the "ex" factor
youngstepmom
months ago. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship. He has a
daughter from a previous relationship. She's beautiful, and funny... I've
known her most of her young life, and we get along great. We adore each
other, and I feel very blessed for that. The thing is his daughters mother
is the craziest person I've ever met. Changes jobs all the time, moves
(with daughter) every few months. Her behavior is exremely erratic, she's
constantly wanting more money from us and when I pick St Daughter up alone
she bad mouths my husband into pieces and is always pitty me, when she
makes more money then we do. I have said from the beginning I will do
anything for this little girl...as long as she feels loved and supported
from everyone...I love her very much. But for some reason lately, I have
begun to hate her mother more and more(and I don't hate anyone). I haven't
gone with my husband to pick her up in a while, I just can't stand to look
at her. I mean before I was able to do what I had to do and now she makes
me sick to my stomach. She has done a lot to hurt my husband and his
family but I thought I could look past it for the little one. I feel like
I'm beginning to resent my husband for having a daughter(young father-had
her when he was 19)because we have to deal with this woman all the time. I
have even sterted to compare myself to her. I am making my self depressed
and physically sick over this. Does anyone have some insite on what I'm
feeling?? How do I deal???Help!!
ni...@impactwp.com
"youngstepmom" <siwb...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:120c01f059ea4c30...@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com...
Funny, I used to experience this to some extent. My DH has two children with
two different women. When I met him BM1 was the mother of my SS, then 5
years old and my SD was only 6 months old. He didn't get access to his
daughter until she was 18 months old, and BM2 used to insist on coming on
visitation. What tended to happen was that DH couldn't deal with BM2 at all,
and she'd latch onto me, following me around all day, complaining about my
(then) boyfriend, what a bastard he was blah blah blah. I actually used to
go and BE physically sick sometimes. I think perhaps you're similar to me -
are you stomach-sensitive emotionally anyway? If I cry - I can often be
sick. If I'm upset, ill etc - it's always goes to my stomach - and I think
BM2 just affected me badly.
Essentially I did what you've done, I waited desperately for the day when
she didn't have to come on visitation anymore - which happened when we
realised that all she did was come to my MIL's house and get drunk anyway
and my SD was 2.5. Then we'd minimise contact with her - now I see her once
a year, if that? (My SD is now 10 years old). If you have to see her, I'd
suggest imagining a mirror in front of your stomach, sending her negativity
back to her, or screen yourself in another way that's comfortable to you.
Heck even stand there with your hand over your solar plexus, refusing to let
her negativity come through.
As to the thinking about her - you have to make a concerted effort to stop.
I never had this problem with BM2 - but I hate, hate, hated BM1 with every
ounce of my being for years. I woke up one morning and realised that hate
really is akin to love and I simply didn't want to spend that much emotional
energy on her anymore. I also realised how much my bad energy was
contributing to destroying our situation. So I stopped. Everytime I thought
about her, I changed my mind and thought about something nice instead. If I
got mad about something she'd done I'd give myself 5 mins to hate the bitch
and then let it go with a deep breath. I spent a lot of energy into
reframing what she'd done into something positive for me - eg: the bitch
isn't letting SD come here this weekend, oh well I can have my husband to
myself. It's a lot of hard work, but SO worth it.
HTH
Nikki
jane
>her when he was 19)because we have to deal with this woman all the time. I
>have even sterted to compare myself to her. I am making my self depressed
>and physically sick over this. Does anyone have some insite on what I'm
>feeling?? How do I deal???Help!!
Keep looking in that mirror. It makes people insane to think that they're like
the evil ex. But really, we choose our mates for reasons. Our mates chose us
and their exes for reasons. There are always similarities between us. It is
extremely unpleasant to realize that what you hate about her is what you hate
about you. But, there you go - that's life.
jane
Anne Robotti
>Keep looking in that mirror. It makes people insane to think that they're like
>the evil ex. But really, we choose our mates for reasons. Our mates chose us
>and their exes for reasons. There are always similarities between us. It is
>extremely unpleasant to realize that what you hate about her is what you hate
>about you. But, there you go - that's life.
"Woman In Hormonal Rage Kills Overly Truthful Friend"
Anne
heather m.
oz slowly screaming and melting.
Heather
"Anne Robotti" <arob...@deletemelscomm.net> wrote in message
news:tjni805mj90jagqm9...@4ax.com...
jane
>
>Anne
>
I am reassured by those 3000 miles and the fact that your swing is limited by
the baby at your breast. Otherwise, I'd be relying on the chihuahua, the rat,
and the cat to defend me.
jane