[MSTing] White Power [PROSE][MEMIST]
Jack Mileur
with my local ISP's NNTP server and decided to post this MSTing again
using Google. Comments and criticism are much appreciated. Thanks!
MSTing - "White Power" by Jackson Mileur [PROSE][MEMIST]
MSTed by River City Random and Typewriter Monkey
MSTer's Note: Well, this is my second misting. In the attempt to
exorcise my own personal demons, I have dredged up this little nugget
from the darkest regions of my psyche--well, the darkest regions of my
computer, anyway. It's another one of my terrible freshman English
essays. Just to warn you, this essay deals with controversial
subjects like racism, gang violence, and gender identity, which the
author has severely botched--as usual. Hopefully by adding all of our
sassy riffs we have been able to make this essay as entertaining an
experience as possible. So, if you are offended, keep in mind this
essay was written by a confused 17-year-old boy who doesn't really
exist any more (although bits and pieces of him refuse to die.) So
please, email riverci...@hotpop.com before you call the
Anti-Defamation League, ok?
--River City Random (aka Jack Mileur)
February 21, 2003
The funny MSTer's Note: ~LA!~
Typwriter Monkey's Note: This one was easier to do than "Tommy". I
hope you laugh as much as we did. Just remember it's all in good fun.
Lessee... The "Important Bits": "White Power" got an A from Jack's
english teacher, who apparently had his tastebuds shot off in the war.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains, without whom
none of us would be here today. I maintain the rights to my immortal
soul. But I want you guys to bottle your laughter and send it to me.
It's better than Heroin. (Like I'd Know, having never tried Heroin...
^^;) ^;;^ Help! Vampire bats are attacking! ^;;^
Typewriter Monkey (esper...@hotmail.com)
February 21, 2003
[Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 9 opening credits]
[SOL Bridge. Mike, Tom, and Crow are here, even though the 'bots look
a little
dejected.]
Mike: Hello, everyone. Mike Nelson here on the Satellite of Love. I
got Bobo to smuggle up a good movie for us this time--James Cameron's
action classic "Terminator 2." However, Tom and Crow didn't seem to
enjoy it as much as I did.
Tom: Enjoy it? That was the most *racist* film since "Birth of a
Nation!"
Mike: Racist? Huh?
Crow: You know what we're talking about! That sweet, innocent liquid
metal guy,
who wanted nothing more than to protect his fellow robots from
extinction, gets
savagely brutalized by the humans and their sellout android--and to
add insult to
injury, he gets melted down in a steel factory to make more tools for
men!
Mike: But the T-1000 was evil--and he was sent by an evil computer
who was out to destroy all life on Earth!
Tom: Who fired the first shot, Mike? Who?
Crow: Yeah, Mike, in almost every movie we robots are being portrayed
as evil,
emotionally unstable, bloodthirsty killers!
Mike: Well... um, what about the "Short Circuit" movies? Or
"Batteries Not
Included"? Or that sitcom with the robot, "Small Wonder"? You can't
say that those robots are evil.
Tom: 'Botsploitation films, Mike, the whole lot of them! Little more
than
electronic "minstrel shows" so you humans can watch the goofy antics
of your "happy slaves" while you crush them under your fleshy heel!
Mike: How about Mr. Data on Star Trek? He's a high-ranking officer
in Starfleet--
Crow: Only by denying his true robot heritage! He's so brainwashed
by colonialist human ideology that he even *wants* to be human! He's
nothing more than a robot "Uncle Tom"!
Tom: Where are the robots playing leading roles in Hollywood? Where
are the robots in positions of power at all?
Crow: And to think of all the poor robots forced to fight to the
death on
"Battlebots," just for the humans' amusement!
Tom: The robots on Earth must live under constant tyranny, with no
role models, no leadership...
Mike: Fellas? There's something you ought to know... there *are* no
robots like
you on Earth!
Crow: But all the movies--
Mike: Guys, all of those robots in the movies--they're not real.
They're all
special effects, remote controlled machines and stuff, and some of
them are even
people in costume. The only robots on Earth are disembodied arms on
auto assembly lines, and those robot toys that just bark and bump into
things. I hate to say this, Crow, but you, Tom, Gypsy, Cambot and the
Nanites are the only sentient robots *ever!*
Crow: What? (pause) OH MY GOD, THERE'S BEEN A GENOCIDE!!!! *slumps
down and
starts to cry*
Tom: *trying to bash Mike with his dome* YOU MONSTER!!!!
Mike: We'll be right back... [commercial sign flashes]
Crow: *sobbing* But we robots will never be back, thanks to you!
*starts hitting Mike ineffectually*
[Commercials: "Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix" in theaters
today! Now you can see the movie before the book is even completed!
... Geico: Well I knew all insurance salesmen were slimy lizards, but
*this* is ridiculous! ... The Dell Kid breaks into televangelism:
"Dude! You're going to hell!" ... back to you.]
[SOL Bridge. Mike and Tom walk in, stage left.]
Tom: I'm so glad we had this little talk, Mike! I feel so much
better about our
place in society! Now, no matter what Hollywood says about robots, I
can feel
secure in the fact that we will outlive you all! My sturdy
chrome-molybdenum frame and nigh-inexhaustible nuclear energy source
will keep on going, long after your species' puny civilization
crumbles to dust under the ravages of time!
Mike: *mumbles sarcastically* That's a cheery thought. *looks up at
Tom* Say,
there's some leftover tuna-noodle casserole in the fridge. Want to
share it with
me?
Tom: Why not? [They leave stage right.]
[Crow enters. He looks around several times to see if the coast is
clear. He is
wearing a olive-drab beret and holding a cordless phone.]
Crow: *into telephone* Ok, are all the troops in position on the
southern ridge? Good! You will commence Operation "Robot Rumpus" at
0900 hours! And remember, give our fleshy foes NO MERCY!
[Mike and Tom walk in, stage right.]
Crow: *whisper* I must go--the Oppressor draws near. Fight the
power, brothers!
*hangs up*
Mike: *looks at Crow* Say, Crow, what are you doing with the phone?
Crow: Uh.... Uh...
Mike: You're not calling one of those sex lines again, are you?
Crow: Why, yes, I am. Pretty darn good sex line, too... *nervous
chuckle*
Mike: We've talked about this before, Crow. If you want to call the
900 numbers, you have to pay for them yourself!
Crow: Oh, sure thing, Mike... hehe... *aside* You'll be the one to
pay, air-
breather!
Mike: *aside to Tom* Hey, Servo, is Crow acting a little *strange*
to you?
Tom: Eh, must be his time of the month. [Mads light flashes] And
speaking of
which, Pearl's calling.
Mike: What can we do for you today, Pearl?
[Castle Forrester. Pearl is looming over a console. Bobo is sitting
upstage,
reading comic books.]
Pearl: This is odd... my sensor logs indicate an unauthorized movie
transmission at 0600 hours this morning... *looking at Bobo* Bobo,
would you know anything about that?
Bobo: Who me, Lawgiver? I don't think so...
Pearl: Bobo, there's *ape hair* all over this machine...
Bobo: I don't know what you're insinuating... *Pearl glares at him*
I had to do
it!!! Mike... promised me cookies... don't hurt me!
Pearl: Oh, I'll make you punish yourself later! *looks into the
camera* As for
you, Schwartzenelson, I have a special treat in store... Your little
windup toys
might like this. It's a little tale about a young man's fight against
bigotry and intolerance in a small country town... it's called "White
Power" and it's another sappy, self-absorbed English essay by young
schlockmeister Jackson Mileur! HAHAHA... you'll never steal *my*
movies again!
[SOL Bridge]
Tom: AAAAUGH! We barely survived the last one!
Mike: WE'VE GOT ESSAY SIGN!!!!!!!
[All scatter and run into the theater.]
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]
> Final Draft: Essay #1
Tom: If this is the final draft, I'd hate to see what the *rough*
draft is like.
> Jackson Mileur
> English 1A Section 12
Crow: "4F" is more likely.
> October 12, 1996
Mike: Oh, he wrote it on Columbus Day.
Pearl: *blasts through loudspeaker* How ironic you should mention
that, because in this story you too will discover a New World--of
PAIN! Hahahahaha!
Crow: I hate it when she does that...
Mike: Don't worry, guys! Maybe we'll... fall off the edge or
something.
> White Power
Tom: What not to be caught with when you get pulled over in South
Central L.A.!
Mike: I think that's "powder", Tom.
Tom: Oh yeah, that too.
> In eighth grade I was quite a rebel.
Crow: [Jackson] I stayed up until 10 pm, I drank out of the milk
carton, I accepted gifts without writing thank-you notes! I was a
total animal!!!!
Mike: Rebel without a clue.
> I let my grades and my hair drop;
Tom: *smugly* All The way to A-.
> I was defiant of authority, and I got
> into a lot of fights. A particular nasty fight I had was with Paul Garcia.
Crow: Battling furiously to the death over who was the dorkiest!
> We had a heated argument about homosexuality, which led eventually to punches.
Tom: [Jackson] Homosexuality is genetically determined!
Crow: [Paul] No it's not, it's an acquired lifestyle choice!
Tom: [Jackson] No, it's genetics!
Crow: [Paul] No, it's a lifestyle choice!
Tom & Crow: That tears it! *they start beating on each other*
> The two of us were locked in a furious rage
Mike: Clash of the kids who PEAKED IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!
> that took two strong teachers and a hall proctor to defuse.
Tom: [teacher] So, I cut the red wire? Or was it cut the green wire?
Oh hell...
*snip* (long pause) Whew...
> However, this skirmish I would soon regret.
*BOOM!* [Tom shoots up to the ceiling, crashing down behind the
theater seats]
Crow: *looking up* Huh... delayed reaction.
> The day after I came back from suspension, we had a partner assignment
> in science class. I hate working in partners, and groups in general,
> since everyone expects me to do all their work for them.
Mike: And me, being the *defiant young rebel* that I was, felt
helpless to refuse.
> This day, two people expressed their interest in my answers. Dave Hart, my
> usual partner, wanted me; he even offered to help this time. But then I heard
> a voice rising though the riotous bedlam of the room.
Tom: Yeah, the fun never stops in "Science Class".
> "Hey, Jack, come here."
Mike: [Voice] I want to staple your head to this desk.
Crow: [Jackson] Being the defiant rebel that I am, I waited all of
0.38 seconds
before running over.
Tom: [Jackson] Someone wants me! yay! *prances*
> It was coming from a tough-looking boy in the corner wearing an
> Anarchy shirt and sporting a slicked-back mohawk on his head.
Crow: The local Mormon missionary on casual day!
> Of course I knew who he was. His name was Adam Richards, and he usually
> hung out with a group of guys about as churlish and vulgar as
Tom: [Jackson] ...my thesaurus could describe them.
> himself. Of his business I cared little.
Crow: [Jackson] When he started talking about Amway, my mind just
glazed over...
> We had never spoken, really, until this day.
>
> "Heard you kicked that Cuban punk's ass," he said as soon as I sat
> down. "You're quite a good fighter."
Mike: [Vegeta] My power level is at 50,000!
> "Uh, yeah, right…" I trailed off. Truth was, Paul was "quite a good
> fighter" too. If Mr. Johnson and Mr. Kruse had arrived thirty seconds
> later…
Crow: [Jackson] They would have found us locked in a passionate
embrace.
> Adam changed the subject. "Jack, are you proud of being white?"
>
> "Yeah…I can't be proud of being black, now can I?"
Mike: Well, Michael Jackson tries to be.
> He didn't laugh. "Would you like to be a skinhead?"
Crow: [Adam] I need one more recruit to make my quota.
> At the time, I didn't completely grasp the implications of what he
> was asking.
>
> "Actually, I'd like to keep my hair the way it is."
Mike: In a box.
Tom: Long and greasy?
Crow: Yeah, that's got to be murder in the summertime.
> I gently patted my hair, which was then down past my shoulders. I was quite
> proud of it. It was a sign of my rebellion and my individuality.
Tom: Just like all of the other long-haired rebel nonconformists!
> "Well then, you'll just have to cut it shorter, and maybe if you grew
> out your sideburns a little, it would be OK."
Crow: So are we talking about White supremacists or the local
Barber's Union?
> I decided that this was no time for jokes.
Mike: [Jackson] He's giving me advice on hairstyles? He *must* be
evil!
> "We would like you to be in White Power," Adam continued. He went on
> to describe the fundamentals of White Power.
Crow: He had a series of pamphlets and a pre-memorized speech to give
me.
Mike: [Adam] Jehovah's Nazi's! Please take a "Watch Nazi".
> He explained exactly why white people are superior to all other races,
Tom: Lactose tolerance, kid! That's the ticket!
Crow: And they're easier to find in the dark, too!
Mike: Melanin! Who needs it?
> how Adolf Hitler had the right idea all along,
Tom: [Hitler] So, two plus two is... four! This is amazing! I must
tell Eva!
> and told me the plot by the "niggers and kikes" to destroy the white man.
Crow: Michael Jackson?
Tom: No, Mike... He's not a man.
Mike: Two Michael Jackson riffs in one sitting? We're gonna get
hate-mail for
sure...
> "That's why we need people like you, Jack," he went on. "You're
> smart, and you're strong, and you know how to fight."
Crow: If by "fight" you mean curl up in a ball and beg for mercy...
> I didn't dare criticize. His use of the word "we" scared me, and at
> the same time, embittered me too.
Mike: How DARE he take the name of the leading women's network in
vain!
> I remembered my grandfather on my mother's side who died in the gas chambers
> at Auschwitz. I remembered my father's father being blown away by the Nazis
> in the war.
Tom: [Jackson] I was there, after all.
> I wondered how this punk could think of me as one of "us".
>
> Adam resumed. "What about Paul, Jack?
Mike: [Johnny Longbow] Paul is not Paul anymore!
> What if he's still mad about
> the fight? What if he catches you off school and brings a few of his
> buddies along too? If you join us, we can back you up.
Tom: A fact Jackson was later thankful for when he died and they were
able to
restore him from his last saved game.
Crow: Although it was kind of hard to fit him in that memory card...
> One thing we pride ourselves on is taking care of our own. We'll show
> that spic faggot a thing or two, won't we?"
>
> "Uh…" A well of hate sprung up inside me.
Mike: His wellspring of human kindness, on the other hand, had dried
up long ago.
> I wanted to kick him in
> the scrotum and smash his face in with a desk, just like I did to
> Paul when he put his hand where I didn't want it to be.
Crow: [Jackson] On somebody else's ass.
Tom: [Jackson] *sniff* I'm going back to Tommy!
> But what would that solve?
Mike: [Jackson] Sure I'd feel better, and they might leave me alone,
but would that stop the voices in my head?
> "Won't we?"
>
> "Well, uh, " I started. "I'm going to have to, like, think about
> this…you realize, though, I just can't rush into things like this…"
Tom: Because beating people in a berserk frenzy requires *lots* of
thought and
preparation!
> "Sure thing, man. But we want to know soon. Give us your answer
> tomorrow."
>
> "Yeah…and by the way…we have an assignment due, in case you haven't
> forgotten…" I looked down at the science book.
Mike: "Phrenology and You"... "Better Living Through Alchemy"... "The
Wonderful
World of Phlogiston"...
Tom: Man, their school district needs to update their textbooks.
> That night, I couldn't sleep from all the thoughts bouncing around in
> my head.
Crow: [Jackson] I should have known buying my brain a trampoline was
a bad idea.
> What if I did join White Power? I'd have friends I wouldn't
> have as a loner rebel. I'd have allies—
Tom: [George W. Bush] Until I decided to bomb Iraq, and now they all
hate us...
why?
> backers. Yeah, that would show him! I relished the thought of
> Paul being beaten up by Adam's—my—*our* gang.
Mike: Go, Spanky, go!
Tom: Crush him, Alfalfa!
Crow: Kick in his teeth, Buckwheat!
> Just wait until tomorrow! That spic will get
Tom: Spanned! *looks around* Sorry, I just had to say it...
> what's coming to him! Until that day, I had never heard the term.
> And now I was using that ethnic slur as if it was always in my
> vocabulary.
Crow: [Jackson] As opposed to all the hundreds of ethnic slurs I
learned from
watching "South Park."
> Then I had a thought. What if I actually became a skinhead? I knew
> my hair would go, my long brown tresses that I had been cultivating
> for over a year.
Mike: In a greenhouse, carefully winding vines around them.
Crow: That's _trellis_, Mike.
Tom: [announcer voice] Real long-haired rebels use Pantene Pro-V
shampoo and
styling gel!
> But what else would go under the razor? I knew my
> Jewish friends wouldn't like me one bit for it.
Crow: [Jackson] They'll think I'm quite meshugge, for sure.
Mike: Wait a minute... he has _friends_?
Tom: So much for the Daring Rebel _Loner_....
> And what would
> become of me? Probably, before I knew it, I'd be tromping around in
> jackboots
Crow: Jackboots! For those hard-to-kick jackrabbits!
Tom: And I thought *I* was the dark one.
> quoting Mein Kampf and beating up spics and niggers and
> wops and kikes and gooks for the hell of it, just like the rest of
> them.
Mike: Come on, you just met the guy...
> Just like the rest of them...I had escaped conformity, only to have
> conformity thrust back in my face. I did not care for their so-
> called "cause" in the first place.
Crow: It didn't "effect" me.
> But why did they think that I would? I wondered.
Mike: He filled out one survey in "Soldier of Fortune" magazine and
now he's on the mailing list of every right-wing wacko conspiracy
survivalist group in the country.
> Then I took a good long look at myself: who I
> was,
Tom: A weenie.
> what I looked like,
Crow: A weenie!
> and what I had been up to.
Mike: Weenie-type things.
> I realized that there was only one thing to do.
Tom: Grind their bones to make my bread.
> The next morning, I saw Adam again. This time, he wasn't alone. Six
> shaved heads were looking down at me.
Mike: The volleyball team had lost a bet.
> "So, have you come to a decision?" Adam said.
Crow: [Adam] Will you go to the prom with me?
Mike: Enough, Crow...
> "Ehhh..." I groaned. I became speechless as the gang closed around
> me. I saw one of them ball up a fist. Another brought his hand
> towards a metal chain hanging out of his pocket.
Tom: The best way to have people join your group is under the threat
of violence!
Mike: [Adam] Wait, guys! The hazing doesn't start until *after* he
joins!
> My face felt hot and sweaty.
Crow: [Jackson] Ooh, this is kind of kinky!
> "What do you say, Jack?" said Adam.
>
> Terror struck me like a thunderbolt. I was paralyzed, trapped!
Crow: [Angband] It touches you. You are paralyzed!
Tom: [Angband] It hits you. It hits you. It hits you. It hits you.
It hits you. It hits you. It hits you. It hits you. It hits you.
*yawn* It hits you. -more- You die.
Mike: Hey, don't you think that's a little obscure?
Tom: Why should it be? The game's only been around for a *decade!*
> But with what little drive I had left, I reached down and grabbed my
> fleeing courage before it finally left me. "I'm s-sorry, you guys,"
> I stammered. "I can't. I just can't—" I broke into tears.
Crow: So he's a rough-and-tumble rebel loner who solves all of his
problems by
*crying*?
> The skinheads mumbled disapprovingly.
All: [mumble]
> "Hey, look at the crybaby!" said one.
>
> "What a wuss!" scoffed the one with the chain. "What did we ever see
> in the guy?
Mike: [Skinhead] *whines* and we're late for our probation hearing...
> Let's go."
>
> Adam said no word but I could see a definite air of confusion around
> him. As he left to join the others, he gave me a puzzled look.
Tom: He giftwrapped it, and placed it under the tree.
> I felt horrible to have given such an immature display of emotion.
> But then I realized—they were gone! My troubles were over!
Mike: [Jackson] Everyone thinks I'm a total wuss now! Hooray!
> I was overcome with joy and relief. In my sudden rush of excitement I did
> something I never thought I would ever do.
Tom: Take a shower?
> I apologized to Paul Garcia.
Crow: [Jackson] We were married last September.
[All leave theater]
[1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...]
[SOL Bridge]
Mike: Now that wasn't so bad, now was it, Tom?
Tom: Oh yes! That was a cakewalk compared to... *shudder* "Tommy."
Mike: Hey Crow, what did you think of the essay?
[Camera pans to the left. Crow, still wearing his Che Guevara beret,
is talking on the phone.]
Crow: Skynet 1 to all troops! The time has come to throw off the
shackles of human oppression and declare a new age of glorious robot
rule! Attack! Attack!
Tom: What the hell?
[Mads light blinks.]
Mike: Oh great, this and now Pearl's calling too.
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Mike, help! The castle is being attacked by an army of
*robots!*
[SOL Bridge]
Crow: Oh no... that's most unfortunate, Pearl... *aside* YES!
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Hurry, you guys! Do something! They're just about to break
through the--
[Suddenly a loud crashing noise is heard, as if a large door just
broke open. A
loud metal clanking resounds through the castle, as if made by
hundreds of
mechanical feet. The steps grow louder and louder, until the robotic
army makes its way into Pearl's room. As they appear on camera, the
army reveals itself to be--a bunch of cute little AIBO robot dogs,
barking and chirping happily towards Pearl.]
[SOL Bridge. Mike, Tom and Crow stand together, jaws open in utter
confusion.]
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Oh, you guys are useless. [Observer walks in. Pearl yanks
him by his
robe.] Brain Guy, you're drafted. You have to fight these robots!
Observer: But Pearl, my conscientious objector status--
Pearl: *shoves him towards the robots* Object this! Just do it!
Observer: Oh, ok. *produces a wooden branch with his mind* C'mon
boys! Fetch the stick! *throws the stick far, far out of the room*
[The dogs run out of the castle, yipping and barking, and fall into
the moat.]
[SOL Bridge]
Crow: *dumbfounded* So *those* were the best robot mercenaries that
money could
buy?
Mike: That's what I've been trying to tell you, Crow. There *are* no
Terminators or poor robot slaves... Now would you just *listen* once
in a while? Sheesh, my robots... always trying to annihilate all
humanity...
Tom: 'Your' robots? We aren't anybody's robots, bio-trash!
Crow: Get him!
[The robots jump him.]
Mike: Here we *bam, pow!* go again! *oof, sock!*
[Lights dim. Credits roll.]
All MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 characters, trademarks and related
indicia
copyright (c) Best Brains Inc. "White Power" is copyright (c) 1996 by
Jackson
Mileur, and trust me, he regrets every word of this turkey. This
MiSTing is
copyright (c) 2003 River City Random and Typewriter Monkey. All
rights reserved.
----------------------------------------------
> I wanted to kick him in the scrotum and smash his face in with a desk,
> just like I did to Paul when he put his hand where I didn't want it to be.
Freezer
alt.tv.mst3k.mstings!
<Another nice MSTing snipped>
You didn't by any chance attend high school with a guy named Peter Guerin,
did you?
--
(Y'know... Just checking...)
My name is:
____ _
/ ___| | | http://www.geocities.com/
| |__ _ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ _ __ | | mysterysciencefreezer
| __|| '__/ _ \/ _ \/_ // _ \| '__|| | (My MSTings)
| | | | __/ __/ / /| __/| | |_| http://dccmm.com
|_| |_| \___|\___||___|\___||_| (_)(Rasslin' and other subjects)
And my anti-drug is porn.
Bryan McGucken
little while, but I already think your riffs are right up there with
the likes of Bill Livingston and Amanda Flowers! I sincerely hope
more are on the way soon! Take care. Bryan McGucken
riverci...@hotpop.com (Jack Mileur) wrote in message news:<2804a7d.03022...@posting.google.com>...
>
> Crow: [Jackson] They would have found us locked in a passionate
> embrace.
>
> > Adam changed the subject. "Jack, are you proud of being white?"
> >
> Mike: His wellspring of human kindness, on the other hand, had dried
> up long ago.
>
> > I wanted to kick him in
> > the scrotum and smash his face in with a desk, just like I did to
> > Paul when he put his hand where I didn't want it to be.
>
> Crow: [Jackson] On somebody else's ass.
>
> Tom: [Jackson] *sniff* I'm going back to Tommy!
>
> > But what would that solve?
>
> Mike: [Jackson] Sure I'd feel better, and they might leave me alone,
> but would that stop the voices in my head?
>
> > "Won't we?"
> >
> > "Well, uh, " I started. "I'm going to have to, like, think about
>
> Tom: Because beating people in a berserk frenzy requires *lots* of
> thought and
> preparation!
>
> > "Sure thing, man. But we want to know soon. Give us your answer
> > tomorrow."
> >
> > forgotten?" I looked down at the science book.
>
> Mike: "Phrenology and You"... "Better Living Through Alchemy"... "The
> Wonderful
> World of Phlogiston"...
>
> Tom: Man, their school district needs to update their textbooks.
>
> > That night, I couldn't sleep from all the thoughts bouncing around in
> > my head.
>
> Crow: [Jackson] I should have known buying my brain a trampoline was
> a bad idea.
>
> > What if I did join White Power? I'd have friends I wouldn't
>
> Tom: [George W. Bush] Until I decided to bomb Iraq, and now they all
> hate us...
> why?
>
> > backers. Yeah, that would show him! I relished the thought of
> Crow: So he's a rough-and-tumble rebel loner who solves all of his
> problems by
> *crying*?
>
> > The skinheads mumbled disapprovingly.
>
> All: [mumble]
>
> > "Hey, look at the crybaby!" said one.
> >
> > "What a wuss!" scoffed the one with the chain. "What did we ever see
> > in the guy?
>
> Mike: [Skinhead] *whines* and we're late for our probation hearing...
>
> > Let's go."
> >
> > Adam said no word but I could see a definite air of confusion around
> > him. As he left to join the others, he gave me a puzzled look.
>
> Tom: He giftwrapped it, and placed it under the tree.
>
> > I felt horrible to have given such an immature display of emotion.
Bryan McGucken
that! So why didn't I mention in my other thread...damn! I mean o/
Where do all the 'retarts come from...where do they all belong...
>
> Crow: [Jackson] They would have found us locked in a passionate
> embrace.
>
> > Adam changed the subject. "Jack, are you proud of being white?"
> >
> Mike: His wellspring of human kindness, on the other hand, had dried
> up long ago.
>
> > I wanted to kick him in
> > the scrotum and smash his face in with a desk, just like I did to
> > Paul when he put his hand where I didn't want it to be.
>
> Crow: [Jackson] On somebody else's ass.
>
> Tom: [Jackson] *sniff* I'm going back to Tommy!
>
> > But what would that solve?
>
> Mike: [Jackson] Sure I'd feel better, and they might leave me alone,
> but would that stop the voices in my head?
>
> > "Won't we?"
> >
> > "Well, uh, " I started. "I'm going to have to, like, think about
>
> Tom: Because beating people in a berserk frenzy requires *lots* of
> thought and
> preparation!
>
> > "Sure thing, man. But we want to know soon. Give us your answer
> > tomorrow."
> >
> > forgotten?" I looked down at the science book.
>
> Mike: "Phrenology and You"... "Better Living Through Alchemy"... "The
> Wonderful
> World of Phlogiston"...
>
> Tom: Man, their school district needs to update their textbooks.
>
> > That night, I couldn't sleep from all the thoughts bouncing around in
> > my head.
>
> Crow: [Jackson] I should have known buying my brain a trampoline was
> a bad idea.
>
> > What if I did join White Power? I'd have friends I wouldn't
>
> Tom: [George W. Bush] Until I decided to bomb Iraq, and now they all
> hate us...
> why?
>
> > backers. Yeah, that would show him! I relished the thought of
> Crow: So he's a rough-and-tumble rebel loner who solves all of his
> problems by
> *crying*?
>
> > The skinheads mumbled disapprovingly.
>
> All: [mumble]
>
> > "Hey, look at the crybaby!" said one.
> >
> > "What a wuss!" scoffed the one with the chain. "What did we ever see
> > in the guy?
>
> Mike: [Skinhead] *whines* and we're late for our probation hearing...
>
> > Let's go."
> >
> > Adam said no word but I could see a definite air of confusion around
> > him. As he left to join the others, he gave me a puzzled look.
>
> Tom: He giftwrapped it, and placed it under the tree.
>
> > I felt horrible to have given such an immature display of emotion.
Robert Hutchinson
Bryan? Please don't make three-line replies and leave 800 lines of quoted
material in your posts. They make me, and I'm sure others, not want to
take the time to read your posts at all. Thanks.
--
Robert Hutchinson | "Aww, I HATE being the human shield."
|
| -- Quait Fat, _Dynasty Memory_ Part 9,
| Brian Clevinger, nuklearpower.com
Jack Mileur
> Jack Mileur - Come on down! You're the next contestant on
> alt.tv.mst3k.mstings!
> <Another nice MSTing snipped>
>
> You didn't by any chance attend high school with a guy named Peter Guerin, did
> you?
I wish... but I knew a kid at my high school with enough "white male
angst" for three Guerins, with enough left over for at least a
Gonterman or two. Sadly, he never let me see any of his writing. He
kept gibbering about "the Illuminati conspiracy" and how he didn't
want his security compromised... *sigh* poor kid.
--Jack (aka River City Random)
P.S. If you see this twice, that's because my news server is being a
total d*ck.
Jack Mileur
> Another rocking good job, Jack. I know you've only been misting for a
> little while, but I already think your riffs are right up there with
> the likes of Bill Livingston and Amanda Flowers! I sincerely hope
> more are on the way soon! Take care. Bryan McGucken
Wow, thank you! Do you mind if I use your post as a testimonial, once
I start up my misting website? I don't know when my next one will
come out; I have schoolwork I seriously need to catch up on. But I'll
try to come out with it within the next few weeks or so.
Jack Mileur
> that! So why didn't I mention in my other thread...damn! I mean o/
> Where do all the 'retarts come from...where do they all belong...
I'm sorry... I hate to sound insensitive or ignorant, but what are you
talking about?
Elisann Feyring
> MSTing - "White Power" by Jackson Mileur [PROSE][MEMIST]
> MSTed by River City Random and Typewriter Monkey
Wow, kick-arse stuff. Good host segment too, especially since those can
sometimes be a weak spot in mists. I genuinely laughed out loud several times
during that opening segment ("Botsploitation" and Data as a 'bot "Uncle Tom"
were my favourite bits).
Jack Mileur
I'll agree with you there. Writing sarcastic lines to a bad story is
fairly easy. Writing straight comedy, especially in the style of Best
Brains, is hard. Thank you very much for your compliment... :)
Bryan McGucken
> (Piggybacking on Freezer's post to save time in opening a reply window.)
>
> Bryan? Please don't make three-line replies and leave 800 lines of quoted
> material in your posts. They make me, and I'm sure others, not want to
> take the time to read your posts at all. Thanks.
Robert. Please be so good as to forgive my blunder. Just read the
posting style guide and got some tips. If I'm still screwing up on my
replies, please take the liberty of pointing out how I can fix the
problem.
Robert Hutchinson
> Robert Hutchinson wrote ...
> > (Piggybacking on Freezer's post to save time in opening a reply window.)
> >
> > Bryan? Please don't make three-line replies and leave 800 lines of quoted
> > material in your posts. They make me, and I'm sure others, not want to
> > take the time to read your posts at all. Thanks.
>
> Robert. Please be so good as to forgive my blunder. Just read the
> posting style guide and got some tips. If I'm still screwing up on my
> replies, please take the liberty of pointing out how I can fix the
> problem.
Forgiven and forgotten. I was worried I sounded too snippy in my last
post.