Surrealism Test Answers Received [1/4]
bravedog
my answers
1. a.yeah, i'll call in today.
b.i can't be bothered with juvenile things like illegal street drugs
right now.
c.no, we didn't do anything saturday night.
2. a.i could eat an entire avacado right now, and not vomit.
b.of course the government has the best interests of its citizens in
mind. they are here to help.
c.i think clinton is doing an admirable job as the leader of this
country. i'm voting for him in the next election.
3.it sounds terrible, but i am the most important person, to me. if i
weren't around in the first place, how would i be able to tell who or
what is most important to me? however, on second thought, i have invested
a lot of sentiment in a green flannel feather pillow i have. the case is
in rags, most of the feathers are gone, and yet i still hold on to it.
the pillow is a close second.
4.i am here right now to continue evolution. i can't find any
significance to attach to it right now.
5.i feel exalted, joyous, or whatever, when eating a persimmon, kissing
in the rain, coming up with the perfect comeback, swimming, etc etc. i am
not the world's deepest person. i can honestly say i find no pleasure or
joy from writing poetry in a rainy garret. i reach peaks, dumbly enough
about three days after my period. then i feel like i am in top physical
and mental shape--for me at least.
6.i enjoy playing cards, singing, dancing, getting drunk with old
friends, any activities deemed irresponsible or juvenile. also
readingreadingreading.
7.i think i was happy for a long time, because i was trying to hide some
realistic situations from myself, so right now, i am miserable, but in
some ways happier than two years ago.
8.outer space (that is, being in it), swimming in the ocean, these
bizarre cockroach/cricket mutants that are only found in los angeles,
being ripped to shreds by sharks, and icebergs.
9.this night. i was scared my brother was going to die.
10. i am lonely on average, oh, every second of my waking hours.
11. i expect the chocolate enzyme. no, i expect a lot of joy and a lot of
pain. i hope for my mexican prince to ride up on his white horse and take
me to vegas for a wedding.
12. sex is the greatest sensation out there, so i give it its own
special catagory. however, i think sex without any real connection
between the two participants can lead to some very grumpy masturbation
and ill will. so it all depends on how one approaches the question. but i
do attach a lot of importance to sex.
13. yes
14. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. look at brad pitt. i think he
is a dog fart, but at the same time, women around the world are mailing
him their panties. the ancient greeks thought a "youth's" beauty was a
great basis for judgements on the kid's intelligence. but i don't think
there is any significant spiritual qualities to be found in people of
great beauty or ugliness.
15. i don't like to get too close to people i know, unless we spend a lot
of time together or are friends for a very long time. i have found the
majority of the people who have tried to become close to me try to take
advantage of me in one form or another. this has made me somewhat
cautious, and people wanting to know me a little better can see this in
me.
16. i am attracted to a sense of humor, a strange perspective,
intelligence, and shamefully enough, a cute ass.
17. first love, thirteen, last, three weeks ago. between, once.
18. if someone wants to watch it, it isn't my business. frankly though, i
can't watch them with men because i start to laugh, and this embarrasses
them.
19. i love men.
20. women are ok. though most of my friends are guys. women appreciate
subterfuge a little too much for my comfort.
21. female.
22. i think i haven't lived long enough to trace any major patterns.
although i see a great big huge poverty pattern, and it sucks donkey
dick, i assure you.
23. all kinds of crazy shit and excitement. hopefully i will be doing the
things i want to do instead of what others want from me.
24. forever, of course. but then i would get tired. around my nineties,
maybe 100. long enough to see the next halley's comet. 18.
25. seas will boil over. mountains will quake and rend. thunderclouds,
dark and ominous will gather at every horizon. you know the rest.
26. the fact that i can't seem to appreciate solitude like kafka can. i
am lonely for companionship of the masculine variety.
27. when i am depressed, i need to be warm at all times, bathe at least
seven or eight times in each twenty four hour period, and i hardly eat at
all, but i drink a lot of fluids. if i were depressed, yet lived in my
own fantasy world, i would be placed in a tiny, windowless room, blazing
hot. there would be a monsterous bed, and i would just get into the bed
and sleep for...around two, maybe three weeks.
28. in life, i cry only when my family guilts me enough to. and i do
succumb to their petty little wars. but any movie, book or song the least
bit sentimental and the waterworks start.
29. oh, yes.
30. occasionally. i think of the casket. i think of someone desecrating
the ground i am buried in. i am afraid of being buried without the proper
preparations according to my religion.
31. yes.
32. i have never tried suicide. i don't think it is really my place to
air my views on suicide, but ok. i don't think it is the right decision,
but sometimes none of the options are the right decision.
33. solution? sure. for me? no.
34. 99.999_% percent of the time.
35. i can hear, smell, feel, and see. i haven't been offered anything to
taste yet, so i don't know if i retain that sense in my sleep. everything
is in full color, and the dreams are so horrible and realistic, there
have been several instances where i wake to find damp and dried tears on
my bed from trying to wake up.
36. yes. and almost always an active participant. rarely if ever a third
party observer.
37. in more than i could possibly enumerate.
38. maybe, maybe not. truth is, i haven't drawn my own conclusions yet
because i don't have enough information to base them on. so i don't know.
39. i am sitting in my highchair covered with blue, gingham patterned
plastic. my mother is on the phone, arguing with my father because he
doesn't want to spend time with me or my brother or sister. my mother
cries.
40. hopefully i learn from my memories. i think there is significance in
memories.
41. all life is important. it is a web. i think everything is living.
42. yes. how many stars are there in the sky? too many to count. ditto
for my experiences.
43. animals are conscious. science has yet to point out any nerve endings
in plants or rocks. no cns's--so until proven otherwise, plants and rocks
are not conscious.
44. i believe in god, hokey as it may sound. the traditional, mono-theis.
45. another i don't know yet. on some levels yes.
46. rent, bills, gas, cigarettes, foods, clothing, and music.
47. art is a very bad subject for me to go into. hence i won't.
48. imagination? if adam didn't have imagination, he never would have
screwed eve, and then where would we be? imagination is everything. all
my life, my two best friends have been my imagination, and my literacy.
49. i like science, but only because it is a discipline i take to very
easily. i don't know if i neccessarily believe it to be the end all be
all, it gives atheists a lot of comfort. so i think it is pretty
important.
50. i never stop thinking. not once. my brain is in constant activity,
and when i experimented with drugs, i was hoping all that mad activity
would cease. no such luck. i don't attach any significance to this. at
all.
51. i try to be the best person i can be. whatever that is. not that i am
succeeding, but i give myself points for effort. thus, if i were to find
a twin out there, i think i would like her.
52. yes. it is in good working order, gets me where i need to go, and it
doesn't cause mirrors to shatter when i walk past them. my favorite sense
would be either taste or smell. i just can't make up my mind.
53. sure. i am human.
54. breathing, drinking, eating, and fucking. and in that particular
order. everything else can be negotiated.
55. told the truth.
56. told the truth.
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Date: Wed, 10 Jan 1996 00:57:36 UTC
1.List three lies you have spoken recently. Do not make up any new ones.
-Nowadays I'm not lying anymore.
In fact I'm often dishonnest with both others and myself.
-ha ha (reserved but apparently sincere amused smile)
in the other hand I wouldn't recognize I'm fond of a person.
2.Make up and list three new lies.
-Interested glance at a motorbike someone proudly presents to me.
-"No, I'm not excited in driving fast and roaring engines" after the same
someone accelerated me with its monster.
-...
3.Is anyone more important to you than yourself? anything?
Who me...(?)
What fills me at the moment (an idea, an utopia, a child dancing in the
street, a colour, the ways of a person, a fear) is most important.
This means, excepted for an impulsive and courageous (yet likely
disastrous) move in a hypothetical crisis situation in front of me,
I'm rather selfish and unaware of selfishness being a "bad thing".
I guess I never loved anyone, but I could.
4.Why are you here [job, school, etc.]? What importance or significance do
you attach to it?
Why I stay here is to see and play. Actually it's more to hope in surprises
and to stack as many possibilities as possible (stacking the knowing of
their potential existences)
5.Do you often feel exalted or especially joyous? How do your peak moments
tend to come about?
What form do they take?
The idea of the place (in virtual space or time) a law will or could be
broken makes me joyfull. A human law, a technical "law", a natural
law, and most of all: psychologic laws. It takes the form I'm
cheerfully certain I will keep a grip on my brain's swerve glimpse and develop
into this direction and build and go there.
6.What things, activities, etc. do you most enjoy?
Dreaming and dreaming awake.
Considering and calculating huge tech thingies, but it's more like something
I can't help doing than something I really enjoy.
I write long long letters too, this I used to like.
... (else "anyone" enjoys)
7.Are you happy?
Not surprisingly I'm not satisfied.
8.Do you have any phobias or irrational fears?
Spiders I jump. Authority (hierarchy that tries to dictates and get angry when
I think and argue because we are equals) it really drives me mad and already
broke me appart for months. Even a small amount (quantity) of authentic
authority (quality) I can't. This becomes a problem.
9.How often are you afraid? What of?
I used to often have various nightmares.
When I'm awake I'm afraid of mental stagnation. It keeps me awake until I
find something (anything that sparks).
10.How often are you lonely?
Often.
11.What do you expect from love? Hope for?
I expect having much difficulty to encounter any beloved one.
I hope something like Maurice and Katia Kraft
who spent there life on volcanoes and died together in a nuee ardente.
Imposing.
Or the classic union, fusion. Or "just" going spining together, far, I hope.
12.What importance do you attribute to sex?
It could be nice. I stay on a childish "innocence" and curiosity idea of
the thing. I find sex to be imperialistic.
13.Are you successfully adjusted to your own sexuality?
Not at all : I have no sexuality, with high needs for. I wonder how monks
manage to concentrate on their bible.
14.What importance do you attribute to physical beauty or ugliness? How do
you think it relates to
spiritual qualities?
As for the beauty scale itself I don't know. But I always find fairly
physically attractive a woman who's spirit appeals to me. Unless...
Some women have high "spiritual qualities" and a really awful body and
such a not graceful face nothing could transfigure (love?) and it's a shame.
15.How close do you want/allow yourself to get to others? How close do
others want to get?
I'm afraid it's more a matter of ability than willing. Others I attract
it's seldom the way I'd like. We are clumsy, and this clumsyness unfortunately
don't turns out into charm. So it takes a lot of time.
16.What kind of person are you attracted to?
I quote my fellows dualism: << With some persons I have the feeling I could
go to the end of the evolution, to any world I could imagine I could
imagine. As hard to understand and even to feel, as upside down, as far from
humanity it may be. With them as they are now. With others
I have the feeling that, as they are right now, I could just go to
the end of the lunch, the year, or their "home", whichever it is. >>
17.When is the first time you fell in love? The last time? How many times
between?
None. Not satisfied I said.
18.What do you think of pornography?
Formal desire (more this, more that) on the unavoidable
but problematic sex drive. I wish I had watch only at the "sensual empire"
(I'm not sure the english title) or films or pictures alike. Maybe it's
the only one alike.
19.What do you think of the majority of men?
I don't understand them (though I find them quite predictable).
20.What do you think of the majority of women?
I try not to think to the majority of women.
21.Are you male or female?
Male.
22.What patterns do you see in your life?
I aim high (very high), then I fail, then I'm not at all well, then I have
to think of something really exciting to get out of the hole,
i.e. I aim high again...
23.How do you envision your own future?
Long term I wouldn't dare.
24.How old do you think you'll live to? How long would you like to live?
About how old are you
now?
The average 75. This morning I thought 120 would be nice.
I'm 24.
25.How do you envision the future of the world?
Geographic distance will be replaced by other forms of distance (language,
specialisation, educationnal levels or specificities...) More
and more boredom unless this boredom itself wakes we up.
And for poor countries... Really I don't know.
Of course it goes from nuclear armagedon to mere regression or various brand
new forms to sink into. But mankind and a lot of species should survive anyway,
and it goes on. How couldn't it?
26.What is most depressing to you?
Slowness. I'm eager for a lightning irreversible stampede (but not toward
destruction or death, if possible).
Unfortunately there will only be
stupid things known for centuries to happen tomorrow. More or less known.
More or less within the circle one can guess by now.
27.What form do your depressions take [direction, symptoms,etc.]?
Sleeping. Or not eating, or not sleeping, or drinking, or any other
classical depressive symptom indeed.
28.How often do you cry?
Last years quite often.
29.Have you ever wanted to kill someone?
Yes.
30.How often do you think of death? What do you think?
I don't know. It should be more... progressive. I don't care my chilhood
mental pictures to disapear, but I'd like a kind of immortality constantly
dying from the past. One after 1000 year wouldn't have anything to do
with the same than a person from an other person. Oh it should be that way.
31.Do you believe in an afterlife?
Not at all.(i tried)
32.Have you ever tried to commit suicide? What do you think of suicide?
No I haven't. But suicide is a good thing. Better than death (before it).
33.Is insanity a solution?
I don't think you go insane because it's "a solution". You go there when you
find no other solution at all. And its probably more like a "no-place" than
a place. However, there are many forms of insanity.
34.How often do you remember your dreams?
Often.
35.What kind of sensory data do your dreams have [which senses, detail,
memory, etc.]?
All, in dispersed order. Sometime I can write pages from a dream, with all
details, topographic datas... This last sense (orientation) could be the most
acute(apart from sight). I also have tasted some "didactic" (much like
honey) and swallowed a spoonful of "little monsters that go out of the head"
(slightly bitter but soft and not unpleasant)
36.Are you present in all of your dreams?
No. I can be an other person (man, woman, child, mutant, zombie),
(don't trie the zombie, it's the most awful thing ever to "live") or
I can be the pure scene.
37.Have you ever died in a dream?
I don't remember. I don't think so. Not really.
38.What importance or significance do you attach to dreams?
Most important. No "significance", only yourself, but a different self.
39.What is your first memory?
Fuuu a green field and sun (i guess).
Wet grass, flowers, insects, scents, fresh wind... paradise.
40.What importance or significance do you attach to memories?
Same as dream. In a way they are one and same thing.
41.What importance do you attribute to life, that is, everything living?
Sometimes not more than for a stone or for nothing. Other times I wonder
if this was a clever thing to do (to be alive). But now we are here.
I respect life for what it is but I don't think it is "sacred".
42.Do you believe in ESP or other paranormal phenomena? What paranormal or
unexplainable
experiences, if any, have you had?
I believe in "structural coherency". This means purely natural (and yet
stirring) phonomena like "deja vu", thelepathie, foresight and so on (that
I appreciate a lot). I dislike the idea of a magic universe because
it is sticking human ideas (with magic comes good and evil...) to what
is inhuman and therefore is the only outside, the only reference
for mankind to move.
(like a human couldn't move without an other human, different)
43.Are animals conscious? Plants? Rocks? What are your feelings about
killing plants and animals to
eat?
There is a continuity (and "side" differences too). When I was 14
I stoped eating meat. The idea of killing an animal...
Now I'm a carnivour again, because I assume the pleasure I get eating meat is
strong enough for me to kill an animal. I must admit I havent' try.
44.Do you believe in God? What do you mean by God?
I don't understand the idea. I have a slight idea of why and how
polytheistic gods could be, but the mighty monotheistic God I can't at all.
45.Do you feel any obligation to work to improve the world?
I feel an obligation to add some turmoil in the world, I feel it is what
it lacks most. There is turmoil, in the trenches, in the dancings, at
wall street, in the heads striving for rest autority money sex or dope.
But it can't be removed, you can't remove the need for movement.
Maybe you can replace one form of movement by another. However, that's
existence of the other that is pulling me, not the replacement.
(though i would be glad enough for insane ones to stop. Of course.
But I won't help and I don't even pray).
46.What do you spend your money on?
... and music, electric drills, european comic books, computer, pencils...
47.What do you get out of any artistic activity you do or see? Why?
Seeing : (a lot of things) and a "virtual place" with other laws and other
freedoms.
I consider writing huge books, to have a place to live in imagination.
I guess it's the only way to develop a whole and complex universe in which
to live 12 hours a day without becoming mad. Expression I am forced
(I dislike it)(not expression, being forced)
48.What importance or significance do you attribute to the imagination?
Vital.
What is vital is desiring things not previously desired. Wanting things which
did't previously existed, even in minds.
49.What importance or significance do you attribute to science?
Like in 42: it gives the outside. I'd prefere to chat with aliens
(probably less stubborn and coarse) but by now only science I found in the
street to give me a solid echo in the face. And we will have to do with it
for a while I'm afraid.
Science too is extension of our body, in time, space, scale, power, mind.
Walking on two legs is an old science, thinking too, speaking too,
we are science.
50.How much time do you spend thinking? What significance do you attribute
to it?
I used to think a lot a lot. Now I don't know, there are more slower processes
important too.
And there is this thing, how does it call... to act ! I thought of that,
I try and it takes an astonishingly vast amount of time and energy.
51.Do you like yourself? Do you think you would like someone else who was you?
I don't think so. I think so (not knowing what he is hiding).
Wait, no, knowing his kind he would certainly manage to spoil our encounter.
In fact we could certainly cooperate together, and it would be fun.
52.Do you like your body? What sense do you most appreciate?
It's ok (for a body).
This long it has served me well and we came to good agreements and complicity.
I appreciate the sense of touch.
53.Do you think you are unusual? How?
Reading the others' test of your test I'm a common guy on earth.
Thu, as many say, "I can't understand how you can live not being me"
As many too, the idea of not being unusual (_unusualy_ unusual) sometimes
gives me angst and well, if a lot of people do think like that, what's the
point? We should all unusualy-unique people join in a super-organism,
then we-I would be unquestionnably unique (and psychotic)
No wait, I prefere to understand how you can live not being me.
It comes.
54.What is important?
Elsewhere. And elsewhere upon elsewhere (more important ever).
That is for me (you guessed) and today. But I couldn't define any
Universal importance criterion.
55.What is the best thing you have ever done?
Not yet, not yet.
56.What is the worst thing you have ever done?
The thing that most troubles me is I abandonned good
friends. He sent me a letter (a great one). He placed confidence in me.
Then I haven't answered yet. (it makes six years now).
I betrayed an unspoken (the most precious) oath.
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