[MSTing] Labyrnth/Bugaloo Xover Pt 8 of 8
peasporr...@hotmail.com
by Brendan Herlihy & Steve Weinberg
--- Part 8 of 8 ---
[OPEN ON: Mysterious theater inside a sinister cave. Mike, Tom, and
Crow
continue riffing "I want You Back"]
> JC was picked up off the ground after given some stuff to wake him
up,
[All titter.]
CROW: The "stuff" was hooked to a car battery, and shaped like a
cattle prod!
> and put into the police car. They gave Natayla a blanket.
TOM (Natayla): Hm! Martha Stewart Fleece! Snuggly!
> SHe was in a
> slight phase of shock. Chris held her close, calming her down.
Rubbing
> her gently and repeating softly that it would be ok.
MIKE (Chris): Um… you know what I've heard helps sometimes, is when
you
let your boyfriend play poker with the guys, and you make
sandwiches?
> SHe still couldn't believe it. "Who could ever do such a thing?"
> Natayla thought to herself. She watched them put Krysti on the
strecher
> and as they slid her inot the almbulance.
CROW (paramedic): OK, now before we go, we have these standard release
forms… blah, blah, blah, we accept no liability for rape plot, not
responsible for depiction of tawny pop star as slut, yadda yadda…
> SHe held Krysti's hand tightly praying and crying.
> "DOn't leave Krysti. You can't leave."The parametics shut the doors
and
> went on their way.
TOM (Justin, as ambulance leaves): Oh. Well… maybe you can leave,
then.
But you'll come back, right? Call me?
> Natayla ran over to Justin and gave him a hug. One
> where it felt she could never let go. It was the first time Chris or
> Natayla had ever seen him cry. At least,seriously anyway.
MIKE: Justin had always been a frivolous crier.
> Chris came
> over and pulled her gently away. They all stood there for a minute
and
> just stared into space.
CROW (Chris): So. Applebee's? Anyone?
> The alley was dark and gloomy. Rain started to
> pour, but none of them seemed to care.
TOM: Hmph. Another author abusing the laws of meteorology.
CROW: If this really worked, there wouldn't be any droughts! It'd
rain
every time some dork got dumped by his girlfriend!
>They walked back to the theater,
> knowing this was a huge turning point in their lives. Justin opened
the
> door to his Benz and told Chris he could sit in the back with
Natayla
> to make sure she would be alright.
MIKE (Chris, whining): But I wanna sit in the front seat! Mom said I
could! 'S'not fair!
> Justin turned on his windshield
> wipeers, not even bothering with the radio.
CROW (Jus): They'd probably play that elevator music N'SYNC crap
anyway.
> He waited for some of the traffic to go by and turned on his right
> turning signal and pulled out onto the road.
TOM: Then past the train crossing- OH NO!
[MIKE screams in horror and agony.]
CROW (droopy, somber): Why don't they look?
> The hospital hallways were empty and silent. The only
> sound was the tapping of Justin's foot against the floor. CHris had
> came back with an orange juice, milk, and Dr. Pepper for them.
MIKE: All mixed in one canyon-sized cup!
> He sat down next to Natayla, while running his fingers through her
> hair. Justin held his head down and didn't speak. He took his milk
and
> just sat it on the table.
CROW: Is beverage management the best focus of the scene here?
> Footsteps were heard down the hall. Justin
> suddenly jumped and ran over to the doctor comeing their way. CHris
> stood up and helped Natayla up as well.
TOM: C'mon, honey. We're at grandma's. Wake up.
> They walked slowly, with her
> head against his chest. Justin kept still while the doctor explained
> Krysti's condition to him. "I'm sorry, this is confidential", the
> doctor said as Chris and Natayla came closer.
MIKE: Well then why are ya tellin' *that* pork chop? Shouldn't
Krysti's
parents be there or something?
CROW (sighs): It's Neverland, Mike. No parents. Just love affairs,
pop
stars and pirate kings.
> "Nah, its ok doc. They are friends and were there when this
happened.
> Its cool." Justin said trying not to cry.
> "So, how is Krysti? Is she gonna live?" Natayla said almost as
> whispering.
TOM (doctor): Well, she *might* have… if we hadn't needed that liver so
badly…
> Everyone looked at her in surprise. It was the first word they had
> heard from her in a few hours.
> "Well, she is in very critical condition
MIKE (doctor): But apparently still polling ahead of Gore in New
Hampshire.
> and I can't say what is gonna
> happen to her in the next few hours, but all I can say is, pray for
> your friend. SHe needs all of your blessings right now."
CROW (doctor): We may try a few surgery thingies, but since I'm her
doctor, believe me- prayer has a better chance.
MIKE: Freedom of religion be damned. They shouldn't let Christian
Scientists practice medicine!
> As the doctor finished, he walked away, and
> disappeared around a corner.
TOM: Man, Anthony Edwards is a real jerkwad.
> Natayla started crying again and Justin looked as he would too.
CHris
> pulled Natayla away from him and asked Justin to watch her. Justin
> nodded and started talking to her. Chris went over to the nurse at
the
> counter and asked if Krysti was allowed to have visitors.
CROW (nurse): Well, I told her birth mother no, but… hmm, your album
went platinum, you go ahead.
> "Yes, just be very quite and go to section B floor 6 room 112." The
> nurse said smiling.
MIKE (Chris): Thank you. I *will* be very quite.
> Chris smiled back and thanked her. He went back to Justin and took
back
> Natayla from him.
> "Well?" Justin said, "What did she say?"
> "Krysti is on the sixth floor somewhere around there.
[All titter.]
TOM: Yes folks, Chris Kirkpatrick! Details are like annoying little
gnats he swats from his head!
CROW: This guy's a metal key short of a canned ham!
MIKE: Very quite.
> We'll find her, don't
> worry." CHris said hugging Justin. "Everything will be alright, I
> promise." But he knew that was a mistake to make right in Justin's
> face.
MIKE: You know, I've heard people say the nature of evil is beyond our
comprehension. But I thought it was just a saying.
TOM: Well, now we know better.
> They got off the elevator, and onto the floor. Walking down,
> looking at the rooms, Chris kept repeating to himself, "112, 112,
112."
CROW: Nah, their remake of "Revolution Nine" is *way* too complicated.
> They walked into a dark hallway and looked at the door numbers. 104,
> 105, 106...they kept walking. 107, 108, 109..still trying to find
her
> room.
TOM (Chris, whining): Oh, why couldn't they have lain these rooms out
in
some sort of logical sequence?
> 110, 111, 112..."This is it", Chris blurrted out. "This is the
room."
> "Can you guys give me a minute alone with her first?" Justin said.
> "Sure, take all the time you need. We'll be out here." With a
> handshake,
MIKE (Justin): Thank you. My girlfriend has been hideously violated
in
ways I can never make right, so your handshake means a helluva lot!
> Justin knocked on the door and entered, shutting it behind
> him. "Krysti, It is me, Justin," he said softly and on the verge of
> tears. "It is OK Baby, you will make it through this."
CROW (Justin): Oh, um, while you were in the ambulance? I found your
diary, and I read it, and I took a poem from it and turned it into
a
song and we recorded it and it's number one and you're not getting
a
penny? I hope that's OK.
> Justin looked down at Krysti, she looked so angelic, as if she were
> sleeping peacefully. Justin looked away, and began to whimper
softly,
> Then he felt a hand lightly caress his face, and startled.
> "Krysti?" He gasped. "Oh my God Krysti!" He yelled "You are OK,
Thank
> God, Thank you Jesus," Justin yelled.
TOM (Jesus): Thank *you*, caller. Now, let's talk with Kyle from
South
Park! Hello, you're on the air with Jesus Christ!
> "Chris, I think something is wrong with Justin, I am going to go see
> what the yelling is about." Natayla said.
MIKE (Natayla): I am also going to verbalize my thoughts, because
dialogue is the only form of exposition I can think of.
> Chris nodded in agreement,
> and Natayla took off down the hall. She knocked on the door, and it
> creaked open, So she Pushed it open, and Gasped.
CROW (Nat, shocked): Mom!
TOM (mother): Oh, Layla dear, you've come to visit!
CROW (Nat): Can't talk, mom! Um, good luck with that… appendix.
TOM (mother): Kidney transplant, dear.
CROW (Nat): Yeah, whatever.
> "What? Oh My God! Where are they! Isn't this the Right room?" She
> looked at the door Number, "Number 110?" She said out loud. "Whew,"
> she said with a breath of relief.
[All bust a gut laughing.]
MIKE: Well what the hell was the point of THAT?!
TOM: No point. But the staff wanted us to see how cool Room 110 was!
> She went down to Room 112, and knocked again. Justin startled and
ran
> to get the door. He hugged Natayla when he saw her. He was the
> Happiest man Alive.
CROW: Regis Philbin?
>"Nat! She is Alive, Krysti.. She... she... She just touched
> my face!."
MIKE (Jus): I *hate* when she does that! She *knows* I have touching
issues!
> He paused and cought his breath. "Nat, Stay here with her, I
> have to talk to Chris, and then I have some buisness to take care
of,
> But STAY HERE WITH HER." He commanded.
TOM (Jus): Oh, and BUILD AN ARK! WITH TWO OF EVERY CLASSIC MUSCLE CAR!
> Nat promised she would. She sat
> by Krysti's side, and held her hand. Krysti had fallen asleep.
CROW: You'd think for Krysti's big "reawakening" scene, she'd've
actually
been *in* it at some point.
MIKE: Well, be fair. Rape is hardest on the teen pop star boyfriend.
> Natayla
> quickly fell asleep by her side. Justin bumped into Chris in the
halls,
TOM: With David Foley and Scott Thompson!
> and Explained about the condition of Krysti.
CROW (Justin): So the doctors say she's out of the story, 'til the
Third
Act at least.
> Chris flashed him a smile,
> and went to Join Natayla and Krysti. Justin on the other hand had
plans
> of his own, to deal with a specific someone.
MIKE: You know, while I applaud Justin's pursuit of interests outside
the
music industry, shouldn't there have been some *tangential* mention
of
his career by now?
TOM (Justin, singing, happy): Feelin' like a freak on a leash! Doo
wop
doo wop doo wop!
> Justin jumped into His
> Benz, and headed over to Britney's House. His clothes were dirty
from
> all of his running, and he ended up, in a pair of Black shorts, and
an
> Undershirt by the time he arrived in Britney's Driveway.
[All chuckle.]
CROW: So his clothes just dissolved on the way over there?
MIKE: Shout removes unsightly stains by removing your unsightly shirt!
> He waled up the heart shaped pathway,
TOM: But he couldn't catch one. Then Ishmael suggested whaling up the
Bay of Cape Cod, and their fortunes changed forever!
> and knocked on her door. Britney answered half dressed,
CROW: Really? Which half?
MIKE (sigh): You realize I now must say CROW!
CROW: Mike, I'd feel slighted if you didn't!
> and smiled at the site of Justin the same way. "Well, Hello Justy."
She
> said Seductively. She expected Justin to get Horny but he didn't he
was
> there for one reason and one reason Only.
TOM: To get lucky! Oh wait.
> "Britney, What the f*** is your problem? I told you I
> didn't like you, now leave me the f*** alone."
> Britney just laughed.
MIKE: Oh, they're so cute when they first learn the "f" word!
> "You are not over me Justin, you have no way to prove it."
CROW (Brit): I make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the
rain!
> "Oh yeah Bitch? Wanna bet? Here I will prove it to you right here
and
> richt now."
TOM: Well there's no need to get so German about it.
MIKE: It's just another typo, Tom. Ease up.
> Justin pulled out his "Britney Envelope" All of his memoried with
> Britney.
[All titter.]
> A Movie ticket, from their first date, a Pic of them kising
> that Chris took. And The 9 Inch Tommy Hilfiger Chain that Britney
got
> Justin.
MIKE: And that half a leftover Reuben they took home with them from
Carnegie's.
CROW: Oh, let's face it. Justin is just Krysti with a crew cut!
> He walked over to the fire place, and threw them in.
> "Watch them burn Bitch, This is the last you will EVER see of me!"
TOM (Justin): Except for the Grammies. We're still on for that, right?
> Justin storemed out again, but stopped right inside the door, to see
> what Britney was going to do.
CROW (slyly): Whoa! Tai chi! In her underwear! Kinky!
> Britney picked up her phone, and called Joey.
> "Yeah What?" Joey said when he answered the phone.
> "Joe, It is me, Brit. I need another favor of you."
> "Yeah what?" he replied
MIKE (Krys): Shower! Please! I can smell you next door!
> "Just like the last one, but this time, go for her best friend.
Chris
> and Justin are best friends, as are Natayla and Krysti, I figure you
> help me ruin all four of their lives this time."
TOM (Joey): Well, you can do that by releasing another album.
> Justin gasped. "Joey?" He yelled. Britney startled. "You heard that?"
> "Yeah you bet your fake plastic tits I heard that,
[All snicker.]
MIKE: OK. That's it. I want a battle of the bands, and I'm rooting
for
mutual assured destruction. Right now! (as Joe Don Baker) Go ahead
on!
> and now I am going
> to report your skank ass to the police."
CROW (Brit): You leave my mule's sexual habits out of this!
> Justin said, he began to walk
> out of the door, but heard a Gun Cock, so he stopped.
[All chortle.]
MIKE: I can't believe that was a planned capitalization.
> "You are not going anywhere Justin!" Britney yelled.
> "Now drop your ass on the ground, and..." she was cut off by the
phone.
> "Hello?" she said.
> "Hey! Brit Babe, What's up?" a familiar male voice on the other end
> said.
> "JC??" she exclaimed.
[All sputter a guffaw. Crow shakes his head.]
> "JC, yeah it is me JC, How have you been baby?"
> Britney was totally distracted by the convorsation, and forgot about
> Justin.
[All laugh out loud. Mike holds his head in his lap in disbelief.]
TOM: Not exactly the swiftest horse in the Devil Derby, is she?
CROW (Brit): Justy, sweetie? Could you take this gun and shoot
yourself in testicles for me? I have to take this call.
> Britney and JC had a rather lengthy convorsation.
MIKE: About anything and everything! The weather, the movies, the
hostages she's taken, the people who'd beat him up...
> Justin army
> crawled his way over to Britney, and grabed her Ankles, swept her
feet
> out from under her, and made her ass fall to the ground.
CROW (Brit): Oh, no fair! You skillfully exploited my lack of
peripheral
vision and infinitesimal attention span!
TOM: Helen Keller would have made a better villain than this yutz.
> She dropped the phone, and Justin grabbed it. "Thanx JC Bro, I owe
you
> one,"
MIKE (Justin): And I'm glad to see you're recovering nicely from that
superhuman behemoth whipping your head against the wall!
> "Yeah, It is OK, Just keep Brit away from Krysti, and Natayla!"
CROW (JC): Oh, and my brownies, if you could! I'm saving them for
later!
> Justin
> and JC said good bye and hung up. "What?" Britney was startled
> "You are JC were in this together?"
TOM (Jus): Yes! And we couldn't have planned it… (pause)
MIKE: What?
TOM: Nothing. We just couldn't have planned it.
> "That's right Brit. JC has always agreed with me that you were
slutty.
MIKE: Well aren't you and JC just cosmopolitan purveyors of bon homie?
> And Now Little Miss Bitch, you are going to stay here, while I make
> sure that My Girlfriend is doing OK, you got me?" Justin tied her
hands
> with string, tape, and handcuffs
CROW: And Silly Putty, and some used gum he found under the table!
> to a pole Just to make sure.
TOM: Huh. Knowing this boob, he's tied her to a kitchen mop.
MIKE: So… you wanna get the police involved here, Justin? 911? Maybe?
> Justin hopped into his Benz, and drove back into the hospital.
> Justin ran into room 112, and saw Krysti sleeping peacefully in her
> bed, and just sat and watch. "You are such an Angel Krysti...
CROW (Justin): I could tell from the way you ran out on me the second
things got rough!
> Please don't slip away from me." Justin said.
TOM: I must say, the press has been very considerate about all this,
the
way they've not shown up and everything.
MIKE: Well sure, he's a teen sensation whose girlfriend was raped by a
fellow band member hired by another teen sensation, but that
doesn't
mean it's news.
> "It is OK Buddy She will be there.. she is not going to die..." a
> stranger said. He looked up to see Joey Fatone,
[All snicker.]
CROW: Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the fanfic…
TOM: Joey "Fatone".
> an old schoolmate of his.
> "Joey?" He said.
> "Yeah Justin, It is me, I heard that you and Krysti were dating, and
> then I heard she got raped.
MIKE: In that order!
> So, I came to see how you and her were
> doing." Joey Said.
CROW: So… he's Joey Said?
TOM: No, Joey "Fatone"! Pay attention!
> "Ahhhh!!!! It is Him! Keep his away from me!" Krysti yelled when she
> woke up. She was sweating.
> "Shh... Krysti... It is OK.. Shh....
MIKE (Jus): Hm, Britney hired a man named Joey… there's a man named
Joey
here… Krysti's screaming it's him… This is so hard! Joey Fatone,
what do you think's happening?
> Are you going to be alright?" Justin said comforting her.
> "Shut your Mouth you little whore!" Joey yelled.
ALL (startled): *YAH!*
CROW: Man! This fanfic turns from bungling to repellent on a dime!
> "Joey What are you doing?" Justin asked.
TOM (angry mother): Joey Fatone, you explain yourself this instant!
> "Don't play dumb with me blondie, you know exactly what happened.
Your
> ex Britney hired me to Rape and Kill Krysti.
CROW: So… then she'd be, Corpus Krysti, I guess.
MIKE (laughs and moans): You are just beneath punishment, you know
that?
> Except for the damn
> Killing part Didn't work cuz of that stupid JC." Joey replied.
> Justin was offended.
[All sputter in laughter.]
TOM (Justin): Joey Fatone, I am miffed and annoyed at these shady
shenanigans!
MIKE: Whatever happened to the bright young Joey Fatone with the glint
in
his eye and a song in his heart?
> "Well First of all, poindexter, I am not a natural Blone,
CROW: It took three bottles of hair dye to get this Blone!
> so I am not that Dumb.
MIKE: If blondes are dumb, what does it say about someone who wants to
*be* blonde?
CROW: A lot, I'd say.
> And second of All, it is Nighty Night time for you."
> Joey Was cnfused, "What the hell are you talking about?"
> Justin spun his finger in a cirle, and Joey turned around, Right as
> Chris Hit him over the head with a Bed pan.
TOM (Joey): Oof! So- does this mean I'm out of the band? Aaaaugh…
> Joey fell to the ground in an unconscience heap.
CROW: So the human wrecking crew that hurled a man across an alley
can be taken out with a cookie sheet!
MIKE: Well, Superman has Kryptonite. Maybe Joey Fatone has Krysti's
urine.
TOM and CROW (crying): *EW-HEW-HEWWWW!*
TOM: Gee, thanks for that image, *MIKE*!
> "Oh Justin! Thank you! I Love you so Much!" Krysti said as Joey fell
to
> the ground.
CROW (Chris, holding bedpan): Yeah, Justin, that was real brave, the
way
you dove beneath the bed while I risked my life for your
girlfriend.
But hey! I'm not bitter. You keep smooching and necking, ya big
dumb…
> Justin gave her a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.
> "Krysti, I have something I need to ask." Justin said as Natayla
handed
> him a box.
MIKE: That said "Frederick's of Hollywood".
> Krsyti got a knot in her stomach.
> "Krysti, We have been through alot together, just tonight,
and ...and
> ...Krysti, what I am trying to say is will you mar..." Justin was
cut
> off by the doctor barging into the room.
CROW: Oh, he ruined the mood! (wistful) Suddenly he's my favorite
character of all!
TOM: You know, what I have learned from this fanfic is, when people
are
knocked unconscious? They *disappear!* Like a video game! It's
neat!
> "Miss Winterland, I am sorry to inform you of this, but you are
> pregnant." Then he walked out.
MIKE: Doctor No-one! Advancing medical plots, then leaving, since
1961!
> Krysti was startled. "Justin, No.. I can't be, I Do not want to
> Have Joey's Baby, Justin I want to have yours!"
CROW (Justin): Well I won't *give* you my baby, but maybe we could,
like,
share it or something.
> "Krysti...I...I.. I don't know what to say." Justin said wearily.
> "Wait! Justin! Remember, 3 Nights ago?" Justin had a puzzled look on
> his face.
TOM (sarcasm): There's a Muppet News Flash.
> "Justin Randall Timberlake! Think! 3 Nights ago, we slept together.
MIKE (Justin): Oh, that was *you*? Man, were *you* a cold fish!
> Remember? It might not be Joey's Afterall."
> "Krysti, You just HAVE to promise me, that we can get a blood test
to
> find out who's baby it is." Justin said.
CROW (Krys): But, I can't! I don't test very well! I go all clammy!
> Krysti agreed, and Natayla and Chris left the room, leaving Krysti
and
> Justin alone.
MIKE (Krys): So. Wanna be warm, tender, and comforting?
TOM (Jus): Nah. Did that when you were unconscious. Jenga, maybe?
> *~*~*~*9 Monthes later*~*~*~*~
> "It is OK Krysti, Push!" Justin said as Krysti was in Labor.
CROW: The Tories threw her out, for roughhousing!
> Krysti was crying, and sweat was running down her face as she pushed
> harder and harder.
MIKE: The fiftieth pushup's the only one that counts, Krys! Dig deep!
> After about 4 Hours of labor, Joshua Randall
> Timberlake was born.
> *~*~Elswhere*~*~*
> Natayla sat on the chairs of the hospital waiting rooms,
TOM (horrified): St. Elsewhere? No!
MIKE: Yup! One year, you're redefining the parameters of television
drama, the next, you're a setting in a crappy fanfic.
CROW: Fickle business, show biz.
> she spun her engagement ring on heron her finger
CROW: So, a bird got engaged?
> and smiled. She was so happy with her life. She was now Engaged to
> Chris, she had her own little bundle of joy on the way,
TOM: Chris was scoring a kilo of-
MIKE (laughs, puts hand over Tom's mouth): Don't. Just don't.
> and she got named Joshua's God Mother. Her Life was perfect.
CROW (Nat): Why, this rape turned out pretty great! I love it when
personal tragedies don't affect me!
> ~*~*~*In Krysti's Hospital room*~*~*~
> "Mrs. Timberlake I have some good news." The doctor said when he
> entered then room where Justin, Krysti, Chris, and Natayla were.
> "Yes Dr.?" She replied.
TOM (doctor): You have a rare disease which makes Justin love you and
have a big wedding and the President buys you a pony!
> "We Did a Dna Sample from your Baby,
[All cackle.]
MIKE: That's "Dna", pronounced "dinner". We sampled your baby's
dinner,
and it's getting cold.
CROW: So is that sentence the title? It's capitalized like the title!
> and from your Husband, And I am happy to inform you that
TOM (doctor): -we could have done all this six months ago. We all
hate you, and I'm tearing this report up to make you take the test
again!
> the baby Is not your Rapists."
> Krysti and Justin both cried happy tears.
MIKE (doctor): I wonder if I should tell them it's not Justin's
either.
Aw, hell! Why spoil the moment!
> They were happy they were together,
CROW: Flo and Eddie! (sings) Imagine me and you! And you and me!
> they were happy they had a baby, and they were happy that
> Their life was perfect too.
TOM: This story brought to you by the Rape Council! Come on! It's
not
all *that* bad!
MIKE: *You*, are going to rot in hell for that, mister.
TOM: Well- we kinda are, Mike.
CROW: Nah, that wall opened there, see? I think we can go.
MIKE: Whew! Good. I know we've been shot into space by mad
scientists
and pulled through wormholes and stuff… but *that* was *weird!*
[Mike and the bots exit the strange cave.]
[E=mc2]… [window re-assembles]… [giant eye closes]… [screen floats in]
[CUT TO: SOL. Pearl, Scratch, and Sid are gloating on one side of the
desk, while Gypsy looks on at the other.]
PEARL: Heh-heh, now, Mike Nelson, now you are truly in my clutches!
SCRATCH: Yeah! Hey Pearl, no rest period! Send'em another! Watch'em
squirm!
PEARL: Oo! A double-hurter! I like the way you think, lackey!
GYPSY (to herself): Oo, no! Poor Mike! I've got to stop this! But
how?
MADGE (hushed): Shut off the oxygen!
GYPSY: I can't kill them, Madge. There's got to be another way!
MADGE: OK, OK. How about, you tell Pearl you have an urgent problem
on
Deck Twelve, see? And when she gets down to meet you, instead, you
*shut off the oxygen!*
GYPSY: Madge!
MADGE: Just a little bit!
GYPSY: No killing! That's final!
SCRATCH (to Pearl): What next, my liege? Something from our extensive
Hanson self-insertion collection?
PEARL: No-no-no-no, nothing so innocent. Sid, you got any Red Dwarf/
Voyager/Small Wonder crossovers that feature sex with a sheep?
SID (opening can): Hm, let me check newzealand.com…
GYPSY: I've got it! (clears throat) Why! Things are certainly
going
very smoothly up here. Wouldn't you say so, Pearl?
PEARL (laughing): Oh, I think I can back you up on that, Shop Vac.
GYPSY: You wouldn't change a thing?
PEARL: Not one scrap!
GYPSY (to Cambot): How about you guys down there?
[CUT TO: House of Pain. Mike, the bots, Brain Guy and Bobo are
assembled.]
MIKE: Oh, gosh, I don't know. I can't complain. I mean, literally.
I
just don't have the gumption. You guys?
CROW (dully): Rapture.
TOM (same): Bliss.
OBSERVER: Heavy fog!
BOBO (sings): Web Site, Number Ni- (stops) Hey, where'd the music go?
[CUT TO: SOL.]
GYPSY: So we're all in agreement? Things are going well?
SCRATCH: Yup!
GYPSY: And you have perfect job satisfaction?
PEARL: Absolutely!
GYPSY: And you wouldn't change a thing!
PEARL and SCRATCH: Nnnnnnope!
GYPSY: Good.
[Suddenly there is a flash of light. Appearing in everyone's hand, as
if
by magic, is a memo.]
PEARL: What the-?
GYPSY: Reorg!
PEARL (reading, disbelief): "To better realize our comedic metrics, in
accordance with the longstanding recommendations of Torgo
Consultants,
Best Brains is implementing the following *REORGANIZATION PLAN*!?"
SCRATCH: Aw, no, and the new org charts are attached! They're like
fifty
pages long, and I don't have thumbs!
SID (nervous, grabs his can quickly): Sorry guys. This is a whole
different part of hell. See ya. (With a PING!, he vanishes.)
PEARL (still perusing plan): They're outsourcing movie-watching
operations on the SOL! And eliminating the Mad Scientist position
altogether! *I'M SCREWED!* (at Gypsy, steaming) Why you little-
SCRATCH: Ah, she got us, boss. Things were going well, so there had
to
be a reorg. As day follows night. As the winter follows fall!
PEARL: As my fist follows your throat!
[Pearl punches Scratch. He groans and collapses beneath the desk.]
PEARL (to Gypsy): I am *not* a good loser, hose girl. (storms off
screen)
GYPSY (watching her go): Oo. I'm just glad she's a loser.
[DISSOLVE CUT to a placard, reading "4.7 DAYS LATER…"]
[CUT TO: A gray office cubicle, messy with papers, empty donut cartons,
and Mr. Boffo cartoons. The phone is ringing, but no one answers.
Pearl
Forrester, still in her black jump suit, is sitting at her desk,
glaring
intently and resentfully at her cubicle mate across from her.]
[PAN, slowly, over to Pearl's cube mate. It is EVIL MIKE, dressed in
a
wrinkled blue dress shirt, loud floral tie, and white Keds. He is
staring right back at Pearl, just as resentfully.]
GYPSY (off-screen): Hey you slackers!
[ANGLE ON: Gypsy, sticking her head in the aisle.]
GYPSY: Bestco Enterprises is not paying you analysts to hold staring
contests! The boss wants that database by 3!
[Mike, in a janitor's uniform, comes in pushing his cleaning cart.]
MIKE: Hey Pearl. Hey me. Someone called with a coffee spill?
EVIL MIKE: Indeed I did. (takes coffee off his desk, holds it out over
the aisle, spills it onto the floor)
GYPSY (to Mike): I'm real sorry about the reorg, Mike. I didn't know
you'd get such a raw deal!
MIKE: Aw, don't worry about it, Gyps. I mean, I am free and all. And
I
got a better deal than some.
[CUT TO: Break room. Tom Servo is the Mister Coffee. Brain Guy, in
purple suit and tie, and bad purple toupee, pulls the full pot out of
Servo's stomach. His mug reads "WORLD'S GREATEST OMNIPOTENT BEING".]
BRAIN GUY: So you're saying the French Revolution was an outgrowth of
middle class frustrations with the caste system of the 18th Century.
TOM: *NO!* Have you been listening to a word I've said?! You
*stupid,
stupid man!* (suddenly friendly) By the way, there's half-and-half
if
you want. And Paul made soda bread.
BRAIN GUY: Mm, soda bread. Yummy.
[CUT BACK to Mike and Company. Pearl's phone is *still* ringing.]
GYPSY: Good thing you found Observer's brain.
MIKE: Actually we didn't. They just made him VP of Marketing.
GYPSY: Oh, so that's why Bobo quit!
MIKE: Yeah. He did OK, though. He's one of the Oakridge Boys now.
GYPSY (at Pearl): ANSWER YOUR PHONE, FLESHBAG!
PEARL (resentful): OK, OK!
MIKE (to Gypsy): I guess being the office bitch has its advantages.
GYPSY: I just never knew it was a titled position!
[ANGLE ON Pearl, answering phone. Magic Voice is on the other end.]
MADGE: Pearl, the C.O. wants to see you. Now.
[Madge hangs up. Pearl scowls, and folds her arms.]
[CUT TO: The interior of a beautiful, oakwood furniture office, with
plush red carpeting. Behind the desk, sizing each other up, sit CROW
and SCRATCH.]
MADGE (over intercom): Sirs, Pearl Forrester is here to see you.
CROW: Thanks, Madge. Have her wait an hour, then call us to a meeting.
(to Scratch) OK, new meat! Let's get some things straight here.
SCRATCH: One of us is Chief Officer for all of Bestco, and one of us
is the other's kiss-up lap puppy personal assistant.
CROW (laughs): And I think we both know, who that lap puppy is.
SCRATCH: Right!
CROW and SCRATCH (over each other): Me!
[Pause. The two furrow their brows at each other.]
CROW and SCRATCH (more insistently): Me! Me me me me me!
SCRATCH: Aw, c'mon! Let me be the lap puppy!
CROW: No way pal! I've got seniority here!
SCRATCH: Yeah, but I got… like, juniority, or something!
CROW: Well… should we do rock-paper-scissors?
[Both look to their non-functioning arms.]
SCRATCH: Um… we could do fwoosh.
CROW: Fwoosh?
SCRATCH: That's where I breathe fire on you until I get my way.
CROW: Really? Hey, cool! Let's try it! C'mon!
SCRATCH: You sure? OK, guy! One… two… (Scratch inhales.)
[CUT TO end logo/credits. We hear Scratch's fire breath go FWOOOSH!,
and
the crackle of something burning.]
CROW: Whoo-hoo! That Denerex tingle tells me its working! Hoo-hoo! Hot!
-------------------------------------------------------
EPISODE EM105
"The Adventures of goblins, talkshowhost… in the Labyrnth"
with the short, "I want You Back"
extra special guest star
(with a thousand thanks)
DR. MICHAEL NEYLON
as dr. michael neylon
writers
BRENDAN HERLIHY
STEVEN WEINBERG
e-mail
PINKBO...@HOTMAIL.COM
wanna see previous pearl's grrls mstings?
visit the pink boy buffet
MEMBERS.TRIPOD.COM/PINK_BOY/DEFAULT.HTML
executive producer
BRENDAN HERLIHY
------------------------------------------------------
Justin saw her yellow, fungus filled teeth,
and shuddered. Then he realized who it was.
"BRITNEY?" He asked.
------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 1999 Brendan Herlihy and Steve Weinberg
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.