newbie
germainldd
I'm new to the group. Anyone out there in my situation? My kids are grown
(21 and 32). My DH has two (7 and 10) with visitation. No anger not
fighting with the exes, that is all behind us. As "they" say, "been there,
done that", but some frustrations on day to day issues and I would love to
have someone else out there to chat with in a similar situation.
Thanks,
OttawaL
Wanda
"germainldd" <germa...@rogers.com> wrote in message
news:Qiwec.96022$SQE....@news01.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com...
Hi,
I think that covers most of us in here. Although, a lot do still have
problems with the ex's in one way or another. So come on in and chat a
while.
Wanda
jane
> I'm new to the group.
Welcome.
jane
>OttawaL
germainldd
and how to reply to a thread. There seem to be a lot of inside jokes. How
long have most people been posting here?
OL
"jane" <janel...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040412215201...@mb-m11.aol.com...
Vicki Robinson
>I guess I will take awhile figuring out all the pneumonic devises used here,
>and how to reply to a thread. There seem to be a lot of inside jokes. How
>long have most people been posting here?
Seven years, for me.
Vicki
--
Just to think I used to worry about things like that.
Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny
'til I wound up poor and fat.
-Delbert McClinton
Anne Robotti
Robinson) wrote:
>In a previous article, "germainldd" <germa...@rogers.com> said:
>
>>I guess I will take awhile figuring out all the pneumonic devises used here,
>>and how to reply to a thread. There seem to be a lot of inside jokes. How
>>long have most people been posting here?
>
>Seven years, for me.
Sorry dude, I came along nine years ago and you were well-established
already. 1995 was my first post.
Anne
Vicki Robinson
Nope. You came, left and then came back. I showed up in the interim.
I came because a) I was stalking Kim, and b) I had just married a man
with children, and I know I did that in 1997.
Wanda
than I post though.
Wanda
"germainldd" <germa...@rogers.com> wrote in message
news:QHifc.15531$2oI1....@twister01.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com...
The Watsons
"Wanda" <Div...@charter.net> wrote in message
news:107rtlo...@corp.supernews.com...
> I don't know how long I have been here. Maybe a year or two. I read more
> than I post though.
> Wanda
'bout the same for me, i think...:)
Jess
Geri and sometimes Brian
Almost six for me.
~~Geri~~
Rally Monkey 1-0
Kathleen
whole lot... but I've been here.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen
--
There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for
bread.
~ Mother Teresa
jane
>and how to reply to a thread. There seem to be a lot of inside jokes. How
>long have most people been posting here?
>OL
You mean the abbreviations?
http://www.impactwebpub.com/assp/abbrevs.htm
I've been here 6 years.
jane
Deborah M Riel
Geri and sometimes Brian <gple...@aol.comGOBIGRED> wrote:
>>> I don't know how long I have been here. Maybe a year or two.
>
>Almost six for me.
>
>~~Geri~~
>
And I remember when you first came, so it's whatever amount of time
longer than that for me. Something was wrong with my ability to post
for quite awhile, though, and nothing showed up. I'd post to all
these groups I belonged to, and the posts all just disappeared, so I
mostly lurked. Whatever was wrong at some point magically corrected itself.
I think it had something to do with a time when I asked that some of
my posts be removed from another group, and for a couple of years
after that, all my posts to any support group were automatically
deleted.
Deb R.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
germainldd
> >I guess I will take awhile figuring out all the pneumonic devises used
here,
> >and how to reply to a thread. There seem to be a lot of inside jokes.
How
> >long have most people been posting here?
> >OL
>
can think of is overtime. And BF? Well that I can't even post :)
You mean the abbreviations? <<Yes. Most I can figure out, but OT? All I
can think of is overtime. And BF? Well that I can't even post :)
OL
Hanah
it at all. It's totally changed the relationship and now they ARE ALWAYS
THERE (as I know and expect kids to be). I just never wanted any at all
and now there are 2. God, I just think it'll get better and it's not. I
know I should bail but in June I will see if the will be full time (as
they are full time TEMP.) now. But, I can't stand it and I don't think
it's ever going to get better.
Vicki Robinson
Even if he doesn't get full custody in June he'll have visitation, and
full custody has a way of just happening when you least expect it
anyway. Being a step-parent is like being vice-president; you're only
one breath away from the full-time job.
My advice? Bail and find a man who doesn't have kids. You'll be
doing a disservice to this nice man whom you love if you don't. Don't
leave him feeling stretched between his kids and you. It's really not
fair.
Hanah
really all that easy. He knows exactly how I feel.
Vicki Robinson
>Well we were together before the kids came into the picture so it's not
>really all that easy. He knows exactly how I feel.
Are you saying that you were together before those children were born?
(I'm guessing not.) Because those kids have been in the picture since
they have existed.
It's good that you have good communication and he knows how you feel.
But still, how do you reconcile hating having them around with the
fact that they might be with you permanently? I don't just mean after
June; right offhand I can think of several people in this group
(possibly me included) who suddenly have full-time custody of children
whom we thought were going to be part-time. Biomoms have health
issues, they die, they just decide they've had enough. Kids decide
that they want to live with Dad instead of Mom. There are *many*
reasons that those children might be with you full-time even if the
court decides in June that they won't be. Things can change in the
blink of an eye.
He has kids. Until they are grown and independent, he is three
people. You can't have the man without the kids. They depend on him,
he *can't* get rid of them. If you hate having kids around, you
should find a man who doesn't have them, and let your boyfriend find a
woman who will want his children in her life. Love does *not* solve
all problems, sadly enough.
_calinda_
Excuse me Hanah. But unless you've been having an affair for over
ten years with this man, His Children were in the picture LONG
before you were in the picture.
You sound like a spoiled little brat that isn't getting her way.
Your attitude that you've shown today is disgusting, IMO.
Ever imagine that maybe the stress of being shuffled around by
parents (for whatever reason), might be the cause of the bedwetting
and other behaviors?
I feel sorry for him and his children. Those children would be best
if they weren't forced to live with someone who openly hates them as
you seem to.
Cal~
Hanah
"part time" I'm an only child, my parents are only children and I am 39
and have never had children so I am not used to sharing time. They are
nice kids and I am so glad their father wants them-they deserve that. Like
I said it's just an adjustment having them full time and 'us' not having
time. Thank you.
Hanah
not bashing. So thank you very much but no thank you. You guys can just
know it all and speak amongst yourselves. No ned to reply as I will not be
visiting this sight again.
Hanah
being honest. A spoiled brat would stay and just be mean to them and
ignore them. I am asking for honest help here. So please CAL do not give
your advise to anyone else.
Geri and sometimes Brian
>really all that easy. He knows exactly how I feel.
What will you do if whoever has majority custody of the kids becomes
incapacitated or dies and full-custody reverts to your boyfriend. You will be
stuck in a lifestyle you don't want. Move on now.
~~Geri~~
Throw Big Red!
Kathleen
damage that these kinds of attitudes have on OUR kids, and it hits a
little too close to home.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen
--
There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for
bread.
~ Mother Teresa
: You know I do not need the sarcasim. I came on to this site for some
:
_calinda_
You don't want advice then don't post. If you want people to tell
you want you want to hear, then you've come to the wrong place.
You didn't want honest help. You want to this father to throw his
children aside for YOU.
I've seen the effects that this can have on children First Hand,
thank you very much. My ex married a stupid woman like you, one who
didn't want children but openly took up with a man who had two. He
did choose her over them for the most part and it's *sickening* to
see then damage that has caused.
It infuriates me that people like you will take up with a parent
then piss and moan that the kids are interfering with their fucking
lives.
You don't want children to interfere, then get a fucking clue and
get the HELL out of their lives.
They would be so much better off without you trying to come between
their father and them.
Cal~
Vicki Robinson
>You don't want children to interfere, then get a fucking clue and
>get the HELL out of their lives.
>
>They would be so much better off without you trying to come between
>their father and them.
Heh. Cal, quit pulling your punches! Tell her how you really feel!
The Watsons
"Hanah" <rece...@wedbush.com> wrote in message
news:661c859e612b5978...@localhost.talkaboutparenting.com...
perhaps the kindest suggestion i've got it to make sure that you and your
partner schedule time for each other once a week or so for just you
two...otherwise, i don't have any other advice for you....
Jess
heather m.
"_calinda_" <calinda...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:c69ggn$9u424$1...@ID-178943.news.uni-berlin.de...
You go get 'em super mom. *hugs* ((((Cal))))
Heather
>
>
ni...@impactwp.com
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.comGOBIGRED> wrote in message
news:20040422153628...@mb-m17.aol.com...
Geri's right. I remember talking to my Mom in early 1996 about the problems
my boyfriend was having not being allowed to see his son because his mother
was on a slippery slope of drug taking etc. Mom said 'I don't know why you
spend so much energy worrying about this kid it's not like he's ever going
to live with you or anything'. On Saturday the 11th of May 1996 we finally
saw the child who told us his Mom had gone into hospital 4 weeks ago and he
was living with his maternal grandmother. On the Monday the 13th of May that
grandmother finally told my boyfriend the Mom had gone missing four weeks
earlier and that she couldn't look after the boy any longer. On Tuesday the
14th my boyfriend was in court anyway over the visitation issue and had
temporary custody for six weeks rubber stamped. We picked the child up on
the Saturday the 18th of May and he has lived with us ever since - his
mother has only had contact with him for 4 years of the past 8 - and has
only paid an absolute pittance in child support for the same time frame.
Who do you think picked up the slack. My husband? Don't make me laugh.
Run. Now. It's the only smart thing to do. Heck I advise any childless woman
getting involved with a man with kids to run, but if you don't even like
children much, do yourself, your boyfriend and those kids a favour and run,
run, run.
Nikki
rebecca
"_calinda_" <calinda...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:c69ggn$9u424$1...@ID-178943.news.uni-berlin.de...
>
> then piss and moan that the kids are interfering with their fucking
> lives.
>
... oh, I was going to make a joke, but it's too sore of a subject, I know.
Cal, your kids will be fine. They will grow up happy and loving and
wonderful individuals who understand and respect you for the colossal
efforts you put into keeping their father in their lives. Really. They
will.
rebecca
_calinda_
I just wrote an extremely long reply to this. It was too hurtful
and painful to post. All the time he's lost by removing himself
from their lives, I could not care less about. What I do care about
is how hurt they are by his allowing his wife to come between him
and his children.
It pains me to know that my daughter is upstairs crying right now
because while talking with her about something totally unrelated,
something triggered a memory of the time her dad hit her in anger.
All because while we were still BNing, he wasn't able to be with MH
and that's where he wanted to be.
Regardless of whether my ex left me or not, my children would have
been far better off if he'd have gotten involved with someone who at
the very least can *tolerate* children, if not like them. His wife
actively worked to alienate father and daughter. She succeeded
quite nicely. And DD is the one paying a HUGE price for that. She
*needs* her father now more than ever, but he's just not there for
her anymore.
Cal~
The Watsons
> It pains me to know that my daughter is upstairs crying right now
> because while talking with her about something totally unrelated,
> something triggered a memory of the time her dad hit her in anger.
> All because while we were still BNing, he wasn't able to be with MH
> and that's where he wanted to be.
*HUGS*
Jess
jane
>I just wrote an extremely long reply to this. It was too hurtful
>and painful to post. All the time he's lost by removing himself
>from their lives, I could not care less about. What I do care about
>is how hurt they are by his allowing his wife to come between him
>and his children.
>
>It pains me to know that my daughter is upstairs crying right now
>because while talking with her about something totally unrelated,
>something triggered a memory of the time her dad hit her in anger.
>All because while we were still BNing, he wasn't able to be with MH
>and that's where he wanted to be.
>
>Regardless of whether my ex left me or not, my children would have
>been far better off if he'd have gotten involved with someone who at
>the very least can *tolerate* children, if not like them. His wife
>actively worked to alienate father and daughter. She succeeded
>quite nicely. And DD is the one paying a HUGE price for that. She
>*needs* her father now more than ever, but he's just not there for
>her anymore.
>
>Cal~
You know, though, Cal. I've had this out with one of my SS's from the other
side. IIRC I told him that even if it were true that his father was my puppet,
his problem would still be that his father was a puppet, not that I didn't like
SS.
Stuff like this comes up with Lee from time to time, like her father insisting
they go to visit SM's family while Lee is with him. No matter what SM is
lobbying for, I still it as an issue that Lee has to resolve with her father.
And over the years they have.
What is SM's or even my ex's fault does not cause me to lose sleep no matter
how much it hurts my kid. The biggest problem for me is always the knowledge
that I chose this imperfect man/total idiot (depending on the severity of the
transgression) as the father of my child. If she turned her anger on me, and
said "this is YOUR fault. YOU got me into this. YOU made him my father" I
wouldn't have a good comeback. I'd drag out the standard no one gets a perfect
life and no one has perfect parents lines, but that wouldn't contradict her.
jane
heather m.
>
>
> What is SM's or even my ex's fault does not cause me to lose sleep no
matter
> how much it hurts my kid. The biggest problem for me is always the
knowledge
> that I chose this imperfect man/total idiot (depending on the severity of
the
> transgression) as the father of my child.
UGH! This is all of my current problems wrapped up into a nutshell. DS
doesn't say/think things like that (yet, at least), but I sure like to beat
myself to a bloody pulp because of it. I have big, big, BIG guilt issues.
Heather
Kim Scheinberg
>In a previous article, Anne Robotti <arob...@deletemelscomm.net> said:
>
>>On Wed, 14 Apr 2004 22:21:18 +0000 (UTC), vjr...@xcski.com (Vicki
>>Robinson) wrote:
>>
>>>Seven years, for me.
>>
>>Sorry dude, I came along nine years ago and you were well-established
>>already. 1995 was my first post.
>
>Nope. You came, left and then came back. I showed up in the interim.
>I came because a) I was stalking Kim, and b) I had just married a man
>with children, and I know I did that in 1997.
Right, and I didn't get here until late '96, shortly after I met JK.
Vicki was definitely '97.
-k. vicki wasn't my first online stalker, but she's still my favorite