List of "Jerk Off" Phrases
Craig Davis
Here's a few to get started:
Buff the Bishop
Spank the monkey
Wax the pole
Choke the chicken
Bop the bologna
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*Insert Useful Comment Here ******************* Your mileage may vary *
*Craig L. Davis (CLD5) ******************* cra...@meaddata.com *
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Chrisrode
>Anyone ever seen a list of "Jerk Off" Phrases?
>
>Here's a few to get started:
>
>Buff the Bishop
>Spank the monkey
>Wax the pole
>Choke the chicken
>Bop the bologna
There's also:
Beat the meat
Slap the Salomi
Pump the pickle
Rob Prigge
>>
>>Spank the monkey
>>Wax the pole
>>Choke the chicken
>>Bop the bologna
>There's also:
>Beat the meat
>Slap the Salomi
>Pump the pickle
Don't forget: Clear your snorkle
Shake hands with Mr. Happy
Josh R Tiefenbach
: >>Anyone ever seen a list of "Jerk Off" Phrases?
: >There's also:
Theres also: Elect the president
Work the one-armed bandit
IMPERIOUS REX
here is a Canadian one...
"Pull your goalie..."
Imperious Rex
Ryan Scott McCamy
Chase the pocket weasel
Wank your willie
Muttley
Waxing the dolphin,
shooting putty at the moon,
petting the puppy,
dry hump,
fistfuck,
and any others that you could care to think of....
Mike
--
+----------------------+------------------------------------------------+
| Muttley, | Dear Santa: |
| the wonder dog | I, Mike Binkley, with malice and forethought |
| msi...@mcs.kent.edu | squash snails. With ecstacy. |
+----------------------+------------------------------------------------+
The above bullshit that I tried to pass of as reasonable and
intelligent conversation, is a creation of my own mind and in no way will
ever reflect the views of Kent State University, thank God.
Lewis Alderton
Polish the Rocket
Five knuckle shuffle
Shake the snake
pull your plonker
massage your member
hump your hand
glop
With regards from Ed uni computer hall
--
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
You've just had the privilege of hearing from Lovely Louie
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy : Grouch Marx
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Simon Hart
One night I lay in bed a pulling my plonker
It did me good
I knew it would
One night I lay in be a puliing my plonker
It did me good
I knew it would
And then I teased it, squeezed it, threw it on the floor
Smashed it, crashed it, slammed it in the door
Some people say it's marvellous
Some people say it's grand
But for maximum enjoyment
You should do it in your hand.
This should be sung to the tune of "Funicular" (I think it's called that anyway!)
---
Simon Hart
--------------------
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ICL (U.K) Ltd. tel: 0344 473742
Lovelace Road intl: +44-344-473742
Bracknell e-mail: ha...@sst.icl.co.uk
Berks
RG12 8SN
--------------------
ft...@aurora.alaska.edu
> Given all the activity about "Jerk Off" phrases...
>
> One night I lay in bed a pulling my plonker
...
...
>
> This should be sung to the tune of "Funicular" (I think it's called that anyway!)
>
The Rugby teams that I have played for sing it this way:
Last night, I contimplated masterbation
it did me good.
I knew it would.
To-night I will repeat the opperation.
It's my desire
to pull my wire.
I'll wank it, spank it, smash it on the floor,
yank it, crank it, catch it in the door!
some say that intercourse is just grand..
but for personal satisfaction, I much preferr my hand!
There may be other verses, I'm not sure.
does anyone know all the verses to "friggin' in the riggin'" or "tabboo" (Two
German Officers)
-=+ joe +=-
ft...@aurora.alaska.edu
>
> One night I lay in bed a pulling my plonker
...
...
>
> This should be sung to the tune of "Funicular"
> (I think it's called that anyway!)
The way that this is sung by Rugby players is:
Last night I contimplated masterbation
it did me good.
I knew it would.
To-night I will repeat the operation.
It's my desire,
to pull my wire.
I'll wank it, spank it, smash it on the floor,
Yank it, crank it, catch it in the door!
Some claim that intercourse is just grand...
but for personal satisfaction, I much preferr my hand!
-=+ joe +=-
Tom Chamberlain
making the bald man cry.
my contribution,
tom.
Greg Little
Waxing the Dolphin
--
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Greg Little | My dog Sam tells me these
g...@ncsc6.att.com | are my own opinions
Simon Hart
>
> [deleted 'plonker' song ]
>
>does anyone know all the verses to "friggin' in the riggin'" or "tabboo" (Two
>German Officers)
>
>-=+ joe +=-
>
The Good Ship Venus
'Twas on the good ship Venus
By god you should have seen us
The figurehead was a nude in bed
sucking the captains penis
Chorus
Frigging in the rigging
Wanking on the planking
Masturbating on the grating
There was fuck all else to do.
The ships dogs name was rover
They had him over and over
They ground and ground
That faithful hound
From Singapore to Dover.
Frigging in the rigging ...
The The ships cooks name was Mabel
By god she wern't half able
She gave the crew
Their daily screw
Upon the cookhouse table.
Frigging in the rigging...
The mate his name was Chopper
Ye gods he had a whopper
Twice round the deck
Once round his neck
And up his arse for a stopper.
Frigging in the rigging...
Plus many other verses that I can't remember
but that others on the net will, I am sure, provide!
I will write out "two german officers" when I get the time!
Tammy Stark Blandino
A date with Rosie and her five sisters.
(for those with drain bramage Rosie = Rosie Palm)
>--
>+----------------------+------------------------------------------------+
>| Muttley, | Dear Santa: |
>| the wonder dog | I, Mike Binkley, with malice and forethought |
>| msi...@mcs.kent.edu | squash snails. With ecstacy. |
>+----------------------+------------------------------------------------+
> The above bullshit that I tried to pass of as reasonable and
>intelligent conversation, is a creation of my own mind and in no way will
> ever reflect the views of Kent State University, thank God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tammy Stark Blandino
li...@jetson.uh.edu
val...@brewich.hou.tx.us
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joel J Gwynn
|> >> |> : >>
|> >> |> : >>Buff the Bishop
|> >> |> : >>Spank the monkey
|> >> |> : >>Wax the pole
|> >> |> : >>Choke the chicken
|> >> |> : >>Bop the bologna
|> >> |>
|> >> |> : >There's also:
|> >> |>
|> >> |> : >Beat the meat
|> >> |> : >Slap the Salomi
|> >> |> : >Pump the pickle
|> >> |>
|> >> |> : Don't forget: Clear your snorkle
|> >> |> : Shake hands with Mr. Happy
|> >> |>
|> >> |> Theres also: Elect the president
|> >> |> Work the one-armed bandit
|> >> Burp the worm
|> >> Chase the pocket weasel
|> >> Wank your willie
|> >
|> >
|> >Waxing the dolphin,
|> >shooting putty at the moon,
|> >petting the puppy,
|> >dry hump,
|> >fistfuck,
|> >
|>
|>
Jackin' the beanstalk.
/\
______________________ / \ ________________________
|| Joel Gwynn / /\ \ Pain is temporary ||
|| jjg...@mit.edu / /__\ \ Glory is forever. ||
------------------- / ______ \ ---------------------
/_/ \_\
Sheri Gillette
SWISH YOUR FISH.
***************
O8*P
Perry Reed
"Beavis has a special friend. Huh huh."
"Yeah. Huh-huh."
"Sometimes he shakes hands with Little Beavis."
--
-.---. -.---. .--------------------------------------.
|---' |---' . | Perry Reed |
| .=..-..-.. . | `. .=..=..-| | re...@hpcc226.pa.itc.hp.com |
' `- ' ' `-| ' ``- `- `-` | "If it works, it's obsolete!" |
-' '--------------------------------------'
Michael Schwankl
Shuckn' oysters
Rub one out
(i) gottta bust a nut
macleod heather
Steve
>In article <27v86a$1...@senator-bedfellow.MIT.EDU> jjg...@athena.mit.edu (Joel J Gwynn) writes:
>>|> >> |> : >>Anyone ever seen a list of "Jerk Off" Phrases?
>>|> >> |> : >>
>>|> >> |> : >>Buff the Bishop
>>|> >> |> : >>Spank the monkey
>>|> >> |> : >>Wax the pole
>>|> >> |> : >>Choke the chicken
>>|> >> |> : >>Bop the bologna
>>|> >> |>
>>|> >> |> : >There's also:
>>|> >> |>
>>|> >> |> : >Beat the meat
>>|> >> |> : >Slap the Salomi
>>|> >> |> : >Pump the pickle
>>|> >> |> : |> Theres also: Elect the president
Tom Schutter
Lube up the five knuckled practice tunnel.
Axl
Solo hand combat with the one-eyed purple-helmeted warrior.
-axl
Craig Davis
From: cra...@meaddata.com (Craig Davis)
Buff the Bishop
Spank the monkey
Wax the pole
Choke the chicken
Bop the bologna
From: cr...@iastate.edu (Chrisrode)
Beat the meat
Slap the Salomi
Pump the pickle
Tommy tank
From: Rob Prigge <rep3...@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu>
Clear your snorkle
Shake hands with Mr. Happy
Rosie Palm variations:
Dating (have a date with) Rosie Palmer & her 5 sisters
From: drh...@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE RAY HEMRICK)
wax the purple helmet
play hide and seek with the one eyed slug
From: jtie...@uoguelph.ca (Josh R Tiefenbach)
Elect the president
Work the one-armed bandit
From: IMPERIOUS REX <P8...@UNB.CA>
Pull your goalie... (a Canadian one)
From: rm1...@eehpx21.cen.uiuc.edu (Ryan Scott McCamy)
Burp the worm
Chase the pocket weasel
Wank your willie
From: msi...@Nimitz.mcs.kent.edu (Muttley)
Waxing the dolphin
shooting putty at the moon
petting the puppy
dry hump
fistfuck
From: l...@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Lewis Alderton)
Polish the Rocket
Five knuckle shuffle
Shake the snake
pull your plonker
massage your member
hump your hand
glop
From: demi....@sfnet.com
Beat the meat
Stroke the lizard
Oil the snake
Lube the tube
"Whappa whappa"
Yank the crank
From: jjg...@athena.mit.edu (Joel J Gwynn)
Jackin' the beanstalk.
From: schw...@vu-vlsi.ee.vill.edu (Michael Schwankl)
Shuckn' oysters
Rub one out
(i) gottta bust a nut
From: re...@corp.hp.com (Perry Reed)
"Beavis has a special friend. Huh huh."
"Yeah. Huh-huh."
"Sometimes he shakes hands with Little Beavis."
From: t...@teal.csn.org (Tom Schutter)
Lube up the five knuckled practice tunnel.
----
How about some for the ladies?
From: demi....@sfnet.com
and of course <let's not be sexist> Jill off
From: alo...@sanger.otago.ac.nz (Nicola Collie)
Rub the nub
Feel/stroke the fur
Stroke the pussy
From: she...@jett.EBay.Sun.COM (Sheri Gillette)
Fan the Taco
SWISH YOUR FISH.
Brian D. Strohman
BH: "What are you doing with your hands in your pockets,
Beavis?"
B: "Uhhh....looking for my lighter."
BH: "For 15 minutes???"
Heather Weir
Jester
Ha Ha.
And my favourite.......
Quadruple hand combat with the one-eyed purple-helmeted warrior.
--
* _/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ * ajo...@cck.ac.cov.uk
* _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ * " WOW! Mum!- You're
* _/ _/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/ _/_/_/ * lookin' fine today!"
* _/_/ _/_/_/ _______/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/ * :-Oaedipus-:
jhe...@ntc01.tele.nokia.fi
Or - to be more masculin - Play the leather-bassoon.
Frank Stuart-Brown
DRAIN THE DRAGON
STRAIN THE POTATOES
SYPHON THE PYTHON
Dave Rand
Don't forget:
Delivering your own mail...
--
David D. Rand \\ ...
Fish...@Krypton.mankato.msus.edu \\ .
Environmental Science/Technical Writing \\ >-)>Fishhead
Matthew Curtiss
My personal fave as is other peoples in my group of friends is
SNAPPING BEAN
HU
Brian Willan
One from Mr. Dice Clay
doin' the old knuckle shuffle on the piss pump!!! ooooh!!
--
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Wilfrid Laurier University Internet: bwil...@mach1.wlu.ca
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Bob Taylor
MA>Newsgroup: alt.tasteless.jokes
MA>Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
MA>In article <27v86a$1...@senator-bedfellow.MIT.EDU> jjg...@athena.mit.edu (Joel
MA>How about: Five-knuckle shuffle?
MA>Heather macl...@mach1.wlu.ca
Hey, I like that last one. It sounds like Heather must've had brothers.
Does anyone have some good names for female masturbation as well?
Bob Taylor
bob.t...@channel1.com Auntie Em,
Hate you.. Hate Kansas.. I'm taking the dog.
-Dorothy
---
ş DeLuxeı 1.21 #10915 ş
Thomas Schlangen
HW> Or - Play the pink oboe....
quite intellectual ... does really someone say _such_ a phrase in
real life? sounds somewhat like an ashamed, blushing forteen year old.
ob.t.j.:
q: what do a dog and a short-sighted gynaecologist have in common?
a: a wet nose.
comment: this one was told to me by my girlfrind and i'm wondering where
she knows from ...
Tricky J.
Dan Bell
Jared Ingersoll
I don't believe that nobody's given my personal favorites:
Punishing the Pope
Berating the Bishop
Chip Gore
This thread seems to refuse to die!!
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
| o o o o | <o o> | Just because we disagree |
| <><><> <> | /-+-- --+X | doesn't mean I have to kill |
| |||||| || | /> <\ | you, unless I want to. |
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
Wilson David
: Heather macl...@mach1.wlu.ca
Don't forget Chokin your Choda
OtherAcct
: In article <27v86a$1...@senator-bedfellow.MIT.EDU> jjg...@athena.mit.edu (Joel J Gwynn) writes:
: >|> >> |> : >>Anyone ever seen a list of "Jerk Off" Phrases?
: >|> >> |> : >>
: >|> >> |> : >>Buff the Bishop
: >|> >> |> : >>Spank the monkey
: >|> >> |> : >>Wax the pole
: >|> >> |> : >>Choke the chicken
: >|> >> |> : >>Bop the bologna
: >|> >> |> : >There's also:
: >|> >> |> : >Beat the meat
: >|> >> |> : >Slap the Salomi
: >|> >> |> : >Pump the pickle
: >|> >> |> : Don't forget: Clear your snorkle
: >|> >> |> : Shake hands with Mr. Happy
: >|> >> |> Theres also: Elect the president
: >|> >> |> Work the one-armed bandit
: >|> >> Burp the worm
: >|> >> Chase the pocket weasel
: >|> >> Wank your willie
: >|> >dry hump,
: >|> >fistfuck,
: >|> A date with Rosie and her five sisters.
: >Polish your rocket.
: >Jackin' the beanstalk.
: How about: Five-knuckle shuffle?
or...
Doing the one handed rain dance.
Grappling the gorilla
Doing the Serta fandango
Arcing gobs of pecker snot
Poppin the pope
Shakin hands with Jack McNasty
Making wrap music
Doing the one man line dance
Beating weapons to plowshares
-=Felch=-
Paul MacLeod
>-=Felch=-
Hows this for a new one
"Wanking your cock"
Easier, and saves any confusion later
Paul M.
Scott E. Krupa
A date with Little Elvis.