A Meticulous Analysis of Botany
Plato
Cut to Dot inside the tower, carrying a watering can and throwing open
a window to water some pretty flowers in the attached flowerbox.]
DOT: Ah, what a lovely morning! Hello, little flowers! Isn't this
a wonderful sunny day?
YAKKO: [Coming up looking a bit groggy] @h, are you talking to your plants
again??
WAKKO: [Coming up from the other side, yawning] Why are girls so obsessed
with flowers anyway?!
DOT: [Eyes closed, tilting her nose up] I can't help it if they're cute!
WAKKO: Hmph! What a lot of fuss over a bunch of silly weeds.
DOT: They aren't weeds!
YAKKO: Oh yeah? So what are they then?
DOT: I'm glad you asked...!
[Cue "What are We?" music]
DOT: Wrong tune!!!
[All right, all right, cue "An English Country Garden"]
[The back wall splits down the middle like a stage backdrop,
revealing a vast flower garden behind. Dot merrily skips
out into the garden and starts singing]
DOT: What's to be found growing out of the ground
In an LA County garden?
I'll make a list, and if you know some I've missed,
Too bad -- those ones I'm discardin'.
Monkeyflowers, currants, rose; fuchsia, toyon and mal-lows,
Coral bells and columbine, and blue-eyed grass and grapes for wine;
Poppies all the rage, & half a dozen kinds of sage,
In an LA County garden!
[Dot hugs bunches of flowers and smells them. It's a lovely scene,
I bet you wish you could see it for yourself, huh?]
What kind of bugs, or arachnids, pests, or slugs,
Are in an LA County garden?
The ones I know best (and I'll make up all the rest)
Are these roles that they have starred in:
Bees and fleas and--- [Yakko suddenly drops down on a spider's web in
front of Dot's face and interrupts her (to the tune of ye old Mexican
Hat Dance)]
YAKKO: ...Bees and wasps and fleas and moths, and even the common crane-fly;
Various beetles, green darners and weevils, and spiders you're certain to spy!
You'll find swallowtails, and termites, and snails, Jerusalem crickets, pine sawyers;
And worst of all agents, producers, and actors, and CEOs, and all their lawyers!
[Dot is fuming. Or perhaps I should say fumigating, since the puffs
of smoke shooting out of her ears blast the happy insects swarming
gaily about Yakko as he danced, sending them flea--er, fleeing
straight away amidst a torrent of tiny coughing. Or scampering away,
in the case of a certain rascally rabbit.]
DOT: Stop that! You're ruining my song!!!
YAKKO: Hey, I'm just trying to lend you the benefit of my vast experience...
DOT: I'll give you an experience!! [she whips out a giant flyswatter and
bashes him over the head] Now quit bugging me!
[Dot brushes herself off as she skips over her flattened brother and
tries to get back in time with the music]
What sort of bird do you think you might've heard
In an LA County garden?
I'll reel some off, and if you sneeze or cough,
Then you'd better beg my pardon!
[Dot holds up a finger for birds to alight on, with a vaguely Snow-
Whitish feeling, while others flock twitteringly about her head.
Pan back slightly to see Wakko, his arms crooked and flapping as he
wattles, I mean, waddles into the frame, and interrupts her again
(to the tune of Turkey in the Straw)]
WAKKO: You'll...find... cardinals and vultures, and some hummingbirds and hawks;
And there's sparrows, crows, and waxwings, quails and wrens and auks.
Watch for meadowlarks and cuckoos, and for pigeons, loons, and flick-
Ers -- and each kind of starlet and of songbird and of chick!
[Various showgirls are clustered around Wakko, singing harmony]
DOT: Auuuugggghhh!!! [Shooing them all away] You always spoil my songs!!
Why are you doing this to me?!?
YAKKO: @@@@hhh... 'cause we're your brothers?
WAKKO: [Shrugging in agreement] Brothers, go figure!
DOT: [Through clenched teeth] Ah-ha-heh... well, in that case, *dear
brothers*, take this from me [she pulls an enormous box, wrapped and
bowed, from off-screen] No hard feelings, OK?
Y & W: [Eagerly leaping on the present and whirling around it, tearing off
the wrapping] Of course not! We forgive you!!
[The camera follows Dot down the path as we hear loud sounds of
clanging, exploding, and shrieking coming from behind her]
DOT: ... Flow'rs and plants and bugs and ants, and birds and bees and song and dance;
All of Nature's standard urban beauty and romance:
Plus anvils, mallets, bombs, you'll see I don't have any qualms,
'Bout how I keep a well-stocked yard; in
Fact mess with me, you'll get a sound bombardin';
From what you'll find in my own gar-ar-den!
- David "a rose is a rose is a ro--<CLANG!!!> thanks, I needed that" Green