WT-101: Saturday [2/3]
The_First_Delta_Knight
> Usagi nodded . Not saying a word . She was going to see her .
SERVO: Her *what!?*
> She
> was hardly expecting a word answer .
CROW: And knowing this story, she *ain't* gonna get one!
> Setsuna transformed into sailor Pluto
> and took Usagi to the time gate . This was the second time she had seen
> the time gate .
SERVO: Okay, that does it. I'm turning off my 'ParseLogic 3000.' It isn't
helping any. I'll just sit back and... Experience this story. Allow the
sensations to overwhelm me.
[Sound of something fading out]
> It was dark with purple and dark red streaks covering the
> black canopy of time .
SERVO: [To CROW] See!? Already! Colors! This beats the Time-Travel sequence in
'2001: A Space Odyssey'!
> There was a mist around the floor so Usagi wasn't
> really sure what she was standing on . Pluto raised her Time Key . A
> picture started to appear .
CROW: (Pluto) Get this... We pirate cable!
> It was Blurry at first but it slowly started
> to take shape . She saw Chibbi Usa holding something , she realized it was
> a lifeless hand , her lifeless hand .
CROW: (To SERVO) I wish *I* had a ParseLogic 3000 to turn off. I'm forced to
actually try and make sense of this prose!
> "What happened ?" Usagi mumbled not
> expecting an answer at all . "You died in the future ." Setsuna said
> immediately back .
SERVO: (Jolly, full of life, happy as can be) Ooooh, WordTennis! Neat!
> Usagi's gaze was still focused on the picture . The
> little girl was bringing out a key that usually hung around her neck .
CROW: Shouldn't Crystal Anne describe the little girl's hair? I'm dying to know!
> It
> looked like a miniature version of the time key except gold and pink . The
> little girl raised her trembling hand in the air and muttered in between
> cries . "Crystal Key ... ....take my back.... to the past ."
CROW: What about your *FRONT*!? Ooops, too late.
> a shimmer of
> light came form the key and she disappeared . Usage turned towards the
> time gate . It was two pillars besides each other with a blue light in the
> middle . It was about the only source of light in there . A crying figure
> started to appear . You could tell she was still crying a great deal .
CROW: Hence the sentence, 'A crying figure.'
> Usagi couldn't see her face , though she new her future daughter's face
> very well .
SERVO: (To CROW, still bubbley) You know, once you stop trying to find *logic*
in this story it's actually pretty damn good! Wheee!
CROW: Shut up.
> The girl saw Pluto , the saw Usagi .
CROW: The saw, Usagi, the saw!
> The little girl
> completely forgot about Pluto that moment and ran straight for Usagi . She
> rapped her hands around Usagi leg and wasn't about to let go .
CROW: No siree bob.
> Usagi
> picked up the girl and let her cry on her shoulder . She started
> whispering softly trying to get her to clam down at least just a little
> bit . It was a lost hope for Usagi . She held the girl and let her cry for
> a long time .
CROW: Yes, but *what about her hair*!? Crystal Anne, you disappoint.
> Pluto took them back to the room they were in and Chibbi Usa
> was fairly startled by the change . She cried until she had no more tears
> to cry .
CROW: (To SERVO) Please. Put me out of my misery. Kill me, KILL ME NOW!
> She breathed shaky breaths as she held on to Usagi blouse a
> tightly as she could , for fear that Usagi would disappear if she let go .
CROW: Too late, as letters everywhere are beginning to vanish!
> By then Usagi sitting down on the bed giving her as much comfort as she
> could . Chibbi Usa finally cried herself to sleep . Setsuna had left the
> room a while back . Usagi wondered around until she found Setsuna .
> "Setsuna do you have a place where I could set her down ? She's sleeping
> now ."
CROW: (Setsuna) I have an open grave...
> "Of course here is the guest bedroom ."
> Usagi went inside and laid the child down softly . "Chibbi Usa
> stirred but did not wake up . Usagi looked at the time . It was 2:15 . "
CROW: Is this the narrator?
> Great I was supposed to be at a Senchi meeting at 2" she mumbled .
[Sound of something whirring to life]
SERVO: Great, it's automatically back on. Damn saftey features.
> "Setsuna could you watch her until I can get back . " Setsuna
> nodded .
[SERVO screams loudly]
SERVO: I HATE THIS STORY! HATE IT! MAKE IT STOP, OH *PLEASE* GOD,
MAKE IT STOP!
> Usagi ran out the door , and ran towards the temple . She was
> there in ten minutes .
> "Usagi ! Your 25 minutes late !!! You were at the arcade again
> weren't you ?"
CROW: (Usagi) No, I was at the Pachinko palor, you stupid fool!
> "Rei why are you being so mean to me ! Oh and I wasn't at the
> arcade !"
SERVO: I was out *whoring*!
CROW: Servo, I know you have a deep hatred for this fanfic, but please,
remember, it is
NOT the characters' fault! They probably hate this worse than you.
SERVO: That's wise, for you.
CROW: Thanks.
> Rei glared at her and for some reason backed down ."
SERVO: Sure, Crystal Anne, no NEED to tell us! We'll trust you anyway!
CROW: Well, at least your hatefulness is directed towards a semi-appropriate
target.
> "I wonder who sent that monster yesterday ." Ami mumbled .
> "Ami what kind of energy signals did it have ?" Usagi asked .
> Everyone looked at her shocked .
CROW: (Person) That was a logical sentance, and the quotes were used correctly!
> She shrugged her shoulders "What ?"
> Everyone sweat dropped(teardrop whatever) .
[A stunned moment of silence. Then:]
CROW: Either way, it makes no sense!
SERVO: And it just shows you how much Crystal Anne cares about this story.
CROW: Maybe she did it for the money?
> "Ummmm It's unknown to me at
> the moment ." Ami said . Usagi walked over to Ami and looked at the
> computer . "Can I see it ?" Ami shrugged "Sure I guess ."
CROW: (Usagi) Why, HEY! That's me! What am I doing naked!? [Warningly] Ami!
> Usagi looked at the energy signatures and started typing . She
> typed slow at first but picked up a little speed .
SERVO: RAM THIS THROUGH YOUR SKULL, ANNE: I... DON'T... *CARE* HOW
QUICKLY SHE TYPES!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!
[A burst of smoke, a crash, SERVO becomes momentarily invisible. When the smoke
clears, (you guessed it!) his head has exploded.]
CROW: See what you've done, Crystal Anne!?
[CROW gets up to leave, minus SERVO, who just lies there. As he's leaving:]
CROW: Ooh, the humanity!
[commercials]
[SOL. CROW is at the desk. SERVO, obviously, is still in the theater. MIKE,
TORGO, and GYPSY are in the alternate dimension. CROW smacks the RED BUTTON with
his nose]
CROW: Doctor Forrester, LISTEN to me, dammit!
[DEEP 13]
DR. F: Well what's gotten into you, you insolent--
[SOL]
CROW: Servo's head has exploded, the only crew member with working hands is in
another dimension, and the person who *designed* me is roaming around in the
Australian Outback! DO SOMETHING!
[DEEP 13]
DR. F: Like WHAT!? I'm afraid my knowledge of the design of... of... the red
thing is nil.
[SOL]
CROW: What about Tv's Frank!?!?
[DEEP 13]
[Tv's Frank enters, with his hand in a jar of pickles. He grabs one and tries to
get it out, but his hand is stuck. He tries again, harder. Nothing moves. He
wedges the jar between his legs and tries pulling at his arm. Nothing. He tries
breaking the jar open, but his hand is cushioning the blows. Still it is stuck.
Tries getting it off with his teeth. Nothing. DR. FORRESTER has been staring at
him the entire time, silently, and, judging by the silence, so is CROW.]
FRANK: [To DR. F] Umm, do you have a hammer or something?
[DR. FORRESTER produces a hammer, without comment. FRANK tries using it to
smash the jar, but his hand is still absorbing the blows. The only thing he is
succeeding in doing is hurting his hand.]
DR. F: [To CROW] I think he speaks for himself. [FRANK too busy trying to get
the jar off to hear.]
[SOL]
CROW: Well... Well... [At a loss for ideas] Fine. Why not send him to the other
dimension, so Mike can fix him up? Maybe.
[DEEP 13]
[FRANK is using a blowtorch to try and get the jar off. It must be the most
durable jar in the world.]
DR. F: Hmm, speaking of which... Let's see how your friend is doing. [To FRANK]
Hey, try smashing it against here. [Indicates CONTROL panel.]
[FRANK does so, and manages to push a button. A noise happens on the SOL. Pan
down to button, labeled, "Push to bring alternate dimension up on HexField". The
jar, however, is still intact.]
[SOL]
[HexField opens, showing two figures too misty to make out currently. CROW goes
to the HexField, CAMBOT zooms in. Over-the-shoulder shot of CROW, looking at
HexField. The figures are MIKE and TORGO. Mud is smeared on their faces. The
background is a dark, foggy place. Very mysterious, very atmospheric. Sorta like
the woods in a certain 1980/82 Disney movie. A sound of something coming onto
the screen, it's a picture-in-picture of DEEP 13. Too small to really see what
is going on, but audio is unchanged. Speaking of audio, FRANK is busy trying
different methods of getting the jar off. These are labeled as {}, as in {FRANK
tries something stupid}.]
CROW: Hey, it's Mike! {Thump of glass against wall}
MIKE: Crow! Long time no see!
CROW: How's the recon expedition?
MIKE: Pretty awful. Torgo was struck dumb by an evil, roaming witch, and then we
were scorned by the local peasents-- {General crash of plaster, brick, etc.}
CROW: [Ignoring that] That's very good; I'm glad to hear it. Umm, Mike. Servo's
head exploded. {Chainsaw being fired up.}
MIKE: [Not quite getting it] Well, that's very-- WHAT!? His HEAD!?
CROW: Exploded. Yep.
MIKE: Great. And I suppose I'm supposed to-- {Chainsaw turned off, sound of
18-wheeler being backed up and driven over something.}
CROW: But of course.
DR. F: Excuse me for cutting in, but I'm afraid we can't SEND your red friend
in.
CROW: But-- {Cow mooing}
MIKE: Why!?
DR. F: Rules of the Experiment. A single Bot is not permitted to stay in the
theater alone longer than five minutes without human supervision. {Sound of a
siren going off, then an explosion.}
MIKE: And, I suppose, playing by the clichés of the genre, it'll take, what, six
minutes to fix Servo?
CROW: Ten, actually. {DR. F says to FRANK, "Have you tried hot water?"}
MIKE: Great. If I go there to fix Servo, then you have to come over here. And if
you came over here then who would tell me how to fix Servo? {FRANK: No...}
CROW: Point taken. However, it really isn't that hard. All you need to do is
screw one of our replacements on. {Sizzling sound of scalding water. Plop of a
jar falling off.}
MIKE: So *that's* what those were for!
CROW: (To DR. F) So, could you beam me there and send Mike back here? {Sound of
crunching food.}
DR. F: *I* have to do everything. It never fails. [To FRANK] Finklestein, could
you hit this button? {Sound of button being smacked. FRANK: I really like
pickles.}
[Big flash of smoke. Smoke obscures view of HexField. When smoke clears, CAMBOT
is back in his standard position. MIKE is busy screwing on one of SERVO'S
heads.]
SERVO: Ahh, I needed that.
MIKE: So are you the 'easy-to-assemble' model?
SERVO: Well, I--
[LIGHTS go off]
SERVO & MIKE: FANFIC SIGN!
[commercials]
[SERVO and MIKE enter. MIKE looks at CROW'S empty seat, then at SERVO.]
MIKE: Do you think Crow would mind if I...?
SERVO: Go ahead... So long as I can have your seat.
[MIKE sits in CROW'S seat, and SERVO in MIKE'S.]
> "There now look at it .
> You won't recognize it , but you can track it ."
> "Thank you , oh and by the way how did you do that ?"
MIKE: [Usagi] Plot contrivance. You need to learn how to use them to your
advantage.
> "Ami , I'll tell you later I really need to go ."
SERVO: Oh, GOD! The memories of Sailor Moon Fantasy are coming back!
> "Usagi wait Luna said running up beside Usagi ."
> "Where are you going ?"Luna asked .
SERVO: [Usagi] To another fanfic, I hope.
> "Back to where I was and your not coming along ."
> "Luna turned around and ran back to the temple . Ami can you do
> something for me . Something's up and Usagi's not going to tell . Could
> you follow her now ?"
MIKE: [Ami] Only if you promise to stop saying your stage directions out loud,
you moron!
> "Sure no problem" Ami said . Ami Transformed into Sailor Mercury
> " Oh while your out where
SERVO: Where!? [Looking around excessively]
> this . It lowers you power level so take
> in off if you get into a fight . K ? "
MIKE: All of a sudden this is like a bad Final Fantasy ripoff.
> " Luna , why ." she asked confused .
> "Long story ,
SERVO: Tell *me* about it.
> It lowers your power level so if you get in a fight
> , take it off ."
SERVO: Take it all off.
> "I will ." She took the bracelet and put it on her wrist . It had
> A stone for each Senchi(yes even the outers ).
MIKE: (Disbelievingly) ALL of the Senchi!?
SERVO: (The same) Even the outers!?
BOTH: (Admiringly) Ooooh...
> Sailor Mercury jumped on
> the roof and started following Usagi . She looked around , but couldn't
> find her anywhere . "Great , she took the bus ."she mumbled .
MIKE: Now, *that's* what I call an extensive search.
> She turned
> around and went back . Sailor Mercury detransformed back . Then started
> walking back to her house . She got out her mini computer and started
> typing ,
SERVO: It was a dark and stormy night...
> When she felt something brush up on her .
MIKE: Is that a pickle in your pocket, or are you just--
SERVO: Stop. Now.
> She looked down to see
> a white cat with a golden cresentmoon
SERVO: Is it one word, or two? Crystal Anne doesn't care!
> on its forehead
> "Hello Artemis ,
[BOTH shudder in memory of "Megane's Lover".]
> how are you today ?"
> "I'm fine ."
> "Artemis do you know where Luna might be ?"
> "Well , I was looking for her ."
> "Well when you find her give her this back . " Ami held out he
> bracelet and gave it to the cat . Artemis put it in a Z-space pocket .
> "Well bye
> Ami ."
> "Bye Artemis ." Artemis trotted off looking for Luna . Ami looked
> at her computer and put it away ."
SERVO: She must have one *huge* Z-space pocket.
> Artemis trotted of wondering about that bracelet Many questions
> were though his head , "Well..." he thought "... my questions will be
> answered when I find Luna .
> ***********
MIKE: Hey, it's Orion's belt!
> Usagi walked to Setsuna's house as fast as she could . She
> knocked on the door and Setsuna answered it . "Hi , again ." Setsuna said
> . "May I come in ?"
MIKE: [Usagi] Well, seeing as though it's your own house...
> "Of course ." Usagi walked into the house .
> "Chibbi Usa didn't wake right ?"
SERVO: [To MIKE] Is there a wrong way to wake?
> "She sleeping soundly ."
> "Thanks for watching her . I'm going to go check on her ." Usagi
> wondered off until she found the guest bedroom . She opened the door
> quietly . She was still sleeping .
MIKE: Saturday: The Story of a Somnambulist.
> She walked up and stroked the little
> girl's pink hair .
SERVO: Aww, it's Johnny Rotten's kid.
> She closed the door and let her sleep . Usagi needed to
> do something with the little girl for the night .
MIKE: Let's just try to *imagine* Crow's inevitable comment.
> Michiru and Haruka
> weren't home yet from the concert they were performing , but they would be
> home soon . She sat there and thought . [She could brainwash her parents
SERVO: Could she brainwash us into believing we NEVER READ this horrible
fanfic!?
> with Luna P , baka ( stupid ) Usagi ,
MIKE: Bad Usagi. Stupid Usagi.
> she cursed to herself . Luna P
> happened to be left in the future The Crystal??? Nahhh .
MIKE: That would signify something called *plot*.
> That meant her
> house was out of the question What to do ? What to do ?
SERVO: (Falsetto) They're going to kill Joel! They're going to kill Joel!
> Maybe she could
> stay here ? That was impossible to her . Haruka, Hotaru, Setsuna, Michiru
MIKE: Sneezy, Grumpy, and Happy...
> would NEVER EVER agree on that . Well It can't hurt to ask .
SERVO: (Crystal Anne) Find a tense and stick with it!? Hell, no! I'm Crystal
Anne, so I can do *whatever* the hell I want!
> ] She asked
> Setsuna and she said "No ." flat out .
> "Okay then ,Where am I going to keep her where the Inner Senchi
> won't find out ."
MIKE: [To SERVO] Hey, you know... Is there a plot in this mess?
SERVO: This is the Red Zone Cuba of fanfics.
> Setsuna was stumped . Flat out had no idea what to do .
SERVO: Why not consult with Side out?
MIKE: Or Round out?
> " Just for tonight though ."
> "Good then . Tomorrow is Monday so I better get a some clothes
> and tell Luna I'm going to stay at a friends ." Usagi left , heading
> towards here house .
SERVO: [Looking around extravagantly] Where?
> ***********
MIKE: Hey, if you look at it sideways it looks sorta like barbed wire.
SERVO: Neat.
> Artemis Looked for Luna and found her taking a nap in Usagi's room .
> Artemis pawed the window until Luna got up . Luna pushed the window open
> so that Artemis could get in . "Well Hello Artemis ."
MIKE: Her mastering of the human emotions is unsurpassable... In it's BADness.
> "Hi Luna . I need to talk to you about a certain bracelet"
> Luna thinks to herself [oh brother.] "Hai ."she said .
SERVO: (Artemis) Hello to you, too.
> "So Luna , why did you give her it ?"
MIKE: Give her what?
> " I think Usagi is gaining some of her old abilities and I didn't
> want Usagi to know Ami was following her as Sailor Mercury .
> "Yes but if she would have been attacked..."
SERVO: (Artemis) ...Then this stupid fanfic would be over! D'oh!
> Luna interrupted "It would have weakened her powers greatly . I
> told her to take it off if she got into battle ."
MIKE: The same philosophy motivates ninety percent of females in street fighting
games.
> "But it still could have hurt her Luna , promise me you won't give
> it to ANY of the Senchi again ."
> "Artemis , I won't I promise ."
SERVO: A-HA! A double negative!
> *****************
MIKE: Is it just me, or do the stars seem to multiply with each glance?
> End of part 3
[They get up to leave. As they leave:]
SERVO: Sheesh... That was a long one.
MIKE: Let's see how Crow's doing...
[1...2...3...4...]
[The sequence suddenly stops. A pause. It begins going in reverse.]
[4...3...2...1... THEATER]
[Offscreen]
MIKE: Well, what the--!?
SERVO: The damn door is locked!
[The following gains in speed, until they're coming in rapid sucession]
MIKE: Hello? Anyone? Crow!?
SERVO: Doctor Forrester?
MIKE: Tv's Frank?
SERVO: Gypsy?
MIKE: Torgo?
SERVO: The Master?
MIKE: Eegah?
SERVO: The Fat Barkeep?
MIKE: Umm, Joel?
SERVO: Chief!?
VOICE: McCloud!?
SERVO: What the hell!?
VOICE: Hey, guys! Gosh, it was great. Torgo took me to the Masters', and we had
hot chocolate, and tea, and cookies, and he let me watch the monster trucks, and
he gave me a magazine with naked women in it, and he told me that I could be his
nephew, and I was the official Robot God--
SERVO: Yeah yeah yeah, but what about Gypsy?
[A pause]
CROW: Oops.
MIKE: You didn't get Gypsy!?
CROW: My bad.
[MIKE screams in frustration]
SERVO: Well, could you at least let us out?
CROW: Sure thing.
[Sound of a door. Like the one from Daggerfall that is used in ep. 902]
[1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL]
[Commercials]
[SOL. CROW is at desk. MIKE and SERVO enter from right]
MIKE: [To CROW] Great. Just great. We waste fifty minutes with an insanely
stupid plot contrivance, and when it's all said and done, you don't have the
common sense to FINISH THE DAMN MISSION!
CROW: [Unmoved] You know, it is so unlike you to swear at me--
MIKE: [Overlapping] Shut up!
CROW: --*Michael*.
MIKE: Crow, I am sick and tired of your general incompantance! You're nasty,
hateful, vile, stupid, hopelessly clueless, and to make matters worse YOUR
STUPID IDEAS ALWAYS LEAD TO DISASTER! AND I'M ALWAYS THE ONE WHO SAVES US! and
why is it me!? WHY AM I HERE!? Did I *want* to take the Gizmonic job!? NOOOOO! I
wasn't even supposed to! If it weren't for Eddy backing out, THIS NEVER WOULD'VE
HAPPENED!! IF YOUR STUPID 'JOEL' FRIEND HADN'T ESCAPED, THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO
BE HERE, COVERING UP FOR THE STUPIDITY OF TWO {bleep}ING ROBOTS! WELL, NOT
*THIS* TIME!--
SERVO: [Overlapping] Mike...
MIKE: --THIS TIME WE'RE ALL GONNA BURN!! Ship's gonna run out of oxygen, or
crash, or SOMETHING soon, and quite frankly I don't give a crap! I'll see you
in--
SERVO: [Overlapping] Mike!
MIKE: --hell, or the underground, or the CASTLE OF FU MANCHU FOR GOD'S SAKE!
WHATEVER THE *HELL* THAT IS!
SERVO: [In his DynamicMightyVoice (tm) bellow] MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Silence. MIKE is breathingly deeply, his face red. He's at the end of his
line.]
MIKE: [In a deathly hushed tone] Servo, this had better be *deathly* important.
SERVO: I'd just like to point out the fact that, well, us robots don't really
*need* oxygen, or food, or--
[MIKE grabs SERVO and throws him off screen right. Crash of SERVO hitting wall.
A whimper. MIKE picks up CROW by the neck, and moves offscreen. The following is
all offscreen.]
MIKE: i'm gonna *end* it all! yeah. i'm gonna do it. i'm gonna take this gold
piece of {bleep} and smash you over and over again. i'm gonna hurt you, man.
you're gonna smash. yeah. i'm gonna {bleep} you up. gonna give you a nice little
cut, man...
SERVO: [Sobbing] No! Please! No! Mike, you can't! Don't you see!? We're all in
this together! You! Me! Crow! What one of us does cannot be truly evil, for
everyone has some goodness in them! And that goodness shines through in each
and every act we commit. Please! Do it for me! For you! And for Crow. Who really
does love you. We all love you, Mike! How else could we survive!? All these
years, we've been together! Sure, we love Joel as our creator, but we love
you as our godfather, our father figure, our
'guy-next-door-who-is-sometimes-simple-but-is-a-good-friend-anyways' image!
[MIKE slowly breaks down into tears. Pan to corner, where SERVO is lying down,
and MIKE is curled into the fetal posistion, whimpering.]
MIKE: [Through the tears, though most is garbled] You ... friends ... what ...
first movies... -ow fanfics ... -ything sacr- ... you friends, you friends, you
friends ... [Repeats 'you friends' through his sobs, though his voice fades
down]
[CROW picks himself up, appears in foreground. Shot very much like that of the
HexField, with SERVO and the sadly pathetic MIKE visible in the background.]
CROW: [To SERVO] Where'd you pull *that* touching monologue from?
SERVO: [Cheerful as always] It just came over me. Like I wasn't talking myself.
If I was, I would've pointed out the fact that he was really breaking character.
CROW: Sad, really.
[LIGHTS go off]
BOTH: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!
[They exit, leaving MIKE sobbing in his corner. CAMBOT stays with this shot for
a while, then slowly, somberly pans left and through the hatch.]
[6...5...4...3...2...1... THEATER]