Not only that.. but..
Melissa Torresan
soon we won't have to worry about him going to this school because he
will be expelled. At age 6. Wonderful.
The shit is going to hit the fan here this weekend, because SO has had
enough. We've tried everything to coerce SK into doing the right thing
at school, and he ignores us. Well, we've come up with a plan. SK is
going to hate it - he won't know what hit him!
Friday night - SK spends the entire evening writing lines "I will not
scratch other children" "I will not hurt other children" until
bedtime, which will be half an hour later than usual
Whole weekend - no playstation, no computer, no television, no Pokemon
videos. Nephew will be here, and he will be allowed all of the above,
and we'll hire him two pokemon videos just to rub it in. SK will spend
that time in his room.
We can't decide if SK should lose the trip to see Santa as well -
methinks that would be punishing Nephew as well because he's been
looking forward to going to see Santa with SK for 2 weeks. We also
can't decide if SK should lose all his toys as well.. comments?
So, is that too harsh? Because if you think that is harsh, you're not
going to like what comes next..
Next time SK hurts anyone at school, he's losing Friday night *and*
all of Saturday.
We can't be there on the spot to give immediate consequences and SK
knows that. What we can do is make sure he has a reason to do the
right thing at school, and that there will be consequences here as
well as at home and at school. Last weekend we put him on trust and
told him that if it happened again, we were going to come down hard -
and that didn't work. So he has totally lost MY trust, and I'm
thinking maybe I should put bandaids over all ten of his fingernails
(no matter how you cut them they are still very sharp) when we go
anywhere this weekend to show him that if he can't be trusted, then we
have to treat him like a wild animal that knows no better.
I don't think this kid has a conscience. I don't think he cares about
hurting other kids. I have no idea how to *grow* him a conscience, so
if anyone has a clue, please tell me!
Mel
---------------------------------------------------
Melissa Torresan
sm...@crosswinds.net
---------------------------------------------------
Someone
that punishment that is productive and teaches a lesson is better than
punishment that makes them feel worse than they might already.
I think the band-aids over the nails is a bad idea. No kid, even one with
an underactive conscience, wants to be treated that way. I don't know, it
just strikes me as a bad idea.
I think having privileges taken away is fine, but perhaps have him write a
letter of apology to the kid he scratched instead of writing lines over and
over (the repetition may undermine the meaning of the words) would be more
productive.
Does he understand the impact of being expelled? Is he fully aware of the
full range of consequences his actions have?
P.S. I'd still take him and nephew to see Santa, but he should not leave
your (or DH's) side.
Melissa Torresan <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in article
<383d38f3...@news.bigpond.com>...
: SK got into trouble today AGAIN for scratching another kid. I guess
:
Anne Haas
I agree. It struck me as a bad idea also. It seems to me that is too much
humiliation for a 6 year to deal with.
>I think having privileges taken away is fine, but perhaps have him write a
>letter of apology to the kid he scratched instead of writing lines over and
>over <snip>
I agree with this one also. I think a letter of apology would be much more
effective.
I was just wondering how effective it would be for you to slip a note to Santa
about him being a "naughty" boy sometimes. After all, Santa is supposed to
know when we are all being naughty or nice. :-)
Anne H.
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might
be the world."
jane lawrence
on that. I grew up Catholic. Their policy is that you're not
cooked until seven. Then you make your First Communion and
start sinning.
I understand you're frustrated about SS. You seem to me to be
having a lot of trouble accepting that you can't make SS
behave. In fact, this echoes your posts about BM. You can't
make her be civil or nice or fair. You can't make SS behave,
either.
You may disagree, but punishing him on the weekends is like
yelling at SO for marrying BM in the first place. It is NOT
helpful.
In the first place, you cannot *trust* SS to be anything but a
six year old. He's not a rational, fully-functioning adult.
He's a little kid. Cause and effect is a tricky concept.
Kindness is learned over a life time. Empathy comes to some of
us later and more powerfully than to others. It doesn't sound
to me as though your SS is there at all. Why the hell should he
care if he hurts others? It doesn't hurt him. That doesn't
make him serial killer material. It just indicates that he
hasn't gained the emotional maturity to grasp the Golden Rule.
It takes time, and patience, and a lot of work to raise a child
to be a moral human adult. Getting all frustrated and reactive
isn't going to help you gently guide him there.
In the second place, your punishment is not a logical
consequence of his actions. Do you remember the three unties
from Humanities class? Frankly, I never got the point in terms
of plays. However, I find them very helpful to keep in mind
when it comes to parenting younger children. IMVE, consequences
"connect" best for kids if there is unity of time, place, and
action. When SS scratches another kid, if he is going to
connect a consequence with his own action, the consequence
should happen right then, right there, and be directly related
to the act of scratching. So basically, - and I'm having a few
problems here with the many hours I have spent explaining to my
daughter why she can't hit people back - the best consequence
for teaching a child of SS's emotional age why he shouldn't
scratch is for the victim to scratch him right back.
Obviously, you need alternatives to that. But it seems to me
that further you get away from any of the "unties" the less
effective your discipline will be. You lose the opportunity to
show the kid the connection between cause and effect, his action
and the repercussions, with every step away physically,
temporally, and logically.
Now take your plan. You've got a kid who clearly doesn't "get
it." He's got some emotional problems and is acting out in
school. Not that he understands that he's acting out. I am
certain that he has no clue why he scratches other kids. Next
time he is in that situation, is there any chance at all that he
is going to connect missing his trip to Santa with the immediate
issue of wanting to beat the crap out of his classmate? Not
bloody likely. If the last kid he scratched punched him in his
nose, caused him great pain, and made him bleed, that might make
him think twice. If the teacher told him that scratching was not
allowed and sent him in from recess, it might make an
impression.
Trust me. Forcing the kid to write "I will not hurt other
children," even for the most kinesthetic learners, will not make
a six year old believe that he should not hurt other children.
You might just as well have him write, "Daddy hates me" or "Mel
is a bitch." There is no connection in time, place, or action.
In his mind, the punishment has nothing at all to do with the
crime.
jane
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>>I think the band-aids over the nails is a bad idea.
>
>I agree. It struck me as a bad idea also. It seems to me that is too much
>humiliation for a 6 year to deal with.
Ok.. perhaps I did give you the impression that I would actually do
it.. but I wouldn't.. and I'm not just saying that in hindsight.
Although I do think if the scratching continues, gloves might be an
idea! Mittens, even..
>>I think having privileges taken away is fine, but perhaps have him write a
>>letter of apology to the kid he scratched instead of writing lines over and
>>over <snip>
>
>I agree with this one also. I think a letter of apology would be much more
>effective.
He's already had to write letters of apology for this particular
crime.. the school makes them do that. SO and I make him do it for
something that we see him do here..
>I was just wondering how effective it would be for you to slip a note to Santa
>about him being a "naughty" boy sometimes. After all, Santa is supposed to
>know when we are all being naughty or nice. :-)
We told him that Santa sees all, and he's going to have to behave if
he wants the things he asked for. Santa asked him "Have you been a
good boy?" and SK admitted he hadn't, and Santa said "I knew that, but
I was giving you the chance to tell me, so be on your best behaviour
and I'll see what I can do about your presents".. :) SK and SO walked
out, and I thanked Santa heartily! He just winked..
For some reason, I've not got the post you were replying to.. :( I
know it was from Someone because I looked it up on Dejanews..
Mel
>Anne H.
>
>"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might
>be the world."
---------------------------------------------------
Melissa Torresan
sm...@crosswinds.net
---------------------------------------------------
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>I understand you're frustrated about SS. You seem to me to be
>having a lot of trouble accepting that you can't make SS
>behave. In fact, this echoes your posts about BM. You can't
>make her be civil or nice or fair. You can't make SS behave,
>either.
No, we can't make him behave.. it is one thing that it outside my
circle of control (as is BM) but we can give him reasons to behave,
and consequences for not behaving. Something that was pretty
interesting about this incident - it happened on the same day he
scratched someone last time, and when he did that, he got the next day
off school (suspended), and we didn't punish him, although we did tell
him doing it again would mean punishment. I don't really think that SK
stops and thinks before he acts, but if he did, he might have thought
"If I scratch someone today, I'll get the day off tomorrow.."
>You may disagree, but punishing him on the weekends is like
>yelling at SO for marrying BM in the first place. It is NOT
>helpful.
Well we can't win either way.. and I don't understand! If we do
nothing, we're disneyland parents.. if we punish him.. its not
helpful?
>In the first place, you cannot *trust* SS to be anything but a
>six year old. He's not a rational, fully-functioning adult.
>He's a little kid. Cause and effect is a tricky concept.
>Kindness is learned over a life time. Empathy comes to some of
>us later and more powerfully than to others. It doesn't sound
>to me as though your SS is there at all. Why the hell should he
>care if he hurts others? It doesn't hurt him. That doesn't
>make him serial killer material. It just indicates that he
>hasn't gained the emotional maturity to grasp the Golden Rule.
>It takes time, and patience, and a lot of work to raise a child
>to be a moral human adult. Getting all frustrated and reactive
>isn't going to help you gently guide him there.
I don't know that we're having any effect at all, because BM is
telling him the opposite to what we are telling him, and he must be
confused by that.
>In the second place, your punishment is not a logical
>consequence of his actions. Do you remember the three unties
>from Humanities class? Frankly, I never got the point in terms
>of plays. However, I find them very helpful to keep in mind
>when it comes to parenting younger children. IMVE, consequences
>"connect" best for kids if there is unity of time, place, and
>action. When SS scratches another kid, if he is going to
>connect a consequence with his own action, the consequence
>should happen right then, right there, and be directly related
>to the act of scratching. So basically, - and I'm having a few
>problems here with the many hours I have spent explaining to my
>daughter why she can't hit people back - the best consequence
>for teaching a child of SS's emotional age why he shouldn't
>scratch is for the victim to scratch him right back.
I agree with the above, but as you know, we're not there at the time
it happens. we're not even there that night. I dont know what we
should do.. but the one thing that seems to upset him is in taking
away the playstation. He only gets to use it when he's here, and its
the first thing he asks to do on arrival. So we told him that - if he
can get through the next two weeks without hurting anyone at school,
he can use the playstation when he is here. If not, he can't. He cried
about that, but nothing else we had to say had much effect.
>Obviously, you need alternatives to that. But it seems to me
>that further you get away from any of the "unties" the less
>effective your discipline will be. You lose the opportunity to
>show the kid the connection between cause and effect, his action
>and the repercussions, with every step away physically,
>temporally, and logically.
>
>Now take your plan. You've got a kid who clearly doesn't "get
>it." He's got some emotional problems and is acting out in
>school. Not that he understands that he's acting out. I am
>certain that he has no clue why he scratches other kids. Next
>time he is in that situation, is there any chance at all that he
>is going to connect missing his trip to Santa with the immediate
>issue of wanting to beat the crap out of his classmate? Not
>bloody likely. If the last kid he scratched punched him in his
>nose, caused him great pain, and made him bleed, that might make
>him think twice. If the teacher told him that scratching was not
>allowed and sent him in from recess, it might make an
>impression.
I agree - but what we also need to do is teach him to think before he
acts. If he loses the playstation enough times, and he really wants to
use it, then before hurting someone else, he might think "No
playstation if I do this.." How else do you make him learn when you're
not there on the spot? I think the school does not deal with the
problems effectively, and I think that every time he hurts another
child, he should lose recess and lunch for that day and the next..
which is on the agenda at school for the future. What they are doing
at the moment, is they have a chart for him, and when he gets ten
ticks, he gets a sticker. Not a huge incentive to behave, is it?
>Trust me. Forcing the kid to write "I will not hurt other
>children," even for the most kinesthetic learners, will not make
>a six year old believe that he should not hurt other children.
>You might just as well have him write, "Daddy hates me" or "Mel
>is a bitch." There is no connection in time, place, or action.
>In his mind, the punishment has nothing at all to do with the
>crime.
All I know is, SK told me he hates writing lines. :)
Mel
>jane
Jennaii
WAS a day off.
For me? It meant cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, raking the leaves,
cooking the meals, time consuming "spring cleaning". I literally had to clean
ALL DAY. I HATED being suspended.
> it happened on the same day he
>scratched someone last time, and when he did that, he got the next day
>off school (suspended), and we didn't punish him, although we did tell
>him doing it again would mean punishment. I don't really think that SK
>stops and thinks before he acts, but if he did, he might have thought
>"If I scratch someone today, I'll get the day off tomorrow.."
>
>
Jennaii
Melissa Torresan
>There were kids I went to school with that LOVED being suspended. For them it
>WAS a day off.
I think thats the way SK saw it, too. He spent the day at BM's parents
(because she was busy working) and of course, they didn't punish him!
They *probably* spoiled him silly..
>For me? It meant cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, raking the leaves,
>cooking the meals, time consuming "spring cleaning". I literally had to clean
>ALL DAY. I HATED being suspended.
I was never once suspended from school.. :) but I can imagine how it
would have been if I had. Pretty similar to what it was like for you!
Mel
Anne Haas
>he wants the things he asked for. Santa asked him "Have you been a
>good boy?" and SK admitted he hadn't, and Santa said "I knew that, but
>I was giving you the chance to tell me, so be on your best behaviour
>and I'll see what I can do about your presents".. :) SK and SO walked
>out, and I thanked Santa heartily! He just winked..
Nice Santa. :-) Hope SK is on his best behavior the next few weeks.
Jennaii
it). Got suspended for cutting class once... (the vice principal revoked that
one tho cuz I begged to stay in school....) The punishments my parents came up
with were far worse than the punishments the school came up with.
>I was never once suspended from school.. :) but I can imagine how it
>would have been if I had. Pretty similar to what it was like for you!
>
Anne Robotti
place when she's with her mother at their house, period. We've
stopped punishing her for behavior that takes place at school unless
the behavior occurred while she was at school during our visitation
or when we picked her up after school. Because it never seemed to
help her behavior, and we were spending all our time punishing her.
Some weekends *we* would sit around without TV because she was
grounded and couldn't leave the apartment and was grounded from TV.
Both by BM. Once she grounded SD from helping us decorate our
Christmas tree. That year was a wakeup call, believe me.
But I digress. I talk to SD about her behavior. I try to help her understand
what she was feeling at the time, and what courses of action might have
been better. Too often, it seems, she just doesn't know. And I think that's
because her mother and teachers don't actually talk to her about the behavior,
they're at the "IN THE CORNER! NOW" or instant spanking point. And
that's a shame. But, to a certain extent, I see it as not my problem. If BM was
willing for us to be half of a parenting unit, and we could go over there at
night, sit down at the kitchen table, all talk about SD's behavior and then talk
to SD about her behavior, I would make that hour drive twice a week. But,
the fact is, BM wants us to perform two functions. The ATM function, and the
"REALLY BAD GUY" function. Kind of like a "wait 'til Daddy gets hold of
you." thing. And we all know how well *that's* going to work if Daddy is two
weeks away.
When we had SD for a month because BM's mother was dying, the first three
days I went to school every day because SD had gotten a bad report. The
teacher told me she had gotten a bad report *every day* for three weeks. SD
handed me the report, I said, "What's this?" She explained that she had misbe-
haved that day and had to have this piece of paper signed. I turned around,
marched her back to the classroom, had her explain her behavior to me in front
of the teacher, apologize to the teacher, and I told the teacher that SD would be
writing her a note of apology that night, and every night that there was a bad
report. And she did. The second and third day she got a "Fair", I think. Not bad,
but not good. Two more (short) meetings with the teacher, two more notes. No
more bad reports. Then BM came back and of course I would have no way of
knowing whether that behavior stuck with SD. But, I know that for the time she
was with us it worked like a charm because we reinforced it at home too.
What I'm trying to say is, you don't see SS a lot, just like we don't see SD a lot.
That makes it much harder to accomplish what you're trying to accomplish. I don't
think it makes you a bad parent if you stop punishing him for things that don't even
happen when you're around. I think it's a BIG leap for a six year old to say, "Gee,
if I hit this kid now in the heat of anger I won't be able to play PlayStation in two
weeks."
DH finally had a talk with BM after we spent a whole weekend not able to take
SD anywhere. He said, "Don't expect us to enforce any more punishments that
you haven't spoken to us about. You have a choice. Either talk to us first and get
our input, or have your punishments ignored at our house and look like an idiot
in front of SD. Take your pick."
Anne
jane lawrence wrote:
> Melissa Torresan wrote:
> >
> > >Trust me. Forcing the kid to write "I will not hurt other
> > >children," even for the most kinesthetic learners, will not make
> > >a six year old believe that he should not hurt other children.
> > >You might just as well have him write, "Daddy hates me" or "Mel
> > >is a bitch." There is no connection in time, place, or action.
> > >In his mind, the punishment has nothing at all to do with the
> > >crime.
> >
> > All I know is, SK told me he hates writing lines. :)
>
> I know, but the goal is not to have SS doing things he hates
> while he's with you. The goal is to help him figure out what
> the hell he's supposed to be doing.
>
> I am not a child development expert. All I am going by is my
> experience. However, I am certain that punishing SS for things
> he did when he wasn't with you is far more likely to teach him
> that being with you is a bad thing than it is to teach him that
> he should not repeat the behavior.
>
> I'm not explaining this well at all. I'm sorry. I hope someone
> else can explain it better.
>
> jane
jane lawrence
>
> On Sat, 27 Nov 1999 07:00:01 -0800, jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com>
> wrote:
>
>
> Well we can't win either way.. and I don't understand! If we do
> nothing, we're disneyland parents.. if we punish him.. its not
> helpful?
You influence him and teach him things while you are with him.
When SS kicks his GM you handle it. Personally, I don't believe
that kids his age necessarily grasp the distinction between
punishment and earning privileges, but as long as you're
handling it right there and right then, I think he should be
able to grasp that you don't want the behavior to happen again.
Other than that, you can talk to him about his week and comment,
but my experience with kids his age is that they often remember
about 20 minutes of the week. When he's older, it'll be easier.
>
> >In the first place, you cannot *trust* SS to be anything but a
> >six year old. He's not a rational, fully-functioning adult.
>
snip
> I agree with the above, but as you know, we're not there at the time
> it happens. we're not even there that night. I dont know what we
> should do.. but the one thing that seems to upset him is in taking
> away the playstation. He only gets to use it when he's here, and its
> the first thing he asks to do on arrival. So we told him that - if he
> can get through the next two weeks without hurting anyone at school,
> he can use the playstation when he is here. If not, he can't. He cried
> about that, but nothing else we had to say had much effect.
>
I don't see that that had much effect either. You're succeeding
in upsetting, but that doesn't seem to be helping him control
his behavior at all.
> >Obviously, you need alternatives to that. But it seems to me
> >that further you get away from any of the "unties" the less
> >effective your discipline will be. You lose the opportunity to
> >show the kid the connection between cause and effect, his action
> >and the repercussions, with every step away physically,
> >temporally, and logically.
> >
> >Now take your plan. You've got a kid who clearly doesn't "get
> >it." He's got some emotional problems and is acting out in
> >school. Not that he understands that he's acting out. I am
> >certain that he has no clue why he scratches other kids. Next
> >time he is in that situation, is there any chance at all that he
> >is going to connect missing his trip to Santa with the immediate
> >issue of wanting to beat the crap out of his classmate? Not
> >bloody likely. If the last kid he scratched punched him in his
> >nose, caused him great pain, and made him bleed, that might make
> >him think twice. If the teacher told him that scratching was not
> >allowed and sent him in from recess, it might make an
> >impression.
>
> I agree - but what we also need to do is teach him to think before he
> acts.
Do you think that is something that can be taught? I'm not sure
it is. Maybe if you're right there, you can get the kid's
attention and try to get him to look at possible consequences.
Other people here might know of helpful techniques. I don't
think that there is anything you can do on the weekend with this
kid that will effect his impulsiveness in the moment he's
scratching another kid.
> If he loses the playstation enough times, and he really wants to
> use it, then before hurting someone else, he might think "No
> playstation if I do this.."
I don't think that's right. Where this kid is right now, I
don't think it will have any effect on his behavior next week at
all.
> How else do you make him learn when you're
> not there on the spot?
I honestly don't think you can. With luck, what you do teach
him on the spot will carry over. Maybe if you're effective in
handling the situation when he kicks his grandmother, he will
learn something that carries over to school. Maybe if you work
with him when he loses his temper when he is with you, then he
will develop skills for controlling his temper that HE can apply
when he's about to scratch someone.
I understand this is frustrating. I understand that you want to
do something. Despite that, there just isn't a whole hell of a
lot you can do. SS has to learn how to control his behavior
when he is experiencing violent emotions. He can only learn it
when he is actually feeling those emotions. You and I can sit
around and think about how we will deal with the next time
someone really pisses us off, but SS can't yet. He doesn't have
that ability to connect things over time. He still lives in the
moment.
> I think the school does not deal with the
> problems effectively, and I think that every time he hurts another
> child, he should lose recess and lunch for that day and the next..
I think that even the next day is too far off. In his mind, the
punishment has nothing to do with that moment where he lost his
temper or was careless. He'll just think, "I'm bad. I'm always
in trouble. I'm scum." He won't think, "I better be more
careful/control my temper or this will happen to me again."
> which is on the agenda at school for the future. What they are doing
> at the moment, is they have a chart for him, and when he gets ten
> ticks, he gets a sticker. Not a huge incentive to behave, is it?
Actually, this seems to work to some extent. The praise comes
immediately after good behavior. Every little tick and sticker
is evidence that he's really good. I know it sounds weird, but
kids who think of themselves as good, tick-and-sticker-getting
kids, can sometimes hold that in the forefront of their mind
when they're dealing with difficult moments.
>
> >Trust me. Forcing the kid to write "I will not hurt other
> >children," even for the most kinesthetic learners, will not make
> >a six year old believe that he should not hurt other children.
> >You might just as well have him write, "Daddy hates me" or "Mel
> >is a bitch." There is no connection in time, place, or action.
> >In his mind, the punishment has nothing at all to do with the
> >crime.
>
> All I know is, SK told me he hates writing lines. :)
I know, but the goal is not to have SS doing things he hates
ma...@sympatico.ca
> Melissa Torresan wrote:
> > Well we can't win either way.. and I don't understand! If we do
> > nothing, we're disneyland parents.. if we punish him.. its not
> > helpful?
Ok, this is kind of a left-field suggestion, but maybe it will help.
I was an impulsive and sometimes violent kid, and one of the reasons that
punishment didn't help was because I really didn't know why I was doing
what I was doing, and I didn't have a lot of warning that I was going to
blow -- certainly not enough warning to *decide*, in any kind of
meaningful, adult sense, if I was going to do this or not. Later, I
couldn't for the life of me explain myself. Is this sounding at all
right? Another reason was lack of options -- often, asking nicely on the
playground gets you the broken swing eight days in a row. He has to be
able to do something when he isn't getting what he wants. (Doesn't mean
he should always *get* what he wants, just that he needs acceptable ways
to *try* that have some prospect of working.)
A friend of mine has a son (now nine-ish) who had similar problems,
mostly because he'd been hit himself, and encouraged to 'be a little man
and fight back' by his BD. What I've talked about below helped, slowly.
It honestly sounds as if you might be 'trying to teach him to fly' -- he
*should* be able not to hit at his age, but it sounds as if he *isn't*
able, yet.
Can you shift the focus from "if he is violent, I will have to punish
him, because he has to learn not to do it" to "if he is violent, I will
have to STOP him, because he can't stop himself"?
You have to be calm for this, or at least make youself act calm.
Step one -- Just stop him. Take physical control of him -- gently. Get
him somewhere away from the other party and quiet. Go and comfort the
person who's been hit first, then turn back to him. Use 'time in" rather
than "time out". Tell him that you will help him not to hurt people,
because you know he isn't big enough yet to do it alone. Tell him you
will keep him, and everyone around him, safe. Don't punish, don't even
react -- just stop him.
You may actually find that he is grateful and relieved.
If that works, after a few rounds, when he seems used to being stopped,
you can move to step two -- try to get "don't hit -- yell!" into his head
as a mantra. See if you can get a good, loud, healthy "That makes me
MAD!" out of him. Remind him when you see him get angry -- "what do we
do when we're angry?" Praise him when he yells instead of hits (it's easy
to see yelling as another undesirable behaviour -- but everybody has to
do *something* when they're mad, and I don't think he's ready for
'discuss this reasonably' or 'write it in your journal.'
(Though you could get him a 'mad book', large, strong paper, suitable for
scribbling furiously in, everything up to and including words he is
never, ever to actually SAY permitted, nay, encouraged. Big, fat, hard-to
break crayons. It's a supplement, though -- he's not going to drop an
argument to go scribble, not at his age. You can use it when he's had to
be separated from others, though -- okay, show me how mad you are. He may
start at some point to use it on his own.)
Help him figure out other ways to get what he wants. Add "that's not
yours; it's mine and I want it back!' "It's my turn!" "I don't want to
share right now!" and other such things to his 'angry vocabulary'. (Yes,
this may mean he yells at grown-ups when he is angry at them -- but he
won't be yelling abuse, and I would far rather have a six-year old
yelling "I want my snack now and I am really angry that I can't have it"
than deal with hitting or a general screaming fit.)
Watch out for other kids in the household deciding, once he's stopped
hitting, to get a little revenge.
Once he knows he has options, and gets some practice in using them,
negative and positive consequences will likely be more effective.
There's a great book, I can't at the moment remember the author's name,
called "When Your Kids Drive You Crazy".
Highly recomended reading.
Hope this is at least a little helpful,
Marna
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