FANFIC: Tales of the Intermezzo - Dinosaur Tech
Dave Van Domelen
A Transformers Universe Story
copyright 2007 by Dave Van Domelen
based on properties owned by Hasbro
===========================================================================
"intermezzo - n. A brief entertainment between two acts of a play."
- American Heritage Dictionary
"It's getting cramped in here," Zauru complained.
"It's *always* cramped in here," Dairu shot back. "We're in Blaster's
chest, along with a half dozen other Cassettrons, what did you expect? The
Iacon Hilton?"
"I don't know, maybe if he'd finally upgrade to a CD player or MP3
player, we might have a different storage situation, and I wouldn't feel so
hemmed in all the time."
"No sirree! Have you tried being one of those skinny silver disks?
You'd snap in half the first time a Decepticon tried even to look at you
slantwise! I'm waiting until we can upgrade to data cubes like we were back
on Cybertron. At least we don't have to do those stakeouts in the used
record stores anymore. Now *that* was cramped and humid!"
"And that's the truth. Anyway, if I was organic I'd be sweating like a
*pig* in here!"
"Tell me about it. And the noise! I had to go to private channels an
hour ago, Eject wouldn't stop going on about some Daisuke guy and his ten
million dollar arm. Just what I need, some human with 'Dai' in his name
getting famous, people are gonna start asking me if I can pitch, I just know
it."
"Could be worse," Zauru replied.
"Worse? What does Dairu even mean, tell me that, Mr. Smarty-legs! Now,
Dairyu, I could handle, it means something like King Dragon, what a name to
have. But Dairu? Someone tried calling me Dial once, like I was some sort
of telephone. I mean, who even uses a dial phone anymore? It's all punchy
button things."
"Well, Zauru's no prize either. Was Vector Sigma pulling names out of a
paper shredder or something? Kids keep asking me where the Power Rangers
are. What's a Power Ranger? Still, could be worse. I mean, there's
Graphy."
"What's a Graphy, anyway? Poor guy," Dairu sympathized with his fellow
Cassettron, a pterodactyl who was part of the other dinosaur-themed pair that
worked for the Autobots.
"I know what a biography is, or a discography, but just a graphy? Yeah,
it could be worse."
"Yeah, you could be named Slag," Dairu chuckled. "Someone must've
really pissed Wheeljack off that day when he made the Dinobots, to name one
that. Or Sludge! Not as foul-mouthed, but who wants to be named Sludge, I
ask you?"
"At least he gets to be a Brontosaur," Zauru sighed. "I had to be an
Apatosaur, just because Rewind went and told Blaster there's no such thing as
a Brontosaur. Pfui! Everyone knows from a Brontosaur, and I am sick up to
*here* of explaining myself to people. Does anyone tell Sludge he doesn't
really exist?"
"Not twice!"
"Not twice! It's hard to tell someone you don't exist when you've
stomped them into a two-dimensional manifold! But I'm just a little
Apataosaur, I get no respect."
"At least Wikipedia doesn't call your family a 'wastebasket taxon,'"
Dairu groused. "I barely get to hold onto the Iguanodon genus...not that
anyone seems to know I am one! One of the very first dinosaurs the humans
ever discovered, and does anyone even realize I'm supposed to turn into one?
NO! They call me an Allosaurus, or even a 'long foot dinosaur,' like that's
some sort of crack about my feet? Do they look too big to you? Because they
don't look too big to me! They're just the right size for an Iguanodon. And
do they not even notice the thumbspikes? Hello! I'm not some rancid
meat-eater Alice-sore!"
"Oh, what does Wikipedia know?" Zauru finally got a word in edgewise.
"They know how to drive Rewind up the wall, is what they know."
"Hah! You got me there. Did you know Blaster had to revoke Rewind's
internet privs for a whole week after he got into ten simultanous
whaddyacallem 'revert wars' and nearly took down Teletran's trunk line with
all the traffic?"
"Serves him right. Whoa, feel that?"
"Looks like we're getting out of this sweatbox," Zauru said. "About
time, if you ask me!"
"And past time!"
As the front of Blaster's chest opened, two rectangular blocks emerged
and unfolded into minature robotic dinosaurs.
"Dairu, Zauru, get these robo-pests off my back for a minute, willya?"
Blaster asked as they landed in front of the Decepticon Cassettrons, Overkill
and Slugfest.
"Not these guys!" Dairu sighed. "I hate these guys."
"Me not like you much either, whiny Autobots!" Slugfest snarled,
rattling his back plates.
"Still, such names they have," Zauru chimed in. "Overkill, now that's a
name! And he's a Tyrannosaurus rex, everyone knows what that is. They even
know what a Stegosaur is, even if Slugfest isn't quite so good a name."
"Oh, it has something to it, a whaddyacallit pugilistic charm," Dairu
replied.
"I'll give you whaddyacallit!" Overkill snarled, stomping forward and
knocking Dairu to the ground with a slam of his tail.
"Now, see, if my feet really were that long, I'd still be standing, no?"
Dairu muttered as he brought his weapons to bear on Overkill, momentarily
halting the Decepticon's followup attack with a laser barrage.
"Sorry, what'd you say?" Zauru chattered. "Slugfest's vibrocannons are
really rattling my teeth loose here! And have you seen the cost of dental
insurance these days?"
"Oh, it's a crime," Dairu nodded, jumping up and evading a salvo of
motion-seeking missiles from Overkill. "At least we're on the Autobot plan,
but I tried to get a little elective work done last year and Wheeljack gave
me a line about being too busy, so I shopped it around to some other repair
places, and would you believe the prices they wanted?"
"I can believe anything, they're a bunch of crooks!"
"Die!" Slugfest said. "Pay attention and DIE!"
"You suppose we should combine and take care of these two?" Dairu asked.
"Do we have to? It always gives me such a crick in my neck afterward,
the way my face gets used as one of Legout's feet. I mean, who thought up
that design, a mentally retarted masochist with a foot fetish?"
"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?" Overkill bellowed.
Everything came to a standstill.
"What? We're just talking," Zauru finally broke the silence.
"And talking. And *talking.* And TALKING!" Overkill growled.
"Sometimes I think I could rend you into component atoms, and the resulting
clouds of vapor would be grousing about how the wind is too cold or your free
radicals are acting up. We coulda beaten Unicron himself without the damned
Autobot Matrix just by feeding you two to the Chaosbringer...he'd kill
himself just to stop having to listen to you!"
"I don't see the harm in a little conversation," Dairu shrugged. "And
it's not like Slugfest is exactly a member of Toastmasters, no? We have to
keep up our end and his."
"You know what? Slag this. Slag it sideways in the audio sensor. Come
on, Slugfest, we're leaving."
"What? Oh, sure. I guess. Whatever."
As the two Decepticon dinosaurs stomped off, Dairu looked over at
Zauru.
"I wonder if Soundwave's storage space is cramped too."
"I know, those two are so cranky. They musta gotten up on the wrong
side of the tapedeck today."
"The B-side," Zauru quipped.
"Ha! Such a funny 'bot. Come on, it's not a horrible day out, let's go
have a sit-down while we wait for Blaster to call us back...."
=============================================================================
Author's Notes:
This is, I suppose, set between Scramble City and Headmasters, since
Blaster hasn't been rebuilt into Twincast yet (and I'm sure the new, larger
chest compartment will come as a relief to our heroes!). It was written in
response to an AllSpark Fanfic Challenge, to do a story fleshing out the
personalities of some of the Cassettes. I can't even find a translation of
these guys' bio notes, though, so I made 'em up from scratch.
My first exposure to Dairu and Zauru (also called Dial and Zaur) came
from a "Transformers: the Japanese Missions" photo book I got at BotCon 94,
showing all the Japanese TFs, along with a checklist. Not all of the
transliterations were very good, though (i.e. Lodony the Nebulan, more
properly transliterated as Rodney), but I never could figure out what Dairu
and Zauru were supposed to be. The same book did use the -ryu ending
properly for the Dinoforce members, so it couldn't just have been a
mistransliteration, right? And then there were Gurafi and Noizu, which I've
since seen transliterated as Graphy and Noise. But I thought it was really
neat that they were dinosaur combiner tapes, and have always wished they'd
been made available in the U.S.
As to the species, while the actual toy doesn't seem to support it in
any of the photos I've seen, the box art for Dairu clearly shows the
thumbspikes of an Iguanodon. I've seen no actual references to Zauru as an
Apatosaurus, but figured it made for a good kvetch (yes, kvetch...I tried to
make the pair sound as much like stereotypical old Jewish men as possible
without actually tossing in any Yiddish).
Finally, the title for this story comes from an article in the Columbus
Dispatch that I was interviewed for back in grad school, "Dinosaur
Technology". It was about things like adding machines, typewriters and slide
rules, and I got in for my slide rule collection (which can be seen at
http://www.eyrie.org/~dvandom/slide if you're interested, not that it's
relevant to the story).
Grebo
Your fanfics are just about the only ones I genuinely like.
Keep it up! More!!!
Grebo
Derik 'Inessi' Smith
How'd you decide on Iguanadon for Dial? I always favored
Hypsilophodon for his scout function.
Overkill is always hilarious, I loved to see him finally get some face-
time in G.I. Joe vs. the Transformers.
And since you couldn't find translated specs... these are Neal
Davidson's. (proceed with due caution.)
Dial
Cybertron Natural Resource Scout
STR 5 RNK 5
INT 6 CRG 5
SPD 8 FPR 7
END 7 SKL 8
Fleet of foot, can run at up to 200 km/h in
dinosaur mode. Both thumbs contain sensors
that can rapidly detect energy. Cheerful and
brimming over with curiosity, Dial sometimes
gets too carried away in his duties, leading to
major system failures. Carries Wave Blasters.
Combines with Zauru to form Legout.
Zauru
Cybertron Water Source Development
STR 9 RNK 4
INT 4 CRG 6
SPD 2 FPR 6
END 7 SKL 8
Strong in deep ocean waters, he can dive to
depths of 1,500m. His powerful tail can shatter
tall buildings in a single blow. Normally docile,
despite having the greatest physical strength
of the Autobot cassette dinosaurs. He has an
unexpected affection for squirrels and little
birds. Makes use of standard cannons.
Legout
Cybertron Records Fusion Warrior
STR 8 RNK 5
INT 8 CRG 7
SPD 5 FPR 7
END 6 SKL 8
Formed from Dial and Zauru, contains a
supercomputer that records information
connected with Cybertrons and the Autobots.
The Wave Blasters on his shoulders can
paralyze Decepticons' auditory receptors.
A polar opposite of his big brother Decibel,
Legout is cheerful and easily enthused. His
hobby is listening to rock music. Carries Wave
Blasters
Graphy
Cybertron Aerial Intelligence
STR 6 RNK 3
INT 4 CRG 5
SPD 5 FPR 8
END 8 SKL 6
Flies at up to 250 km/h, and his beak can open
up large holes in anything. The calmest among
his teammates. His eyesight while aloft
is incredible, allowing him to spot a baseball
from 300 m up. Carries laser gun. Links
together with Noise to form Decibel.
Noise
Cybertron Forest Investigation
STR 8 RNK 5
INT 2 CRG 6
SPD 6 FPR 6
END 6 SKL 6
Takes it easy when moving, but his claws and
fangs are the strongest of all the cassettes.
The most violent of cassettes. While not as
strong as Zaur, he has the best kicking power.
Respects the Dinobot Grimlock. Carries Fire
Blaster.
Decibel
Cybertron Intelligence Warrior
STR 8 RNK 5
INT 4 CRG 6
SPD 5 FPR 6
END 6 SKL 6
Possesses Graphy's speed and Noise's power.
The Fire Blasters on his shoulders emit a heat
of 9000°C and can melt through 10-cm steel
plate in 5 seconds. Follows Twincast's orders
faithfully, but his other teammates find him
rather straight-laced. Legout, the other
cassette combiner warrior, is his younger
brother.
-Derik
Dave Van Domelen
Derik 'Inessi' Smith <ReGen...@aol.com> wrote:
>Awww... that was cute.
>
>How'd you decide on Iguanadon for Dial? I always favored
>Hypsilophodon for his scout function.
It's the thumb spikes, which apparently are in the techspecs you pasted
in. :) Thanks for those...wow, I would have had a hard time making mine
more different from the canonical personalities if I'd known and been
trying. Heh.
Dave Van Domelen, was a kid before the modern interpretation really
caught on in popular culture, so still thinks of Iguanodons as clumsy bipeds
full time.
Kil - Michael McCarthy
news:ev5mvc$gvv$1...@haven.eyrie.org...
> Tales of the Intermezzo - Dinosaur Tech
> A Transformers Universe Story
> copyright 2007 by Dave Van Domelen
> based on properties owned by Hasbro
> ===========================================================================
>
> "intermezzo - n. A brief entertainment between two acts of a play."
> - American Heritage Dictionary
Story was great, as usual for your Tales.
> "Still, such names they have," Zauru chimed in. "Overkill, now that's
> a
> name! And he's a Tyrannosaurus rex, everyone knows what that is. They
> even
> know what a Stegosaur is, even if Slugfest isn't quite so good a name."
I thought Overkill was a ceratosaur? (Or something like that.)
-Kil
Dave Van Domelen
Irony, you see. ;)
Dave Van Domelen, notes you're the second to bring that up. Probably
should add to the Author's Notes....