[Fanfic][G1] 'Electric Boogaloo'
Derik Smith
-Derik
Fanfic: Transformers Generation One
Title: ‘Electric Boogaloo’
Setting: Cybertron, immediatly before the Autobot-Decepticon war
Synopsis: Soundwave’s love affair with a refrigerator.
Night.
He’s awakened by the sound of some tetrajets buzzing the
district overhead. Hot-shot fighter jocks who should know
better.
Clump clump clump clump.
Kitchen. Refrigerator.
*creak*
The light comes on, he takes out a can of 40 weight, heads
back to the recharger, stopping to shut the refrigerator on his
way, and finding peace in the way the light blinked out just
before he closed the door.
And so it goes.
Across town, two very stupid robots are playing a
dangerous game. Let’s call the first one ‘Bob’. Let’s call the
second one ‘Starscream.’
Now, I’m not saying the second one IS Starscream, nor that
Starscream is stupid, just that the second bot is acting in very
much the manner that you’d expect Starscream to act.
...
Okay, maybe I AM calling Starscream stupid.
*bzzrt*
Morning. Brown out. Must be something wrong with the
power relays.
Soundwave levered himself out of the recharging station
with a heavy sigh. He couldn’t go on-line because he was fully
rested could he? No, it always had to be something awakening
him.
Clump clump clump clump.
Kitchen. Refrigerator.
*creak*
The light came on, he contemplated the dismal contents of
the frige. He needed to go shopping.
The lights flickered again. There’s a sudden *pop* and the
light in the refrigerator goes out.
Impossible, he has not closed the door yet. He must be
mistaken. He eyed the lightbulb disapprovingly, willing it to
light again. It stared back at it, its dangling filament mocking
him... uh.... mockingly. ‘Not this time’ it seemed to say. ‘Not
gonna light up for you.’ ‘Get a haircut.’
Smart-ass bulb, he should have replaced it last year, there
was a sale... Soundwave let his mind drift back to simpler
times. Times of shopping and sales and lightbulbs that didn’t
talk back and lit up obediently when they ought to...
He considered closing the refrigerator. Then the light
would be out, and the refrigerator would be closed, and all would
be right with the world. Of course, if he did that, next time he
opened the refrigerator the light would not go on, and that would be
bad. He could always leave the refrigerator closed. But then
he’d need someplace to store his perishables. Maybe Frenzy’s
room. He could move all of the tape’s stuff out into the hall
before he got back and later claim he didn’t know how they’d
gotten there.
A light film of condensation was beginning to form on his
knees from the open refrigerator. He stared at it menacingly.
No result. He reached out and tapped the bulb hopefully.
Damn. No, it was good and out....
The windows rattled as some tetrajets buzzed the district
overhead.
The mecho-cabbage was begining to wilt. He frowned. No,
he would not close the door. That would be a concession, and
Decepticons did NOT give ground, not even to the inanimate.
That was one of the POINT of the whole movement!
Rummaging in the cupboard, he found a ruler of the right
size to prop the refrigerator door open and left a note on it. ‘Do
not close me.’
Gently, he pulled the defiant lightbulb from it’s socket with
a twist, and left his apartment.
Supply
The Autobot stared back at him blankly.
Soundwave once again produced the lightbulb, made a
screwing gesture, shook his head, it didn’t work.
Had he tried tapping the bulb? Yes he had.
Because sometimes that helps. Yes, sometimes it does, it
didn’t this time though.
You’d be surprised how often-
He walked out.
Morons.
Decepticon Movement District Headquarters
Soundwave jerked up nervously in front of the rec-room
refrigerator as a pair of tetrajets walked in. Had then seen him
eyeing the lightbulb in the refrigerator? Planning to replace it
with his burnt out one? As casually as he could while eyeing
the two jets, he took a package from the refrigerator and closed
it, noting the crisp, wonderful moment as the light went out
right before the door closed. He sat down at one of the tables
and tried to look casual as he examined his purloined lunch.
Ugh. Tuna.
One of the jets, the red and grey one, saw him and hushed
the other, looking at him with arched brow. He casually made
his way over to the table where Soundwave was eating,
stopping to buy a refreshment from a vending machine with a
practiced casualness that didn’t fool Soundwave.
He knew. The other one probably did too. Grimly, he
calculated his odds of being able to kill the both of them, steal
the lightbulb, and escape undetected. He’d need to erase any
logs of his arrival...
The red and gray one sat down next to him with an easy
grin. “Hello.” he leaned over to read the name written on the
paper bag Soundwave had appropriated from the frige.
“...Skywarp is it?”
Yes. He stared ahead with a studied indiffence. Don’t
make eye contact, don’t make eye contact, don’t make- damn.
The red one gestured for his companion, a light blue jet, to
join them. “Right, Skywarp... I was just telling my friend here
about this morning...”
Oh?
The other jet sat down, noticed the name on Soundwave’s
lunch, and glanced at the red one, who in turn shrugged in a ‘so
what’ manner. He turned back to Soundwave. “Yes, this
morning. Have you logged on to the cybernet today?”
He had not. He hoped he hadn’t missed something
important. A declaration of war, a 50% off sale, John Tesh’s
latest dissertation on the fundamental truth of the Decepticon
way... he hated being out of the loop.
“Well if you had...” he exchanged a smirk with his
companion, “You’d have heard about the latest egg on the face
of the Autobot high command. It seems some as-yet-
unidentified Autobot, let’s call him Bob, decided to commit
suicide by jumping into one of the transmission towers at the
district power relay. Caused system-wide brownouts and
surges all morning. Quite messy.”
Curious. The sound of the bulb popping out as the lights
flickered echoed in his mind.
The red and gray bot leaned forward, face resting in his
hands and elbows on the table. “Howso?”
Soundwave finished his sandwich before replying. To
jump into the Transmission Tower, one would have to be right
above it. Autobots can’t fly. He paused. And given the kind of
power involved, he wouldn’t think a positive ID, Autobot or
Decepticon, would be possible.
The red one grinned double-wide, showing all his teeth.
“Oh trust me, it was an Autobot alright. Screamed all the way
down too.”
Soundwave considered this. Fascinating. He got up, moved
to the refrigerator, removed the lightbulb from the door with
the other two jets watching, and left- brushing by another black
and purple jet entering the room as he left.
Frenzy returned home to find Soundwave sitting morosely
in his chair, staring at the open refrigerator.
He looked at Soundwave, looked at the refrigerator. It
appeared quite defrosted, and the mecho-cabbage was on its
last legs. He scratched the back of his head.
“Ha ha. Very funny guys.”
Across town, the black and purple tetrajet got up from the
table and headed over to the refrigerator. “Man I’m starved.
Hhh. Light’s out.” A pause. “Who the fuck stole my lunch?”
Frenzy returned to the kitchen. Soundwave hadn’t moved,
and the kitchen was starting to get a little chilly as the
refrigerator motor chugged to work overtime with the door
propped open. Frenzy shivered, looked at Soundwave, whom he
noticed was holding a small lightbulb in his hand, rolling it
gently and contemplatively between his thumb and his
forefinger as he stared intently at the refrigerator.
Shrugging, Frenzy pulled up a chair and sat down to watch
the refrigerator, this could take awhile.
Across town.
Shockwave, second in command of the entire Decepticon
movement, entered the rec room with a critical eye, observing
the three conspirital tetrajets eating lunch in the corner. Such
intra-unit bonding was good for morale. He approved.
He opened the refrigerator. “Light’s out.”
A pause.
“Who took my lunch?”
On the other size of the room, Skywarp sank down in his
seat.
Frenzy kicked his feet idly in the air, tired of counting the
number of drips of water coming from the refrigerator. He
stretched, loooked at Soundwave, who was still staring intently
at the refrigerator.
Frenzy blew out a breath and cleared his throat. “Uh,
Soundwave? Do you know why my stuff’s all out in the hall?”
Suppply
The Autobot looked down at the lightbulb before him,
puzzled.
This lightbulb is fine. Yes, of course this lightbulb is fine,
this is the replacement.
The lightbulb seems to work sir. Yes, I know it works.
If you’d like, I could test it- make sure it works-
Soundwave reached out, grappled the Autobot by the
collar, and threw him over his shoulder, achieving some nice air
given the Autobot’s mass, getting him clear over to pet supplies.
Casually reached over and pinged the ‘please ring for help’
bell.
Bombshell walked into the rec-room, throwing off a salute
for Commander Shockwave and a scowel for the three tetrajets
decked out on the sofa who were watching him with intent
interest. The insecticon mistrusted their interest, it made him
nervous somehow.
Still nervous, he walked over to the refrigerator. Hhh. The
light was out. He frowned, waitaminute...
“Who stole my lunch?”
Across the room, Commander Shockwave stood up and
proudly proclaimed. “I stole your lunch.” He fixed Bombshell
with his monocular glare.
“Oh.” Bombshell waited a beat, “Well, carry on then.” His
stomach rumbled. He looked back into the refrigerator.
Supply
The Autobot’s supervisor looked at the light bulb
Soundwave showed him.
“Hrm. This appears to be in working order.”
Soundwave showed him the other one.
“No, this one is burnt out.” The Autobot tapped it a few
times. “Did you try jiggling it?”
Jiggling did not help.
“Hrm. A pity. You’d be surprised how often-”
It didn’t help.
“Yes, well, you’re rather fortunate to have a replacement
on hand then, aren’t you?”
Soundwave pointed, first at one, then the other.
The Autobot stared at them for a long moment, then held
them up to the light and sighed. “Oh my.”
The threads were going the opposite directions.
Frenzy walked into the rec room, and stopped. Arrayed at
various tabled, couches, chairs, and in the back where there was
no room, STANDING, were no fewer than twenty-seven
transformers. He counted two tripple changers an insecticon no
fewer than seven tetrajets Commander Shockwave, the entire
Combaticon force, three Constructicons and eight various and
sundry others. Not eating, not talking, just sitting, silently, and
staring. First at him, then their gaze shifting, as one, to the
refrigerator, then back.
Frenzy stopped, turned, and also stared at the refrigerator.
It stood there refrigerating dutifully.
He took a few tentative steps towards it, feeling the eyes
of the room on him. Nervously he grabbed the handle. Why
were they watching him? Was the refrigerator booby trapped?
Had they all planned this? This silent demonstration of social
pressure, forcing him to open the refrigerator and thus meet his
doom? Where they ALL against him?
With an anguished cry, Frenzy wrenched open the
refrigerator door and dove to the ground, covering his audio-
receptors.
He blinked. No boom. He looked up.
The room stared back blankly. Then looked at the
refrigerator.
Frenzy couldn’t help it, he looked up. “Hey, the-”
“LIGHT’S OUT!” echoed back twenty-seven voices.
Supply
The Autobot snapped the thick parts manual shut with a
satisfied nod. “Yup. You’ve got a Cosgrove Model 9
Refrigerator.”
Yes, he’d told him that.
The Autobot leaned forward, a sentimental smile on his
face. “You know, only five of them were ever made. Modified
to take military parts you know- thus the backwards threads-
never find ‘em in civilian equipment.”
Yes, fascinating. And?
He blinked. “And what?”
Could he requisition one?
“Well, yeah... hypothetically. Wouldn’t have to actually, got
some in back.”
Soundwave smiled hopefully. Let there be Light!
“Now now, it ain’t that easy!”
You know, Frenzy thought as he munched down on
someone else’s lunch, he could get into this. The whole
refrigerator-watching thing. it was fairly relaxing, and there
was a certain intensity in a room so totally focused on the
existential paradox of refrigeration that was compelling.
Frenzy finished his chicken kiev and chucked the bag in
the waste receptacle next to the one with his name on it. At
least he’d traded up.
Now he settled in for a nice long round of camaraderie-
building refrigerator watching.
In retrospect, it was surprising no one had come up with
this earlier.
Supply.
“Y’see,” drawled the Autobot supervisor, “technically,
Cosgrove type-3 lightbulbs are military equipment.”
Soundwave stared back at him. This was beginning to get
dangerous.
“I CAN’T sign out military equipment to a Decepticon! Not
even the lightbulb!”
Soundwave stared back at him.
“It’s not my choice! Look, I’d LIKE to give you the part, I
really would! But it’s regulations! Now id you had a Cosgrove
Type-3 Concussion Cannon that needed repairing I could give it
to you with the proper forms, but you don’t! You have a
Cosgrove Model 9 Refrigerator, and that’s a non-military
application! It’s not covered by the regs!” The Autobot tried
his best to look genuinely sorry. “I’m sorry.”
Soundwave sighed picked up his lightbulbs from the
counter.
The Autobot again smiled apologetically, and removed the
burnt-out one from his hand. “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to
confiscate this. Military equipment you know. Regulations.”
Soundwave’s faceplate twitched. Wordlessly he spun on
his heel and left.
Dispirited, the supervisor headed over to Pet Supplies.
Megatron was in full lecture mode. “And THAT is why we
shall triumph! through unity! Through mutual support!
Through a oneness of vision! the Decepticon Army is a
community, we care for one another, we share resources, and
we do NOT steal from one another!”
Megatron had come into the rec room to find forty-odd
transformers gathered here silently, like something out of
Village of the Damned. His first reaction had been to scream
‘Junta!’ and wax the one in front of him with a fusion cannon.
Oh well, it had only been an Insecticon, there were more where
he'd come from.
He turned to face the room, his face grim, and asked in his
best interrogator's tone, “Now, with all that in mind, does
anyone know what happened to my lunch?”
The room fidgeted nervously, no one wanting to speak
first. In the back of the room Shockwave stared studiously off
into space.
“Well?” demanded Megatron.
Behind him, the door to the rec-room slid open.
Soundwave, oblivious to the spectacle before him, marched
past Megatron and made a beeline for the frige.
The room held its breath.
Soundwave opened the refrigerator and, totally unaware
of the tension around him, removed the lightbulb he had
‘appropriated’ earlier and screwed it firmly into place. The
refrigerator lit up pleasantly as a result. Experimentally, he
shut the door, finding peace in the predictable just-so way that
the light turned off just before the door closed. Open. Shut.
Open. Shut. Ah, bliss.
He turned, and spotted the room full of Decepticons
staring at him. Megatron included. Without missing a beat, he
stepped up next to Megatron, and began to speak.
“My fellow Decepticons. We are transformers. We adapt.
Like any race, we move out, expand into new territories, find
new niches to fill, and prosper. For millennia the Autobots have
sought to override this natural inclination of out species, to halt
expansion. They wish us to stagnate. To them, this is a ‘good’
thing.
“And stagnant we have become. A cold peace has reigned
over a period of increasing military production. This is not
natural. When the needs of the many come up against the
desires of the few there should be conflict- not talk- not
compromise. By playing at diplomacy we are not waging war
by other means, we are handing the Autobots their victory-
because we ARE stagnant, and rot has begun to set in.
“Look at yourselves. Look at each other. We have become
soft, complacent with petty revenges, embroiled in infighting
over locked-in territories. We are crowding ourselves out.” His
voice lowered. “We are Decepticons. We can FLY, and yet we no
longer have room to do so.”
Total silence reigned in the room. He continued.
“In two cycles I plan to check out a Concussion Cannon
from the armory. In ten, I will walk into the Autobot Supply
Depot shooting. Why? Does it MATTER? I refuse to remain as I
am. I refuse to rot here. Right now I offer you a choice. I am
going, now. I expect to be dead within fifteen cycles. Choose
wisely.”
He turned to leave, and was stopped by a hand on his
shoulder. Black black metal on a gray arm.
Megatron’s hand.
Soundwave’s apartment.
Dirty, battered, but for the first time in too long, unbent,
Soundwave entered his kitchen, in his hand his prize. A
Cosgrove type-3 lightbulb.
Reverently he reached into the refrigerator and screwed
the lightbulb in, counter-clockwise.
The inside of the refrigerator lit up with a beautiful
beautiful light.
Hhh. The mecho-cabbage had turned. It didn’t matter.
With a moment of joy in his heart, he closed the door, and
found peace in the way the light blinked out just before he
closed the door. He opened it, closed it, opened it.
Satisfied, he closed the refrigerator and sat back in his
rickety chair and shut off his optics, listening to the soothing
sound of his Cosgrove Model 9 Refrigerator refrosting.
Yes, life was good.
And somewhere, in the back of his mind, he heard the
motor die.
Sigh.
This has been a true tale of the start of the Autobot-
Decepticon War.
“So it was a kingdom was lost- all for the want of a nail.”
-George Herbert, ‘The Nail’, 1651
Derik's Random PR-Themed Site of the Week
http://www.LimitedLtd.com
Continuity is off-topic in this newsgroup. Take care where you post in the
future.
"I think people should be allowed to keep midgets as pets." -Jesse Ventura
Hooper X
> Title: ‘Electric Boogaloo’
> Setting: Cybertron, immediatly before the Autobot-Decepticon war
That was d amn amusing. I really like the stylistic nuances. ANd it's funny,
whee!
Hooper_X, heh... fourty 'cons and no lunch...
"If Kenny & Waspinator were on the Titanic, who would die first?" -Me
To contact me, take off that stupid looking hat you wear.
MST# 9997 (I kid you not.)
Sable Phoenix
Derik Smith wrote:
--
"So there I was, between a rock and a
hard place, when suddenly I thought, 'What
am I doing on this side of the rock?'"
-Star Commander Karra, Clan Ghost Bear,
Constance, April, 3050.
Maximus Prime
Definitely one of the best fanfics I've ever read.
. .up there with Alex-buncha-numbers, ZacWilliam,
and Brian Kilby :-)
--
--Maximus Prime
Keeper of the Transformers Comic Scan Archive
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Omega/4772
Writer of the Maximal Gambit
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Nova/6206
Writer of "A World Transformed"
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Meteor/5258
FITHOS LUSEC WECOS VINOSEC
Phoenix
I'd give you a fanfic Oscar! ;-)
Phoenix :-)
Terebi no Gureji
TV's Grady: The Moonlight Jedi Knight Who Says Ni
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a
while, you might miss it."-Ferris Bueller
http://www.geocities.com/tvsgrady_99/
Rodimus13
>He took a few tentative steps towards it, feeling the eyes
>of the room on him. Nervously he grabbed the handle. Why
>were they watching him? Was the refrigerator booby trapped?
>Had they all planned this? This silent demonstration of social
>pressure, forcing him to open the refrigerator and thus meet his
>doom? Where they ALL against him?
> With an anguished cry, Frenzy wrenched open the
>refrigerator door and dove to the ground, covering his audio-
>receptors.
> He blinked. No boom. He looked up.
> The room stared back blankly. Then looked at the
>refrigerator.
> Frenzy couldn’t help it, he looked up. “Hey, the-”
> “LIGHT’S OUT!” echoed back twenty-seven voices.
TILL ALL ARE ONE
Rodi...@aol.com
"Trust me I know what I'm doing."
"Are you sure about that Cheetamus"
"What makes you think I don't?"
"Well maybe the fact that you just activated the self destruct systems has
something to do with it."
"oops"
BOOOM
Brian Kilby
Maximus Prime <penma...@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
news:80876m$ak1$1...@bgtnsc01.worldnet.att.net...
> THAT had me laughing the entire way through.
> Definitely one of the best fanfics I've ever read.
> . .up there with Alex-buncha-numbers, ZacWilliam,
> and Brian Kilby :-)
>
While I haven't read the fanfic yet (it's now residing on my HD in
preparation to be read), I know that it *has* to be good to be in the same
category with the fine writers that you mentioned there. ;)
Brian Kilby,
who is wondering when he put Maximus Prime on the payroll. :)
LdyRazor73
stolen...
Wonderful stuff, keep it up.
The Lady Razorsharp
Welcome to the Shadowspace...
http://www.angelfire.com/ms/melodysilver/main.html
Original fanficton and art
In2Home User
Matt Edwards. Mhhya...@training.in2home.co.uk
deto...@my-deja.com
"In2Home User" <us...@training.in2home.co.uk> wrote:
> Even friends of mine who aren't fans loved it
>
> Matt Edwards. Mhhya...@training.in2home.co.uk
>
>
Here is something fuuny:
http://www.effenheimer.com
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