Interview With MC Deuce

[Sergeant Zeno]

Here's the interview with MC Deuce that you all missed.
I'm sure you will find it as enlightening as a new moon.

The characters are:

SGTZeno (aka Zeno)
Roughtr88
MCDeuce
ClueBot
Javier
FuckNuts

Session Start: Fri Apr 26 12:58:17 1996
*** Now talking in #tasteless
*** Zeno sets mode: +nt
*** Roughtr88 (Ro...@ppp37.net21.binghamton.edu) has joined #tasteless
*** Zeno sets mode: +o Roughtr88
*** MCDeuce (m...@lumen.alcyone.com) has joined #tasteless
<MCDeuce> MMMMMMMMMMM. CREAMY POO.
<Roughtr88> Hey Zeno
<MCDeuce> BLLBLBLBLBLBL I'M LENORE LEVINE FEED ME SOME PORK
RINDS
*** Roughtr88 has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<MCDeuce> MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*** Roughtr88 (Ro...@ppp39.net21.binghamton.edu) has joined #tasteless
*** Zeno sets mode: +o Roughtr88
<MCDeuce> So where's LENORE? I miss her SO.
<Zeno> MC2 heh heh heh
<Zeno> Nice to see you, bro.
<Zeno> What the fuck is going on?
<MCDeuce> What up, G?
<MCDeuce> Just WAITING to PUNCH LENORE in her CUNT.
*** Zeno is now known as SGTZeno
<SGTZeno> C'mon, mc, I know you've got more inane babble than
that.
-> [MCDeuce] PING
-> [Roughtr88] PING
<MCDeuce> Do you TWO usually HANG AROUND here?
<SGTZeno> Always during the work day.
<SGTZeno> #deucehole??? Heh.
*** ClueBot has joined #tasteless
<MCDeuce> MMMMMMMMMMM BLLLLLLLBLBLBLLBLLBL
<MCDeuce> How's THAT?
<MCDeuce> UNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH JERKING
*** Retrieving #tasteless channel info...
*** SGTZeno sets mode: +o ClueBot
*** Roughtr88 has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<SGTZeno> Much better, mc. Pretty good.
<MCDeuce> GLUG GLUG GLUG
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT MY MOUTH
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT IT
<ClueBot> I'M LOOKING AT IT, YOU PATHETIC WASTOID!!!!
<ClueBot> YOU'RE MAKING ME CUM AND PISS AND SHIT IN MY PANTS
OVER
AND OVER AGAIN!
<SGTZeno> What a hoot!
<MCDeuce> GLUG GLUG GLUG
<MCDeuce> OOH MOUTH
<MCDeuce> So does ANYONE ELSE show up?
<MCDeuce> I almost LIKE you, so there's no POINT in ABUSING you.
<SGTZeno> Almost? Heh.
*** SGTZeno changes topic to "Hollister & Zeno listen to MC2 rant
on and on..."
<MCDeuce> Roughtr88 is HOLLISTER?
<SGTZeno> You do realize Roughtr88 is Hollister, don't you?
<MCDeuce> No, he NEVER MENTIONED IT.
<MCDeuce> The little FRUIT.
<SGTZeno> No...he's about 6'1"...not little.
<MCDeuce> Okay, he's a BIG FRUIT.
<ClueBot> NNNNNNGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!
<MCDeuce> MUCH BETTER.
<SGTZeno> Heh....just don't compare him with a Twinkie.
<MCDeuce> SIR YES SIR!
<SGTZeno> I think that it was his last partner...
<MCDeuce> SIR NOT THE MOUTH SIR!
<SGTZeno> ...that had shit on his dick and messed up his
bedroom...
<SGTZeno> ...so Hollister beat the fuck out of him, breaking a
rib.
<MCDeuce> Oh YES, the DICKPRINT story.
<SGTZeno> I must have missed that one on the NG. He told me via
mIRC.
<MCDeuce> Beaten over a DICKPRINT.
<MCDeuce> God BLESS AMERICAN FAGS.
<MCDeuce> The story I READ didn't mention the BEATING, though.
<SGTZeno> You are so fucking blatant and uncouth, it's a riot.
Do you ever visit the museums here in DC?
<MCDeuce> MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<SGTZeno> What? Did Lenore show up?
<MCDeuce> I'm on the WEST COAST, G.
<SGTZeno> I know, but do you ever come out east?
<MCDeuce> No, just QUIETLY WISHING SHE WOULD.
<MCDeuce> No, VERY RARELY.
<MCDeuce> Why? What's in the MUSEUMS?
<SGTZeno> And they said that you weren't capable of intelligent
speech.
<MCDeuce> Or is it just a good place to BEAT and RAPE PEOPLE?
<SGTZeno> It's a good place for me to watch the teenage girls go
by in their little skirts.
<MCDeuce> I'm CAPABLE of it, it's just that MOST of the ALT DOT
TASTELESS JERKOFFS don't DESERVE it.
<MCDeuce> Ah.
<MCDeuce> Well, at least you got the right SEX.
<MCDeuce> At least you MEAN WELL, that's what I say.
<SGTZeno> I "mean well"...I've never been accused of that before.
<MCDeuce> WELL BUTTON UP THOSE HATCHES
<MCDeuce> LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED
<SGTZeno> What the hell? Hollister isn't even here to entertain
you.
<SGTZeno> So tell me, are you on your lunch break?
<MCDeuce> I know. It's almost ENOUGH to make me PISS AND SHIT.
<ClueBot> BWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH/!!! GURGLE GURLGE
<MCDeuce> BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
<SGTZeno> That's more like it.
<MCDeuce> GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG is also a GOOD ONE.
<MCDeuce> So anymore REGULARS show up HERE?
<SGTZeno> Lessee....Trashcan Man is around every once in a while.
<SGTZeno> James Stepanek. The Halls.
<MCDeuce> During DAYS or EVENINGS?
<SGTZeno> Contreni. BlueDawg. |Card| and some others
<SGTZeno> And the Deep Purple Power Ranger.
<MCDeuce> I've got to PLAN MY SHIT-EATING SCHEDULE, you
UNDERSTAND.
<MCDeuce> TRASHCAN MAN is the only one that sounds FAMILIAR.
<SGTZeno> Yeah, some are just lurkers.
<MCDeuce> So no LENORE?
<SGTZeno> Never seen her or Roberta Hatch here. no
<MCDeuce> Robert HATCH is Bob CHRIST, you KNOW.
<ClueBot> NNNNGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!
<MCDeuce> That's what I SAY.
<ClueBot> I CAN SMELL YOUR CUNT!
<SGTZeno> Yes, most of us know.
<MCDeuce> Oh, OKAY.
<MCDeuce> He accused of me of being SOMEONE NEW recently.
<ClueBot> BLAP!
<SGTZeno> Unbelievable. Why would he think that?
<MCDeuce> No IDEA.
<SGTZeno> I think it's because you aren't as vicious as you used
to be.
<MCDeuce> Guess it must be TRUE, though. He IS BOB CHRIST, after
all.
<MCDeuce> HEY MISTER LOOK AT MY MOUTH
<MCDeuce> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<SGTZeno> Did your sysadmin bitch about you or somthing.
*** Javier has joined #tasteless
<MCDeuce> Well, the CDA and ALL THAT.
<SGTZeno> Did your sysadmin bitch about you or somthing.
<MCDeuce> HI JAVIER WANT TO SEE MY TATTOO?
<Javier> Want to see me pull a rabbit out of my butt?
<MCDeuce> Well, the CDA and ALL THAT.
<MCDeuce> HI JAVIER WANT TO SEE MY TATTOO?
<MCDeuce> Oh, it's just YOU AGAIN.
<Javier> Tsk tsk.
<SGTZeno> Heh, just testing your vision, MC.
<SGTZeno> All seems to be in order.
<MCDeuce> GLUG GLUG GLUG
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT ME DROWNING
<MCDeuce> GLUG GLUG GLUG
<MCDeuce> That's so DISAPPOINTING. And here I thought I
had another JERKFUCK to POKE WITH MY STICK.
<MCDeuce> Good POINT. Is that the J0L0P0 guy?
<ClueBot> BLAAAAAAAAAPPPP! I WANT TO EAT YOUR CUNT LIPS!
<Javier> Yeah, j0l...@gnn.com.
<Javier> I was testing to see your reaction to see if Javier was
merely another of your incarnations.
<SGTZeno> I see that you do pay attention to detail.
*** Retrieving #tasteless channel info...
*** Javier is now known as FuckNuts
<MCDeuce> No, I'm only M.C. DEUCE on ALT DOT TASTELESS>
<ClueBot> And elsewhere, who are you?
*** SGTZeno changes topic to "Feh."
<MCDeuce> I don't POST anywhere ELSE.
*** SGTZeno changes topic to "Feh."
<MCDeuce> I don't POST anywhere ELSE.
<SGTZeno> Contrary to popular opinion, right?
<MCDeuce> Except when I accidentally CROSSPOST, that IS.
<SGTZeno> Crosspost to alt.fan.mcdeuce???
<MCDeuce> I'm not supposed to DO THAT now.
<MCDeuce> The FIRST TIMES I did it it was INTENTIONAL. After
that my SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR told me to STOP.
*** SGTZeno sets mode: +o FuckNuts
<MCDeuce> I NEWGROUPED ALT DOT FAN DOT MC2 so I can POST THERE
all I WANT. It's the other REAL GROUPS that make my SYSTEM
ADMINISTRATOR ANGRY.
<SGTZeno> Heh.
<SGTZeno> You? Making a sysadmin angry? I can't imagine.
<SGTZeno> Why did you leave alt.tasteless for so long?
*** FuckNuts has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<SGTZeno> Always during the work day.
<MCDeuce> GLUG GLUG GLUG
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT MY MOUTH
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT IT
<ClueBot> I'M LOOKING AT IT, YOU PATHETIC WASTOID!!!!
<ClueBot> YOU'RE MAKING ME CUM AND PISS AND SHIT IN MY
PANTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
<SGTZeno> What a hoot!
<SGTZeno> Heh.
<SGTZeno> You? Making a sysadmin angry? I can't imagine.
<SGTZeno> Why did you leave alt.tasteless for so long?
*** FuckNuts has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<MCDeuce> My SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR thought it would be a
GOOD IDEA if I took a BREAK.
<SGTZeno> Did he break your leg?
<MCDeuce> No, he just FUCKED MY FACE.
<MCDeuce> I got it EASY, all things SAID AND DONE.
<ClueBot> IF I DON'T GET TO MASTURBATE INTO A PILE OF FECES
SOON, MY BALLS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!
<MCDeuce> I prefer POO MYSELF.
<SGTZeno> Heh. Do you pay for your access?
<MCDeuce> Not PRESENTLY.
<SGTZeno> See...you should pay for your access...then you
could fuck anyone you want.
<SGTZeno> virtually that is
<MCDeuce> Yes, one of the DRAWBACKS.
<MCDeuce> I'm surprised I got as far as I DID the first
TIME.
<SGTZeno> Is that why you aren't so brutal any more?
<MCDeuce> Yeah.
<SGTZeno> It kinda sucks.
<SGTZeno> It was better before.
<MCDeuce> Yeah, but there's the CDA and EVERYTHING NOW.
* SGTZeno urinates in the general direction of the CDA.
<SGTZeno> Did you win any awards for your quote "Eat a bowl
of dick." ??
<MCDeuce> I don't REMEMBER. I don't THINK SO.
<SGTZeno> It might have lost to Dahmer's "I remember my
first sexual experience because I kept the recipe."
<SGTZeno> Or something or other.
<SGTZeno> I remember my first time, because I kept the
receipt.
<MCDeuce> Hah.
<MCDeuce> I remember the FIRST TIME, because you're STILL
MY WHORE.
<MCDeuce> SIR YES SIR
<MCDeuce> SIR NO SIR NOT THE MOUTH SIR
<MCDeuce> SIR PLEASE AVOID THE TENDER AREAS SIR
<MCDeuce> GLOB GLOB GLOB
<SGTZeno> Feh.
<SGTZeno> What a fucking hoot.
<MCDeuce> WUG
<ClueBot> GNGGGGGGGGHHHH! I WANT MY MEAT IN YOUR
MOUTH!!!!
<ClueBot> PEEL MY STINKY DIAPER OFF AND EAT IT WITH MUSTARD
ON A BUN!!!!
*** Retrieving #tasteless channel info...
<MCDeuce> NUG MESSY JUICE
*** ClueBot changes topic to "NNNNNGGGGGHH!!! DRINK MY
JUICES!!!!"
<SGTZeno> This should be entertaining for the big-brained
readers of alt.tasteless.
<ClueBot> UNGGH....UNGH..UNGH....I THINK I'M COMING....
<ClueBot> QUICK!!! OPEN YOUR MOUTH CAUSE I'M GONNA BLOW THE
BACK OF YOUR NAPPY HEAD OFF INTO THE TOILET!!!
<MCDeuce> HOT WIRY POO
<MCDeuce> KA-BOOM!
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT MY TITS
<SGTZeno> Hot wiry poo? Strange concept.
<ClueBot> I'M GONNA SHIT ON YOUR TITS!!!!
<MCDeuce> LOOK AT THEM
<MCDeuce> PRIVATE ZENO, LOOK AT MY LARGE, FIRM BREASTS
<MCDeuce> I don't KNOW, just CAME OUT.
<MCDeuce> PLOP. There it WAS.
<ClueBot> AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA LICK THEM CLEAN!!!!!
<MCDeuce> MAYBE
<MCDeuce> MAYBE NOT
<MCDeuce> YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING
* SGTZeno glances nonchalantly at MC's large, firm breasts.
<MCDeuce> THEY ARE PRETTY BIG AREN'T THEY PRIVATE
<MCDeuce> ANSWER ME PRIVATE
<ClueBot> I'M GONNA VIDEOTAPE IT AND SEND IT TO YOUR MOM SO
SHE CAN WATCH IT WHILE SHE'S FUCKING THE NEIGHBOR'S DOG!!
* SGTZeno confirms the large size of MC's breasts.
<SGTZeno> Very impressive.
<MCDeuce> WELL THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO GO
<MCDeuce> BIG HONKING BLACK TITS
<SGTZeno> Why couldn't they be more reddish colored? Like
an American Indian.
<ClueBot> I WANT TO HONK MY SNOT ONTO YOUR BIG BLACK
TITS!!!
<SGTZeno> Wow, I could probably sell this .log to some
gradeschoolers.
<SGTZeno> As a matter of fact, I'll invite some over from
#teenchat.
<MCDeuce> DARK CHOCOLATE TITS
<ClueBot> WITH A CHERRY AND CREAM ON TOP!!!! NUMMY!
<ClueBot> NNNGGGHHHH! I'M COMING AGAIN....LICK IT MC
DEUCHE, LICK IT!!!!
* SGTZeno must go for a minute. Using the bathroom.
<MCDeuce> Get this CLUEBOT guy OUTTA HERE.
<ClueBot> FUCK YOU ALL!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!!!!!
<ClueBot> YOU WILL DO *NOTHING* TO ME!!!!!
<MCDeuce> MOUTHWARS
<ClueBot> MY MOUTH IS BIGGER AND DIRTIER THAN YOURS, YOU
LITTLE DOUCHEBAG!!!!
<ClueBot> WANK WANK WANK!!!! I'M GONNA COME ALL OVER YOUR
MOMMA'S HAIRY ASSHOLE IN A SECOND!!! JUST A FEW MORE
STROKES!!!
<MCDeuce> I DON'T KNOW. MY MOUTH IS PRETTY GOOD.
<ClueBot> UNNGGHHHHH!!! I JUST SHOT MY INFECTED SPERM INTO
YOUR MOTHER'S FETID SPHINCTER!! AAAAAHH....
* SGTZeno is back.
<SGTZeno> Well, it's nice to see that you two carried on
some intelligent conversation while I was gone.
<ClueBot> FUCK YOU, I'LL KILL YOUR MAMA AND BUTTFUCK YOUR
DADDY.
<MCDeuce> TAKE A LOOK DEEP INTO MY MOUTH HOLE
<MCDeuce> TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE
<MCDeuce> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<ClueBot> I'LL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND SHOVE MY MEAT INTO
YOUR THROAT UNTIL YOUR LUNGS ARE SPEWING OUT SPERM INTO
YOUR BLOOD!!!!
*Simiekins has joined #tasteless
<ClueBot> NNNGGH NGGGHHH!!!!!
<ClueBot> MMMM....SIMIEKINS....I WANT TO FUCK YOUR EARHOLE
AND BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!!! NNNNNGHGHHHH!
<ClueBot> ARE YOU RUNNING BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING
PUSSY????
*** SGTZeno sets mode: +b ClueBot
*** ClueBot was kicked by SGTZeno (SGTZeno)
<MCDeuce> Simiekins is on #Trekkies, #tasteless, and
#GothClub?
<MCDeuce> What a COMPLETE PRATT.
*** Simiekins has quit IRC ()
<SGTZeno> Pratt/Whitney?
<MCDeuce> NO SIMIEKINS WAIT COME BACK
<MCDeuce> I DIDN'T MEAN IT REALLY
<SGTZeno> Yes you did.
<MCDeuce> NO MORE TOOLS.
<MCDeuce> Okay, YES I DID>
<SGTZeno> MC, isn't it true that you support the CDA?
<MCDeuce> I think it's a GREAT FUCKING THING.
<SGTZeno> Aren't you really a government conspirator sent
out to ban us all?
<MCDeuce> It'll keep FUCKFACES like YOU AND ME off the
STREETS and in TIGHT LITTLE EIGHT BY EIGHT CELLS where
we'll have to COVER EACH OTHER IN SHIT and CALL EACH
OTHER NAMES.
<SGTZeno> Trying to catch us in the act, then take us away
to a hangar in Nevada and RETRAIN us?
*** Simiekins (~si...@pl1-p5.zynet.co.uk) has joined #tasteless
<MCDeuce> Oh, SHOVE YOUR CONSPIRACY THEORY up your FAT ASS.
* SGTZeno casually shoves the conspiracy up ClueBot's fat
ass.
<MCDeuce> SIMIEKINS I LIKE STAR TREK TOO
<ClueBot> FUCK YOU, FUNNY BOY! I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR
CHILDREN TOO!!!!!
<MCDeuce> COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO MY MOUTH
<MCDeuce> I LIKE TOOLS.
<Simiekins> Erm... How did you know I like Star Trek???
<SGTZeno> Watch out, Simiekins, he likes powertools.
<SGTZeno> What are you, Simiekins, fucking clueless?
<MCDeuce> BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
<MCDeuce> [That's the SOUND of a POWER TOOL, I GUESS.][
<Simiekins> Cold init!
* ClueBot INSERTS A CLUE INTO SIMIKINS' VIRGIN ASSHOLE!!!!!
<MCDeuce> I'm having TROUBLE TYPING TODAY. I'd better just
CHOKE DOWN MORE GREASY ANGRY COCK.
<SGTZeno> Warm boot.
* SGTZeno shines the Steel-Toed Boots of Redemption that he
borrowed from Brandon.
<SGTZeno> Looky dere, Simmy. Nice pritty boot fo dat ass o
yorz.
<MCDeuce> PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF MY GOD SSTOP STANDING ON
MY TENDER NUTS
<MCDeuce> HOLY QUEER NOT THE FACE AND NECK
* ClueBot CLUEBOT CRUSHES MC'S NUTS WITH HIS HARD-SOLE HIP
WADERS!!!!
<MCDeuce> WELL LOOKY HERE AT MY MOUTH
<MCDeuce> WELL CHECK OUT THESE HERE BIG BLACK TITS
*** Simiekins (~si...@pl1-p5.zynet.co.uk) has left #tasteless
<MCDeuce> NO COME BACK I WAS ONLY KIDDING
<MCDeuce> I LOVE YOU SIMIEKINS DON'T EVER LEAVE ME
<SGTZeno> Heh. You'd think that you scared him away or
something.
<MCDeuce> NEVER
<MCDeuce> I LOVE HIM I TELL YOU
<MCDeuce> I COULD NEVER LOVE ANOTHER THE WAY I LOVE
SIMIEKINS
<MCDeuce> SO LET'S HAVE A SWORDFIGHT
<ClueBot> YOU CAN HAVE HIS FAT FLATULENT ASS, YOU WORTHLESS
EXCUSE FOR HALF OF A RELATIVITY EQUATION!!!
NNNGGGHHHHH!!!!
<MCDeuce> MOTHWARS
<MCDeuce> MOTH?
<MCDeuce> YEAH THAT'S RIGHT FAGGOT I SAID MOTH
<ClueBot> MOTHRA? YOU STILL HAVING FLASHBACKS TO YOUR
ACID DAYS WHEN YOU WATCHED OLD NIP FILMS????
<MCDeuce> CHING DING PONG DING BING FING MING
<ClueBot> GO EAT YOUR DEAD DOG AND ROTTEN BEAN SALAD,
BUTTMUNCH!!!
*** SGTZeno sets mode: +b ClueBot
*** ClueBot was kicked by SGTZeno (SGTZeno)

End of tastele.log

-------------JEFF SMITH'S ALT.TASTELESS SUCCESS STORY-------------
"We took this average, boring homophobe and turned him into a
semi-literate psychopath! Just think what we can do... for YOU!"
------------------------------------------------------------------