The same gelantinous tapeworms that DEMANDED these...
Several years ago, Marvel started on its quest for world domination
by
vowing to release one, two or more Marvel superhero movies a year.
Seems like a natural progression, since comic books translate pretty
well into summer blockbusters. Recently, Hasbro has teamed up with
Universal to churn out at least four, though probably more movies
based on board games. Yes, fucking board games.
You may have heard something about this, but to give you the heads
up,
so we don't have to repeat this information, here's a quick roundup
of
the toy and board game movies on the table for the next year or more,
because a quick roundup is all that this deserves.
Monopoly
This one you probably figured was an inevitability at some point,
what
with the huge amount of Monopoly board game varieties and the annual
McDonald's Monopoly game. You've got Mr. Moneybags, some pewter game
pieces and a bunch of property. Can you really make a movie about
that? Ridley Scott's going to try. Yes, read that again. I said
Ridley
Scott will be directing the Monopoly movie. I already want to put my
head in an oven and never come out again.
OH GOD DAMN IT NO
That had BETTER be a prank from Something Awful or a really crappy entry
from Uncyclopedia, because if it isn't, I might be persuaded to grab a can
of kerosene and head for Hollywood to burn the fucking place down myself.
It'd be putting it out of its misery! Holy crap, Monopoly the movie is such
a horrid idea that it wouldn't even make a decent lame Mad TV sketch.