MiSTed: KTEH TV & Staff
KenWMcC55
-CDM
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>Subject: KTEH TV
Crow: Any relation to KTMA?
> & Staff - Witches, Wizards, New Age Garbage
Tom: I thought Garbage was an alternative band.
Crow: Alternative to what?
Tom: The usual garbage.
>From: purp...@aol.com
Mike: The yellow dip, only with purple additives.
>Date: 5 Dec 1996 15:54:19 GMT
Tom: Great Malarky Time.
>Message-ID: <19961205155...@ladder01.news.aol.com>
>
> This article concerns the overwhelming interest and excitement
> at KTEH TV (San Jose, CA) concerning programming that deals
> with
Crow: The Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee tapes!
> the elevation of the Witch,
Mike: The lion and the wardrobe, only jumbled up.
> the Wizard, Merlin, King
Arthur,
> and other New Age Godless Garbage.
Tom: Enya, Yanni, John Tesh...
Crow: Since when was Arthurian legend New Age?
Mike: Since the IQ ratio on alt.conspiracy dropped.
Tom: Like it was ever up?
> Deepak speaks:
Tom: Deepak Chopra?
> What method or tactic does Lucifer employ to arouse in men
(all cough and hum quietly)
>> such a heightened sense of false pride? He imparts to them
>> an outrageous lie.
Mike: AOL really is getting better!
> The Adversary whispers in their itching
> ears: "Ye are gods!"
Tom: Better call the X-Men, the Adversary's back!
> "You are divine beings," he tells them, and they listen with
> glee and an escalating mood of excitement.
Mike: Does this mean when I'm god, everyone dies?
> Satan
further
> explains to these men that they are the keepers of a great,
> occult Secret Doctrine.
Tom: Advance copies of the latest Marilyn Manson album.
> "This is the gnosis, or hidden knowledge," he says, "of which
> the profane and infantile masses know nothing. It is based
> on ancient wisdom
Crow: MAKE MONEY FAST.
> - which has been preserved for eons by my
Tom: Many online archives.
Crow: Available at http://www.666doyoureallybelievethiscrap.com.
> legions of dark angels and by the Brotherhood. Now it is
> yours."
Mike: With our two week guarantee. If you aren't spouting blasphemous heresies
in two weeks, we'll double your money back!
> "You are giants of intellect," he soothingly assures
> them, "men of higher consciousness.
Mike: And of lower credulity.
> You are the
illustrious and
> all powerful 'New Man'.
Crow: Hello...New Man.
> Adolf Hitler fancied himself one of these 'New Men'. He read
> the occult classic volume,
Tom: Howard Stern's Private Parts.
> "The Secret Doctrine", by Blavatsky
> in its entirety at least four times
Crow: And in half its entirety on a really short trip to his orthodontist.
> and kept it on a stand
> beside his bed.
Mike: Along with his Tickle Me Mussolini.
> "Only through the release of his own potential divinity
> does the initiate become qualified to comprehend the
> Great Arcanum...
Mike: Really? All I do is go down to the local comic store and look
in the Image section.
> The Secret Doctrine affirms the existence
> of a primitive knowledge perpetuated from age to age and
> race to race by institutions of illumined thinkers...
Tom: Such as Rush Limbaugh, Don Imus, McElwaine...
> In The Secret Doctrine the sanctuaries of the ancient
> Mysteries are made to give up many of their most precious
> secrets"
Crow: Admit it! You liked Independence Day!
> What Manly P. Hall
Mike: That's *MANLY* P. Hall!
> is referring to is the strange encyclopedia
> of
Tom: The latest theories on the popularity of Hanson.
> occult philosophy put together by the Russian mystic and
> co-Mason Helena P. Blavatsky in the late 19th century, a
>> book which she entitled "The Secret Doctrine". Mrs. Blavatsky
>> claimed that the contents of the book were given to her by
Tom: Allister Crowley after an all night orgy.
> certain "masters".
Mike: Master Bruce, Master Phillip, and the Master.
> In humanism / New Age philosophies, man has become god
> 1) through an evolutionary process,
Crow: Revealed in Darwin's little known book, "We're the god's, we're the
god's!"
> 2) by mastering the forces inherent in nature or the cosmos
Tom: And 3) by wishing really hard.
> This was the "supermen" of Nietzsche and Hitler.
Mike: And Siegel and Shuster.
> It is only within the past 25 years, however, that this obsession
> has become the popular religion of the masses.
Tom: Oh yeah, just the other day I heard Pat Robertson chanting to Cerridwen.
> Historian Herbert Schlossberg has said:
>
> "Exalting humankind to the status of deity, therefore dates from
> the furthest reaches of antiquity, but its development into an
> ideology embracing the masses is a characteristic trait of
> modernity."
All: Huh?
> According to Illuminati legend, King Arthur (in reality a type
> of Antichrist)
Mike: Found out after the knights shaved Arthur's head as a prank.
> will draw around him the bravest and noblest
> knights in the realm. They and their monarch will comprise
> the 'Circle of the Round Table'. In Great Britain today,
> certain members of the Illuminati, including Prince Charles
> and Prince Philip,
Mike: But daddy, I don't want to join the Illuminati!
> take part in rituals and symbols of an odd
> secret society called the 'Order of the Garter'.
(all snicker)
> This
Order,
> with its ceremonial magic,
Crow: And its *fabulous* dresses!
> is thought to be a precursor to
> the coming establishment of the 'Circle of the Round Table'.
Tom: Wasn't that established already?
Mike: I think he's saying it was established before the Round Table.
Tom: Well, couldn't he be a *little* more obtuse?
> So demented are the leaders of the Illuminati that they fancy
> themselves to be the modern-day inheritors of the Arthurian
> legend.
Crow: They also believe that disco isn't dead.
> Upon the appearance, expected soon, of their great
> and divine king, or ruler,
Mike: Or dickweed.
> they would be knights of the
> 'Circle of the Round Table', noble and exalted co-rulers
> of Camelot.
Tom: They believe that this great leader is called JiFKay.
> " And the spirit of Egypt (Rosacrucian Museum - San Jose
> Culture) shall fail in the midst thereof; and I will destroy the
> counsel thereof: and they shall seek to the idols, and to the
> charmers, and to them that have familiar spirits
> (mediums, psychics), and to the wizards "
> - Isaiah 19:3
Tom: Ratio of people who think that Hillary should join the Spice Girls
as "First Lady Spice".
Crow: Are we allowed to riff on scripture?
Mike: If we do, I wouldn't be surprised if Forrester makes us do the Bible
next.
> " Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after
> wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God."
>
> - Leviticus 19:31
Crow: Ratio of people who think Cancer Man really did fix the Superbowl.
> " And the soul(s) that turneth after such as have familiar
> spirits, and after wizards, TO GO WHORING AFTER THEM,
Mike: Woo-hoo! Let's go whoring!
> I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off
> from among his people "
>
> - Leviticus 20:6
Tom: Ratio of people who believe Vince Foster was murdered while
wearing "Quayle in 2000" shirt.
> " ...used enchantements, and used witchcraft and dealt with
> a familiar spirit, and with wizards; he wrought much evil in
> the sight of the Lord, to provoke him to anger "
Crow (mother voice): Don't go provoking the Lord, young man!
> - 2 Chronicles 33:6
>
> " Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard,
> or a necromancer,
Mike: Or a necrophiliac.
Crow: Or a Republican.
Servo: Or a cyber-geek.
> for all that do these things are an
> abomination unto the Lord: and because of these abominations
> the Lord thy God has doth drive them out from before thee. "
>
> - Deuteronomy 18:11-12
Servo: Final score in the latest Cowboys game.
> " A man also a woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard,
> shall surely be put to death:
Mike: Must have seen RuPaul's talk show.
> they shall stone them with
stones:
> their blood shall be upon them "
> - Deuteronomy 2O:27
Crow: Ratio of people who think Marv Albert would make a great date.
> Purple Stuff
Servo: So what in the Sam Hill did that have to do with a TV station?!
Crow: Must be the local WB affiliate. I'm sure *they're* connected
to the Illuminati too.
Mike: Might explain how Nick Freno's still on.
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