frustrated step-mom
CheekyMo
regarding his two (primary aged) children. They have gotten into this habit
while here about not eating breakfast or lunch and this morning I got up and
mentioned to my SO if they made their lunch for school, his reaction was
'they dont want one, and I am not going to force them to take one." I
mention to him how important it is for learning, that they do need at least
breakfast OR lunch in order to be in any shape to learn. He then says to
me...I am not going to fight about it with them and neither are you. With
that, I went and had my shower. While in the shower I heard him yelling at
his kids to make their lunches. They all left without saying goodbye. I am
not sure what I felt....
My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father." And I think he always
will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But who
am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing where
to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does he
leave them with?
Thanks for listening....
Cheeky^Mo aka Wendy
Vicki Robinson
>My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father." And I think he always
>will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But who
>am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing where
>to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does he
>leave them with?
What does he say when you ask him these questions?
Vicki
--
Just to think I used to worry about things like that.
Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny
'til I wound up poor and fat.
-Delbert McClinton
Geri and sometimes Brian
>will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids.
> but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does he
>leave them with?
Well, if it were me, I would not put up with that. He has left you between a
rock and a hard place by pawning off the kids on you when he isn't around, but
not giving you authority *backed by him* with the kids. If he truly wants to
be a "single father" - make him be one and take care of the kids on his own.
Meanwhile, I would suggest marital counseling. Did you agree to be a person he
can dump the kids off on when parenting isn't convenient for him?
~~Geri~~
http://www.noblankchecks.com/
"The song "Omaha" by Counting Crows has nothing to do with the city. If you
need to talk about music, hum the Husker fight song and eat your steak."
--Nebraska Tourism Bureau
Tracey
CheekyMo wrote:
> My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father." And I think he always
> will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But who
> am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing where
> to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does he
> leave them with?
BTDT for two summers. Hated it. Left a bad taste in my mouth, one that
still is there at times.
We have never really resolved this to my *complete* satisfaction. What
has ended up being the status quo in our house is that, unless the de-
cision to be made effects me and/or our kids/family/plans directly, I
stay out of it altogether. He doesn't seem to like it much but after
the first few years of our marriage, I couldn't figure out any other
way to handle it.
But our situation is different in that we rarely had my stepchildren.
I have a feeling that if we had had them regularly and we couldn't
resolve it better, we probably wouldn't have remained married because
I'm not a person who can handle persistent, regular frustration well.
I think there IS a tiny bit of hope in your post though. Your SO *did*
listen to and agree with your opinion about the lunch thing. The follow-
through kinda sucked in that he then seemed to be angry about it but
that's something that can be worked out (i.e., 'Why were you angry at
me about a decision that you made?') At least he didn't just blow you
off (as my husband always seemed to do.)
Try talking about this when you and he aren't frustrated or angry about
something. Ask him why he trusts your judgment concerning the kids for
days on end when he's not around, but seems to discount your opinions
when he's there (if that's what's going on.) Ask him just exactly what
he feels your role is/should be as far as the kids are concerned and,
if what he says doesn't jive with how he behaves, ask why that happens.
(With us, we can have theoretical conversations and practical experience
with how to handle situations like teenagers and their contributions
toward their own wants or chores or how to show respect to other people
and all of that goes out the window when it comes to my stepchildren.)
What is the possibility of your SO seeking and listening to outside
opinions? Either books on effect co-parenting in a step-family situ-
ation or a counselor?
Tracey
The Watsons
"CheekyMo" <pim...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:z0L_b.50462$Ff2.7984@clgrps12...
> Need to vent, and hope its okay. I had an incident with my SO this morning
> regarding his two (primary aged) children. They have gotten into this
habit
> while here about not eating breakfast or lunch and this morning I got up
and
> mentioned to my SO if they made their lunch for school, his reaction was
> 'they dont want one, and I am not going to force them to take one." I
> mention to him how important it is for learning, that they do need at
least
> breakfast OR lunch in order to be in any shape to learn. He then says to
> me...I am not going to fight about it with them and neither are you. With
> that, I went and had my shower. While in the shower I heard him yelling at
> his kids to make their lunches.
well, that's a good thing at least...:)
> My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father." And I think he
always
> will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But
who
> am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing
where
> to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does
he
> leave them with?
what has he said? :)
Jess
jane
Yabbut, he *is* a single father. This isn't some delusion he has.
> And I think he always
>will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But who
>am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing where
>to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does he
>leave them with?
Taking care of someone's kids doesn't make you their parent. You're
temporarily responsible, the AIC.
Couples figure out different approaches that fit their relationships and the
kids involved. The bottom line is that your SO is responsible for everything,
food, clothing, shelter, book reports, clean clothes, and guidance. Some of
that you might feel willing and competent to share in, and some of it he might
be willing to delegate. Your role is where your comfort zone and his overlap.
jane
Wendy
> regarding his two (primary aged) children. They have gotten into this
habit
> while here about not eating breakfast or lunch and this morning I got up
and
> mentioned to my SO if they made their lunch for school, his reaction was
> 'they dont want one, and I am not going to force them to take one." I
> mention to him how important it is for learning, that they do need at
least
> breakfast OR lunch in order to be in any shape to learn.
I agree that the research suggests a better performance from children who've
eaten meals, but I also know that getting into battles over food is pretty
frustrating and pointless. My sister used to expect kids to make their own
lunches. They had to take something, but what they took was up to them to a
large extent. They didn't make sandwiches, but took fruit and cheese, or
celery and cheese whiz.
I find the same thing with breakfast. Some children will eat cereal, or
toast. My youngest isn't ready to eat breakfast before she goes to school.
I keep cereal bars and that sort of thing about for her to take with her to
eat on the way or later during the morning.
He then says to
> me...I am not going to fight about it with them and neither are you.
I can understand that too. Fighting gets you nowhere, IME.
With
> that, I went and had my shower. While in the shower I heard him yelling at
> his kids to make their lunches. They all left without saying goodbye. I am
> not sure what I felt....
Probably he then felt guilty about failing them, because you'd questioned
how he'd dealt with the problem as a parent.
> My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father." And I think he
always
> will.
As Jane says, he is, just as I'm a single parent, even though I have a
partner now and the girls spend half the week at their father's (he's also a
single parent).
> Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But who
> am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing
where
> to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does
he
> leave them with?
My children rely upon my partner, Barclay, to do lots of things for them.
He's a stand in for me. He accepts that he's not a parent and never will
be. He's very careful not to try to be a parent, though he is a person who
lives here and has a say in the way this household works.
Thanks for listening....
> Cheeky^Mo aka Wendy
Wendy T
Geri and sometimes Brian
These kids are grade schoolers. You don't fight with them. You can tell them
how it is going to be. That is being the parent. If the dad doesn't want you
to have to do it, he needs to step up to the plate.
jane
>them
>how it is going to be.
>
LOL. Geri, you can't run them by remote control.
Grade school aged children making their own lunches seems a little odd to me,
but what the hell, if it works it works. In this case it doesn't seem to be
working, so I don't really get why the father isn't whipping up the PB&J and
putting it in a little brown bag the night before. Maybe the kids making their
own lunches is a Wendy innovation and one which is going over like a lead
balloon. Maybe Dad is stopping at McD's in the morning. Maybe he's giving
them a couple of bucks for lunch.
But that wasn't her question.
jane
>
>
>~~Geri~~
_calinda_
> Grade school aged children making their own lunches seems a little
> odd to me, but what the hell, if it works it works.
I taught my two children how to make lunches by the time they were
in first grade. I was totally willing and able to make them, but
not during the morning, the night before. They complained, saying
it didn't taste right... well, here's the bread & here's the PB..
have at it, honey :-P
There's no reason a kid that age can't be taught how to make their
own lunches. A dull butter knife is all that's needed and they
learn to spread the PB and whatever (my kids like butter, not
jelly). And then they add whatever is available for
add-ins-fruit/fruit snacks/cookies. A quarter for milk.. (back in
the old days ;) ) Anyway, there's no reason why most grade school
kids can't make their own lunch. Its a necessary lesson IMO.
(All that said- they both buy lunches now cuz home made lunches are
'not cool'.- whatever).
Cal~
Amy Lou
"_calinda_" <calinda...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:6UP_b.18935$W74....@newsread1.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> jane wrote:
>
> > Grade school aged children making their own lunches seems a little
> > odd to me, but what the hell, if it works it works.
>
> I taught my two children how to make lunches by the time they were
> in first grade. I was totally willing and able to make them, but
> not during the morning, the night before. They complained, saying
> it didn't taste right... well, here's the bread & here's the PB..
> have at it, honey :-P
That worked because your kids had incentive to make their own lunch. Wendy's
SKs don't. Maybe if someone else did it for them they might eat it at lunch
break. Then again maybe they still wouldn't eat it. To an extent I agree
with dad's original comment - that he wasn't going to fight over it. If
children are forced to make their own lunch and eat it they could jolly well
rebel. Better to get them interested in the idea and then talk about who
makes it.
<snip>
> (All that said- they both buy lunches now cuz home made lunches are
> 'not cool'.- whatever).
Heh heh my 16y/o still takes a home made lunch cuz the alternative costs too
much (he'd have to use his own money).
Amy
badgirl
"Amy Lou" <amyl...@bigpond.com> wrote in message . Better to get
them interested in the idea and then talk about who
> makes it.
>
yea, forget that. Better to get them used to making it themselves so
there is nothing to fight about when they're big enough to fight. Mine
have been making their lunches since about second grade, now they just
do it because they know damn well if they forget they'll be hungry.
When they were littler I would be the good mommy and bring them a
lunch, now that they're older they can remember to bring it or
starve...and don't even THINK about raiding my fridge when you get
home except for what would normally be allowed after school.
/
Jen
*who doesn't make DH's lunch either*
Vicki Robinson
>yea, forget that. Better to get them used to making it themselves so
>there is nothing to fight about when they're big enough to fight. Mine
>have been making their lunches since about second grade, now they just
>do it because they know damn well if they forget they'll be hungry.
>When they were littler I would be the good mommy and bring them a
>lunch, now that they're older they can remember to bring it or
>starve...and don't even THINK about raiding my fridge when you get
>home except for what would normally be allowed after school.
Hell, I've paid for the hot lunch at school for as long as I can
remember. For working moms, it's a godsend; one less thing to be done
at midnight or at 6 AM. The price is right too; still less than two
dollars a day, and she's in high school now.
CheekyMo
this one, thanking everyone at once.
Somethings people have set set some bells off for me.
1) Him being a single father - okay I agree that he is. But it doesn't make
my life any easier. Because I want to be more involved with them as a
'parent.' I do buy the kids clothes off/on on my own, and take them to
appointments when SO can't make it. I guess I want too much, that is not
available. They aren't my kids, and never will be.
Q: How does one cope in such a sitatuation. Let me tell you the
circumstances that brought me here to live with my SO.
We met in my home town, he was working there and had one child living with
him, the 16 year old with ADD ADHD and ODD.
We met and got along great. About 5 months later he was transferred back to
his home town for work (about a 4 hour drive). He gave me the ultimatum to
move with him, or we would have to end the relationship...I followed.
Once we moved here we got a 2 bedroom duplex, since we only had one of his
teens with us. About a week later we ended up with the other one, the 15
year old with CDLS (kinda like downs syndrome), hes quite the handful
behaviour wise. They both are! Anyways, now we have the two teens with us.
His ex then decides to move to the same city (the one with the two younger
kids - ones I've talked about) and now we have those two kids 4 days a week!
IN a two bedroom duplex.
I ask for some sanity, but there is no budge! He bends over backwards to
accommodate his ex, and her work schedule. Its driving me bonkers! Only
because I need space, time as well without the kids around. We always have
the teens around. Well, one right now, the one with CDLS...the other teen is
another story!!!
Will write more in a bit...
badgirl
"Vicki Robinson" <vjr...@xcski.com> wrote in message
news:c1gskc$oo7$1...@allhats.xcski.com...
> In a previous article, "badgirl" <chgobadgi...@comcast.net>
said:
>
> >yea, forget that. Better to get them used to making it themselves
so
> >there is nothing to fight about when they're big enough to fight.
Mine
> >have been making their lunches since about second grade, now they
just
> >do it because they know damn well if they forget they'll be hungry.
> >When they were littler I would be the good mommy and bring them a
> >lunch, now that they're older they can remember to bring it or
> >starve...and don't even THINK about raiding my fridge when you get
> >home except for what would normally be allowed after school.
>
> Hell, I've paid for the hot lunch at school for as long as I can
> remember. For working moms, it's a godsend; one less thing to be
done
> at midnight or at 6 AM. The price is right too; still less than two
> dollars a day, and she's in high school now.
>
> Vicki
>
I did that too for awhile, I figured out I was spending more money on
lunches than I needed to be between two kids. The only time I didn't
have a big problem with it was when we qualified for the free lunch
program.
Is it easier? absolutely. I just didn't see the point in paying 3x as
much to feed my kids than I needed to.
Jen
Joy
>
> >yea, forget that. Better to get them used to making it themselves so
> >there is nothing to fight about when they're big enough to fight. Mine
> >have been making their lunches since about second grade, now they just
> >do it because they know damn well if they forget they'll be hungry.
> >When they were littler I would be the good mommy and bring them a
> >lunch, now that they're older they can remember to bring it or
> >starve...and don't even THINK about raiding my fridge when you get
> >home except for what would normally be allowed after school.
>
> Hell, I've paid for the hot lunch at school for as long as I can
> remember. For working moms, it's a godsend; one less thing to be done
> at midnight or at 6 AM. The price is right too; still less than two
> dollars a day, and she's in high school now.
<delurk>
Where I live, the schools serve a hot breakfast too. It is a great deal -
$1.25, and they have a choice of things like cereal, eggs, biscuits and
gravy, fruit, etc. My kids never could eat early (claim their "stomachs not
awake yet"), but have really enjoyed eating breakfast with their friends at
school.
Wish all school systems would do this,
Joy
<relurk>
Lori
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
news:20040224115354...@mb-m28.aol.com...
> >My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father." And I think he
always
> >will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids.
>
> > but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does he
> >leave them with?
>
> Well, if it were me, I would not put up with that. He has left you
between a
> rock and a hard place by pawning off the kids on you when he isn't around,
but
> not giving you authority *backed by him* with the kids. If he truly wants
to
> be a "single father" - make him be one and take care of the kids on his
own.
> Meanwhile, I would suggest marital counseling. Did you agree to be a
person he
> can dump the kids off on when parenting isn't convenient for him?
>
Oh, I so agree! My husband has told both kids, our son *and* SS, that if I
tell them to do something or to not do something, they can just assume it's
the same as if he had said it. That was something we talkied about before
even being parents, and re-affirmed when SS came into our family for
visitation. It falls right in there with DH knowing absolutely that I will
*never* say to either child "wait until your father gets home and de4als
with (fill in blank". His mom did that, and then dad is the bad guy always.
Not to mention the fact that it's generally better to deal with things when
they happen when it comes to children.
Lori
---
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Lori
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
> >I can understand that too. Fighting gets you nowhere, IME.
>
> These kids are grade schoolers. You don't fight with them. You can tell
them
> how it is going to be. That is being the parent.
YES!!! That is why they are called *children*, and we are called the
*parents*. They are not, or at least should not, be in charge in any way.
If we feel that the kids living in *our* house should do something, or
should not do something, it is not optional, it is not a suggestion. We are
in charge.
If the dad doesn't want you
> to have to do it, he needs to step up to the plate.
I agree here, too. The sad fact is that you really do not have any
authority when it comes to the stepkids other than what their parent wants
you to have. :-(
Lori
> So many replies, I'm not sure who to respond to :) but I will reply with
> this one, thanking everyone at once.
>
> Somethings people have set set some bells off for me.
> 1) Him being a single father - okay I agree that he is. But it doesn't
make
> my life any easier. Because I want to be more involved with them as a
> 'parent.' I do buy the kids clothes off/on on my own, and take them to
> appointments when SO can't make it. I guess I want too much, that is not
> available. They aren't my kids, and never will be.
>
Oh, but see, if it were me, and I was expected to bear some of the
responsibilities in raising them (taking to appointments, shopping, taking
care of when dad is not there), then I would be insisting on authority too.
If I were nothing but a baby-sitter and driver, then pay me.
Wendy
"Joy" <joydoesn...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:103oa20...@corp.supernews.com...
>> <delurk>
> Where I live, the schools serve a hot breakfast too. It is a great deal -
> $1.25, and they have a choice of things like cereal, eggs, biscuits and
> gravy, fruit, etc. My kids never could eat early (claim their "stomachs
not
> awake yet"), but have really enjoyed eating breakfast with their friends
at
> school.
There are some areas in England who are trialling giving free lunches and
dinners. The children perform better, as it's a high unemployment area, and
they're hoping it will reduce absences rates too.
Wendy T
Wendy
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
news:20040224145716...@mb-m25.aol.com...
>
> These kids are grade schoolers. You don't fight with them. You can tell
them
> how it is going to be. That is being the parent. If the dad doesn't want
you
> to have to do it, he needs to step up to the plate.
I can remember scenes when my youngest sister, a grade school teacher, would
have neices, nephews or her own children tied in knots at meals being forced
to eat what they didn't want to. It was a waste of time and was about her
power and sense of what was right, rather than about them eating or the rest
of us having a pleasant family meal together.
Step up to the plate by all means, but fighting with kids over food doesn't
generally work.
Wendy
Kerri Clair
>Yabbut, he *is* a single father. This isn't some delusion he has.
Yes, but he isn't acting like one, is he? A *single* father would have to
arrange (and pay for) childcare if he was going out of town on business for a
few days.
-Kerri
Kerri Clair
>if it were me, and I was expected to bear some of the
>responsibilities in raising them (taking to appointments, shopping, taking
>care of when dad is not there), then I would be insisting on authority too.
>If I were nothing but a baby-sitter and driver, then pay me.
Exactly! But still, some single fathers expect their second wives or
girlfriends to be live-in nannies for their children, except for the salary
part of course. In fact it's even more of a bonus for those types since the
second wife or girlfriend usually brings in a second income as well.
-Kerri
Amy Lou
> this one, thanking everyone at once.
>
> Somethings people have set set some bells off for me.
> 1) Him being a single father - okay I agree that he is. But it doesn't
make
> my life any easier. Because I want to be more involved with them as a
> 'parent.' I do buy the kids clothes off/on on my own, and take them to
> appointments when SO can't make it. I guess I want too much, that is not
> available. They aren't my kids, and never will be.
OK so the kids are not yours, that doesn't mean you can't have a great
relationship with them.
>
> Q: How does one cope in such a sitatuation. Let me tell you the
> circumstances that brought me here to live with my SO.
>
> We met in my home town, he was working there and had one child living with
> him, the 16 year old with ADD ADHD and ODD.
> We met and got along great. About 5 months later he was transferred back
to
> his home town for work (about a 4 hour drive). He gave me the ultimatum to
> move with him, or we would have to end the relationship...I followed.
Mmm ...interesting.
>
> Once we moved here we got a 2 bedroom duplex, since we only had one of his
> teens with us. About a week later we ended up with the other one, the 15
> year old with CDLS (kinda like downs syndrome), hes quite the handful
> behaviour wise. They both are! Anyways, now we have the two teens with us.
> His ex then decides to move to the same city (the one with the two younger
> kids - ones I've talked about) and now we have those two kids 4 days a
week!
> IN a two bedroom duplex.
Wow that sounds rather crowded.
>
> I ask for some sanity, but there is no budge!
What sort of things did you ask for?
He bends over backwards to
> accommodate his ex, and her work schedule. Its driving me bonkers!
Often men feel obligated to the mother of their children and sometimes they
even feel afraid of her because they think if they don't keep on her good
side they may not be able to see the kids.
Only
> because I need space, time as well without the kids around. We always have
> the teens around. Well, one right now, the one with CDLS...the other teen
is
> another story!!!
You've every right to take time out on your own. Can you set up the bedroom
(with tv or computer) so you can hide in there to get some peace?
>
> Will write more in a bit...
I'll be waiting with bated breath. :)
Amy
Melissa
Well in some ways he is. He wants the authority on most things and has made
that clear.
>A *single* father would have to
>arrange (and pay for) childcare if he was going out of town on business for a
>few days.
Or ask a friend or reletive to help him out, but they wouldn't be the parent
either.
Love,
Melissa
"The old Tom didn't poison your fish either!"
-Carson Kressley, from Queer Eye
Vicki Robinson
That makes sense, but my time and sanity have a price, too. If it
were $10 for home-made lunches compared to $30 for school, I'd agree
with you. But when it's $2.00 for home-made vs. $6.00 for
school-made, my time is worth a whole lot more than $4.00 per week.
It may be three times the cost, but the cost was still measured in
single dollars, and it was worth it to cross off one chore from the
daily list.
ni...@impactwp.com
"badgirl" <chgobadgi...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:AMU_b.395358$xy6.2247281@attbi_s02...
I'm with you Jen. SS makes his own. If we gave him the money in a four week
month it would total 2/3 of the child support we get for him and in a 5 week
month it would come in over 5 pounds more than the total support received.
Some extras I'm not prepared to pay for. We let him have hot once a week, if
he wants it more, he pays for it himself. And don't worry somebody always
seems to be giving that kid money so despite a small allowance he's always
got cash. Harumph. We're beginning to think of 'strongly encouraging' some
part time work.
Nikki
S&W
> remember. For working moms, it's a godsend; one less thing to be done
> at midnight or at 6 AM. The price is right too; still less than two
> dollars a day, and she's in high school now.
Paige buys lunch. it is so not cool to brown bag it in 7th grade.
I have to say, though, that she did get healthier fare when she took her own
lunch. The lunches at our schools (especially at the junior and senior high
levels) are disgraceful. Junk, junk, junk.
I hate that she eats that crap during the day; I hate even more that the
district serves the crap.
But I figure it's better than nothing, which is what she would eat if I made
her take a lunch.
I love the concept of buying lunch; I just wish they offered healthy foods
without all that junk. And that they'd get rid of the pop machines.
shay
Vicki Robinson
>
>Paige buys lunch. it is so not cool to brown bag it in 7th grade.
>I have to say, though, that she did get healthier fare when she took her own
>lunch. The lunches at our schools (especially at the junior and senior high
>levels) are disgraceful. Junk, junk, junk.
>I hate that she eats that crap during the day; I hate even more that the
>district serves the crap.
Our school menu isn't bad. There's always a salad bar, the hot entree
is usually pretty good and they can always have peanut butter and
jelly if all else fails. I hate the pop machines, too, though.
ni...@impactwp.com
"S&W" <shan...@excite.com> wrote in message
news:103pdst...@corp.supernews.com...
> Paige buys lunch. it is so not cool to brown bag it in 7th grade.
> I have to say, though, that she did get healthier fare when she took her
own
> lunch. The lunches at our schools (especially at the junior and senior
high
> levels) are disgraceful. Junk, junk, junk.
> I hate that she eats that crap during the day; I hate even more that the
> district serves the crap.
> But I figure it's better than nothing, which is what she would eat if I
made
> her take a lunch.
> I love the concept of buying lunch; I just wish they offered healthy foods
> without all that junk. And that they'd get rid of the pop machines.
>
> shay
Here they're cracking down on lunchboxes, not allowing crisps or chocs to be
taken into school. About time in my book, SS always gave us huge grief that
he was never allowed more than sandwiches, yoghurt, fruit and a cereal bar.
However, some of the Moms have started complaining. It's contravening their
parental rights to give their kids a choc bar if they want to.
Why they can't just bring it to the school gate I don't know, but there you
have it.
Nikki
CheekyMo
single bit (LOL) only because when he talks to other females on line and
says hes a single father...makes it sound like hes single and a father. Just
another way to look at it. But I also agree, if he wants to keep the
"single" attitude, then he should be looking elsewhere besides "ME" for
sitters when he is out of town for days.
Talk soon, gotta go to work (someone's gotta)
Cheeky^Mo aka Wendy
"Melissa" <laa...@aol.comspamzap> wrote in message
news:20040225073912...@mb-m13.aol.com...
Geri and sometimes Brian
>single bit (LOL) only because when he talks to other females on line and
>says hes a single father...
Why is he doing this?
~~Geri~~
jane
>"single" attitude, then he should be looking elsewhere besides "ME" for
>sitters when he is out of town for days.
>
you do, think about what you are and are not willing to do.
jane
>
>Cheeky^Mo aka Wendy
Kerri Clair
>>Yes, but he isn't acting like one, is he?
>
>Well in some ways he is. He wants the authority on most things and has made
>that clear.
Good point Melissa, he is acting like one when it's convenient and comfortable
for him. When it's not convenient for him then he wants his SO to act like a
live-in nanny. If he wants full authority with no input from his partner then
he should simply hire a live-in nanny instead of expecting to treat his SO like
an employee. Right now she sounds like an unpaid nanny.
>>A *single* father would have to
>>arrange (and pay for) childcare if he was going out of town on business for
>a
>>few days.
>
>Or ask a friend or reletive to help him out, but they wouldn't be the parent
>either.
Sure they wouldn't be the parent either but the keyword there is "ask". If he
wants her to act as simply a babysitter, driver, maid, cook, whatever ....,
then he has to treat these things as the favors they are and *ask* with full
expectations that the answer might be "no" at any given time. If the answer is
"no" then *he* is responsible for making other arrangements.
That is all part and parcel of being a single parent, they get full authority
with no input from anyone else but they also have full responsibility. Right
now Wendy's SO wants full authority with no input but he also wants to be
relieved of some of the responsibilities. Nobody gets to have it both ways
unless they *hire* someone, then they can dictate terms to their employee.
-Kerri
Kerri Clair
Yes, why *is* he doing that and how is it presented? Does he ever mention he
lives with his girlfriend? More importantly, who is minding the children while
he's telling people online that he's a "single father"?
-Kerri
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
> In a previous article, "badgirl" <chgobadgi...@comcast.net> said:
>
> >yea, forget that. Better to get them used to making it themselves so
> >there is nothing to fight about when they're big enough to fight. Mine
> >have been making their lunches since about second grade, now they just
> >do it because they know damn well if they forget they'll be hungry.
> >When they were littler I would be the good mommy and bring them a
> >lunch, now that they're older they can remember to bring it or
> >starve...and don't even THINK about raiding my fridge when you get
> >home except for what would normally be allowed after school.
>
> Hell, I've paid for the hot lunch at school for as long as I can
> remember. For working moms, it's a godsend; one less thing to be done
> at midnight or at 6 AM. The price is right too; still less than two
> dollars a day, and she's in high school now.
That's the one thing I kinda miss about the kids being in public
school. Around here, the schools have breakfast and lunch. I didn't
have to worry about keeping food around for anything except snacks and
dinners.
Kitten
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
> "Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
> news:20040224145716...@mb-m25.aol.com...
> > >I can understand that too. Fighting gets you nowhere, IME.
> >
> > These kids are grade schoolers. You don't fight with them. You can tell
> them
> > how it is going to be. That is being the parent.
>
>
> YES!!! That is why they are called *children*, and we are called the
> *parents*. They are not, or at least should not, be in charge in any way.
> If we feel that the kids living in *our* house should do something, or
> should not do something, it is not optional, it is not a suggestion. We are
> in charge.
>
Ooooh! You're such a mean momma!!! ;-)
> If the dad doesn't want you
> > to have to do it, he needs to step up to the plate.
>
> I agree here, too. The sad fact is that you really do not have any
> authority when it comes to the stepkids other than what their parent wants
> you to have. :-(
Slight disagreement. It's what the bioparent wants you to have PLUS
what you can live with. I'd never be able to live with having a kid
in my home over whom I had no authority. NOT gonna happen.
Thankfully, Chewy's the same way.
Kitten
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
> > Need to vent, and hope its okay. I had an incident with my SO this morning
> > regarding his two (primary aged) children. They have gotten into this
> habit
> > while here about not eating breakfast or lunch and this morning I got up
> and
> > mentioned to my SO if they made their lunch for school, his reaction was
> > 'they dont want one, and I am not going to force them to take one." I
>
> Hey Wendy.
>
> I know you said you were venting, but I wanted to throw one thing out there
> for you. My SO and I have been together coming up on 6 years now, and he
> shares custody of his 8YO son with his ex. Over the years, I've found that
> when I react strongly to something, it inevitably shifts SO's focus from the
> problem at hand, to dealing with me. He feels criticized, he feels
> defensive, whatever. Because I'm an easier/safer problem to deal with than
> his angry ex-wife, or his troubled/difficult/upset son. I'm not going to
> leave him, I'm not going to stop loving him, etc. Unfair? Sure, but
> totally human male nature.
>
> On the other hand, when I work at not reacting strongly to stuff, and
> shrugging my shoulders when he looks at me like he wants me to do something,
> he 99% of the time reacts the way I'd have suggested anyway. This drove me
> _insane_ when we were first together, these days it's easier, as we have a
> longer history of parenting together as a base to work from. It still
> happens sometimes, though.
The posts last week about what we mean to say vs what they hear have
helped us a great deal with this. Over the weekend, Chewy and I
talked about that quite a bit. This morning, we were discussing
something when he said something, I responded to what he'd said, and
he replied, "What I meant was ..." Then he realized that he was
*clarifying* what he'd intended to say, rather than blowing up because
I didn't understand from the start what he'd meant to say.
This communication stuff is hard work. But it's paying off.
Kitten
Geri and sometimes Brian
>what you can live with. I'd never be able to live with having a kid
>in my home over whom I had no authority. NOT gonna happen.
>Thankfully, Chewy's the same wa
Presumably the two of you worked that out before you were married (as did Brian
and I). The problems come up when people live together and/or marry and they
have not worked this out in advance and have different expectations.
~~Geri~~
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
> So many replies, I'm not sure who to respond to :) but I will reply with
> this one, thanking everyone at once.
>
> Somethings people have set set some bells off for me.
> 1) Him being a single father - okay I agree that he is. But it doesn't make
> my life any easier. Because I want to be more involved with them as a
> 'parent.' I do buy the kids clothes off/on on my own, and take them to
> appointments when SO can't make it. I guess I want too much, that is not
> available. They aren't my kids, and never will be.
You're right. They're not your bio-kids. But in evaluating the
relationship, you have to look at responsibilities, perks/privileges,
and authority. Are you allowed enough authority to carry out your
responsibilities? What are the perks, privileges, and fun things?
>
> Q: How does one cope in such a sitatuation. Let me tell you the
> circumstances that brought me here to live with my SO.
>
> We met in my home town, he was working there and had one child living with
> him, the 16 year old with ADD ADHD and ODD.
> We met and got along great. About 5 months later he was transferred back to
> his home town for work (about a 4 hour drive). He gave me the ultimatum to
> move with him, or we would have to end the relationship...I followed.
Here's where I'd definitely respond differently. I don't respond well
to ultimatums. Never have.
>
> Once we moved here we got a 2 bedroom duplex, since we only had one of his
> teens with us. About a week later we ended up with the other one, the 15
> year old with CDLS (kinda like downs syndrome), hes quite the handful
> behaviour wise. They both are! Anyways, now we have the two teens with us.
Have you had experience before dealing with people with such
challenges? The ADHD/ODD combination can be extremely tough. Adding
the CDLS child to the mix, when you don't know how best to cope with
it, can definitely increase the difficulty.
There are a couple of us here who have kids with challenges. If you
have particular frustrations in this area, maybe we can offer a bit of
support.
> His ex then decides to move to the same city (the one with the two younger
> kids - ones I've talked about) and now we have those two kids 4 days a week!
> IN a two bedroom duplex.
I thought things were challenging at our house - 5 teens (4 of them
male) in a 4 bedroom house.
>
> I ask for some sanity, but there is no budge! He bends over backwards to
> accommodate his ex, and her work schedule. Its driving me bonkers! Only
> because I need space, time as well without the kids around. We always have
> the teens around. Well, one right now, the one with CDLS...the other teen is
> another story!!!
How have you approached this with him? What have you asked for? What
have you demanded?
I agree that you need time with him without the kids. You also need
time to yourself.
Chewy and I try to go for coffee or something simple like that for our
time alone. Sometimes it's just walking out in the pasture to watch
the sunrise. Just little things.
I've "stolen" a bit of time for me this afternoon. I didn't have to
tutor today, so I stopped by a public access terminal to catch up on
my email and on the group. Tomorrow is my "official me time." I'm
going into town to have tea with a friend (supposed to be lunch, but
Lent began today). Thursday afternoons are now officially *mine*,
starting last week.
HTH,
Kitten
Geri and sometimes Brian
>going into town to have tea with a friend (supposed to be lunch, but
>Lent began today).
Don't you get to eat during Lent?
~~Geri~~
Amy Lou
"Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <
>
> This communication stuff is hard work. But it's paying off.
Tell me about it! My husband gets so frustrated because when he talks I am
supposed to understand exactly what he says straight away!
Amy
>
> Kitten
Melissa
>"single" attitude, then he should be looking elsewhere besides "ME" for
>sitters when he is out of town for days.
>
Sure, and that's certainly somethign that you can put your foot down about.
pugfly
is easier to have a bloodline, I believe. Its nature. Most people identify
to a "natural family", its short to explain. We expect more pride from it.
Etc...(from my observation, I let you describe, I have no REAL
son/daugther)
I am not shure about single father idea, Its not the exact word for it. I
have my stepson fulltime, his mother left the country 4 years ago to get
rich elsewhere, starting new with a new family, new baies etc.. The boy did
not follow her anymore. At 9 he choose to stay with us. My husband his an
independant professional, working late. I have no kids. I cant. I met him to
late. My husband know well its not the same as if I have my kid, but he
encourage me to get closer to his son, I know him since 4 years old. what is
the definition of a parent? to be a progenitor or to nurture and raise a
child? It i both, or maybe in the eyes of whom it concern, the biomother,
biofather, stepmother, stepfather...
My mother could not raise me, in the 70's in my town not many father was
single father. He remarried and ask help to his wife, for his 3 kids. I was
not always at home, went to a private school, and find it difficult
sometimes. But after many years, I realized, or admit to myself I learn many
thing with my stepmother (her personnality)that my mother could not do at
all. Most kid are afraid of that to happen, mostly because they need to
believe they were wanted by their bioparents. I am happy to talk to my
biomom (my 2 brothers does not want to) but I cant say my stepmon was never
my parent, she did not act as taking care temporary , like the contrary. She
was not perfect and had doubt about being a parent, (sometimes she believed
my biomom should be there more, and this was difficult for both of us) she
had her own emotion to deal with, like a person do. And like most women, she
was compassionate and forgot herself. My mother was more like a girlfriend
to me.
"A genitor who does not parent the child is not its parent" (Ashley
Montagu).
"jane" <janel...@aol.com> a écrit dans le message de
news:20040224132409...@mb-m25.aol.com...
> >My SO has this mentality that he is a "single father."
>
> Yabbut, he *is* a single father. This isn't some delusion he has.
>
> > And I think he always
> >will. Yet on the other hand he wants me there for him and his kids. But
who
> >am I? I mean, where do I fit in....I get so lost at times, not knowing
where
> >to turn, but yet when he works out of town for days at a time...who does
he
> >leave them with?
>
> Taking care of someone's kids doesn't make you their parent. You're
> temporarily responsible, the AIC.
>
> Couples figure out different approaches that fit their relationships and
the
> kids involved. The bottom line is that your SO is responsible for
everything,
> food, clothing, shelter, book reports, clean clothes, and guidance. Some
of
> that you might feel willing and competent to share in, and some of it he
might
> be willing to delegate. Your role is where your comfort zone and his
overlap.
>
> jane
> >
> >Thanks for listening....
> >Cheeky^Mo aka Wendy
WhansaMi
>>I have to say, though, that she did get healthier fare when she took her own
>>lunch. The lunches at our schools (especially at the junior and senior high
>>levels) are disgraceful. Junk, junk, junk.
>>I hate that she eats that crap during the day; I hate even more that the
>>district serves the crap.
>
>Our school menu isn't bad. There's always a salad bar, the hot entree
>is usually pretty good and they can always have peanut butter and
>jelly if all else fails. I hate the pop machines, too, though.
>
>Vicki
Our school lunches are always incredibly high in carbs. I've been doing an
informal survey of the lunches for about the last month, and they typically run
about 150 or more carbs per meal. Now I know how I gained 10 -15 lbs. a year
eating them. :-(
Sheila
Amy Lou
"pugfly" <in...@agoradesign.com> wrote in message
news:Y3o%b.21443$i65.1...@weber.videotron.net...
Well said Pugfly! There are many different forms of bio parent and step
parent. Some bios are more like friends and some steps are more like
parents. It all depends on individual circumstances.
Amy
badgirl
"Amy Lou" <amyl...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
news:Gww%b.77899$Wa.4...@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
>
> Well said Pugfly! There are many different forms of bio parent and
step
> parent. Some bios are more like friends and some steps are more like
> parents. It all depends on individual circumstances.
>
> Amy
>
>
And some bio's are completely useless except to serve as a bad
example. (some steps too but the bio in our situation is who came to
mind when I read the above comment)
Jen
Lori
"Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <kit...@whitepine.com> wrote in message
news:454a033.04022...@posting.google.com...
> "Lori" <real...@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:<s8W_b.21872$c33....@fe01.usenetserver.com>...
> > "Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
> > news:20040224145716...@mb-m25.aol.com...
> > > >I can understand that too. Fighting gets you nowhere, IME.
> > >
> > > These kids are grade schoolers. You don't fight with them. You can
tell
> > them
> > > how it is going to be. That is being the parent.
> >
> >
> > YES!!! That is why they are called *children*, and we are called the
> > *parents*. They are not, or at least should not, be in charge in any
way.
> > If we feel that the kids living in *our* house should do something, or
> > should not do something, it is not optional, it is not a suggestion. We
are
> > in charge.
> >
>
>
> Ooooh! You're such a mean momma!!! ;-)
Hey, I've told the kids that I went to mean mom school, and got all A's!
Told the daughter of a friend that her mom and I *both did. She looked at
me and said "you didn't even know my mom when you two went to school", so I
said there was one big mean mom school, with rooms all over the whole world.
LOL! I've been known, when the kids whine about being told no and want to
know why, to say because I'm mean, that's why!, only to have them *both*
start giggling and say "no way, you're nice!". Sometimes though, you just
have to buck up and let them think you are mean, instead of giving in.
> > If the dad doesn't want you
> > > to have to do it, he needs to step up to the plate.
> >
> > I agree here, too. The sad fact is that you really do not have any
> > authority when it comes to the stepkids other than what their parent
wants
> > you to have. :-(
>
>
> Slight disagreement. It's what the bioparent wants you to have PLUS
> what you can live with. I'd never be able to live with having a kid
> in my home over whom I had no authority. NOT gonna happen.
> Thankfully, Chewy's the same way.
Well, yeah, I agree. This would be why we had really good discussions about
all of this *before* going for the fight to get visitation. :-)
Lori
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Lori
"Kerri Clair" <kerri...@aol.comma> wrote in message
news:20040225044218...@mb-m23.aol.com...
> "Lori" real...@bigfoot.com wrote:
>
> >if it were me, and I was expected to bear some of the
> >responsibilities in raising them (taking to appointments, shopping,
taking
> >care of when dad is not there), then I would be insisting on authority
too.
> >If I were nothing but a baby-sitter and driver, then pay me.
>
> Exactly! But still, some single fathers expect their second wives or
> girlfriends to be live-in nannies for their children, except for the
salary
> part of course. In fact it's even more of a bonus for those types since
the
> second wife or girlfriend usually brings in a second income as well.
>
But as long as these second wives or girlfriends are just meekly accepting
this and doing it, then it's as much their own fault, if not more, that it's
happening.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
Yes, but Chewy and I decided to do a modified fast this year.
Personal reasons. The kids can, or not. Their choice. This week,
they chose to do the Thursday fast (juice and water) with us, sun-up
to sun-down. YS's also decided to do a modified fast (juice, water,
fruit, and yogurt) for as much of the 40 days as he can. If he sticks
with it, I'll keep the things around the house that he needs.
Kitten
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
I think someone forgot to tell me I needed to take "Mind Reading 101."
Kitten
Geri and sometimes Brian
>Personal reasons.
What can you/will you eat?
~~Geri~~
Amy Lou
"Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <kit...@whitepine.com> wrote in message
news:454a033.04022...@posting.google.com...
Oh I took it but failed miserably. :)
Amy
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
> >Yes, but Chewy and I decided to do a modified fast this year.
> >Personal reasons.
>
> What can you/will you eat?
>
Thursdays, we're doing juice and water. The rest of the week, I'm
simply cutting back. Not sure what Chewy's decided to do. YS has
opted for fruit, yogurt, and cheese so far.
Kitten
S&W
news:20040226194757...@mb-m10.aol.com...
> Our school lunches are always incredibly high in carbs. I've been doing
an
> informal survey of the lunches for about the last month, and they
typically run
> about 150 or more carbs per meal. Now I know how I gained 10 -15 lbs. a
year
> eating them. :-(
I have Brittani's school lunch menu in front of me now, and I will just pick
the next lunch day (Monday 3/1/04). Chicken nuggets & mashed potatoes *or*
cheese pizza *or* hamburger. Star crunch cookie. But they offer "Healthy
Choices" also: tossed green salad, fruit cocktail, red apple, carrot sticks.
The healthy choices are healthy enough (except the fruit cocktail, which is
sugar loaded), but they don't "stick to your ribs". if there was a salad
bar with meats, cheeses, nuts and eggs to add to the salad, that would be
nice, but i still wonder how many kids would eat it.
Pizza and a hamburger or cheeseburger are offered daily. The main entree
varies with delectable fare such as hot dogs, corn dogs, chicken burgers and
macho nachos. It sounds like a menu from 7-11 or AM/PM.
shay
The Watsons
"S&W" <shan...@excite.com> wrote in message
news:1041mek...@corp.supernews.com...
> I have Brittani's school lunch menu in front of me now, and I will just
pick
> the next lunch day (Monday 3/1/04). Chicken nuggets & mashed potatoes
*or*
> cheese pizza *or* hamburger. Star crunch cookie. But they offer "Healthy
> Choices" also: tossed green salad, fruit cocktail, red apple, carrot
sticks.
>
> The healthy choices are healthy enough (except the fruit cocktail, which
is
> sugar loaded), but they don't "stick to your ribs". if there was a salad
> bar with meats, cheeses, nuts and eggs to add to the salad, that would be
> nice, but i still wonder how many kids would eat it.
>
> Pizza and a hamburger or cheeseburger are offered daily. The main entree
> varies with delectable fare such as hot dogs, corn dogs, chicken burgers
and
> macho nachos. It sounds like a menu from 7-11 or AM/PM.
can she pick something like the hamburger, a salad, and maybe the apple with
whatever nonsoda drink they've got (milk?)?...or maybe have her pack stuff
like that, and she picks up her entree when lunchtime comes around?
Jess
Amy Lou
> news:20040226194757...@mb-m10.aol.com...
> > Our school lunches are always incredibly high in carbs. I've been doing
> an
> > informal survey of the lunches for about the last month, and they
> typically run
> > about 150 or more carbs per meal. Now I know how I gained 10 -15 lbs. a
> year
> > eating them. :-(
>
> I have Brittani's school lunch menu in front of me now, and I will just
pick
> the next lunch day (Monday 3/1/04). Chicken nuggets & mashed potatoes
*or*
> cheese pizza *or* hamburger. Star crunch cookie. But they offer "Healthy
> Choices" also: tossed green salad, fruit cocktail, red apple, carrot
sticks.
Our school offers the same sort of menu but also sandwiches, rolls, toasted
sandwiches, corn cobs, soup, noodles, kebabs, garlic bread, fish, wedges
(not fried chips), lasagna, spaghetti bol...and more. The only drinks
offered are fruit boxes, mineral water and flavoured milk. Snacks are
limited to carrot sticks, pikelets, custart tarts, donuts and hedgehogs.
My policy is the kids can order a school lunch once in a while, mostly they
take a sandwich and fruit from home. Its cheaper.
Amy
CheekyMo
just friends, and I have seen him mention me before...just doesn't seem
right to me, is all. I can imagine how he would feel if I was talking to
'men' and emailing them back and forth about things.
Wendy
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
news:20040225120024...@mb-m01.aol.com...
> >I don't like that
> >single bit (LOL) only because when he talks to other females on line and
> >says hes a single father...
>
> Why is he doing this?
>
> ~~Geri~~
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
CheekyMo
called....lifestyle, partnership, relationship." Life is sure not easy at
times, maybe once I decide if it's worth sticking out or not I will find
some peace in this situation.
*sigh*
Wendy
"Kerri Clair" <kerri...@aol.comma> wrote in message
news:20040225133151...@mb-m06.aol.com...
Wendy
> I have Brittani's school lunch menu in front of me now, and I will just
pick
> the next lunch day (Monday 3/1/04). Chicken nuggets & mashed potatoes
*or*
> cheese pizza *or* hamburger. Star crunch cookie. But they offer "Healthy
> Choices" also: tossed green salad, fruit cocktail, red apple, carrot
sticks.
>
> The healthy choices are healthy enough (except the fruit cocktail, which
is
> sugar loaded), but they don't "stick to your ribs". if there was a salad
> bar with meats, cheeses, nuts and eggs to add to the salad, that would be
> nice, but i still wonder how many kids would eat it.
My girls say that the salads at school are "mingin", which translates into
horrible, yet they do want to eat healthily. Look at MacDonalds attempts to
introduce healthier eating options into their range. They're doing that
because it's what consumers want, and because they're losing market share on
their old strategy.
Sweden has an excellent scheme where they measure calories and nutrion so
it's balanced over each week, and England is considering following something
similar.
I think it's a matter of education.
Wendy
Geri and sometimes Brian
>because it's what consumers want, and because they're losing market share on
>their old strategy.
Is that where you live?? Mickey D's offers some of the healthy stuff here, but
nobody orders it. People even get pissed off if you change the oil for the
fries to something more healthy that what had previously been used.
~~Geri~~
Amy Lou
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
MacDonalds here have the new healthy choices. I tried the vege burger and it
isn't that bad. There has been a lot of advertising. I think it is all being
accepted well. It seems to be bringing more people back to MacDonalds.
As for school canteens in NSW there are new laws governing what canteens can
sell. They have this system labelling foods either red, yellow or green. Red
is things like crisps, fizzy cordials. Yellow is partly healthy foods like
low fat pies. Green is healthy stuff. The Green stuff can be sold all year
round. Yellows are only to be sold one day per week (or something similar -
don't remember exactly). Reds can only be sold 8 days during the school
year. Good eh?
Amy
Wendy
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.commotion> wrote in message
news:20040229060609...@mb-m23.aol.com...
Yes. You should see the ad campaign to promote it, since people are voting
in favour of healthier eating with their pocketbook.
Wendy
The Watsons
"Wendy" <we...@hundredakerwood.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c1upit$33d$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Yes. You should see the ad campaign to promote it, since people are voting
> in favour of healthier eating with their pocketbook.
:D
Jess
Geri and sometimes Brian
>> in favour of healthier eating with their pocketbook.
McD's has ads promoting their healthy stuff here too, but nobody eats it.
Really. There was a huge uproar a while back when they changed their cooking
oil for the fries to a healthier type and people complained like crazy because
their fries didn't taste the same.
The way I look at it, if I want healthy food, I will fix it myself or go to a
nicer restaurant. If I want a McRib and a Shamrock Shake, McD's is the place.
(To be fair, my parents stopped at a Mickey D's in London, just to get some
"American" food in their six week sojourn in Europe and they said that it
tastes totally different over there.)
~~Geri~~
Kerri Clair
>"Kerri Clair" <kerri...@aol.comma> wrote in message
>news:20040225044218...@mb-m23.aol.com...
>> "Lori" real...@bigfoot.com wrote:
>>
>> >if it were me, and I was expected to bear some of the
>> >responsibilities in raising them (taking to appointments, shopping,
>taking
>> >care of when dad is not there), then I would be insisting on authority
>too.
>> >If I were nothing but a baby-sitter and driver, then pay me.
>>
>> Exactly! But still, some single fathers expect their second wives or
>> girlfriends to be live-in nannies for their children, except for the
>salary
>> part of course. In fact it's even more of a bonus for those types since
>the
>> second wife or girlfriend usually brings in a second income as well.
>>
>
>
>But as long as these second wives or girlfriends are just meekly accepting
>this and doing it, then it's as much their own fault, if not more, that it's
>happening.
Absolutely ... to a point. Anyone in the situation the OP is in cannot just
sit back and accept it meekly. But I wouldn't go as far to say it's "as much
their own fault, if not more". Despite the fact that I believe no one should
sit back and continue to allow themselves to be taken advantage of, I also
believe that it still remains a fault and character flaw mainly within the
person who *is* taking advantage.
It's the "Taker vs. Giver" thing. Givers can seem a little pathetic until they
finally wise up, but Takers are just obnoxious individuals in all aspects and
they never seem to change.
-Kerri