Re: i hate the t.

[Puddles]

Emerging Butterfly wrote:
> On Jul 14, 5:23 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Tue, 14 Jul 2009, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
>>> i hate her right now. i think she's stupid and has no idea what she's
>>> doing or talking about. i hate her.
>> why? what she do or say?
>>
>> -- astri
>>
>> ======================
>> to email send to astri
>> ======================
>> at volcano dot org
>> ======================
>
> spoilered for bdsm talk, s*x talk. ab*se talk.
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> she said the ab*se i went through was about secrecy and that i'm
> continuing that secrecy by not being explicit with her about what my
> behaviors with the bdsm thing are. i talked about being less coaware
> than i thought, and she immediately said maybe an alter had had sexual
> relations with steven and i didn't know about it. i don't think so.
> got bad abreaction thing about dad and secrets and him too close to me
> and secrets and i can't say what else. talked a little about it.
> an alter wrote what we plan to do with this guy later this
> week....well, wrote most of it. she read it and said stuff and asked
> questions. we had switched by the time she was done reading it into
> someone not ashamed and more confident. but she said m#sturb&tion is
> good and healthy, no matter the fantasies, that that would be maybe a
> way for me to get "satisfaction" -- she said nothing to be ashamed of
> and "you're ashamed of stuff even by your own hand" -- gross gross
> gross ick ick ick. why she talking about that??
> and she said everyone has different sexual fantasies and even in
> sitcoms there's often rope or something in the bedroom and that's not
> that unusual.
> said don't have to live asexual life, that that isn't healthy.
>
> but then said also that i'm retraumatizing someone inside by playing
> if someone feels awful about it. said that is abusive to that alter
> but the core me the strong me is not abusive.
> said a lot of things that seemed utterly contradictory and talked
> about gross stuff and
> i left with angry kid
> and came home
> and all i wanted to do was find someone to h*rt me
> and i don't want to go back to her for awhile.
> she hurt me.

can you email this to her? sounds like she hit a sore spot with you.
some of you were hurt, some of you were needing to discuss this and some
of you were not ok with the one who was disclosing.

i try to tell t when others of me are not ok with the conversation. now
he will usually ask if there is somewhere i can put them so that they
don't hear.

but sounds like some of you who should not have heard did hear, and
think t is maybe right, that is being abuse to some of you.

think most all ppl with sa cant be 'satisfied' with other ppl and can only