all-time stupid luser
Mark Beaudry
It would have to be the old man who called me up the other day for help.
Here is how it went...
me: Mark speaking, how may I help you?
him: yes, I'm having troubles with my Windows 95 connection...
me:ok sir, I'm just going to verify some of your network settings, alright?
him:ok
me:ok sir, I want you to click on your Start button at the bottom left hand
corner of your screen, go to Settings, and then go to Control Panel.
him:uhhhhhhhh.....do I have to turn on my computer for that...
You can guess how the rest of the conversation went...
Markis...
Bill
>
> You can guess how the rest of the conversation went...
>
> Markis...
>
It gets worse ! Get ready for next week when he calls back to ask if he
has to be connected to get his E-mail.
Bill B
Cary B. Abend
Mark Beaudry (beau...@cyberbeach.net) wrote:
[Deletia]
: You can guess how the rest of the conversation went...
Nah.
Several "big winners" have made it to "folklore" status 'round here. We
like to save these stories to frighten the new bobs.
One client (long ago) asked if we could install "The Internet for
Windows." on the machine.
Cary
--
"And by all rights, I could nail your head to the table, set you on fire,
and feed your carcass to the Pak'ma'ra. But ours is an imperfect world."
-- Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5, "Epiphanies" (#407, 2/10/97)
Cary B. Abend, System Specialist, GWU
ca...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu
A Cajun In Phoenix
Mark Beaudry wrote:
>
> It would have to be the old man who called me up the other day for help.
> Here is how it went...
>
> me: Mark speaking, how may I help you?
> him: yes, I'm having troubles with my Windows 95 connection...
> me:ok sir, I'm just going to verify some of your network settings, alright?
> him:ok
> me:ok sir, I want you to click on your Start button at the bottom left hand
> corner of your screen, go to Settings, and then go to Control Panel.
> him:uhhhhhhhh.....do I have to turn on my computer for that...
>
>
Markis,
That one's up there with the luser that called one of my co-workers this
morning
because she couldn't figure out whether her computer was on (and she's
one of the
people that are getting the top-of-the-line $4,000+ machines on their
desks).
Prodicle Cajun
Me
In article <01bc37cc$adf98c00$aac9...@sniper.cyberbeach.net>,
beau...@cyberbeach.net says...
>
>It would have to be the old man who called me up the other day for
help.
>Here is how it went...
>
>me: Mark speaking, how may I help you?
>him: yes, I'm having troubles with my Windows 95 connection...
>me:ok sir, I'm just going to verify some of your network settings,
alright?
>him:ok
>me:ok sir, I want you to click on your Start button at the bottom left
hand
>corner of your screen, go to Settings, and then go to Control Panel.
>him:uhhhhhhhh.....do I have to turn on my computer for that...
>
>You can guess how the rest of the conversation went...
Well... Normally we don't even do software, but a fellow bob(ette) of
mine decided to help this guy out...
guy: I am having a problem with (suchnsuch) word processor.
Bobette: What's happening?
guy: it wont go down...
Bobette: Push the down arrow key..
Guy: doesnt help...
Bobette: Okay, Press enter....
Guy YES... Thank you SOOO much...
He seemed to be really happy with his new found ability, and it was the
concensus among us that he was most likely wigged out on some sort of
pretty heavy narcotic...
--
========================================================
= James Mckay | =
= jell...@pobox.com | Yield to Temptation, =
= PGP Public key available | It may not pass your =
= At http://www.pgp.com | way again - L. Long =
-----------------------|-----------|--------------------
= There mouths were | A | And so began the =
= Open, but the only | WARNING | Quest for an end =
= Sound was blasphemy |TO SPAMMERS| To their roaring =
-----------------------|-----------|--------------------
= Spammers will be reported to their service providers =
= And blacklisted. =
========================================================
Jasper O'Malley
ca...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Cary B. Abend) writes:
>One client (long ago) asked if we could install "The Internet for
>Windows." on the machine.
You *almost* can't blame them when those greedy code-slaughtering bastards
at Micro$uck stick an icon called "The Internet" right on the Winblows '95
desktop.
Cheers,
Mick
--
The Reverend Jasper P. O'Malley dotdot:jo...@webspan.net
Freelance Crackerjack ringring:1800fubared
SEND HELP woowoo:http://www.webspan.net/~jooji
Ned Brickley
All time stupid luser? How about the one I had this morning. I'm just
getting comfortable reading all the important news froups, (ASR and
ATSR), when the first call of the day arrives.
Me: "Isp.net
Stupid Luser: "Hi! I'm stupid!"
(No arguing with that!)
Then he goes on to tell me just how stupid he is, and what a stupid
thing he had done. Seems he had somehow or other hit the uninstall for
Netscape PE and blown out the program. And he doesn't have the copy he
used to get set up. He didn't even know how to move a file from his
hard drive to his A: drive.
I told him he should get a new copy of NPE and call back.
"It's trivial to make fun of Microsoft products, but it takes a real man
to make them work, and a god to make them do anything useful"
- Anonymous
they got purple; purple's a fruit
Blah blah blah, Ned Brickley, <trav...@empire.net>, blah:
>
> Me: "Isp.net
>
> Stupid Luser: "Hi! I'm stupid!"
> (No arguing with that!)
>
> Then he goes on to tell me just how stupid he is, and what a stupid
> thing he had done. Seems he had somehow or other hit the uninstall for
> Netscape PE and blown out the program. And he doesn't have the copy he
> used to get set up. He didn't even know how to move a file from his
> hard drive to his A: drive.
> I told him he should get a new copy of NPE and call back.
So I'm still wondering why he bothered to call you. Did he just need a
personal affirmation of his stupidity? I've had people like that before.
They're stranger than strange.
--
Spatch conducts top-secret experiments at http://error.net/~spatula
remove the X from my email address when replying. gads, i'm trendy.
"Do you find my method acting unsound?" "I see no acting at all."
mstie#43790
Cary B. Abend
Jasper O'Malley (jo...@orion.webspan.net) wrote:
: ca...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Cary B. Abend) writes:
: >One client (long ago) asked if we could install "The Internet for
: >Windows." on the machine.
: You *almost* can't blame them when those greedy code-slaughtering bastards
: at Micro$uck stick an icon called "The Internet" right on the Winblows '95
: desktop.
Sure I can. And I will. And I do.
:)
Sean OConnell
they got purple; purple's a fruit (spa...@underground.error.neXt) wrote:
: Blah blah blah, Ned Brickley, <trav...@empire.net>, blah:
[Luser uninstalls Netscape. Doesn't have installation program. Calls in to
say how stupid he is.]
:
: So I'm still wondering why he bothered to call you. Did he just need a
: personal affirmation of his stupidity? I've had people like that before.
: They're stranger than strange.
Because they all "know" that every OS has an ultra-top-secret Undo feature
that will magically reverse whatever they've done to fuck up their system.
All they need to do is whine, plead, threaten, whatever enough until we
give in show them what it is.
Sean
--
Another painful day in BOHICAville
C. Sanjayan Rosenmund
Sean OConnell wrote:
<snip>
> Because they all "know" that every OS has an ultra-top-secret Undo feature
> that will magically reverse whatever they've done to fuck up their system.
> All they need to do is whine, plead, threaten, whatever enough until we
> give in show them what it is.
>
format c:/u
<g>
Sanjay
tramseeladnohr
In article <garner-0404...@ptp53.praxis.net>,
gar...@net21.com.REMOVE.CAPS.TO.SEND.EMAIL says...
[snip]
: It's a slash, people. The Backslash is the unusual one. :-)
:
If I hear one more luser ask me, "slash? or backslash?" when I say slash,
I am gonna slash someone!
And while I am at it, if one more luser says "bear with me" I am gonna go
dow to the zoo and get one for them. And maybe slash them too, just for
annoying me!
--
rls,
barenaked in san diego
http://www.concentric.net/~adnohr/
"Can anyone hear me?" "I hear you!" <--still makes me laugh
______________________________<*>______________________________
Garner Miller
In article <5i1til$f...@news.innet.com>, sha...@gumby.com (Shadow) wrote:
> Then you have to explain the difference between / and \
You can always tell a DOS/Windows person on the other end when you hear
them say what they're typing:
"OK, so I type http <colon> <forward-slash> <forward-slash> ..."
It's a slash, people. The Backslash is the unusual one. :-)
--
Garner R. Miller, Flight Instructor
Hawthorne Aviation - Ocala, Florida
FAA Aviation Safety Counselor
Remove the capital letters after ".com" to send me e-mail.
News articles containing HTML code will be mocked mercilessly.
Peter
In article <garner-0404...@ptp53.praxis.net>,
Garner Miller <gar...@net21.com.REMOVE.CAPS.TO.SEND.EMAIL> wrote:
> You can always tell a DOS/Windows person on the other end when you hear
> them say what they're typing:
>
> "OK, so I type http <colon> <forward-slash> <forward-slash> ..."
My DOS lusers call it a "reverse backslash."
*slash*
--
____________________________
Peter Gildea
Network Operations
Best Internet Communications
Ina Faye-Lund
>>>>> "tramseeladnohr" == tramseeladnohr <adn...@usa.net> writes:
tramseeladnohr> If I hear one more luser ask me, "slash? or
tramseeladnohr> backslash?" when I say slash, I am gonna slash
tramseeladnohr> someone!
Oh, how about "backslash" when they mean "at"?
I had a luser who gave his email-address as:
"lusername slash isp dot number"
So I told him that was wrong; it's not number, but no, and it means
Norway. "Oh, I _meant_ that, but I thought it meant number..."
Then I told him that he had to use the @ instead of a \. "Well, I
call it backslash, and you're just trying to be difficult..."
Yeah, right...
Or the guy who had problems with his mailserver. I told him we don't
do support on mailservers, and he got angry. "But it says here that I
should call you...<whine whine whine>"
He _did_ mean his email program, and he bitched about me
misunderstanding on purpose.
*sigh*
I _have_ to get my crystal ball fixed...
--
IFL
Computers have feelings too
King Kamehameha
In article <5i3ttc$7gd$1...@pestilence.noc.best.net>,
pe...@pestilence.noc.best.net (Peter) wrote:
>In article <garner-0404...@ptp53.praxis.net>,
>Garner Miller <gar...@net21.com.REMOVE.CAPS.TO.SEND.EMAIL> wrote:
>
>> You can always tell a DOS/Windows person on the other end when you hear
>> them say what they're typing:
>>
>> "OK, so I type http <colon> <forward-slash> <forward-slash> ..."
>
>My DOS lusers call it a "reverse backslash."
>
>*slash*
>
>
Virgule. That's the proper name for the character below the question mark on
an IBM PC-type keyboard. Haven't figured out the name for the backslash, it
doesn't exist in my stylebook. Reverse virgule? Back Virgule? Retro-virgule?
virgule \ver-gyul\ n : a mark / used typically to denote "or" (as in and/or)
or "per" (as in feet/second) (C) 1995 Zane Publishing, Inc. The
Merriam-Webster Dictionary (C) 1994 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated
Matt
--
################################
# The things we do # Reply to: #
# to avoid spam. # ke6alm #
# die.evil.spambot.#.@loop.com #
################################
Bobcode: KHtd luHo E!(ECSd) m2 CPEVWc B-73 Od LmM Ss++C++++++ T-- A6AT H9omec b20
Mark
Garner Miller wrote:
>
> In article <5i1til$f...@news.innet.com>, sha...@gumby.com (Shadow) wrote:
>
> > Then you have to explain the difference between / and \
>
> them say what they're typing:
>
> "OK, so I type http <colon> <forward-slash> <forward-slash> ..."
>
>
I love talking to DOS people. DOS generally takes at least HALF a brain
to use...
My fave is "What's a colon?"
IT'S UP YOUR ASS ALONG WITH YOUR HEAD!!!
Just once I want to say that. I know I really can't wait until my last
day here, maybe right after I've won the lottery.
But then my employer might sue me. That just wouldn't be any fun at all.
Mark...
Steve Tursi
The instructor at a seminar I once attended was calling forward slashed
"whacks" and back slashes "backs". I've used that in several tech support
calls and the caller usually gets it once I explain it to them (although
they commonly type out the word "whack").
It really comes in handy when I want to read a URL (http://www.yahoo.com/
would be read as h t t p colon whack whack w w w dot y a h o o dot c o m
whack... (:
Garner Miller wrote in article ...
>> Then you have to explain the difference between / and \
>
>You can always tell a DOS/Windows person on the other end when you hear
>them say what they're typing:
>
>"OK, so I type http <colon> <forward-slash> <forward-slash> ..."
>
>
>
>It's a slash, people. The Backslash is the unusual one. :-)
>
>--
Blake Winton
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
In a burst of unprecedented eloquence Ryan
<r...@ultranet.com> wrote:
> >It really comes in handy when I want to read a URL (http://www.yahoo.com/
> At the risk of providing potentially useful information, why not just leave
> off the http:// part? Most current browsers no longer require it to reach
> the page.
Cause then it's not a URL?
Cause malformed URLs are the latest scourge of the marketing world?
Cause Netscape only requires "yahoo", so why would you bother with
all the rest of the RFC-compliant stuff?
Just cause!
Later,
Blake "and that's `%7E`, NOT `~`, pilgrim..." Winton.
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Comment: Mail me with 'GET PGP KEY' as the subject for my pgp key.
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Roger D. Cook
Ryan <r...@ultranet.com> didst once bespeak us, saying:
[don't tell 'em http://]
Who says Joe Luser has a current browser?
"Yeah, I have.. Uh.. Mosaic 0.9b? No, I don't want to upgrade, I like this
one!"
roger
Stig Sandbeck Mathisen
>>>>> "BW" == Blake Winton <bwinton> writes:
BW> Cause then it's not a URL? Cause malformed URLs are the latest
BW> scourge of the marketing world? Cause Netscape only requires
BW> "yahoo", so why would you bother with all the rest of the
BW> RFC-compliant stuff?
<LART TARGET="marketing">
*WHACK*, *WHACK*, *WHACK*, [...], *WHACK*, *WHACK*, *pant*, *pant*
</LART>
--
SSM
This space intentionally has nothing but text explaining why this
space has nothing but text explaining that this space would otherwise
have been left blank, and would otherwise have been left blank.
Ryan
In article <5ig913$6...@newsops.execpc.com>, "Steve Tursi" <ste...@yaf.com> wrote:
>The instructor at a seminar I once attended was calling forward slashed
>"whacks" and back slashes "backs". I've used that in several tech support
>calls and the caller usually gets it once I explain it to them (although
>they commonly type out the word "whack").
>
>whack... (:
At the risk of providing potentially useful information, why not just leave
off the http:// part? Most current browsers no longer require it to reach the
page.
Ryan
Tim Franklin
Lynx doesn't, which is reason enough in itself[0]. Also, it's just plain
incomplete without. Just because two mega-corps have decided that their
browsers fill in the same defaults for missing parts of URLs[1], doesn't
mean that any other software does.
By all means make use of it - I do[2] - but don't propogate poor syntax
and incomplete information.
Tim.
[0] "Ha ha, only serious".
[1] Currently. Which given how often M$ rewrite things to suit their own
nefarious plans means little.
[2] When I have a need to use one of the BloatBrowsers.
--
Tim Franklin t...@leaphome.demon.co.uk Powered by
http://www.flibble.org/~death Linux
E.
Tim Franklin <t...@leaphome.demon.co.uk> wrote:> Lynx doesn't,
Lynx does.
erisson:~> lynx -source aol | head -4
<!doctype html public "-//w3c//dtd html 3.2//en">
<html>
<title>Welcome to AOL</title>
erisson:~> lynx -source cogent | head -5
<!-- This html page and all its contents are Copyright 1996 Cogent
Software, Inc. -->
<!-- All rights reserved. -->
<!-- For more information, call (818) 585-2788 or email:
in...@cogent.net. -->
erisson:~> lynx -source irchelp | head -4
<HTML>
<HEAD>
<TITLE>
Internet Relay Chat (IRC) Help
erisson:~> lynx -source ucla | head -4
<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 3.2 Final//EN">
<html>
<head>
<title>UCLA Home Page</title>
That's a .com, a .net, a .org and a .edu, in that order.
> which is reason enough in itself[0].
Indeed. Lynx seems to adhere to the specs better than anything I've
seen. How's Opera?
> Also, it's just plain
> incomplete without.
Not a damn URL then, is it? It's a WORD. <grin>
-E
--
PGP Public Key Fingerprint: BE FC C5 FB 30 47 E5 5C DC DF C3 C0 AD A5 27 17
Homepage: http://www.primenet.com/~fnargle/erisson/ PGP Key available here
"Every day is like burning paper." --Slimebard
"You have *not* 'plonked' me!" --Mario1
E.
<sigh>
> why not just leave
> off the http:// part? Most current browsers no longer require it to reach the
> page.
Well, with my browser of choice[0], you don't heen the "http://" or the
"www." or even the ".com"/".org"/".net"/".edu". But then it's not a URL,
is it?
-E (not a big fan of breaking spec for *absolutely no reason*)
[0]: SSL, imagemaps, frames, cookies, color, and now this. The
lynx-dev folks need to be careful.
Ryan
That's usually when I throw in the trusty...
"Well, we only sell you access to the Internet. What you do with it is up to
you."
Ryan
Simon Oke
bwinto...@incontext.ca (Blake Winton) writes:
> In a burst of unprecedented eloquence Ryan
> <r...@ultranet.com> wrote:
> > At the risk of providing potentially useful information, why not just leave
> > off the http:// part? Most current browsers no longer require it to reach
> > the page.
>
> Cause then it's not a URL?
> Cause malformed URLs are the latest scourge of the marketing world?
> Cause Netscape only requires "yahoo", so why would you bother with
> all the rest of the RFC-compliant stuff?
Er... lynx can work it out from just 'yahoo' too...
Simon.
Mike Goumans
: > At the risk of providing potentially useful information, why not just leave
: > off the http:// part? Most current browsers no longer require it to reach the
: > page.
:
: Lynx doesn't, which is reason enough in itself[0]. Also, it's just plain
: incomplete without. Just because two mega-corps have decided that their
: browsers fill in the same defaults for missing parts of URLs[1], doesn't
: mean that any other software does.
:
: By all means make use of it - I do[2] - but don't propogate poor syntax
: and incomplete information.
:
Check you lynx2-7. Frame support redirection support and support for just typing in hostnames or even hostnames without www
and .something in front of them. itll try in order you specify in lynx.cfg until it finds one.
and thethrow a graphic up with xv if you have a $DISPLAY is also a pretty nice feature.
Mike
Oh excuse the 132 columns. i didnt notice until now and im real lazy so i didnt fix it. everyone should run 132 columns anyways.
Bob User
Ryan (r...@ultranet.com) wrote:
: In article <5ig913$6...@newsops.execpc.com>, "Steve Tursi" <ste...@yaf.com> wrote:
: >The instructor at a seminar I once attended was calling forward slashed
: >"whacks" and back slashes "backs". I've used that in several tech support
: >calls and the caller usually gets it once I explain it to them (although
: >they commonly type out the word "whack").
: >
: >It really comes in handy when I want to read a URL (http://www.yahoo.com/
: >would be read as h t t p colon whack whack w w w dot y a h o o dot c o m
: >whack... (:
: off the http:// part? Most current browsers no longer require it to reach the
: page.
Because:
a) It's correct[0]
b) It wouldn't be a URL otherwise[1]
c) How else do you know it's a web site?[2]
d) doing otherwise would be sloppy [3]
Anyway real techies use telnet
[0] Of course it should be http://dodgy.site.name:port/file.extenion
[1] The structure could have been worse, look at the history
[2] not that a luser would want anything else
[3] and being sloppy is bad, it's like assuming a web site always
starts www
--
bob
RTFM 873
Marcus Meißner
In article <5il0l6$f...@orac.frost.net>, Bob User <b...@frost.org> wrote:
>Roger D. Cook (r...@io.com) wrote:
>: Ryan <r...@ultranet.com> didst once bespeak us, saying:
>: [don't tell 'em http://]
>: Who says Joe Luser has a current browser?
>
>lynx: Can't access start file file://localhost/home/robm/bob.lostsoul.org
>
>Or do you mean the latest bloatware browser?
Just try the latest lynx (2.7.1). 'lynx yahoo' works as expected.
Marcus
--
<URL:http://wwwcip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de/user/msmeissn/index.html>
"Sneak in? And waste a perfectly good battering ram?" - chu...@art.ohiou.edu
Tim Franklin
E. (eri...@kallisti.sw-tech.com) wrote:
> Tim Franklin <t...@leaphome.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> > Ryan (r...@ultranet.com) wrote:
> >
> > > off the http:// part?
> >
> Lynx does.
> erisson:~> lynx -source aol | head -4
> <!doctype html public "-//w3c//dtd html 3.2//en">
Fairy nuff. I'm quite prepared to admit to either a) using an old
version or b) not knowing how to drive it properly.
Tim.
Eric R. Torbenson
Garner Miller (gar...@net21.com.REMOVE.CAPS.TO.SEND.EMAIL) wrote:
: "OK, so I type http <colon> <forward-slash> <forward-slash> ..."
: It's a slash, people. The Backslash is the unusual one. :-)
Hmmm...there was once a luser I helped who did not get this concept at
all. The solution? I replaced forward-slash with "northeast to southwest" and
backslash wih "northwest to southeast." This was the *only* way he understood
what I was referring to.
*slash!*
-Eric
E.
Marcus Meißner <msme...@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de> wrote:
>
> Just try the latest lynx (2.7.1). 'lynx yahoo' works as expected.
Ditto 2.6.
-E
tv's Spatch
Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull sitz...@erols.DAMN_SPAMMERS.com (Sitzkrieg
Redundus) out of my hat:
>Ah, but we musn't forget init strings. It's an ampersand, people! Don't you
>watch Wheel for Fortune?!
"Shift-7... shift-7... shift-7..."
Ok, read the init string back to me.
"A T AND F ONE AND ..."
*shakes head* Just can't win.
--
tv's Spatch, mstie #43790. Remove the ANDBACON from my email address to reply.
"Me an' Spatch just wrote a song. It's called Inflatable Radish." - Kev Church
RN+CM