[MiSTing] "Wheel of Something" SEASON PREMIERE
Jim W.
Turn down your lights (But don't take my word for it)
In the not too distant future
In the depths of outer space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
Have received a saving grace.
They've finally goten away from Pearl
A woman who now controls the world.
So now they're free to do their will
That is, if they can just manage not to get themselves all killed!
ALL: GET US HO-O-OME!
MIKE: We'll use the Auto-Return
To get us back to Earth (lalala)
I can't wait to get home again...
And be back on my old turf! (lalala)
Now keep in mind Mike doesn't know
When their journey home will end. (lalala)
He'll have to sit and wait it out
With his company of robot friends!
ROBOT ROLL CALL
CAMBOT! "Panning left."
GYPSY! "Let's roll!"
TOM SERVO! "Are we there yet?"
CROOOOOOOOOW! "You know you want me, baby!"
If you're wondering just why this show's plot
Is changing every year (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Best not to ask,"
And there are no worries here.
On SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000!
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] Mike and the 'Bots are passed out on the counter.
SERVO: Ugh...
CROW: -gurgle-gurgle-
MIKE: *snore*
SERVO: Ugk
[Mike finally wakes up, although rather slugishly.]
MIKE: Um...hullo and welcome to the...the...where are we?
[Gypsy enters.]
GYPSY: I told you to spare the wine. Now look what you've done. Honestly,
Mike, how could you?
MIKE: Mom? Is that you?
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign now.
*commercial sign*
MIKE: Uh...we'll be right... [falls back asleep]
[Gypsy leaves in disgust.]
--COMMERCIALS--
[SOL] Mike is drinking a strange tonic while plugging his nose.
MIKE: Oh, that's nasty. Um, welcome back. Sorry for...um...that. I think
I'd better fill you in. As you probably already know, we've been released
from Pearl's evil clutches--by Santa Claus of all people--and now we're
slowly returning to planet Earth. Because of the anticipated jubilation,
the 'Bots and I uncorked some good wine and had a little party.
GYPSY[enters with a mop]: Little? You were unconcious for three days!
MIKE: Um...yes...Oh, to you folks at home, we do not condone excessive
drinking
in any way, shape or form. This was merely for entertainment purposes.
GYPSY: If it was for entertainment, why am I mopping up your--
MIKE: Oh, look, here come the Hardy Boys.
[Crow and Servo enter.]
SERVO: Hey, Mike! That was some kick-ass party! We should do that more often.
MIKE: I don't think that's going to happen.
CROW: Why? Because your little country-boy physique can't hold its liquor?
MIKE: No, because we drank all the booze.
SERVO and CROW: Oh.
*Mad's sign*
MIKE: What the--?
SERVO: Impossible!
CROW: Wait, that's not the Mads!
GYPSY: We're receiving a transmission from an object to our port.
MIKE: Put it on speakers.
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Attention Sattelite. The following fanfic is about to be
delivered upon request.
ALL: FANFIC?!?
MIKE: Upon whose request?
VOICE: The fanfic is titled "Wheel of Something." Please enjoy.
SERVO: What he hell? We're supposed to be free!
CROW: "What is this crap?"
VOICE: Please proceed to your designated viewing area once the appropriate
signal has been made.
SERVO: What?
MIKE: I think it meant "Go to the theater when Movie Sign flashes."
CROW: Then why didn't it just say that?
MIKE[frustrated]: Because it's a machine! Machines use big words!
*movie sign*
ALL: Oh, no, we've got MOVIE SIIIIGN!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
[Mike and the 'Bots enter the theater]
MIKE: Personally, I think twelve years of this was enough.
CROW: Just hunker down and enjoy the ride, Mike.
>Wheel Of Something
>
>We're not really sure what though...
SERVO: We're doomed.
>
>Audience- "Wheel... of... Fortune!!!"
ALL: [Wheel of Fortune theme] Ba-da-da-da, da-da ba-da-da-da...
>
>"And now, your hosts, Pat Sayjack and Vanna White," the announcer yelled as
>the two walked on the stage. After the applause and a couple of bows,
CROW: Vanna's dress fell off!
MIKE: Dream on, Crow.
>the show began.
>
>"Thank you, and welcome to our show," Vanna threw her arms in the air and
>received loud cheering.
SERVO: If they got that kind of reaction when she did that, imagine the chaos
that would happen if she hiked up her skirt!
CROW: Ooooh...
>
>"Yeah." Pat was obviously jealous. He pushed Vanna out of the away.
CROW[Pat]: I'm jealous of your arms. Give them to me.
SERVO: [chainsaw noise]
MIKE[Vanna]: AAAAAGGGGGHH!
CROW[Pat]: Soon, my sweet, your arms will be a part of me. Isn't that what
you wanted? The two of us...together?
>
>"Ahhhh!"
SERVO: Uh...it's clear the fanfic does not approve our skit.
CROW: Better not try to steal the show.
>
>"Anyway, we have a great show for you tonight. As you know it's Pokemon
>week and we have some very interesting guest.
MIKE: Uh-oh...
>Lets go meet them." Pat walked over to the red booth and pulled out his blue
>cards. "All right, our first contestant is Phillip Bryant, from Celadon City.
>Now Phillip, it says here you used to be a Pokemon Master, is this true?"
CROW[Phillip]: Yeah, but I got cut from the cast because I wasn't a very
likeable
character. Kids would rather watch some creepy teen with his eyes shut all
the
time woo over countless women.
SERVO[Pat]: Well, that's our target audience for you.
>
>"Why yes Pat, I was undefeated for two years. Since then, I have traveled
>around to world and found some of the rarest and strongest Pokemon that
>exist. My champion team consist of Dragonite, Mew, Articuno, the very
>rare....
>
>"Yawwwnnn! Ok, enough about you.
[Mike and the 'Bots applaud.]
MIKE: You tell it, Pat!
CROW: Yeah! WHOO!
>Time to meet the other contestants." Pat
>walked over to the yellow booth. "It says here your name is Jennifer Lee,
>and you're a famous Pokemon researcher. What exactly is that?"
SERVO: You see, Pat, I research various Pokemon.
CROW[Pat]: That's *fascinating.*
>
>"Well Pat, I study all sorts of species of pokemon around the world. I
>helped in the development of resurrecting pokemon from their fossils, but
>I'm known best for my discovery of a brand new pokemon species. We're
>giving them away free, since we've figured out how to clone them.
MIKE: Wait, I think this issue is still being debated by the courts...
SERVO: I hear sirens. Here comes the Morality Police.
>If anyone listening would like one, just call...
>
>"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now finally, lets meet our third contestant,
>Pikachu."
CROW: What?!?
SERVO[Pat]: Pikachu, I've been waiting a long time to get back at you
for ruining the minds of countless children... I piss on you!
>Relieved, Pat walked over to the blue booth.
SERVO[Pat]: Next?
>"Now Pikachu, I've heard a lot of great things about you. Is it true Team
>Rocket even wants to capture you because of your superiority to all other
>pokemon?"
>
>"Pikachu. Pika pi kapika chu pika."
>
MIKE: Translation: "No, I *want* them to take me! They're my true owners!
Please,
anyone listening, I don't want to hang around with some loser kid...hey,
don't
you understand me?!"
>"Really? What else can you tell us about your adventures?"
>
>"Pika, pi chu pika chu chu pika kachu pika pi chu kachu."
>
MIKE: "You don't understand! I HAVE to return to Team Rocket! They made me the
loveable rat I am today! PLEASE don't take me back to Ash after this! He
doesn't
care for me like they did! Please! He feeds me tasteless dog treats every
day!"
>"And here you have it folks, the real, glorious, wonderful, Pikachu." Pat
>clapped his hands and Pikachu received very loud applause from the
>audience.
>
>Jennifer turned to Phillip. "Did you understand any of that?"
>
>"Not a word." They turned to the host as he was ready to start the first
>puzzle.
MIKE[Pikachu]: I'm doomed.
>
>"All right, our first category is.... Place." This appeared on the board.
>
>_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
>
>"Phillip spin the wheel."
>
>The wheel turned until it landed on $700. Phillip looked at the board. "T"
>
>"No, there are no T's. Jennifer it's your turn."
SERVO[Jennifer]: Umm...T.
>
>She turned the wheel. It landed on $350. "L"
>
>"No, there are no L's.
CROW: Well. This text version of Wheel of Fortune sure isn't as entertaining
as the real thing.
>Pikachu spin the wheel."
>
>"Pikachu! Pika pi kachu!"
>
MIKE: That means "T".
>"Huh? You can't reach the wheel? Well, I guess you could just choose an
>amount. Judges? Yes, that's fine. Pikachu, choose.
>
>"Pi............ Pika," Pikachu yelled and pointed to a spot on the wheel.
SERVO[Pat]: I'm sorry, that's Bankrupt. Phillip, it's your turn.
>
>"All right, $1000 it is."
>
>"What!?!" Jennifer looked at the host with an enraged expression. "That's
>not fair! Get someone else to spin the wheel for that..... that....
>whatever that pokemon is!"
>
>"I'm sorry, but that's not allowed. No one can spin the wheel for someone
>else. That would be cheating," Pat corrected.
CROW: I smell a winner...and it sure doesn't smell human.
>
>"Oh! So it's perfectly fine for them to just choose an amount as long as no
>one else spins the wheel!"
>
>"Yep. Pikachu choose a letter."
>
>"Pikachu!"
>
>"Yes! There are two A's!" The audience cheered as Vanna walked and turned
>two A's. Pikachu's total went up to $2000. The puzzle now showed
_ A _ A _ _ _ _ _ _.
>
>"Wait!" Phillip looked confused. "I was told, you have to buy vowels."
MIKE: HAH! Take that, you illiterate, electrocuting pincusion!
CROW: Too many syllables there, Mike.
>
>"Oh yeah..." Pat put his hand on his chin and thought for a moment. "Well,
>we've already put the letters up..... so we'll just give Pikachu this one!"
>Pat was about to continue but Phillip persisted.
>
>"I guess that's OK, but you gave him the money for it. You can't do that!"
>Boo's started coming from the audience.
>
>For some reason, one of the stage crew members came up to Phillip. The guy
>was roughly 6' 8" and he definitely worked out. He looked down at Phillip,
>who was only about 5' 7" and glared at him. "You got a problem with
>Pikachus?"
CROW[Phillip]: I do when they become the herald of a pop sensation.
>Before Phillip could answer, the guy jumped him. "My mother
>raised Pikachus for a living, before she died!!!" The audience roared with
>cheers, boo's, laughter, and screams.
MIKE: ...but mostly laughter.
>A couple of stage crew members ran in
>to break up the fight, but six more had to be called in to restrain the big
>guy.
ALL[chanting]: Say-jack! Say-jack! Say-jack!
>Luckily, Phillip escaped with only minor injuries, but the audience
>booed that the fight was over.
SERVO: But suddenly, Jennifer pulled one of the prize pieces off the wheel and
started beating Pat over the head!
>
>Finally Pat said something. "People, people! What kind of show do you think
>this is?"
>
>They all started chanting, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
>
>"Oh."
MIKE: Now, let me break in and say something. Violence is not the best thing.
We can all get entertainment out of something as simple as a text version
of Whell of Fortune.
CROW: No, we can't.
MIKE: Oh. Well, then...
>
>Another stage crew member ran out from the back with some poster boards. He
>walked up to Pat. (Since only Pat has a microphone, you can not hear the
>man's words.)
>
>"What?........... The ratings?.......... They've increased by how
>much!?!.......... What do they want me to do?........... Really?.........
>I've always wanted that job, but 'noooo!' This station doesn't 'show that
>kind of programming.' " He quoted with his fingers, and mocked what Mr.
>Johnson the network producer had said.
>
>Suddenly the announcer came on. "Uhh, Pat, your uhh, microphone is still
>on."
SERVO: If they made Wheel into a love drama thing, you think the ratings would
go up?
MIKE: At least they should introduce some sort of wrestling component.
>
>"What!?!" He fiddled with the switch. "Aww man, I've lost this job. Sh--"
>The microphone clicked off before he finished the word. (Back to the......
>dispute.)
>
>"I'll kill you! How dare you say that about my mother!" The crewman, named
>Frank, now yelled at Jennifer.
CROW: Behold, the degeneration of modern entertainment.
>
>"Oh yeah? Well then I'll call you that! You-" She wasn't able to finish.
>More crewmen came onto the stage, and rushed them all off.
>
>The audience wasn't sure what was happening. Some people got up to leave,
>while others tried to sneak back stage. Then, the speaker blared. "We're
>sorry for this delay, but changes are being made onstage. Please remain in
>your seats until the 'new' show begins." Some black screens were pushed in
>front of the audiences' view, making it impossible to see what they were
>doing onstage.
SERVO: Probably something to do with "headbanging."
>
>After about half an hour the screens rolled back. Everyone was shocked at
>what they saw. The walls were made of brick columns and there were green
>stripes every couple of feet, and there were wooden chairs arranged in the
>middle.
CROW: We're not shocked by that. What shocks us is that the audience stayed
for half an hour.
>On the opposite walls 'Jerry Springer' was painted in light blue
>and there was now a door leading backstage, and there were also TV monitors
>set around the stage. But perhaps the most surprising sight, was Jerry
>Springer himself, holding a microphone, in the middle of it all....
>
MIKE[Springer]: Oh, it's *good* to have my show back!
>"Good evening, and welcome to a... special edition of Wheel of Fortune.
>I'll be your guest host, Jerry Springer." The audience cheered and
>applauded. "Thank you. Today's topic, People and Pokemon: Why can't we just
>get along?"
>
CROW: I don't know. I thought they got along just fine on "Pokemon."
MIKE: Yes, but this show uncovers all of the hidden angst felt by the
characters.
>"I'll tell you why! It's because-" One of the guest ran out, but was
>quickly pulled back.
>
>"Today's guest are Pat Sayjack, Phillip Bryant, Jennifer Lee, Frank Dolts,
>and Pikachu." Everyone walked on the stage and took a seat.
>
>"So tell me what exactly happened?"
SERVO: Well, you see, Jerry, it all started when Pokemon came to America...
>
>"Well, they all was making fun of my dear old mommy's pet Pikachu." Frank
>explained. "I just couldn't stands it no more, so I came out and tried to
>settle it. I tried talk'en real nice, but they kept on going, sows I
>slugged 'em."
>
>"Excuse me? That is not what happened at all!"
>
>"Oh quit lying ya (Bleep)!"
>
>"Pika pi!"
>
>"Shut up you (Bleeep) pokemon!"
>
>"You see? There they go again! Quit it (Bleep)!"
>
>"(Bleep) you! It's your own fault!"
>
>"Pika pikachu (Bleeeeeeeeeeeeep) pi chu!"
>
>"This show is rigged to start with!"
MIKE: Uh...guys? We aren't saying anything.
>
>"People, people!" Jerry yelled. "Lets try to solve this without violence."
>
>"Ah, who asked you, (Bleeeeep)!"
MIKE: Guys?
CROW[trance]: Can't think...entertainment...shutting down brain...
SERVO[trance]: Must...watch...fights.
>
>"Yeah!" Everyone continued yelling with the occasional throwing of a chair,
>but no one escaped Pikachu's Thunder Attack. Even Jerry and the audience
>were fried to a crisp.
>
>Suddenly a man in a business suit walked out on the stage. Everyone stopped
>talking and stared as Pat went to greet him.
>
>"Umm... Hello Mr. Johnson. Anything wrong?"
MIKE[Mr. Johnson]: Wrong? WRONG?! I can't find my partner of the same name!
Now how am I going to continue manufacturing child care products?!?
>
>"Wrong!?! Everything's wrong! What is this? Why isn't Wheel of Fortune on?"
>
>"Well, we sorta got sidetracked. Heh heh. But I promise we'll fix it
>immediately, and it will never happen again."
>
>"Oh, sidetracked, is that it? Well there's a simple solution to that."
>
>"Really? What?"
>
>The producer waved Pat closer, and leaned close to his ear. "YOU"RE
>FIRED!!!!!" Pat fell backwards, but quickly recovered.
>
CROW: Is it that easy to fire a guy who's had a successful game show
for fifteen years?
>"What!?! You can't fire me! Who's going to replace me on such sort notice?"
>
>"We've already hired a replacement. Mr. Trebeck?" Alex Trebeck walked out
>on the stage holding Pat's blue cards.
>
>"Now we should have a fair chance at this game," Jennifer whispered to
>Phillip, who nodded.
>
>"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!" Pat was stupefied. "You're replacing me with
>HIM?"
>
>"Yes we are. Now men, get this stage back together." Twenty-or-so men came
>out and started tearing down things and putting up other things. Finally,
>the old Wheel of Fortune stage was restored, with the exception of a couple
>of things. For one, Alex had a booth to stand at, and behind him was a big
>TV screen. The contestants' booths were still red, yellow, and blue, but
>they were shaped differently, and their names were on them (Pikachu's had a
>paw-print). But other than that, the stage was the same.
MIKE: Let me guess...they have to select letters in the form of a question?
CROW[Trebek]: That is correct. You now control the board.
>
>"All right men, that's good. Lets go," The producer yelled. They packed
>their tools and left. The contestants returned to their booths... almost.
>
>"Pika! Pikachu pika pi," Pikachu yelled at Jennifer.
MIKE: "TAKE! ME! HOME!"
>
>"For the last time: I don't speak pokemon! " She yelled back.
>
>"Pika... pikachu... pika... pi!" Pikachu made hand signs while talking.
MIKE: "Team Rocket is my FAMILY!"
>
>"Argh! What is he saying!?!" Jennifer yelled at everyone.
>
>"I believe he said he wants the yellow booth," Alex explained.
SERVO: Uh...okay.
CROW: I think I've already died. Mike, is this hell?
MIKE: Yes, it is.
CROW: Okay.
>
>"I don't think so!"
>
>"Pikachu kapika chu pika."
>
>"He said it's only fair since he's the special guest, and frankly, I agree
>with him."
>
>"What!?!" Jennifer looked around and saw many audience members agreed.
>"Fine," she gave up and traded places with Pikachu.
>
>"Ok, now let's start the show. Phillip, I believe you're first." Phillip
>reached down to spin the wheel, but there wasn't a wheel to spin.
>
>"Hey! What gives?"
>
>"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you." Alex turned around to the giant TV. Some
>weird noises went off and categories appeared.
>
>"Phillip, please choose a category."
>
>"Ok... umm Pokemon Attacks."
>
>"All right, answer is: This attack will weaken your opponent."
>
>"But... but, that could be anything!"
>
>"Time is running out."
>
>"Fine. How about... Flamethrower?"
>
>"No, I'm sorry. Pikachu?"
>
>"Pikachu!"
>
>"Yes! That is absolutely correct! Choose another category."
MIKE: Okay, basically this fanfic is a public service announcement about how
Pikachu wouldn't fit in on any game show.
CROW: Are you *still* trying to figure this thing out?
>
>"Pika."
>
>"Ok, Pokemon types. Answer is: This type is weak against water and strong
>against plant." Jennifer buzzed in.
>
>"Oh! What is Fire?"
>
>"Correct, but I'm sorry, it's not your turn. Pikachu?" Pikachu smirked at
>Jennifer.
CROW: I'm confused. What are the rules now?
>
>"Pika."
>
>"Yes! Choose again."
>
>"Pikachu pika."
>
>"Category is Evolution. Answer is: From Lapras." Phillip and Jennifer
>looked at each other blankly. Pikachu smiled.
>
>"Pika kachu, pika pika pikachu."
>
>"Correct!"
>
>*Ding Ding!*
SERVO[Trebek]: That sound means that my pizza is here. Excuse me.
>
>"That sound means we're almost out of time. Moving on to the final round.
>You're category is Pokemon, answer is: this pokemon's name starts with... a
>letter.
ALL: WHAT?!?
MIKE: I think this story is simple random nonsense.
CROW: You finally figured that out, huh?
>You have until this song is over. Go!" The pokemon theme song came
>on and the contestants started writing....
>
>Later...
>
>"All right, time's up. Phillip let's start with you." Phillip held up his
>board (which looked exactly like a chalk board).
>
>'Charmander?'
>
>"No, I'm afraid that's incorrect. And you wagered,"
>
>'-100,000'
ALL: D'oh!
>
>"Ha ha, nice try, but I can't let you do that." A stagehand ran out and
>wiped off the negative sign. "So you're score is... very low. Jennifer lets
>see what you have?"
>
>Jennifer held up her chalk board. Alex squinted to read the long message.
>
>'This show is rigged! It's fixed and it sucks. I wish Alex Trebeck would go
>jump off a cliff. Pikachu should be disqualified for not speaking English,
>and then should be burned at the stake!'...
ALL: [standing ovation]
SERVO: She preaches the truth, brother!
>
>"Well, I'm sorry, but that is wrong. And this is the 90's, we don't 'rig
>game shows' or 'jump off cliffs' and we especially don't 'burn Pikachus at
>the stake.' And your wager?"
>
>'I don't have any money, you moron!'
>
>"Ok, let's move on to Pikachu."
>
>"Pika, kachu." Pikachu said with an embarrassed look.
>
>"It's Ok. I'm sure I'll be able to read you hand writing." Pikachu held up
>something that even the government couldn't decode.
>
>"Umm... well... uh, why don't you just tell me what you wrote?"
>
>"Pikachu."
>
>"Correct! And your wager?"
>
>"Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
SERVO: I hope that was the sound of Pikachu exploding.
>
>"And Pikachu is our winner, with... more money than the two of you
>combined." Alex said pointing to Phillip and Jennifer. "Join us here
>tomorrow with two new guest and our new champion, Pikachu!" Suddenly, the
>lights clicked off, leaving everyone there in the dark.
>
>"Moowhahahahahaha!" Laughed an evil voice. "I am the Phantom of the Wheel!
>Alex Trebeck, prepare to die! Mowahahaha!"
CROW: Uh...Mike?
MIKE: What?
CROW: I'm going to go kill myself and then I'll be back, okay?
MIKE: Fine.
[Crow exits.]
>
>"Umm, Pat?" Alex flipped a switch making the lights come back on. Pat
>Sayjack was standing in the middle of the stage with a black cape and mask
>on, doing some weird pose.
>
SERVO[Pat]: I'm...working on my...William Shatner.
>"Weren't you fired?"
>
>"Yes, I was! But now I've come back as the Phantom of the Wheel for
>revenge! Ahahahaha!"
>
>"Well, that's nice. See you tomorrow." Pat looked up from his pose to see
>that the building had emptied
>
MIKE[Pat]: Blast you! I could have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for these
meddling contestants and their pikachu!
>"Hey! Where is everybody? Hello? Don't leave me here! Anybody?" The lights
>clicked off once more, it was
>
>The End
>
MIKE: Thank the good Lord God our savior.
SERVO: Halelujiah! Amen.
[Mike and Servo exit the theater.]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] Mike and Servo enter right. Crow is already onstage.
MIKE: So, how did that "killing yourself" thing turn out?
CROW: Well, I was just about to cut my internal power cord when I realized
that I was commiting suicide for the wrong reason.
SERVO: What do you mean?
CROW: There's more to life than disturbingly bad fanfiction. There's also
fun things, like Shakespeare, and Dreamcast, and a good beer!
SERVO: ...none of which we'll ever have access to on this lonely Satellite.
CROW: ...oh. You're right. [proceeds to cut his internal power cord.]
MIKE: No! Crow stop!
[Crow lurches for a minute, then rights himself.]
CROW: Damn, I must have a backup power supply.
MIKE: Don't go killing yourself just because the fanfic we read today was
unbearably boring.
SERVO: Yeah. Besides, it's over now. And we'll be at Earth soon.
CROW: Yeah...yeah. You're right.
MIKE: By the way, just what is the deal with that transmition, anyway?
MAGIC VOICE: Strange object remains at port. Scans show it to be another
Rocket, designated Number Fifteen.
SERVO: What? Where did it come from?
MIKE: What does it want?
MAGIC VOICE: It is transmiting another signal.
*Mads' sign*
ALL[looking at Cambot]: NO! IT CAN'T BE!
[Castle Forrester] Pearl is sitting on a lavish throne with Observer and Bobo
at her sides. She is wearing a crown and elaborate regal garb.
PEARL: Hello, my wonderful little companions. How nice to see you again.
[SOL]
MIKE: But...but...Pearl?
[CF]
PEARL: No longer mere "Pearl," my good man. I am now known as Forrester: Queen
of the World! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!
BOBO: Hi, Mike!
[SOL]
MIKE: Well, I guess we had to realize you'd be queen when Santa granted our
wishes...
CROW: Is it just me, or does that sound really silly?
[CF]
PEARL: Yes, Santa returned me to Castle Forrester. And along the way, we
picked up
Brain Guy and Ape Man here at the Death Star.
OBSERVER: Because we were no longer traveling with Pearl, we decided to settle
down. I became a short-order cook at Storm Trooper Division 34's cafeteria.
BOBO: And I stood in a cage and handed out tickets to the carnival!
PEARL: And once we returned to Earth, I found the property deed to the planet
right
here on this throne.
[Pearl shows Cambot a Monopoly card with Earth's name on it.]
[SOL]
SERVO: ...nice.
CROW: But why are you still torturing us? Isn't your goal complete?
[CF]
PEARL: Isn't greed human nature? Was Napoleon ever satisfied? Did Macbeth stop
at king?
NO! You see, I now have a greater and more ambitious goal: QUEEN OF THE
UNIVERSE!
[SOL]
MIKE: Wonderful.
CROW: Same old Pearl.
[CF]
PEARL: But until I realize that dream, I will continue the grand expreiment
Clayton
began. I look forward to your return to Earth, boys. But until then, you
will
be at the mercy of Rocket Number Fifteen! BWAHAHAHAHA!
[SOL]
SERVO: Well, damn.
MIKE: Looks like it's back to square one.
CROW: You know what they say... the more things change...
MIKE: Yeah... yeah...
[Fade out]
CROW: Huh. This is a really weak ending.
MIKE: It was a really weak show.
SERVO: Amen.
[Mighty Science Theater]
written by: Jim Whaley
"Wheel of Something" written by: Varakorn Ungvichian
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Observer: Bill Corbett
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc.
is intended or should be inferred.
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing.
Any alteration or reproduction of this MiSTing without permission or credit
is not appreciated. Please contact the author at the e-mail address provided
below.
based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
all present and former employees of Best Brains, Inc., wherever they may be
Varakorn Ungvichian
the authors of the First Amendment
and last but not least, You, the reader
This MiSTing is dedicated to anyone who loves to laugh.
e-mail tj...@aol.com for comments, etc.
c2000 by Jim Whaley
> "My mother raised Pikachus for a living, before she died!!!"
a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
http://wsn9.mistings.org
-----------------
Read thirty episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 at
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
406: A Night in the Park
407: The Neelix Claus part 4: Tuvok the Snowman
408: The Neelix Claus part 5: Neelix the Red Faced Talaxian
501: Wheel of Something
502: Neo Evangelion part I
503: Neo Evangelion part II
Most of my MiSTings can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine,
located at http://wsn9.mistings.org
Or go to my web site, The MSTerminal;
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
http://sft1b.mistings.org
Jim W. (#90212)
my MiSTings and fanfiction:
http://sft1b.mistings.org
---
New MiSTing: "Wheel of Something"
located at http://sft1b.mistings.org/
---
"Talented people are capable of understanding us."
-Lady Une