[FANFIC] A day in the life of Shockwave (For the Trannies)
Aziraphale
Please read it. If you think the first part's dull, please read on,
later it get's funnier.
Please tell me what you think about it.
Tell me if it's boring, or too long.
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THE EXCITING LIFE OF SHOCKWAVE
episode 1
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SHOCKWAVE
by
Thomas Hamann
We see Shockwave in his bed, sleeping, clenching a small plush doll,
which looks just like a small Shockwave.
Alarm clock: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Shockwave: Mmmmh......
Alarm clock: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Shockwave wakes up a bit, looks at the alarm clock and thinks:
"Query: Why does alarm clock make noise?
Hypothesis: Alarm clock wants to wake me up...., but I do not want to.
Conclusion: I will go on sleeping...."
Shockwave goes on with sleeping.
Half an hour later.....
Alarm clock: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Shockwave: Mmmmh......
Alarm clock: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Shockwave wakes up a bit again, looks again at the alarm clock, and
thinks:
"Query: Why does alarm clock make noise?
Hypothesis: Alarm clock wants to annoy me........
Conclusion: Alarm clock, DIE !"
Shockwave shoots the alarm clock with his weapon arm.
*BOOM*
Shockwave falls asleep again.
*BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP*
Shockwave wakes up yet again, thinks: "That alarm clock AGAIN?", looks
at the remains of the alarm clock, thinks: "No, I must be dreaming",
and falls asleep again.
*BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
Shockwave jumps from his bed, the plush doll flying through the room.
He looks at the remains of the alarm clock yet again. Shockwave
thinks: "This is not possible!". Then Shockwave realizes that it is
not his alarm clock, but the doorbell.
Shockwave runs down, and opens the door.
Nobody.
Shockwave looks around, sees nobody, then sees Wheelie peering from
the other side of the street.
Wheelie: "I'm filled with joy, because Shockwave I did annoy!"
Shockwave: "Grunt..."
Shockwave closes the door, and goes back to his room. There he picks
up the plush doll.
<Talking to the doll> "Bastard! Because of him, I've hurt Shocky...."
Shockwave hugs the doll, then places it on his desk.
"Query: What do I have to do, today?
Hypothesi...." *BEEEP BEEEEP*
The doorbell rings again. "This time I'm gonna kill him..."
Shockwave rushes down and rips the door open: "I'm gonna..."
Then he sees that it isn't Wheelie standing in front of him, but
Rhinox: "Oops, sorry..."
Rhinox: "Cybertronian Computer Delivery Service. You had ordered a
computer."
Shockwave (amazed): "My computer. My *NEW* super-enhanced personal
computer. Finally. I couldn't wait any longer."
Rhinox: "It was only two days."
Shockwave (still amazed): "It has the 2 Terabyte harddisk, and all the
memory, and.., and..."
Rhinox: "Yes, sir. It has it all.
Shockwave: "You saved my day!"
Rhinox: "Eh, okay. Where do I put it?"
Shockwave: "Come in, come in. You can put it on my desk. Would you
like some energon?"
Rhinox moves in, and places a huge box on Shockwave's desk. Then he
goes out again, and comes back in with two other boxes.
Rhinox: "That's all. As you've already paid, I can go now."
Shockwave: "You're sure you do not want any energon?"
Rhinox: "No, thank you. It makes me sick."
Rhinox leaves.
Shockwave unpacks all the boxes and starts to assemble his PC, while
making strange little noises.
Three hours later he was ready, and looked at his new PC. He pushed
the ON button, and began to speak to it: "What are you beautiful. And
so fast. Fantastic!"
Shockwave opens a box and takes out a game cartridge. It reads 'Total
Autobot Carnage'. He places it into a slot on his PC. "Now I am able
to play this awesome game at home! BWAAHAAAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!!!"
Shockwave plays for hours, still making strange little noises.
Suddenly he stops: "Oh SLAG.....I'm hungry..."
"Query: Shouldn't I buy some food for tonight?
Hypothesis: If I want to eat something, then the answer is: yes.
Conclusion: I should go buy some food."
Shockwave leaves his home to buy some food. He transforms, and flies
to the shopping mall.
Shockwave enters the shopping mall, and walks to the food store.
The first thing he sees when he enters is Wheelie.
Shockwave: "AAAAAHHH!"
Wheelie (speaking in microphone): "People, I' am filled with joy,
Because today Shockwave I did annoy."
Everybody laughs.
Shockwave rushes out of the store, swearing that he will once kill
that little creature.
Shockwave looks around, thinking:
"Query: Where do I get food?
Hypothesis: If I rob that fuel station there, I will get much food.
Conclusion: I'm gonna rob the fuel station"
Shockwave robs the fuel station.
Streetwise: "Hey, you! What do you think you're doing?"
Shockwave: "..."
Streetwise: "I asked something. Answer me!"
Shockwave: "I got enough from this. DIE, Autobot!"
Shockwave shoots Streetwise.
*BOOM*
Streetwise dies.
Scorponok [The BeastWars one]: "What do you think you're doing?"
*BOOM*
Scorponok dies.
Shockwave: "Idiots."
Shockwave decides to walk home.
While walking home, he eats the food he robbed at the fuel station.
Then he spots Arcee standing in front of a building.
Shockwave: "..."
Shockwave rushes to Arcee, grabs her hand, and pulls her with him.
Shockwave: "Come with me! I've something to show you."
Arcee screams, and kicks Shockwave.
Shockwave: "OUCH!!! YOU B#%CH!!!"
Arcee runs away towards Springer, who had just arrived. They talk.
Shockwave walks in their direction. Then he sees that Springer is
running towards him.
Springer: "You piece of SLAG! You scared Arcee! What were you trying
to do?"
Shockwave: "I just wanted to sh..."
Springer: "That's just what I thought you wanted to do. I'm gonna
smash your faceplate into pieces, YOU PIECE OF SLAG!"
Shockwave (thinking):
"Query: Why is he angry?
Hypothesis: He doesn't know what I wanted to show Arcee.
Conclusion: I have to tell him."
Shockwave: "Listen, I .."
Springer: "What? What do you want, you piece of slag?"
Shockwave: "I SAID: LISTEN!"
Springer: "What?"
Shockwave: "LET ME TALK, YOU FOOL!!!"
Shockwave: "I just wanted to show her my new computer..."
Springer (drawing his sword): "That's just wahtta thought..."
Shockwave: "WAIT! You do not understand...I'm talking about my PC..."
Springer: "OH yes, I do understand, you piece of slag! YOU filthy
Decepticon! YOU EXHIBITIONISTIC MORON"
Shockwave: "You...you're thinking th..that I want..ed t-t-to ...."
Springer: "I'LL CHOP IT OFF, YOU PIECE OF SLAG!!!"
Inside Shockwave: ERROR..ERROR..ERROR,..NOT LOGIC ZZZKTZZZAKKT
CRSSHHH.....
Shockwave runs away, screaming: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"
Springer: "What a FOOL!!!!"
Then to Arcee: "Lets' go home, and have fun..."
***
Meanwhile, around the corner...
"That idiot (CRRRSHHH..)ne-nearly caused a s-(ZKKT..)s-hort-circuit in
my computer..."
Shockwave whispers to himself.
Then, talking aloud: "Next time I'll blow his head apart."
Voice from behind: "Did you say: BLOW?"
Shockwave turns around violently, and is shocked to see Optimus Primal
making obscene gestures.
Primal (still making obscene gestures): "Me blow you!"
Inside Shockwave: ZZZKKTTT....
Shockwave: "Not Again!"
Shockwave reacts merciless, pushing his weapon arm into Primal's
mouth, and saying: "Suck this!"
Shockwave fires.
*BOOOOOOM*
Primal's head blows apart.
Shockwave: "Imbecile!"
Shockwave: "Now, let's go home."
Shockwave goes home.
Shockwave enters his home, goes upstairs, takes his doll from his
desk, goes downstairs, and sits down in front of his TV.
Shockwave: "Now, Shocky, we're going to watch TV."
Shockwave switches on his TV.
Shockwave: "What the...?"
The only thing Shockwave sees is Transformers doing strange things
with humans, in red light. Shockwave switches to another channel.
The same.
Shockwave switches to another channel.
The same.
Shockwave switches to another channel.
The same.
Inside Shockwave: CCRRRRSSHHHH..ZZKKT..ZZZZKT
Shockwave switches to the last channel.
Still the same.
Shockwave watches.
Inside Shockwave: ZZKKKT..ZZZZZZZZKKKT....*ERROR*....CRRRSHHHHHH
Suddenly, a voice says: "You're watching Porn Channel, the HOTTEST
Transformer-Human POR..."
Shockwave explodes.
***
Epilogue
Nurse: "Doctor, here's the last plate..."
Ratchet: "Thank you. Almost done."
Ratchet: "Ready."
Nurse: "Activation process started."
Ratchet comes out of the emergency room, cleans himself, and goes to
his office.
Secretary: "Sir, the man from the TV-station is here. Shall I send him
in?
Ratchet: "Yes, please."
Cheetor enters: "Hi!"
Ratchet: "You're the guy from the TV-station?"
Cheetor: "Yeah! Why do you ask?"
Ratchet (angry): "BECAUSE THIS IS THE 40th TIME THIS MONTH THAT
SHOCKWAVE *EXPLODED* AFTER WATCHING YOUR STUPID PROGRAMS!!!!!!"
Cheetor: "Don't scream, don't scream! It's not my fault!"
Ratchet: "SO WHOSE IS IT?"
Cheetor: "It's that new guy. He keeps switching all the channels to
PORN CHANNEL. Death's Head he's called, I think..."
Ratchet: "That's what you keep telling me. Why don't you fire him?"
Cheetor: "Because the Big Boss doesn't want."
Ratchet: "sigh...!"
Cheetor: "But this time I took him with me. I thought that would be
smart..."
Ratchet: "Then GO, and GET HIM!"
Cheetor: "Okay."
Cheetor goes and gets Death's Head.
Ratchet (looking very angry): "So you're Death's Head."
Death's Head: "Yes."
Ratchet: "Shockwave survived this time, but the next time he maybe
won't. So you're gonna stop with switching those channels, got that? "
DH: "I won't, 'cause the Big Boss doesn't want."
Ratchet: "sigh... LISTEN, tell your boss that you've have to stop, and
if he doesn't want it, I'LL RIP OUT HIS VOICE MODULE WITH MY BARE
HANDS!!!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND?"
DH: "..."
Ratchet: "SAY 'YES'!"
DH: "Y-YES, sir."
Ratchet: "Dismissed."
Cheetor and Death's Head leave.
_
THE END...Oh no, not yet
Da Big Boss: "He said THAT?"
DH: "Yes."
Da Big Boss: "BWAHAHAHAHAAAA! I don't believe it!"
Da Big Boss: "Anyway, there won't be a 'next time'."
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Thomas Hamann
e-mail: tdh...@xoommail.com