[MSTing] Labyrnth/Bugaloo Xover Pt 7 of 8
peasporr...@hotmail.com
by Brendan Herlihy and Steve Weinberg
--- Part 7 of 8 ---
[OPEN ON: SOL. CLOSE ON Pearl, wearing an eye patch, serenely stroking
a
stuffed tribble. We hear an electronic hissing, and Scratch,
grunting
and struggling.]
[PULL BACK, Scratch is splayed on the desk, dressed in a tuxedo, tied
down with his legs and wings spread apart. A huge gold laser is
pointing down from the ceiling, its blue ray moving slowly toward his
crotch.]
SCRATCH: Pearl? This isn't really about me ruining your Neylon song,
is
it.
PEARL (evilly stroking her tribble): No, Mr. Scratch. I expect you to-
(snaps out of it) huh? What- whaddaya mean?
SCRATCH: This is really about Mike, and the fact *he* sent *you* that
story today! Now admit it! You're in pain, and you had to lash
out.
PEARL (laughs): Oh, you do amuse me, Mr. Scratch! To think that I
would
care a fig that- (starts to clench her teeth) that *Nelson*- would
send *me*- (Pearl clenches the tribble very tightly in her two
hands)
a *crummy, little, FANFIC*!
[Pearl twists the tribble violently in half. It pops like a fur-
covered
balloon, with a horrible >SQUEAK!<. Pearl collapses in tears on the
desk, except there's no room, so she collapses on top of Scratch.]
PEARL (broken down): Oh-ho, it's true! (pounds desk, but Scratch is
in
the way, and she hits his stomach twice) It's *true*! It's *true*!
SCRATCH: Oof! Augh! Man!
PEARL: I can't deal with being stuck up here, while that- that-
*dairy
rube* is down there pulling the strings!
SCRATCH: Well don'tcha think you'd feel better if you sent *Mike* a
story?
PEARL (sobbing): Oh, call Q for a fountain pen that changes into a
clue,
lizard! The Satellite of Love can't send Mike a story!
SCRATCH (sighs): You never even looked my owner's manual, did you.
PEARL (sniffing, rising a bit): What? What are you saying?
SCRATCH: I'm saying, I'm from hell. Who do you think sends these
stories
out in the first place?
PEARL (stops): So, so, this is doable? You can summon the minions of
Baal and their many agents and associates to- you know.
SCRATCH (sighs, lays his head back and calls): Hey, Sid!
[With a PING!, a large husky devil appears in a red Dept. of
Sanitation
jump suit (Kevin Murphy, get your ass in here!), laboring with an
aluminum trash can slung over his shoulder.]
SID: Hey, Scratchmo. (flings can down, points to Pearl) This your gig?
SCRATCH: Yup. The ol' ball and chain.
SID (looking her up and down, then shaking his head): Aw, man. It's
like
there's no standards for consorting with the devil anymore. Ever
since "Blair Witch".
SCRATCH: Tell me about it.
PEARL (grabbing Sid's arm desperately): Sid! Sid! I need a story!
Something vile! Something putrid!
SCRATCH: Something short!
[Pearl shoots Scratch a look. Scratch looks apologetic, as the laser
is
getting close to his crotch.]
SCRATCH: Well hey! Like I wanna be stuck here all day? Get real!
[Sid and Pearl now huddle over the garbage can, in front of the desk,
blocking our view of Scratch.]
SID (lifting lid of can): OK, rookie! I'm gonna pour ya a real rotten
egg cream called "I Want You Back", a DubbaDubba-esque soap opera
featuring Britney Spears as a tawny, clueless Joan Collins !
PEARL: Oooooo! Look at me! I'm goose-pimply!
[As Pearl turns with an evil grin to Cambot, smoke starts to rise from
behind her and Sid. We hear Scratch "Ouch, ooch, yow!" softly.]
PEARL (craftily): Oh, Nelson?
SID (sniffing the air): Who's frying snake?
[CUT TO: House of Pain. Crow and Tom are showing Mike the new dungeon
door, a beautiful red double-door with white trim, intricate frosted
glass insets and dried floral wreaths.]
MIKE (confused): Um… guys? Something's different here.
TOM: Yup! Installed a door chime! Try it!
[Mike presses the door chime. A lovely chime version of "Livin' La
Vida
Loca" plays.]
MIKE (smiling sadly, resigned): OK. And the key, I'm guessing?
CROW: Under the mat on the other side!
MIKE (sighing): Naturally.
[Suddenly the scene starts flipping, as if the vertical hold has
gone.
Mike and the bots wobble with their balance.]
MIKE: What the-?
TOM: Hell!
[The scene becomes a rectangle, which drifts back, tilts, and then is
shot off screen to the left.]
ALL: WHOOOOA!
CROW: We're doomed! Again! But in a different and more upsetting way!
[PAN, following the screen as it passes through starry space. It
passes
a single closed eyeball, which opens.]
TOM (sings): Looking at yooooouu, I can read your mind!
[It passes a window, which shatters.]
MIKE (angry mom): I told you kids no football in the house!
[It passes a large formula hovering in space, "E=mc2"]
CROW: Ah, it'll never catch on.
[The screen finds a door on the horizon, rushes toward it, and goes
through.]
[CUT TO: A cold, dank cavern. We can see black stalagmites across the
top of the screen. There are three rocks for our heroes to sit on.
Mike and the bots enter from the right.]
CROW: Gah! Another fanfic. I hope I haven't forgotten how to do this.
TOM: Ah, it's like riding a bicycle, Crow!
MIKE: Uh, Tom? You can't ride a bicycle, actually.
TOM: Oh. Well, maybe it's like hovering an inch off the floor, then.
CROW: Oh, so *I'm* just some fat earthbound lunkhead. Thanks a lot,
pal!
MIKE: Sit back, Crow. Just relax. You'll do fine.
>I want You Back
>
TOM (sings as Michael Jackson): OH! Baby give me one more chance!
MIKE AND CROW (as other Jacksons): He won't molest your children!
> By FrickRokz
> Fric...@yahoo.com
CROW: FrickRokz! For all your rock-fricking needs.
MIKE (announcer, quickly): Route 109, off the Claverack Mall.
>
> "Britney, It is Over.....
TOM: Then why imply continuation via ellipsis?
> you are too much pressure"
> Justin Timberlake said to Britney Spears.
[All snicker.]
CROW: I forget, is he with Backdoor Boys, or N'SUCK, or 69°, or what?
MIKE (laughs): It's N'SYNC, actually.
> Britney had a confused look on her face
TOM: Which meant, she was thinking!
>"She had never been refused by a guy.
CROW: Especially when she asked them to hit her, baby, one more time.
> "But Justy, baby, we were just
> getting started, we didn't even have sex once."
MIKE (Britney): Only twofers!
> "And Boy am I glad, and that is
> another thing, Don't EVER call me Justy, OR baby AGAIN!" Justin said.
TOM: Ah, yes, the Ike Turner method of ending a relationship.
> "Britney,
> all those years on MMC, I never did like you, you were just so...
> so.....what is the word I am looking for??
MIKE: Blonde?
CROW: Vacuous?
TOM: Obsessed with conquering the shallow world of empty pop music?
>.... SLUTTY?"
ALL: *Ewwwww!*
MIKE: Hey, that's… I mean, *we* were dog piling on Britney! Now this
creep comes along, and… ick!
TOM (despairing): Ew, now we have to defend Britney Spears! I'd
rather
roll naked in dog food and jump in a jackal pit!
> and with this remark, he walked
> out of the door, and out of Britney's Life.......
> Or So he thought......
CROW: Dum dum dum!
TOM: Musical sting?
CROW: No, commentary on the characters, plot, and author!
> ~*~*~*~*~*3 Months Later~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
MIKE (Justin): So then I said, "Slutty!" Heh heh. No, wait! Come
back!
> "Hey Krysti Baby, I Love you" Justin said to Krysti,
TOM: Hey, he got her name right! Good for him!
CROW: Eh, bet he used two of his lifelines, though.
> his current Girlfriend.
CROW: Our Girlfriend, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy-
MIKE (interrupting): Crow, before you end that? Please don't. OK?
> Natayla looked at Chris Kirkpatrick,
TOM: Her black Jewish quadriplegic boyfriend from Korea!
> her boyfriend and said "Oh My God, I
> think I am gonna get Sick!
MIKE (stilted): Yes, go get your cat named Sick! I would like to pet
him!
> There is so much sap going around the room."
CROW: Vermont is for Lovers!
> Krysti shot her an
> Evil look, Justin was so much better then her ex boyfriend Keith,
TOM: -or her current boyfriends, Liam, Parker and Jeremy!
> and she enjoyed the attention that he gave her.
MIKE: Like that time he showed how much he cared how her peer group
perceived her sexual habits by calling her a slut?
> "Hey Justy" Chris teased "Are us four
> gonna go out tonight?" Justin glared at him and said "Hey Krysti
Babe,
> are you up to it?"
CROW (Krysti, giggling): Are my lips full and pouty?
> "Am I gonna be with you?"
TOM (Justin): OK, hon, when he said, "the four of us"? And we're two
of
the four people in the room?
> "Of Course"
> "Then what are we waiting for?"
MIKE: I have serious doubts about any member of this group having the
mental faculties to turn a doorknob.
> Krysti and Justin smiled, and Justin Kissed Krysti deeply, and she
> enjoyed it.
CROW (Krysti): I like the "prrip!" sound!
> Natayla and Chris just got up, Laughed, and said, "We'll meet you
guys
> at the movies, in an Hour OK?"
TOM (Justin): OK, hon, when he said the four of us? He meant him and
Natalie.
MIKE (correcting): Natayla.
TOM (perturbed): Oh I am *not* using the name Natayla!
> Then Chris and Natayla left. Krysti and Justin kissed, and kissed,
and
> kissed,
CROW: And debated Mike Barnacle's appropriation of Carlin material
without attribution!
> and kissed,
CROW: Oh. That was my second guess.
>until they were both tired. Justin looked at his watch and said
MIKE (Justin): Hey, lookit, this really thin stick goes around faster
than the other two!
> "Hey, Krysti we'd better get ready, we need to be there, in 20
>Minutes."
TOM: A Really Short CBS News Magazine!
> She
> nodded in reply, and went to get Ready.
CROW (Krysti): Helen Reddy, get a move on! We're late!
MIKE: You know, if Krysti isn't played by a blonde, rail-thin twenty-
something with three names, it will be very wrong.
> Meanwhile back at Natayla's apartment, Chris was flipping through
the
> channels trying anxiously to find a sports game.
[All snigger.]
TOM (Chris): Why, look! A sports game! I wonder which one it is?
MIKE: There is a man with a stick. This may be the hockey sports game.
CROW: Well, hurrah! Perhaps Bret Gretsky will dunk a homer for us!
> Natayla was in her black dress putting
> up her hair into a new romantic style she had found in a magazine.
MIKE: Soldier of Fortune?
TOM: Women's Physique World?
CROW: Biker Tattoo Weekly?
> Even though
> they were only going to a movie, maybe, by some miracle, Chris would
> take her to a nice restaurant later or just surpass her.
[All titter and guffaw.]
MIKE (shaking head): My, my, my, my, my.
TOM: It would take quite a lot to surpass this story, I'm thinking.
> Putting the last barrette in her hair,
CROW (sings): Keep your *HAAAA-A-A-AAAAIR*, on the sparrow!
MIKE (laughs): No, that was "Baretta", Crow. Good try.
> she sighed with relief. "Chris, Hun, could you come here for a sec?
TOM (politely annoyed): I'm sacking the Chinese empire, honey! Can it
wait?
> I'm in
> the bathroom." Natayla asked seductively with a grin.
> "Just wait, the game's almost over and I need to see who's winning."
[All snigger.]
MIKE: Frick has a keen grasp of how men enjoy their sports game.
> "Please"
> she pleaded, "I need a little help. "So Chris rose from the sofa
that
> he had picked out with her a few months before
CROW: What a warm, nurturing, blueberry pancake, antiquing-at-country-
tag-sales kind of relationship they have!
> and went into the bathroom. Natayla look
> extremly different.
TOM: She'd Naired her eyebrows off!
> He had never really taken the time to notice how beautiful
> she was until now. "Could you help me with this?" she pointed to the
> tie in the back of her dress.
MIKE: What the- she put one of *his* suits on backwards!? The hell?
> "Hmmm...." Chris thought touching his chin, "would you like me to
help
> you out of it?" Natayla gave him a surprised smile.
CROW (Nat): You know I'm saving myself for after I'm pregnant.
> "You know what I mean, now could you
> please?" And he tied it up and started kissing her neck softly
TOM (Chris, weakly): Um… honey? I tied my thumbs in your dress again.
> and rubbing her arms. This was the side she loved to see out of him.
MIKE: His churlish, female impersonator side.
> The warm passionate side. Laughing a little, Natayla looked down at
her
> watch.
CROW (Nat): Uh… which one's the little hand again? They're both
pretty
tiny.
>"Oh my god Chris, do you know what time it is?
ALL: IT'S, HOW-DY, DOODY TIME!
> You better hurry
> up because Krysti and Justin are gonna have to wait for us if we
take
> any longer.
TOM: See, if we hurry, *we* have to wait for *them*! And we *win*!
>"You mean, 'Justy' right?" Chris said laughing
> hysterically.
CROW: It's so cute the way they can amuse themselves at that age?
MIKE: Mm. He could play with his own foot for hours.
> And after ten minutes, they were ready to go. Natayla
> hoped no one would mind the way she dressed, but just in case, she
> brought along a tee-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes.
TOM: So, she's ready for formal ballroom dancing, or softball! Either
one!
> "Justin, where could they be?" Krysti said in a worried tone.
CROW (Krysti): They're, like, 30 seconds late already! I hate Natasha!
MIKE: Natayla.
CROW: Her too!
> Justin
> came over to Krysti, and wrapped his arms around her, and said "They
> will be here babe, Let's just enjoy the time we are getting alone.
TOM (tempting her): I've got a Pocket Simon!
> Krysti giggled a flirtatious laugh, and nodded, when Justin lightly
let
> his lips brush hers,
CROW: He wanted to try on her lipstick!
> making Krysti want him more then anything. Krysti
> could tell that Justin was teasing her, so she decided to tease him
> back. She Licked his lips lightly at first
ALL: Huh?
> getting
> rougher and rougher with each passing minute.
TOM: What? Is this lip sex? Mike?
MIKE: I… don't know. Honest!
CROW: It's someone who's never been kissed, describing a kiss! A
blind
man, explaining red!
> Finally Someone cleared their
> throat, and said "Ummm... Are we interrupting anything??" It was
Chris
> and Natayla Hand in Hand next to them.
MIKE: Man, all this internal capitalization… was Chaucer reincarnated
as
an eight-year-old girl?
> Natayla Had changed into Jeans because she
> became uncomfortable, in the dress.
TOM: Ah! Good foresight!
> "Justin?! Justin Baby! Is that really you?!" a short brunette came
> running up to him, and began hugging all over him.
[Crow sniggers.]
MIKE: You know what this means, don't you? Somewhere at the MTV
Awards there's a golden retriever singing "Crazy"!
> "What? Get the hell off me, Who the hell are you?"
> "Justy Baby, It is me" Then she smiled. Justin saw her yellow,
fungus
> filled teeth,
[All cackle. Mike shrugs in disbelief.]
TOM: And so, the experimental McToadstool Happy Meals go horribly awry!
> and shuddered. Then he realized who it was.
> "BRITNEY?" He asked.
CROW (Justin): Would you sign my lunchbox?
> Krysti could not take it anymore. She exploded.
> "What the f*** is this Justin? I though you said you loved me? What
the
> hell? You got some Damn Slut to take my place
MIKE (Krys): I thought *I* was your only slut!
>when I am at school or something?
TOM (Justin): Well, it's like, really hard waiting for kindergarten to
be
over!
> Yeah I
> see how you are going to be. Justin.... Justin.... IT IS OVER WITH
US!
MIKE (Jus, sarcastic): Oh, you're breaking my poor teen heartthrob
heart.
> I never
> want to see you AGAIN" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
CROW: At least she maintained her dignity.
TOM (Justin): So… see you at your place, then? Later? I'll wear the
greasy white T?
> Then Krysti ran off tears streaming down her face. "KRYSTI!" Justin
> yelled, but she ignored him.
MIKE (Krysti): I don't need you! There are plenty of bland smiling
boy
group singers out there for me to project my fantasies on!
CROW (laughs): The sad thing is, she's right, too.
> Justin's knees turned to Jell-O, as he fell to the ground.
TOM: Ew, now he'll need an arthroscopic surgeon to implant banana
slices
and apply a whipped cream wrap!
> Chris went
> over to Justin to comfort him.
MIKE (Chris): C'mon, guy. Let's go hit a sports game bar. I'll buy
you
a generic draft beverage.
> Britney smiled to herself when she saw Krysti run off crying. She
had
> accomplished her plans.
CROW: She had created a scene even goofier than the first one!
> Her Plans To break up Justin, and Krysti.
> Natayla walked over to her, "What the hell is your Problem bitch?"
She
> said with a deathdifying tone in her voice.
[All snigger.]
MIKE: Guys? C'mon, easy on the grammar, OK?
CROW: Aw, Mike, I can't help it! "Deathdify"?! It's so gosh darn
naïve
and innocent and cute and stuff!
TOM: I just wanna grab Frick and wrap her up all tight and snuggly in
a
down comforter… making sure all her air passages are nice and
blocked!
> "Um.. Excuse me, But who are you?" Britney replied almost as if she
was
> Flirting with Natayla.
[All sputter guffaws.]
TOM: Now c'mon Mike! Blatantly depicting Britney Spears as a
rapacious
sex-starved home-wrecking bisexual! Tell me that's not cute! Admit
it!
MIKE: I won't! It's not!
> " Me? Who am I? I AM Your Worst Nightmare." Natayla Yelled before
> punching Britney in her nose.
[All titter.]
MIKE: Man, used to be all women had to contend with was Barbie. Now
it's
Linda Hamilton, Christie Martin... *this* thing…
CROW: Soon all the hospitals will be filled with anorexic teenagers
with
mean right hooks!
> Britney fell to the ground in Pain,
TOM: Matt Frewer! Or was it Bob Goldthwait? I keep forgetting.
> All Natayla did was look at her.
> Before running off Natayla looked at Britney with an Evil eye, and
then
> Spit in her face.
ALL: Ugh! Yuck!
TOM (old Jewish painter): I would not like to be hated by you, Asher
Lev.
MIKE: Did Frick skip the ABC Afterschool Special on "Dealing with
Anger"
to pen this little verbal Molotov?
> Krysti ran through all the dark alleys and finally she stopped right
> outside the back entrance of a Club.
CROW (Krys): Hmm… "Hooters". Finally, a place where I'll be treated
with
respect!
> A dark but Handsome man walks out
> the back door, and she does not see him. She runs Smack Dab into
him,
> and falls Unconscience on the ground.
[All chuckle.]
MIKE: Krysti's got all the physical fortitude of a Yugoslavian car!
> She slowly opened her eyes. It was blurry and painful. Krysti heard
> voices in the background. "Are you OK? Can you hear me? How many
> fingers am I holding up?"
TOM (Krysti): What, including the ones holding my wallet?
> He thought for a minute trying to count it himself.
MIKE (slow): Duuuuuh… one? Duuuuuh… two?
CROW: It's Justin! I'd recognize that penetrating intellect anywhere!
> Krysti just kind
> shook her head. "Well, anyway, are you ok?" "Yeah, I think so"
Krysti
> said sitting up on the pavement.
> "What happened?"
MIKE (Krys): Well, Frick needed me to Meet someone on the Rebound- but
I
Never thought he'd Be so Literal!
> "You hit the ground hard after you ran into me" the guy said. "Oh,
I'm
> really sorry mister.
TOM (Krys): I'll assume culpability so he'll like me!
> You see I was just...well, nevermind"
MIKE (sings like Nirvana): Hello, hello, hello, hell no! Hello, hello…
> she stopped
> in the middle of her sentence. "Well, as long as you are OK, then
> there's nothing to worry about" he said, helping her up slowly.
Krysti
> stood up and wiped the rocks and dirt off her clothes.
[All titter. Mike shakes his head.]
TOM: No way. Nuh-uh. Not unless the rocks were covered in felt and
she's wearing Letterman's Velcro suit.
CROW (sing-song): Rock around the collar!
> She didn't
> recognize the man standing before her. He was just a saint.
MIKE: Ah, the gentle fragrance of young codependency in bloom!
> Back at the
> theater parking lot, Natayla was in the worst mood. This
> Totally ruined her plans to get romantic with Chris.
CROW (Nat): Damn friends! Always *their* pain! *Their* needs!
>"Why did you have to go and
> do that to Krysti like that you..you..you pig? You slefish pig!"
> Natayla screamed with rage.
TOM: Shania, I wouldn't go hurling that word "slefish" around if I
were you.
MIKE (correcting): Natayla.
TOM (softly swearing): Never!
> "Hey chill girl, its nothing what it looks like. Not at
> all." Justin said trying to explain. "You see that SLUTTY little
bitch
> that came through..."
CROW: Justin needs a higher-quality "Word of the Day" calendar.
> he was interupted."No, that SLUTTY little bitch is also your girl,
> right? How could you do that to such a sweet girl like Krysti?
What's
> wrong in your head?"
ALL (sing like B-52's): A wig! A wig! A wig!
> Natayla folded her arms. "Chris, man, dude, you got help me out
> here. You know nothing is on between me and Britney. Come on man,
you
> know" Chris looked at him and smiled, "I'm not getting into this.
Cat
> fight meow...when does it become mud wrestling?"
[All sputter and cackle.]
CROW: It's funny because that's exactly the way Chris would behave in
real life!
MIKE: Comedy is a mirror into ourselves, it is.
> "Ugh, is there a single man in this
> world with any common sense? "Natayla asked bluntly. Chris opened
his
> arms to her, "Right here baby."
TOM: Punch him! C'mon, once to the Adam's apple! Snap it!
CROW: He's *way* more vile than Britney! Wait'll you see *his* teeth!
> "Justin, you better go after her and see what is going
> on and try to tell her something that doesn't sound as stupid as you
> told me. I swear, you hurt her, and I'll be all up in your face.
MIKE (Nat): You go lie to your ambiguous girlfriend or I will give you
*such* a talking to!
> Go find Krysti and get everything straightened out, please? So that
we
> can all enjoy tonight peacefully?" pleaded Natayla. Justin agreed
and
> followed Krysti's footsteps.
TOM: So… does anyone notice the major pop star bloodied and
unconscious
in the alley back there? Spit dripping down her face? No?
>He knew he had to settle it. Justin loved Krysti more than life,
CROW: -but not as much as Time or Newsweek.
> but he needed to prove it and show her. Justin ran off in the
direction
> he saw Krysti Run.
MIKE: The Hollywood remake of "Run Lola Run", set in Encino Valley!
>"You... you are an angel" Krysti whispered softly.
> "You are too Darling," he whispered back. JC leaned down and softly
> caressed her cheek.
CROW: Huh? JC? Where the hell-?
TOM (JC from "Side Hackers"): *MY OWN FLESH I DON'T LOVE BETTER!*
> JC sat back up straight, and introduces him self by
> saying "Hello Sweetheart, My Name is JC,"
MIKE: Oh! See, he's introduced himself, so we can pretend it makes
sense!
CROW: Mike, I can barely pretend this is English, OK?! Lay off.
> Krysti sighed at his
> sweetness. Then she opened her mouth to say something, but she felt
a
> strong muscular hand clamp tight over her mouth.
TOM (shocked): Mahalia!
MIKE (gently correcting): No. Natayla, Tom.
>"JC!" she screamed, although her screams were muffled.
> "Take your Grimy ass hands off of her NOW!" JC Yelled at the
stranger.
> "You think I am afraid of your Puny ass?" he replied.
CROW: Chad. The sociable kidnapper.
> At this point, the man picked Krysti up by her wrists, and dragged
her
> over by him, scraping the backs of her legs against the concrete.
MIKE (JC): You take your hands off her NOW! (pause) NOW! (weakly) Um,
now? Please? Mister criminal element type sir?
[Crow titters.]
> Krysti cried out in
> Pain, as the man began to rip at her Clothes. JC jumped at the man,
but
> the man batted him away as if he were a fly.
TOM: What? Suddenly we're in Sunnydale? We gotta drag Buffy and
Angel
into this psychomire?
> JC Fell Unconscience on
> the ground. Now the man had totally undressed the bottom half of
> Krysti, and began to undress himself.
ALL (shocked, revolted): WHOA!
CROW: Is this the same piece I called naïve earlier?
TOM (queasy): Whoa, Mike, I don't feel so good!
MIKE (nervous): Steady on now. Brave soldier. We can make it.
> When Krysti Tried to squirm away, he only held her
> down harder and pulled out a gun, which he shoved in her mouth.
TOM: Don't! You don't know where it's been! Heh! (moaning) Ooooh,
I'm
gonna rolf.
MIKE: It's OK! Stay in your happy place! Come on! (softly, sing-
song)
The happy place, the happy place!
> At this point Krysti thought to herself "I cannot stop this, Why
> should I die fighting, I have nothing to live for."
CROW: If only the producers of "The Man Show" were this introspective.
> Krysti stopped
> struggling as the man ripped off his clothes,
CROW: Uh-oh.
TOM (in terror): Mike?
MIKE: Guys, it's not gonna happen! She wouldn't dare-
> and pushed himself inside
> of her, tearing apart her female organs with every violent thrust.
ALL (crying in fear for their very souls): *AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!*
TOM (dry heaving, in misery): Blaugh! Ugh, there's nothing in my
system
to throw up! I have no chunks, and I must hurl!
MIKE (raising fists): OK! You and me, Frick! C'mon!
CROW: Mike, settle down! She's an eight year old girl.
MIKE: You don't know that! You have no photos! She can't prove it!
(sits back) Gaaaah!
> When
> he heard Footsteps coming through the alley, he quickly got up off
> of Krysti, and re-dressed, and left Krysti for dead.
MIKE: Oh yeah? Well that's *stupid!*
TOM and CROW (shocked): MIKE!
MIKE: I'm sorry, I'm too revolted to be clever right now! "Tearing
apart
her female organs". Jeez!
> Along with JC.
> "KRYSTI! KRYSTI WHERE ARE YOU!" Justin yelled Frantically. Justin
heard
> the faint sobs of a girl, and began to worry, his heart pounding a
Mial
> a minute,
CROW: Mial? Didn't he get to the finals of Wimbledon a few years ago?
TOM: That's Mal Washington, Crow.
> his braing thinking 1001 thoughts about what he had done, and
> where Krysti was. Justin saw a girl lying on the ground, with an
> unconscience man lying a mere few feet from her.
TOM: Ah, he found her by following the trail of Tropical Fruit
Skittles!
> He ran over to see
> what the matter was, and he saw Krysti. Justin's Pace quickened when
he
> saw that it was Krysti he had seen.
MIKE (racing announcer): And it's Justin's Pace hugging the rail,
making
his move on the inside, but HEEEERE, COMES, *MELODRAMA*!
> "Oh My god! Krysti! No Please god!
> Don't take her from me!" he paused "Krysti? Krysti... Krysti are you
> awake?" Justin yelled at the top of his lungs.
CROW (Krysti, groggy): Well I am *now*, ya dink!
> Natayla heard Justin
> yelling and came by him. She was out of breath from running
> the 4 blocks it took to get there. "Justin, What is wrong with
> Krysti?"
TOM: Huh. Typical Bethaylia, bein' sarcastic and flippant and…
> She asked very seriously.
TOM: Oh! My mistake. Sorry.
>"Nat, Run back to Chris, get his Cell Phone,
> and call the Police. Krysti was raped!" Natalya Gasped. She cried
all
> the way back to Chris. Justin sat huddled over Krysti, hugging her,
and
> singing her favorite songs to her.
MIKE (weepy Justin, singing tenderly): Don't fear the reaper… Baby
take my hand… (sniffs, stops singing) Somehow this doesn't seem
very
appropriate right now…
> Helping her hang onto her Life.
> "Hey sexy, what's wrong?" Chris said Sympotheticly when he saw Nat
come
> runniung up to him.
CROW: Ah, good old Chris "Quick On the Uptake" Kirkpatrick!
> Her eyes were red and puffy from Crying, and she looked like She had
> just lost her Best Friend, and Chris told her so.
> "Hey Nat, babe, What's wrong? You look like you just lost your best
> Friend."
TOM: The clown prince of sexual assault, people! Give it up!
> "Close enough" she replied.
> "What? I don't get it, I am confused."
CROW (Chris): Did you lose your best friend or not?
> "Chris, Krysti was raped, and she is unconscience, Justin is trying
to
> get her to wake up, But she won't,
TOM (Nat): And it's starting to piss me off!
> Chris, I am scared."
> "Shhh... Shhh... It will all be OK Babe, Krysti isn't going to die,
MIKE: Not without an intolerably prolonged deathbed scene, anyway!
> Now let's call that hospital OK?"
CROW (Nat): Well, I don't really see the point, but… ahem! That
hospital has a lot going for it! It is certainly OK, in my book!
> Minutes later, the police and ambulences arrived. Natayla and Chris
> went up to meet them and give answers to thier exhausting questions.
MIKE (cop): Did you witness the crime?
TOM and CROW (Nat and Chris): No.
CROW (Chris): Wow, I'm beat after that! Wanna sit and watch a sports-
TOM (Nat): *DON'T*, say it.
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--- End Part 7 ---
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