[MiSTing] The Neelix Claus pt. III "The Starship Captain that Neelix Claus Forgot"
Tjats
Turn down your lights...(to lower your electric bill.)
In the not-too-distant future,
January of '99,
Pearl Forrester has kept Mike in pain,
And has done it for quite some time.
But now with the castle all blown up
Her ghostly ancestors have seen enough.
They saw that Pearl's plans were too diverse
So they sent her packing for the edges of the universe!
(PEARL: I'll be back!)
"I'll send Mike cheesy stories,
The worst ever made. (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all
So that my destiny can be saved." (lalala)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Which fanfic she'll send him next. (lalala)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.
ROBOT ROLL CALL
CAMBOT ("Hit it!")
GYPSY ("Oh, my!")
TOM SERVO ("Find my eyes, I dare 'ya!")
CROOOOOOOW! ("You know you want me, baby!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts, (lalala)
Repeat to yourself "It's Hypertime",
And then you can relax!
for Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000!
o...II...III...IV...V...VI...\
[SOL] Mike and the 'Bots are on the bridge.
MIKE: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Satelite of Love. In case you're
just
joining us, Pearl Forrester has been sending up bad fanfiction for the last two
years after she ran out of movies to show us. We've been in orbit over Earth
until
Jim, who was up here for about a month, escaped from captivity and blew up
Castle
Forrester. Now Pearl's ancestors have put a curse on her and she can't return
to
Earth until she has found the perfect fanfic.
SERVO: That's good, Mike. I think they're completely confused now.
CROW: Everyone, all Mike was trying to say was that we're traped in space and
forced to read cheesy stories.
GYPSY: That's a lot easier to grasp.
*commercial sign*
MIKE: I was just trying to be thourough.
CROW: Whatever.
[commercials]
[SOL]
*Mads' sign*
[Mike hits the button]
[VAN] Pearl is driving, Observer is in the pasenger seat and Bobo is in
the back.
PEARL: Hidy ho, Nelson. How was your blast from Earth's orbit?
[SOL]
MIKE[holding his back]: Well, if you had warned us to hold on to something, we
could have survived the experience uninjured.
[VAN]
PEARL: Good. Hey, Brain, where's the nearest on-ramp?
OBSERVER: Hm...[reads map] About a mile behind us.
PEARL: Darn it! Now we can't go vacationing at Disneyverse! Okay, Nelson,
while I desperately try to find another on-ramp to the cosmic interstate you're
going to read the thrid part of "The Neelix Claus", entitled "The Starship
Captain
that Neelix Claus Forgot." Plus, you're getting a short. It's the lamest
Sonic/Sailor
Moon crossover ever, and IT'S OFFICIAL. Push the brain cells, Bleachy.
[Observer sound thingy]
BOBO: Can we stop at On the Run? I'm thirsty!
PEARL: Shut up.
[SOL]
*movie sign*
ALL: It's Sonic siiiiign!
\...VI...V...IV...III...II...o
[All enter]
>A sideways pannel.
MIKE: Oops, the Negaverse is tilting Mobius.
>A figure looking like an Image superhero is standing on a sidewalk.
>COMMUNICATOR: Zonic, the zone cop, report in!
CROW: Zonic?
SERVO: Here we go.
>ZONIC: Here.
>COMMUNICATOR: There's an emergency zone breach in progress!
> Dr. Ivana Robotina...evil sorceress of the Luna Zone,
MIKE: No...no...
SERVO: Three seconds in and he cracks.
> has transported to Mobius Prime...
CROW: Is this a crossover with Sliders, too?
> ...and is engaged in heated conflict with Sonic the Hedgehog.
>
> SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IN:
MIKE: Something Wacky This Way Comes
> ZONE WARS: PRELUDE
SERVO: The Empire invades SEGA.
>ZONIC: I'll get right on it...as soon as I "zone up" some reenforcements!
CROW: And Archie Comics really wanted this?
>Meanwhile, one dimensional quarter-turn over...
MIKE: Hey, isn't that a microwave snack?
>Sonic the Hedgehog is dodging blasts from Ivana Robotina, flying overhead.
SERVO[Robotina]: I had just *one* potato chip and I balooned right up!
You will pay for this!
>ROBOTINA: Don't run away, little creature! All Queen Robotina wants to do...
> ...is transform you into one of her monsters!
>SONIC: Sheesh, if it's not Robotnik tryin' to roboticize you...it's a
> wannabe tryin' to monsterize you! What a world!
CROW: Maybe if Sonic just settled down in a small corner of Mobius and
didn't bother anyone maybe they'd leave him alone.
>A mystical burst of energy hurls toward Robotina.
>VOICE: Actually, Robotina's from my world! And in the name of justice
> and the Mobius moons...it's my duty to stop her!
MIKE: Uh, oh.
CROW: Here it is...
SERVO: Some wacked-out version of Sailor Moon...
>Sally, dressed as Sailor Moon, and Amy Rose appear out of a trans-dimensional
>void.
>SALLY MOON: For I am Pretty Soldier Sally Moon!
ALL: AAAAARRRRRGGGGHGHHHHHH!!!
CROW: Wait...that sounds like an action figure!
>CHIBI ROSE: And I am Chibi Rose! Hello!
SERVO: Hey, the writer managed to take the most annoying character from both
series and cram them into each other!
>SONIC: What the?...
>ROBOTINA: Meddlesome brats! Follow me to this dimension, will you?!
>Robotina fires green energy at Sally Moon.
MIKE: Actualy we just wanted to return your credit card you dropped-oww!
>ROBOTINA: Well, this will put a stop to you...
>A rose strikes Robotina's shoulder.
>ROBOTINA: ...once and for--ouch.
CROW: And here comes the Tuxedo Mask of this lame story.
>Knuckles, wearing a tuxedo, stands holding several roses.
MIKE: These are for you, Sally.
>CHIBI ROSE: Sally Moon, look! It's Tuxedo Knuckles! He's come to save us!
SERVO: Could you save us instead?
MIKE: Please!
>Sally Moon runs toward Tuxedo Knuckles.
>SALLY MOON: Oh, wow!
CROW: I've *got* to get his autograph!
>SONIC: Wha-?
>TUXEDO KNUX: I trust you're okay now, princess?
SERVO: Bam! Continuity error! Sally's only a princess on Mobius!
MIKE: But Serena is the Moon Princess.
SERVO: ...right.
>SALLY: Now that you're here, Tuxedo Knux.
>SONIC: WHAT?! What's going on here?!
>Zonic, walking along the wall of the frame, enters
>ZONIC: All right, move along. Zone Police coming through.
CROW[Barbrady]: Nothing to see here, go back to your dimensions.
> Time for everyone to return...to their zone of origin!
SERVO[Zonic]: Sonic, you're from the clueless zone, right?
>SONIC: You! Sideways guy! I want answers! NOW!
SERVO[Zonic]: Forty-two!
>ZONIC: Sure, kid. See, I'm a zone cop...
MIKE: As was previously mentioned.
> I come from a perpendicular zone...which runs through every parallel
dimension.
CROW: Then how come there aren't any sideways cities on Mobius, huh?
> Like your zone, Mobius Prime...and their zone, the Luna Zone.
SERVO: What about the Luna Zone? He's not gonna elaborate?
MIKE: Not only is this a crossover, it's a "Title plot solved quickly
with filler" crossover.
>Sally Moon and Chibi Rose disappear.
>SALLY MOON: Bye!
>CHIBI ROSE: See ya!
>ZONIC: It's my job to maintain multi-dimensional order...
> ...and make sure nobody goes into zones they don't belong.
CROW[Zonic]: And you're reckless zone-criss-crossing is going to stop right
now!
[phaser sound effect]
SERVO[Sonic]: NOOOOO--URK!
>SONIC: Yeah, right!
MIKE: Sonic Rowsdower.
> Look, I've been to dozzens of zones, and nobody's stopped me...
>ZONIC: On the contrary. I sent you there.
SERVO: In a small cardboard box.
>SONIC: You what?!!
CROW: Is that all Sonic knows how to say anymore?
MIKE: YOU WHAT??!! Who-? Where...? WHAT!?
>ZONIC: Come on, Sonic, wise up.
SERVO: That's like asking a dog to do your income tax.
> You think zone portals used to just pop out of nowhere...and zoop...
> You'd wind up in a zone where you were needed?
CROW: Then how come he doesn't go to Earth?
MIKE: Not even Sonic could solve all of Earth's problems.
> Like the first time you went into the special zone and became Super Sonic?
SERVO: Just because he's yellow with sparks doesn't mean he's super.
> Or when you confronted the evil zone version of yourself?
MIKE: Yes, the evil, gangster-talking dark-shaded Fonzie version of yourself?
> Or enlisted the help of your counterparts from the cosmic interstate?
CROW: Yes, the Archie Comic's Hypertime.
> Or all the times you've aided others on parallel worlds?
SERVO: And failed miserably?
> Precise dimensional travel can't be chalked up to dumb luck!
CROW: Unless this was a David Gonterman fanfic.
> (Especialy now that the ultimate annihilator's weakened the barriers
> between zones!)
>SONIC: Wow!
MIKE[Sonic]: But I still don't buy it.
> If I hadn't a' gone to all those zones...
>ZONIC: Lots of bad stuff woulda' come down.
SERVO: Like an overuse of gangster lingo?
> I know. You can thank me later.
>SONIC: But why always me? Why not send somebody else?
CROW: Here we go...the fate of all the universes is gonna depend on him, I
bet.
>ZONIC: 'Cause you're Sonic Prime, the one true Sonic of all the dimensions.
> It's your destiny to become the most pivotal hero...of all time and space...
MIKE: We're gonna see some major mini-series developments from this.
SERVO: Or maybe nothing at all.
>SONIC: Woah!
>Zonic disappears back to the No Zone.
>SONIC: ...yeah? Well, if that's so...why didn't I get the girl?!!
CROW: The whole story was a vehicle for that one joke.
>
>THE END...FOR NOW...
[Mike and the 'Bots exit]
o...II...III...IV...V...VI...\
[SOL] Crow is covered in glitter. Mike and Servo are talking.
MIKE: Crow, just because you're painted gold and all sparkly doesn't mean
you're
super.
CROW: Come on, Mike! It worked for Sonic!
SERVO: Uh, Mike, I've been reading Sonic Super Special #8 with that Zone Wars
story, and...Pearl could have sent us worse.
MIKE[looking at the comic]: Yikes. "Ghost Busted".
*commercial sign*
MIKE: We'll be right back.
CROW: Wanna see my super peel-out?
MIKE: No.
[next time on Sliders...Quinn's double is really the real Quinn and Quinn is a
fake.]
[All enter]
> Subject: "The Starship Captain That Neelix Claus Forgot" VOY PG-13 [J/C,
> 1/1]
> From: "marion" <mar...@tesco.net>
> Date: 11/30/1998 2:14 PM Eastern Standard Time
> Message-id: <73uqjj$mpu$1...@barcode.tesco.net>
>
> TITLE: The Starship Captain That Neelix Claus Forgot
MIKE: Gee...I wonder who that could be.
SERVO: You'd think Janeway would be wise to the fact that she never got a
present by now.
> SERIES: VOY
CROW: Vacine Of Yo-yos?
MIKE: Vocal Of Yippies?
SERVO: Vacation On Yasley?
> AUTHOR: Suz suz...@yahoo.com
> RATING: PG-13
MIKE: No one should read the following.
> CODES: J/C, 1/1
SERVO: J divided by C,?
> DISCLAIMER: Paramount own 'em.
CROW: That sure will keep away the lawers.
> SUMMARY: This continues on from 'Merry Christmas Mr Chakotay'. Just what is
> Kathryn going to get for Christmas?
>
MIKE: And do we care? The answers after this.
> Dedicated to Sarah AKA Lady V. You did ask for this dear...
>
SERVO: Huh?
CROW: Dedications are supposed to be inside jokes, Servo.
> *
>
> She helped Chakotay get back to his quarters. He was still quite groggy so
> he leant on her for support as they slowly made their way along deck two.
MIKE: Deck to where?
CROW: Mike!
MIKE: Sorry.
> They'd left sickbay, which was on deck five, several minutes ago despite the
> Doctor's protestations.
SERVO: They shouldn't have taken the stairs, but the turbolifts were out of
order again.
> He hadn't been entirely convinced that Chakotay
> should be up and about yet, but he had reluctantly agreed with his Captain
> that the First Officer would probably relax easier in his own quarters.
MIKE: Especialy since Janeway's his present.
>
> So it was that Kathryn and Chakotay tumbled out of sickbay with grateful
> sighs as the doors swished closed behind them, shutting out the sounds of
> the party that had started up again once everyone was assured that Chakotay
> would be alright. They didn't escape unscathed however. Someone had fired
> something called 'party poppers' at them so they were covered in long, thin
> pieces of multi-coloured paper.
CROW: It's nice to know that old 19th century gimiks are still in wide use.
> Neither of them could be bothered to pull
> them off. They were both tired, and Kathryn thought it didn't matter much as
> she looked ridiculous anyway.
SERVO: Dressed in a Santa Claus outfit covered with ticker-tape while carrying
the first officer? Yup, we're deep into fanfic territory here.
>
> Reaching the door to his quarters, he keyed in his access code and they
> almost fell to the floor in exhaustion. It was only Kathryn's determination
> they kept them going to the bed.
CROW: All right! Some sweet lovin'!
> Once there, they both fell face forward onto the mattress.
>
> The bed, not accustomed to such sudden application of so much weight, did
> something unusual. It broke.
SERVO: Okay. My head is going to blow up in five seconds if something stupid
happens again.
>
> Kathryn squawked loudly as she felt herself quickly falling backwards until
> her back came to rest against Chakotay's. They lay there, both blinking in
> disbelief, staring at opposite sides of the broken bed.
MIKE: So they hired Karl from Riding with Death to make his bed?
>
> He sighed. Heavily. "Who set us up?"
CROW: Obviously the bed designer.
>
> She sighed. Heavily. "Neelix."
>
> "He has to *pay*."
SERVO: And now Chakotay is getting in on the murder plans.
>
> "He will."
>
> "Good."
>
CROW[as Janeway]: I'll take it out of his paychecks for the next twenty years
and I won't pay him overtime and he can't keep tips.
> Reaching up her right hand, she grabbed the edge of the bed to try and pull
> herself up, but she realised that wasn't going to work as she felt the bed
> move too easily. It wouldn't provide any support for her weight. She was
> going to have to crawl off backwards.
MIKE: Thanks for the overexposition.
>
> "I apologise in advance Chakotay."
>
ALL: We'll never forgive you.
> "For what?"
>
> Her only response was to push herself backwards, doing her best to avoid any
> contact with his body parts.
SERVO[as Chakotay]: Uh, captain, don't step there. Oochies. My little first
officer.
> She'd already given him one concussion today
> and didn't want to add to his list of injuries.
>
> Kathryn's plan hit a snag when her top did just that. "Dammit."
CROW[as Janeway]: My top fell off. Could you get me something to hide behind,
please?
>
> "What is it?" he queried in a tired voice, his head moving slightly.
>
> "This stupid top has gotten stuck on something."
SERVO[as Janeway]: I think it's your spurs.
> Muttering to herself, she
> leant closer to the bed again to put less pressure on whatever it was she
> was snagged on and reached down with her hand to try and separate her top.
MIKE: Look Chakotay, let the poor lady go. She's had a rough day.
> She swore softly, hoping Chakotay didn't notice. Finally her impatience got
> the best of her and she quickly and viciously pulled away from the bed.
CROW: Ripping her head off.
>
> The sound of ripping material echoed through the room, and both remained
> absolutely silent. Kathryn stared down, mouth agape, at her ruined top.
SERVO[as Chakotay]: Why, captain. I never knew they were *that* big.
> Thankfully Chakotay's back was still towards her.
>
MIKE: But Chakotay is an Eyutis; his species has eyes on his back.
> Chakotay cleared his throat before finally speaking. "Was that what I think
> it wa-"
>
> "Not another word. And you'd better not turn around."
>
CROW[as Janeway]: Otherwise you'll be so turned on we'll have to do it and we
don't have a bed to do it in.
> Somehow he managed to shrug. "Wouldn't dream of it." Kathryn shot him a look
> that if he'd seen it he would have read as "Yeah, right." He continued
> speaking. "But you have to admit, it would be one hell of a Christmas
> present."
SERVO[as Chakotay]: But you are my present, anyway. So what's the point?
>
> Her mouth opened again at his audacity. "The *only* reason I am letting you
> get away with that comment is because you've recently had a concussion."
MIKE: Which you caused.
>
> "Which you caused..."
MIKE: ...
>
> "Be quiet."
MIKE: It wasn't me! Chakotay said it!
>
> "Yes Ma'am."
>
> Standing up, Kathryn bent over and tried to pull the material of her top
> from his bed, but it wouldn't buge. Whatever it was caught on, it wasn't
> moving any time soon.
CROW: No, that's not your top, it's the do not remove tag! Oops! Uh, oh!
Quick, staple it back on! Hurry!
>
> Chakotay apparently heard her exhertions. He pointed his left hand in the
> general direction of the closet. "There's a blanket in there. Use that."
>
SERVO: What, so she's gonna wear a blanket down the halls back to her room.
MIKE: Well, everyone's been crawling around in the Jeffries tubes and at the
party in
sickbay, so she'll be fine.
> "Oh. Thanks." Releasing her hold on the material, she advanced on the
> closet, trying to futily pull what was left of her top around her. Neelix
> was going to wonder just what had happened to the outfit...which reminded
> her. She had to think of a suitable punishment.
CROW[as Janeway]: I'll cook him in a cauldron of boiling water filled with
pharanas. No, I'll make escargot with margarine instead of butter right in
front of him. No cook could stand that.
>
> Reaching the closet, she opened it and looked at the blankets on the top
> shelf. There was a standard Starfleet-issue blanket, but next to it was a
> more traditional looking blanket. Clearly not Starfleet issue, it was brown
> in colour with figures of men and women covering it. She chose that one.
MIKE: But that's Chakotay's ceremonial bear skin.
>
> Wrapping it around herself, she looked back towards Chakotay. He hadn't
> moved, and was still lying where the bed had broken. She opened her mouth to
> tell him she'd see him at the party tonight when she heard him snore.
SERVO: He fell asleep in one minute?
MIKE: And while a half-naked woman was prancing around his room?
>
> Spotting the box Neelix had asked her to deliver, she considered picking it
> up but decided not to tempt fate. Instead she picked up the small piece of
> paper that had fallen from the box and read the words again. Clutching the
> paper in her left hand and holding the blanket closed with her right, she
> left his quarters. Despite her best attempts not to, she smiled.
CROW[as cheerful Janeway]: Oh, Neelix, you are such a goofy character.
>
> *
>
> By Kathryn's estimates, twenty per cent of the Voyager crew were already
> drunk by the time she arrived at the holodeck for the party.
MIKE: Did she change into a new uniform?
CROW: And what party?
SERVO: And did she kill Neelix yet?
> For the
> occasion the Sandrine's programme had been resurrected with a few festive
> touches here and there, the most obvious being a Christmas tree where the
> pool table used to be. The first distinctive words she heard upon entering
> were Tom's. He was complaining about the lack of a pool table.
SERVO: Then program one in somewhere else, sheesh!
> She had to
> say she agreed, even though the Christmas tree was beautiful.
>
CROW: And it contained all twenty-seven Hallmark Star Trek ornaments.
> A few crewmembers greeted her but most were enthralled with their own
> conversations. She didn't mind. It was good for her sometimes to just walk
> among her crew. Besides, there were only two crewmembers she was interested
> in finding tonight. One of them, she was sure, would be doing his best to
> avoid her.
MIKE: I'll go out on a limb here and say Ensign Kim.
SERVO: Why not Neelix?
MIKE: Oh, right. I forgot about him.
> She found the other crewmember on the opposite side of the tree,
> holding up Naomi so she could reach a candy cane from the top of the tree.
SERVO: She didn't want the ones on the bottom where she could reach. She just
had to get the one all the way on top.
>
> The young girls eager fingers wrapped around the piece of candy and pulled
> it from the branch it was hanging on, so Chakotay carefully lowered her to
> the ground.
MIKE: Where's Wildman? Isn't she supposed to be with Naomi?
SERVO: Chakotay and Wildman share custody.
CROW: No, Neelix and Wildman share custody.
SERVO: Fanboy!
CROW: Am not!
> As soon as her feet came into contact with the floor, she spun
> around and threw her arms around Chakotay as best she could.
>
> "Thank you Commander Chakotay!"
MIKE[as Naomi]: And what did you do with my mommy?
>
> "You're welcome Naomi. And Happy Christmas."
>
SERVO: MERRY Christmas!
> "You too!" she exclaimed before running off.
>
> Kathryn watched Chakotay smile at the young girl with a smile of her own.
>
> "Chakotay."
>
> He jerked his head around in surprise and his smile grew. "Captain! May I
> say you look lovely."
CROW[as Chakotay]: But couldn't you have changed out of that Native American
shawl? People are staring at you.
>
> She grinned, strangely not feeling embarrassed. "Yes you may, as long as I
> can return the compliment."
MIKE: But I can't because that huge blue bruise on your forehead isn't very
atractive.
>
> Chakotay shrugged easily. "Of course you can. Far be it from me to not
> accept a compliment from a superior officer."
>
> She rose an amused eyebrow at him.
SERVO[as Janeway]: Fascinating.
>
> If possible, his smile became even bigger. "I just remembered something!
> Excuse me for a moment."
CROW[as Chakotay]: I want to see how you'll look in my other blankets!
>
> She blinked at his sudden departure, but he soon returned holding two
> presents. They were both wrapped up, but one of them looked distinctly
> like...
>
> It was only then that she realised she hadn't received a present from
> anyone. Not even while doing the rounds for Neelix. She frowned.
MIKE: It took her three stories to notice that.
>
> "Excuse me, can I have your attention please!"
>
CROW: But who the attention is being given to is a mystery, so no one quiets
down.
> The conversations lowered to a dull murmur as they turned at the sound of
> Chakotay's voice. "Thank you. Now, we all know it's Christmas and I'm sure
> most of you have found your 'mystery presents' delivered by an anonymous
> source." They were low agreements and even some slight applause.
ALL[as crew]: We saw on the security monitors! Thanks, captain!
> Chakotay continued. "I have two presents here that are not in the least bit
> anonymous. All I can say is...they will be going to the people who most
> deserve them."
SERVO[as Chakotay]: Me and myself. Thank you!
> He cleared his throat. "Neelix?"
>
> Kathryn's head whipped around, trying to spot the Talaxian. Eventually he
> appeared behind the bar, apparently having been hiding under it.
CROW[as Neelix]: I...um...was just dusting under the top of the counter.
> Kathryn didn't move. She just stood there with her arms crossed over her
> chest and her glare set on 'death'.
MIKE: Now just set that phaser to death and we'll all be happy.
>
> Neelix didn't look at her at all, although from his expression he knew he
> was being watched.
SERVO: Of course, because *every single person in the room* has been called
to attention.
>
> "Umm...yes?" he asked Chakotay as he stood next to him.
>
> "These are for you." Chakotay told him, handing over the smaller of the
> presents. Tearing the paper from around the present, Neelix soon discovered
> that he had been given a pair of plastic safety goggles.
CROW: Why? In case he needs to wield celery?
>
> He stuttered in confusion. "But...what...why?"
>
> "Just put them on," Chakotay assured him. Neelix did as was suggested.
SERVO: And then DIED! HAHAHAHAHA!
>
> "And now, if the Captain can step forward..."
MIKE: ...and sock him in the face...
>
> Utterly bewildered, Kathryn stood at the other side of Chakotay who handed
> the remaining present to her. She eyed it carefully. "Is this what I think
> it is?"
SERVO: A gas mask for next year.
>
> "Not quite," he told her, barely contained humour evident in his eyes.
>
> Ripping off the paper in record time, she soon saw it was exactly what she
> thought it was. A compression phaser rifle. But it looked slightly
> different..."What have you done to it?"
MIKE[as Chakotay]: I broke it. I'm sorry. It's been on my mind since last
month
and I just had to tell you.
>
> His grin exploded onto his face with full force. "Tell me Captain...have you
> ever heard of something called...paint ball?"
>
SERVO: No! My favorite sport! Not here! Noooo!!!
MIKE: There there, Tom.
> An evil grin spread across her face in less than a nanosecond. "Oh you
> *haven't*..."
>
> But he had and proceeded to confirm it by speaking again. "Computer: open
> holodeck doors."
>
> They appeared immediately upon his command, and he stepped from between her
> and Neelix. "You are a hunter. He is your prey."
CROW: Hey, I'm starting to like this.
>
> Neelix stared at her with a mixture of fear and shock, eyes wide behind the
> safety goggles.
ALL: Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
>
> Never one to turn down a good opportunity for revenge, Kathryn pointed the
> rifle at Neelix, flicked off the safety, and said one word:
MIKE[as Janeway]: Fudgesicles.
>
> "Run."
>
> TBC
CROW: No! Just when it was getting interesting!
SERVO: At least it's over with.
MIKE: Come on, let's go.
[all exit the theater]
o...I...II...III...IV...V...VI...\
[SOL] Servo has gogles and an apron. Crow is dressed as Janeway, complete
with
muffin hair, holding a paint ball gun.
CROW: I'm finaly going to get my revenge.
SERVO: No! No!
CROW: Run.
[Servo panics and exits]
*Mads' sign*
CROW: TBC.
[VAN] Pearl and Observer are hidden by a huge map covering the winshield.
PEARL: No, we have to take this next exit.
OBSERVER: But if we do, we'll miss the turn here.
PEARL: Just great!
[The Van crashes and Pearl tears away the map.]
PEARL: What the hell? Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine!
[The Widowmaker has crashed into the deflector dish of the Enterprise-E.]
PEARL[voice-over]: Oh boy.
[fade out]
[Mighty Science Theater]
written by: Jim Whaley
"Zone Wars: Prelude" written by: Dan Slott
"The Starship Captain Neelix Claus Forgot" written by: Suz
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Observer: Bill Corbett
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Archie Comics did not grant permission to MiST "Zone Wars: Prelude".
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing.
based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
Best Brains, Inc.
Archie Comic Publications
Suz
All you people who love to laugh
e-mail tj...@aol.com for comments, etc.
c1999 by Jim Whaley
[stinger]
> The bed, not accustomed to such sudden application of so much weight, did
> something unusual. It broke.
This has been a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
-----------------
other episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
101: The Cartoons Combined
102: Off-Road Brawl
103: The Odyssey part 1: The Adventures of Odysseus
104: The New Season
201: Total Turbulence
202: The Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatch
203: Are You Ready to Get $40,000 in 6 Weeks with Only 8 Bucks???!!
204: Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle!
205: The Seminar
206: Inside the Void: King Acorn's Plight
207: The Neelix Claus Series part 1: The Neelix Claus
208: The Neelix Claus Series part 2: Merry Christmas Mr. Chakotay
299: The MiSTing Authors' Own Fanfics Reviewed
301: The Neelix Claus Series part 3: The Starship Captain that Neelix Claus
Forgot
All can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine,
located at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k
Jim, that Mistie
(#90212)
Quick! Someone snail-mail TBS! We've got a show to save!
Only 13 episodes left.