[MiSTing] Llanas Trilogy, Part III: "This Moment's Madness" (3 of 3)

[Kaitou Juliet]

>
> Avon awoke suddenly with an agonizing scream.

Tom: [Avon] Aaaaaugh! The story's still going! I thought it was
all just a bad dream!

> His heart was
> pounding, and little rivulets of sweat cascaded down his forehead.
> He had trouble focusing on anything in the cave. His left arm
> throbbed

Crow: Sure that's his arm?

> with a sharp pain.
> Keyhna was soon standing beside him. "Are you all right?!
> What--"
> "My arm...it's my arm..." the computer expert moaned.
> "Let me see." Keyhna ripped open the sleeve of the tunic

Tom: Wasn't he wearing a robe?
Crow: Is this a bodice-ripper? A sleeve is close enough to a bodice,
isn't it?

> and
> exposed Avon's swollen

Crow: Oh boy!

> arm.

Crow: D'oh!

> A large reddish lump had formed on his
> inner arm just below the joint.

Joel: This must be the scene Dr. Forrester warned us about...
Tom: The *surgeon general* should have warnings for scenes like this!

> Keyhna touched the lump gently.

Crow: Uhh....
Joel: It's his arm! Just keep remembering, his *arm*!

> Avon cried out and tried to pull away. "It...it *hurts*!"

Tom: [Avon] Make it hurt so good! Sometimes love don't feel like it
should!

> Keyhna steadied his arm, holding it fast with both of her
> hands. "Keep still!" she commanded.

Tom: [Avon] Yes, Mistress!

> She studied the wound,
> carefully pushing and prodding, much to the computer expert's
> distress.

Joel: [Keyhna] Not there...not there...oh, be quiet. I'll find it
eventually.

> "It's an abscess," she concluded. "You probably had a
> fracture or a chip of bone there that I didn't notice.

Joel: She must have been one hell of a nurse back in the day...

> I can help
> you, but it'll hurt."
> "It...it...hurts...*now*! Go...go...ahead..."

Crow: [deep voice] Oh, yeah.

> "All right." Keyhna walked over to her pack and pulled out a
> knife and a small pan.

Tom: [Keyhna] But first, how about some fried green tomatoes?

> She set fire to a small piece of wood,

Joel: [Keyhna] I must make an offering to the spirits....

> and
> sterilized the blade with the flame. "I don't have any painkiller,
> Kerr.

Crow: [Avon] You don't? Um, maybe this isn't such a good idea.

> This'll hurt, but it's better than leaving your arm to
> gangrene."

Crow: [Avon] Says who?! I've changed my mind! I'll take my chances
with the gangrene!

> She gave him a piece of leather ripped from his old
> jacket.

Joel: Man, that 50-foot drop was enough to shred *leather*?

> "Bite this. And *don't* watch."

Tom: [Avon] Yes, Mistress.

> She waited for the
> computer expert to turn away,

Joel: [Keyhna] I'll get him when he's not looking.

> then held his arm fast in one hand
> while tying a cord just above his elbow.

Crow: She tapped the inside of his elbow until a nice, thick vein rose to
the surface, then readied the needle to administer his first taste
of "smack".

> She readied the knife and
> made an incision.
> Avon nearly went blind with the pain. He screamed,

Crow: [Avon] Yes! Yes! Yes! Yessss!

> so loudly
> that he could not hear her comfort him as she probed his arm for the
> bone chip. He felt the pain rise to an excruciating climax,

Crow: I feel so dirty...

> and
> then his mind went blank.

Tom: You mean it hasn't been blank the entire time?
Crow: The Soul-sucker must have found him unpalatable.

>
> "You passed out," Keyhna said.

Crow: [Keyhna] I'm just that damn good.

> Avon sat before her, pale and
> drenched with sweat, holding

Joel: --a cigarette.

> his aching arm. The swelling had all
> but gone, and his arm was numb.

Tom: Wait, wait, wait! Didn't you just say his arm was aching?
Orac: Perhaps this is his *other* arm.
[Crow snickers]

> "The pain must have been
> unbearable."
> "Yes," the computer expert agreed.

Crow: [Avon] Excruciatingly, wonderfully unbearable!

> "What did you do?"

Tom: [Avon] And could you do it again?

> "I made a simple incision to remove the bone chip causing the
> abscess. Here." She held the piece of bone out to Avon, then tucked
> it away in a pocket of her robe.

Joel: [Keyhna] I'll treasure it always--a little piece of you.

> "What?!" The thought of this made Avon sick.

Tom: Wait! Perhaps the real Avon has returned?

> "It's really not as bad as it sounds," she said, noticing the
> look on the computer expert's face.

Crow: [Keyhna] A little soy sauce, and it'll taste just great!

> "If I hadn't done it, you'd
> have lost that arm."
> "I thank you, then." Avon smiled weakly.

Tom: Never mind, it's still the wussy alien clone.

> It was the first
> time in a long time that a smile had crossed those lips.

Crow: Regrettably, it didn't stay long.

> "What will you do now, Kerr? There's really nothing for you
> here.

Joel: [Keyhna] Except me, of course. Hint, hint.

> Do you have a ship somewhere that can get you away from here?
> Unless, of course..." Keyhna paused. "Unless, of course, you're
> planning on dying?"

All: Please die! Please die!

> She half-smiled.
> Avon almost laughed. "No, no, not now. I think. I thank you
> for that, too. It took jumping off a cliff and *living* to show me
> that dying was not the way.

Tom: He's a little thick like that.

> The pain is there--it always will be,
> I'm sure--but it is under control now. You did that for me,
> Keyhna."

Crow: [Avon] I mean, Mistress.

> "No, Kerr," Keyhna began with a smile. "*You* did that for
> yourself."

Tom: After all, "Avon does for Avon, and Avon alone."

> She held his hand in her own.

Joel: [sings] I hold your hand in mine, dear...

> "As for leaving, my companions have a stolen Federation cruiser
> orbiting this planet. One of them came down for me, but at the time
> I was still not sure if I wanted to leave--or *live*. I didn't tell
> you for that reason."
> "I understand," she said.

Crow: ...turning various shades of purple.
Tom: [Keyhna] Certainly, I understand that you were too wrapped up in
your own selfish problems to think about getting me out of this
hellhole! No problem, no problem at all!

> "So anyway, he left me two teleport bracelets in a niche in
> this cave. I told him that I would contact them within two weeks,
> and that if I didn't, I was dead. It's been almost been two weeks.
> I don't want to die any more; I want to go back.

Tom and Crow: [singing, as Avon] I want to go back to the farm / Far
away from harm / with a milk-pail on my arm....

> That's what I'll
> do."
> "That's a wise choice, Kerr. A wise choice." Keyhna paused.
> "Did you say you had *two* teleport bracelets?"

Tom: [Avon] Yep. That idiot Vila can't count.

> "Yes." Avon knew what she was thinking, but he said nothing.

Crow: After all, he was still recovering, and wasn't sure he'd be up to
that kind of exercise just yet.

> "Take me with you, Kerr. There's nothing for me here; the
> Federation took it all. I can help you fight them. Please, let me
> go too." Her feelings were reflected in her eyes, which pleaded
> with the computer expert.

Tom: [Keyhna's eyes] Hey, don't forget us!!

> "Of course you're coming with me," Avon said with a smile.

Crow: He knows something she doesn't, sounds like!

> He
> walked back to the cave and returned the teleport bracelets.

Joel: [Avon] D'oh. I sent them up without us. Stupid, stupid,
stupid!

> "I owe you one."
> "One?" she questioned playfully, nudging him with her elbow.

Joel: When did this turn into a sitcom?
Tom: Gimme a Break?
Crow: Different Strokes?
Joel: Enough, Crow.

> "All right, *several*,"

Joel: [Avon] --hundred dollars and change. God, I need insurance.

> he said, as they both put on their
> bracelets. He spoke into his. "Tarrant? Avon."
> "Avon!"

Tom: [Tarrant] Avon? Tarrant. Del Tarrant.
Crow: [Avon] Tarrant? Avon. Kerr Avon.
Tom: Please kill me...

> "We're ready. Bring us up."

Tom: Wakachikawakachika...

> "Us?"
> Avon didn't have time to answer. He and Keyhna disappeared,
> leaving behing the desolate landscape of Llanas.

[They emerge from the theater. Avon is waiting for them on the bridge
with his phaser drawn]
Avon: Aha! There you are, Orac!
Orac: Back into the theatre, fellows!
Avon: Don't move... [points his phaser at Gypsy] ...or the purple one
dies.
Orac: Nooooooooo! [launches himself in front of the phaser blast.]
Joel: That was...pretty impressive, really.
Avon: [catching Orac] Excellent. You've led me on quite a chase,
Orac. I've had to search all over the ship for you. [looks
at Joel and the bots] So which of you collects underwear?
Joel and Crow: Tom.
Tom: Hey! But, uh...how did you get here, Mr. Avon? The ship's
supposed to be surrounded by an impenetrable barrier!
Avon: [mysteriously] Dr. Forrester's not the only one who can use
plot devices. Come along now, Orac....
Tom: You can't take our friend! Come on, Crow!
[Tom and Crow launch themselves simultaneously at Avon and somehow
manage to bring him to the ground. Crow pops up, holding Avon's
teleport bracelet.]
Avon: Give me that!
Crow: HAH! Not until you give back Orac! Otherwise, you'll be
trapped here--forced to watch horrible movies and fanfics with
the rest of us!
Avon: Not really. Vila handed out the bracelets when I left, and he
has this little problem with counting...
[He pulls another bracelet out of his pocket]
Orac: Gypsy, you'll come back with me, won't you?
Gypsy: I'm sorry, Orac. I have to take care of the higher functions
of the ship for these guys.
Avon: Time to go, Orac. I hate long goodbyes.
Tom and Crow: Nooooo!
Orac: [as he and Avon begin to fade out] Farewell, my friends! I will
never forget you! Perhaps someday I can reopen the space-time
continuum and find you all again... [he and Avon disappear]
Tom: Awwww. I'll miss him.
Crow: [sniffles] He'll be all right, won't he, Joel? Won't he?
Joel: I'm sure he'll be fine. We'll add him to our prayer list, just
like Megaweapon.
[Mads' light flashes.]
Joel: [hits the light] Well, what do you think, sirs?

[Deep 13. Frank and Dr. Forrester are sitting on the couch, finishing
off the foamy green stuff.]
Frank: You know, it's nice to have company, but it's even nicer when
they go away and you have the place to yourself again.
Dr. F: Yes, indeed, Frank. Yes, indeed.
[They clink their glases together in a toast]
Frank: [tastes the green stuff] You know, I think this would go well
with a twist of lime.
[He gets up.]
Dr. F: Frank, while you're getting the lime, press the button too.
Frank: Okay.
[He presses the button and the screen goes blank.]

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> "It...it's so hard...so...damn...hard."