Need some help and guidance for my friend
Jordan Alves
know whos just turned 16 a few weeks ago and is probably one of my closest
friends. However, lately things have been revealed that have worried me and
other friends. She is dating this guy....nothing wrong you might add. The
guys a good 15-20 years OLDER. Now we have tried to persuade her otherwise
and have been unsuccessful so we basically just tried to support her but
still a bit worried. Keep reading, this isnt even the worse part. A week ago
they started secretly finding an aparttment for themselves, and she planned
to leave and move in whilst her mother was on vacation (the mother doesnt
know btw)and drop out of skool . This was bad enough as we were shocked and
have continuously tried to persuade her otherwise with no avail. Now, he
just proposed. She said yes. This was it. Me and my friends are deswperate
and wanna try and tell her that its wrong. She says she loves him and
likewise with him, but they met cos he was going out with a relative of hers
who shes close to and asically had an affair type thing.
We think its ridiculous as the guy has a kid already and she has the rest of
her life ahead of her.
Please help. We dont know what to do. ANY \help is greatly appreciated.
Thanx.
Mario Melendez Esquivel
>We think its ridiculous as the guy has a kid already and she has the rest of
>her life ahead of her.
> Please help. We dont know what to do. ANY \help is greatly appreciated.
Well, put it to her this way: if she gets married to this guy, five years
from now she'll be watching all her friends date one guy after another.
She'll eventually start wondering what it would have been like to say no to
the proposal and carry out her life normally, except she won't be able to
satisfy her curiosity. Is she really willing to give all that up for a guy
who's 20 years older than her?
--
//\/\ario //\/\elendez
ti2...@email.com
Dani and his Watusi Warrior Drums
(Mario Melendez Esquivel) decided to proclaim:
If she really loves him... yes
---
Dani
Do you like my acid rock?
ICQ# 33558891
Fruitcake
with a 49-year-old man. They were 19 and 51 respectively when they first appeared
on the show. Did an update with them about four years later and she was pregnant
with their third kid and they were still happily married. She'd had to give up her
family for him as they didn't agree with it, but they seemed content enough.
'Course, I always wonder what one can really believe on talk shows anyway.
*shrug*
Dani and his Watusi Warrior Drums wrote:
> Jordan Alves:
~PhOeNiX***StArDuSt~
love conquers all. (oohhh, new quote )
--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Red Bull Gives You WIIINNGGSS!!!
"You have an appetite for shopping that
is as insatiable as your lust for men =-)"-Coderz*
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Fruitcake" <sm...@l.eck> wrote in message news:3AC97694...@l.eck...
kla...@alt-teens.org
>Jordan Alves:
> Please help. We dont know what to do. ANY \help is greatly appreciated.
>Thanx.
klaatu:
don't know if another perspective will help,
but at least it can't hurt.
>Jordan Alves:
>I need some help and guidance please to advise a friend.
>Theres this girl i know whos just turned 16 a few weeks ago
>and is probably one of my closest friends.
>However, lately things have been revealed
>that have worried me and other friends.
>She is dating this guy....nothing wrong you might add.
>The guys a good 15-20 years OLDER.
>Now we have tried to persuade her otherwise and have been unsuccessful
>so we basically just tried to support her but still a bit worried.
klaatu:
i've no advice, but only context which may be useful -
your situation is not so unusual:
||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||
>Subject: Re: A Question to all: 19yr old guy and 15 yr old girl
>Date: Sat, 19 Feb 2000 17:57:28 GMT
>>JJJ wrote: Hi all!
>>Please, I need some opinions.
>>What do you think about a 19Yr old guy going out with a 15 Yr old girl???
>>I live in Australia, and of those I have asked, I've had about a 50:50 reaction.
>>Please let me know what you think . . .
>>Thanx,
>klaatu:
>For perspective : On 11 July 1998
>I attended an uncle's 20th mating anniversary.
>He's fifty. She's twenty-eight.
>when they started sharing a bed, he was thirty, and she was eight.
>
>He spoke of his joy in her companionship. She said:
>
> "I thank you who advised me against him, twenty years ago;
> I thank God for the good sense to ignore you all. Let's eat. "
||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||
klaatu:
they're still together, and still happy.
they have a kid a year old.
>Jordan Alves:
>Keep reading, this isnt even the worse part.
>A week ago they started secretly finding an aparttment for themselves,
>and she planned to leave and move in whilst her mother was on vacation
>(the mother doesnt know btw) and drop out of skool .
klaatu:
i had adult lovers as a child.
i was happy with my choices, then.
i'm happy with my choices, now.
friends tried to change my mind as well.
i appreciated that they meant me well, but they didn't understand
that for every old one who likes kids,
there's some kid who like fossils.
it's our nature.
not only that, but there are people who are 'age-blind'
in the same manner some people are colour-blind.
that's me, though i tended to go for older folks by default,
because most kids my age
didn't have the attention-span to really converse.
>Jordan Alves:
>This was bad enough as we were shocked
>and have continuously tried to persuade her otherwise with no avail.
klaatu:
sounds like me, and others i know.
if she IS like us, continuing to try will not change her,
it's more likely to cause her drop you out of her life.
people get boring, then irritating, then infuriating,
until finally one tells them to go away,
and begins to avoid places they'll be.
>Jordan Alves:
>Now, he just proposed. She said yes. This was it.
>Me and my friends are deswperate and wanna try and tell her that its wrong.
>She says she loves him and likewise with him,
>but they met cos he was going out with a relative of hers who shes close to
>and asically had an affair type thing.
>We think its ridiculous as the guy has a kid already
>and she has the rest of her life ahead of her.
klaatu:
with respect,
it may help to quit thinking in terms of whether you can change her,
and decide whether you can accept her and her lover as friends.
even if you could persuade her,
by forcing her to choose between your companionship and his,
you may drive a wedge between you by trying to coerce her at all.
her memory of it might be that she could have had a very good thing,
but that you did what you could to wreck her happiness -
forced her to choose between her love and your friendship
when she knows she could have both, if you co-operated.
it could easily sound like claiming ownership -
"you're ours - he can't have you"
complicated by the fact that she wants him.
saying it would have been a disaster won't work.
you can't know that.
it's an excuse - nobody knows the future.
even if you were right, the joy she gets
may be worth the time spent to her,
although the relationship may come unstuck later.
saying she SHOULDN'T do it - because YOU don't like it -
may tell her you think her life is your toy to play with -
that is, even if she could be happy wih this guy,
you'd wreck it because how it looks to you
is more important than her happiness.
ultimately it rests on what one considers a friend to be.
for my lot, nobody who tries to twist us to their will
could ever be a friend.
a ten-year-old said it thus:
" Look - if you see me about to step off a cliff, tell me -
THAT's a friend warning a friend.
that's a ONE-TIME thing.
If I WANT to step off it, that's my business.
oxo-X>*<X-oxo
you sound like you really care about her.
best of luck to the lot of you.
donawanaa
<babygir...@dcsinter.net> wrote:
>I think she should go for it. It wouldn't be my personal choice, but yeah--
>love conquers all. (oohhh, new quote )
and a goody, by golly =0)
donawanaa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We have nothing to fear but fear ourselves -- St. Stupid
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NetGuy of Waveland
<kla...@alt-teens.org> wrote in message
news:3af31060....@news1.lig.bellsouth.net...
Whom? The 15-19 the, um, 30-8..... or the 50:50 (I shoulndn't post after I
wake)
> >Jordan Alves:
> >Keep reading, this isnt even the worse part.
> >A week ago they started secretly finding an aparttment for themselves,
> >and she planned to leave and move in whilst her mother was on vacation
> >(the mother doesnt know btw) and drop out of skool .
>
> klaatu:
> i had adult lovers as a child.
> i was happy with my choices, then.
> i'm happy with my choices, now.
>
> friends tried to change my mind as well.
It's your choice, eh?
> i appreciated that they meant me well, but they didn't understand
> that for every old one who likes kids,
> there's some kid who like fossils.
> it's our nature.
>
> not only that, but there are people who are 'age-blind'
> in the same manner some people are colour-blind.
I'm totally blind.... exept for the eysight
> that's me, though i tended to go for older folks by default,
> because most kids my age
> didn't have the attention-span to really converse.
I hear that..... most of the time it doesn't seem to help when they get
older either
--
"All of those people should be turned into pie" - NetGuy
ICQ: 41184142 Aol: geonetguy7 Yahoo: The_netguy MSN: The_n...@hotmail.com
http://home.talkcity.com/ChaplinCt/the_netguy/
http://alt.romance.teen2.welcome.to/
"Baby check this out I've got something to say, but it's so loud in here!
When they stop the drum machine and I can think again, I'll remember what
it was" - J. Linnell
kla...@alt-teens.org
>> >klaatu:
>> >For perspective : On 11 July 1998
>> >I attended an uncle's 20th mating anniversary.
>> >He's fifty. She's twenty-eight.
>> >when they started sharing a bed, he was thirty, and she was eight.
>> >
>> >He spoke of his joy in her companionship. She said:
>> >
>> > "I thank you who advised me against him, twenty years ago;
>> > I thank God for the good sense to ignore you all. Let's eat. "
>>
>> ||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||-xUx-||
>>
>> klaatu:
>> they're still together, and still happy.
>> they have a kid a year old.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Whom? The 15-19 the, um, 30-8..... or the 50:50
H>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<H
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Rumour Control Bulletin.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
the 15/19 couple reportedly became parents of a girl 01 April 2000.
Informed sources say they named her Caravaggio...
(because she was conceived on an Italian scooter during rush hour).
the other pair follow their custom
of letting the kid choose it's own name
when/if the child feels need of one.
in such cases, the Naming Celebration may be delayed;
the father has yet to take a permanent name, himself.
relatives urged him to name himself Wolfgang -
they:
" You look like Mozart, at your age."
he:
" When Mozart was my age, he'd been stone dead four years."
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>(I shoulndn't post after I wake)
klaatu:
consider how it'll read, if you post BEFORE you wake....
>> >Jordan Alves:
>> >Keep reading, this isnt even the worse part.
>> >A week ago they started secretly finding an aparttment for themselves,
>> >and she planned to leave and move in whilst her mother was on vacation
>> >(the mother doesnt know btw) and drop out of skool .
>> klaatu:
>> i had adult lovers as a child.
>> i was happy with my choices, then.
>> i'm happy with my choices, now.
>>
>> friends tried to change my mind as well.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>It's your choice, eh?
klaatu:
yup.
when everybody else was running my life,
they ALL thought they knew what was best for me, better than i did.
they all had more experience than me.
they all had more education than me.
they all meant well, i think.
they were all wrong.
nobody's EVER made a decision about my life
which satisfied me better than my own.
best decision i ever made was to listen to everybody's view,
but follow nobody's plan but my own.
life's been improving for me steadily ever since.
>> klaatu:
>> i appreciated that they meant me well, but they didn't understand
>> that for every old one who likes kids,
>> there's some kid who like fossils.
>> it's our nature.
>>
>> not only that, but there are people who are 'age-blind'
>> in the same manner some people are colour-blind.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>I'm totally blind.... exept for the eysight
klaatu:
yay, NetGuy - benisons upon thee !
>> klaatu:
>> that's me, though i tended to go for older folks by default,
>> because most kids my age
>> didn't have the attention-span to really converse.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>I hear that..... most of the time it doesn't seem to help
>when they get older either
klaatu:
well said ! :-)
interesting observation.
especially so, since it paraphrases a very old guy i knew.
he said almost all of the people he knew from three years old
stayed much the same throughout their lives.
he'd know - he outlived almost every-one he grew up with.
school-yard bullies grew up seeking jobs
which give them power over other people.
tattle-tales became office gossips, back-stabbers,
who could do their damage without facing anyone directly.
kids who were capable of being good friends were so,
and when *they* had kids, it showed;
others became parents thinking kids are an up-grade on Barbie-dolls;
that showed, too.
meanwhile, the people who get all the useful stuff done in the world
avoided them as best they could,
found useful things to do, and did them.
he told me the only thing he regretted
was allowing people who loved him to change his mind,
when they thought he was making unwise decisions.
thanx, NetGuy - you echo some-one i trust a lot.
NetGuy of Waveland
<kla...@alt-teens.org> wrote in message
news:3adb6ac8....@news1.lig.bellsouth.net...
>
> >> >klaatu:
> >> they're still together, and still happy.
> >> they have a kid a year old.
>
> >NetGuy of Waveland:
> >Whom? The 15-19 the, um, 30-8..... or the 50:50
>
> H>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<H
> .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Rumour Control Bulletin.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
>
> the 15/19 couple reportedly became parents of a girl 01 April 2000.
> Informed sources say they named her Caravaggio...
> (because she was conceived on an Italian scooter during rush hour).
Mui bein!
> the other pair follow their custom
> of letting the kid choose it's own name
> when/if the child feels need of one.
>
> in such cases, the Naming Celebration may be delayed;
> the father has yet to take a permanent name, himself.
>
> relatives urged him to name himself Wolfgang -
>
> they:
> " You look like Mozart, at your age."
>
> he:
> " When Mozart was my age, he'd been stone dead four years."
Muhahahaha!
> >NetGuy of Waveland:
> >(I shoulndn't post after I wake)
>
> klaatu:
> consider how it'll read, if you post BEFORE you wake....
In deep sleep, I'm deep!
> >> >Jordan Alves:
> >> >Keep reading, this isnt even the worse part.
> >> >A week ago they started secretly finding an aparttment for themselves,
> >> >and she planned to leave and move in whilst her mother was on vacation
> >> >(the mother doesnt know btw) and drop out of skool .
>
> >> klaatu:
> >> i had adult lovers as a child.
> >> i was happy with my choices, then.
> >> i'm happy with my choices, now.
> >>
> >> friends tried to change my mind as well.
>
> >NetGuy of Waveland:
> >It's your choice, eh?
>
> klaatu:
> yup.
> when everybody else was running my life,
> they ALL thought they knew what was best for me, better than i did.
> they all had more experience than me.
> they all had more education than me.
> they all meant well, i think.
<---- Same Boat, er dingie
> they were all wrong.
>
> nobody's EVER made a decision about my life
> which satisfied me better than my own.
amen, now if I weren't so lazy....
> best decision i ever made was to listen to everybody's view,
> but follow nobody's plan but my own.
Save time, ignore them :)
> life's been improving for me steadily ever since.
Super
> >> klaatu:
> >> i appreciated that they meant me well, but they didn't understand
> >> that for every old one who likes kids,
> >> there's some kid who like fossils.
> >> it's our nature.
> >>
> >> not only that, but there are people who are 'age-blind'
> >> in the same manner some people are colour-blind.
>
> >NetGuy of Waveland:
> >I'm totally blind.... exept for the eysight
>
> klaatu:
> yay, NetGuy - benisons upon thee !
Where are you? *Runs into wall*
> >> klaatu:
> >> that's me, though i tended to go for older folks by default,
> >> because most kids my age
> >> didn't have the attention-span to really converse.
>
> >NetGuy of Waveland:
> >I hear that..... most of the time it doesn't seem to help
> >when they get older either
>
> klaatu:
> well said ! :-)
> interesting observation.
> especially so, since it paraphrases a very old guy i knew.
> he said almost all of the people he knew from three years old
> stayed much the same throughout their lives.
I like to "Observate", If in Highlander, I'd be a watcher, specificly
Methos... um, yea. I see very few change, I feel it best not to get pounded
into a rut though
> he'd know - he outlived almost every-one he grew up with.
>
> school-yard bullies grew up seeking jobs
> which give them power over other people.
>
> tattle-tales became office gossips, back-stabbers,
> who could do their damage without facing anyone directly.
>
> kids who were capable of being good friends were so,
> and when *they* had kids, it showed;
> others became parents thinking kids are an up-grade on Barbie-dolls;
> that showed, too.
>
> meanwhile, the people who get all the useful stuff done in the world
> avoided them as best they could,
> found useful things to do, and did them.
>
> he told me the only thing he regretted
> was allowing people who loved him to change his mind,
> when they thought he was making unwise decisions.
Makes the world tick I guess....
> thanx, NetGuy - you echo some-one i trust a lot.
No problem-o
kla...@alt-teens.org
>> >> >klaatu:
>> >> they're still together, and still happy.
>> >> they have a kid a year old.
>> >NetGuy of Waveland:
>> >Whom? The 15-19 the, um, 30-8..... or the 50:50
>>
>> H>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<HOH>X<H
>> .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Rumour Control Bulletin.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
>>
>> the 15/19 couple reportedly became parents of a girl 01 April 2000.
>> Informed sources say they named her Caravaggio...
>> (because she was conceived on an Italian scooter during rush hour).
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Mui bein!
Eavesdropper:
The scooter? The girl? ... - fergit it - mox nix ....<bustles off>
>>klaatu:
>> the other pair follow their custom
>> of letting the kid choose it's own name
>> when/if the child feels need of one.
>>
>> in such cases, the Naming Celebration may be delayed;
>> the father has yet to take a permanent name, himself.
>>
>> relatives urged him to name himself Wolfgang -
>>
>> they:
>> " You look like Mozart, at your age."
>>
>> he:
>> " When Mozart was my age, he'd been stone dead four years."
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Muhahahaha!
Mozart:
actually, I just LOOKED like i'd been dead four years -
(you'd never beleeeve the hangover i had) ....
>> >NetGuy of Waveland:
>> >(I shoulndn't post after I wake)
>> klaatu:
>> consider how it'll read, if you post BEFORE you wake....
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>In deep sleep, I'm deep!
klaatu:
sounds like a good time to do it :-)
>> >> >Jordan Alves:
>> >> >Keep reading, this isnt even the worse part.
>> >> >A week ago they started secretly finding an aparttment for themselves,
>> >> >and she planned to leave and move in whilst her mother was on vacation
>> >> >(the mother doesnt know btw) and drop out of skool .
>> >> klaatu:
>> >> i had adult lovers as a child.
>> >> i was happy with my choices, then.
>> >> i'm happy with my choices, now.
>> >>
>> >> friends tried to change my mind as well.
>> >NetGuy of Waveland:
>> >It's your choice, eh?
>> klaatu:
>> yup.
>> when everybody else was running my life,
>> they ALL thought they knew what was best for me, better than i did.
>> they all had more experience than me.
>> they all had more education than me.
>> they all meant well, i think.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
><---- Same Boat, er dingie
klaatu:
aye, cap'n;
i thought perhaps you might be familiar with those waters.
>> klaatu:
>> they were all wrong.
>>
>> nobody's EVER made a decision about my life
>> which satisfied me better than my own.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>amen, now if I weren't so lazy....
Ogden Nash:
Consider the plight of the ant, illustrious
For constant industry industrious:
So, would YOU be calm and placid,
If you were filled with formic acid?
>> klaatu:
>> best decision i ever made was to listen to everybody's view,
>> but follow nobody's plan but my own.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Save time, ignore them :)
klaatu <bows respectfully>:
best plan yet.
>>klaatu:
>> life's been improving for me steadily ever since.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Super
klaatu:
ja, 'tis - been enjoying my natural ass off.
i'm developing a technique - sort of like an athlete
developing a sequence of steps for getting over a high-jump.
i copy critters who really know how to luxuriate,
like cats and babies.
those li'l jokers know how to wring grinly satisfaction out of stuff -
watched one get more jollies out of a simple stretch
than most folks get out of a new car or some such.
i realize it may be awhile before "groovin" becomes an Olympic event,
but i'm gonna be ready....
>> >> klaatu:
>> >> i appreciated that they meant me well, but they didn't understand
>> >> that for every old one who likes kids,
>> >> there's some kid who like fossils.
>> >> it's our nature.
>> >>
>> >> not only that, but there are people who are 'age-blind'
>> >> in the same manner some people are colour-blind.
>> >NetGuy of Waveland:
>> >I'm totally blind.... exept for the eysight
>> klaatu:
>> yay, NetGuy - benisons upon thee !
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Where are you? *Runs into wall*
<lol>
>> >> klaatu:
>> >> that's me, though i tended to go for older folks by default,
>> >> because most kids my age
>> >> didn't have the attention-span to really converse.
>> >NetGuy of Waveland:
>> >I hear that..... most of the time it doesn't seem to help
>> >when they get older either
>> klaatu:
>> well said ! :-)
>> interesting observation.
>> especially so, since it paraphrases a very old guy i knew.
>> he said almost all of the people he knew from three years old
>> stayed much the same throughout their lives.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>I like to "Observate", If in Highlander, I'd be a watcher,
>specificly Methos...
klaatu:
outstanding -
what a wish-dream; to have that much history in one's head !
that's the part i like best
about concepts of both Immortals and Vampires.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>um, yea. I see very few change,
>I feel it best not to get pounded into a rut though.
klaatu:
i'm still trying to figure out why it is some people i know
have menopausal attitudes at 7, and others don't have them at 90.
i wish there was something - anything -
really predictable about humans.
as a class, i don't like or trust adults.
they've too much power over kids, and most are too willing to use it -
hell of an attitude for some-one who was turned on to adults
from four years old.
thing is, i found myself invariably attracted to adults
who think like kids -
they've been the most trustworthy friends i've had,
and from all i can figure, what caused me to love them
was already part of their personalities as tiny children.
i like a good simple "infant outlook" -
" treat me kindly and nothing else matters " -
but past infancy it gets rarer with age.
the ones who kept it (and gained wisdom to make it better),
seem to have made some decision about life
too subtle to name, too young to remember.
*that's* the type that turned me right on.
it's inconvenient as a bastard if they're four or five times one's age
but it's only inconvenient because of censorious meddlers,
who are usually bitter, old and loathsome,
but more often than not, they were that way as children.
you see it oft right here in this ng.
it's the difference between folk who come here to learn or play,
and those who find some excuse to stab at some-one else
(like the guy with the anus-fixation who hassles CalPup,
or that lot who make a thing of telling people their music sucks).
very strange critters, people....
- oX>o<Xo - oX>o<Xo - oX||>-X-<||Xo - oX>o<Xo - oX>o<Xo -
>> klaatu:
>> he'd know - he outlived almost every-one he grew up with.
>>
>> school-yard bullies grew up seeking jobs
>> which give them power over other people.
>>
>> tattle-tales became office gossips, back-stabbers,
>> who could do their damage without facing anyone directly.
>>
>> kids who were capable of being good friends were so,
>> and when *they* had kids, it showed;
>> others became parents thinking kids are an up-grade on Barbie-dolls;
>> that showed, too.
>>
>> meanwhile, the people who get all the useful stuff done in the world
>> avoided them as best they could,
>> found useful things to do, and did them.
>>
>> he told me the only thing he regretted
>> was allowing people who loved him to change his mind,
>> when they thought he was making unwise decisions.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>Makes the world tick I guess....
klaatu:
wonder if it's about to go off....
>- oX>o<Xo - oX>o<Xo - oX||>-X-<||Xo - oX>o<Xo - oX>o<Xo -
>> klaatu:
>> thanx, NetGuy - you echo some-one i trust a lot.
>NetGuy of Waveland:
>No problem-o
klaatu:
cheers !