Good news, we're engaged!
Bob Another beer, please Christ
lev...@symcom.math.uiuc.edu (Lenore Levine) responds to my proposal with:
>OK.
>Yours, sincerely,
>Lenore
Oh YES! Thank you my love, thank you. You'll never regret
this. Just how private a ceremony should it be? I'm picking up the
ring tomorrow.
YES, you're mine!
Oh Lenore, regretfully, there is no Michael Salem's near here. But,
I found the perfect pair of spike heels in a little out-of-the-way shop
in San Francisco. They're covered with pearls and have chrome spikes. I've
even bought spurs for them. The Bob-wire adult toy was found at the
Adult Bookstore and Rubber Goods Shop in San Francisco too.
YES! At long last, you're mine!
All the other items are to be shipped, express, to our HornyMoon
suite. My friend John Day, a mathematician, has LOTS of papers he's written
for his book. The best part is; he hasn't finished it yet! Perfect for you,
my love. I'm having an entire library of science fiction books shipped to
our love nest. You'll never be bored my love, I promise.
YES! I love you Lenore.
Oh Lenore, the easiest part was the yellow jacket nest. My pal,
Hank, commanding officer of the nest across the street from where I live
has said, "Yes, we'll go." He even wants to attend the wedding. I'm
preparing a special shipping container for him and the air force.
Oh Lenore, I need you!
The low-life you want -- I'm staking out the parking lot behind
Joe's Bar tonight. I'll get one of the bastards -- I promise my love,
I promise. I want to ship him Federal Express to our love nest -- in
a trunk that's got plenty of hungry rats to keep him company. After
all, there'll be no room on the motorcycle for him.
Oh Lenore, I've got a hardon now. I must have you SOON!
I've contacted Pastor Geoff Miller at the The Church of Divine
Tastelessness in Mountain View. He'll marry us! YES!
Oh Lenore, I've found the perfect HornyMoon suite. It's in
Hollywood. Yes my love, I've saved this for last. We're staying at
the Macassey Arms! I know the proprietor, Julian. Yes my love, he's
the news administrator. He's even arranged for a personal tour at Fredericks
of Hollywood. Yes my love, you can choose as many pairs of crotchless
panties as you desire.
Oh Lenore, I have a WONDERFUL wet dream about you every night now.
Love you,
Bob
PS That Barney suite was a bitch. I had to steal it from a guy
who was on his way to some little kid's birthday party.
---
This person is currently under going electric shock therapy at Agnews
Developmental Center in San Jose, California. All his opinions are
static, please ignore him.
Thank you, Nurse Ratched
Lenore Levine
>lev...@symcom.math.uiuc.edu (Lenore Levine) responds to my proposal with:
>>OK.
>>Yours, sincerely,
>>Lenore
> Oh YES! Thank you my love, thank you. You'll never regret
>this.
Bob,
I too, cannot wait. I am thrilled by your romantic accounts of
what is in store for me.
There are two things, however, we need to talk about.
One is that you may not fit into the dainties offered by
Frederick's of Hollywood. I would be glad to pick out whatever
lingerie will get you in the mood, but I think Michael
Salem's has a more appropriate selection.
The other is that though I love you, I cannot promise not
to love another. I swear, though, that I will be true
to you in my fashion. That is, though I may lie with another,
I will not wash afterwards.
Yours in love, eternally,
Lenore
Adam Justin Thornton
I'd be (for a small fee) more than happy to marry you in the First
Benevolent Protective Order of the Squirtin' Jesus Christ Comma Yeti. I'm
legally empowered to do so.
And since it's got your name in it, Bob, I think you should agree.
Especially since I know you'd crawl five hundred miles over anthrax-dipped
rusty fishooks, dragging yourself along by your erect schlong, to eat the
maggots out of her shit.
The Most Reverend Adam
--
ad...@rice.edu | These? Rice's opinions? Yeah, right. | "Might there have
been fewer crimes in the name of Jesus, and more mercy in the name of Judas
Iscariot?"--Thomas Pynchon | Overheard in Waco: "This is not an assault."
Save the Choad! | Win/NT: Yesterday's technology tomorrow. | 64,928 | Fnord