Joss Wants Terminator Franchise
David Milligan
An Open Letter to the Terminator Owners. From a Very Important Hollywood
Mogul
Dear Sirs/Ma'ams,
I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the
movie) (or the new series) (or the one where 'hood' was capitalized 'cause
it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the
'grapevine' that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to
make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke,
this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY
for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.
No, you didn't miscount. That's four -- FOUR! -- zeroes after that one.
That's to show you I mean business. And I mean show business. Nikki Finke
says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here's what I have to say to
Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don't ever notice me. The
Terminator story is as formative and important in our culture -- and my
pretend play -- as any I can think of. It's far from over. And before you
Terminator-Owners (I have trouble remembering names) rush to cash that sweet
cheque, let me give you a taste of what I could do with that franchise:
1) Terminator... of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-traveled TOO far...
back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.)
Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? "Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!"
RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he's a cyborg and he doesn't give
a s#&% about the ring -- it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND
Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he's doing it. This stuff just
comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings
franchise).
2) More Glau. Hey. There's a reason they're called "Summer" movies.
3) Can you say... musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.
4) Christian Bale's John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also
help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)
5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective
in going to the past was to get some. What if there's a lot of future-babies
that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar -- and dollar signs!
6) The movies will stop getting less cool.
Okay. There's more -- this brain don't quit! (though it has occasionally
been fired) -- but I think you get my drift. I really believe the Terminator
franchise has only begun to plumb the depths of questioning the human
condition during awesome stunts, and I'd like to shepherd it through the
next phase. The money is there, but more importantly, the heart is there.
But more importantly, money. Think about it. End this bloody bidding war
before it begins, and put the Terminator in the hands of someone who watched
the first one more than any other movie in college, including "Song of
Norway" (no current franchise offer).
Sincerely, Joss Whedon.
Jim Gysin
David Milligan sent the following on 11/3/2009 4:44 PM:
I keep waiting for this to get funny. But each time I read it, it's
still lame. A for effort, C for execution, F for the decision to
actually release it to the public.
--
Jim Gysin
Waukesha, WI
Thanatos
Jim Gysin <jimg...@geemail.com> wrote:
And F to you as well for expecting a block of text to somehow change if
you wait long enough.
Jim Gysin
Thanatos sent the following on 11/4/2009 6:04 PM:
I keep thinking that I'm just not in the right mood, but if so, I've
been in the wrong mood for days now. :)
William George Ferguson
>I keep waiting for this to get funny. But each time I read it, it's
>still lame. A for effort, C for execution, F for the decision to
>actually release it to the public.
I'm sorry. If you didn't find point number 3 funny, you have a very
different sense of humor from others.
--
"Oh Buffy, you really do need to have
every square inch of your ass kicked."
- Willow Rosenberg
Fallen
> On Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:09:54 -0600, Jim Gysin <jimg...@geemail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>I keep waiting for this to get funny. But each time I read it, it's
>>still lame. A for effort, C for execution, F for the decision to
>>actually release it to the public.
>
>
> I'm sorry. If you didn't find point number 3 funny, you have a very
> different sense of humor from others.
>
It was 'alright', however one ok line in a big block of unfunny text
like that doesn't exactly save it. I'm beginning to wonder if somebody
else ghost writes the jokes for Joss and they died a week before
production on Dollhouse started. Would explain that series and this
effort rather nicely.
Fallen.
Jim Gysin
William George Ferguson sent the following on 11/4/2009 7:40 PM:
> On Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:09:54 -0600, Jim Gysin <jimg...@geemail.com> wrote:
>
>> I keep waiting for this to get funny. But each time I read it, it's
>> still lame. A for effort, C for execution, F for the decision to
>> actually release it to the public.
>
> I'm sorry. If you didn't find point number 3 funny, you have a very
> different sense of humor from others.
If an unknown had posted it, it would have been a "Don't quit your day
job" moment. YMMV, of course. Heck, some people still think that Bob
Sagat is funny.
EGK
I posted pretty much the same ting in rec.arts.tv This is really lame and
kind of explains why the famous Joss humor is missing from Dollhouse. Anyone
check lost and found?
Ian Galbraith
> EGK <m...@privacy.net> wrote in
> news:ncq6f5tt6jhphmtkf...@4ax.com:
> Do we know for sure it's actually Joss' humor that was on BTVS, and not one
> of his co-writers? Because it was on Angel, and that was Greenwald and
> Fury's.
What about Firefly? And actually I thought Angel was less witty that
Buffy anyway.
Dollhouse is less humourous than the others because of the premise.
--
"My theory is that music is good, it's the only religion that delivers
the goods. And anybody who wants to hear any kind of music is entitled to
hear that music because it's good for you 嚙碾 it makes you feel good. If
you like it, go for it. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean
anything 嚙碾 it's a matter of personal taste. - Frank Zappa
Morgoth's Curse
>"David Milligan" <david...@yahoo.com> wrote in news:hcqbop$ig0$2
>@news.eternal-september.org:
>
>> ...I will write a check TODAY
>> for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.
>> ...
>
>What's his obsession with $10.000?
>It's not that much in the movie-industry, so it doesn't make his offer
>sound realistic.
>Heck, i'm willing to pay it for his Buffy-verse, just so I can release it
>into the public domain. :-P
I think that was kind of the point of Whedon's satire. $10,000 in
Hollywood today is barely enough to tip the valet who parks your car
and it certainly is not a serious offer for a franchise.
Morgoth's Curse
--
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Ben Morrow
Quoth Morgoth's Curse <morgoths...@nospam.yahoo.com>:
> On 12 Nov 2009 12:40:07 GMT, MBB <A@B_nd.com> wrote:
>
> >"David Milligan" <david...@yahoo.com> wrote in news:hcqbop$ig0$2
> >@news.eternal-september.org:
> >
> >> ...I will write a check TODAY
> >> for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.
> >> ...
> >
> >What's his obsession with $10.000?
> >It's not that much in the movie-industry, so it doesn't make his offer
> >sound realistic.
> >Heck, i'm willing to pay it for his Buffy-verse, just so I can release it
> >into the public domain. :-P
>
> I think that was kind of the point of Whedon's satire. $10,000 in
> Hollywood today is barely enough to tip the valet who parks your car
> and it certainly is not a serious offer for a franchise.
Maybe someone should start a 'buy Terminator for Joss' fund...
Ben
MBB
@osiris.mauzo.dyndns.org:
>
>
I liked the Terminator series, so I might be willing to donate.
But we should *lease* it to Joss, not give it. So if he gets distracted
with another project again (Firefly sequell?), he won't be able to give it
to Marti Noxon. (we'd end up with only half-naked 888 models every episode
:-P )
On top of that, we could use the lease profits to buy out other projects :-
D
--
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<MBB>-