Lawyer jokes

[MLS]

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off
of you when you die.
>
> Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their
clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same
service.
>
> What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
>
> Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?If one side has one, the other
side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they
land, they screw up everything forever.
>
> What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a
chance of becoming a human being.
>
> Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them...and people couldn't figure out
which
side to spit on.
>
> Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
>
> What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? Skeet.
>
> If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit
him? It might be your bicycle.
>
> It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) ... that I saw a
lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
>
> A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's
rates. "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that
awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was
your third question?"
>
> A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time
to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward wasoffered for
his
capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a
lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up
behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said,
"You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your
brains out." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't
speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and
translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in
Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the
cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said
'Get
lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

[Thomas D'Acquisto]

What do you call a thousand lawyers chained to the bottom of the
ocean??

A good start.