[MiSTing] "The New Season" (2/5) THE SPECIAL EDITION
Tjats
> A few weeks after the disaster of Doomsday, Snively had discovered that
Robotnik
>wasn't really dead.
SERVO: Much to our dismay.
>He had been reading, loving his new freedom, when the monitor in his new room
(Robotnik's
>old room, heh heh) began to blink insistently.
Mike[persistant]: BLINK. *BLINK.* Come on, push me already!
> Caught up in the book, one of his 'action-romances', Snively hadn't
noticed the
>blinking at first.
CROW: How can you have an action romance?
MIKE: They put porn videos to book.
>But his eyes missed little, and he looked over at the screen.
SERVO: Who's Little, and why does he miss him?
CROW: Servo!
SERVO: Sorry.
> "Snively," it read.
MIKE: Cool! A screen can read!
CROW: Mike!
MIKE: Sorry.
> He stood up, and walked over to the computer. Hesitantly, he typed in,
"Yes?"
> "It's me."
> "Who?"
> "Robotnik."
SERVO[flat]: Oh, wow. I never would have guessed.
> Snively gasped aloud, his eyes blinking a few times in disbelief. "No.
He's dead."
MIKE: Is he still typing, or just talking?
CROW: He's got one of them headsets.
> "No. I am alive."
> "But how?" Snively sat down in the chair, eyes riveted to the screen.
SERVO: That's got to hurt.
> "It's Nagus's doing. When the energy from the Deep Power Stones was
released by that
>blasted hedgehog, the Void...popped... for lack of a better word, open."
CROW: It was in the microwave too long.
> "Yes?"
SERVO[as Robotnik]: I didn't ask you anything!
> "My hovercraft went crazy.
MIKE: It tried to kill me, Snively!
>Nagus managed to pull me in. But he didn't have time to get out."
> "Nagus turns to crystal outside the Void." Snively frowned as his
fingers typed in the
>words.
SERVO[as Snively]: I just realized I'm the subject of bizzare fanficiton.
> "Yes...but Nagus has discovered a cure. Next time that Void opens he
will be able to
>get out. And he intends to be leader."
> "In his dreams."
CROW[as Snively]: Everyone knows I'm the better leader of us three!
> "Snively, the retrieval programs were never deleted. I had a back-up
copy. You must
>use them, and get me out of here. Then we can devise a way to keep that Void
shut once and
>for all."
MIKE: Crazy glue.
SERVO: Duct tape.
CROW: Plot contrivance.
> Snively tapped his fingers on the desktop for a moment,
MIKE: Accidentally typing kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
>his frown deepening. Then his fingers were at the keys again. "I seem to
recall...Julian,
>that you left me to die in the Doomsday building, while you took off in that
hovercraft.
>The place was falling apart right on top of us, and you had to get selfish,
didn't you?"
SERVO[Robotnik]: Yes! Of course! What did you expect? I'm the head evil
guy!
> "Snively..."
> "Shut up. You expect me to help you? After all the shit you've put me
through?"
SERVO[to Mike]: [gasp] He said shit.
> "Snively, how dare you..."
> "Oh, screw off."
CROW: Wow! Take this job and ram it!
MIKE: Actually, it's "shove it".
CROW: My way sounds better.
> "Sniv..."
> "I'm going."
> "NO!"
MIKE[as Robotnik]: I still have 10 minutes left on my card!
> An evil smile crossed Snively's face; he could feel the desperation in
that little
>two-letter word. +AH4Afg-Poor poor Uncle Julian. The fat ass has really got
himself in a
>spot this time, hasn't he?+AH4Afg-
SERVO: Oh, +AH4Afg- yourself.
> "And why not?" Snively replied
> It took a while for Robotnik to reply. "Because Nagus keeps...changing
me...into
>different things...and other unpleasant...things..."
CROW: Like Hanson?
> Snively shrieked with laughter as he recalled Nagus's magic turning
Robotnik
>into a crow, a pig, a slug...
MIKE: How can you shreek while laughing?
CROW: Nerdy teens can do it.
> "You'd better not be laughing, Snively."
> Still snickering, Snively typed, "Why not? It's funny."
CROW[as Snively]: That joke you told at the robot's ball was verry funny and I
liked
it very much.
MIKE: I don't get it.
CROW: I'm losing my touch, aren't I?
> "How dare you laugh at me?"
> "How dare you order me around? You are in no position to give orders,
Julian."
SERVO: How dare you eat the last double-stuff oreo!
> "That's sir to you, Snively!"
> "Not anymore, Julian. In fact, I believe you should call me 'Lord
Snively' from now on."
SERVO: Crossfire: The Animated Series.
> "How dare..."
MIKE: ...you make bunt cake and I can't have any!
> "I dare because I can! You are no longer in power, Julian! Get it
through your fat-laced
>brain!"
CROW: How can you interrupt someone through e-mail?
> Through the whole conversation, Snively couldn't stop laughing, a cruel
ringing laughter.
>+AH4Afg-My my, isn't this just amusing? Lard-ass thinks he can order me?
>I'm sorry, Julian, but it's my turn now...my turn to humiliate, to wreck you,
to
>make you suffer.+AH4Afg-
MIKE: Do we really care what he's thinking right now?
SERVO: No.
CROW: Yes.
MIKE: Huh?
CROW: I meant no.
MIKE: Oh.
> "So, how are you contacting me, anyway?"
MIKE[as Robotnik]: I'm typing things on a keyboard, and sending it to you
through a phone
line where you read them. HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M DOING IT!?
> "Well, Sniv..."
> "Hey!"
> "What?"
> "..."
SERVO: There! He interrupted again!
> "What?"
> "..."
MIKE: Know any swear words that have three letters?
SERVO: Ass?
CROW: Pie?
MIKE: Crow, that's not a swear word.
CROW: Oh. Jug?
SERVO: Crow, what's wrong with you?
CROW: I don't know, you guys! I just don't know!
> "(Sigh) Well...Lord...Snively, Nagus's magic can create anything in the
Void. He created
>several computers for himself. He's off somewhere now, and I'm using one of
them."
SERVO: What a cunning plan!
> "Oooh, what if you get caught?"
> "..."
> Snively figured Nagus would punish Robotnik in some horrible way. It
made him smirk;
>finally Robotnik was getting what he deserved.
CROW: French silk pie WITH NO SUGAR OR SWEETENERS!
MIKE: Huh?
SERVO: I don't get it.
CROW[desperate]: But it's funny, see? Robotnik is fat and...waaahhh!
>Snively couldn't even count the number of times he'd been slapped around by
his uncle...
MIKE: ...or by his girlfriend.
>and many times he had ended up beeding, bruised, with broken bones...one time
he'd been
>unconscious for an entire week, and awakened, only to scream from the pain
that still racked
>his body. Now finally...finally, Robotnik was getting his,
SERVO: ...finally.
>and although Snively couldn't see it, imagining it gave him intense pleasure.
MIKE: Such final pleasure.
> The conversation carried on for about an hour, until finally, Sniv cut
it off.
SERVO[Mel Brooks]: You take your little thing and put it in the little
hole...shunk!
Nip the tip!
>After turning off the monitor, he glanced at the clock. 2:00 am. He yawned,
stretching
>leisurely, and slipped under the covers.
SERVO: Then his wife screamed, jumped out of bed and ran out of the room.
> A sweet satisfied smile graced his face as he fell asleep.
>
>
MIKE: End exposition.
> But no smile touched Snively's face now, as he stared down at the Void
doorways.
>The Freedom Fighters were coming for him, and the only way he could think to
stop them
>was to bring Robotnik back. The shock of seeing the fat tyrant would make the
Freedom
>Fighters back off.
SERVO: Either that or make them kill him for real this time.
> But the thought of Robotnik back in command made Snively dig his nails
into his palms
>hard enough to draw blood.
CROW: They would *never* show this on a Saturday morning cartoon show!
>With a deep sigh, he began to search for the hidden retrieval program.
MIKE: Warning. Critical meltdown initiated. Thank you for pressing F6.
SERVO[as Snively]: No, wait! Wrong button! No!
> After sifting through many files on the computer, Sniv finally found
the program. He
>sighed again, closed his eyes, and pressed the button to activate the program.
The doors
>in the chamber opened, and he peered down into the room. The swirling Void
could be seen now.
>The Void emitted a wind that sucked everything into it, much like a whirlpool.
The retrieval
>programs reversed the wind, pulling everything out.
MIKE: So, all the retrieval programs do is reverse the fans?
SERVO: Hey, you pay five bucks for a super-special retrieval program, and
that's
what you get.
> He waited. And waited. Then finally, a large red-clad figure was
deposited on the floor
>of the chamber. Robotnik stood up. Snively noted that his outfit, that
terrible gaudy
>outfit that made his eyes hurt, was torn and ripped, stained with dirt and
sweat.
SERVO: I have a hard time beliving the wind could pick up Robotnik.
> +AH4Afg-I bet he smells just peachy.+AH4Afg-
> "Snively!" yelled Robotnik, his voice strangely desperate. "Close the
doors!"
CROW[as Snively]: Yes, sir!
MIKE: Huh? Crow, that's not funny at all! What is going on with you today?
CROW[choking back tears]: I don't know, Mike! I just can't seem to be funny!
I...I don't know!
[Mike ushers Servo and Crow out of the theater.]
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