at the BBC.
Doctor: Shouldn't she have gone to the BBC *before* all of this happened?
Crow: No, that would imply she had some intelligence.
>Think about it. This person, who claims to love you so much
Crow: Well, at least *someone* does.
> and postures
>as someone devoted to informing and protecting the fans, is willing to
>destroy any chance of the series coming back,
Tom: Excuse me? Was web terrorist there trying to stop Peter Segal?
I dooooon't *think* so!
> and will DO IT TO HURT
>KAREN MCCOY. Who cares about Karen McCoy???
Doctor: Couldn't have said it better myself.
>Ask yourselves what kind of Doctor Who fan would do this? I have an
>answer for you.
Crow (McCoy): She's really a Trekkie in disguise!
> This is the work of someone who is not really a Doctor
>Who fan, but a Paul McGann fan who is very, VERY ANGRY about something,
Tom: Like the inexplicable popularity of the Backstreet Boys.
>and nobody except this person knows what it is.
Tom: Show of hands, who knows what it is?
(Doctor, Crow, and every Who fan reading raises their hand)
>This web terrorist, who really wants you to read and especially BELIEVE
>their website of police reports and assorted colluvia,
Tom: Colluvia? What the heck does that mean?!
Crow: Doctor?
Doctor: What are asking me for? Just because I'm from an infinitely
advanced race doesn't mean I can understand psycho-ese!
> doesn't care
>about you or the series. They're out for blood
Tom: And cupcakes.
> and they want to see
>Karen McCoy destroyed, even if it costs the fans their series. You know
>why? Because this person is selfish and doesn't care what wrecking the
>series does to you.
Tom: Surgeon General's Warning: Wrecking this series may be hazardous
for your health.
> They're not thinking about you. They're using you as
>numbers, as statistics, as weapons and ammo
Crow: Sounds like the drug czar.
> in their little game of
Doctor: Sepulchasm.
> "See
>how I can turn them against you?"
Tom: "And how well you do it by yourself?"
> And they will lie to the BBC about me,
>lie to Hollywood about me,
Crow: Hey, I thought she said web terrorist couldn't get into any
Hollywood studios?
> and do whatever it takes, wrecking the
>possible series in the process because this person wants to GET ME.
>Think about it. They would even destroy Doctor Who: The Animated Series
Doctor: Starring Kevin Conroy as the Doctor, Mark Hamill as the Master,
and Efram Zimbalist as Borusa.
>just to try to "hurt Karen." Is Karen worth that? Am I worth that to you?
Tom: I don't know. How much do you think she's worth, Crow?
Crow: I'll say -666 cents.
Doctor: One Venusisan coin, enough to flatten her.