[FANFIC] Arcee McBeal
Paul F
By Paul Frawley
This is an amalgam-type crossover of the Transformers and Ally McBeal.
The idea for this story came from the 1998 Trannie awards, in
particular the question for what property the Transformers should
crossover with. I said they shouldn't, but the idea kept in my head
and needed to get out. The various Transformer characters are owned by
Hasbro, the Ally McBeal characters are owned by David E. Kelly
Productions, etc.
-Paul, March 1999
e-mail me at: rhi...@start.com.au
Arcee McBeal almost knocked over two of her coworkers as she
drove out the elevator straight to the Coffegon machine. She
transformed and poured herself a fresh hot cube.
She took a few slow sips of the first cup of the morning to put
herself at ease. Seemingly out of nowhere came an all too familiar and
all too cheerful voice. "Good Morning Arcee!"
Startled, Arcee screamed and spilt a few drops from her cube.
"Don't sneak up on me Soundaine!"
Soundaine was the head secretary of the law firm 'Perceptor &
Springer', for which Arcee was one of the lawyers. Soundaine knew
everything that was happening in the offices. This was because she
listened at every door. Arcee also suspected that Soundaine could read
minds. "You'll never guess who is starting here today."
"I don't care," said Arcee walking towards her office.
Soundaine followed. "I think you will."
"Trust me Soundaine, I don't."
Arcee went to shut the door of her office, but Soundaine held it
open.
"It's Georgita."
Arcee's eyes widened. "Georgita-One? Roddy's Georgita."
"The same. Perceptor hired her yesterday. It's going to be weird
working with your old boyfriend and his wife isn't it? If it’s any
consolation I hear she used to go out with the other Timusprime."
"Thank you Soundaine, " Arcee said slamming the door in her face.
"Snappish, " retorted Soundaine from outside.
Arcee collapsed on to chair and let her head fall to the table.
Several years ago, Arcee and Roddy had been madly in love. But
they had drifted apart. Roddy had left her, and they hadn't seen each
other until Arcee came to work for her old friend Perceptor years
later. Only now Roddy was married, to Georgita-1, a beautiful Autobot
that made Arcee mad with jealously on the few times they had met. Now
they had to work together, this was going to be hard.
"OGGA CHAKA."
Arcee raised her head. The room was empty, the door still shut.
"OGGA CHAKA."
She swung her head to the right. "Hello?"
Nothing there. She stood up and turned to the window trying to
work out what was making the noise. She turned around again and there
it was. Two feet tall. Orange and grey. Somewhat transparent. Dancing.
"OGGA CHAKA. I can't stop this feeling,
OGGA CHAKA. That I'm not appealing."
Arcee walked around her desk. "What are you?"
"OGGA CHAKA. You must be seeing things I guess,
OGGA CHAKA. You see a Dancing Wheelie, yes?"
Arcee went to touch it, and it ran under her desk. Arcee dropped
down to the floor and crawled half way under the desk in pursuit.
"Where did you go?"
"Ahem" someone coughed behind her.
Arcee jumped, banging her head on the table. "OWWW!"
"You okay?" asked Roddy helping Arcee out from under the table
and on to her feet.
"Yep. Just, uh, lost a pen." replied Arcee smiling at Roddy.
"Hello Arcee." At the sound of a new voice, Arcee turned to see
Georgita and Perceptor Fisch standing at the doorway. The glare from
Georgita face told her that she was standing too close to Roddy and
she immediately backed away.
"Hello Georgita. Welcome to the firm, it's great to have you
here." lied Arcee through her teeth.
Georgita replied with a forced smile, still suspicious of the way
Arcee had been looking at Roddy.
Sensing the mood in the room Perceptor butted in, "Arcee you're
welcome to come to our introductory meeting in the conference lounge
in the next hour."
"Oh. I've got work to do, and-"
"No excuses Arcee. Come on Georgita let me show you your office."
Perceptor said as he led Georgita out of Arcee's office.
Roddy looked at Arcee's head. "Bit of a nasty bump there."
"It's fine," snapped Arcee moving away from Roddy's hand.
"Georgita working here isn't a problem is it?"
"No! Of course not. I mean why should it be a problem?"
"Good." Roddy said nodding his head. "I better catch up with them."
Arcee smiled as she watched Roddy go after her wife.
Arcee went straight from the agonising introductory meeting, to
the nearby courtroom. She was a backup to her colleague Springer Cage.
The two were defending an Autobot named Hauler who was charged with
failing to appear in more than one episode. The co-accused Skids had
been let off last week, quoting numerous comic appearances, but Hauler
had no alibi for his disappearance, and no one to testify for his
whereabouts.
Springer, also affectionately "the energon goodie", was one of
the best lawyers in Bosticon. Although his methods where strange to
say the least, they worked. In this case though they had a tough judge
who didn't seem too fond of his quirky ways.
Arcee was having trouble concentrating. She kept thinking of
Roddy, and Georgita, and how those two belonged together. She was sure
if she told herself that enough times she just might believe it.
She looked over at Springer who was getting the jury to repeat
some word or another. She had to make sure she didn't look like she
was daydreaming.
Georgita hates me, she thought. She took that job just to get at
me.
Springer took a moment, lowering his head and holding the bridge
of his nose. Then concluded his questioning and he sat down.
They're together now. I've got to move on. Arcee thought. Roddy
and I were together years ago, what we had is long gone.
"OGGA CHAKA Roddy and Georgita sitting in a tree,
OGGA CHAKA K, I, double S, I, N, G."
Arcee's eyebrows would have raised (if she had them) as she saw
the Dancing Wheelie in the middle of the courtroom.
Go away, she thought at it.
"Ally?" whispered Springer. "Are you okay?"
Ally turned her head towards him, "Yes."
When she looked back, it was gone.
The case broke for jury deliberations.
"You were seeing something weren't you?" Springer asked Arcee as
they got on to the elevator.
"No."
"Come on. You know I can tell. I have always been right before,"
said Springer with the head tilt of his she found enduring.
"Okay. Yes. I think Georgita coming to work with the firm is
putting me on edge."
"What did you see?"
"A little dancing Wheelie."
"Dancing?"
"And singing. In rhyme."
"Mmmnnmnmnm." said Springer singing to himself as he did to cover
his stutter. He removed a card from his pocket. "You should see my
therapist."
"Oh. Thanks, but no I'll be fine."
"Arcee you're seeing a Dancing Wheelie in court. The jealously
over Georgita and Roddy's relationship is starting to affect your
work."
"I don't really think - " The elevator doors opened and the
Dancing Wheelie was standing there. Arcee screamed and pressed the
shut button.
Springer held out the card to her and she snatched it from him.
"Fine. I'll go."
"I'm not really sure this is going to help me," said Arcee
sitting down in the room of Springer's therapist. "I don't want to be
here. And you have to want to be here for it to work, right?"
"That is *so* not true, " said the thin-moustached therapist. To
Arcee it looked like he'd been put together from junk. "A dollar a day
can mean the world of difference."
Arcee screwed her face up. "What do you mean?"
"The way to self-awareness and happiness can be yours. Ring this
number now."
"Um, are you okay? You seem to be..." Arcee paused trying to work
out how to say it. "You seem to be talking, TV!?"
"Correct! 10 points!" awarded Wreck-Gar. "Now for the bonus
round, Why are you here?"
"You see I'm jealous of my old boyfriend's wife, and I've kinda
been seeing this Dancing Wheelie."
"What is the deal with the Dancing Wheelie?" asked Wreck-Gar.
"It's a little orange and grey robot. But it’s see-through. And
it dances, and it talks in rhymes and I don't know what it means."
"The answers are there, you just need to know where to look"
"That's why I'm here. So you can tell me what it means."
"You've gone mad, but not as mad as our low low prices."
"Ooohhh! Can't you speak properly. What kind of a therapist are
you!" said Arcee rising to her feat
"Don't have a cow, man!" Wreck-Gar gestured for Arcee to sit back
down. "You need a theme song."
"What?"
"Music makes the world go round"
"A theme song?"
"Don't go for second best, but yourself to the test. You've got
to express yourself."
"Well. Theme song? Theme song." Arcee took a deep breath and
started to think. "What about - "
She began singing in a soft-reserved manner:
"Sometimes when your hopes have all been shattered,
And there's nowhere to turn,
You wonder how you keep going,
Think of all the things that really mattered,
And the chances you've earned,
The fire in your heart is growing."
Arcee's confidence grew and she began singing louder:
"You can fly, if you try leaving the past behind,
Heaven only knows what you might find."
Arcee jumped up yelling more than singing:
"Dare - dare to believe you can survive,
You hold the future in your hand,
Dare -"
A loud buzzing sound came from a stereo on the other side of the
room. She looked at it, and then back to Wreck-Gar who was holding a
remote. "I'll have to check with the judges. No we can't accept that
answer."
Arcee flopped back down on to her seat. "What about:
"You've got the Touch, you've got the power - "
Another buzz filled the room. "Strike two."
"Well then what's your great theme song then?"
Wreck-Gar clicked his remote and a fast-paced song blared out of
the speakers, to which he began dancing:
"Dare to be stupid, We can be stupid all night,
Dare to be stupid, come on join the crowd,
Dare to be stupid, Shout it out loud!"
Arcee stood up and swished her hands towards the door. "I think
I'll be going now."
"Dare to be stupid, I can't hear you,
Dare to be stupid, Okay, I can hear you now."
Arcee shut the door behind her and shook her head. At least now
she was sure of something, she wasn't the craziest robot in Bosticon.
Back at the office, Arcee went to the Unisex toilet to freshen up. As
she was washing her hands she saw Georgita exit one of the cubicles.
"Hi," said Georgita. "I can't believe this place has a unisex
toilet."
"Mmm. Well at least it acknowledges there are female
Transformers."
Georgita came along side Arcee at the sink and washed her hands.
"Are you still in love with Roddy?"
Georgita might have just as well punched Arcee in the face. As
Arcee got herself of the ground with astonishing speed, she said "NO!
Of course not."
"I just get this feeling. Whenever the two of you are
together..."
"It's nothing, really. I mean we were in love, but we haven't
done anything. Not that we want to of course, but if we did want to,
he wouldn't."
Georgita crossed her arms and glared at Arcee. "He wouldn't?"
"No."
"But you would?"
"Don't cross examine me. I have done nothing wrong."
"You didn't answer me."
"It's all in the past. I have no interest in Roddy at all."
"I don't believe you."
"Okay so I still like him, but he was my best friend. We were
very close, you can't sever binds like that. You're just going to have
to accept that Roddy and I were very close, just like I'm going to
have to accept that you two are together and in love, and I can't do
anything about it."
Georgita stared at Arcee. Arcee began feeling very self-
conscious, as well as a little out of breath.
A stall opened and Perceptor came out. "Hello ladies."
"Perceptor!" they both said.
Arcee glared at him, "You've been lifting your feet again?"
"Sorry, bad habit. You know you two ladies should compete
competitively. A two-on-two gladiatorial combat to prove your
superiority. It would be highly amusing to watch."
"Ooohh!" Arcee threw a piece of soap at Perceptor who dodged it
effortlessly.
Roddy walked in the door just in time to see the soap propelled
across the room. "Arcee?!"
"What?!" she snapped back.
"Springer called, the jury's back. What's going on in here?"
"Nothing!" Arcee said as she hurried past him and out the door.
"Georgita?" asked Roddy turning to look at his wife.
"You heard her. Nothing." said Georgita, following Arcee out of
the toilet quickly.
"Perceptor?" asked a rather flustered Roddy.
The CD player sitting on the far end of the sink transformed.
Soundaine ejected a CD. "I got it all on CD if you want to hear it."
Roddy snatched the CD from her hand and stormed off.
"He'll play it," commented Soundaine.
"Absolutely." replied Perceptor.
Back in the courtroom the judge addressed the jury. "Have you reached
a verdict?"
Arcee smiled at Hauler to raise his confidence.
The first juror stood. "We find the defendant, not guilty."
Hauler let out a sigh of relief and shook Springer and Arcee's
hands.
But the Judge was not finished, "Feed him to the Sharkticons."
"What?" said Arcee suddenly on her feat.
"We must protest this outrageous sentence," said Springer.
"Silence or you will be held in contempt of this court."
Arcee muttered "I have nothing but contempt for this court. I
knew we'd have bad luck with a Quintesson judge."
The Quintesson bailiff directed Hauler towards the middle of the
court. There, two panels in the floor had retracted revealing a huge
pit, at the bottom of which was a pool of Sharkticons. Hauler was lead
on to a plank that promptly fell away.
Springer shook his head. "Not the end I'd wish for that." Then he
took a moment.
Arcee caught a glimpse of the Dancing Wheelie standing at the
edge of the pit, watching Hauler fall.
"OGGA CHAKA! The case is won, no mean feat,
"OGGA CHAKA! but now the sharks have Hauler to eat."
Arcee stood up. Walked over and kicked the Dancing Wheelie into
the pit. Turning away with a smile, she transformed and rolled out,
music blaring from her stereo.
"I've been driving down this road walkin' the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide
Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring,
Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing,
I've been searchin' my spark tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine my headlights
To find my way back home."
THE END.