WT-103: Magic Holidays [3/3]

[The_First_Delta_Knight]

>
> Crystal Sailors:Magical Holidays

MIKE: Oh, good, a sequal to a story with no action.

> Story #02 [G]
> "Crystallina's Valentine Romance!"

CROW: (Crystal Knight) Crystallina had a wonderful Valentines Day, and nothing
bad happened. The end.

> Note: This story takes place between Crystal Sailors and Ultra Crystal
> Sailors. This
> story will be seen through the eyes of Princess Crystallina.
> **************************************************************************
> ****
> ******************

MIKE: Oh, apparently Crystallina boozed her Valentines Day away.

> I was sleeping on the bed in the private chamber inside
> the palace. I loved to sleep. Makoto was trying to wake me up.
> Makoto: "Princess....Crystallina.

SERVO: Oooh, good ad-lib!

> Time to wake up."
> Princess Crystallina: "What ever it is, it can wait until later."
> I told Makoto very sleepily.
> Makoto: "You have important day ahead of you."

CROW: (Makoto) You have to help Saint Valentine deliver love to all the people
of the world, then go back to sleep! [snickers softly, looks at MIKE, who keeps
reading the story.]

> Princess Crystallina: "Nothing is more important than sleep."
> I told her still in slumber.
> Makoto: "What will Mamo-chan think when you don't show up and you are still a

MIKE: [realizing what CROW meant] HEY!
CROW: [to MIKE] Nice delayed reaction there...

> sleep?"
> Princess Crystallina: "Mamo-Chan?"
> I suddenly jolted out of bed.

MIKE: (Princess) I have to go and notify him of my suit against him!

> Makoto: "Sorry about that."
> Princess Crystallina: "That's okay."
> My hair was down and was very long.
> Princess Crystallina: "Can you brush my hair Makoto?"
> Makoto: "Sure."
> Makoto began to brush my long hair. My hair was just too long for me to take
> care alone. I just sat up in the bed as she brushed it.

SERVO: (Princess) --as she brushed my long, shimmering, long, very long hair.

> I had never felt
> better. Then Makoto put my hair back into the Odango Atama as it was in
> earlier. She brought me a mirror.

CROW: Ah, the conclusion of the "hair-brushing" scene. Never have I been so
captivated.

> Makoto: "How do you look?"

SERVO: Sort of red...
MIKE: [to SERVO] She means the Princess.

> Princess Crystallina: "Beautiful, just like a Princess should."

CROW: Hey! That's sexist! You mean *princes* can't look beautiful!?

> Makoto: "That's good. You better get dressed and ready. You and Mamoru....I
> mean EchoHeart."
> Princess Crystallina: "Okay."
> Makoto left the room. Soon I came out. I was wearing a long sleeved dress
> version of the shortsleeeved dress i normally wear.

MIKE: (Princess) --As to how it got on me, I had no clue. Still don't.

> Makoto: "You look beautiful, Princess!"

CROW: Sexist!

> Princess Crystallina: "Arigato!"

SERVO: (Makoto) Oregano! Alfredo!

> (Translation: I said thank you in Japanese.)

MIKE: Oh, hit us over the head and EXPLAIN it to us, after all, we're stupid
enough to be *reading* this garbage.

> Makoto: "Your welcome. You better go before Mamoru begins to wonder where you
> are. By the waydo you need any of the Crystal Guards to go with you?"
> Princess Crystallina: "No. I think I will be okay."

CROW: [sarcastic] Attention readers: Foreshadowing. Your key to an EXCITING
story.

> Makoto: "Okay."
> Princess Crystallina: "Sayonara, Crystal Jupiter!"
> Makoto: Ja ne Princess!"
> (Translation: See Ya.)
> I walked out of the Palace and headed to the park. The wind was calm and
> gently blew my long pony tails which was very long.

SERVO: [to MIKE] I'm confused here... is Princess Crystallinas' hair long?

> The wind also blew against
> my wings. The wind caused
> the feathers in my wings to ruffle up a bit. It didn't take long and I saw a a
> young man with dark hair with dark civillian clothing.

MIKE: Life in World War Two era Tokyo.

> I spoke up to him.
> Princess Crystallina: "Mamo-Chan!"
> I yelled out with excitement.
> Mamoru: "Usako! How are you?"
> Princess Crystallina: "I am fine,thanks."
> Mamoru: "Do you know what today is?"

CROW: (Princess) National Subway Pinchers day?

> Princess Crystallina: "I have no idea."
> Mamoru: "Valentines Day."
> Princess Crystallina: "Valen...who?"
> Mamoru: "Not a person named Valen. Valentines Day. It's a day set aside for
> couples to express their love to each other."
> Princess Crystallina: "Oh, that sounds cool."

SERVO: (Princess) --Too bad we're not a couple.

> Mamoru: "Yes. Happy Valentines day sweetheart."
> Princess Crystallina: "Thanks."
> Mamoru: "Where do you want to go?"
> Princess Crystallina: "How about you surprise me."
> Mamoru: "Shall escort you, my Princess?"
> Princess Crystallina: "Sure."
> Mamoru: "Ok. I love you!"

SERVO: Such blandness... one would think they were *white.*

> Princess Crystallina: "Thank you. I love you too."
> Mamoru then escort me to a river boat resturant that was docked at the
> riverback. He then took me inside. Suddenly, everyone stopped what they were
> doing and watched Mamoru and myself. I greated them.

CROW: (Princess) What the hell are *you* freaks staring at?

> Princess Crystallina: "Hello."
> I curtsied to everyone.

MIKE: You see, that's why the Japanese are so great. The men have evolved to the
19th century, and the woman have made it to the 18th.
CROW: Ahh, Japan.

> Then Mamoru sat me down. We had a candle light dinner.
> We were served lobster and white wine
> and we were also served apple pie with whipped topping on it.

SERVO: Ah-ha, [in a trendy tone] whipped topping... such *gormet* eaters!

> Later we went to
> the park.
> Mamrou: "Usagi?"
> He called me Usagi. I had not been called that in a long time.

CROW: (Princess) Not since the schoolyard taunting days of my youth.

> Princess Crystallina: "Yes?"
> Mamoru: "I love you. You have grown up a lot. Here have this. Will you be my
> Valentine?"

SERVO: What is he giving her!? Umm, Crystal Knight? Hello?

> Princess Crystallina: "Yes, always!"
> Mamoru: "I love you sweetheart, my Odango Atama!"

MIKE: So, he just called her a... [thinks]

> I put my head on Mamoru's shoulder, soon I was a sleep.

CROW: (Princess) I was used to being a thoughtful, but being a sleep held many
new wonders.

> Mamoru: "Sleep on Princess! May you always be beautiful. I love you."

MIKE: [continuing his thought, abruptly] ...Large-breasted fool with no worries
for the rest of her days!
[CROW and SERVO deliver shocked looks. Beat.]
CROW: Umm, Mike?

> Note from Trogg: "A they spent the rest of the day in happiness!"
>
> The End....

SERVO: So what in the HELL was the point of that?

[commercials]

>
> ****DISCLAIMERS PLEASE READ, THANKS!****

CROW: Do we *have* to?

> Before you read the story, please read the following Disclaimers, thank you.
> Disclaimer #1: Owner Ship of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon:
> Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon was created by a beautiful woman named Takeuchi
> Naoko(Remember that Takeuchi
> is the last name and Naoko is the first name.)She created
> the wonderful World of Sailor Moon.

SERVO: --while wigged out on Quaaludes.

> The original images,anime,manga, and other
> related items are her creation. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is copyrighted
> 1992,1993,1994,1995,1996,1997 TOEI Company Limited Inc.

MIKE: Servo- Your next time-travel mission is to go to the year 1991.
SERVO: Uh-huh...
MIKE: And then create Sailor Moon...
SERVO: And get rich off the profits? Sure-
MIKE: Well, also try to make the characters *so* unappealing that nobody will
EVER want to write about them.
SERVO: Well... maybe.

> And Copy righted 1995,1997 DIC Inc. Remember, without
> Naoko Takeuchi we would not have Sailor Moon or Sailor
> Moon Fan Fiction

CROW: Rub it in, why don't you? Sure, Jim Morrison dies young while *this*
miscreant is allowed to create a cartoon which has spawned *thousands* of cheap,
crummy fanfics. [sarcastic] Thanks a lot, God.

> so Thanks Naoko Takeuchi-Chan!
>
> Disclaimer #2: Me, My characters and my stories:

MIKE: --suck.

> First off, As a writer I should let you know that I have rights
> when it comes to writing my stories. All the most of the characters I have
> created exclusively for my Sailor Moon Fan Fiction. Some characters were taken

SERVO: --and their intentions mutilated.

> with permission by Jendra's Sailor Moon Universal and Universal B. Now I want
> all of you to know something, Princess Crystallina and her Identical twin

CROW: --are one and the same.

> sister Princess Clearina are my property and my exclusive creations. I have
> created in detail of what they look like and their personalities, their
> appearance including
> how they dress and who they interact with. I am very proud
> of Princess Crystallina and Princess Clearina.

SERVO: It's sad, really.

> So if anyone
> insults me about these two characters, I will be angry and I will let you know
> a thing or two. If anyone on my Mailing List
> insults me, they will be thrown off the Mailing List

CROW: In that case... dear Crystal Knight: Princess Crystallina sucks and you're
a big silly ninny. Love, Crow.

> without further warning.
> So be nice to me about my characters and I will return the favor to you. As a
> writer I have the right from hearing from all of you.

MIKE: [to Crystal Knight] Yes, but if you're not going to let them flame you...

> Please read the final
> disclaimer below.
>
> Disclaimer #3:
> As you the reader, you are entitled to several options when reading my
> stories.

CROW: You have the right to an attorney.

> 1: You have the right to read this story
> and enjoy it.

SERVO: Sorry, but Nancy Reagan put a stop to that.

> 2: You have the right to send questions to me if you don't
> understand something.

CROW: Dear Crystal Knight: What compels you to go on living, knowing that you
are the Roger
Corman of writing?

> 3: You have the right to
> give me your opinion on my stories.

MIKE: On the count of three, I say we moon him.

> 4: You have the right to be removed off my
> Mailing List by asking me. Now what you
> don't have the rights for?

SERVO: Our sanity.

> 1: All Amercia Online users that recieve my story
> must not delete my Mailing List. You must save as new and then delete. If you
> delete and I catch you in
> the act, I will e-mail you and ask you why.

CROW: Ooooh, I'm so scared... please, anything *but* that.

> 2: All web users that read my
> stories on the two Archives of "A Sailor Moon
> Romance" and "Jupiter Knight's Great Expanded Sailor Moon Archive" I humbly
> ask you to e-mail me on your opinion
> of my stories.

MIKE: You already said that nobody could insult you.

> All Web users on my Mailing List are asked to respond after
> recieving and reading the Mailing List I send out. And Everyone has the right
> to refer my Mailing List and my stories to others.

SERVO: But remember, if you do, you will find yourself with no friends.

> And everyone can use my
> characters, but you must ask me first. And I will not allow MSTing to be done
> to my stories.

CROW: [sneakily] Heh heh heh, if only he knew.

> DO NOT EDIT AND ALTER MY STORIES!!! If you do I won't like it,

MIKE: Okay, Crystal Knight, one more of these threats and I'll contact the
authorities.

> but if you do want to do a
> MSTing you must e-mail and ask me

CROW: Crystal Knight: Hello. We're going to make fun of your stupid story and
you CAN'T stop us. Signed, Crow.

> and you must keep the original story in the
> MSTing.

MIKE: Hmm, would it be possible to do a MSTing of the story without the story?
CROW: I really think we should look into that.

> You must send me a copy of your MSTing once you are done with it.

SERVO: [to CROW, tauntingly] Oh boy, now you're going to get it...

> And
> you must not submit it to any Archive!

MIKE: [sarcastically] I'm sure Michael K. Neylon will be *so* disappointed .

> That won't be allowed. So remember all
> these disclaimers. By the way.

MIKE: --or by the brook.

> These disclaimers will appear in each new story
> I do. Sorry if you have to read this every time I write a new story.

CROW: God forbid.

> So I have
> one more request....please read and enjoy this story!

[CROW suddenly bursts out laughing, hitting the floor]
CROW: Ha ha ha hahahahaha ha hahahahaha [as he hits the floor] OUCH ha ha ha ha
ha...
SERVO: [to MIKE] Oh, will you pick him up and shut him up!?
MIKE: I'll try...

[MIKE picks CROW up. CROW finishes laughing, exhausted.]

CROW: That was a riot.

> Now on
> to the story!
> ********************************************************************
> Crystal Sailors:Magical Holidays
> Story#3 [G]
> "A Beautiful Spring Day For Princess Crystallina!"

SERVO: (Princess) I picked some flowers, snorted some dandelions, and died
instantaneously. The end.

> By: EchoH...@aol.com(The Crystal Knight)
> ********************************************************************
> This story is in the eyes of Princess Crystallina. This story takes place
> inbetween Crystal Sailors and Ultra Crystal Sailors just so you know.
> ********************************************************************
> I was a sleepy Princess!

MIKE: [like Dr. Seuss] Sleepy sleepy sleepy! See the Princess. See her sleep.

> I always loved to sleep. Everyone marveled about the
> way I slept. They had had commented that I was so beautiful and graceful. I
> was not a normal human female.

SERVO: Oh, God, *please* say she isn't Oscar!

> I had longer hair then allof my friends, plus
> wings to go with it. They had thought of me as the most wonderful, charming,
> friendly, warm hearted, and most loving friend that my friends had ever seen.

CROW: (Princess) Behind my back they called me a snooty bitch and a frigid
alien.

> Then I heard someone come into my private chamber inside the Crystal Moon
> Palace which was in Tokyo. It was Kino Makoto.
> Makoto: "Princess, Princess? Are you going to sleep all day?"

MIKE: Well, judging by the action in the last two chapters, if she does we won't
miss out on
much.

> I woke up to the sound of Makoto's voice.
> Princess Crystallina: "I am up."
> I told my friend with a groggy voice.

SERVO: Must have been the fudge.

> Makoto: "Good. I am glad to see you awake. Get dresses and meet me and Rei in
> the Palace Dining room in 10 minutes, okay?"

CROW: [to others] Uh, I gotta go... the babysitter needs to get home... see ya!

[before MIKE and SERVO can say anything, CROW exits left]

[Beat]

MIKE: (to SERVO) Well, you know how those babysitters are.

> Princess Crystallina: "Okay."
> Kino Makoto left and I went to a large wardrobe where all my
> dresses where kept. I chose a beautiful pink Princess dress

SERVO: --to hide any bloodstains.

> from many dresses. I placed it in my hands. I concentrated on my powers and
> wham! I was wearing the Princess dress that I had chosen. How did I make the
> dress appear on me?

MIKE: [sarcastic] Well, gosh, Princess, why don't you tell us?

> Well I had that power to do that. It always stunned my friends.

SERVO: Nahh, it didn't.

> Then I brushed
> my long hair and put them up into the famous Odango Atama which were two balls
> of hair.

[silence]

SERVO: Well, I'll be.
MIKE: Too bad Crow isn't here... now he'll never know.

> Then
> I went to meet Rei and Makoto.
> Rei: "Good morning Princess!"
> Makoto: "Hello Princess!"
> Princess Crystallina: "Hello."
> Makoto: "How are you?
> Princess Crystallina: "I am well, thanks."

SERVO: (Princess) Got any more fudge?

> Rei: "That's good Princess. What are you going to do today?"
> Princess Crystallina: "First, I am going to go to the Palace Garden and then
> go out for a while."

MIKE: (Princess) Then hopefully I'll cop some fudge.

> Makoto: "Prince EchoHeart said that he will meet you in the
> Garden shortly."
> Princess Crystallina: "Okay. I am going there now."
> I walked to the Garden and entered. There were all sorts of flowers and
> plants. Personally I loved flowers,

SERVO: Girls, don't get involved with flowers... it'll only lower your self
esteem.

> especially roses.
> Then I heard a noise
> behind me. He came up to me.
> Prince EchoHeart: "Good morning my sweet blueberry!"

MIKE: Oh, Violet Beaureguard in an unknown role!

> He called me that since I had turquoise blue hair with two balls of hair and
> two pony tails streaming down to the ground below me.
> Princess Crystallina: "Hello Muffin!"

SERVO: (Princess) I called him that because he had the intelligence, wit, and
charm of a stale
strawberry muffin.

> Prince EchoHeart: "And how are you Usako?"
> Princess Crystallina: "I am fine,thanks."
> Prince EchoHeart: "How beautiful. A beautiful young woman
> in a garden with the most lovely flowers. I love you Usako."
> Princess Crystallina: "You mean it?"

MIKE: (EchoHeart) Not at all.

> Prince EchoHeart: "Yes."
> Princess Crystallina: "Thank you. Do you think I am beautiful?"

SERVO: Define "beautiful".

> Prince EchoHeart: "Yes, you are. You are the most beautiful young woman I have
> ever seen."

MIKE: [Jeffery T. Spaulding] --and that's not saying much for you.

> Princess Crystallina: "Thank you."
> Prince EchoHeart: "You are welcome my Princess."
> He always considered me as 'his Princess.' I guess that I did since he was
> sworn to protect me from anything or anyone
> that would want to hurt me. Even my friends,

SERVO: Oh, *especially* your friends.

> the Crystal Sailors were also
> sworn to protect me to and considered me as their Princess. I had never
> objected to this, because they were right.

MIKE: (Princess) I am god and there's nothing more to it.

> I did belong to them. Prince
> EchoHeart care for me a lot. He was proud of me for my acomplishments.
> Prince EchoHeart: "I am proud of you sweetheart."
> Princess Crystallina: "Oh yeah? Why?"

SERVO: Because of your accomplishments, you stupid twit!

> Prince EchoHeart: "Because you are beautiful. You are brave, your smart, you
> are charming, you are a very loving person and very warm hearted."
> Princess Crystallina: "You mean that?"

MIKE: (EchoHeart) No, I don't. You're a nasty whore.

> Prince EchoHeart: "Yes I do."
> Princess Crystallina: "Thank you."
> Prince EchoHeart9: "You are welcome."
> Princess Crystallina: "Please Hold me."

SERVO: That does it. These two make Ward and June seem like devil-worshipping
sex feinds.

> Prince EchoHeart held me in his arms. I felt love like never felt from anyone
> else before. I smiled at him.
> Prince EchoHeart: "Your smile is warm as the moonlight."
> Princess Crystallina: "Oh, how sweet...thank you."
> Prince EchoHeart: "I have to go sweetheart. have a good day."
> I felt his lips touch mine and soon that feeling of his lips had left me, but

MIKE: (Princess) --the stench wouldn't go away.

> the wonderful feeling was still there. Then I heard the voice of Makoto
> calling to me.
> Makoto: "Princess?"
> Princess Crystallina: "Huh?"

SERVO: (Makoto) Princess?
MIKE: (Princess) Huh?
SERVO: (Makoto) Princess?
MIKE: (Princess) Huh?

> Makoto: "Do you want to go for a walk?"
> Princess Crystallina: "Sure."
> I walked outside. It was a beautiful day. I walked away from the palace and
> walked to down town and I saw a bunch of teenage school girls. They were about
> 13-15 years of age. They greeted me.
> School Girls: "Good Morning Princess Crystallina!"
> Princess Crystallina: "Hello, Good morning girls"
> I gracefully curtsied to them.

SERVO: (Schoolgirl) What an old fashioned, stupid old hag.

> As I walked by. I continued to walk. I walked
> into a bookstore.

MIKE: Oh, well, *that* required keen mind.
SERVO: Must have hurt.

> Checker 1: "Hello Princess. How may I help you?"
> Princess Crystallina: "I am looking for a good book."
> Checker 1: "How about a fairy tale?"
> Princess Crystallina: "What's a fairy tale."
> Checker 1: "It's a story that's good to read and the stories each has a
> meaning."

SERVO: --unlike this dreck.

> Princess Crystallina: "Do you recommend any?"
> Checker 1: "I do have a good one. It's called Beauty and the Beast."
> Princess Crystallina: "How much is it?"
> Checker 1: "For you...

MIKE: (Checker) Five kilos.

> nothing?"
> Princess Crystallina: "I can pay for it. I have money."
> Checker 1: "It's on us. We'll pay for it."
> Princess Crystallina: "Thanks, but why are you paying for it?"
> Checker 1: "Because you are a Princess, You are a beautiful girl, and no one
> that is royalty should have to pay something. Besides you help our town many
> times so we should help you."

SERVO: I'll bet that if we trace her family tree, sooner or later Marrisa will
pop up.

> Princess Crystallina: "Thank you."
> Checker 1: "You are welcome. I hope you enjoy it."
> Princess Crystallina: "I will,bye."
> Checker 1: "Bye Princess Crystallina."

MIKE: So... what is the point?
SERVO: Forty-two?
MIKE: Nah, no matter *how* I try, I can't figure forty-two into this.
SERVO: Then... it *has* no meaning.

> I then went to a local park, sat under a tree and began to read my book. I
> don't know how long I was sitting there, I then heard a familar voice."
> Ami: "Hello Princess, I see you are reading a book. I am surprised. Are you
> enjoying it?"

SERVO: (Princess) Not *that* much... someone tore all the pictures out. And
these articles are
*awful.*

> Princess Crystallina: "Yes I am thanks."
> Ami: "Welcome. How are you?"
> Princess Crystallina: "I am well,thank you Ami-Chan."

[From right, a KINKO'S EMPLOYEE enters. Very polite, as human relations people
usually are]

EMPLOYEE: Excuse me, I have a delivery for a mister "Crow T. Robot?"
[pronouncing "robot" like rob-at, sounding like "savant"]
MIKE: Sorry, he isn't here-- *say,* WAIT a minute...

> Ami: "Welcome. I got to go. I have an exam to study for. Bye Princess."

[The EMPLOYEE notices the fanfic]

EMPLOYEE: Say... this isn't that good...
SERVO: [sarcastically] How did you know!?
EMPLOYEE: Because... I read these things all the time... these guys, like, sit
in a theater and read these horrible stories...
MIKE: Hey! That's us!

> Princess Crystallina: "Bye Ami."

EMPLOYEE: No, no, no... I mean they're like *forced* to or something...
SERVO: Yeah! We're them!

> Later I went back to the Palace. I met my Prince once more.

EMPLOYEE: No... one of them was like a yellow robot thing... and the other robot
thing was red...
SERVO: That's me!
EMPLOYEE: You're black. [patronizingly] I said *red...* like an apple... and you
could see through his head.

> Prince EchoHeart: "Hello Princess!"
> Princess Crystallina: "Hello EchoHeart-Sama!"
> Prince EchoHeart: "How was your day?"

SERVO: But... but...
EMPLOYEE: So is that "Mister Robot" here?

[SERVO is too busy sputtering to answer, MIKE is for some reason absorbed in the
story]

> Princess Crystallina: "I am good,thanks."
> Prince EchoHeart: "Welcome. I am glad you had a great day.
> I love you Princess."

EMPLOYEE: Excuse me!?

> Princess Crystallina: "Thanks, my heart will always be yours."
> The story closes with Prince EchoHeart embracing me and kissing me.

EMPLOYEE: Yo?!
MIKE: [slowly coming out of it] How much is the bill?

>
> The End.

EMPLOYEE: Err... about five thousand dollars.
[SERVO by now has gotten over it]

>

MIKE: Smashing. [to SERVO] Come on, let's fix Crow's screwup.

> This Episode was completed on: 5/06/98

[as they leave]

SERVO: A day that will live in infamy.
EMPLOYEE: Err, I sorta need to leave... can you mail the check?

[MIKE mumbles something to the affirmitive]

>

[1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL]

[CROW is waiting behind the desk with a piece of paper in front of him as MIKE
enters from right]

CROW: Hello, Mike.
MIKE: [controlling himself] Hello. Crow.
CROW: I'm sure you're wondering why I left the theater... [waits for MIKE to
reply, but MIKE just stares] ...so, I guess I'd better tell you. I went to
Kinko's--
MIKE: Just where did you find a Kinko's?
CROW: On Earth. Duhh. Where else?
MIKE: Oh. That's nice. HOW DID YOU GET TO EARTH?
CROW: I just stuck out my thumb and, WHOOSH.
MIKE: Oh. Of course.
CROW: And anyways, I went to Kinko's and--
MIKE: [cutting him off] THEN WHY DON'T WE ESCAPE!?
CROW: Well, ahh, err... Mike, I'm sorry, but... on the way back, I accidently
killed the driver. I'm sorry. It's probably in all the papers by now, not to
mention a warning in "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy..."
MIKE: [subdued] Oh. Of course. Do go on.
CROW: Anyway, I made five hundred thousand copies of a petition I happened to
think up. [Camera [moves left, to show several large boxes overflowing with
papers.]
MIKE: [still subdued] Wonderful.
CROW: Ahh, shall I read one? Splendid. Ahem.

Dear Crystal Knight. By signing my name at the bottom, I hereby protest
the incredibly boring situations you created in "Magic Holidays," and thus
protest against any further stories which you may be thinking of writing.
Sincerely, (blank).

MIKE: [still subdued] What a wonderful work of art.
CROW: I know. Anyway, my plan is to distribute these to people everywhere,
encouraging them to sign and thus rid the world of the agony that is *any* story
by The Crystal Knight.
MIKE: [snaps out of it] AND JUST HOW IN THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO MAIL THEM!?
CROW: Well, I figured that I'd mail them while on Earth, but I apparently forgot
your wallet, which I needed for the stamps... and, well... [pauses] Yeah, I'm
afraid we're stuck with them.

[MIKE begins sobbing.]

[DEEP 13]

[DR. F is looking on with pleasure]

DR. F: Well, I see my latest experiment has reduced you to tears... again...
wow, this makes two out of three for me... the experiment is a success.

[SOL]

[MIKE is too far gone to hear or comprehend]

[pause, as MIKE weeps]

CROW: Ahem?

[DEEP 13]

DR. F: Oh, yes, your payment... well, thanks to you, Mike has broken down twice
in the last three weeks... so I'll give you what we agreed on: Five hundred
thousand waffles, plus a toaster.

[he goes over to the UMBILICUS. Next to it are thousands of waffles. He begins
shovelling them in, handfuls at a time. On the SOL, we hear MIKE sobbing, "Oh,
no..." as the already crowded living space becomes more and more precious. Fade
out to credits, over which the sounds of DR. F shovelling waffles can be heard.]

HEAD GRUNTS:
Writer:
WereTorgo (B.G.)
Director:
WereTorgo (B.G.)
Additional riffs by:
John Ford
The Space Cow
Proofers to whom I owe my life:
John Ford
Brian Dubic
The Space Cow
Proofer MIA:
Eric Schepers

CAST:
Michael J. Nelson:
Himself
Voice of Crow:
Trace Beaulieu
Voice of Tom Servo:
Kevin J. Murphy
Voice of Gypsy:
Jim Mallon
Doctor Clayton Forrester:
Trace Beaulieu
Tv's Frank:
Frank Conliff

And special guest...
John Winn as Kinko's Employee.

SPECIAL THANKS:
Jamie
Adam Cadre
Nick
Emily
The History Hall Gang
Fink, Mac, and Pig
The other Mac
Schwab

BRAINS:
Kevin Murphy, Michael J. Nelson, Mary Jo Pehl, Paul
Chaplin,
Jim Mallon, Patrick Brantsberg, Bill Corbett, and Bridget Jones
(Plus 100 others who I forgot)

BORING LEGAL CRAPOLA:
MST3000, its characters, and the characterizations of above,
are fully created & owned by Best Brains International.

Keep the archive running

___ ___
( _`\ ( _`\
| (_) ) | ( (_)
| _ <' | |___
| (_) ) _ | (_, ) _
(____/'(_)(____/'(_)
A B.G. Production.

> Princess Crystallina: "Hi, what are you making Makoto?"
> Makoto: "Fudge."