Let's Write a Transformers Movie
ahsan.sa...@gmail.com
There was a discussion of Transformers movies in one of the threads
(by Dezarus), and I thought it'd be fun if we could write out our own
movie, just for the hell of it. Like every fandom, we are subject to
such tropes as "Ruined Forever", "They changed it and now it sucks"
and "TRUK NOT MUNKY". So, I figured we could toss some ideas, and see
if we can't decide what would make a good movie.
However, just like every other undersized tyrant, I have a few rules.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way it'll have to be. Live with it.
1- No retcons. What happened in the movies, happened, for good or bad.
Comics don't really count because they're always contradicted by the
movies (Barricade, f'rinstance) anyway. If you want to keep to them,
go ahead.
2- A minimum of gimmicks / Deus Ex Machina. It's a cheap way of doing
things, and we can surely do better than that. So, that means no
Unicron, unless he can be justified really, really well.
There was a third, but I'll be damned if I can remember it. Oh well.
I'm sure it'll come to me.
Okay, here's how the movie starts:
******
We open to a music store, where an employee is dumping a bunch of
cassettes that didn't sell even in clearance. He/She walks away after
leaving the box in the back room. The store closes, the lights are
turned out, everyone leaves, and a security guard is shown making his
rounds. As he moves away from the store, one of the cassettes in the
back room jumps out of the box, and transforms into a mechanical bat
RATBAT. RATBAT flies into the store proper, and scans one of the
digital cameras on display. It scraps the old camera, and takes its
place. We pull away to outside the mall, where a girl is speaking on
her cellphone, on which we can see a familiar logo. We pull away
further to an office building, where the mouse attached to a computer
transforms into a robot and starts hacking into the network. We pull
away further, onto a airplane where a child is listening to music on
headphones on which we see a purple flash before...
We pull away to Earth orbit, the network of lights on the night-side
like a crystal lattice against the emptiness of space. And there is
SOUNDWAVE in satellite mode, like a giant claw about the engulf the
world.
******
That's all I got. Post your suggestions/ideas!
TigerMegatron
Viewers open to a TF3 movie where the Decepticons are victorious.
10 years have passed since the ROTF movie time line.
the decepticons led by Galvatron & his loyal lietuenants Cyclonus &
Scourge. decepticon combiner predaking composed of 5 jungle predacon
animals.
the entire human race has been made into mindless slaves by the ROTF
doctor & 3 G-1 insecticons.
the decepticons are forcing the mindless human slaves to help build
more decepticon robots,more weapons,space ships & various space
bridges. all of earth resources are being used to build all of this.
the decepticons led by galvatron plan to use the earth built space
bridges to enter cybertron. used the newly created robots+weapons
+ships to defeat autobot rule on cybertron & controll the universe.
a bunch of autobots from TF1 & ROTF are shown dead,deactivated & made
into cruel sculptures all thru the TF3 movie.
There's a bunch of flash back scenes showing galvatron gloating over
past events & showing viewers how the autobots lost.
a bunch of elite autobots get a distress signal & head for earth.
the elite crew of autobots led by Ultra Magnus . sharp shooter
blurr,military helicopter springer. old guy Kup. second in command
hotrod. combiner dinoking composed of 5 G-1 dinobots.
The elite autobots battle the decepticons led by galvatron.
hotrod finds optimus prime buried beneath a building barely alive.
optimus gives the matrix to hotrod & tells him to use the matrix to
light our darkest hour. optimus prime then dies.
a final battle between galvatron & rodimus prime.
sam & mikeala are shown in various flash back scenes as getting ripped
to shreds by the predacons.
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
> Post your suggestions/ideas!:
>
> Viewers open to a TF3 movie where the Decepticons are victorious.
> to shreds by the predacons.
I have to admit, I do like the idea, but it might be a bit too trippy
to be turned into a modern-type movie. I especially don't think
they'll make a movie with the dork and his Super-Hot (tm) girlfriend
Megan Fox (who, incidentally is Super-Hot) getting shredded.
Besides, there's too much backstory for a 2.5 hour movie.
Tell you what, make another thread, and we'll stick in ideas on what
the Transformers Movie-verse /should/ have been.
Gustavo Wombat
Four years have passed, and they have been hard on Sam Witwicky. He
now sports an eyepatch and a scar down the right side of his face, and
a beard with no mustache. We open on him waking in an old house near
dawn, grabbing his cane, and setting about his morning making a quick
breakfast of a chunk of bread and some jam, and then milking the cows.
A voice calls from the distance -- "Witwicky! Witwicky!"
"In the barn!"
A man ten years Sam's elder, but much more nimble enters. Beard, no
mustache, broad black hat. blue shirt, black pants. "I went to town,
picked up your mail."
"Thanks, Amos," Sam said, taking the envelope, and seeing the return
address. It was from his mother.
"News from the outside world?"
"Is there any other kind of news?"
"Don't suppose there is. There's a barn raising for old man Lapp
tomorrow."
Sam pursed his lip a little. "I'm not much of a help with that."
"Oh, come. We won't make you do any heavy lifting with your leg acting
up. You can help the girls with the food. Annie Lapp will be there.
She fancies you and your exotic worldly ways..."
"Old man Lapp doesn't fancy me."
"Oooh, she's 28 and still not married. I think old man Lapp will fancy
anyone she fancies soon enough."
"Ok, I'll be there."
"I'll drop by on my way, in case your leg is still bothering you."
"Thanks."
Amos left, and Sam opened the letter and began to read:
"Dear Sam,
I don't know how to say this, but your father isn't doing well. His
latest round of chemotherapy took a lot out of him, but the doctors
say the cancer is still there. He reads your last letter over and
over. It would mean to world to him to hear your voice again. I know
you can't touch any electronics anymore without everything going
wrong, but maybe you could get someone in town to set up a speaker
phone.
I saw Mikeala the other day. I know you still love her, and I know you
want her to be happy, and I think she is. She just got engaged to a
nice man -- a dentist -- a little dull, but nice. I know it must be
hard to read that, but I know you want her to move on.
Mojo has been annoying your father a lot. He wants to know why the
Amish don't have chihuahuas. He's offered to come drop off Mojo just
as soon as he is feeling better.
Write soon. Call if you can.
Love,
Mom"
Sam cried as he read, and remembered the last time he held a phone --
the Allspark energies within him set it to life, and he lost an eye.
Mikaela's phone had gotten tangled in her hair and sliced apart her
ear. There was something wrong with the Allspark, it only generated
evil.
And he remembered the last words that she had said to him, before he
left: "I'd follow you anywhere, but not to Pennsylvania." It was funny
when she said it, and he had held out hope that she would follow him,
but she never did.
TigerMegatron
I liked the fact sam has a amish type beard with no mustache.
greenboy & a few of my family relatives live in pennsylvannia,perhaps
they'll run into sam while shopping at walmart.
personally I would of had sam marry mikela. then to have sam come home
from work to find mikela in bed with another man.
Thunder Strikes Twice!
<snip>
Sorry, that had too much plot and not enough explosions. Maybe Megatron
can show up and kill a bunch of cattle? Y'know, just to make things more
exciting for the audience... btw, do the Amish have hookers? That might
be something we could add too.
- Mike Bay
----
Now with more salt!
www.karmicsalt.com
Buy my book!
www.cafepress.com/tkthunder
Gustavo Wombat
> Gustavo Wombat wrote:
>
> <snip>
>
> Sorry, that had too much plot and not enough explosions. Maybe Megatron
> can show up and kill a bunch of cattle? Y'know, just to make things more
> exciting for the audience... btw, do the Amish have hookers? That might
> be something we could add too.
>
> - Mike Bay
Sam grabbed at his leg, winching in pain. He'd had the metal pins in
his leg for years, since an accident as a boy, but lately the Allspark
energy within him kept making them hurt, trying to transform them --
they were solid pins and there was nothing for the Allspark to act on,
but sometimes it tried anyway. This had been happening a lot lately,
as if the Allspark were growing desperate.
He looked at the sun, it wasn't even noon. If he hitched the horse up,
he could get into town in about 2 hours, plenty of time for a phone
call. He didn't like to go into town in the best of situations, but if
he was careful, it would be fine. He wouldn't get all his chores done,
but the animals were fed and that was the important thing.
He grabbed some money, hitched up an old horse he named Bumblebee to
the cart, and headed in. His leg had stopped hurting, and he
considered leaving the cane, but grabbed it just to be safe.
Two hours later, he was tying up the buggy in town, and heading over
to Sheriff Paterson's. The Sheriff was a good, indulgent man, who
thought Sam was a little crazy, but humored him. And he had a speaker
phone.
He knocked on the door and entered. "Good afternoon, Sheriff."
"Afternoon, Sam. Everything all right out by your farm?"
"Pretty good. Big barn raising tomorrow for old man Lapp."
"Sounds pretty nice. What can I do for you?"
"I need to use the phone."
"The siren call of technology luring you back?"
"No, it's my father. I got a letter. His chemo isn't going well."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Take my office, take all the time you need."
"Could you dial it, and put it on speaker for me. I don't like to
touch machines."
"You're a funny one, Sam Witwicky. You got the number right there?"
Sam handed him the number, the sheriff dialed, and the phone started
ringing. The sheriff stepped out of the room. Sam heard his mother's
voice for the first time in ages.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mom, it's me Sam."
"Oh, Sam! How are things out there?"
"Pretty good. There's a barn raising a little ways away, and this girl
Annie will be there..."
"Annie? Who is Annie? Oh, that's great! I never though my son would be
settling down with the Amish."
"Mom, we're just friends, we haven't even started courting yet..."
"Courting? Why don't you sound like the dapper 19th century
landowner!"
"Is Dad around?"
"He's a little out of it, he took his pain meds about 20 minutes ago,
but I'm sure he'll be happy to hear your. He'd probably be happy to
hear the dog barking right now, to be honest..."
"How's he doing?"
"Not good. It's mostly the chemo, though. The doctors say he has a
good chance. He wants to see you when he's feeling better."
"I don't want him to strain himself."
"Sam Witwicky, don't you dare try to deny him this."
"No, no, I want him to come, I just don't want to make him do
something he isn't up for."
"He'll either be healthy enough to come, or sick enough it won't
matter, but he'll come."
"I'm sorry, this has to be really hard on you."
His mother was silent for a moment, and he could hear her sobbing a
little. "Yes it is. Let me get your father before he's completely out
of it."
Sam listened to the thumping of feet on stairs.
"Honey, it's your son"
"Spike?"
"No, Spike was a dog, this is Sam."
"I loved that dog."
"You love Sam too."
"Ok, Sam, here's your father."
"Hey, son, how's it going?"
"Pretty good. Churning butter and all that. It's not so bad once you
get used to it."
"Just remember, you're churning butter to save the world."
"How are you doing Dad?"
"I've been better. Pretty drugged up though. I haven't been this out
of it since the weekend I proposed to your mother. She was so
beautiful, and we were camping in the woods by this waterfall, and she
made these brownies..."
"Honey, that never happened. You proposed to me at a bus stop."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, honey, we missed our transfer downtown and you said 'Hey, we got
time to kill, and the courthouse is open, do you want to get married?'
And I did, so we did."
"Really, I could have sworn it was at a waterfall."
"Honey, you're stoned."
"Well, yeah, but I'm sure it was a waterfall."
"I think I know the difference between a bus stop and a waterfall."
"It must have been someone else then. But that bus stop thing sounds
good too."
"Yes dear, one of your many, many wives before me. I'm sorry Sam, he's
really out of it today."
"No wait, I remember, it was the first time I proposed and you turned
me down."
"No dear, it never happened. I would have remembered that. I don't
know where you're getting all of this, but it never happened."
"Son, how is the butter there?"
"Freshly churned Dad."
"What do the Amish do for fun?"
"Oh, Ron, dear, there's going to be a barn raising and there's going
to be a girl there that Sam likes. Isn't that right, Sam?"
"Mom, stop, you're embarrassing me."
"Is she a looker, Sam?"
"Dad!"
"I just want you to be happy, son."
"They haven't even started courting yet."
"Courting?"
"That's what the Amish do. They court. They don't just hang out at bus
stops proposing to people."
"Buggy stands." Ron Witwicky corrected.
"Why, I'll be he hasn't even seen her ankle yet."
"If I had to judge you by your ankle, I wouldn't have given you a
second look. Luckily you showed me a lot more."
Sam was mortified. "Dad, do you have enough drugs?"
"Most of the time. It still hurts though, but the drugs make it so I
don't care."
"Well, you know what they say 'No pain, no victory.'"
"No one really says that."
"Witwicky motto?"
"Nope. Sounds better than 'Pull my finger' though. That's the Witwicky
motto."
There was a burst of static, and Sam let out a yelp of pain, clutching
his leg.
"Sam, are you alright?" His mother asked.
"Yes, it's the Allspark, I think I better go right now."
As Sam hobbled to the door, he heard his mother call out "We love you"
He stumbled out the door, into the street and bumped into some
tourists and fell down. Big, dumb jock tourists from the University
down the road.
"Hey, watch it Amish-boy."
"Yeah, Jebediah, watch it."
"Sorry," Sam apologized, reaching for his cane.
"Damn right you are, bearded freak."
"Bearded freak, turn the other cheek, bearded freak, turn the other
cheek!"
"Oh, poor Jebediah, are you going to go home and churn your butter?"
"I bet he can't even raise a barn!"
"I bet he likes to watch his livestock."
"I bet he likes to watch his livestock while he makes quilts!"
Sam pulled himself up with his cane. "That's just ... stupid."
One jock punches Sam, Sam jabs the jock with his cane. The jock
strikes again and there's a sudden shock and Sam is knocked backwards
into a parked car.
Sheriff Paterson walks up. "You boys got a problem?"
"The freak ran into us and then spazzed out."
"I had about enough of your kind. Head over from the big college and
hang out making fun of the hicks and pick on the Amish."
"We didn't do anything." The more violent jock said, rubbing his hand
near his wristwatch.
"They said I make quilts." Sam offered.
"Why, that's just stupid," the Sheriff said. "You boys best be out of
here. We don't like stupid people around here."
"We didn't do anything!"
"You boys ever seen 'Deliverence'?"
"No."
The Sheriff sighed. Kids today just don't know their movies.
"You boys ever been sodomized in the back woods?"
"Huh?"
"You boys ever been fucked in the ass and made to squeal like a pig."
The Sheriff rested his hands on his belt, and the college kids looked
at him and backed away.
The one jock let out a cry of pain, and blood began trickling down his
hand. His wristwatch had begun to burrow into his flesh. It
transformed into a tiny, violent robot, slicing his hand off, blood
spurting everywhere.
Behind Sam, he heard the twisting metal of the car he bumped into
transforming, and he began to run.
"Bumblebee! It's happening!"
The horse looked at him vacantly.
"Bumblebee!"
The door of a garage smashed open, and a bright yellow Camaro rolled
out. Bumblebee transformed, aimed a cannon at the wristwatch and blew
it to smithereens.
The car finished transforming into a spikey mess of a robot. Bumblebee
turned his attention towards it, but it already had its missile
launchers primed. It shot Bumblebee in the face, and the brilliant
explosion made Bumblebee stumble backwards.
Sam ran. Bumblebee would hold off this new robot and signal the
others, but Sam had to get out of there. Anything electronic he
touched could come to life, so he ran and ran as hard and as fast as
he could towards the fields out of town. He glanced over his shoulder,
and he could see the town exploding behind him.
-------
Ok, how's that? Explosions, sodomy jokes, sexual innuendos about the
Amish, random slurs against the Amish, blood, gore, creepy information
about Sam's parents.... does that fit better into the world of Michael
Bay's Transformers?
Gustavo!
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
----Consigned to Infinity--------
> Bay's Transformers?
>
> Gustavo!
So not what I was looking for. Amusing, certainly, but definitely not
what I had in mind. I don't know about you, but I think I'd rather
watch a movie picked out by my missus. You know, the depressing ones
where everyone mopes about during the beginning, there's a bright ray
of sunshine in the middle, and then everyone dies of consumption at
the end.
Thunder Strikes Twice!
> Ok, how's that? Explosions, sodomy jokes, sexual innuendos about the
> Amish, random slurs against the Amish, blood, gore, creepy information
> about Sam's parents.... does that fit better into the world of Michael
> Bay's Transformers?
>
> Gustavo!
Much "better".
t.k.
TigerMegatron
I must admit I hate shia la beouf as a actor more than the sam
character persona he plays in the TF movies.
he's just a horrible actor who can't act out the emotions properly.
Gustavo Wombat
As Sam runs, he realizes that he is short of breath, and he begins
coughing. He holds his handkerchief over his mouth as he coughs
uncontrollably for a few moments. As he pulls the handkerchief away,
he sees it -- blood. He's coughing up blood.
---------
I'm not sure adding consumption to the story really helps...
Gustavo!
Gustavo Wombat
I don't hate Sam. But the movies are the story of Sam, and that means
some bad things have to happen to him.
From what I remember of the second movie, Transformer MacGuffins have
a strong affinity for Sam -- the Allspark was making him see the
symbols, and there was something with the Matrix. It makes sense for
their to be MacGuffins in Sam by the time a third movie rolls around.
And, since the Allspark seems to only create evil robots, Sam might
need to quarantine himself away from technology, and where better than
among the Amish? And the great thing about attempting to write the
Amish from the perspective of a Transformers movie is that the only
research required is trying to remember "Witness" and then watching
Weird Al's "Amish Paradise". (Also, writing from the perspective of a
Transformers movie means never having to edit)
Mikeala not following him gives dramatic tension when she shows up
again. Sam's Dad's cancer is a little mean, but sometimes life is mean
-- if you're off living with the Amish for a year and a half, you miss
a lot of big things that you wish you were there for, some good, some
bad.
And the eyepatch and beard is to give him an Amish Pirate look, a
combination that hasn't been properly explored.
Gustavo!
(I am, however, baffled by why Shia La Beouf became a star. He's not
incredibly talented or handsome, he's just kind of there. I wish him
no ill-will, but I would prefer him to star in lame comedies that I
have no desire to watch anyway.)
TigerMegatron
star. He's not incredibly talented or handsome, he's just kind of
there. I wish him no ill-will, but I would prefer him to star in lame
comedies that I have no desire to watch anyway.)"
I kinda view shia as the younger versions of gilligian,ernest,pee wee
herman.
shia added nothing unique to his sam perfomances in both TF movies.
Zobovor
> shia added nothing unique to his sam perfomances in both TF movies.
I remember reading in a magazine article or something that they hired
him because he could talk fast. I'm not entirely sure if it was a
tongue-in-cheek remark or not, but it seems as probable as any other
explanation.
Zob
Gustavo Wombat
Gilligan was a classic character. The show is utterly cliche by now,
but only because it was so influential. It's like Hitchcock's "North
By Northwest" -- it's impossible to watch it now and see it as fresh
and interesting as it once was.
And Pee Wee Herman was nothing like Gilligan, other than thin and dark
haired. Pee Wee had a feigned innocence and immaturity with a
malevolence hiding right below the surface. The Transformers character
he is most like is actually probably Animated Bumblebee.
Don't know much about Ernest, except he went to camp.
Gustavo!
TigerMegatron
freaky looking shia is. in relation to the same exact traits
gilligian,pee wee & ernest all possess.
Zobovor
> Ok, how's that? Explosions, sodomy jokes, sexual innuendos about the
> Amish, random slurs against the Amish, blood, gore, creepy information
> about Sam's parents.... does that fit better into the world of Michael
> Bay's Transformers?
It actually does fit surprisingly well into the existing movie
framework, and it had some clever bits to it. I'm a little upset
about it, though, because in accordance with Syed Ahsan Salahuddin's
rules, I'm not allowed to retcon this out of existence—it's canon
now. You're so naughty!
Okay, it's my turn.
***
Elsewhere, in the middle of a busy city intersection, a tow truck with
tinted windows idled at a traffic light. A poorly-tuned station was
playing over its radio, sounding almost as if it were somehow
broadcasting several channels simultaneously. Drivers in both lanes
scowled at the vehicle and its inappropriately loud volume, but
without a clear view of its driver, had no overtly visible target upon
which to direct their road rage.
"...unless the President vetos the new bill, Congress is expected to
pass it as soon as next week, outlawing the development of the new
technology..."
"♪ I ain't gonna worry... I ain't in a hurry... they won't take my
planet... Next time that they scan it... ♫"
"Caller number three, you're on the air. Hello? Ma'am, turn your
radio down, please. Hello, Bob? So what's your take—outer space
visitors, gover'ment conspiracy, or something else? Well, whatever
they are, Bob, somebody needs to do something. I was working, um,
downtown a few years ago when, um, a whole bunch of them crashed into
the window, you know, of my office building? It's a good thing I was
under my supervisor's desk at the time, that's all I gotta say. Why
are they being allowed to just run around out in public? Don't they
have an 'off' switch or something they can hit, y'know? Thanks for
calling."
The tow truck sputtered and fell apart. Or, at least, that was how it
appeared to onlookers, at least for an instant—before the pieces of
the truck began to reassemble themselves in an altogether different
configuration. It assumed a decidedly more vertical orientation,
stood up on two wheels, and traded its windshield in for a
bespectacled mechanical face. The newly-formed machine sidestepped
the traffic pattern as it grumbled to itself.
"Bloody hell. I hate gridlock," Hoist muttered.
Some of the other motorists, including the ones who had been eyeing
the tow truck angrily from the onset, started shouting obscenities at
the extraterrestrial life form. They pelted him with half-eaten
donuts and shoes and 72-ounce drink cups.
"You blokes would all be decaying meat-on-a-stick if it weren't for
us!" Hoist shouted, shaking his green, glistening fist passionately.
He extended to his full height and reached for an underpass, amidst
the torrent of footwear and pastries, flipping himself up and around
on top of it.
"Bloody wankers!" he shouted back before resuming his vehicular
configuration and speeding off in the opposite direction.
***
"The humans no longer trust us. Where once they considered us allies—
even friends—they now regard us as little more than an intrusion.
Their world has been forever changed by an alien invasion... and we
are the alien invaders."
The familiar voice of Optimus Prime boomed from Hoist's speakers as he
sped down Highway 69, pre-empting the multiple Earth transmissions he
was currently receiving. These occasional updates not only served as
a debriefing for wayward warriors who were not currently an active
part of Autobot operations, but also served as a record of their
activities on this planet—a digital archive that would, one day, serve
as a guide for future generations of Autobots not yet born.
"Despite the protests of this planet's leaders, we remain on this
world, determined to wipe out the last remainders of the Decepticon
forces. Anything less than complete extermination of our enemies is
unacceptable—for if we were to leave this planet with even a single
Decepticon remaining, it would spell certain doom for this delicate,
fragile organic race.
"I blame myself," Optimus continued. "Were it not for my arrogance,
my own shortsightedness, we would already have won. For now, however,
the most dangerous of the Decepticons remains, lurking somewhere in
this solar system...perhaps even somewhere on this planet...and he
must be located. He must be confronted. He must be destroyed. The
Earth will never be safe from harm until we have found Galvatron."
***
I'd write more, but it's inventory week at work and I'm just a little
bit exhausted. Either somebody else can pick up where I left off, or
I'll write s'more tomorrow.
Zob
Gustavo Wombat
> On Aug 31, 11:48 pm, Gustavo Wombat <GustavoWom...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> > Ok, how's that? Explosions, sodomy jokes, sexual innuendos about the
> > Amish, random slurs against the Amish, blood, gore, creepy information
> > about Sam's parents.... does that fit better into the world of Michael
> > Bay's Transformers?
>
> It actually does fit surprisingly well into the existing movie
> framework, and it had some clever bits to it. I'm a little upset
> about it, though, because in accordance with Syed Ahsan Salahuddin's
> rules, I'm not allowed to retcon this out of existence—it's canon
> now. You're so naughty!
I do my best.
----------------------
Soundwave sat in space, somewhere above the United States. The
Autobots had a new set of encryptions, so he couldn't figure out what
was going on, but he knew one Autobot was broadcasting from outside of
Las Vegas -- a known Autobot hot spot -- and another was broadcasting
from somewhere in Pennsylvania.
The Las Vegas spot was already under surveillance, and there was never
anything visible going on there.
Pennsylvania was new though.
"Ratbat. Proceed to Lancaster, PA. Operation observation."
He began to scan the local television stations, getting reports of
explosions and carnage. There was no good footage from inside the town
-- whatever was going on, the Autobots were scrambling transmissions
in the area.
This was expected. The Autobots knew the Decepticons were monitoring,
so they scrambled the local human transmissions whenever they were
visible. It gave them a window of time to act unobserved. There were
no Decepticons in the area, so whatever they were doing involved the
humans, but it was still worth recording.
*******
Steeljaw trotted down the stairs and leapt into Agent Simmon's lap as
he slept on the recliner. Although Steeljaw transformed into a
perfectly ordinary tabby cat, he still weighed 35 pounds.
Simmons woke with a start, and a scream, clutching at his crotch where
Steeljaw's paw had landed. "Damn you, what have I told you? Don't
pounce on me!"
Steeljaw rubbed against him, purring.
"I might want to have children one of these days."
Steeljaw cocked his head and looked at him.
"Don't play innocent with me. What is it?"
"Ramhorn and Bumblebee have engaged an unknown hostile Transformer
outside Lancaster, PA."
"Lancaster? Crap it's Sam, isn't it? it's happened."
"No information at this time, but that is the most likely scenario,
Seymour."
"Ok, get in the carrier while I call in. We're going to Lancaster in
case your tracking skills are needed."
"I don't like the carrier."
"Fine, fine. Just don't try to curl up under my feet while I drive."
"I've just gotten a report, Sector Six is en route."
"We're going anyway, Sector Seven is greater than Sector Six."
*******
Bumblebee hid behind a port-a-potty as the new Transformer blasted the
street at random. He looked over at the construction equipment with a
slight worry, but so far it was just construction equipment. "♪ Oooh
it's a killing machine, it's got everything... Like a driving power
big fat tires ... everything ♫"
A cow slowly walked up behind the new Transformer, and then split
apart revealing the robot inside. Ramhorn charged and struck the new
Transformer from behind, goring it with his horns.
Bumblebee stepped out from behind his cover and opened fire with his
arm cannon, while running up to the new Transformer. He transformed
his arm from a cannon to a sword and beheaded it.
"♪ Another one bites the dust... and another one gone and another one
gone ♫"
Ramhorn transformed back into a cow.
Bumblebee spun to face Rat Bat hiding in some trees, and transformed
his arm back into a cannon. "♪ Hey, I'm going to get you too! ♫"
Rat Bat flew away before Bumblebee could get a bead on him. Bumblebee
transformed into a Camaro and pursued him.
Ramhorn sighed. "Great. Now the Decepticons know where we've been
hiding Sam. You know what would make this day better? Pain. Horrible
excruciating pain running through my circuits."
********
Sam ran down the wooded road outside of town as fast as he could. His
leg hurt like mad, but he pushed himself through it. He stopped to
catch his breath, leaning against a telephone pole, and looking at the
bloody handkerchief. It was hard to believe that coughing up blood
wasn't the worst of his problems.
The pain in his leg made him wince. Visible sparks ran down his thigh.
He heard a noise above him, and saw an electrical transformer begin to
shake and transform.
**********
Hoist raced down the highway listening to the radio.
"♪ And the skies always had little fluffy clouds ♫"
"We have reports of some kind of kind of disturbance in the Amish
country, Cindy... Well, Bob, the Amish have always said that
technology is evil, but I doubt they ever meant this..."
"♪ for my sins I keep a grass snake ♫"
"Retired Major William Lennox has announced his plans to run for the
seat vacated by US Representative Tommy Kennedy who resigned after a
sexual scandal involving the Baroness Anastasia DeCorbray, 20 years
his elder. Despite polling numbers, Major Lennox pledged to support
the President's recent technological initiative..."
"This is Optimus Prime to all Autobots. We have an uncontrolled
situation in grid epsilon. Repeat. We have an uncontrolled situation
in grid epsilon. Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Prowl, Ironhide, move in.
Everyone else, be prepared to give support."
Hoist checked his direction. Heading South on the New Jersey Turnpike.
He took an illegal U-Turn across the median. "Bloody hell."
In his rear view mirror he saw the flashing lights of the local law
enforcement.
"Bloody hell indeed."
*******
Hanging in space, Soundwave absorbed the reports. A new Transformer
brought to life.
"Starscream, Ramjet, Thrust, proceed to co-ordinates designate
Lancaster. Reports of Allspark activity. Find the boy."
He adjusted his communications away to point away from Earth. "Mighty
Galvatron..."
---------------------
There you go, random Transformers converging for the first big battle
scene, outside Lancaster, possibly moving into Amish country. Spike is
in danger (and suffering from tuberculosis, which I really don't think
adds anything, but it was requested), Hoist might be being pursued by
Barricade, Agent Simmons is on his way with Steeljaw... The rival
Sector 6 is on its way. Various jets are coming, and Galvatron is
being set up to be the late-entering big bad. Even picked up on the
anti-technology bill.
I am particularly pleased with the transforming electrical
transformer.
Gustavo!
TigerMegatron
movie.
Gustavo wrote the 1st page,zob wrote the 2nd page.
Deathy's 3rd page:
In a near by jungle grimlock & his other dinobot buddies are chasing
sam & his amish friends.
Grimlock is yelling at the top of his voice: " me grimlock king,you
sam ain't." "me grimlock jealous of you." "me grimlock smash you."
sam starts yelling: "bumblebee help me, I need your help."
The other dinobots laugh & say: " he's dead,we kill bee-bot & make
grimlock's king crown out of his body."
just then sam starts to cry. one by one sam amish friends get hunted
in the forest by the dinobots.
Grimlock orders his fellow dinobots: " this bitch a baby,we got kill
him or he rat us out to big boss bot prime." "prime can't know we
kill bee-bot & humans."
as sam runs for his life thru the forest,sam eventually runs of energy
& falls over on a rock. right in front of grimlock.
grimlock: " you make me waste valuable energon chasing you today." how
you want die burning up like a sissy or getting stepped on like a pan
cake."
just then sam sees prime rolling up in a distance one mile away. sadly
grimlock see's the same image.
just then grimlock extends his foot & steps on sam & squashes him.
sam: " bumblebee i'm coming to join you in the allspark,fare well o
cruel world."
just then optimus prime pulls up near all 5 dinobots."
optimus prime: " grimlock,glad to see you & your fellow dinobots have
finally arrived on earth."
"sam's been waiting to see you,he's a huge dinosaur fan."
grimlock: "me grimlock no see no sam." "me went to amish village but
him no there."
optimus prime: " have you seen bumblebee,he's been missing for a few
days."
Grimlock: " me send dinobots to look for him like you ask but can't
find him. "me think decepticons might have killed sam & bumblebee."
just then mikelea & ironhide pull up near prime.
mikelea: " prime any word on sam."
optimus prime: " the dinobots have just reported they haven't found
sam or bumblebee yet."
grimlock: "me grimlock #$%^&
as grimlock was still speaking,mikelea noticed blood & part of sam's
jacket under grimlock's foot. mikelea also noticed grimlock's crown
was made using bublebee's body.
deep down inside,mikelea knew the truth but didn't say a word. mikelea
had been cheating on sam for a few years with the spanish guy leo.
last year mikelea got pregnant with leo's child & told sam it was his
baby.
secretly mikelea grinned & knew it was a wise investment to put a one
million dollar insurance policy on sam.
as the months past by,mikelea & leo got married, ran to the bank &
collected the one million dollar insurance policy.
Leo: " Grimlock did us a favor mikelea."
mikelea: "yeah,we've been sleeping together for years & he never
knew."
leo: "i'm surprissed he didn't know his son was spanish."
mikelea: " we gotta buy grimlock something special for the favor he
did for us."
leo: "how about a nice diamond to go in his crown."
as the days passed by mikelea & leo bought grimlock a little diamond
to go in his crown.
mikelea: "grimlock here's a little gift for looking for sam all those
months."
grimlock: " mmmmmm,nice diamond,me put in crown."
fellow dinobots: " we sorry,no able for find sam,we look & look."
mikelea: "that's all right,you did your best."
just then mikelea gives grimlock a deep french kiss & thanks him for
killing sam.
moments later after mikelea & leo have left.
grimlock tells his fellow dinobots: "that mikelea is so fucking hot.
I want fuck her so badly."
"me make her my queen one day."
Cradok
> (I am, however, baffled by why Shia La Beouf became a star. He's not
> incredibly talented or handsome, he's just kind of there. I wish him
> no ill-will, but I would prefer him to star in lame comedies that I
> have no desire to watch anyway.)
If you look, though, anything that he's been the star of has had Steven
Spielberg involved. I have a feeling that he's the one who keeps
bringing in Shia.
Gustavo Wombat
Agent Simmons raced down the road in a black SUV, with Steeljaw curled
up on the passenger seat.
Steeljaw stirred suddenly and put his paws on the side window looking
out. "I think we're close, Seymour. My scanners are detecting some
Allspark energy nearby. Also, there's a pillar of smoke over the
horizon."
"Is that him up ahead?" Simmons asked, as he saw a figure in Amish
dress hobbling along the side of the road, clutching his knee.
"Certainly smells like him."
The SUV pulled over in front of Sam. Simmons hopped out, followed by
Steeljaw.
"Kid, are you ok?"
"Not really. The Allspark is going crazy and I'm being followed by
something."
"What is it?"
"Transformer"
Simmons looked at the little blocky thing waving its sharp claws
around. "What does it transform into? A buggy whip?"
"No, an electrical transformer."
"Huh. Seems so obvious. Steeljaw, would you?"
Steeljaw quickly circled the tiny transformer, and batted it a few
times with his paws.
"Today, please."
Steeljaw transformed into a tiny robotic terror, and launched four
missiles at the transformer, blowing it to bits, and then transformed
back to a housecat.
"Anything else out there?"
"I don't think so," Sam answered.
Steeljaw sniffed. "There's something down the road. Fresh Allspark
energy, moving away."
"We'll have to deal with it later. Right now, we need to get Sam out
of here."
"I can't go near that SUV, and I can't run like this."
"Well, at Sector 7, we worked up a solution to the first problem.
You'll need to put this on," Simmons said, walking back to the car and
taking something off the back seat.
"A wet suit?"
"It's not just a wet suit, it's a state of the art, non-conductive,
breathable, full-body containment suit."
"He also bought some gloves," Steeljaw helpfully translated.
Sam stripped by the side of the road, and put on the wet suit and
gloves.
"The protective footwear, too," Simmons ordered, passing him some
flippers.
"Is that really necessary?"
"Until we can find you better shoes, yes. I don't want you tripping
over something and making it come alive."
"It also shields you from Decepticon scanners," Steeljaw explained.
Sam grumbled and put on the flippers. "This kind of sticks out in
Amish country."
Agent Simmons pondered this for a moment. "You're right, we need
something to draw attention from the suit, something we can toss aside
to change you appearance.... I've got just the thing."
Simmons went to the SUV and came back with a large Sombrero.
"You've got to be kidding me."
"No this will be perfect. If someone is looking for you, they'll be
looking for the guy in the Sombrero. You can toss the Sombrero aside,
and they won't recognize you!"
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Sam asked, putting on the
Sombrero.
"Kid," Simmons said, pausing for dramatic effect, "I live for this."
"AND YOU'LL DIE FOR IT TOO!" a voice bellowed, and the SUV began to
split apart and transform.
"Oh, crap." Simmons and Sam opined together.
"Do you want me to eviscerate him?" Steeljaw asked.
"If you could." Simmons replied, backing away.
"Well, I can't. He's about 100 times my size. I suggest running
instead."
"YOU CANNOT RUN FROM ... STOCKADE!"
Sam, Simmons and Steeljaw ran.
"RUN ALL YOU WANT, YOU'LL NEVER HIDE!" Stockage bellowed, trudging
after them.
Sam, Simmons and Steeljaw ran about 70 feet down the road, and then
into a ditch off the side.
"Give me the hat!" Simmons commanded, grabbing it from Sam's head and
flying it like a frisbee across the road into some bushes. "That will
confuse him for a few minutes. Come on, let's get into the woods and
get some cover.
They scurried through the underbrush.
"These flippers are really hard to run in."
"Keep them on, kid. Can't afford more visitors. Stop for a moment
while I call in for some support."
"Call Sector 6." Steeljaw said.
"No, I'm calling Sector 7"
"Sector 6 has helicopters in the area, and the Decepticon will figure
out the hat soon enough."
Sam glanced over at the road. Stockade was beating around the bushes
where the hat landed. "I can't believe that worked."
"What did I tell you kid? Now don't doubt me again, I'm a professional
and I know what I'm doing. And now watch me swallow my professional
pride."
Simmons flipped open his phone and pressed a single button.
"Simon, it's Seymour. I need an air strike. ... No, no, I get to call
in an airstrike. ... Listen, Sector 7 has charter over 'all existent
government bodies' and Sector 6 existed before Sector 7. ... No, no,
no, Sector 7's mandate does not cover only areas not covered by Sector
6, we've been through this a thousand times ... What do you want to
hear, Simon? ... Fine, Mom always liked you best ... No, you were not
first born, the birth certificates are clear, I was born at 3:21pm,
and you were born at 3:24pm ... No we were not switched at birth, and
if we were, then *I* would be Simon Simmons and *I* would have direct
command over the Predator drones and *I* would launch an air
strike ... Fine, fine. ... Just target my SUV's new GPS system. ...
Let me give you the access number ... 471---"
Three missiles hit Stockade knocking him to the ground.
"--513 ... Wait, how long have you had missiles locked on my car? ....
Three months?!? .... Mom may have liked you best but Dad thought you
were strange. ... He's getting up, hit him a couple more times and get
an attack helicopter with some sabot rounds to take him out for
good. ... Ok, thanks .... Fine, I'll water your plants when you're in
LA. ... Right, see you at Mom and Dad's on Sunday. ... Can we get a
unmarked car, and a new Sombrero... On second thought, one of those
hats the guards in front of Buckingham palace wear ... and a three
pointed hat. ... actually, just a collection of large hats. ... Ok,
thanks, I love you too, bro."
Simmons snapped the phone shut, visibly aggravated.
"You're an only child, right Sam?"
"Yeah"
"You are so lucky."
Steeljaw stiffened, and looked up. Three jets passed overhead.
"Are those ours?" Sam asked.
"Tail markings are wrong, and they're not all the same type. It's
Decepticons. Let's head up the road half a mile, so we're not next to
Stockade if they investigate. Keep the suit on, and they shouldn't get
us on their scanners."
"I'll scout ahead, make sure there's nothing else to worry about,"
Steeljaw said, darting into the underbrush.
Sam and Agent Simmons began walking along. Sam started coughing. The
blood didn't show red on the wet suit glove, but it showed wet.
"You're really not ok, are you, Sam?"
"Not really."
Zobovor
<snip>
Elsewhere, the hidden base of operations for the Autobots was once
again mobile. They preferred to remain sequestered for both their own
safety and the safety of any humans living on that particular
continent, but circumstances had forced them to live a semi-nomadic
existence—routinely and randomly relocating to remote areas around the
globe, preferrably ones with a minimal human presence. At present,
their base rumbled through the frigid wastelands of Antarctica, its
metallic white sheen disappearing almost completely into the
surrounding frozen tundra.
Even the perfect camouflage had its downfalls, however. Of the dozens
of Autobots operating on planet Earth, only a handful were aware of
the location of their own home at any given time. It was possible
many of them would never return again. Ironhide had once pointed out,
quite correctly, that constantly traveling around the globe also made
it difficult to precisely pinpoint Galvatron and his remaining
followers. The alternative, however, was to risk detection...and any
sentient being on the planet who was not an Autobot was, lamentably, a
potential threat.
Optimus Prime tapped his fingers anxiously. It made a cold, metallic
"tink, tink" sound against the control console of the mobile base's
main bridge.
"Encrypted message received from Autobot High Command," a voice boomed
through the base intercom.
"Thank you, Metroplex," Optimus Prime replied. He shuddered
involuntarily. He'd been dreading this call. "Please decrypt and
display on the main screen. Authorization O-P-eight-four-elita-one-
gamma."
A moment later, a familiar visage flashed upon the viewscreen. Larger
than life, the elderly Autobot was frail and weak, but a powerful
light shone in his eyes, hinting at an immense inner strength.
Optimus Prime stood at attention.
"Alpha Trion," he said. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this--"
"This is not a courtesy call, Optimus," the senior Autobot cut him
off. "I have warned you repeatedly about your prolonged excursion on
that little planet you care so much about, and yet you persist in
remaining there. There are other battles to be fought, other planets
that desperately require an Autobot presence. You simply cannot
continue to make Earth a priority. You must withdraw immediately."
"Our operations on this world are nearly finished, most venerable
one," Optimus Prime replied. "Only but a few Decepticons remain, and
once we have washed their presence clean from this fragile planet, we
will gladly return to Cybertron for further orders."
"Your grace period has expired, Prime," Alpha Trion replied, stroking
his beard. "How many planetary revolutions have you wasted? Seven?
Eight? The quest for the Allspark has long since ended, and there
remains no further strategic advantage to your continued presence
there. You cannot continue gallivanting across the cosmos, pretending
that you answer to no one but yourself. I am giving you a direct
command to return to Cybertron. Any further delays will result in the
dissolution of your rank. The next time we speak had better be face
to face."
The transmission ended abruptly.
Optimus Prime screamed in frustration, throwing his fist hard into the
wall. If Metroplex felt the blow, he said nothing of it.
Blaster ran into the control room carrying a piece of scanning
equipment. "Bad news, boss. Reports from Bumblebee and Steeljaw
indicate that the Decepticons may have found Sam the Witwicky. He's
still in the protection of Seymour the Simmons, but my trackers say
Decepticons from all over the place are starting to converge on North
America. Even with the intercept squad on the way, they're gonna be
outnumbered."
"Oh, Sam," Optimus Prime lamented. "If you only knew what laid ahead
of you. If you had even the vaguest inkling as to your true destiny,
would you have ever gotten involved? Would you have chosen to get in
the car?" He was referring, of course, to Bumblebee, who was perhaps
the singularly most important link between Sam Witwicky and the
Autobots. It was for this reason that Bumblebee had kept a close
watch on Sam, knowing full well the danger of what would happen if he
were discovered by other humans.
"So, we ready to turn this rig around, or what?" Blaster prodded.
"Autobot High Command has given us orders to return to Cybertron,"
Optimus Prime said with clenched fists.
"Is that a fact? Well, what's more important to you, boss?" Blaster
asked pointedly. "Doing good, or doing right?"
Optimus Prime looked down at his own chest and regarded the tiny
Autobot insignia nestled in the center of his torso. He plucked it
loose with his fingertips and crumpled it into a small metallic ball.
He flicked it nonchalantly over his shoulder.
"As of this moment," Optimus said, "I have been stripped of my rank.
I am no longer commander of the Autobots. I am no longer a Prime. If
you follow me, you will likely face the same courtmartial that I
will. If you follow me, you do so by your own choice. I can no
longer tell you what to do."
"Let's go kick some ass!" Blaster proclaimed.
"Metroplex," said Optimus Minor, "set a course due north. It's
hunting season!"
***
Even at maximum speed, Hoist was unable to evade the squad car that
had practically launched like a rocket down the turnpike. No Earth
technology had that kind of capability, he quickly realized. Whatever
they wanted, it wasn't to sit down for tea and crumpets. Hoist had
absolutely no idea what a tea or a crumpets actually were, but they
were no doubt vastly preferable to the impending confrontation.
"Pull over!" growled a voice, projected from the squad car with enough
intensity to make Hoist's radio seem like a nursery lullaby.
"Decrease speed and pull to the side of the road immediately!"
Hoist did as he was told. He could have kept up the chase for another
day or two, but after that he would have completely exhausted his
energon reserves, with nothing left for a fight—and that was assuming
he didn't blow a tire first. At least this way he had enough in him
to hold his own, at least for a little while.
Hoist rumbled into the shoulder, wincing a little on the inside as he
heard the sickly sound of gravel digging into his tread pattern.
Before he'd even had a chance to come to a complete stop, though, the
police car plowed into him at nearly full speed, causing him to flip
two and a half times and landing upside-down in the swampy muck next
to the highway.
"Gor blimey!" Hoist exclaimed as he transformed. "Do you have any
idea what's in this gunk? It's all fish guts and sewage and who-knows-
what. Bleeding cesspool, 's what it is."
The police car unfolded into its humanoid configuration, snapping its
claws menacingly. Barricade could probably rip Hoist clean in half if
he wanted to, but so far, the Decepticon took no further overtly
aggressive actions.
"Only came to warn you," Barricade growled. "Every Transformer on
Earth is in danger."
"Sod off," Hoist suggested.
"Don't expect you to believe me," Barricade shrugged. "We stay here,
though, and we'll all be killed."
"And you know this how, exactly?" Hoist said, trudging out of the
swamp muck. "Read it in your horoscope? Got your palm read by a
gypsy?"
"You may be an Autobot, but it's not right for you to die if you don't
see it coming," Barricade replied. "At least this way you'll have a
fighting chance. Don't say I never fought fair."
A tiny little robot popped out of Barricade's chest. Barricade folded
back up into vehicle mode and his driver's side door swung open.
"Come on, Rumble," he said to his compaion. "Let's ride!"
Baricade sped off down the highway, his lights flashing and sirens
blaring. Hoist was left wondering whether the Decepticon was
completely insane. If there really was some great, universal cock-up
coming 'round, what would possibly compel him to drop the hostilities
and show that level of concern? Or was it some kind of trick, a ploy
to get the Autobots to lower their guard, or possibly distract them
from the Decepticons' main goal?
Hoist was in no position to unravel things on his own. He needed
help.
But first, he needed to find a car wash.
***
"It's an El Camino," Sam said pointedly.
"Look, kid, it's a free car," Simmons said, gripping the wheel
tightly. "It's either that or we walk, and I don't think you're gonna
get a whole lot of mileage flopping around like Aquaman over there."
"But... it's an El Camino," Sam said again with emphasis.
"And it's purple," Steeljaw added.
"You know," Simmons replied, "not all of us are lucky enough to get
our first car handed to them on a silver platter. Me, I worked three
summers at the Bowl-O-Rama to earn the dosh for this baby. You know
how many girls I went out with in that time? I'll give you a hint.
It starts with "zero" and ends with "none." Because the 16-year-old
geek with the red-and-white checkered uniform handing out size ten-and-
a-half bowling shoes does not get the girl. That's just not the way
the Universe works.
"Now, you, on the other hand," Simmons continued, "with your trippy
alien robot-slash-car combo meal that gets to run around and blow
stuff up and save the galaxy, that's pretty damn sexy. It's no wonder
you had girls crawling all over you like maggots on a month-old
banana. Whatever happened to that spicy little jalapeno of yours,
anyway? I always had it in my head that you two lovebirds were gonna
shack up and start a mom-and-pop shop somewhere."
"We went our separate ways," Sam said quietly. "I'd rather not talk
about it. Besides, there's this girl in town, Annie Lapp..."
"No, no, nonononono," Simmons shook his head. "This is all
backwards. You get the hottest little piece of ass on the face of
this planet and you kick her to the curb in favor of some little Lapp
dog? Boy, you have absolutely no idea what you're mixed up in, do
you?"
"I have a feeling you're going to elucidate me," Sam ventured,
adjusting his ten-gallon hat.
"Maybe later," Simmons said. "Right now, though, I need to explain
things to you. Did you ever stop to think just why, out of all the
billions and billions of people scurrying around this planet,
Bumblebee picked you?"
"He didn't pick me," Sam shrugged. "It was that whole business with
the glasses. They had a map to the Allspark. It didn't have to be me—
it could have been anyone."
"But it wasn't anyone, son, it was you," Simmons insisted. "How did
you get the glasses in the first place?"
"Somebody mailed them to me," Sam replied. "Said they found them in
an old trunk with some of my great-grandfather's stuff. We were the
only Witwicky family in the phone book, so they figured we were
relatives."
"You were always meant to find the Allspark," Simmons persisted. "You
have what we call an affinity with it."
"Oh, really?" Sam replied. "Is that why every time I touch anything
mechanical, it mutates into a kamikaze robot? Is that why Mikaela
nearly got her face ripped off by her own cell phone? Is that why I
can't even see my mother or my terminally ill father because I'm
afraid of accidentally killing them with a... with a... can opener or
something?!"
"You touch machines and the Allspark gives them life," Simmons said
slowly.
"Welcome to Finally Getting It," Sam replied sourly.
"Isn't it obvious by now what's going on here?" Simmons asked.
"I'm like King Midas, only instead of turning things to gold, I turn
them into zombie death machines?"
"The Allspark wants you to reproduce," Simmons said.
"That's fucking ridiculous," Sam replied before collapsing into a
coughing fit.
"You got that half right," Steejaw remarked.
"Quiet, kitty," Simmons said. "This is serious. You don't find a
lady friend and bed her soon, and that Allspark energy inside you is
going to eat you from the inside out. Only one way to save yourself,
and that's to find someone who's been saving herself, if you catch my
drift. And it wasn't a very subtle drift, honestly, so you really
should have caught that one."
"So—cough—what happens to her?"
"Absolutely no clue," Simmons said.
____________
I hope I didn't step on anybody else's ideas, but this seemed like as
good a direction as any to go in. I have absolutely no idea where any
of this is going, but it's fun to write...
Zob
Gustavo Wombat
<snip>
"Do you know who gets less action than the guy who smells like bowling
shoes? The one eyed Amish guy in a wet suit and cowboy hat, coughing
up blood..."
"Sam, Sam, Sam, don't sell yourself short. I'm sure there are people
searching for that right now on the internet."
Sam laughed. It was the first moment he had to relax since he got the
letter.
"Besides," Simmons continued, "Seymour's got you covered. We're
going ... wait for it ... WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!"
Sam stopped laughing. He was dressed in rubber, with flippers and
cowboy hat, in a purple El Camino with an insane secret agent and his
talking cat, on a road trip to Tijuana, to get laid. If Stanley
Kubrick had made a teen age sex comedy, this would be it. He began to
cry.
"Sam, Sam, don't worry. We'll get you a poncho."
*******
Meanwhile, back in Amish country, the battle continued fiercely. It
was a big pointless battle, fighting over a position of no strategic
importance to either side, with the ostensible object of the battle
heading south in purple El Camino. Mostly it was giant robots beating
on each other and blowing up a small town.
Agent Simon Simmons had all the resources of Sector 6 at his disposal,
and a very clear mission to contain the robot invasion. N.E.S.T.
worked with one side against the other, but Sector 6 had a different
strategy -- pick off the strays. It wasn't just a matter of who won
the war, it was a matter of how much damage they did to humanity in
the process.
Today the battle was too big and too loud. Sector 6 had destroyed one
Transformer, but they couldn't do more without their presence being
known, and they weren't ready for that fight yet.
____________
>
> I hope I didn't step on anybody else's ideas, but this seemed like as
> good a direction as any to go in. I have absolutely no idea where any
> of this is going, but it's fun to write...
Apparently it's going to Tijuana.
Gustavo!
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
Thank you for keeping this alive!
Zobovor
wrote:
> Y'know, you people are actually awesome.
We're "actually" awesome? As if there were ever any doubt. And thank
you.
____________
Simmons wasn't particularly surprised at the relative ease in which
his troupe slipped past the Mexican border. The customs agent gave
Sam only a cursory glance, paying far more attention to Steeljaw.
Simmons had had the foresight to Photoshop some halfway-decent
passports, but he hadn't thought about any sort of licensing or
registration for his pet cat. It was only after Simmons had convinced
him that the animal was a stray he'd picked up in San Diego and
planned to euthanize at the earliest opportunity that the customs
agent gave him the go-ahead.
"I still say you should have let me hack up a hairball in his face,"
Steeljaw said, tossing his head back in the opposite direction. "You
know, just for emphasis. Play up that whole 'stray mongrel' routine."
"Oh, don't get your whiskers all tangled," Simmons said. "The
important thing is that I got us here. Welcome to Tijuana—tequila,
sex, and marijuana. Not necessarily in that order."
"This feels completely wrong," Sam shuddered. "We should go back."
"And do what?" Simmons said, staring into Sam's soul with those beady
little eyes of his. "Go back to milking goats and canning assorted
seasonal fruits? Even if that was what you wanted to do for the rest
of your life—and I know it's not—the way things are going right now,
you won't even see the next pumpkin harvest. Trust me, kid.
Everything will work out in the end."
Simmons pulled into a parking lot. "This is the red-light district,"
he announced. "We're on foot from here."
Simmons rummaged through the back seat of the car and produced a
deerstalker cap. "Put this on," he suggested.
"Look at this place," Sam said. Everywhere he looked, he saw
garbage. In the street gutters, and on the street corners. "You park
here, and five minutes from now this thing's going to be up on cinder
blocks."
"No shit, Sherlock," Simmons said, digging his cell phone out of his
vest pocket. "I've got everything under control. Now, just act
natural."
"How am I supposed to act natural?" Sam implored.
"Fake it," Simmons said. "It's sort of what they do around here."
"You guys have fun," Steeljaw said. "I'll be right around here
somewhere. Gonna go mark my territory."
***
Soundwave floated silently, hovering in the Earth's upper
thermosphere. Sometimes he scoured the planet systematically,
sweeping his invisible beams across the vast surface, while at other
times he maintained a geosynchronous orbit above a particular area of
interest. Right now he felt the latter option was warranted, as he
had detected, for the first time, what he believed might be the mobile
Autobot base. Optimus Prime had gone to great lengths to keep it
hidden from him, employing a range of tricks including signal masking,
decoy beacons and good old-fashioned camouflage, but there was no
mistaking the enormous concentration of Cybertronic alloys that moved
steadily across the icy tundra of the planet's northernmost continent.
What had recently transpired to compel Optimus Prime to blow his cover
and risk detection was not known to Soundwave, but he suspected that
only an event of monumental proportions would force the Autobots out
of hiding. They were moving with speed and purpose towards their
objective, ostensibly somewhere on the North American continent. The
Autobot base was itself a living weapon, and not even the combined
might of the Decepticon troops stationed throughout the globe were a
match for its power.
Fortunately, such situations were easily remedied.
"Attention, Trypticon," Soundwave growled. "Plot intercept course
immediately."
***
It seemed like the more cable channels there were, the less
interesting the programming was. As if to prove the point, the
content that flashed on the 47" plasma screen was quite possibly the
most inane drivel ever to meet approval by standards and practices.
Channel 13. "...and you can see that it actually SLICES right through
this old, rusty pipe. Did I just ruin a fine piece of cutlery? Not
even close! The Slice-O-Matic still chops right through this cucumber
like it was brand-spaking-new. You'll never need to buy another knife
again. You'll receive six of these all together, plus if you call in
the next two minutes..."
Channel 14. "...sleeping with her, aren't you? I know I'm not being
paranoid. The late nights at the office, the skimpy negligeé in the
glove box, it all adds up. What's her name? Just tell me her name.
It's Kim from the diner, isn't it? YOU BASTARD!..."
Channel 15. "...joining Hector Ramirez, on the scene. Thank you,
Frank. We've been covering the story of the mysterious robot
sightings for the past six weeks, and now their presence has been felt
by this small, quiet community in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. It's a sad
and savage irony that this Amish community, who traditionally rejects
modern technology, must now deal with the aftermath of these rumamok
robots. There seems to have been no reason for the alleged attack,
which only strengthens the theory that these machines are the robotic
equivalent of rabid animals..."
"Oh, God," Mikaela Banes whispered. A single tear trickled down her
cheek.
She heard the front door open. She hastily fumbled for the remote and
switched channels.
"...if you can get her to reschedule, that's fine," her fianceé was
barking at his cell phone, "but just remind her that her insurance
expires at the end of the year, and her last two wisdom teeth aren't
just going to yank themselves. Okay, I'll be back in the office on
Monday. Thanks."
"You're late again, Spencer," she said.
"Oh, Mickey, don't be like that," he said, wrapping one arm around
her. "Have you been crying? Did you take your pills today?"
"I'm fine," she said, wiping her nose. "Damn soap operas." She
forced a smile.
"I made a follow-up appointment with Dr. Ward for you," he said,
flashing his perfect teeth. "He said you shouldn't require any more
plastic surgery but that he still wants to see you next week. He said
he'd prescribe a different topical ointment to minimize the scarring,
one that doesn't make you itch so much. He also said you really need
to be more careful in the kitchen."
"Thanks," she said, involuntarily raising one hand to her earlobe.
She wondered if she'd ever grow accustomed to the new sensations.
He lunged forward for a kiss, but she instinctively turned away.
"Sorry, lover boy," she crooned. "I had onions on my salad. My
breath really stinks."
"Just don't forget to floss tonight," Spencer remarked. "I'm going to
hop in the shower. Let me know if you still want to go see that movie
tonight, okay?"
Mikaela didn't answer. As soon as she hear the bathroom door close
and the water started running, she scurried over to the computer desk
and double-clicked a desktop icon. She typed a web address into her
browser window and cracked her knuckles impatiently as she waited for
the web site to load. She typed an address into the search engine and
a moment later it displayed a map, complete with a highlighted route
and step-by-step directions.
"Driving directions to LANCASTER, PA," it began. "Start out going
EAST on CULLEN BLVD toward HWY 89."
Her eyes darted to the bottom of the screen. "Total driving time: 14
hours 58 minutes. Total distance: 940.34 miles."
She looked for the icon that said "Printer Friendly."
She clicked the link.
"Wheelie," she whispered, "we're going on a road trip."
***
"Bienvenidos a Zona Norte," said a leather-clad woman. Perhaps woman
wasn't the most accurate term, since she couldn't possibly have been
older than eighteen. In any event, she obviously had a fetish for men
with eyepatches and flippers, since she had zeroed in on Sam with a
level of ferocious intensity.
"Thank you, my little paradita," Simmons said. "My friend here would
greatly enjoy the pleasure of your company tonight." He dug through
his wallet and produced a credit card with a picture of himself on
it. "You take plastic?"
She nodded and let Sam by the hand into a building with the name Big
Jhon above the door. Sam found himself wondering who Big Jhon was and
if he knew that he was spelling his name incorrectly.
"You like to swim?" she asked, indicating Sam's apparel. It was a bit
like breaking the ice with a sledge hammer.
"Oh, yes," he nodded emphatically. "Swimming is awesome. Uh, I also
like to hunt," he said, fidgeting with his hat. "You know, beavers.
Uh, well, I mean, that didn't come out right..."
"Well, there's no place to swim around here," she said, batting her
insanely long eyelashes, "but you can still dive right in."
Somehow Sam managed to find the lamp on the end table with his elbow,
sending it hurtling into the wall with enough force to shatter the
bulb. With no obstacles remaining between Sam and the end table, he
took that as his cue to stumble back into it and onto the floor.
"There, uh, that's much better," he stammered. "I like it dark, I
prefer the dark, so I thought I'd just, you know, kill the light a
little..."
"Perhaps you would be more comfortable without these?" she said,
delicately grasping his flippers. She plucked them off and threw them
over her shoulder. Then she started disrobing.
Sam's eyes darted around the room nervously. Aside from the lamp that
he'd strategically eliminated, he didn't see anything overtly
technology-based that could potentially be a threat. The room didn't
even have a television. He eyed the thermostat on the wall
suspiciously.
She continued to relieve Sam of his attire, turning his wetsuit inside
out as she peeled it off his body. She kneeled and fondled him in a
perfunctory sort of way until she looked up with concern in her large,
brown eyes. "What's wrong?"
"It's not you," he stammered. "I mean, you're very pretty, and very
almost naked, and those are two things that I really, really like.
I'm just not sure, I don't really feel safe..."
"I'm clean," she promised. "I get tested every month."
"No, not that kind of safe," Sam protested.
She produced a foil-wrapped prophylactic. "Mint flavored."
"Okay, mint flavored is good, but still not what I'm talking about,"
Sam insisted.
Sam felt the floor shake. At approximately the same time, he heard a
tremendous crunching sound. His immediate first thought was that
something had taken a huge bite out of the side of the building.
Realizing how completely ridiculous that was, he pulled up his
skivvies and raced downstairs to determine what, precisely, had
happened.
He scurried outside to see that something had, in fact, taken a huge
bite out of the side of the building.
Specifically, it was a locomotive engine. Apparently it had slipped
its tracks or something and managed to plow into the lower level of
the brothel, taking out a substantial chunk of real estate in the
process. Patrons and working girls spilled out of the building and
dispersed in every direction. The train was still halfway immersed in
what remained of Big Jhon's esteemed storefront sign, thick clouds of
steam still emanating from the black, rusty vehicle of mass transit.
Then the steam engine split in half.
It only took an instant before each half of the former vehicle assumed
a shape familiar enough that Sam recognized them. They were different
colors, of course, but the oversized forearm on each of them and those
ridiculously deformed faces were unmistakable.
"Damn, Gina!" Skids exclaimed, extricating himself from the woodwork
and picking shingles from his armor. "We was s'posed to stop BEFORE
we hit the smack shack!"
"Don't look at me, dawg," shrugged Mudflap. "I wasn't driving."
"What the hell are you guys going here?!" Sam exclaimed. It was right
around this time that it dawned on him that he was in his underwear.
He tried very, very hard to pretend nobody was looking at him.
"We done gone rogue," Skids proclaimed proudly. "Had enough of all
that Autobot shizznit. 'Save that baby,'" he said in a mocking
voice. "'Stop dat Decepticon.' Or, my personal favorite, 'Don't run
over that little ol' lady again.' I mean, a 'bot can only take so
much. It's abuse, I tell ya."
Mudflap raised his forearm and transformed it into a gleaming black
cannon. "That's 'zactly right. So we got a new idea—since you be dat
whole reason why the Decepticons are still here—what wit' you using
the Allspark to make all dem baby bots poppin' up all over the damn
place—why not just splatter you all over the pavement? Then the
Decepticons will finally pack up their shit and leave, and we won't
have to mess with 'dem no more."
"Huh?" Sam protested. "Wha?" he added.
"We'z gonna kill you, punk-ass bitch!" Skids promised. "Kiss your ass
good-bye!"
_________________________
To be continued. Obviously.
Zob
SteveD
>"Driving directions to LANCASTER, PA," it began. "Start out going
>EAST on CULLEN BLVD toward HWY 89."
OK, that made me chuckle.
TigerMegatron
those crazy visions would permanetly disappear. sam's grandfather
never got rid of his crazy visions because he never got a chance to
start then complete the mission.
there was no reason afterwards for sam to keep getting random visions.
because sam fulfilled his host duties of starting then completing the
mission.
I & others assumed while sam was doing his host duties mission. while
he was doing it,little by little the spirit/host/data exited sam's
body. when he completed the mission he had zero host/data/spirit in
his body.
Gustavo Wombat
hands. This was exactly what he had feared when they landed on Earth.
"Bumblebee, report. What's the situation on the battlefield?"
"♪ It's the end of the world as we know it, It's the end of the world
as we know it, and I feel fine ♫"
"Have you been able to keep the battle away from the village?"
"♪ It's raining men! Hallelujah! ♫"
Optimus made a mental note to have Ratchet try to fix Bumblebee's
vocal processors again. "Where is Sam?"
"♪ Delia's Gone, Delia's Gone ♫"
"Gone? Gone where? How could you let this happen?"
"♪ A butterfly feeds on a dead monkey's hand, Jesus wept and felt
abandoned ♫"
"Why would he run away? You were there to protect him."
"♪ I don't know how to love him, what to do, how to move him... ♫"
"If you and Sam were drifting apart, you should have reported it. Your
relationship with him is why you were assigned to be his protector."
"♪ Got a little motto, Always sees me through, When you're good to
Mama, Mama's good to you. ♫"
"What? Bumblebee, you've always been a valued member of this team, and
we've always respected your contributions."
"Yo, Prime," Blaster interrupted, "got the word from the cat, they had
to flee because of a bat!"
"What bat?" Prime asked.
"♪ I'm gonna keep you busy as a bee could be, could be. Rat Bat Ba-lue-
hoo, you're so fine. ♫"
"Now you're talking, you vocally challenged bot, they had to flee and
flee a lot!"
"♪ Runaway, Run-run-run-run-runaway. ♫"
"Maybe he should have stayed, but he and Simmons went to get laid!"
"♪ Oh, the ladies auxiliary is a good auxiliary! 'Bout the best
auxiliary you ever did see! If you need an auxiliary, see the ladies
auxiliary! It's the ladies aux-il-i-a-ry! ♫"
"A thing about the prospective stud, he's looking unhealthy and
coughing up blood!"
"♪ My turtle has tuberculosis. My turtle has only one lung. He spits
up bloody corruption. And twirls it around with his tongue! ♫"
"And he's trying to contain the Allspark energy with a wetsuit, so he
doesn't touch anything and make it into a mechanical brute!"
"♪ Whatever happened to old values? ... And fine morals? ... And good
breeding? ♫"
"Damn, Bumblebee, if we had the answer to that question, we wouldn't
be in this situation,
The Allspark's been working all along, but everything it touches comes
out wrong!"
"♪ Feelings ... nothing but feelings ♫"
"You think if we were to stop fightin' and start lovin', some tamer
bots would start popping out of the oven?"
"♪ Instant Karma's gonna get you ♫"
"I know what Ratchet would say, he'd say that's absurd, that it's the
stupidest thing he's ever heard!"
"♪I have a secret to tell, from my electrical well. It's a simple
message and Im leaving out the whistles and bells, So the room must
listen to me... ♫"
"We're listening, and trying to keep an open mind, but that would mean
the Allspark connects all our kind."
"It's an interesting theory Bumblebee," Optimus said, "but it's not
one we can test without first pacifying the Decepticons. Blaster,
where is Sam now?"
"Now, Agent Simmons thinks Sam needs to procreate, so they're in
Tijuana to find him a mate!"
"♪ I ain't gonna work on Maggie's Farm no more... ♫"
"Now that Sam has flown the coop, I don't see why you shouldn't rejoin
the troop!"
"No, Bumblebee, I want you to follow Sam. He may need your protection.
I'll dispatch Hoist and Ironhide as backup. And Ratchet, maybe he can
figure out why Sam is malfunctioning."
"♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha! ♫"
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, south of the border, the twins prepare to "pop a cap" in
Sam's ass. The preparation consists mostly of posing and posturing,
but it is posing and posturing backed up by cannons.
"Fo' shizzle. White bread here thinks he's special!"
"Special? More like Special Olympics."
"Or Special K"
"That don't make no sense."
"No, no, no, no, no." Sam began, "if you kill me, you'll destroy the
Allspark, and your entire species."
"Won't destroy our species. We destroy your feces!"
"Your feces and your faces!"
Just then, Agent Simmons pulled up in the El Camino, sideswiped Sam,
and knocked him out of the way, and into an old VW Bug. Simmons lept
from the El Camino as it and the Bug began to transform.
"Sam, grab your clothes and run!"
Sam ran into Big Jhon's, grabbed the wetsuit, flippers, poncho and the
hat, and then threw the hat back. He was sure that Simmons would find
another hat somewhere, but for the moment, he would have at least that
much dignity.
As he ran out of Big Jhon's he glanced over his shoulder and saw
Mudflap and Skids getting beaten up by Simmon's El Camino. The Bug was
just standing there watching.
"Kid, where's the hat?"
"Trapped under some rubble. I tried to save it, but there was just too
much."
"Cute, kid, cute. You've already had your life saved by a Sombrero,
and now you just abandon the deerstalker? Now, not only do we have to
run from giant robots intent on murdering you, we have to stop at a
haberdashery or costume shop or something and get you a hat. And where
is that stupid cat?"
----------------------------------
Oh dear. I never thought someone would actually let them get to the
border...
Also, why don't people hate Blaster the way they hate Wheelie? They
both speak in rhyme....
No One in Particular
"Gustavo Wombat" <Gustav...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:647c589e-cff7-4c9e...@x5g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
>Oh dear. I never thought someone would actually let them get to the
>border...
>Also, why don't people hate Blaster the way they hate Wheelie? They
>both speak in rhyme....
I always DID hate Blaster speaking in rhyme. He didn't do that in season
two, at least, not as I recall. But, it's not as bad as Wheelie because I
don't remember the rhymes being quite as, well, dumb.
Brian
Thunder Strikes Twice!
>> both speak in rhyme....
>
>
> I always DID hate Blaster speaking in rhyme. He didn't do that in season
> two, at least, not as I recall. But, it's not as bad as Wheelie because I
> don't remember the rhymes being quite as, well, dumb.
>
Also, Roadblock in GIJOE had the same thing going on. It's like the
writers couldn't accept characters molded after African Americans unless
they talked really stupid.
t.k.
No One in Particular
"Thunder Strikes Twice!" <dece...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
news:eLgpm.149759$8B7....@newsfe20.iad...
I don't remember that at all...might have been after I quit watching Joe, I
guess. Sounds kinda ignorant, though...
Thunder Strikes Twice!
> I don't remember that at all...might have been after I quit watching Joe, I
> guess. Sounds kinda ignorant, though...
>
Yeah, Roadblock always did a rhyme thing for some reason. I think it
might have been some lame attempt at making him/them "cool" since
rapping had started becoming popular (my guess anyway).
t.k.
SteveD
<Gustav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Also, why don't people hate Blaster the way they hate Wheelie? They
>both speak in rhyme....
Blaster didn't always speak in rhyme, though. If there was one that could
be made without too much trouble, he'd trot it out, but he didn't torture
every sentence into conforming the way Wheelie did.
-SteveD
TigerMegatron
As the days passed on by. the town leader of the amish village named
isreal where sam was staying. approached sam & asked sam if he had a
sister or cousin. sam replied no. Isreal told sam usually we all marry
our sisters or cousins here.
Isreal took sam by the hand & said don't worry my lad. the God of
Abraham has the answer for you. sam looked scarred & puzzled as Isreal
kept talking. you could feel the sweat beads hit the floor from sams
brow.
Isreal's plan was to offer his very own daughter bathsheba's hand in
marriage to sam. Isreal then explained that Bathsheba hadn't a brother
nor cousin. that put dibs on her.
Sam remembered the old bible story his mom use to read to him. about
king david & the beautiful bathseheba goddess taking a sexy bath with
king david looking on from a far.
as the night grew near,sam was nervous to meet isreal's daughther
bathsheba. sam kept having dreams of the beautiful bathsheba & them
kissing under the moon light. sam just couldn't sleep.
as morning finally came,Isreal yelled for sam to come out & see his
daughter bathsheba.
it was still kinda dark out & the sun hadn't fully risen yet. as sam
approached bathsheba she kept getting more ugly with every advancing
foot step. until finally sam was within inches of bathsheba. bathsheba
had half her teeth missing. the teeth that there were stained yellow.
she looked like kittie rose wearing a dress.
Bathsheba was a far cry from sam's previous girl friend mikela. sam
felt like running but he was too weak to do so. due to the allspark
enhanced robots ripping out his eye & ravage slicing his left foot off
a year ago.
Isreal padded sam on the back & said your quite a lucky man. my
daughter bathsheba is quite a catch. Isreal then went on to say that
since your marrying my daughther. one day you & bathsheba's kids will
be in charge of this village when gabriel the angel takes me to
heaven.
sam was sure in a pickle. sam took a look in a nearby pick up truck
mirror & saw his broken down body. it was a far cry from what he
looked like 2 years ago.
Sam had missed the days when he was the worlds greatest hero for
helping the autobots defeating the decepticons. back then,sam had a
purpose & desperately missed the attention.
sam agreeded to himself that beggers can't be choosers. sam agreeded
to mary bathsheba.
because sam desperately wanted back into the spot light. sam figured
Isreal would die one day & he'd become leader of the amish village.
being the leader of the amish village would make sam the super star &
gain the attention he so desired.
on, the lord Jesus Christ birthday, december 25,sam & bathsheba got
married.
later that week sam came home from a hard days work tending the farm.
sam heard loud noises comming from the Bedroom. sam walked in shocked
to find bathsheba in bed with another man.
Sam was hearth broken. bathsheba threathned sam not to say a word to
her father or any other people in the village. bathsheba then wen't on
to explain that she was pregnant with her lovers baby. sam broke down
in tears & started to cry. bathsheba then went on to explain to sam
she'd still stay married to him,but it'll just be for show. she said
from now on,you'd have to start sleeping in the next room starting
tonight. she explained she really loved her lover & didn't want to
cheat on him.
bathsheba then went on to explain. that when her father Isreal dies.
she was going to allow her lover & son to be in charge of the amish
village.
sam took his pillow & headed towards his new room. sam cried all
night. Sam's dream of once again being in the spot light, came & went
in a blink of an eye. sam figured Isreal had about a solid 15 years
ahead of him. sam figured that would buy him 15 years worth of free
house & board.
As the weeks passed on by. bathsheba & sam would put on a show for her
father Isreal & there fellow villagers. sam began reading books at
night. while his wife bathsheba & her lover had sex in the other
room.
Gustavo Wombat
about the giant robots battling outside of Lancaster. She had tried to
put it out of her mind, but she couldn't. All the cable channels kept
playing the footage over and over, transforming cows and butter churns
and the destruction of an entire village and somewhere in the middle
of all of this was Sam.
She flipped through the channels on the TV, and couldn't focus on any
of it.
"Wheelie, I think it's time for another road trip."
Wheelie rolled out from underneath the couch. "Geez, woman, you
finished the entire bottle of Valium already?"
"Wheelie, this is serious."
"I'll say it is. You've been gobbling pills down for days. That just
can't be healthy. And with all that wine."
"We're going after Sam."
"What do you mean *we*? I'm happy here. I hide under the couch, I
watch TV, no one shoots at me. Can I get my own remote? I'm getting
sick of these soap operas."
"You're coming with me."
"You know Sam is long gone by now, right?"
"Sam might be gone, but they will still be there. They'll know where
he is."
"What's Spencer going to say? >>'Hey, honey, go chase after your old
boyfriend. I just want you to be happy.'<<"
"Don't, don't, don't do his voice. This is hard enough as it is. I'll
leave a note."
"You sure you're ok to drive?"
"We're taking his car. If we dent it, it just makes it more
authentic."
"He's not going to like that."
Spencer's car was a beautifully restored 1974 Camaro, in yellow, with
black racing stripes, and it was how she met Spencer. He saw her
admiring it in a parking lot, and they got to talking. He loved that
car, he had bought it used and beat up, and had been restoring it
himself. Spencer was a little uptight, but he wasn't afraid to get
grease under his fingernails, or do hard work. Over the next few
months, they rebuilt the engine together, started dating, and
eventually got married.
Some of her friends thought she was settling for him, but that wasn't
fair. Spencer was a good man, kind, funny, sweet, sensitive and just
goofy enough to be fun. And he was safe. Very, very safe. But he was a
great guy. Her friends didn't give him enough credit, and gave her too
much. She didn't settle for Spencer, she settled for Spencer's car.
Mikaela grabbed a backpack, shoved a couple pairs of underwear in it,
a pair of jeans, and a couple of shirts. She bent down and looked
under the couch. "Are you ready?"
"No."
She reached under, grabbed him, and dragged him out. "You're ready
now."
* * * * * * *
She hit a mailbox on the way out, and then floored it. The engine
purred and growled, and she smiled. Google said she would need almost
15 hours, but she was aiming for 10.
* * * * * * *
Galvatron checked the nursery. The larvae were finally beginning to
hatch, a new Decepticon army that had been incubating for years.
"You have done well, Starscream."
"It was a labor of love, mighty Galvatron."
"They are a hearty bunch, the primal codes of the Fallen run through
them, and they are strong and eager to break free."
"They have my primal codes, too."
"I will *try* not to hold that against them. We shall soon see whom
they take after, the great founder of the Decepticons, or the coward
who served him."
"This coward still lives, unlike the great founder."
"True enough, Starscream. He was rash to strike before he understood
the situation. He should have waited until he was stronger. We would
do well to remember his example."
"The Allspark is still loose on Earth. We should strike now before we
lose it."
"Patience, Starscream, patience. The Autobots don't know how to
harvest its potential, so we have plenty of time. Time enough that we
can wait until we can strike in force."
Gustavo Wombat
Mikaela was cutting through West Virginia at 90mph when she saw the
lights behind her. She had been pretty good at avoiding all the speed
traps, but it looked like she missed one. She briefly considered
trying to outrun him, and in this car she could, but he would have
friends ahead if she did. She began to slow down and pull onto the
shoulder.
"Well, now you've done it, you crazy bitch! You got the fuzz on us!"
"I'll take care of it," she said, brushing the hair out of her eyes,
and adjusting her breasts, and pushing her jacket open.
"You think *that's* going to work?"
"I haven't gotten a ticket yet."
She checked the side view mirror, and saw the officer stepping out of
the car. Wide hips, skinny waist. Shit. She pulled her jacket mostly
closed. Wheelie transformed and rolled off the seat onto the floor.
"Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"
"Sorry, officer, the road was clear and I just really wanted to open
her up."
"Ma'am, if you really opened her up, you would have been going a lot
faster."
Mikaela smiled. She might not be able to get out of the ticket, but
she instinctively liked the trooper. "With those curves up ahead? It
wouldn't be safe."
"Where are you heading?"
"Lancaster. I've got a friend there, I'm worried about him."
"You keep driving like that, you'll give him a reason to worry."
"Yes, officer."
"And see that box of tissues on the back shelf? Do you know what would
happen if you hit a tree? ... It would fly forward at 90mph and embed
into your skull."
"Ew."
"Ew, indeed, ma'am. I've seen the results, and it ain't pretty. ...
Can I see your license and registration?"
"License right here," Mikaela said, pulling out her wallet and handing
over the license, "and the registration is in the glove box." She
reached over towards the glovebox, opened it and began rifling through
the papers.
"How old is your son?"
"What?"
"You have an R/C truck there."
"Oh, that's my husband's. He's turning 30 this year."
"Ah, I see, my husband started that stuff when he turned 30. This his
car, too?"
"Yeah, but he's had it for years."
"Ok, stay here, I have to check your license and registration."
Officer Davis walked back to her cruiser, and began processing the
documents, typing their information into the computer, and waiting for
responses.
Wheelie transformed, and popped his head up. "Is the bitch gone?"
"She'll be back, and don't call her that."
"She giving you a ticket?"
"Looks like it."
"Than she's a bitch."
"Remember when I burnt out your eye with a blow torch?"
"What's that?" Wheelie said, gesturing down the road, at another
police cruiser approaching.
"I don't know," Mikaela answered, nervously. "Spencer wouldn't call
the car in stolen. I hope it's not N.E.S.T."
Officer Davis stepped out of her cruiser, and watched the other
cruiser approach. She hadn't called for any backup, and no alerts had
popped up on the ID or registration. She looked closely -- it wasn't
one of her department's, they didn't have any Mustangs, and the
windows were dark.
The newcomer slowed and rolled by. The logo was unfamiliar, and the
writing on the side was strange -- "To punish and enslave." She rested
her hand on her gun.
Barricade transformed. Officer Davis pulled her gun. Wheelie shreiked.
Mikaela turned the key in the ignition.
"RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!" Barricade barked at the officer, grabbing her
car, tearing a chunk off and throwing it in front of Mikaela's car.
Officer Davis began to fire. Barricade looked at her for a moment --
it would be a kindness to crush her, given what was coming. He looked
at her badge. "ARE YOU OFFICER 3147?"
"Wha..."
"ARE YOU OFFICER 3147?"
"N-n-n-no," Officer Davis responded. "My badge is 3146..."
"THEN SIT OVER THERE!" Barricade bellowed, gesturing randomly.
Mikaela backed the car up to go around the chunk of police cruiser.
Barricade tossed the rest, blocking in front of her and walked over,
blocking her from behind.
"Oh, shit, we're going to die!" Wheelie exclaimed.
Barricade bent down and looked in the window. "YES, YOU WILL. BUT NOT
TODAY."
Barricade's face looked haunted and gaunt -- or at least as haunted
and gaunt as a demonic robot face could. He stared at Mikaela and
Wheelie.
Wheelie backed up, and began rolling down the window behind his back.
"IF YOU RUN, YOU WILL DIE TODAY."
Wheelie stopped. "What's up big guy?"
"THEY ... they thought they found it, but they didn't. And the stupid
humans, they've doomed us all."
"Found what?" Mikaela asked, "doomed us how?"
Barricade regarded her for a moment. "You wouldn't understand. You
should have run, I would have killed you."
Barricade rose up, and started to walk away. Mikaela got out of the
car.
"What? That's it? You chase us down, tear up a car, and for that?"
Barricade turned to face her. "It doesn't matter. Find peace with your
gods, if you have any. You won't find any peace with ours."
"What's going on? What are you scared of?"
Officer Davis walked around behind Barricade, photographing him with
her cell phone.
Barricade turned suddenly, and slammed a fist down in front of her,
cracking the pavement. "WHO DO YOU SERVE?"
"I serve the people of West Virginia"
"ARE YOU WILLING TO DIE FOR THE PEOPLE OF WEST VIRGINIA? DOES YOUR
LIFE MEAN SO LITTLE TO YOU THAT YOU WOULD THROW IT AWAY?"
Officer Davis backed away. She had been trained to deal with
emotionally unstable people, and she hoped it would work with
emotionally unstable robots too. "I don't want to die, but it's always
a possibility when I put on this badge."
"THEN I WOULD TAKE OFF THE BADGE. IT WON'T HELP, BUT IT WON'T HURT
EITHER."
"I'd rather keep it on, if you don't mind."
"SUIT YOURSELF. I'M GOING TO RUN OVER A DEER OR SOMETHING." Barricade
transformed back into a police car, and sped away.
Zobovor
<snip>
This is awesome stuff. I have been planning to jump back into this,
but I want to wait until I have enough time to do it justice. (Anyone
else, feel free to jump in.)
Zob
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
Maybe a summary of the plot so far would help? And if y'all have a
direction, we could keep up with it? I'm getting a definite Unicron
vibe here (very well done, too, hope it doesn't tank, Barricade is my
favourite Movie character after all).
And is Galvatron a reformatted Megs? Or are they different characters?
Gustavo Wombat
> "This is not a courtesy call, Optimus," the senior Autobot cut him
> off. "I have warned you repeatedly about your prolonged excursion on
> that little planet you care so much about, and yet you persist in
> remaining there. There are other battles to be fought, other planets
> that desperately require an Autobot presence. You simply cannot
> continue to make Earth a priority. You must withdraw immediately."
>
> "Our operations on this world are nearly finished, most venerable
> one," Optimus Prime replied. "Only but a few Decepticons remain, and
> once we have washed their presence clean from this fragile planet, we
> will gladly return to Cybertron for further orders."
>
> "Your grace period has expired, Prime," Alpha Trion replied, stroking
> his beard. "How many planetary revolutions have you wasted? Seven?
> Eight? The quest for the Allspark has long since ended, and there
> remains no further strategic advantage to your continued presence
> there. You cannot continue gallivanting across the cosmos, pretending
> that you answer to no one but yourself. I am giving you a direct
> command to return to Cybertron. Any further delays will result in the
> dissolution of your rank. The next time we speak had better be face
> to face."
[snip]
> "As of this moment," Optimus said, "I have been stripped of my rank.
> I am no longer commander of the Autobots. I am no longer a Prime. If
> you follow me, you will likely face the same courtmartial that I
> will. If you follow me, you do so by your own choice. I can no
> longer tell you what to do."
I'm not sure how this fits into the Movieverse -- We know from ROTF
and the IDW comics that Prime isn't a military rank, it's some kind of
inherent attribute passed down secretly from generation to
generation... They have their own fancy language that no one else can
read, etc.
http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Dynasty_of_Primes
Optimus was not even called Optimus Prime until someone noticed that
he had the symbol of the Primes etched into his head. Really.
Actually, it is very similar to the various neo-Christian folklore
about secret cults stemming from the Knights Templar, Freemasons, and
Jesus's child by Mary Magdalene.
> "Metroplex," said Optimus Minor, "set a course due north. It's
> hunting season!"
The little monkey guy? Really? Ok...
Zobovor
> > "As of this moment," Optimus said, "I have been stripped of my rank."
>
> I'm not sure how this fits into the Movieverse -- We know from ROTF
> and the IDW comics that Prime isn't a military rank
Well, Syed Ahsan Salahuddin said we didn't have to take the comics as
canon if we didn't want to (which was fine by me since I haven't read
any of them). In the movie novel, though The Fallen promises to make
Megatron a Prime, which suggests to me that it's a title that can be
assigned or removed at will. I can rewrite that part if you want, but
the basic idea I was going with was that since Megatron had a boss in
Revenge of the Fallen, I liked the symmetry of showing that there's
somebody out there that Optimus Prime has to answer to as well.
> > "Metroplex," said Optimus Minor, "set a course due north. It's
> > hunting season!"
>
> The little monkey guy? Really? Ok...
Not the little monkey guy, no. In the grand tradition of the movie
franchise, I'm borrowing a term from the mythos and assigning a
completely new meaning to it. The idea was that this is the name for
Optimus now that he's no longer a Prime. (It was either that or
Optimus Major, but that somehow still sounds too important. If
nothing else, I figured it would make Brian Kilby happy.)
Zob
Zobovor
wrote:
> Maybe a summary of the plot so far would help? And if y'all have a
> direction, we could keep up with it?
Let's see: Four years after Revenge of the Fallen, Sam has retreated
to live an Amish lifestyle in Pennsylvania, but every time he touches
a machine it becomes evil. After his location was discovered by the
Decepticons, he fled. Either the Allspark wants the Autobots and
Decepticons to stop fighting, or it wants Sam to procreate, or both,
or neither. Bumblebee is still serving as Sam's guardian but they
seem to be drifting apart. Sam is under the protection of Agent
Simmons and Steeljaw, who took him to Mexico to arrange an intimate
liason, and fended off an attempt on Sam's life by Skids and Mudflap,
who have gone rogue. Soundwave is coordinating Decepticon activities
from space while Galvatron and Starscream are tending to the
Decepticon babies. Barricade is predicting doomsday and has already
encountered and warned both Hoist and then Mikaela. The Autobots are
aboard Metroplex en route to North America but Trypticon is poised to
intercept. Mikaela is engaged to a dentist but when she saw the
attack on Sam's farm on the news, she fled across the country with
Wheelie in tow.
Did I miss anything? Wow, this is a lot to keep track of. (This is
the reason I don't work on "Children of Cybertron" very often—there's
so many details to have to remember!)
>I'm getting a definite Unicron vibe here (very well done, too, hope it doesn't
>tank, Barricade is my favourite Movie character after all).
I don't know what Gustavo's got in mind, but I wasn't necessarily
thinking Unicron. I had a vague idea of Galvatron wanting to do
something that would eradicate the Earth, but now that Gustavo's
brought the Decepticon babies back into the picture, I'm beginning to
think they're going to be unleashed upon the planet and start eating
everything. That's how things will unfold if I write it, but somebody
else might get to it before me.
> And is Galvatron a reformatted Megs? Or are they different characters?
I envision it as the new name for another Megatron upgrade that he got
at some point between the second and third (read: this) movie. That's
not set in stone, though, so if someone else wants to take this in a
different direction, be my guest.
Zob
Gustavo Wombat
> On Sep 10, 3:20 pm, Gustavo Wombat <GustavoWom...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> > > "As of this moment," Optimus said, "I have been stripped of my rank."
>
> > I'm not sure how this fits into the Movieverse -- We know from ROTF
> > and the IDW comics that Prime isn't a military rank
>
> Well, Syed Ahsan Salahuddin said we didn't have to take the comics as
> canon if we didn't want to (which was fine by me since I haven't read
> any of them). In the movie novel, though The Fallen promises to make
> Megatron a Prime, which suggests to me that it's a title that can be
> assigned or removed at will.
But ROTF also shows Jetfire being astonished that the Autobots had a
Prime, suggesting that it is something more than a title. Also, if The
Fallen's statement that he can only be killed by a Prime is taken at
face value (which I wouldn't other than the fact that everyone in the
film takes it at face value... he would be giving his disciple the
power to kill him, which might be a promise he has no ability or
desire to keep.
But, then again, Optimus referred to Megatron as his "brother" at the
end of the first movie, did he not? Megatron might already be a Prime,
and just not know it.
Ah, the Movieverse, so tiny and so contradictory!
> I can rewrite that part if you want,
Blasphemy! Do you think Orci, Kurtzman and Kruger rewrote any part of
"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"? I think not. They didn't even
get the title right, since The Fallen never has The Revenge, but that
didn't stop them, they plowed on, addressing some things, leaving some
unaddressed and leaving a trail of continuity issues along the way.
> but
> the basic idea I was going with was that since Megatron had a boss in
> Revenge of the Fallen, I liked the symmetry of showing that there's
> somebody out there that Optimus Prime has to answer to as well.
>
> > > "Metroplex," said Optimus Minor, "set a course due north. It's
> > > hunting season!"
>
> > The little monkey guy? Really? Ok...
>
> Not the little monkey guy, no. In the grand tradition of the movie
> franchise, I'm borrowing a term from the mythos and assigning a
> completely new meaning to it. The idea was that this is the name for
> Optimus now that he's no longer a Prime. (It was either that or
> Optimus Major, but that somehow still sounds too important. If
> nothing else, I figured it would make Brian Kilby happy.)
Yes, yes, I figured as much.
Gustavo!
Gustavo Wombat
> On Sep 10, 5:52 am, Syed Ahsan Salahuddin <ahsan.salahud...@gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > Maybe a summary of the plot so far would help? And if y'all have a
> > direction, we could keep up with it?
>
> Let's see: Four years after Revenge of the Fallen, Sam has retreated
> to live an Amish lifestyle in Pennsylvania, but every time he touches
> a machine it becomes evil. After his location was discovered by the
> Decepticons, he fled. Either the Allspark wants the Autobots and
> Decepticons to stop fighting, or it wants Sam to procreate, or both,
> or neither. Bumblebee is still serving as Sam's guardian but they
> seem to be drifting apart. Sam is under the protection of Agent
> Simmons and Steeljaw, who took him to Mexico to arrange an intimate
> liason, and fended off an attempt on Sam's life by Skids and Mudflap,
> who have gone rogue. Soundwave is coordinating Decepticon activities
> from space while Galvatron and Starscream are tending to the
> Decepticon babies. Barricade is predicting doomsday and has already
> encountered and warned both Hoist and then Mikaela. The Autobots are
> aboard Metroplex en route to North America but Trypticon is poised to
> intercept. Mikaela is engaged to a dentist but when she saw the
> attack on Sam's farm on the news, she fled across the country with
> Wheelie in tow.
>
> Did I miss anything?
Sector 6, run by Seymour Simmons' twin brother Simon Simmons. And a
radio report of Lennox running for congress.
>Wow, this is a lot to keep track of. (This is
> the reason I don't work on "Children of Cybertron" very often—there's
> so many details to have to remember!)
>
> >I'm getting a definite Unicron vibe here (very well done, too, hope it doesn't
> >tank, Barricade is my favourite Movie character after all).
>
> I don't know what Gustavo's got in mind, but I wasn't necessarily
> thinking Unicron.
I have something in mind. But things might go in an entirely different
direction, and someone might close off those possibilities while
opening others, and that's part of the fun, so I don't want to carve
out any direction in advance. (Or Deathy will just kill everyone and
then make them all have sex with each other...)
> > And is Galvatron a reformatted Megs? Or are they different characters?
>
> I envision it as the new name for another Megatron upgrade that he got
> at some point between the second and third (read: this) movie. That's
> not set in stone, though, so if someone else wants to take this in a
> different direction, be my guest.
No one has defined the relationship between Megatron and Galvatron.
(The relationship between Starscream and the Fallen, however, has been
"fleshed out" a little)
Gustavo!
Fun Movieverse Fact: Optimus, Megatron and Sam have all died and been
resurrected by mystical bits of Transformers paraphernalia. Make of
this what you will.
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
Blasphemy indeed. No re-writes. We can edit later on, and somebody can
put it up at Transformersfanfic.com for posterity. But let's keep it
as is.
So far as direction goes, we now know where the story is at the
moment, and I think we've set the stage. Now we start giving people
the pay-off, i.e. revealing what new and horrifying disaster is about
to overtake human civilization as we know it.
And if someone says "Shockwave was responsible for it all!", I'll beat
them to death with a spoon.
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
Mars, the red planet, named after the Roman god of war for its blood-
red appearance in Earth's night sky; a dead planet, it was once
thought to be home to a species as sapient as that on Earth. And now
there is life on Mars, but nothing like what had been envisioned by
the dreamers of humanity, for it is now a base for the cruel
DECEPTICONS, who even now plot the demise of the blue-green morning-
star in the Mars sky.
******
At its closest approach, Mars is a mere 56 million kilometres from
Earth, though now it is twice that far. But this made little
difference to STARSCREAM, who tore through the intervening nothing in
a flash, with neither a care nor a thought to arbitrary limits thought
relevant by terran science. His approach went unmarked by any human
agency, whose crude sensors were unable to see him though Starscream
had not made any special attempt to mask his presence, reveling in the
feel of his engines thrumming through the vast openness of space. But
his arrival did not go entirely unnoticed...
"Starscream. You have grown excessively sloppy. I had detected you
from well beyond Earth's gravity well," said Soundwave, having already
recorded the jet's telemetry, and briefly contemplated 'leaking' it to
a few of the more significant human military forces, dismissing the
idea as impractical, unprofessional and unnecessarily risky to
himself.
"Blow it out your exhaust, Soundwave, I've come to talk, not exchange
pleasantries," replied Starscream almost cheerfully. He buzzed the
stationary satellite insolently, and transformed into robot mode next
to it. "Now transform so that we can at least speak face-to-face. We
haven't had a 'civil conversation' since you were 'promoted' to second-
in-command, have we?"
Soundwave reluctantly shifted to robot mode, already composing a com-
burst for help when this meeting would inevitably erupt into violence.
Starscream could not be happy about Galvatron favouring Soundwave, and
he'd been rehearsing this moment for a while. A shame that he hadn't
completed programming of his new drone, but it would at least serve as
a distraction so he could drop into the atmosphere to use his sonic
cannons...
"That won't be necessary, Soundwave," laughed Starscream. "You're no
warrior, and if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already. Don't
insult me by thinking you could be a match for me. I told you I came
to talk, didn't I?"
"Then speak," said Soundwave, his voice drifting into monotone, as he
absentmindedly began recording this conversation, labelling it as
'Starscream-blackmail-material-<timestamp>' for future reference.
"I came to ask, Soundwave, why do you continue to follow that purple
maniac? After that debacle with the Fallen, surely even you can see
that Mega-... /Galva/tron is two chips short of a backplane. When I
urged patience, he rushes headlong into a confrontation that cost us
most of my unit on Earth. After he lost, /I/ kept the Decepticons
alive, and began raising the hatchlings. /I/ tracked the accursed
AllSpark fragment, and when Megatron lost /again/, I ensured he didn't
share his master's fate. And now that things are coming to a head, /
he/ urges patience, allowing our enemies to build their strength. This
cannot endure! Join me, and we can destroy Galvatron, and rule the
Decepticons together."
"He is /Galvatron/. He is the only Decepticon leader. Where he
commands, /all/ Decepticons follow. You know this, Starscream. No-one
will follow you so long as there is even the slightest suspicion that
he is alive." Soundwave flicked off his recorder. "You are foolish,
Starscream. Galvatron may be powerful, but even he cannot be
everywhere. Galvatron commands, but how his commands are /interpreted/
is our job. And if he becomes too great a problem... well, he need not
be destroyed. He can simply be... removed. Sent away. Just as he was
when he disappeared giving chase to the AllSpark."
Soundwave transformed back into satellite mode as Starscream, with a
gleam in his optics dropped into Earth's atmosphere, already shifting
into his jet mode. Soundwave indulged himself in a small chuckle.
Galvatron was not the only one who was easy to manipulate...
******
Gustavo Wombat
and the grafitti appeared on his side. He continued to scan cracked
windshields and rust spots until he blended into the environment.
Ironhide rolled in behind him, shiny, bright and new. "I think you're
taking this disguise thing a bit too seriously."
"You should try it. Solves a lot of problems."
"I've got guns if thee are any problems that need solving."
"Optimus wants us to be discrete."
"Optimus wants lots of things. We'll just blend in with the rest of
the giant fighting robots. Hey, look, lots of Mojo, on the left."
Ratchet redirected his sensors onto a couple of garbage cans,
overflowing with garbage and rats. "While they are similar in size and
appearance to Mojo, they are actually an entirely different species.
It's probably a case of parallel evolution, although that seems odd
since they occupy an entirely different ecological niche. Perhaps wild
chihuahuas are scavengers, and Mojo was domesticated."
Bumblebee rolled up. "♪ A Cheap holiday in other people's misery! ♫"
"Bumblebee, show some respect."
"♪ I don't wanna holiday in the sun
I wanna go to new Belsen ♫"
"Well we're here, and we have a job to do. The sooner we find Sam, the
sooner we can get out of here. Steeljaw's last report said that they
were still in the area."
They made their way to the remains of Big Jhon's Hotel, and scanned
about. "I'd say someone wasn't very discrete. The cannon fire is
definitely Cybertronian in nature, and I'm picking up traces of
Allspark radiation here."
"Can I shoot something yet?"
"No, Ironhide, you cannot shoot something. And turn on your holo-
driver, we're drawing attention."
"♪ They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total prostitute,
'kay? I mean, her butt, is just so big. ♫"
"Ah, the local fauna appear to be coming out to look around. Please,
act casual, and don't draw attention to yourselves. Let's take a look
around, and see if we can figure out what happened here while we wait
for Steeljaw."
"♪ The girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado, When he would
drive down their street in his El Dorado ... "
A purple El Dorado approached them and began to transform, while the
prostitutes stood transfixed.
" ... He could walk down your street, Girls could not resist his stare
So Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole, Not like you ♫"
The El Dorado robot transformed his arm into a cannon and began to
fire upon the Autobots.
"Ironhide!"
Ironhide transformed, and returned fire. Bumblebee transformed, ducked
behind a car, and fired his own cannon.
A VW bug approached Bumblebee from behind, transformed and shot him in
the back while he was distracted. He slumped forward over the car,
crying in pain.
Ratchet rammed the VW Bug robot, then transformed and hacked into him
with his axe, taking off an arm. The VW Bug robot attempted to back
away, but Ratchet split his head in half with his axe, and then
decapitated him.
Ironhide blasted the El Dorado from short range, and the El Dorado
transformed back into a car and sped away.
Ironhide transformed to pursue him.
"Ironhide, no! We have wounded. Stay here and cover me while I take
care of him."
Ironhide transformed back into robot mode. "Is he going to make it?"
"It's bad, but it looks worse than it is. I need to fix some stuff
right now, though, or he'll have lasting damage. Bumblebee, this is
going to be uncomfortable."
Ratchet shoved his arm deep inside Bumblebee.
"♪ It hurts so good. Come on baby make it hurt so good. ♫"
Ratchet shoved things around for a few minutes. "Ok, Bumblebee, I've
realigned your transformation cog, but you're still losing a lot of
Energon. We need to get out of here and then I can fix you up
properly. Can you transform?"
Bumblebee squeeled with agony as he transformed.
"How are you feeling?"
"♪ I can't drive 55 ♫"
"Don't worry, you won't have to. We just have to get out of here
before the authorities show up, and find somewhere safe to finish the
repairs."
A large orange tabby hopped onto Bumblebee's hood. "I can help with
that. There's a junk yard about a quarter of a mile from here,
private, quiet."
"Ah, Steeljaw, there you are, just in time to miss all the fun."
Ironhide said, reproachfully.
"I would have helped out, but there were giant robots shooting
missiles at each other."
"Save your arguing for later, you two. We need to get out of here
before the authorities arrive. The local citizens are already
beginning to come out of hiding.
"Relax, this is Tijuana. The police won't come until they're sure it
is safe." Steeljaw transformed, launched a small missile at the top
floor of the destroyed Big Jhon hotel, and then transformed back.
"That will give you another ten minutes or so."
"Crude, but effective. Hop in and lead the way."
* * * * * *
At the junkyard, Ratchet continued work on Bumblebee.
"Those Decepticons were new." Ironhide noted.
"Sam touched some cars to create a diversion to get away from Skids
and Mudflap." Steeljaw explained.
"I wish we had taken some samples of the robots who attacked us. It
might have shed some light on what is happening to him." Ratchet
observed.
"We can get him to touch a pencil sharpener or something."
"Where is the boy?"
"Nearby. Agent Simmons has a theory that he needs to procreate."
"With the boy? I thought humans only had two genders, they're much
more complicated than I thought."
"No, Agent Simmons has a theory that *Sam* needs to procreate."
"Hmm, well I don't think that's a good idea. Bumblebee, try to
transform."
Bumblebee transformed into robot mode.
"How do you feel?"
"♪ Two minutes to midnight, the hands that threaten doom ♫"
"Oh, come on, it's a rough patch job, but it's not so bad. Your
internal repair systems will finish the job soon enough. Now let's go
find Sam."
* * * * * *
Agent Simmons was talking to a prostitute in front of the bordello.
"Ah, my little taquito, my friend here is very friendly. And he would
like to be your friend, but what you ask is a bit much."
"Freakjobs pay more."
"No, no, no, he's not a freakjob, he's a tourist, and his clothes were
stolen."
"He doesn't even speak for himself."
"He's shy! It's not strange, it's endearing!"
"No, it's creepy. He's wearing flippers and a viking helmet and
coughing up blood."
Agent Simmons walked over the Sam. "How about her friend? She's a
little thicker, but that's just more cushion for the pushing. What do
you say?"
Ratchet rolled up. "The boy's pheromone levels suggests he does not
want to mate with the female."
* * * * * * * *
Galvatron walked through the nursery examining each of the larvae
until he found a particularly large one that tried to bite his hand as
he examined it. He pressed his hand against its head, and winced. He
could feel the fragment within him, the sliver of the Allspark that
had resurrected him, burning within his chest. His hand glowed.
"You shall be Cyclonus, a fierce, proud warrior, my unswerving
lieutenant" Galvatron said, reaching for another larva, "and you shall
be Scourge, master of the hunt."
Galvatron was weak, he clutched his chest where the fragment of the
Allspark resided, and collapsed against a column. He watched as the
larvae restructured themselves, and their development increased. He
wasn't sure he could do that again -- the rest would have to grow
naturally.
Starscream approached from behind.
"Mighty Galvatron---"
Galvatron looked up, his head shaking and his voice raspy. "...
Megatron ... I ... am ... Megatron ...".
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
<ahsan.salahud...@gmail.com> wrote:
> *******
>
> Mars, the red planet, named after the Roman god of war for its blood-
> Galvatron was not the only one who was easy to manipulate...
>
> ******
Okay, two things; I may have goofed up here, because I completely
forgot about the Nemesis. That's where all the Decepticons are now,
right? So, y'know, Mars is no longer their base. Oh well. We'll fix it
in the final edit, right?
Second, my section is self-contained. I kinda know f***-all about
driving a story forward, being better at "setting the stage" and stuff
like that, so we can move what I've just written elsewhere. I don't
want to give the impression that Screamer is spending all his time
shuttling between where the Nemesis is and Earth.
Gustavo Wombat
> Galvatron walked through the nursery examining each of the larvae
> until he found a particularly large one that tried to bite his hand as
> he examined it. He pressed his hand against its head, and winced. He
> could feel the fragment within him, the sliver of the Allspark that
> had resurrected him, burning within his chest. His hand glowed.
>
> "You shall be Cyclonus, a fierce, proud warrior, my unswerving
> lieutenant" Galvatron said, reaching for another larva, "and you shall
> be Scourge, master of the hunt."
>
> Galvatron was weak, he clutched his chest where the fragment of the
> Allspark resided, and collapsed against a column. He watched as the
> larvae restructured themselves, and their development increased. He
> wasn't sure he could do that again -- the rest would have to grow
> naturally.
>
> Starscream approached from behind.
>
> "Mighty Galvatron---"
>
> Galvatron looked up, his head shaking and his voice raspy. "...
> Megatron ... I ... am ... Megatron ...".
Starscream pondered this briefly, but realized that this was his best
chance to be rid of his only obstacle to leading the Decepticons. He
walked up to his exhausted leader, armed his missiles and pointed them
at Galvatron's chest.
"Megatron, Galvatron, make up your mind, how shall we eulogize you?"
"... Starscream ... if you had what it takes to lead ... I would be
dead already..."
"I was just biding my time, growing my army, waiting for a moment when
I could not lose. "
"... You are ... a ... fool ..."
"I am a fool? Who is lying helpless on the ground? Who waits forever
in space waiting instead of striking? Who lost the Allspark? Who lost
the Solar Harvester? Who lost the Matrix?"
"... Stascream ... stop talking ..."
"Stop talking? Do you really think that you are in a position to give
commands, Mighty Megatron? With you out of the way, the Decepticons
will finally accept me as their leader! I will rule supreme!"
Megatron felt the power returning, pulsing through his conduits.
"... Starscream ..."
"It pleases me to hear you say it, on your knees, grovelling for your
miserable life, but you cannot expect that I would spare you, can you?
Would you do as much if the roles were reversed?"
Megatron could see the dark forms moving behind Starscream. "...
strike ..."
"Of course you would strike. Still, it pains me to do this to you. Not
that it isn't worth it, of course, but still it pains me. Actually,
more of a gentle irritant than an actual pain--AAUUGH!"
Starscream screamed as a fist ripped out of his chest. Cyclonus stood
behind him, massaging his Energon regulator in his hand.
"Mighty Galvatron, I hold the traitor's life in my hand. What are your
orders?"
"... release him ... he still has ... value ..."
"As you wish, my lord." Cyclonus released the regulator, and pulled
his hand back through Starscream's body. Starscream fell in a lump on
the floor.
Megatron began to pull himself up, feeling the energy coursing through
himself. Feeling the rage and the passion build within him. He looked
down at the fallen traitor, his best chance of release. "... take him
away ..."
"As you wish, my lord," Cyclonus said, grabbing Starscream's leg and
dragging him away.
Megatron looked away for a moment, fighting back the energy waves,
grabbing at his chest, filled with pain emanating from the fragment of
the Allspark, but finally succumbing. His eyes flashed orange, and
Galvatron rose.
"Scourge, select your Sweeps, make them strong and loyal and fill them
with thoughts of vengeance and hatred for the humans."
"Yes, Mighty Galvatron."
SteveD
<Gustav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Megatron could see the dark forms moving behind Starscream. "...
>strike ..."
I was half-expecting a reference to why Cyclonus doesn't have the
followers Scourge does, along the lines of them both being originally
grown to be army-leaders but Megatron having to activate one of them early
to take out Starscream, thus interrupting the minion-bonding process and
leaving Scourge as the only clone commander.
Or even no reference to Scourge until Cyclonus was prematurely decanted,
then having him revealed as a backup plan by Megatron in case something
went wrong with Cyc.
-SteveD
Gustavo Wombat
the coastline. He had a flight mode, but for the moment, stealth was
the order of the day.
A voice boomed over the intercom. "We are approaching Ensadena."
Optimus glanced up at the map on the monitors. "Men, this is it, this
is the point of no return. If you follow me now, you will be actively
disobeying the Autobot high command, and there will be consequences
when you return to Cybertron.
"I must stay. I died here, I was reborn here, my destiny is here,
intertwined with the destinies of Sam Witwicky and the Allspark. This
is my home now. I believe the future of our race lies here, among
these small, fragile people who are so very much like us. Our
histories have been tied together since the age of the original
Primes.
"The Decepticons aren't leaving, and we cannot leave these people to
the Decepticons. *I* won't leave these people to the Decepticons. They
need our help, and I cannot turn my back on them.
"But, there is no avoiding the fact that this is we break from the
Autobot leadership. If you stay with me, you are a deserter."
A voice bellowed over the intercom. "I will stay."
"Thank you, Metroplex."
Jolt sighed. "Well, there goes my ride. Listen, if I'm stuck here, the
best thing I can do I can do is help out so we can get out of here as
fast as possible. Surely Alpha Trion will understand that."
The other Autobots mumbled their assent.
"No, I cannot let you get off that easily," Optimus said, "Metroplex
will take anyone out of orbit that wants to return. Protoform
transport modes will get you to Cybertron soon enough."
Sideswipe cocked his head slightly. "That would give away your
position, and I won't be a part of that."
"And if there are Decepticons out there, protoform modes are easy
targets," Dune Runner added.
"Ok, ok, you guys can make all the excuses you want, I'm not a part of
this," Backtrack said, "I'm not going to make you do anything to give
away your position, and I'm not going to try to change your minds, but
I'm sitting this out. I'll zip off, and blend in, and when the high
command sends a ship to investigate, I'll be out of here."
"I always suspected you were yellow", Sideswipe said, "you always
shied away from a fight."
"No, Sideswipe, that's not fair." Optimus reprimanded. "Backtrack has
always done his part -- he's built for reconnaissance, not battle, and
he's been invaluable. If he doesn't want to turn his back on the High
Command, that's his choice and we have to respect that."
Sideswipe grumbled.
"If I see any Decepticon activity, I'll let you know," Backtrack
offered, helpfully.
"Thank you, Backtrack. Anyone else want to go?" Optimus asked.
No one moved, but they all looked around.
"Ok then," Optimus continued, "Sideswipe, pick a team, we're going to
Tijuana to recover Sam. Be ready in 30 minutes. We will rendezvous
with the rest of you in two days, further up the coast."
"Tijuana?" Big Daddy said, enthusiastically, "I am there!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Optimus Minor plodded down the corridors of Metroplex, angsty and
irritated. He was sick of being stuck inside the base.
He had been a brilliant field commander once, a rising star in the
Autobot forces on Earth, and had been given the name Optimus Minor as
a bit of a joke by those under his command -- a bit of a compliment
and a put down all in one, a reference to his resemblance to Optimus
Prime and his leadership and his status as a junior commander. He
eventually embraced the name, and almost no one still called him
Rollbar.
But field work was behind him now. The Autobots had tried to replicate
the unique alt-mode of the Decepticon Alice, to create a Transformer
that could walk among the humans without suspicion. It was a great
opportunity -- the Decepticons had captured and killed a high ranking
military officer, and Optimus Minor had volunteered to take his place
before anyone noticed, to help steer the course of the war from inside
the human government.
But, everything was rushed, and the attempt to replicate the General
failed miserably. Ratchet had tried to replicate the General from his
DNA, rather than have Optimus Minor scan a mechanical replica -- it
would have been more realistic. And, to be honest, Ramhorn's cow mode
wouldn't fool anyone up close, so this made sense.
Unfortunately, humans share most of their DNA with other species on
the planet, and the wrong portions of DNA were activated, and
something went wrong with the integration. Optimus Minor now
transformed from a cybernetic primate to a nearly identical cybernetic
primate through an overly long transformation sequence with no real
effect.
He couldn't go out in the field anymore, not without blowing his
team's disguise. He became Optimus Prime's right hand man inside
Metroplex, and he was great at it, but it didn't fill him with the
same joy as tearing through a Decepticon's innards.
He paced down the hall in one mode, and then transformed into his
other mode and paced the other way.
Sideswipe tapped against the metal wall, rousing Optimus Minor from
his silent contemplation.
"Putting a team together to get Sam, there might be some action, you
want in?"
Minor looked at him, and just gestured towards his body, covered in
fur and metal.
"Don't worry about it, you can ride inside when we're in the open."
"Cooped up in Metroplex, or cooped up in you, great options."
"Come on, you'll get out and about. See new places, meet people."
"Sounds good. Let's go."
Gustavo Wombat
> Unfortunately, humans share most of their DNA with other species on
> the planet, and the wrong portions of DNA were activated, and
> something went wrong with the integration. Optimus Minor now
> transformed from a cybernetic primate to a nearly identical cybernetic
> primate through an overly long transformation sequence with no real
> effect.
And what was worse, he was stuck. His scanners still functioned, but
his body just could not, or would not, accept a new configuration.
------------------------------------------
Eek. I missed that part. Obviously, if he wasn't stuck, he would have
found a better alt-mode, and rid himself of his freakish furry mess of
a body, and where would the fun be in that? Plus, it makes sense that
the Autobots would attempt to match the Decepticon's technological
advances, and that it wouldn't be immediately successful.
Plus, the Transmetal 2s fit right in with the movie designs.
Gustavo! (back to packing)
Gustavo Wombat
It was a 70 mile drive north to Tijuana, but it was a secluded spot
where Metroplex could surface without being seen.
Optimus header out onto the beach first, and followed by Backtrack,
Beachcomber and Glyph.
"Optimus," Backtrack began, "it has been a pleasure and an honor
serving under you. I hope this entire mess with Alpha Trion sorts
itself out soon."
"Farewell, my friend, you will be missed."
"Optimus, I'm sorry," Beachcomber began to explain, "I just can't stay
anymore. I guess I wasn't even brave enough to say it in front of
everyone else."
"I know it's asking a lot, and I don't blame you for leaving. The
Autobots will send a ship soon enough, so keep your communicator on."
"Actually, I think I'm done with all of this. While everyone else is
deserting the Autobots, I'm just going to desert the entire war. I'm
done with fighting. I've never been a warrior, I'm a scientist."
"Hmm. I see."
"No, I don't think you do. We've been fighting for so long that we've
become as bad as what we are fighting against. The very act of
fighting corrodes our sparks and makes us less than we could be, less
than we should be."
"I think I understand."
"No, I don't think you do. If you did, you wouldn't be fighting
either."
"I fight so others don't have to."
"Who doesn't have to? Who on Cybertron isn't a part of this war? Who
on Cybertron hasn't been drafted into the military on one side or the
other? Who on Cybertron is free?"
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings, but freedom isn't free."
"I'm sorry, Optimus, but I'm done."
"Very well. I'll record that you left with Backtrack, refusing to
break from the Autobot command, in case you change your mind."
"Record me as killed in action, so they don't look for me."
"Missing in action, presumed dead."
"Thank you, Optimus."
"Farewell, my friend, you will be missed."
Beachcomber quickly transformed and left.
Glyph stood there for a moment, considering what to say.
"You too, Glyph?"
"Yes -- well no, but yes."
"I don't understand."
"I'm not much of a fighter sir, but what you said, about our race's
destiny being intertwined with the humans... there are some ruins a
few hundred miles south with Cybertronian symbols... whatever is going
on with the Allspark now might have started back then... and I'm a
linguist and a bit of an archaeologist... I can read ancient
Cybertronian, and even most of the Language of the Primes."
"You want to go check out the ruins?"
"Yes sir. Those ones and a few more further south... There are some
pyramids with markings, and it seems odd there would be pyramids near
The Fallen in Egypt and in South America..."
"I worry about you on your own. As you said, you're not much of a
fighter."
"I can handle myself if I need to, sir... if there aren't very many
Decepticons."
"Optimus," Backtrack interrupted, "I'll go with her, at least until
High Command sends a ship. Should be a while."
"If you run into trouble, contact us, or Stratosphere. We'll do what
we can."
"Will do."
"Thank you, my friend. You really will be missed. And thank you for
keeping an eye on Glyph."
"You mean I can go, sir?"
"I'm a deserter myself, Glyph, how could I stop you? And you may be
more useful to us investigating these symbols than you would be with a
gun."
"Thank you, sir."
"No, thank you, Glyph, and don't call me 'sir', I'm not a Prime
anymore."
"They can take the rank and title away from you, sir, but you're still
a Prime."
"Thank you, Glyph, I'll miss having you around."
Glyph and Backtrack transformed, and took off south. Backtrack's
holographic driver flickered into existence as they went over the
horizon.
Sideswipe, Big Daddy, Armorhide and Gears emerged from Metroplex.
"Sideswipe, is this everyone?" Optimus asked.
In answer, Sideswipe rolled down his window, and Optimus Minor stuck
his head out.
"Autobots, roll out!"
Metroplex rolled backwards, back into the ocean, and then continued
north.
------------------------------------
The Movieverse really, really lacks scientists, which is odd since
Optimus was supposed to have been the head of the Science Division.
Beachcomber and Glyph fit in well enough.
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
> ------------------------------------
>
> The Movieverse really, really lacks scientists, which is odd since
> Optimus was supposed to have been the head of the Science Division.
> Beachcomber and Glyph fit in well enough.
Hella new characters, but oh well. It would be nicer to have a third
movie actually focusing on Transformers, wouldn't it? Right, my turn.
Hope it turns out well...
Ninja Edit: Yeah... I apologize for the attempts at humour. I couldn't
help myself.
*******
Accustomed as the Autobots were to hiding from their more militant
kindred, hiding an energy signature as large as Metroplex was still
difficult at the best of times, and the landing at a secluded beach
shone like a supernova on the sensors of Soundwave. And Metroplex's
subsequent retreat into the ocean depths could only mean that someone
or something had been off-loaded into the municipality of Ensenada.
Metroplex needed to be dealt with, and Trypticon would be provided the
projected heading and speed of the mobile Autobot base, but this would
require a more subtle hand...
******
A flight of strange craft flashed almost silently over the now
deserted beach, scattering seabirds and terrifying tutles. Had a
member of the JUCAS (Joint Unmanned Combat Air System) program been on
the beach he would have (after having gotten over the shock of being
all alone on a beach in Mexico at night with strange planes bearing
down on him) identified the flight as consisting of what looked a
modified X-45, trailed by four X-47 aircraft. He would have been
further shocked by their transformation into robotic forms that he
would have struggled to identify, but would settle on the word
"horrific", and would lie on the ground gibbering before his fate was
also reduced to something poets would describe as "horrific".
The lead craft transformed into a roughly humanoid creature, large
wings erupting from his back, like a demon from hell. The smaller
crafts transformed about him, changing into more bestial forms, four-
legged, winged, heads appearing to be all snout and ears, hellhounds
forged in steel. For this was SCOURGE and his huntsmen, the SWEEPS,
BANE, TORMENT, BLIGHT and RUIN.
While Scourge scanned the perimeter with his superior optics, the four
Sweeps loped silently across the beach, seemingly acting in concert
without communication. On occasion they would issue curious clicks or
quiet screeches, bursts of information only understood by their
packmates or their master, lost quickly in the gathering night. While
their vision was nowhere as acute as that of Scourge, they each made
up for this in the sharpness of their auditory sensors, their sense of
scent, and the more exotic of components in their sensor packages.
Quickly, they had compiled a picture of what had taken place a short
while ago.
*One Autobot, designation Ix-1, small, off-road configuration, moving
away from populated regions, heading...*
*Two Autobots, designation Rhu-1 and Rhu-2, small, Rhu-1 4-wheeled
road vehicle, Rhu-2 2-wheeled road vehicle, moving south, heading...*
*Five Autobots, designations Eiuk-1 to Eiuk-5 ranging from large,
Prime probable, to mid-sized, moving south, heading...*
*Assessment, Group Ix recon or stealth specialist likely, if traceable
would be easiest to subdue, threat level 0.1%...*
*Assessment, Group Rhu fact-finding mission? interrogation may fulfill
tertiary objective TRACE ADDITIONAL CYBERTONIAN ARTIFACTS, threat
level 10.23%...*
*Assessment, Group Eiuk primary mission force 97% probability, current
force insufficient for intercept, threat level 100%...*
*Recommendations, split forces to follow objectives...*
*I will track, intercept, interrogate and eliminate Ix-1, Bane,
Torment and Ruin will track, intercept, interrogate and eliminate
Rhu-1 and Rhu-2. Blight, track Group Euik.*
Moments after their arrival, the shapes once again transformed into
their jet modes and flew away, as silently as they had appeared. But
for the lightest of impressions on the sand, swept away by the wind
that roared across the beach, they might never have been there.
Lightning flashed. A storm was coming.
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
<ahsan.salahud...@gmail.com> wrote:
--------------SNIP-SNIP-SNIP-------
> Lightning flashed. A storm was coming.
I'm really sorry, but I completed forgot to add a couple of notes. I
should have stuck them into my part of the story, but I was so pleased
at actually having written something that I clicked "Send" before I
knew what was up. Anyway:
- Credit to the weird group names to Koilungfish, whose Koipedia I
looked through to figure out what the Transformers language should
sound like (in lieu of Decepticons calling groups "Alpha", "Bravo" and
"Charlie", which would have been too hokey
- Damn you Gustavo Wombat for actually working hard on this and
forcing me to do a bit of research. Most of the characters you've
mentioned actually do appear in the Movieverse catalog (even though
Backtrack was canceled, but oh well). I had a hell of a time looking
up the environs of Baja California, and I couldn't really find the
names of any beaches that weren't terribly developed, so I left it
unnamed.
- Hope no-one's too peeved about the Sweeps being turned into hunting-
dogs and having names. Well, they're still fully paid-up members of
the Decepticons rather than mindless drones (or intelligent drones for
that matter), but I preferred the idea of them having beast forms.
Feel free to have them walking around on their rear legs if they need
to grab something. I should think they'll be okay with that. And yes,
they have wings. The Sweeps wouldn't be Sweeps without wings. And
they're scrunchy-looking to keep Bay happy.
- The Boeing X-45 Bird of Prey and Nothrop Grumman X-47 Pegasus are
unmanned combat air vehicles, picked out because they are (a) cool-
looking, (b) are stealth aircraft, (c) neither are retired and (d)
might resemble the original Sweeps if someone stuck wings on them and
sanded down all the edges.
- I'm really really sorry for that first paragraph of the second scene.
Gustavo Wombat
of Sam's house. She had knocked, but got no response, and when she
checked the barn, all of the animals were gone.
It was late afternoon, and the sun was low on the horizon. She
instinctively reached for the light switch, and then realized that
there wouldn't be one. "Wheelie, get over here and use your little
headlights."
"What? Stupid bitch forgot to bring the flashlight?"
Mikaela gave Wheelie a frosty look.
"Here you go, I grabbed it from the glove box," Wheelie said, offering
up a flashlight.
Mikaela grabbed it quickly from the diminutive robot.
"What? Stupid bitch doesn't say thank you?"
"Stupid bitch will run you over, if you keep that up."
Wheelie muttered something unintelligible in Cybertronian.
Mikaela started looking around. She wasn't sure what she was looking
for, just something out of place. The house was very small, and a
little dirty. There was some mail on the table, and she picked it up
and read Sam's letter from his mother.
Sam's parents hadn't answered the phone in several days, and she hoped
that everything was alright.
She checked the bedroom, and lifted up the mattress. Dirty magazines.
"Well, Wheelie, I don't think Sam has been a good little Amish boy.
Have you found anything?"
"Quilts. Lots and lots of quilts."
"Yeah, same here."
There was a knock at the door, and a voice called out "Sam?"
"Wheelie, hide, I'll take care of this."
"Oh, I'll just transform into a fucking quilt, or a buggy whip..."
"Just hide under the bed or something."
Mikaela went to the door. "Hello?"
"Hello, Ma'am, you a friend of Sam Witwicky?" Amos asked.
"Oh, yes, I'm Mikaela. I was worried about him, so I thought that I'd
stop by and check for him."
"Is he there?"
"No."
"I haven't seen him since the day the giant robots attacked. When I
saw the car and the lights inside, I was hoping he had come back."
"You know him?"
"Ma'am, my name is Amos Shetler. I'm Sam's neighbor, and I dare say
his friend. The animals are over at my place, if you're worried about
them."
"Has he been happy here?"
"Well... not sure about that. He took a while to settle in, but the
last few months he's seemed to be doing well. Gotta say, a lot of
outsiders who come don't stick it out as long as he has."
"Well, he has a good reason for trying to stay."
"That would be you?"
"Well, sort of..."
"He told me about you ... nothing bad. You were the one thing he
regretted leaving behind."
"I... I'm not sure I wanted to know that."
"You know, people say that to me fairly often. You would think I'd
learn, but no."
"It's all right. So, you've heard nothing?"
"He went into town to try to call his parents, and then there was
chaos, and I don't think anyone knows what happened after that."
"He used a phone?"
"He makes the sheriff put him on speaker phone, and won't touch
anything. He's an odd fellow. I don't think anyone here is going to
hold it against him if he wants to talk to his sick father. People
always think the Amish hate technology, but that's not true at all, we
just choose technologies carefully."
Mikaela was silent for a moment. The Decepticons might not have found
Sam, this all might have been because of the telephone call.
There was a crash nearby and Mikaela and Amos looked over to see
Wheelie lying under a pile of horse shoes. Wheelie quickly transformed
to vehicle mode, and tried to look innocuous.
Amos stepped between Wheelie and Mikaela, and reached for a broom.
"Careful, it's one of them!"
"He's harmless, he's with me."
"I'm harmless?!? You stupid bitch, I'll show you fucking harmless!"
Wheelie shrieked, offended.
"Yes, you're harmless," Mikaela said to Wheelie, and then turned to
Amos. "Really, he's harmless. Other than his mouth."
"Sam brought these robots here, didn't he?"
"He might have," Mikaela responded, "I don't know."
"I don't think the Bishop is going to like that. Giant robots blowing
up the town... that's technology we don't need."
"Tell me about it," Mikaela agreed.
"Hey! I'm right here, in the room!" Wheelie protested.
"Well, when you find Sam, tell him I've got the animals."
"If I find him..." Mikaela said, discouraged.
"He's out there somewhere."
* * * * * *
Mikaela and Wheelie got in the Camaro and headed towards town. Wheelie
flipped on the radio.
"---and that's what I'm saying. The robots are dangerous. Just look
what happened to Tijuana. Ok, that might be a bad example because no
one will see the difference, but the problem is still there. They're
showing up everywhere, and we don't know what they are up to."
"Tijuana?" Mikaela said aloud.
"Listen, you stupid bitch, we can't just keep chasing sightings, we
have to have a plan!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, not advancing the plot much -- and the plot needs some advancing
-- but trying to get Mikaela into the main plot. Of course, she can't
actually drive to Tijuana in the time it takes the Autobots to get
there, but hopefully she'll run into someone who can steer her to
where Sam will be.
Gustavo!
No One in Particular
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Ok, not advancing the plot much -- and the plot needs some advancing
> -- but trying to get Mikaela into the main plot. Of course, she can't
> actually drive to Tijuana in the time it takes the Autobots to get
> there, but hopefully she'll run into someone who can steer her to
> where Sam will be.
>
> Gustavo!
That never stopped the Autobots in G1. "The Decepticons are in New Zealand?
We can be there in 15 minutes!" And thten they transform, and DRIVE there.
Brian. Or Primal's Maximals either, for that matter...
Gustavo Wombat
were hiding in was hot and dirty, almost as bad as the motel he had
been in with Agent Simmons.
"Are you almost finished, Ratchet? Every time you scan me I feel all
funny, like the Allspark is poking me all over."
"I appreciate your patience, Sam." Ratchet said, absentmindedly,
adjusting the frequency of his scanner and hitting Sam again.
"Can I at least put my clothes on?" Sam asked, before starting another
round of uncomfortable coughing, flecks of blood in his hands.
"I'm sorry, Sam, that suit is rubberized. It interferes with my
scans."
"Hey, kid," Agent Simmons called out from behind a lead shield,
"remember when your girlfriend made me strip down to my undies and
tied me to a street light?"
Sam glared at him. "Yes, yes, poetic justice or irony or something.
That's really big of you."
"Kid, you got me all wrong. I liked it. I *really* liked it."
"So, let me get this straight, Agent Simmons," Ratchet began, "you
found Sam wincing in pain, limping, sparking, and coughing up blood,
and you decided he needed to go to Tijuana to mate?"
"What? The Allspark obviously wants to get out, and all the Allspark
does is create life."
Ratchet stared at him.
"Ratchet, what have you found?" Optimus Prime asked.
"Well, I'm not sure. The energy inside him definitely matches the
readings we got from the Allspark cube, but the effects are unlike
anything I've seen."
"Is that bad?" Sam asked.
"I think I might have an explanation for the coughing up blood. Watch
this." Ratchet zapped Sam again with his scanner, and Sam winced a
little bit and then began coughing uncontrollably for about 30
seconds.
"Will you stop that?" Sam said, once he got his breath back.
"The energies inside him are reacting to my scanner, and are trying to
take the iron and trace metals in his blood and build something with
them. And I've tried a bunch of different low level radiations,
mimicking power lines and cell phones, and he's had a similar, smaller
reaction to those. There's just not enough metal in him, and not
enough power in the scans for the Allspark to do anything big."
"Is there any way to get this energy out of him?" Optimus asked.
"I don't know. And I don't know that it would be a good idea." Ratchet
replied.
"I think it would be a great idea." Sam said.
"Great for you, yes," Ratchet responded, "but given what happens when
some of the energy does leak out, everyone else might be safer while
the energy is contained."
"But that gives us what, fifty years at the outside?" Agent Simmons
interrupted.
"Given the level of damage the Allspark is doing to him, I doubt he'll
last more than two years."
Sam sank to the floor, and rested his head in his hands. He had always
known that his involvement with the Autobots was dangerous, but it had
never quite sunk in like this.
"I'm sorry, kid, that's pretty rough," Agent Simmons said, consoling
the boy as well as he could. "Ok, the kid kicks the bucket, then what
happens?"
Sam began to cry.
"It's hard to say with any certainty, but I think Sam's life force is
the only thing keeping the Allspark contained. When he 'kicks the
bucket' it will have to find another container."
"Can't we just launch him into space or something? Isn't that what you
guys did with the cube in the first place?" Agent Simmons said,
walking over to Sam and putting a hand on his shoulder. "There, there,
kid."
"I'm afraid that would just move the problem, not solve it." Optimus
said.
"Hey, as a resident of this little planet we call Earth, I'd kind of
like it if this problem was somewhere else," Simmons said. "Don't
worry kid, we'll set up a scholarship fund for Amish children in your
name or something. "
"Just do it." Sam said, depressed and resigned.
"Now that's courage and self sacrifice! You make me proud to be an
American, son! Just think about it ... The Sam Witwicky Amish College
Fund!" Agent Simmons beamed, affectionately mussing up Sam's hair.
A spark flew between Sam and Agent Simmons. Simmons grabbed his
crotch. "Oh, that hurt. That was not fun. When are we launching the
kid into space? ... Oh, shit, my cellphone!"
Simmons quickly pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and threw it on
the ground. It began to transform and half a dozen Autobots trained
their cannons on it.
"Don't destroy it!" Ratchet ordered, "I want to study it."
The cellphone began to scurry around on little legs, and then folded
out some machine guns and started firing while running for the exit.
Optimus stepped on it, crushing it.
"Sorry, Ratchet," Optimus said, "you'll have to study another one. I
don't want to risk it escaping. And I don't want to launch Sam into
space, at least, not until we've exhausted all other options."
The little cellphone continued to flail its little legs. Optimus bent
down and tore its little head off.
* * * * * *
Blight sat perched on the roof of the warehouse, peering in through
one of the many holes in the roof, watching and listening. He couldn't
report in without risking the Autobots detecting the transmissions,
and he couldn't move without them seeing the patches of sunlight on
the floor move.
But that was ok, he was patient. He would report back after sun down
from a safer location.
* * * * * *
Sam stood with his arm held out over a hastily built cage. He was
dressed in his boxer shorts.
"Ok, Sam, let's do this one more time, " Ratchet instructed, "when
Agent Simmons throws you the cellphone, hold it for a second, and then
drop it in the cage. Are you ready?"
"Yeah."
Ratchet began scanning, and motioned to Agent Simmons. Agent Simmons
tossed the cellphone, and Sam caught it. As he held it in his hand, he
could feel it beginning to squirm, and then he dropped it into the
cage.
The cellphone sprung to life popped out its legs and popped out its
machine guns. Steeljaw deftly disarmed it with a flash of his claws,
and lept out of the cage.
Ratchet began scanning the cellphone, and the cell phone pounced at
him, and bounced harmlessly off the side of the cage.
"Anything leap out at you," Agent Simmons asked, "other than our
little cellular Mexican bandito there?"
"The energy patterns are definitely Cybertronian, but they're not
quite normal." Ratchet said. "Steeljaw, hold still for a moment."
Ratchet scanned Steeljaw, and pondered for a moment, before projecting
two wave forms through his holographic projector.
"On top is the cell phone, on the bottom is Steeljaw ... You'll see
their core life-force energies are very similar and very different at
the same time."
"Core life-force what?" Sam asked.
"The spark of life. That which makes us more than mere machines,
granted to us by the Allspark, either directly or indirectly. We don't
know much about it, it doesn't quite obey the laws of physics that we
know. But it is what we are. Hang on, let me scan someone else."
Ratchet scanned Optimus Minor, and a third waveform appeared,
underneath Steeljaw's.
"You see how the bottom two have a lot of common points? That's
normal, I could scan every Cybertronian here and get that."
To demonstrate, Ratchet swung his scanner around the room, and more
and more waveforms appeared.
"See, there's a core part of the wave form that is the same for
everyone, except for this guy. It's the same type of energy, as near
as I can tell, but it has a very different wave form." Ratchet
explained.
"What does that mean?" Optimus Prime asked.
"I don't know, Optimus. Either we are seeing a new aspect of the
Allspark, or it has been corrupted ... or this isn't the Allspark at
all. I think this is why all of the Transformers created on Earth have
been violent. They're very similar to us, but they're not us."
"Hmm. The humans were studying the Allspark for many years," Optimus
began, "they might have done something to it."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Galvatron listened intently to the report from Blight. The Autobots
were getting closer to figuring out what was going on, but there was
still time. The larvae were growing quickly now, a new generation of
Decepticons to crush the Autobots. They would be ready soon.
Gustavo Wombat
Scourge's strike was fast, brutal and effective. He had followed the
Autobot for a little over a day, and saw nothing that would merit his
further attentions.
He chopped off the Autobot's limbs, rendering him helpless, and
prepared the tools for the interrogation. He expected the Autobot
would break quickly.
* * * * * * *
Glyph examined the writing on slabs on the road leading up to the
pyramid. "Backtrack, what do you make of this?"
"I dunno. I can't read the Language of the Primes."
"Each stone has a different character on it, but they don't make any
sense together. Some of them are worn away, but even still, there's
not a hint of sense in them. Right hear we have the symbol for
'inevitable victory of chaos', and right next to it is the symbol for
'improved energon flow to the extremities', and then 'the benevolence
of the Allspark'"
"Those are single symbols?"
"Well, yes and no. Some of the characters have flourishes that suggest
they are Old Cybertronian, which used symbols from the Language of the
Primes as letters, but they don't spell anything."
"What are these grooves?"
"The slabs have been here for over a thousand years, someone must have
dragged something across them."
"The grooves aren't all going in the same direction, and not all of
the slabs have them."
"Hmm. You're right. Maybe the slabs were moved? Oh, this is useless,
if they were moved, whatever meaning they had was lost."
"Take your time, check out the pyramid. I keep thinking I see
something moving in the shadow, it's probably nothing, but I want to
check it out."
Backtrack transformed into vehicle mode and zipped off before she
could reply. He liked her well enough, but she was a bit too chatty,
and generally liked being on his own.
He crossed the field towards where he had seen the movement and then
transformed back to robot mode. He olfactory sensors detected monkey
stool, and bird guano.
There were broken branches, and some deep marks in the dirt. Backtrack
examined them, but he knew what he would find -- the footprints of a
1.6 metric ton robot, with a good view of where he and Glyph had been.
It was some form of quadruped, and based on the breakage of the
branches, it had wings. It wasn't human technology, and it hadn't made
contact, so it had to be Decepticon.
They had been followed for the past three days, almost immediately
since they left Metroplex. There were at least two of these robots,
and given how closely they were observing Backtrack and Glyph, they
knew that Backtrack knew. He hadn't told Glyph, there just wasn't any
reason -- they couldn't run, they were going to have to fight.
So far, they hadn't struck. They were either waiting for someone else,
or just doing recon. Or waiting for Glyph to find something worth
taking them for.
Backtrack knew that if he signaled for help, the Decepticons would
attack before help arrived. He left his internal communicator in
receive-only mode, waiting for an Autobot to happen to be nearby.
There were tracks leading away, he followed to a small clearing, but
the tracks vanished. Their tracker had taken flight.
Backtrack transformed back to vehicle mode, and returned to Glyph.
"Find anything?" she asked.
"Monkey poo."
"Same here. I think the slabs used for this road came from somewhere
else. They're shuffled around and useless. I was just about to start
examining the pyramid."
"Well, let's go."
They strolled down the road towards the pyramid. Glyph absentmindedly
pronounced the symbols as they went along. "yeelk-kai-twiajak-ay-
waiya ..."
Glyph turned and read them again. "waiya-ay-twiajak-kai-weelk ... wee-
a-twijik-kai-wee ... WITWICKY."
"Well, that's not monkey poo."
"I was looking for meaning in Old Cybertron or the Language of the
Primes, but it was right there, transliterated with Old Cybertronian.
The words are gibberish, but the sounds are 'Witwicky'. But these
stones have been here for over a thousand years... how can that be?"
"I just wish it told us something we didn't already know."
"Maybe we'll find something new inside the pyramid."
As they approached the pyramid Backtrack saw something at the base,
something that hadn't been there before. Something metal. "Get down,
and approach carefully!"
Glyph dropped to the ground, and Backtrack armed his missile launcher
and sprinted forward to the base of the pyramid. There were a couple
of large rocks nearby that offered some cover. He gestured to Glyph
and she scurried over.
"What is it?" Glyph asked.
"Beachcomber. Or what's left of him." Backtrack pressed a button on
his arm, and started his distress beacon.
Gustavo Wombat
> and sprinted forward to the base of the pyramid. There were a couple
> of large rocks nearby that offered some cover. He gestured to Glyph
> and she scurried over.
>
> "What is it?" Glyph asked.
>
> "Beachcomber. Or what's left of him." Backtrack pressed a button on
> his arm, and started his distress beacon.
A small light indicated that the distress beacon was being blocked.
Backtrack scanned the jungle at the edges of the clearing, looking for
signs of movement.
Glyph looked at him, and then transformed her arm into a cannon. She
wasn't a warrior, but she wasn't going down without a fight. "They
were right here ... What are they waiting for?"
"Spite. They're playing with us."
* * * * * *
Blight and Torment walked silently down the pyramid, keeping the
Autobots in their sights.
Blight tilted his head inquisitively towards Torment, Torment nodded,
and they leapt upon the Autobots.
* * * * * *
Backtrack launched two missiles into Blight, and the Decepticon
squeeled in pain and flopped backwards. Torment sank his claws into
Backtrack's arm, tearing off the outer armor and nearly severing the
hand. Backtrack's weapon clattered and spun as it hit the slabs of
stone.
Glyph fired her cannon at Torment, knocking him off Backtrack, and
then kept firing, pounding Torment with short range blasts.
Backtrack reached for his weapon with his other arm, and fired over
Glyph's shoulder. Bane shrieked and collapsed onto Glyph.
Backtrack staggered forward, put his weapon under Bane's head, and
fired, exploding the Sweep's skull. Blight thrust his claws through
Backtrack's side and pulled up, and Backtrack's arm was torn off.
Glyph pushed the dead Sweep off of her, and raised her weapon.
Backtrack looked at her and shouted "Run!"
Glyph turned, transformed, and raced down the ancient stone road.
Torment rose and shook himself, as if her were shaking off the pain
and the damage. He crouched to leap at Glyph and Backtrack jabbed him
in the side with sparking stub of his remaining arm, pushing under the
blasted and damaged armor plates. Torment shrieked and turned on
Backtrack, slashing him across the chest.
As Backtrack fell to his knees, knowing that his fight was over, he
watched Glyph speeding off. At least he wouldn't die in vain. And then
he saw Scourge flying overhead, firing at Glyph, knocking her off the
road and then descending. The fight did not last long -- Glyph was
disabled and torn limb from limb.
Blight rested upon Backtrack, pinning him down. Torment paced in front
of him, "What do you think is going to happen to your girlfriend?
Nothing good. Nothing good at all."
Scourge walked over, dragging the disabled Glyph behind him. "Torment,
Blight, you pathetic fools. You lost Bane to these two? You are
supposed to be the best of the best, and you cannot even handle two
small Autobots..."
"Scourge," Torment began, "we were surprised. They were tougher than
we expected and they got lucky."
"They got lucky because you got stupid. You failed to disarm the
weaker one, and gave her every chance. And Bane paid the price for
your incompetence."
Scourge reached over to Torment and carved a symbol onto his forehead
with his claw. Torment shrieked, and the symbol glowed for a moment.
"You shall bear the mark of your shame."
Glyph recognized the symbol from the Language of the Primes --
untrusted and unworthy.
Scourge walked over to Blight and extended his claw.
"But, master," Blight whined, "I did nothing wrong, I made no mistake.
Torment failed to back me up."
"And you failed to discipline him."
Scourge burnt another symbol into Blight's forehead. Useless.
Scourge then bent down and faced Glyph. "And what shall we do with
you?"
"I won't tell you anything." She said, trying to be brave.
"You will tell me everything you know. But it won't be anything.
You'll fight and struggle, and you'll suffer and it will all be for
nothing."
Glyph stared at him, defiantly.
"And you," Scourge continued, turning towards Backtrack, "you will
watch, and then die."
Gustavo Wombat
been pretty hard on you, but I have a surprise for you that I think
you'll like."
Sam's butt cheeks clenched. "This isn't like the surprise Ratchet had
for me, is it?"
"No, but in his defense, there are thousands of videos available on
the World Wide Web that suggested you would like that test. But if you
could put on your clothes, and come out..."
Sam put on his clothes -- the wet suit, gloves, flippers, a poncho,
and the pondered the collection of hats that Agent Simmons had given
him. He paused by the bowler, but then picked up the mortar board and
pondered it before deciding on the coon skin cap. He had given up
trying to figure out whether Agent Simmons was trying to be helpful or
just trying to humiliate him, but picking the hats was the last bit of
control he had over his life.
Sam waddled out from his room, towards the center of the warehouse.
The flippers made him walk bow legged, but he was getting better at
it.
As soon as he saw her, he realized that this was another time when
giant alien robots failed to understand humans -- he was a complete
freak, dangerous to be around, severely depressed, and hadn't showered
in days -- the last thing he really wanted was to see his ex-
girlfriend.
"Mikaela!" Sam exclaimed, feigning delight, "I'm so glad you're here!"
"Sam!" Mikaela shouted, and began to run towards him.
"Not so fast, Little Miss Hot Chalupa," Agent Simmons interrupted,
"empty all your pockets, and remove any watches. The kid is still a
bouncey ball of energy."
Mikaela stopped and double checked her pockets, and then continued at
a more reasonable pace.
"Mikaela, you look great."
"Sam, you look ... ridiculous. But good. I'm so glad you're safe, I
was so worried."
She kissed him, but it was an uncomfortable kiss that just served to
remind him of everything he couldn't have.
Ratchet took in the scene and noted. "The boy's pheromone levels
suggest that he wants to mate with the female."
Sam turned towards Ratchet, exhausted, "Ratchet, must you keep saying
that?"
Mikaela looked at Sam. "Has he been saying that a lot lately?"
"No."
"You're really not doing well, are you?"
"No."
"Oh, Sam," Mikaela sympathized, holding him.
Bumblebee walked over and tilted his head. "♪ Boy's gone crazy ...
it's not just a phase ... he's one step over the line ... Boy's gone
crazy ... he's seen his better days ... <tic>he's really gone for good
this time ♫"
"My entire world has fallen apart," Sam said, crying, "I can't touch
anything, I'm dressed like an idiot, my father is about to die and I
can't even see him, and I'm surrounded by giant robots who keep
scanning me and probing me."
"♪ Somewhere in America, there's a street named after my dad.... mmm-
mmm.... and the home we never had. ♫"
Sam looked up at Bumblebee. "Listen, I know you're trying to cheer me
up or something, but could you just stop."
Bumblebee made sad sounds and slinked away a little bit.
"Sam, maybe we should get away from these guys for a bit. Be alone."
"I wouldn't recommend that," Ratchet said, "not in his condition."
"So we can talk! I'm a married woman. Got married six months ago in
Las Vegas."
"♪ Wedding vows in Vegas aren't meant to last for ages, you've got to
be courageous to play the odds that love will win, whatever city you
are in. ♫"
"Ok, let's go."
"I like the hat." Mikaela said, tugging on the raccoon tail.
"See, Sam," Agent Simmons called out, "What did I tell you? Chicks dig
the coonskin!"
* * * * * * *
Sam and Mikaela sat across the street from the warehouse in the shade.
Mikaela had bought a couple of bottles of cheap beer from a taco cart
nearby.
"Sam," Mikaela began, "I know how hard it must be for you right now,
but everything is going to be ok. You've been through worse."
"No I haven't." Sam said. "The Allspark is killing me, and they're
talking about blasting me into space so it doesn't infect everything
on Earth."
"Oh."
"And the Autobots... At first you think they're utterly alien, and
then you get to know them and you realize how much they're like
humans, and then ... they're utterly alien."
"What is up with Bumblebee?"
"I have no idea. None what-so-ever."
A large orange tabby cat stolled over and hopped up next to Mikaela.
She began rubbing it behind the ears and under the chin, and it
nuzzled her and began purring.
"Steeljaw?" Sam asked.
"Mrrrow?" Steeljaw responded.
"Alone meant alone. With no giant robots or talking cats, or ...
or ... stupid hats." Sam took off the coonskin hat. His hair was
thinning, and with the eyepatch and the scars, and the Amish beard he
was quite a sight.
"Optimus wanted someone to keep an eye on you, in case there are any
chihuahuas or something. Someone who can alert at the first sign of
trouble. Just pretend I'm not here, and keep rubbing me under the
chin."
"Sam?" Mikeala asked, continuing the rub Steeljaw under the chin.
"Yeah?"
"I..." Mikaela's voice trailed off and there was a moment of silence.
"Yeah, I don't know what to say either."
There was another moment of silence before Sam spoke again. "Are you
happy with Doctor Whats-his-name?"
"I should be. I want to be. He's a really nice guy..."
"Mik, Mik... don't settle for a really nice guy."
"I just want things to be normal."
"I understand .... But there's normal, and then there's dentist."
Mikaela laughed. "Sam, you're a really good friend."
"No, no, no I'm not," Sam said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. But
then he saw the scars from where the telephone had attacked her and he
stopped. "I'm sorry."
"Sam, it wasn't your fault."
Sam stared at the ground in front of his flippers for a minute. "You
would expect they would get me some normal shoes with rubber soles or
something."
Mikaela took Sam's hand in her own. Steeljaw looked up, annoyed that
she was no longer rubbing him under the chin.
"Sam, you need to get away from here."
"No. They're right, it's too dangerous. I have to be here. It's like
Optimus said, 'Fate rarely calls on us at the time of our choosing.'"
"Or the Witwicky motto, 'No sacrifice, no victory'?"
"Eh... according to my father, the Witwicky motto is really 'Pull my
finger'"
"That really does sound much more like your father."
"Yeah."
"Are you ready to go back inside?"
"Let's just sit here for a bit and not deal with insane robots doing
stupid things." Sam said, batting at Steeljaw's paws.
"Um, Sam?" Steeljaw said, continuing to play, "Bumblebee just doesn't
know what to do with a human in your condition. None of us do. We try
to mimic human behavior, but there's lots we just don't understand."
"Well, my furry little friend, at least you're not making things
worse."
"Me? I've just given up on trying to understand people. Seymour cries
himself to sleep every night, can I do anything about it? Nope. I
figure you're the same way."
"Yeah, pretty much." Sam said, rubbing the tiny Autobot under the
chin.
Steeljaw purred.
-----------------------------------------------
I've arbitrarily decided that Movie Bumblebee should have give or take
the same personality as Animated Bumblebee, but continuing to speak
entirely in song snippets. Today he speaks entirely in snippets from
Was (Not Was). It fits the unfortunate style of "humor" that is sadly
prevalent in the Movieverse.
Gustavo! (regretting that he could not fit in a quote to "Robot
Girl!", "Hello, Dad, I'm In Jail!!", or "Out Come The Freaks")
SteveD
<Gustav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>It fits the unfortunate style of "humor" that is sadly
>prevalent in the Movieverse.
On the plus side, you've managed to retain it without letting it run
around off the leash, foaming and piddling on everything. So you're ahead
of the official scripts already.
-SteveD
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
> > Glyph dropped to the ground, and Backtrack armed his missile launcher
INFINITY-------------------------------
> "And you," Scourge continued, turning towards Backtrack, "you will
> watch, and then die."
This entire section makes me extremely happy. I should post more
often, it's not fair having you do all the work.
Gustavo Wombat
writhed and squirmed all over him. He had never been so happy. They
were beautiful and he was a part of them, and they loved him as he
deserved to be loved -- unconditionally.
Galvatron had already taken a handful, evolved them unnaturally, and
sent them towards Earth, but the vast majority of the brood was pure
and untainted.
Already, many of them were in their chrysalis stage, pupae
transforming internally and becoming imago Decepticons. The first few
would be breaking from their cocoons within the next few days.
Starscream could hardly wait.
He had been impatient with Galvatron, but now, nothing could tear him
away.
Cyclonus entered the nursery, and stepped carefully over several
larvae until he was close enough to Starscream that he felt
comfortable speaking to him. "You coddle them. Warriors should not be
coddled."
"And you would make them fight in their larval stage?" Starscream
asked.
"We want strong warriors, not scientists and politicians."
"Unless we can recover the Allspark, this will be the last generation
of Transformers. We will need warriors and scientists, and perhaps
even a few politicians."
Cyclonus crouched down, and reached out for a larvae. The larvae
turned and bit his hand, sinking its fangs into Cyconlus's armor.
"This one I like. I shall call him Bitey."
Cyclonus extended a claw and very gently carved a symbol into Bitey.
The larvae shrieked and squirmed, but Cyclonus held him firmly and
finished the marking.
Starscream recognized it as the old Cybertronian symbol of Kraichell,
the first letter of "Strength" and "Hardness" -- for a warrior like
Cyclonus, this was as close to sentimentality as it got.
Cyclonus looked at Starscream, playing with the larvae. "We shall have
the Allspark soon."
"And a Prime? Without a Prime to incubate the Allspark energy, the
results will be unpredictable."
"Mighty Galvatron was rebuilt with parts of the Fallen. In death, the
Fallen has fulfilled his promise to make him a Prime." Cyclonus looked
down at Bitey and smiled as it shifted from trying to suckle his
finger to trying to bite it off.
"Feisty little one, isn't he?" Starscream said, filling with pride.
"Galvatron needs to know when the first wave of his army will be
ready."
"Within a week, a full brigade will be ready."
"Will they be warriors? Will they be trained?"
"They will have all the skills and knowledge of the Fallen and
myself."
"I suppose that will have to do."
Cyclonus turned and left, pausing briefly to gaze upon Bitey.
* * * * * * *
Mikaela looked up at Optimus Prime. "That's all he said -- we're all
doomed"
"Are you sure he wasn't trying to trick you?" Optimus asked.
"He seemed almost broken, and scared. He even stopped screaming."
"That doesn't sound like Barricade." Optimus Prime was troubled.
"And then he left, saying he was going to run over a deer or
something."
"That does sound like Barricade. We need to find him, and find out
what he knows."
"Prime," Optimus Minor said, "if we take Barricade at his word, we
might be able to find him by monitoring reports of road kill."
"That's an excellent idea, Minor, and when you have some idea where he
might be, I want you to take Sideswipe and Big Daddy and try to make
contact. Whatever Barricade has found, it has to be connected to what
the Allspark is doing."
* * * * * * *
Barricade barreled down the highway until he saw a field with some
cows off to the right. They were large and placid and utterly trusting
-- they were hardly a challenge, but they would do.
Still, he spun at 70mph, and raced up the dirt road towards the farm,
smashed through the fence and chased some dairy cows around a small
field, before finally deciding on a nice spotted one.
He accelerated and bounced a bit on the uneven field. The cow turned
and fled.
He held steady with the cow for a bit, matching her speed and keeping
her running wildly, twisting and turning and racing across the field.
Finally, he could wait no more, and he thrust himself into the cow.
His front end crumpled and and the cow rolled across his hood and
smashed his windshield with a splattering of bodily fluids.
Barricade sat there for a moment, savoring his conquest, and then
pulled backwards, out from under the dead cow, picked another cow and
started again.
He had to pause several times, and push out the dents and damage from
repeatedly striking the cows, but before long, he sat alone in a field
with a herd of dead cows all around him.
He felt empty inside.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, look, exposition attempting to bridge the Allspark and the Larvae!
And a very tender paternalistic side to Starscream and Cyclonus. And
Barricade assaulting cows, because running over a half ton farm animal
is simultaneously bad ass and pathetic (presumably, a movie version
could involve some explosions).
SteveD
<Gustav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Already, many of them were in their chrysalis stage, pupae
>transforming internally and becoming imago Decepticons.
Huh. I learned a new word today.
Which reminds me, I should go find some Lois McMaster Bujold books.
-SteveD
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
later. It's in the process, but I have to go visit at my mother-in-
law's this afternoon, so I'll finish writing it when I get back. Stay
loose.
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
Sorry I was late. I'm not very good at action sequences, so it drags a
bit. But hopefully it will take care of a couple of hanging threads.
******
/Below the thunders of the upper deep,/
/Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,/
/His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep/
/The Kraken sleepeth:.../
******
METROPLEX rolled across the depths of the Pacific, picking across the
uneven terrain, floating where he could not roll, keeping his
electromagnetic profile at a minimum to avoid the attentions of the
more troublesome denizens of the Terran oceans. Metroplex was ferrying
the remaining Autobot forces to an overwatch position, from where
they'd be able to lend support to their friends now in Mexico, as well
as their allies (or what remained of them) in the US. Wary as he was,
Metroplex was fascinated by the richness of the undersea environs, the
varied life that reached from the microscopic to creatures larger than
him. Sights passed that had never been seen by living men, but had
swum nightly through the imaginations of poets. But even in his
vigilance, Metroplex never saw the tentacles that carefully wound
their way toward him.
******
A sudden jarring, and all hell broke loose.
"ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!"
The alarms rang out all over the Autobot base, shaking Blaster out of
his reverie.
"Metroplex! What new emergency's breakin'?"
Instead of replying, Metroplex displayed a readout of the current
situation. Metroplex appeared to have snagged on some undersea
obstruction, that appeared to be connected to a much larger blob on
the ocean floor. It did not appear to be organic, and Metroplex was
stuck fast.
******
Metroplex risked a quick burst with his active sensors, equivalent to
a near-sighted man squinting to look at a distant object. The depths
made it difficult to sense anything further than a few short distance,
currents and impurities fouling up even the most reliable of sensors.
Metroplex had long since begun to ignore input from cameras that were
limited to visual frequencies. Through the complex suites we might
simplify as "touch", he could feel that he was well and truly caught.
He strained his servos, attempting to break free, but the bonds
holding him only tightened, and began drawing him towards a deeper
trench in the ocean floor.
******
/... faintest sunlights flee/
/About his shadowy sides: above him swell/
/Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;/
******
A small truck cab skidded through Metroplex's corridors, making for
the main control room, attempting to keep its balance through the
shuddering and jarring impacts as Metroplex strained to fight whatever
it was that had grabbed him. It transformed just before it could crash
into the doors, the robot grabbing the sides of the door that had
opened automatically before him.
"Blaster! What's going on? Metroplex has stopped responding, and my
collection of nose-hair trimmers is everywhere."
Blaster pointed at the screen while beckoning Pipes to a secondary
console's chair. "It ain't just you, the whole fortress's shakin'!
Grab a chair and strap yourself in!"
******
Metroplex felt the first stirrings of despair. Oversized, and
inefficient, he'd always been sidelined during most of the conflicts
against the Decepticons, brought out only when absolutely necessary.
And now he was failing. He was failing his comrades, failing all who'd
depended on him...
No, he could not let it end this way. It would not end this way. He
asked the question.
******
Blaster had never been big on regulations, or orders that he felt were
arbitrary. But regulations regarding Metroplex were anything but
arbitrary. Metroplex was the Autobots' last line of defence, their
last bastion, their main transport. He used fuel in stupendous
amounts, in a time when fuel and spare parts were perpetually in short
supply. But the years on Earth had been good, and siphoning fuel from
the planet's sun and even the motion of the currents in the ocean made
these reasons spurious at best, especially when the choice seemed to
be between survival and almost certain death.
There was no hesitation in Blaster's voice as he spoke aloud, while
simultaneously tapping out commands on Metroplex's primary console to
facilitate the process as much as he could, "Metroplex. Go to full
transform!"
******
Metroplex transformed.
It is a simple statement, but it lacks the same impact as merely
saying "I dropped the thermonuclear warhead and it exploded." The
complexity of a 700-foot robot transforming from a mobile fortress the
size of a city (or an American mall) beggars description. Legs like
skyscrapers folded out and touched down on the ocean floor. Hands that
were perhaps larger than regular Transformers grabbed at the tentacles
that rapidly attempted to regain their hold on the changed form. A
head, like the face of an angry god, appeared from within the chest,
glaring into the darkness as though he could pierce the depths with
his sight alone.
Metroplex took hold of the tentacles tying him to his unseen adversary
and pulled, like Thor drawing the Midgard Serpent to Hymir's boat.
Caught off-guard, the enemy is finally pulled into sight.
******
/And far away into the sickly light,/
/From many a wondrous grot and secret cell/
/Unnumbered and enormous polypi/
/Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green./
******
The Tryptic Battlestation, also known as Trypticon once it achieved
sapience, was built (as with all of Megatron's projects) on a large
scale. Though not quite as large as Metroplex who had been built in
the golden age of Cybertron, Trypticon was built to be a match for
Metroplex, unhampered by any need other than to be a hunter, able to
carry only a crew complement enough to maintain it efficiently. It was
sleek where Metroplex was bulky, agile where Metroplex was cumbersome.
In its creature mode, a cephlopod of massive size and with a profusion
of tentacles, Trypticon seemed to have all the advantages.
******
Metroplex drew out his ion-pulse rifles, and shot at the now revealed
Transformer, that jetted away, releasing its hold on the Autobot.
Trypticon switched directions even as it swam, grabbing at the legs of
Metroplex, trying to trip up the larger robot. Metroplex swung out a
massive hand, striking at Trypticon, throwing away the creature, but
unable to do any real damage...
******
The battle raged back and forth, Trypticon darting in and out,
attempting to nullify the effects of Metroplex's impressive ranged
weapons. At times it would lash out with its primary laser, scoring
marks across Metroplex's armour, but more often would attempt to swarm
the 'bot, either trying to disable him, or crush those weapons that it
could reach. There were a lot of them, but Trypticon had ever been
patient.
Metroplex for his part lashed out as he could, the ground about him
illuminated for the first time in millenia. He attempted to use his
lasers and rifles as much as he could, trying to minize the damage he
dealt to the undersea creatures that cautiously circled the
combatants, perhaps attracted by the strange radiations that the two
now gave off. But Metroplex was tiring, and could not keep this up
forever.
******
"Quadrant six has sprung a leak, Blaster! And I hope you weren't too
attached to the missile launchers in the legs, because they aren't too
attached to us anymore," Pipes complained, adding his voice to the
damage reports coming in.
"Tell me something I don't know! Metroplex is takin' a pounding, and
unless we come around, we'll be heading down to the great scrapyard in
the sky."
Pipes pulled the maps of the surrounding area.
"Blaster, we can't hit the guy while he's swimming circles around us.
Maybe if we can get Metroplex to the closest atoll around here, we can
even things up."
Blaster stole a glance at the coordinates Pipes sent to his console,
and started typing in orders for Metroplex. "You hear that big buddy?
We got ourselves a plan!"
******
Metroplex retreated slowly away from the darting Decepticon, fighting
for every step, never once turning his back to his enemy. Trypticon
attempted to herd the 'bot to wherever the terrain was roughest, but
was unable to close the distance Metroplex had opened between them by
his sudden motion away. Metroplex finally fought his way to the atoll,
giving himself a bit of room with a concentrated barrage, before
levering himself on the rocky beach.
Metroplex reveled in the feel of the Sun, and marvelled at the blue
sky, and allowed himself to relax the tiniest bit after his long
struggle. And then he stood straight, and waited for Trypticon to
either slink away, or face him where the odds would be more even.
He did not have long to wait. A clanking noise, the sea boiled and
bubbled, and from the depths rose Trypticon, now in a decidedly
reptilion mode. With a roar, the Decepticon charged the Autobot giant,
crashing into him, firing his lasers at point blank range.
But Metroplex had been half-expecting this, and tearing away
Trypticons enormous claws from his shoulders, fired fully into the
monster's face with the disruptor rays on his shoulders. Pushing him
away, freed from any restraints he may have had in the rich
environment of the ocean, Metroplex let loose with both of his anti-
matter projectors.
Trypticon was now dazed, wounded and confused. It attempted to crawl
back to the ocean, but Metroplex was not going to allow that quite so
easily. He grabbed the Decepticon by his tail, hefted him over his
shoulder, and swung him away into the ocean, ensuring that the city-
former would think twice before attacking Metroplex again.
******
/There hath he lain for ages and will lie/
/Battening upon huge sea-worms in his sleep,/
/Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;/
/Then once by man and angels to be seen,/
/In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die./
******
As Trypticon once again shifted into his ocean-creature mode and swam
away in a jet of black ink, covering his retreat, Metroplex finally
allowed himself to relax. It was his greatest triumph. He could hear
the sounds of celebrations from within his city-banks, and let himself
bask in the glow the adulations being heaped upon him. He had finally
proven his worth to his comrades, and more importantly to himself. He
had finally-
A blast of pure sonic energy knocks Metroplex away and into the ocean.
Wounded, unconscious, defeated, but yet unbroken, Metroplex sinks to
the ocean-floor, the screams of the Autobots still within him going
unheard.
******
It had been a risk, Soundwave thought, as he returned to his position
far above the planet, but it had ultimately been necessary. Trypticon
would not be in any position to fight any time soon, but now, neither
would Metroplex. The Autobot titan had to be eliminated, at least
stalled, until such time that Galvatron could act.
Optimus Prime would never know what hit him.
Gustavo Wombat
Metroplex was now known, as well as the location of Optimus Prime and
Sam Witwicky -- all of the primary targets were located, and still
Galvatron had done nothing. Soundwave understood that the next wave of
Decepticons would be ready in several days, but he was troubled that
none of the Decepticons on Earth were being moved into position, other
than Scourge and the Sweeps.
Soundwave did not like Scourge, or the Sweeps. They were Galvatron's
new favorites -- they were a threat to his own position -- and he knew
nothing about them.
Laserbeak had returned to him not long before, carrying information
about Barricade's actions -- strange information that might prove
useful, should Barricade ever get out of line. Soundwave erased the
information from Laserbeak, and gave the tiny Decepticon a new
mission: follow Scourge, and report back directly, with no
broadcasting.
* * * * *
"I hate patrol duty," Gears complained, as he and Armorhide drove
through Tijuana. "Nothing ever happens. And if something does happen,
you're outnumbered and get your face torn off by some Decepticon."
"I don't like sitting around here," Armorhide complained back. "We
should be taking the fight to the Decepticons, not just sitting in one
spot waiting for something to happen."
"Do you think they can repair Witwicky?"
"There are lots of barren worlds where he can't do any harm. We should
just take him to one of those, put him out of his misery, and see what
happens."
"This place smells bad. That must be why we never see any Decepticons
around here, they have some common sense."
* * * * * * * *
Sideswipe, Optimus Minor and Big Daddy crossed the border into the
United States, and began heading towards Tennessee. There were reports
of cattle mutilations and animal removal crews were putting in
unexpected amounts of overtime.
"I'm not sure what I'm more surprised by," Optimus Minor began, "Big
Daddy getting through the border with his holographic driver and
holographic passport, or us getting through with a fake passport for a
cybernetic monkey in a pickelhaube."
"Agent Simmons had made a few calls," Sideswipe replied, "I assume he
set things up for us. Besides, we have diplomatic plates."
"Diplomatic plates from the Democratic People's Republic of Cybernetic
Monkeys?"
"When you put it that way, it does seem odd. Big Daddy, what do you
think?"
There was a bit of silence and static over the radio as Big Daddy
pondered this for a moment. "I don't know, Daddy-O, people do what
they want, you dig? Maybe they were impressed by the helmet."
Optimus Minor frowned. "According to my research, this helmet has not
been in significant use since the humans' first great war, and even
then, not on this continent."
"Why do you have the helmet anyway?" Sideswipe asked.
"Sam gave it to me, as a momento of our time together."
"Did you spend much time together?"
"No. I think he was just trying to get rid of it, but I kind of like
it."
There was a brief burst of static over the radio, and then a very
familiar voice. "Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the United States of
America!"
"Agent Simmons?" Optimus Minor asked.
"You got it, but not the one you're used to. Agent Simon Simmons, of
Sector Six, Seymour's older brother, at your service. And when I say
at your service, what I really mean is that you are at my service, per
our agreement to get you through the border."
"Our agreement?" Optimus Minor asked, confused.
"Surely Seymour mentioned it. Well, it's nothing, just a minor
nuisance. In fact, you'll probably enjoy it."
Optimus Minor gritted his teeth. "We don't really have the time for
this."
"It's on the way, it will hardly take a moment."
Optimus Minor sighed. This was his command, and he didn't want to get
sidetracked, but he knew they had to rebuild relationships with the
humans. "We've got to get to Tennessee right now, maybe we can take
care of it on the way back?"
"You're taking I-8? If you could just take a little detour, there is a
Decepticon in the Anza-Borrego State Park, a little south of Borrego
Springs."
"One Decepticon?"
"Yup. We've been tracking him by Satellite."
Optimus Minor quickly recalculated their route. Truth be told, he was
bored, and looking for some action. "Ok, we're happy to help.
Sideswipe, Big Daddy, let's increase speed so we don't lose too much
time."
"Agreed," Sideswipe said, pushing his speed up to 80mph.
"Oh, Daddy-O, how will the humans admire my detailing at this
speed? ... Oh, fine, let's agitate the gravel."
* * * * * * *
Breakdown and Dead End sat in the baking sun at the foot of the
mountains.
"Do you think we can trust the human? He seemed kind of shady. He
might be trying to set us up." Breakdown said.
"Oh." Dead End replied, acknowledging Breakdown, but expressing
nothing that Breakdown could respond to. It was a technique that he
had found fairly effective at stopping conversations.
"He said he was having problems with some Autobots, but the Autobots
don't usually cause problems for humans. It just seems suspicious."
"Oh."
"I mean, the information he is promising us about Teledyne's new
energy system could be good, but it seems almost too good. And where
did he get that information in the first place? And how did he know
how to contact us?"
"Oh."
"But, the information he did give us has the same energy signature as
the Allspark. If we can find out where Teledyne is getting their
materials, we might have a lead on where it is now."
"Oh."
"Maybe the smart thing to do would just be to drive away and pretend
none of this ever happened. We could just fade into the background and
no one would ever notice us."
"Oh."
"But if Galvatron ever found out that we had the opportunity and then
didn't act, then he would come after us. And where would we be then?
Hunted. I hate this. I wish the human had never contacted us."
"Oh," Dead End said, beginning to question the effectiveness of his
conversation killing techniques, "I suppose there is always the chance
that this is a trap, and that Galvatron will punish us for falling
into it. And if we succeed, he might just punish us for not reporting
in. And if we report in, he'll punish us for not reporting in
earlier."
"I hadn't thought of that," Breakdown said, "whatever we do, Galvatron
might just punish us."
They sat in silence for a short period. Blessed silence.
"Here they come," Dead End said.
* * * * * *
Sideswipe and Big Daddy raced along Route 78 as fast as they could,
but the road twisted and turned through the mountain passes so they
often had to slow. As they turned around a corner, a barrage of
missiles struck all around them, knocking Big Daddy and Sideswipe off
the road.
Optimus Minor leapt from Sideswipe as Sideswipe transformed. Big Daddy
tumbled for a bit before he regained control, and transformed.
"Everyone ok?" Minor asked.
"My armor is a bit singed, but I'm ok," Sideswipe responded.
"Oh, Clyde, those cubes got me frosted." Big Daddy called out.
"Cubes? Plural?"
"Yeah, Clyde, my peepers saw two of them."
Optimus Minor frowned. "Agent Simmon's information was bad."
Another volley of missiles landed nearby, blasting scrubby trees and
cacti.
"Big Daddy, get behind some cover and start bombarding their position.
Sideswipe, get into position to rush them. I'm going to sneak around
behind them and hit them with a couple of grenades."
"Grenades?"
"Yes," Minor said, teeth clenched, "grenades." Optimus Minor then
crouched down and scurried across the road as soon as Big Daddy's
first barrage of missiles struck near the Decepticons.
Small and nimble, Optimus Minor was able to hide behind rocks and
cacti and keep his position covered until he got close. He could see
the two Decepticons, one launching missiles, the other beginning to
get in position for a more direct attack.
Minor squatted, grunted, and produced a grenade. He waited a moment,
and then flung the grenade at the forward Decepticon.
It was a strong, powerful grenade, and it knocked Dead End for a loop.
Sideswipe raced forward, transformed into robot mode, and sank his
swords into the Decepticon's chest.
Minor grunted out another grenade, and flung it near Breakdown. The
little Decepticon transformed into vehicle mode and sped away before
the grenade exploded.
"Big Daddy!" Minor shouted.
Big Daddy accelerated like mad, pursuing Breakdown, firing missiles at
the fleeing Decepticon. Breakdown had better acceleration, but Big
Daddy had power and speed and two enormous missile launchers. The
outcome wasn't in doubt, but Big Daddy had to work for it, losing
speed in the corners and gaining it in the straightaways. He finally
got into range to fire accurately, hit Breakdown, and then drove
through his flaming body, destroying him.
Sideswipe looked at Optimus Minor, after killing Dead End. "You fling
poo."
"It may not be dignified, but it works."
"I think they were waiting for us. They were tipped off."
"Agreed. Either a communications leak, or this Agent Simmons is
playing us."
* * * * * * * *
Laserbeak perched in a large tree at the edge of the jungle, watching
Scourge, Torment and Blight systematically burn symbols off the
pyramid. Laserbeak didn't understand what they were doing, but
understanding wasn't his job, simply recording.
Laserbeak opened his beak, and vomited up a small amount of Microbots.
There was too much going on at the pyramid to not investigate up
close, and Laserbeak was far too large to sneak past Scourge and the
Sweeps.
Microbots tumbled between blades of grass, and slowly made their way
to the pyramid, avoiding open areas as much as possible.
From the vantage point of the Microbots, the entrance to the pyramid
looked enormous, but it was really only large enough that human could
fit through. The walls were covered in glyphs of Ancient Cybertronian,
which the Microbots could not read -- but they recorded all of it.
The Microbots kept to the cracks between the bricks on the floor,
rising up every few inches to scan the area from a new perspective,
capturing the data needed to create a 3D projection of the hallway.
At the end of the hallway was a small room, which had been picked
clean of any contents of value over the centuries. Again, mixed with
the Aztec hieroglyphics were symbols of Ancient Cybertronian.
The Microbots split up and raced around the edges of the room, looking
for cracks and crevices, testing them, and then they squeezed through
a tiny crack between two bricks, travelled through a bit, and then
emerged in a hidden chamber.
There was a stone cube, covered in symbols of Ancient Cybertronian, a
replica of the Allspark. On the walls were reliefs of Aztec gods:
Quetzalcoatl, the god of creation; Huitzilopochtli, the god of war;
Tecciztecatl, the old moon god who hid from the sun; Nanahuatzin, the
sun god; and most prominently of all, Xipe Totec, the god of rebirth
who dressed in the flayed skin of the natives. Carved into the cube
was a crude map of the Americas, with a mark in where Hoover Dam would
be built years.
The Microbots scanned and took all of this in, and then continued
searching and testing the cracks and crevices.
The pyramid shook, and the Microbots panicked, scurrying in all
directions. The pyramid shook again and began to collapse upon them.
Outside the pyramid, Scourge and his Sweeps blasted it with missiles,
collapsing it.
Laserbeak continued to record, confident that his Microbots would find
a way out of the rubble.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xipe Totec really is cool, in a "What the hell was wrong with the
Aztecs?" sort of way. They took what should be a perfectly nice spring
planting god, and made it into an absolute horror.
Gustavo Wombat
behind in Nashville, in case Barricade was hanging around there, and
continued on towards the reports of farms filled with animals that had
been run over. It was very, very strange, but it was their best lead.
"Who runs over a herd of cows?" Sideswipe asked, "where's the sport in
that?"
Optimus Minor frowned. "There are humans who hunt birds by having them
released five feet in front of them, and then shooting them out of the
air. Where is the sport in that?"
Sideswipe shivered in response, and the car shook as it zipped down
the highway.
Minor fiddled with the radio, and checked the police bands. Various
petty crimes and emergencies, but nothing like what they were looking
for.
"Do you think it's really Barricade?" Sideswipe asked.
"He's was reported to be in the area, and he did say he was going to
run over some deer or something. Take the next exit, there were
reports of mutilations outside of Millertown."
* * * * * * * *
Sideswipe pulled up near the farm. There was police tape blocking the
front gate, and a couple of officers near the front gate, chatting.
They looked at Sideswipe, and Sideswipe kept going. Optimus Minor
hopped out the passenger door, and rolled along the shoulder of the
road.
It was disk, so he could move about pretty easily, so long as he
didn't do anything to draw attention to himself.
Sideswipe continued on, then cut his lights and pulled over to the
side. "Hey, Minor, can you patch me in to your optics?"
"Sure thing." Optimus Minor said, tapping a few buttons on his arm.
Optimus Minor crossed the road on all fours, staying low to the
ground, and then approached the cows from the opposite side of the
fence, leaping over when he got close.
"Hmm." He frowned.
"What is it?"
"Tire tracks. A wheelbase of about 107" and a width of about 62".
Consistent with Barricade's preferred alt-mode."
Optimus Minor continued forward, until the stench of the dead cow in
front of him was almost too much for his olfactory sensors. "Do you
want the smells too?"
"I'll pass, thank you."
"Whatever hit this cow did so with a lot more force than a human
vehicle is capable of, but the indentations on the cow are also
consistent with a modified Ford Mustang."
"So it was him?"
"That's a fair guess. There's also no car parts lying around. A car
that hit a cow wouldn't come away unscathed."
Optimus Minor scurried around, and began to put together a map of
Barricade's movements, where he accelerated, where he struck a cow,
and where he sat for 20 minutes looking at what he had done.
"Minor, are you almost done? I'm getting sick of looking at dead
cows."
"Yeah, pretty soon. Turn off the optic feed if you're getting that
sick."
Minor stuck his finger into a cow's wounds, measuring temperature and
checking for chemicals, and then sat around examining the results, and
trying to put himself into Barricade's frame of mind when he did this.
A pistol rang out, and a bullet struck the cow closest to him. Optimus
Minor could hear the police officers talking.
"I thought I saw a coyote."
"Did you get him?"
"Doubt it, but I bet I scared him pretty good."
Minor pondered this for a moment. Were the men trying to protect the
cows' bodies from desecration, or did they just want to shoot a coyote
-- he couldn't tell.
* * * * * * *
Minor made his way back to Sideswipe, and the latter opened a door for
him.
"Ok, so what's the plan, boss monkey?"
"We know that he was here, but that doesn't mean he is still anywhere
nearby. I say we drive around looking suspicious and see if he makes
contact with us. And we contact Agent Simmons and see if Sector 6 has
and satellite images."
"I'm not a big fan of Sector 6 right now."
"Neither am I, but you gotta do what you gotta do."
* * * * * * * *
An hour later, they were driving down a road suggested by Sector 6.
They had satellite imagery of a dirty Ford Mustang Police Cruiser
driving erratically and on the wrong side of the road. It was dark,
and they couldn't see anything.
From the side of the road, a car charged forward, slamming into
Sideswipe and pushing in his driver's door.
Optimus Minor leapt out, and Sideswipe transformed and swung his
swords into a defensive position.
Barricade unfolded to his humanoid mode, and snapped his claws
menacingly at Sideswipe, and then looked at Optimus Minor. "WHAT ARE
YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?"
Optimus Minor shrugged, a little chagrined. "Well, we were trying for
human, bit it didn't turn out well."
"TRYING FOR HUMAN! RWA-HA-HA-HA! DIDN'T TURN OUT WELL! HA-HA-HA! WHAT
WERE YOU EXPECTING? HEH. FOR THAT, I'LL LET YOU LIVE."
"You're making a habit of that. You let the human Mikaela live. And a
police officer."
"IT WASN'T MERCY. DON'T GO THINKING I'M GETTING SOFT, CAUSE I'M NOT! I
LET HOIST LIVE TOO."
"Where is Hoist?" Optimus Minor asked Sideswipe. Sideswipe shrugged.
Optimus Minor turned back to Barricade. "Is that why you killed the
cows? Was that mercy?"
Barricade stepped forward, and reached for Optimus Minor with a claw,
stopping right in front of the little Autobot. "ONLY MERCY I KNOW.
ALSO, IT WAS FUN."
Optimus Minor tried to fit this all together. "What's happening here?"
"WHAT'S HAPPENING!" Barricade screamed, dumbfounded. "EVERYTHING!
EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING HERE! FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END, IT ALL
HAPPENS HERE!"
"Could you be more specific, and a bit less dramatic?" Minor asked.
Barricade raised his arm to strike the Autobot, and Sideswipe stepped
forward slightly.
"ASK YOURSELF THIS -- WHO WAS THE FALLEN BEFORE HE FELL? WHY DID HE
FALL? AND WHY DID HE FALL ON THIS LITTLE DIRT BALL OF A PLANET?"
"Do you know?" Minor asked.
"IF YOU KNEW, YOU WOULD KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! OR AT LEAST STAND
BY AND LET THEM DIE!"
Minor was very confused. "Was it ... the ... cows?"
"DON'T BE STUPID, YOU DAFT LITTLE ROBOT!" Barricade screamed, "I'D
KILL YOU NOW, BUT YOU DESERVE WHAT IS COMING!"
Barricade stomped away, transformed back to car mode, and raced off.
Sideswipe looked at Optimus Minor. "I don't think it was the cows."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In the nursery, Starscream watched with pride as the first of his
children emerged from their cocoons. He checked each one carefully,
making sure it had at least the minimum number of arms.
On the head of one, he saw the mark of the Primes. He reached over
with his claw and carved around the mark, adding lines and circles.
The mark of the Primes was now transformed into something less
important and meaningful. He did not know how Galvatron would react to
another prime, and saw no reason to find out.
Starscream looked into the young Prime's optics and asked, "Who are
you, my esteemed little friend?"
"Pyro." The fresh Decepticon said.
Starscream looked at the mark on his head, which now read "Crippling
Ennui". It made no sense and was utterly distracting. Starscream did
what he had to do, and began marking the heads of all the other young
Decepticons with equally meaningless glyphs. Someone would think he
was crazy, yes, but they would not look twice at "Crippling Ennui"
next to "Powered by Boots" and "Distilled Water."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barricade can be really hard to write. He knows what's going on, he is
the harbinger of doom, he's terrified, and angry, and has no patience
with anyone who doesn't understand. He could just sit down and explain
everything, but instead his gives out snippets of information here and
there. He also is not at all sarcastic, which is why his scene does
not end like this:
>>>>>>>>>>
Minor was very confused. "Was it ... the ... cows?"
"YES!" Barricade screamed, "IT WAS THE COWS! WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE,
YOU DAFT LITTLE ROBOT? NOW, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, THE COWS AREN'T
GOING TO RUN THEMSELVES OVER!"
Barricade stomped away, transformed back to car mode, and raced off.
Sideswipe looked at Optimus Minor. "I don't think it was really the
cows."
>>>>>>>>>>
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Barricade can be really hard to write. He knows what's going on, he is
> the harbinger of doom, he's terrified, and angry, and has no patience
> with anyone who doesn't understand. He could just sit down and explain
> everything, but instead his gives out snippets of information here and
> there. He also is not at all sarcastic, which is why his scene does
> not end like this:
>
>
>
> Minor was very confused. "Was it ... the ... cows?"
>
> "YES!" Barricade screamed, "IT WAS THE COWS! WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE,
> YOU DAFT LITTLE ROBOT? NOW, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME, THE COWS AREN'T
> GOING TO RUN THEMSELVES OVER!"
>
> Barricade stomped away, transformed back to car mode, and raced off.
>
> Sideswipe looked at Optimus Minor. "I don't think it was really the
> cows."
>
>
That was great, that really was. I just liked Barricade for his
awesome alt-mode and his interrogation of the Witwicky boy, but this
was just awesome.
Now to try and figure out what the hell should happen next, and wrap
the story up. Or should we just convert this into a Movieverse TV
series?
Gustavo Wombat
wrote:
Wrap it up? But I haven't even begun to explore the significance of
the phrase "pull my finger" in the Movieverse...
Actually, I have some tentative plans for wrapping up some of the
storylines, but my internet will be spotty for the next few days as I
move, so we'll have to see if the plans survive pondering for a few
days, or if someone else wraps it up in the meantime.
> Or should we just convert this into a Movieverse TV
> series?
Oh, I think not. My hatred of Movie Bumblebee knows almost no bounds
now, but he's too important a character to kill off.
Gustavo!
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
But that'll give the movie more of an impact! We might even get an
Oscar.
*SPOILER* Matrix killed off Neo /and/ Trinity. *SPOILER*
*SPOILER* X-Men: The Last Stand killed off Cyclops and Jean. *SPOILER*
Okay, both of those trilogies were crap. Ah, but...
*SPOILER* Star Wars killed off Darth Vader. No, he was the bad guy.
Um, they killed off Boba? No, he was only a major character in EU.
They froze Han Solo? No, he came back too. Oh! I've got it! They
totally killed the hell out of Luke's hand! *SPOILER*
If the story asks for Bumblebee to die, kill him.
Uh, so which way are we headed now? I can't speak for Zob, but I'd
really like to get more involved (without screwing up the Master Plan).
SteveD
<Gustav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Someone would think he
>was crazy, yes, but they would not look twice at "Crippling Ennui"
>next to "Powered by Boots" and "Distilled Water."
Now I'm going to go nuts trying to figure out if that's a reference to
something or just genuine randomness.
-SteveD
Zobovor
wrote:
> Uh, so which way are we headed now? I can't speak for Zob, but I'd
> really like to get more involved (without screwing up the Master Plan).
I feel so horribly guilty for not participating more. In my defense,
though, my wife is recovering from foot surgery so this week I'm
spending most of my time taking care of her and the baby. Things may
or may not go back to normal next week (or whatever passes for normal
around here).
Zob
Gustavo Wombat
living them he knew that he would remember until he died: his first
kiss, the first time he made love to girl, the birth of his son, when
he was diagnosed with cancer, and when his planet was attacked by
waves and waves of giant robots.
The TV was on, and the soap opera he was watching was interrupted with
a special bulletin. A bleach blond bobble head was reading vacantly
from a teleprompter: "Good morning, this is Kathy McCarthy, with a
breaking MSNBC Bulletin, brought to you by GE. GE, we bring *good*
things to life.
"In an instance of life imitating art, waves of robots are destroying
cities across the planet. New York, Los Angeles, Moscow, London,
Paris, Beijing and Tokyo have been reduced to ash, and millions are
assumed dead.
"This follows a night of meteor showers unlike anything that
astronomers had seen before, with tens of thousands of meteor strikes
across the globe.
"Most people will remember three years ago, when giant robots
destroyed a pyramid in Egypt, and it was quickly revealed to be a
special effects extravaganza gone wrong, a part of Academy Award
Winning Director Michael Bay's next movie project starring California
Governor Arnold Shwarzenegger, Former Minnesota Governor Jess Ventura
and former California Governor Jerry Brown -- a live action film of
beloved children's cartoon 'My Little Pony'.
"We reached Mr. Bay by telephone earlier this morning, in an exclusive
MSNBC interview."
Michael Bay's picture appeared on the screen.
BAY: Help! Help! I'm on fire!
McCARTHY: Well, Mr. Bay, no one will ever accuse you of overwhelming
modesty, but yes, you are on fire. After the amazing critical and
financial success of "Pearl Harbor II: Hiroshima", your career is on
fire and you can do anything.
BAY: Auuuughhh!
McCARTHY: Now, Mr. Bay, as you may be aware, many of Earth's cities
are being destroyed by giant robots, in a development disturbingly
similar to the accident in Egypt during the filming of 'My Little
Pony: Revenge of the Filly'
BAY: What? Please, please help me! I'm too famous to burn to death!
McCARTHY: Mr. Bay, forgive me for my bluntness, but here at MSNBC we
ask the hard questions that others are afraid to ask -- Are you and
your crew responsible for this destruction?
BAY: No! No! No! We weren't even responsible for Egypt! The government
asked us to say it was, and we agreed to get access to the bombers and
tanks for my remake of 'Watership Down'.
McCARTHY: Are you sure?
BAY: Oh, god, it hurts so badly! Now I know what the audience for
'Armageddon' experienced! Auugh!
The TV returned to Kathy McCarthy in the studio. "And after that, we
were cut off. We'll have more on this breaking story as it develops.
And, tune in at 11 for 'Newstime! Live!' where fill-in host Steve
Baldwin will reveal three more popular products made with contaminated
whey from China!"
Ron turned off the TV, and looked at his wife, who was crying. "Can I
have some more pain killers?"
"You can have some if I can have some."
"Sounds like a deal."
Judy fumbled with the bottle for a few moments, her hands shaking. Ron
reached over, and held her hands, stopping their trembling, and she
opened the bottle, handed him two pills and took two for herself.
"You know, if you really loved me, you would smother me with a pillow
so I don't have to see the end of the world."
Judy considered this for a moment. "You're right, dear, I probably
would. Can I fetch you some water?"
"Honey, there's something I never told you..."
"Yes?" Judy said, worried.
"I killed a man in Viet Nam."
"Ron, we were there on vacation for a week. Maybe you've had enough
drugs."
"If I have to sit in my death bed, watching the world be destroyed by
these damned robots, I'm glad I got to share it with you."
"Oh, Ron, I bet you say that to all the girls."
"Well, I would, if there were other girls here. You know, the doctors
said not to exert myself, but I can't see what harm it would do
now..."
* * * * * * * * *
Sector Six broke out the weapons they had developed from examining the
remains of Transformers that they had captured or killed. They were
not particularly effective though, since Transformers weaponry was not
as advanced as Transformers armor.
Agent Simon Simmons considered it a minor victory that they killed 20
Decepticons outside of Washington DC. It wasn't going to turn the tide
of the battle, but at least humanity wouldn't go down without a fight.
* * * * * * * * *
The Autobots were stretched thin. Metroplex made his stand in
Portland, transforming into robot mode and towering above the city,
blasting Decepticons and holding them off, slowly taking more and more
damage.
He staggered backwards, and finally fell, crushing whole neighborhoods
and killing many of those he had fought to save.
As he lay, prone and damaged, with repair crews inside trying to get
him on his feet again, Trypticon rose from the ocean and finished him
off while he couldn't fight back. Tentacles tore through his armor and
innards, and he screamed his death agonies so loudly that he deafened
half of Portland.
This proved to be a mercy, as the deafened populace could not hear
their own death agonies shortly thereafter, as the Decepticons
slaughtered everyone.
* * * * * * * * * *
Galvatron, Starscream and Cyclonus landed in Tijuana, where they were
joined by Scourge and the Sweeps, and a hundred new and old
Decepticons. Galvatron gave the order to wipe out the humans.
"Mighty Galvatron," Cyclonus asked, "Why do we waste our numbers on
these insects?
"Consider it a morale booster. Let this new generation of Decepticons
whet their mettle with the blood of this doomed race. The Fallen will
have his revenge, even if he isn't alive to enjoy it."
* * * * * * * * * *
Three Decepticons surrounded Armorhide. The small Autobot grabbed his
rifle and blasted repeatedly into the first, hammering away at the
Decepticon's armor. Armorhide quickly transformed into a truck, rammed
through the wounded Decepticon, and then transformed back into a robot
and shot the mangled Decepticon in the head, before again transforming
into a truck and heading for the rest of the Autobots.
* * * * * * * * * *
Barricade slammed into Gears, pushing him into a pile of garbage.
Gears transformed and grabbed his leg for a moment while gaining his
balance.
Barricade tore a telephone pole out of the ground and began to beat
Gears with it.
"Do you know what I hate?" Gears asked, rhetorically, blocking the
blows with his arm, "Being beaten to death."
Barricade growled, and reached with his claws to tear out Gear's
throat. "The time for whining is over."
* * * * * * * * *
Optimus Prime beheaded a Decepticon, but there were dozens more, and
Galvatron behind them. Optimus backed up, protecting Sam.
Galvatron chuckled and adjusted the cannon on his arm. He blasted
Optimus Prime, blowing off an arm.
Optimus Minor leapt at him, darting between the legs of the Decepticon
troops in front of him, and lunging towards the Decepticon leader.
Cyclonus stepped in front of Optimus Minor and knocked him aside with
a swipe of his hand. Minor grunted and threw a grenade which knocked
Cyclonus backwards.
Galvatron adjusted his cannon and fired at Sam. The boy burst into
flame, screaming and flailing.
Optimus Minor scurried along on four limbs, getting into position to
attack Galvatron from behind. Barricade stepped behind Galvatron, and
then used the telephone pole to swat away the diminutive Autobot.
"Barricade," Galvatron said, "you have returned to us just in time to
claim a part of our victory."
"YES, MIGHTY GALVATRON!" Barricade smashed Galvatron with the
telephone pole and then rammed it through his body from behind. "IT'S
GIULIANI TIME!"
Scourge and the Sweeps descended upon Barricade, tearing him limb from
limb. The mighty Decepticon let out a blood curdling scream.
Galvatron looked up at Barricade, as his eyes dimmed. "You are too
late, it is done, it is happening."
Sam continued to flail and burn, and a wave of energy pulsed out of
him.
Optimus Prime, injured and collapsing reached for Sam. "Sam, you must
touch my spark. Perhaps the matrix can purify the energies."
Sam shrieked in pain as Optimus Prime grabbed his flaming body and
held him to his chest. Another pulse of energy flew from the boy.
For a moment, Sam and Optimus Prime were joined together with the
Allspark, which released the genetic memories of the Witwickys and the
Primes and the Allspark itself.
* * * * * * * * *
It was 17,000 years ago, and the Primes arrived through their
transdimensional gates on Earth. The seekers had found this planet
orbiting a yellow star that was ideal for harvesting. But, when the
Primes arrived they discovered something else, something unlike
anything they had seen before -- humanity.
Apex Prime was the first of the Primes, the Primest Prime. the leader
of the Council of the Primes. He argued for leaving immediately. "This
world, this strange, odd, world covered in life, must be preserved and
remain untouched. The Allspark needs to be repowered, yes, but we
could never do so at the expense of the beings living here."
The Primes nodded as one, except for Septimus Prime, the youngest of
the Primes. Septimus began to speak. "Of course we could never repower
the Allspark at the expense of those living here, but that does not
mean that we should leave immediately. These humans are so unlike us,
we should study them, and learn about them, and understand them.
"Even in the short time we have been here, we have seen much that
cannot be explained. These humans are unlike any other species we know
of -- they do not function just to survive, their actions are
motivated by something else entirely, something that we cannot measure
or see.
"Let us stay here for a while. Yes, we must refuel the Allspark, but
we don't need to do so immediately. We can afford to wait a little
while, and try to understand these strange beings."
The Primes pondered this for a moment. Bolus Prime spoke. "Septimus,
you present an interesting option, one I had not considered. Our
imperative is to energize the Allspark, but perhaps it is not
imperative that we do so immediately."
Dexter Prime spoke. "This option is entirely unexpected. I just hadn't
considered it."
Septimus Prime spoke again. "This is what we can learn from these
humans. Most of their actions are things we would never consider, and
don't understand..."
Apex Prime considered this for a moment. "Their actions are sub-
optimal. I do not see what value this has for us."
Septimus Prime countered this argument. "Are they sub-optimal, or are
they optimizing for something else, something we have not considered?"
"I do not see how that will help us recharge the Allspark." Apex Prime
stated.
Septimus Prime pondered this, and had no response.
Decimus Prime spoke up. "It would not adversely affect our efforts to
rechange the Allspark. We can send the Seekers out to find another
suitable sun, and observe these humans in the meantime."
Apex Prime considered this. "That would be efficient," he said,
troubled.
The Primes stayed on Earth, watching the humans go about their lives
for weeks. Some, like Apex Prime, watched from a distance, others,
like Septimus Prime and Decimus Prime lived among the humans and
interacted with them on a daily basis.
The humans were initially taken aback by the presence of the Primes,
but eventually adapted to life with alien observers.
The Prime watched impassively as the village they had been watching
fought off an attack from the neighboring village -- this village had
better crop lands, and better access to the river, so it was
definitely a prime spot worth defending.
"They fight among themselves," Decimus Prime said, puzzled, "do they
not understand that their lives are precious?"
"Many animals prey upon other animals." Septimus Prime replied.
"But that is for the hunter's immediate nutrition, and never the same
species. This is different."
"We have seen male animals fight for access to the females. Perhaps
the river and cropland are as valuable as females."
Spring led into Summer, and the Seekers had still not found a suitable
star. The Primes remained on Earth, getting to know the villagers and
their way of life.
Septimus Prime had grown familiar with a family in the village, and
spent much of his time observing their dynamic.
The entire extended family was gathered, and the adult male, who
resembled Ron Witwicky, approached his son, who resembled Sam. "Pull
my finger," the elder human commanded his son.
His son looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"
"I figured something out. Just pull my finger."
His son reached forward, and then paused. "What's going to happen?"
"Don't worry, it's a surprise. Just pull my finger."
His son pulled his finger, and the father let out a loud, noxious
fart. The entire family laughed, except for the son. Soon uncles and
grandfathers, and aunts and cousins were all pulling each others
fingers, farting and laughing.
Septimus Prime stared, dumbfounded by this new ritual. "Witwickty", he
addressed the father, "I do not understand this."
Witwicky looked up at Septimus Prime, "It's just funny."
"Funny?"
"Funny."
"Why?"
"Because they aren't expecting me to fart."
Septimus Prime tilted his head.
Witwicky continued, "my son was expecting something good, but instead,
I farted and he had to smell it."
"Did he want to smell it?"
"No, it smells pretty bad."
"But, everyone else enjoyed it?"
"No, they just enjoyed my son not enjoying it."
Septimus processed this. The first bit of information was pretty
straightforward -- human farts smell bad. The second bit was harder
for Septimus Prime to understand.
"You enjoy watching him suffer?"
"No, no, no, it's all in good fun."
"I do not understand."
"Ok, you try it. Extend your finger."
Septimus Prime extended his finger, and Witwicky pulled on it. Nothing
happened.
"You've got to do something." Witwicky said. "Let's try again."
Septimus extended his finger, and Witwicky pulled on it. Septimus
Prime made a farting noise. "That was .... funny?"
Witwicky pondered this for a moment. He had no idea how to explain
this. "Listen, try me... pull my finger."
Septimus reached down, lightly grasped Witwicky's finger, and tugged.
Witwicky farted, and his family laughed hysterically.
Septimus pondered this some more. The entire activity served no
purpose, but the humans seemed to derive great pleasure from it
anyway. "Let's try again."
Witwicky extended his finger, and again said "Pull my finger."
Septimus, reached down, lightly grasped Witwicky's finger, and paused
to consider it. The obvious course of action would be to tug the
finger again, but if this humor depended upon the unexpected, then
that wouldn't work. He tore Witwicky's finger off.
Witwicky screamed in pain, and clutched his bloody hand. None of the
Witwicky family was laughing, and Septimus couldn't understand why.
But the one thing that Septimus did understand was that it felt good.
Septimus let out a laugh.
Time spun forwards, weeks and months. Septimus Prime continued his
descent into cruelty and evil. Away from the other Primes, he began to
construct the harvester, using slave labor.
Eventually, Apex Prime confronted him, backed by the other Primes. "We
never should have stayed, I'm sorry for what you are becoming."
Septimus looked at him, "Don't you see, we must destroy them, we must
harvest the energy of this sun and destroy these humans before they
can spread, and we must destroy the corruption."
Apex Prime and the other Primes attacked him, eventually trapping him
in a sarcophagi where he would be trapped forever. But at the cost of
their lives.
And as the Primes died, their energies returned to the Allspark, their
energies that had already been corrupted with notions of free will and
evil.
* * * * *
As the vision came to an end, Optimus Prime was repaired and rebuilt,
and Sam Witwicky was repaired and rebuilt, and the Allspark energy was
dispersed and purified through Optimus Prime and the Matrix.
* * * * * *
Around the world, machines began coming to life, and attacking the
Decepticons. The tide of the battle turned and the Decepticons faced
an armed foe that presented an actual threat.
* * * * * *
Back in Tijuana, Starscream saw the fallen body of Galvatron.
"Galvatron has fallen! Now I lead the Decepticons! Decepticons, hear
my commands---"
Cyclonus tore out Starscream's vocal processor. "I don't think you'll
be commanding anyone."
Cars and buses and blenders and taco carts were transforming all
around them, and surrounding the Decepticons. Cyclonus surveyed the
situation.
"Decepticons, retreat! Scourge, Sweeps, bring Galvatron."
* * * * * *
The battle was over, at least for the moment.
Sam staggered to his feet. He was healed and whole and entirely naked.
Optimus looked down at Sam. "Sergeant Epps once said of me 'Gotta
wonder... if God made us in his image, who made him?' I think we now
we know -- our races are so much alike because we learned a bit of
humanity."
"I'm not sure how I feel about you learning evil from us." Sam stated.
"Everywhere we have gone in the galaxy, where ever there is sentient
life, we have found evil. When there is free choice, there are bad
choices, as well as good." Optimus explained. "We would have learned
of it somewhere else."
"Do you find it, or do you bring it?"
Optimus pondered this for a moment. He really didn't know the answer.
"Optimus," Sam asked, "your own world was destroyed by war, what's
going to happen to ours?"
Optimus considered this for a moment. "I don't know. At least, I hope
I don't."
* * * * *
Soundwave hung above the Earth scanning.
"Soundwave," Cyclonus commanded, "report."
"Scans continue to show no sign of the Allspark. I believe it has been
dispersed and destroyed."
"Continue to scan. The Allspark cannot be destroyed. When it reacts
with human technology, it will be visible again."
"Yes, Cyclonus. Is Galvatron recuperating from his injuries?"
"Physically, he is fine." Cyclonus said, "But mentally... that will
take time."
A little while later, Soundwave received Laserbeak, and reviewed his
recordings. At the Mexican pyramid, the Allspark cube pulsed and
throbbed with energy.
Soundwave erased Laserbeak's data. He would keep this to himself.
* * * * *
Sam and Mikaela headed towards the Witwicky homestead. They had
dropped off the Camaro with a note, and then Bumblebee scanned the
Camaro and took the form of a meticulously restored 1974 Camaro. Sam
brought along a little Autobot named Mender, who was created from an
electronic stethoscope.
When they arrived, Sam ran up to his parents room, carrying Mender.
"Hey, son," Ron said, "how's it going?"
"Well, the Allspark is out of me, That's something." Sam said.
"I see you brought Mikaela... are you two a couple again?"
Mikaela glanced at Sam for a moment. "I don't know."
"Well, Mikaela, you've always been like the son we never had."
"Dad!" Sam exclaimed.
"What? She can fix cars, play football, do math... you, you're more
like the daughter we did have."
"Ron!" Judy admonished him.
"You laughed the first time I said it..."
"Well, yeah, but he wasn't standing right there."
"Yeah, I was." Sam said, a little hurt. "Listen, Dad, I brought
someone who might be able to help."
Sam set Mender down, and Mender scanned the room, and then focused on
Ron Witwicky for a moment. "Unit Witwicky Elder is dying."
"Can you help him?"
"Computing ... Computing ... Computing ..."
"Sam, I like the eyes," Judy said, "multiple eyes really suits you."
"Yeah, I kind of like it too, I just hope I don't start growing more
or something."
"Did the Autobots do that to you?" Ron asked.
"See," Judy said, "I told you they weren't all bad."
"No, no, side effect of dying and being reconstructed by the
Allspark," Sam explained, "I'm also not circumcised any more."
"We can fix that... Judy, could you go get a knife? One of those sushi
knives you bought and never use."
"Yes dear," Judy said, not moving.
Mender let out a sudden beep.
"Do you have something?" Sam asked.
"Yes. Basic cellular division error, correctable with a subspace nano
virus." Mender explained. "Preparing solution ... solution
prepared ... Unit Elder Witwicky, extend your arm."
"Please, call me Ron."
"As you command, Unit Ron." Mender injected Ron Witwicky.
Ron Witwicky winced and thrashed about on the bed for a few moments,
and then was calm, but sweaty.
"How do you feel, Unit Ron?"
"See for yourself, pull my finger."
"As you command, Unit Ron." Mender said, pulling his finger.
Ron Witwicky farted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, there you have it, the end, with lots of elements set up for
another story, and a bit of meta-context about bad potty humor
destroying the Transformers, and the sad, pathetic death of Michael
Bay, as much in the style of the Movieverse as possible (really, a
Michael Bay cameo is no worse than the reference to Armageddon in the
first movie).
Oh, yes, half of humanity is wiped out, and the big battle scenes are
interrupted by a long flashback covering the discovery of evil.
Until a few days ago, I was planning on the Transformers discovering
that they had found Unicron rather than the Allspark, but I liked the
notion of the corruption being the influence of humanity, and it meant
no McGuffin introduced towards the end. And, Unit Ron amused me.
And I desperately, desperately wanted Barricade to sodomize someone
with a telephone pole (the Transformers scale equivalent to a plunger)
and scream "It's Giuliani Time!" -- ah, horrific police abuse humor.
Gustavo!
Syed Ahsan Salahuddin
> Optimus Minor scurried along on four limbs, getting into position to
> attack Galvatron from behind. Barricade stepped behind Galvatron, and
> then used the telephone pole to swat away the diminutive Autobot.
>
> "Barricade," Galvatron said, "you have returned to us just in time to
> claim a part of our victory."
>
> "YES, MIGHTY GALVATRON!" Barricade smashed Galvatron with the
> telephone pole and then rammed it through his body from behind. "IT'S
> GIULIANI TIME!"
>
> Scourge and the Sweeps descended upon Barricade, tearing him limb from
> limb. The mighty Decepticon let out a blood curdling scream.
>
> Galvatron looked up at Barricade, as his eyes dimmed. "You are too
> late, it is done, it is happening."
Barricade! Noooooo!
Any scene with Barricade is instant "win", as the youngsters call it.
> Well, there you have it, the end, with lots of elements set up for
> another story, and a bit of meta-context about bad potty humor
> destroying the Transformers, and the sad, pathetic death of Michael
> Bay, as much in the style of the Movieverse as possible (really, a
> Michael Bay cameo is no worse than the reference to Armageddon in the
> first movie).
>
> Oh, yes, half of humanity is wiped out, and the big battle scenes are
> interrupted by a long flashback covering the discovery of evil.
>
> Until a few days ago, I was planning on the Transformers discovering
> that they had found Unicron rather than the Allspark, but I liked the
> notion of the corruption being the influence of humanity, and it meant
> no McGuffin introduced towards the end. And, Unit Ron amused me.
>
> And I desperately, desperately wanted Barricade to sodomize someone
> with a telephone pole (the Transformers scale equivalent to a plunger)
> and scream "It's Giuliani Time!" -- ah, horrific police abuse humor.
>
> Gustavo!
A bit rushed at the end, no? But to be fair, we'd made the story a bit
too complicated to end easily. Ah well. A good time was had by all.
Thanks Gusty. Remind me never to pull your finger.