My continuing liver disorder
The Checkered Demon
So, gang, I see that in my recent absence from the wonderful
world of tastelessness, several things have come to pass.
A couple Caldwells have come and gone, obviously. Although
one might argue that the quality of their writing is low-grade
Tay. By some natural law, the most prolific writers seem to be by
far the least interesting.
Amazingly, there have been nearly a thousand posts in the
last few weeks. I had to skip the vast majority of them, which
is why I asked to have someone send me the results from the
alt.tasteless awards for '93. I have seen on the net that the
awards haven't been done this yet year. Is there some hidden
controversy involved? Is this because of the
Kerrigan/Harding/Gillooly mix-up? Was it actually our own
Trashcan Man who, in a fit of misogyny, spanked Nancy across her
knee? Inquiring minds want to know.
I want to ask about several of our fallen members, so let us
come to grips with the topic. Does anyone rememberPete Ashdown?
Ulf Kastner? Sly, the kid who berated us for being lazy in our
writing only to expose his own lack of talent? Jeroen Moelands?
Did these people pass away? Lose net.access like our own Sick,
Twisted Fuck, Vinnie Jordan? For a while last year, I thought we
lost our own dear JennyG, and that was nearly too much. Does
anyone know what happened?
In any case, the reason I was gone for so long was that I
had a hideously inflamed, infected gall bladder that was going to
come out, even if I was going to have to do it myself with a
hydra-shok round.
And that is why I'm PISSED off. I am told by my surgeon,
(after the fact), that it was by far the worst, most incredibly
damaged organ he had removed. Being infected, my body apparently
grew new blood vessels into the area, to correct the infection,
and I carried the diseased little beggar around, like a mongoloid
fetus, for six months before I had an attack. He went on to say
that it had been scarred by the gall stones in the bladder and it
had attached itself to my liver, and grew fibrous matter to
protect itself. It was determined to stay there, like a monster
from the movie Aliens, only in reverse.
Why am I pissed off, you ask? Because the surgery was
painless, and the after effects had only one thing worth
commenting on. And it is...
After three days of soft food and short rations to keep my
no-longer-festering guts from tearing out, I had to take my first
dump. A truly legendary shit-pain had struck me, after three days
of painkiller-induced intestinal torpor.
I limped slowly to the can, the urge more pressing with each
pinch-step, flexing my buns vigorously. I finally reached the
seat, whipped my drawers down in a blindingly faaast 4-minute
flurry (abdominal soreness had a hand in this), and sat down,
oooofing exuberantly, expecting to fire a small, hard, brown
trout into the still waters below.
What I got was five minutes of breaking rocks on the throne
and nothing to show for it.
I farted, and all was still for one perfect moment.
Suddenly, I experienced a Violent Anal Dilation(tm), as I
shit the Red October.
I claim it was the Red October, since it was smooth, hard,
silent, sank right to the bottom without effort, and that it was
eighteen feet longer than it's competitors. (Okay, eighteen
inches or so.)
I flushed, sending the Red October out from its porcelain
shit^Hpyard. Let the Dallas try to find that one.
One more thing, what's the deal with people thinking it's
tasteless to eat road-killed venison? Crimony, I spent half my
youth eating fresh venison a la Plymouth Fury. Now, eating road-
killed possum, now THAT'S something to be proud of. If a possum
can find a dead horse, deer, cow, etc, it will burrow into the
chest cavity, and live there for a few weeks. Most of my own
family, some of whom were legendary woodsmen, would not eat them.
My own father, whom has eaten nearly everything that walks,
crawls or flies, says he wouldn't eat one. (But the Native
American branch of our family used to love them, or so he tells
me).
ObTastelessNextTime: German Baked Moggie. No lie.
All standard disclaimers, people.
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Mike Weber
In a previous article, an5...@anon.penet.fi (The Checkered Demon) says:
> Amazingly, there have been nearly a thousand posts in the
>last few weeks. I had to skip the vast majority of them, which
>is why I asked to have someone send me the results from the
>alt.tasteless awards for '93. I have seen on the net that the
>awards haven't been done this yet year. Is there some hidden
>controversy involved?
I'm still counting the nominations, dammit! I just discovered a cache
of nominations my *wonderfull* freenet email decided to send as
seperate letters. We're working on it though.
> I want to ask about several of our fallen members, so let us
>come to grips with the topic. Does anyone rememberPete Ashdown?
>Ulf Kastner? Sly, the kid who berated us for being lazy in our
>writing only to expose his own lack of talent? Jeroen Moelands?
>Did these people pass away? Lose net.access like our own Sick,
>Twisted Fuck, Vinnie Jordan? For a while last year, I thought we
>lost our own dear JennyG, and that was nearly too much. Does
>anyone know what happened?
I remember Ulf "WE ARE PUNK!" Kaster but havent seen hide nor hair from
him/them after they got a legit email account. I think I still have it
in my archives somewhere. The others, I dont recall. Vinnie never got
his net.access at work (his employers said they would, then resended)
and is scratching $ together to buy an account for his new home computer
system. JennyG, I understand, is working on her thesis and hasnt had to time
to post here.
Oh shit! (heh)
You missed the IRC party, didnt you? I one I never finished posting the
transcripts to, if I'm not mistaken. Fuck it.
--
"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test.
Had this been an actual emergency, you'd be writhing on the ground in
unspeakable agony, bleeding from every orifice, with your blackened skin
falling away in ragged strips."
Bob Another beer, please Christ
>in my archives somewhere. The others, I dont recall. Vinnie never got
>his net.access at work (his employers said they would, then resended)
>and is scratching $ together to buy an account for his new home computer
>system.
He got himself a Wyse terminal (Nearly new) and a modem. All he needs
now is the netcom account. The Vin-man is returning, soon.
>JennyG, I understand, is working on her thesis and hasnt had to time
>to post here.
She finished it, the last time I checked. She's just, gone from a.t.
Bob
---
This person is currently under going electric shock therapy at Agnews
Developmental Center in San Jose, California. All his opinions are
static, please ignore him.
Thank you, Nurse Ratched
Mark Milan
> >JennyG, I understand, is working on her thesis and hasnt had to time
> >to post here.
>
> She finished it, the last time I checked. She's just, gone from a.t.
>
JennyG still posts, but not here. If you check out alt.peeves, then you
can find her. I think she still slums here in a.t. occasionally, but
I'm not sure.
If you were wondering why Geoff Miller seems to have reduced his output,
he's done the same thing. Alt.peeves is not a group for the faint of hand,
as they demand a high calibre of writing skills. If you can <kick>, make it
there, you can make it <kick> anywhere.
Mark "it's up to you" Milan
--
Mark Milan - UniCAD, Ottawa, Canada - ma...@bnr.ca - standard disclaimers apply
This sig is a member of several twelve step programs. And that's......ok.
Trashcan Man
The Checkered Demon <an5...@anon.penet.fi> wrote:
> Amazingly, there have been nearly a thousand posts in the
>last few weeks. I had to skip the vast majority of them, which
>is why I asked to have someone send me the results from the
>alt.tasteless awards for '93. I have seen on the net that the
>awards haven't been done this yet year. Is there some hidden
>controversy involved? Is this because of the
>Kerrigan/Harding/Gillooly mix-up? Was it actually our own
>Trashcan Man who, in a fit of misogyny, spanked Nancy across her
>knee? Inquiring minds want to know.
Well, to clear the air (not that I'm into clearing any air) it wasn't me
who smashed Nancy Kerrigan's knee. Of course, there's one thing about her-
she's got that Playboy-Girl-Next-Door look to her, that makes me want to
bend her over a chair and introduce her to my Chorizo.*
Tonya, well, her tits aren't large enought for me. If you really want to
know what I'm into, though, you'll have to ask my dad, Chris Chiesa. Large
Russian women are my fetish.
Trashcan Man.
ObArticle: The Wired article hits the stands in April..... BE THERE!
--
Trashcan Man is Constantino Tobio, Jr.| = ) |"We wear blue, we wear white,
to...@panix.com | =\\/(| We wear lingerie at night,
"You can't be Mr. Purple, he's on | \/ \/\| We're the Cleverest Band in
another job." -Reservoir Dogs |\/\/ | The World." C.U.M.B. G(TB)^2
Lenore Levine
>If know what I'm into, though, you'll have to ask my dad, Chris Chiesa.
>Large Russian women are my fetish.
>Trashcan Man.
Trashcan Man, do you like skinny Russian women? I really think you
would like my friend, Eugenia. She's as full of baloney as you are.
A few months ago, she had to go to the university's McKinley Health
Center (otherwise known as McKillMe) for treatment of the flu or
something, and had to fill out a medical history form. She got
bored, and decided to be "creative" with the form. You know, said
she had leprosy, diabetes and a whole bunch of other diseases, and
that she drank 10 glasses of wine a day.
When she went in to see the doctor, he was looking at her rather
oddly. She asked him if he had read the form.
"Read it?" he replied. "I have to sign it!"
Lenore Levine
Louise K. Rogow
>
>Tonya, well, her tits aren't large enought for me. If you really want to
>know what I'm into, though, you'll have to ask my dad, Chris Chiesa. Large
>Russian women are my fetish.
I'm a 42D.
I'm only 5'6"
I weigh 168lbs (The diet has been working)
I'm am 15/16ths Russian descent with the last sixteenth being
the fuzzy zone in Poland.
Short, Large Breasted women run in my family.
<image of lots of short, large breated women running>
I keep meaning to call Chris Chiesa.
I talked to Chris Aedo today, does that count?
>ObArticle: The Wired article hits the stands in April..... BE THERE!
Which article? I keep skimming it, but get too eye-tired to
focus on the words.
Keep the Faith,
Louise
Trashcan Man
Louise K. Rogow <god...@access3.digex.net> wrote:
>In article <2kojqi$o...@panix2.panix.com>, Trashcan Man <to...@panix.com> wrote:
>>
>>Tonya, well, her tits aren't large enought for me. If you really want to
>>know what I'm into, though, you'll have to ask my dad, Chris Chiesa. Large
>>Russian women are my fetish.
>
>I'm a 42D.
>I'm only 5'6"
>I weigh 168lbs (The diet has been working)
>I'm am 15/16ths Russian descent with the last sixteenth being
>the fuzzy zone in Poland.
>Short, Large Breasted women run in my family.
><image of lots of short, large breated women running>
How old are you, anyway...
Well, this is exactly the kind of woman I seek. Meaty, large breasted
Russians. Please introduce me to your family.
>>ObArticle: The Wired article hits the stands in April..... BE THERE!
>
>Which article? I keep skimming it, but get too eye-tired to
>focus on the words.
The article being written about Me and alt.tasteless. April, man, april.
I'm sporting wood just thinking about it.
Trashcan Man.
Lee Melton
: In article <2kojqi$o...@panix2.panix.com>, Trashcan Man <to...@panix.com> wrote:
: >
: >Tonya, well, her tits aren't large enought for me. If you really want to
: >know what I'm into, though, you'll have to ask my dad, Chris Chiesa. Large
: >Russian women are my fetish.
: I'm a 42D.
: I'm only 5'6"
: I weigh 168lbs (The diet has been working)
: I'm am 15/16ths Russian descent with the last sixteenth being
: the fuzzy zone in Poland.
: Short, Large Breasted women run in my family.
: <image of lots of short, large breated women running>
Louise, you sound like heaven on this earth. Short, large breasted,
jeeze, how did you know what I like. I just noticed a pattern in my
sex life when reading this, as every girl I have slept with matches at
least two of these criteria.
I must have a breast fixation, but then again, don't most men? What
is it about two fleshy lumps with eerectile tissue ends that drives
men so mad?
Will you marry me?
Lee
ObTasteless: Sex with me.
--
_____________________________________________________________________________
|Lee Melton | |
|2nd Year Maths/CompSci| Email:u2...@bilbo.teach.cs.keele.ac.uk |
|University of Keele | u2...@potter.cc.keele.ac.uk |
|Staffs, UK |Not Keele's spokesman, I don't get paid...disclaimer|
|______________________|____________________________________________________|