[MiSTing] Bill Gates, Anti-Christ (Part 2 of 2)

[gad...@angelfire.com]

[...continued from part 1]

> Wouldn't be
> surprise if Bill Gates was "The Antichrist",

CROW: [As author] Despite my subject line --

> after all it
> was already foretold in the Bible that someone powerful
> would rise up and lead the world to destruction.

MIKE: And since it looks like President Clinton's term may
end just short of him reaching that goal --

> And Bill
> Gates definitely have that kind of power in his hands.

TOM: Windows: The Hands of Gates.

> More than 80% of the world's computers run on Windows and
> DOS (including those at Pentagon!)

CROW: And did you notice that a pentagon is at the center of
a pentagram? And that if you connect the internal
angles of a pentagon, you get a pentagram? And --
I'm just guessing here, mind you -- I'd bet that eloi 7
here would regard that as an occult tie-in.
MIKE: Wow, nice catch there, Crow.
TOM: I wonder why the author himself didn't catch that.
MIKE: Probably too busy with his calculator and playing Doom.
TOM: Or maybe he thought it would be self-evident?
CROW: Tom, this guy bothered to spell out what "ASCII" stood for.
TOM: Good point.

> If all his products
> have some kind of small program embedded (like this Hall
> of Tortured Souls)

TOM: Then imagine all the tax dollars being wasted in disk
storage for these useless features! It's horrifying!

> that can give him control, setting off
> nuclear arsenals, creating havoc in security systems,
> financial systems all over the world, etc......

MIKE: Jeez, talk about Revenge of the Nerds!

> All from
> his headquarters isn't a far of reality!

CROW: Depending on your definition of "reality."

> Just using
> Internet.

MIKE: [As Bill Gates] Let's play Global Thermonuclear War.
CROW: [Automatonic voice] Wouldn't you prefer a good game of
chess?
MIKE: Later. Let's play Global Thermonuclear War.
CROW: Fine.

> Explorer may just allow him to map out what you
> have on your computer bit by bit each time you log on.

TOM: Don't be silly. That's what the online registration
program is for!

> Perhaps the end times are near and this is just a tip of
> the iceberg!?

CROW: Oh, great, another _Titanic_ fan.

> Quote from the Bible: "He also forced
> everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave,

MIKE: To read wildly speculative Usenet posts --

> to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so
> that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark,

TOM: For the Haunted One won't take American Express --

> which is the name of the beast or the number of his name.
> This calls for wisdom.

CROW: Call for wisdom! Call for wisdom!

> If anyone Has insight, let him
> calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number.

MIKE: Oh, man, he's got our number.

> His number is 666."...Revelations 13:16-18. See.... It
> is something for you to think about....

TOM: [As Winnie-the-Pooh] Think...think...think...

> if the Bible, in
> the Book of Revelation says that without the sign of the
> beast one would not be able to buy, sell, do business
> transactions, etc. then. My question to you know is
> this..... Is Internet now a necessity in doing business?

CROW: Uh, well, it sure as heck helps.
MIKE: I just wish it were as helpful in combining sentence
fragments in Usenet posts.

> The Internet also bears the sign... Note that the Internet
> is also commonly known as the World Wide Web or WWW...
> One other way we write W is V/(VI)

TOM: Excuse me ... WHAT?
CROW: Oh, sure, I use "VI" instead of "W" all the time. Watch:
"VIhy Do VIe Read VIeird VIritings?"
MIKE: Why am I suddenly reminded of Bela Lugosi?

> so ...... W W W -VI VI
> VI = 6 6 6.

MIKE: Ohhhh, now I understand -- HUH?
TOM: Actually, I saw something like this somewhere else, but
they claimed that "W" was like the sixth letter of the
Hebrew alphabet and so "WWW" equaled "666."
CROW: Oh, of course, that makes *much* more sense.

> This gives me something to ponder upon...

TOM: Crow, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
CROW: I think so, Tom, but how can you "really just relax" if
you never "laxed" in the first place?

> Isn't everything going Towards the Internet? (i.e.,
> buying/selling goods, business transactions)

CROW: True, the Internet *is* becoming the great black hole
of modern commerce and culture.

> Isn't
> Microsoft always on the move to have a monopoly when it
> comes to software technology? And now the Internet?

MIKE: Microsoft? Monopoly? Nooooo -- they're just a good,
tough competitor whose success is achieved by old-
fashioned business acumen who would never *dream*
of using any tactics that could *possibly* be
construed as lacking in integrity or ethics.
TOM: Uh-huh. You're still waiting to hear back from Microsoft
from that job application you sent in, aren't you?
MIKE: Well, yeah, how'd you guess?

> Revelation also says that the mark of the beast will be
> carried on one's Hand and one's forehead..... If the
> Internet would indeed be the sign of the beast aren't we
> all starting to carry it on our hands and foreheads???
> Screens (forehead) and make use of the mouse (hand)???

CROW: Oh, come on, that'd be a stretch for Reed Richards.

> Are
> things finally falling into place or are we just letting
> our imagination run???

TOM: Given that choice, I'd have to opt that "our imagination"
has developed a case of the runs.

> Remember, the devil came to cheat,
> steal, and to destroy.......

MIKE: Fortunately, he lost a lot of his confidence when Johnny
beat him in that fiddling contest.

> so be VIGILANT about Bill
> Gates and Microsoft.

CROW: Hummm, Mike, if we're being VIGILANT about Gates, does that
make him a VIGILANT-EE?
MIKE: Now *that's* a scary thought.

>
> ONLY THE TRUE GOD CAN STOP BILL GATES, AND JESUS WILL

TOM: Yes, Netscape's prayers WILL be answered!
CROW: But you know, that might explain how Sun Microsystems
got its name. Get it? Jesus -- the "Sun" of--
MIKE & TOM: [As if in pain] O-h-h-h-h--
TOM: That was *really* bad, Crow.
CROW: I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have been watching that
old Star Trek episode about the 20th century Roman
Empire and the sun worshipers earlier.
MIKE: Anyway, I think one of *our* prayers has been answered.
CROW: How's that?
MIKE: We can leave the theater now.
TOM: Thank Heaven!

[Mike picks up Tom and they exit theater.]

...o...2...3...4...5...6...*

[SoL. Bridge. Tom and Crow are working on the computer
that sits on the console. Mike enters.]

MIKE: Hey guys. What're you doing now?

CROW: Hi Mike. We've found this computer program which
allows you to enter a name and it gives back the
sum of its ASCII characters.

TOM: Yeah. For example, did you know that the sum for "al gore"
is 666? Think that's significant? After all, he *did* invent
the VIorld VIide VIeb, didn't he?

CROW: Aha! Clever of the Beast to disguise his charisma
behind that inept and disarmingly wooden exterior.

TOM: You know who'd be even more disarming? Dan Quayle.
Unfortunately, "DANQUYALE" adds up to 676.

CROW: Well -- maybe his arithmetic is only as good as his spelling
and he has the same problem with his tens column as he does
with his "e"'s.

TOM: Hey, yeah! Maybe that whole dumb thing is just an act and the
"potatoe" incident was just dropping a clue for those who are
*really* wise!

TOM & CROW: Hummmmmmmmm...

MIKE: Come on, wise guys. People have been playing with different
numbering systems to "prove" different people were the
Anti-Christ for centuries, from Nero to the Popes to Napoleon
to Hitler to Gorbachev and lots in between. This ASCII thing
is just the latest gimmick.

TOM: Yeah. I wonder if eloi 7 would be surprised to learn that
the ASCII codes for "HOLYBIBLE" total 666.

CROW: Oh, and Mike, speaking of alternate numbering systems, just
the other day I was reading another Usenet post where someone
"proved" that Barney the Dinosaur was the Anti-Christ.

MIKE: Really? How did they do that -- although now that you bring it
up it *does* make a lot of sense.

CROW: Okay, Barney is a "CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR", right?

MIKE: Well, I guess --

CROW: So you convert the "U"'s to "V"'s, since the ancient Romans
had no "U"'s in their alphabet --

TOM: Ancient Romans? Why are you --

CROW: And that gives you "CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR". Okay, now you
extract the letters that are also Roman numerals, CVVLDIV,
add them up, and you get 666!

MIKE: Oh, come on. That's worse than any of eloi 7's calculations.

TOM: Yeah. Heck, going back to the ASCII thing, I could take the
codes for "C.T. ROBOT" and get 665. Now, Crow, are you the
first C.T. Robot ever made?

CROW: Of course!

TOM: There you have it. He's C.T. Robot the first, so we add 1 and
get 666. And so, although many have suggested it, we've now
*proven* Crow is the Anti-Christ!

MIKE: Well, I guess that would help explain why he occasionally
feels compelled to make such horny riffs.

CROW: Hey!

TOM: Or, we can drop back to lower case and we have an even better
candidate.

MIKE: Who's that?

TOM: "pearl f".

MIKE & CROW: [Nodding in agreement] Ahhhhh.

CROW: Now *that's* what you call a revelation.

MIKE: But not totally unexpected.

TOM: Amen to that.

[The mads light begins flashing.]

MIKE: Hey, speak of the devil. [Hits light] Hello, Mrs. F.
How're you and the Beastly Boys doing?

[CF. Great Hall. Pearl is standing by herself facing us.]

PEARL: Very cute, guys. Like I'm supposed to be impressed by
a little nitwit numerology. I just wish I *did*
have some supernatural connections, so I wouldn't be
standing here wondering when Pale Rider will be back
with that --

[Pearl stops talking and stares off to her left, on her face
a look of incredulity. A moment later Bobo enters from that
side, carrying the shovel (now dirty), and followed by
a man in a dark suit but with bare feet and covered by dust
from head to toe. He is looking about him at the castle
surroundings with awe.]

BOBO: I'm sorry, Lawgiver. I tried to dig up Orson Welles,
but the security guards wouldn't let me. After they
beat me up I asked if they new of any other famous
movie people who made films with ominous-sounding
narrators and lots of stock footage, and they told me
about this guy. I found his gravesite and was able
to spirit him away without being detected. Anyway,
Lawgiver, meet Ed Wood.

PEARL: Ed Wood!? THE Ed Wood!?

ED: [Suddenly focusing on Pearl] Why, yes! You've heard
of me?

PEARL: [Shaking Ed's hand] HEARD of you!? You're a LEGEND
around here!

ED: [Delighted] I can't tell you how much hearing that
from someone means to me! I'm sorry, your name was --

PEARL: Pearl. Pearl Forrester. And this is my ancestral
castle.

ED: [Looking about him again] Wow! This would make
such a *great* location for a movie!

[Observer enters from the other side of the picture,
carrying a film case in his right hand and his brain
tray in his left.]

OBSERVER: Well, madam I was able to find --
[Notices Ed] Good heavens! Who is this?

BOBO: This is Ed Wood, the famous director!

ED: [Raising an index finger] AND producer, AND writer,
AND actor --

BOBO: Of course, sorry. Anyway, I dug him up and
brought him back to life.

OBSERVER: WHAT!? You RE-ANIMATED him!?

BOBO: [Chuckles and nudges Ed] Ho-ho! He thinks
he's so smart, and he can't even tell the
difference between live action and cartoons!

OBSERVER: No, I meant -- how could *you* have the technology --

BOBO: Well, me and other members of my "stupid"
species revived the Lawgiver, didn't we?

PEARL: That *is* true -- I knew there was *something* useful I
kept him around for. But anyway, Ed, this is Brain Guy.

OBSERVER: Actually, I prefer "Observer" -- [Moves to take Ed's
outstretched hand but realizes that both of his are full.
He holds the film case out to Pearl and addresses her]
Er, Madam, here is that Orson Welles film you had me
retrieve -- where would you like me to put it?

[Pearl opens her mouth, pauses for a moment, then shuts
it and shakes her head.]

PEARL: You guys are so gullible it's not even fun to exploit you.
Here. [She takes the film case from Observer's hand]
With Ed here around, who needs some stupid Orson Welles film!
[She tosses the can off-camera, where we hear it clatter to
the floor.]

ED: [Staring at Pearl, aghast] You -- you prefer me
over -- over ORSON WELLES?

PEARL: Of course! You're just the type of movie maker
we're looking for! Work for me, Ed. I may not pay
a whole lot --

BOBO & OBSERVER: [Mumbling] You can say *that* again.

PEARL: [To Bobo & Observer] SHUTTUP! [Back to Ed] But
you'll have full artistic control to do -- that
magic that you do. Of course, you don't mind granting
me full rights to show any films you make from
here on as many times as I like to as many people
as I like, do you?

ED: [Overcome] Oh, of course not! If you only knew how
long I've waited for appreciation like -- [Lowers his
head on Pearl's shoulder and starts weeping.]

PEARL: [Patting Ed's back] There, there, now -- [Turns and
whispers to Observer] We're on our way! We'll have
the will of viewers around the world broken in no time!
[To us] Oh, and Nelson. Prepare yourself for some
*very* special world premiers!

[Pearl begins laughing. Then Observer, taking his cue, joins
her. Then Bobo, a few moments later, joins them. After several
more seconds Ed lifts his head off of Pearl's shoulder, no longer
weeping. The laughter abruptly stops and they look at Ed
expectantly.]

ED: [Feeling the fabric of Pearl's blouse where he had been
resting his head] Do you have anything in angora?

[Fade out. Roll credits and play closing theme.]

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> One other way we write W is V/(VI) so ...... W W W -VI VI
> VI = 6 6 6.

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