[MiSTing] Llanas Trilogy, Part II: "Proposition" (1 of 2)
Kaitou Juliet
Original story by Dreelyn
MiSTing by Dreelyn and Juliet Youngren
Note: This MiSTing is a sequel to "Llanas Trilogy Part I:
Sati$faction
Guaranteed," which can be found at Web Site #9:
This MiSTing takes place shortly after the end of Part I.
[SoL. Orac is sitting on the countertop, with Crow and Tom are
nearby.
Crow is holding a notebook. Joel sits in the background, looking
bored.]
Crow: [reading] "Just then James Bond saw a 001001110. He drew his
01111 and 110010 the 010101."
[All laugh heartily, except Joel]
Crow: "'11101!' said James Bond as he 010101111 with his 000100."
[Bots and Orac laugh again.]
Orac: I do so enjoy this Binary Mad Libs. You chaps certainly know
how to have a great time.
Tom: Thanks, Orac! Another round?
Joel: Guys...that's 43 rounds already. Don't you think we should see
how Dr. Forrester's doing?
Tom: But it's so nice to have someone who can supply fresh numbers to
the mix. [looks at Crow]
Crow: Oh, 110010111 me.
Joel: You know, I find it hard to believe you guys can joke at a time
like this!
Crow: At a time like what?
[Joel presses the button.]
[Deep 13. In the background, Tarrant is diligently searching for Orac
while Vila is trying to help TV's Frank pull off his "Creature from
the Black Lagoon" mask. In the front, Dr. Forrester is pouring a
beaker of frothy green liquid for Avon, who is sitting at one of the
tables.]
Dr. F: This is a little brew I make myself. I think you'll find it
unassuming, but piquant.
Tarrant: [looking under a bench in the background] Orac?
Frank: Ouch!! Vila, that HURTS!
Vila: [planting a foot on Frank's chest] Just hold still and we'll
have this off in a jiffy...
[Cut to SoL. Joel and the Bots are all staring at the camera with
their
mouths open. Orac is not visible in this shot.]
Joel: Uh...sir? Weren't you about to be killed just a little while
ago?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: [feigning innocence] Whatever are you talking about?
[SoL]
Crow: Well, with the...guns and...angry people and...
[Joel and Tom nod]
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Nonsense! These people are friends of mine!
[He hands the beaker to Avon and turns back to the camera. Avon looks
at
the beaker suspiciously.]
[SoL]
Joel: But...but...
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Oh, I grant that I *was* in mortal danger. But I escaped.
[SoL]
Joel and the Bots: HOW?!!
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: That's not important. What is important is that now we're all
the
best of friends--right, Kerr?
Avon: Er, certainly.
[Avon empties the beaker into a convenient potted plant as soon as Dr.
Forrester's back is turned. The plant curls up and dies]
Tarrant: [opening a cabinet in the background] Orac?
[SoL]
Tom: Why does this remind me of something I've seen recently....
[Deep 13. Vila and Frank have migrated to the foreground in their
struggle.]
Vila: Hold *still*, Frank! You're making this harder than it should
be.
[Soolin and Dayna pass through, carrying purses.]
Tarrant: There you are! Help me look for Orac, would you?
[Tarrant opens a closet. Something that looks like the huge fake
octopus from "Bride of the Monster" falls on him.]
Tarrant: [muffled] Orac?
Dayna: See you later, Tarrant. We've got things to do.
Soolin: Yes, the Mall of America is only 3.6 miles from this secret
underground laboratory.
[Dayna and Soolin leave.]
Dr. F: Well, while I get to know my new friends better, I'm sending
you
Part Two of the Llanas trilogy. This one's called
"Proposition,"
and it features a lot of restating the obvious. Send them the
fic, Frank.
[He looks over to where Vila now has Frank in a headlock. He sighs.]
Dr. F: Oh, never mind. [Presses the button himself.]
[SoL. Lights and sirens.]
Joel and Bots: Ohhhhhhhh, we got sequel siiiiiiiiign!
[Door sequence. They enter the theater and take their seats.]
> PROPOSITION
>
> by Dreelyn
>
>
> "A quiet word is my propsition
> A promise made on a fearless day.
Joel: What was I *thinking* when I said I'd clean out the basement?
> My body pleads for this coalition
Crow: Yeah, the Rainbow Coalition really gets me HOT!
> Without surrender, if you stay..."
> --"Proposition"
> Duran Duran
>
>
> "The body has been disposed of without complications," Soolin said
> coldly.
Joel: There's a new Governor of Minnesota now?
Crow: [Soolin] And the next time you try telling me that "cleaning is
women's work," I'll break your kneecap.
> "And no one saw me do it."
Tom: That would be the definition of "without complications",
wouldn't
it?
Crow: The Department of Redundancy Department...
Joel: [Soolin] I wasn't there! You can't prove anything! Nobody saw
me
do it!
> Vila stared at the floor, Dayna at the ceiling of the small room
Crow: Uh...so does that mean Vila was lying on top of Dayna?
Joel: I should scold you for that, but it does kinda sound that way.
> adjacent to the main hallway of Terminal Seven at Arda One.
All: The Pleasure Planet!
> Tarrant stared
> at Avon, who was sitting in a chair in a corner of the room with a blank
> look on his face.
Joel: The chair had a blank look?
Crow: The room?
Joel: The corner?
Tom: The audience?
> "Was killing her really advisable, Avon?" Tarrant said angrily.
Tom: [Tarrant] Couldn't you have just *singed* her a little?
> "Not only advisable, but imperative," Avon began, standing.
Crow: [Avon] She was demanding a raise, and her own dressing room!
And she wanted us to change the name of the show to "Neyjha's
Seven!"
> He
> stepped forward, until he nearly touched noses with Tarrant.
Joel: Eskimo kisses!
Tom and Crow: Eewww!
> "She was a
> threat to my existence."
> "She was an innocent bystander!" Tarrant exploded.
All: Ewww!
Tom: [Soolin] If you think I'm cleaning that up, you've got another
thing coming...
> "She was
> practically a child!
Crow: Um, Joel, wasn't Avon sleeping with her and everything?
Joel: Try not to think about it, Crow.
> You had no right!"
> "I had *every* right!" Avon yelled back. "She was a threat!"
> "What kind of threat could she have possibly been?! Everything
> could have been taken care of!"
Tom: [Tony Soprano] I want youse ta take care of it.
> The veins on Tarrant's neck stood out.
Tom: They weren't wearing the proper blue like all other veins, but
had
chosen a rather gaudy chartreuse.
> "*Not* everything! She was pregnant!"
Tom: Y'know, I *still* don't get that one. It's not like he was
going
to cease to exist because she was pregnant.
Joel: Tom, easy...
Tom: I mean, let's say the kid was born. It's a *baby*, for Pete's
sake. What's it going to do, wet him to death? Gum off his
finger?
Joel: Tom...
Tom: Some people might even say the production of offspring is
*perpetuating* his existence, so why is he getting so worked up
over it?
Joel: It's just a plot device, Tom. You'll have to learn to live
with
it.
> The words slipped out before
> Avon really knew it.
Joel: [Avon] Hey--come back here, you pesky words!
> He watched Tarrant's jaw drop.
Crow: First Tarrant's exploding, then he's falling apart.
> Vila, Dayna, and
> Soolin stared at him. "Yes," he said with effort. "She was pregnant,
> and nothing short of death could have terminated *that*."
Crow: Someone should acquaint Avon with the term "abortion".
Tom: Or even "family planning".
> "Then you didn't want to kill her?" Vila asked.
Joel: [Avon] Yes, I did. She was pretty annoying.
> "Of course not. Do you think I take pleasure in murder?"
Crow: Yes.
Joel: I think so.
Tom: Absolutely.
> He raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer that never came.
Crow: Boy, at least *something's* showing some self-restraint in
these
stories!
> Soolin began to speak. "We need to get away from here--off this
> planet."
Tom: Well, yes, that *would* be "away from here".
> "I second the motion," Vila agreed.
> "We should never have left the ship at all," Tarrant said. "We may
> not be able to get back."
All: D'oh!
> "Don't be so optimistic," Dayna said despondently.
> "He's right," said Avon.
Crow: Isn't Dayna a woman? I'm so confused...
> "It was your idea to leave the ship in the first place!" Vila
> exclaimed.
> "At the time, it was necessary."
Joel: I might be mistaken, but weren't they all on a well-deserved
vacation?
Tom: More like a "three-hour tour"...
> "Like killing Neyjha?" Tarrant asked.
> The smashing blow of Avon's fist nearly knocked Tarrant over before
> he knew what had hit him.
Crow: Ooooh! Here comes the big manly man fight!
> Avon stared at his bruised knuckles
> momentarily, then ran out of the room.
Joel: [Avon] Aaaaah! Blood!
> Tarrant steadied himself and touched his bleeding lip. "I didn't
> think he had it in him."
Tom: Right, because Avon in the series is *so* wishy-washy and
opposed
to violence.
Crow: What does the Avon in the series have to do with this guy?
Tom: I don't know, but I sure miss him.
> "You said a rather stupid thing," Soolin pointed out.
Joel: [Soolin] Not that that's out of character for you, or anything.
> "Yes... I suppose I did." Tarrant half-smiled.
Tom: [Tarrant] Tee-hee! Avon's so cute when he's angry!
> "Funny thing is, I
> don't know why I said it."
Crow: Ah, Tarrant. Always thinking with the wrong head.
> "Did you like her, Tarrant?" Vila asked.
> "She was an intelligent young woman," Tarrant began sadly. "And
> pretty, too.
Tom: [Tarrant] And I never got a chance with her, dammit.
> Sleer destroyed her. I knew that."
> "And you blamed Avon," Soolin said.
> "Avon did kill her," Vila insisted.
Crow: He's got a point there.
> "She was dead before that." Tarrant sat in a nearby chair. "Long
> before that." He sighed deeply.
Crow: So Avon's a necrophiliac *and* a pedophile?
Joel: Crow...
>
> Avon jogged down the hall at a steady pace,
Joel: You've really got to hand it to him. Even in the middle of
emotional turmoil and mortal danger, he doesn't neglect his
daily jogging.
> moving closer and closer
> to the heart of Terminal Seven.
Crow: Hmmm...won't Orac be jealous?
Joel: That Avon is one smooth...
Bots: Shut yo' mouth!
Joel: Just talkin' about Avon.
Bots: We can dig it.
> He watched his feet pound the floor as
> he ran, never looking up--or back.
Tom: If he had looked up, he'd have seen Fox Mulder jogging in the
other direction.
> His thought raced before his eyes.
Crow: [Avon] Dammit! My thought's getting a better time than I am!
Must...go...faster...!
> He saw Blake before him, as clear as day.
Joel: Whoa! What the hell are YOU doing here?
Tom: [Avon, theatrically] Is this a Blake I see before me?
> He heard the shots, and saw his
> former companion fall to the ground.
Crow: [Avon] Wait a minute! There must have been a second gunman on
the grassy knoll!
> He saw Neyjha lying in a crumpled
> heap on the floor. He saw the angry face of Tarrant--heard him scream
> his accusations.
Tom: [Tarrant] You ate the last sausage, didn't you?!
> His mind went back to Vila on the shuttle,
Crow: --Enticingly disheveled, a button on his uniform undone....
Joel: Hush. Dr. Forrester might get ideas about sending us Blake's 7
slash next.
> and Anna...
Crow: He had a threesome with Vila and Anna on the shuttle?
Joel: I said, hush.
> Avon shook his head, clearing his mind of those torturous thoughts
Tom: We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
> for the moment. He rounded a corner
Joel: Good of him to child-proof the place.
> and slowed to a stop, winded.
> Lifting his head, the computer expert was met by a surprising sight.
Crow: The whole crew was there with party hats and a birthday cake!
> Before him stood six fully-armed Federation guards and Commissioner
> Sleer herself.
Tom: Wakachickawakachicka...
> "Well, did you enjoy your little jaunt down the hall?" Sleer
> sneered.
Joel: Try and say that five times fast.
Crow: Sleer sneered, Sleer sneered, Sleer sleered...d'oh.
> Avon stared at her, his face expressionless.
Joel: We've secretly replaced your usual Avon with this robot...
Tom and Crow: Hey--we resemble that remark!
> "I assume you've discovered that I've been here for a while," she
> continued. "Long before you came.
Tom: [Servalan] In more ways than one, if you get my drift.
> You could say that I've been waiting
> for you."
Crow: [Avon] Why would I say it when you just did?
> The computer expert shook off a sudden chill.
> "I assumed you knew," Sleer said, "Because my agent never
> responded."
> "Your agent? Don't you mean your slave? That girl..."
Joel: Marlo Thomas?
> "I'm sure you took care of her in your usual manner."
Tom: [Sleer] Tucked her in, read her a bedtime story, brought her
some
warm milk....
> Sleer smiled,
> a bit tightly. "Most efficient--as always?"
Crow: Avon's no sixty-minute man, apparently...
> Avon felt the strings of his mind tighten until they were so taut
> that the slightest touch would cause them to snap.
Tom: Sleer's getting on his last nerve.
> He knew that she was
> playing with him, but she wouldn't see him break.
Joel: She's so careless with her toys.
> No, she wouldn't have
> *that* pleasure.
Tom: But anything *else* she wanted was fine and dandy with him!
> "If you're carrying a weapon--and I assume you are--
Crow: [Avon] Always, baby.
> will you kindly
> dispose of it?" The Commissioner waited, but Avon did nothing.
Joel: As per the plot advancement of this story. At least he's
acting
appropriately for the pace already set...
> "Oh, come now." She tapped her foot.
Tom: [Avon] If I could come now...
Crow: ...we wouldn't need to be having this conversation in the first
place?
> "I don't have a weapon. I...
Crow: [Avon] I left my viagra at home!
> dropped it on our ship."
> "Search him," she ordered.
Tom: Wakachickawakachicka...
> "He's unarmed," the guard answered upon completing the
Crow: ...Full-body-cavity...
> search.
> "Come with me," she said with a smile.
Crow: [Avon] If I...
[Joel holds his beak closed]
Joel: We've had enough of that.
Tom: [Avon] A little stimulation would be helpful!
> "I believe you're in a
> position to hear my proposition."
Tom: [Avon] W00T!!
> Avon stolidly followed Sleer through a nearby door.
Crow:...feeling less like a man by the minute.
>
> "I've searched all of our section," Tarrant said, "And I can't find
> him at all."
> "We've been all over this Terminal--at least, everywhere that
> wasn't restricted.
Joel: Well, gee, that's helpful. Unless he's *in a restricted area*!
> He's nowhere to be found," Vila agreed.
Tom: [Vila] Though I have this strange feeling we're forgetting to
check someplace.
> The four remaining
> crew members had been searching for Avon for at least an hour.
Joel: Not the brightest stars in the sky, are they?
> They hadn't seen him since he had run off after hitting Tarrant, and
> they were beginning to worry.
Tom: The author makes it sound like he's off pouting in a corner
somewhere.
> "You don't think he's gone without us?" Dayna asked.
Joel and Bots: [whispering] Psst...restricted areas...restricted
areas....
> "No," Tarrant answered. "Not unless he took another ship. He's
> not a good enough pilot to fly that cruiser."
Joel: [Tarrant] Not that I'm bragging or anything, since I *can* fly
it.
Crow: [Tarrant] She's a feisty little filly, needs a firm hand to
keep
her in line.
> "And with the Federation about, he'd never make it aboard anyway,"
> Soolin said.
Tom: Whew! I thought Soolin was bereft of her expositional powers
there
for a second...
> "At least we have Orac." Vila patted his chair, under which the
> four had hidden the computer.
Joel: [Orac] Quiet! I'm trying to get some sleep here!
> "Have you tried Orac to contact Avon?" Dayna asked.
Tom: Tarrant held the computer to his ear, but couldn't hear the
roaring
of Avon at all....
> "Yes, with no result," Tarrant sighed.
Crow: [Tarrant] I think they've had a tiff.
> "We're just going to have
> to keep looking. We can't leave him here."
Tom: [sings] Stand by your man...
> "Why not?" Vila asked.
Joel: That's an appropriate question, I do believe.
> "He's seemed perfectly content with leaving
> us on numerous occasions." Vila thought about the shuttle from
> Malodaar.
Joel: From where? Mallowmar?
Tom: Melmac?
Crow: Malodorous?
> "Permanently."
> "Yes, but he never *did* leave us," Tarrant reminded him.
Crow: [Tarrant] Dammit...
> "If we don't leave now, we may not ever be able to," Soolin said.
Joel: That's it, Soolin! Break out of that codependent cycle!
> "If we do, *he* may not be able to," Dayna pointed out.
Tom: [Soolin] So?
Crow: Able to what? I lost track...
> "*I'm* going to keep looking," Tarrant said.
Joel: [Tarrant] Avon still owes me five dollars!
> "And you can't really
> leave without me.
All: [Others] Oh, just watch us!
> Now, are you going to help?"
> "I'll help," Dayna said.
> "Yes," Soolin agreed.
> "Well..." Vila hesitated. The others glared at him.
Joel: Peer pressure! Peer pressure!
> "Oh, all
> right!" he exclaimed, joining the others in a small huddle
Crow: 24-33-57-Hike!
> as they
> devised a plan to search for the lost computer expert.
Tom: [Tarrant] Well, let's go back to searching the *unrestricted
areas*
again....
>
> "Please, sit down," Sleer said as she and Avon entered a small,
> comfortably furnished room. Roark, the host of Arda One's Terminal
> Seven, stood by a wall with a guard.
Tom: If you stand by a wall without a guard, you leave stains.
Joel: So it's a Scotch Guard, then.
Crow: [Guard] Och aye, get yer arse off the wall!
> Avon took a seat on a nearby
> couch. "Was this the man, Roark?" Sleer asked, pointing a finger at
> Avon.
> "Yes, Commissioner," Roark answered in a shaky tone.
Joel: [Roark] It was him! In the study! With the candlestick!
> "He was with
> your girl, and I haven't seen her since."
Crow: Whoa, so she was *Sleer's* girl?
Tom: No wonder she's mad.
> "You're an incompetent fool!" Roark attempted to step backward,
> but the guard held him fast.
Joel: Ah, *sticky* Scotch Guard!
Crow: Maybe it's Scotch tape.
> "I trusted you with a simple task and you
> failed to complete it! Instead, you let her be killed!"
> "It's not my fault that he killed her!" Roark said in defense.
> Then he quickly added, "Commissioner."
> "Enough! Guard, you're dismissed. Take him away."
All: Calgon, take him away!
> Sleer smiled as
> she watched Roark's face contort with fear.
> "Please, Commissioner!" the former host pleaded. "Please, have
> mercy!
Tom: [chants] Servalan eleison.
> I beg of you, please--" The guard pulled him through a door which
> closed after them, muffling his cries.
Tom: Wakachicka?
Joel: Let's hope not.
> The Commissioner turned to Avon. "If you want something done
> right..."
Crow: Stop killing your henchmen?
> Her sentence trailed off into laughter. "Oh, my," she sighed.
> "This *is* opportune!"
> "*What* is opportune?" Avon queried, his voice hinting a slight
> interest in the matter.
Crow: [Avon] Hey, I might get laid after all!
> "I've been assuming a great deal lately." Sleer sighed as she sat
> near Avon. "But let me assume once more.
Joel: You shouldn't do that, 'cause when you assume...
All: You make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"!
> I take it you discovered my
> purpose for following you here."
> "I did." Avon shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Crow: [Avon] Drat these hemerrhoids!
> "And when you did, you did away with my method--
Tom: [Avon] Yep. I really hate that Stanislavsky stuff.
> the girl?"
> "I... I did."
> Sleer smiled at Avon's sudden dicomfort.
Joel: [Sleer] You shall never get your hands on the Preparation H!
> "Well, then, you know
> about the Llanian Birth and Growth Accelerator?"
> "I do."
Crow: I now pronounce you man and psychosis. You may kiss your
sanity goodbye.
> "Good, good. That will save me time and explanations.
Joel: [Sleer] Besides, Soolin's not here...
> But then,
> you're a perceptive man. You can pick up on things rather quickly."
Tom: This *is* the same guy who gave his real name when he checked in
at the Pleasure Planet in the last story, right?
Joel: Yes.
Tom: Just checking.
> Avon didn't say a word, but his face grew redder with each passing
> moment.
Crow: [Avon] Is she coming on to me?
> Sleer laughed again. "Yes...quite a smart man. Intelligence has
> always been one of your greater attributes."
Joel: This is definitely not the Avon we know and love...
> "I hadn't noticed."
Tom: Neither had we.
> Flattery took on a new and twisted meaning
> coming from the lips of Commissioner Sleer.
> "I've often wondered why you chose to use your intelligence to
> better such a futile cause."
Crow: It must be futile if it's depending on *his* intelligence...
> Sleer smiled broadly.
Tom: How else would she smile? She's a broad, isn't she?
> "I've often wondered that myself." Avon matched her grin with one
> of his own. He had collected his thoughts and discovered her game,
Joel: [Avon] Monopoly. Excellent.
Tom: If it's matching, it must be Simon!
Crow: Or Concentration!
> and
> he now decided that he would play it.
Tom: But only if he got to be the little top hat.
> "You could put it to a much better purpose."
Crow: [Sleer] Figuring out how they get the caramel into a Caramilk
bar, for example.
> "And you had a purpose in mind?" Avon asked, although he already
> knew the answer.
Tom: Wakachickawakachicka....
> "With the Accelerator, you and I could create a race of super
> beings--the best of both worlds, so to speak."
> "So to speak," the computer expert repeated.
Tom: No, please, not more repetition! I'll be good! [whimpers]
> "We can control anything."
Joel: [Sleer] We can control the horizontal. We can control the
vertical.
> She ran her long, slender fingers
> through Avon's hair. "Together."
> "What an interesting concept." Avon put her hand aside and stood
> up. "Funny. I seem to have this strange feeling of deja vu."
Crow: [British] Tonight on "It's the Mind...."
> "Ah, but this time I'm afraid you're in no position to come out on
> top--so to speak."
Tom: Wakachi--oh wait, that sexual pun was intentional.
> "I'll keep that in mind."
Joel: It's going to get mighty crowded in that little brain of his.
> "I'll leave you to yourself, then. That vis-screen is a direct
> link to my personal chamber.
Crow: [Avon] Saaaaay, does that mean I can watch you dressing?
> When you have reached a decision, let me know."
> She got up from the couch.
Crow: Did they do it already and I missed it?
Tom: Great, the only thing you *want* to see...
> "And what if my answer is no?"
> Sleer gave no answer short of a wicked laugh. She then turned on
> her heel and left Avon to ponder this proposition.
[All get up and leave the theater. Door sequence.]
[CONTINUED in part 2