Is it over yet? (long)
Michael R. Martin
when the stepbrat child goes to his moms for the weekend.
I had made some fudge that didn't turn out so had been gradually nibbling
away at it with a spoon. Find out tonight the stepbrat child had been
helping himself too. When I brought this to my "wonderful" husband's
attention, he looks at the kid and tells him to leave my stuff alone. Yeah,
thanks honey, that'll work. So, I go in the brat's room and take some stuff
from his bed and throw it on the floor. Told him if he wasn't going to
respect me and my stuff, I see absolutely no reason to respect him and his
stuff. Then, of course, "wonderful" hubby says I'm throwing a temper
tantrum.
So, let's see, the kid leaves me not knowing where he's at Christmas Eve
when his mom is supposed to pick him up, then tells me I was supposed to
call him to tell him when she was coming. Excuse me? It's not enough your
precious grandfather calls AFTER he takes you to the mall, now you're going
to try this?! I think not.
The grandparents scream bloody murder because grandpa called (after the
fact) and how dare I tell them they're being inconsiderate!!
My husband convinces me I should bring my daughter over to same grandparents
house to open presents -- strangely enough, everyone got presents except me.
Not a one. Not from the grandparents, not the sister in law, not the
stepbrat, nobody. Husband did, stepbrat did, daughter did, I was the only
one left out of the loop -- didn't even get a lump of coal.
Please tell me this experience is almost over. Someone please tell me all
marriages and/or families are not this bad.
One good thing -- all this gives me a great incentive to save every dime I
can to get the Hell out of this place.
Cindy Martin
CMa...@lnc.com (please respond to newsgroup or this email and do not
respond to author)
lilblakdog
Michael R. Martin wrote in message ...
>strangely enough, everyone got presents except me.
>Not a one. Not from the grandparents, not the sister in law, not the
>stepbrat, nobody. Husband did, stepbrat did, daughter did, I was the only
>one left out of the loop -- didn't even get a lump of coal.
If it helps, I'll give you ours.
"Stepson" (meaning biomom) got us a but-ugly gift package of spaghetti and
pronged server. It's whole wheat spaghetti and in a tall, ceramic house
that defies description. At least it came in very popable bubble wrap!
Then she has the nerve to ask if it goes at all with our kitchen. Ha! I
think probably no!
lil
kim Sager
for chapter one you can read the post I just posted this A.M- titled "a
dissapointing time/update"
then for more fun, ....since "D" has been calling lisa(the live in witch)
everyday at her sisters since she has been gone, sometimes he leaves a
message which she then returns his calls, if she doesn't hang up on me when
I answer, which she's done several times, when she does decide to speak,
she abruptly asks for "D" without so much as a hello to me.
Last night she returned his call, my fiance answered thr phone, (I asked
him if she said hello to him, and he said yes he was very nice, hard to
believe) but anyway, after she finished talking to both kids, "D" said to
"B"(fiance) "lisa says happy holidays to you dad" completely disregarding
my presence in the room.
I later brought this to the attention of "B" to which he agreed I had a
point.
I keep trying, starting from scratch, trying to ignore his hurtful actions,
attitude, and bad vibes in general. Thank god the older one is grounded,
and pretty nice to me considering he is a real teenager-which could be a
real bitch in and of itself.
I'm trying not to punish my fiance for the actions of this child, and
trying not to let this come between us, but I'm not doing a very good job.
I'm always the one who is supposed to be the adult, the mature one...no
matter how this kid treats me.
and I'm supposed to invite this witch to our wedding- my engagement time
has been absolutley ruined by these two, now my wedding is too. I'm
seriously thinking of my options here, I keep going back and forth, of
course my inclination is to run...run...as fast and as far away as
possible.
is that throwing out the baby with the bathwater, should I be concentrating
on the love I share with my fiance instead of trying to win the love of
this child that I will never have.
I'm feeling like S-H-I-T...
what's so happy about this new year?
kim
Michael R. Martin <sha...@mvp.net> wrote in article
<Uhgi2.2756$fu2.23...@typhoon.stlnet.com>...
> house to open presents -- strangely enough, everyone got presents except
me.
> Not a one. Not from the grandparents, not the sister in law, not the
> stepbrat, nobody. Husband did, stepbrat did, daughter did, I was the
only
> one left out of the loop -- didn't even get a lump of coal.
Gp lenexa
>has been absolutley ruined by these two, now my wedding is too.
Why do you have to invite her?
> I'm
>seriously thinking of my options here, I keep going back and forth, of
>course my inclination is to run...run...as fast and as far away as
>possible.
I would run, run, run.
Geri
Vicki Robinson
>I have a holiday horror story for you too,
>for chapter one you can read the post I just posted this A.M- titled "a
>dissapointing time/update"
>
[snip]
>I'm trying not to punish my fiance for the actions of this child, and
>trying not to let this come between us, but I'm not doing a very good job.
>I'm always the one who is supposed to be the adult, the mature one...no
>matter how this kid treats me.
>
Well, yeah. I understand your frustration, but yes, you are. It IS a
bitch, isn't it? But if you can't maintain your own maturity, how can
you expect a kid half your age to do so?
>and I'm supposed to invite this witch to our wedding- my engagement time
>has been absolutley ruined by these two, now my wedding is too. I'm
>seriously thinking of my options here, I keep going back and forth, of
>course my inclination is to run...run...as fast and as far away as
>possible.
Kim, I'm sorry to say this, and I fully expect a lot of folks here to
quite legitimately tell me I'm wrong, but I think you ought to listen
to your gut. It's giving you important information. If I had
listened to mine, I never would have married my ex, and in some ways
that would have been a blessing.
I read your posts and hear your struggles and your pain and I think
that you're simply not in a place in your life to take all this on.
If you're miserable now, trust that it won't get better anytime soon.
It can (and probably will) take YEARS to form your new family. You
also want your own baby, which will complicate things even further in
ways that could end up being a nightmare for all of you.
I hope you think long and hard before marrying your fiance. I'm quite
sure that you love him and that he loves you, and that, if you were
both free and unencumbered, you'd do just fine. But he's not
unencumbered. Love does *NOT* conquer all, it's not enough to sustain
a relationship most times, and you're facing a huge problem here,
mostly because Lisa has the upper hand. The kids love her, if she
leaves and the kids perceive your to be the reason (even if you're
not) they'll fight you every inch of the way. If she's not willing to
back down and accord you your place in the household, then she'll win,
I'm afraid. Most of us don't have to live with our "biomoms", you
will not only share a home with her, you'll be her boss! Do you see
the dynamics here?
>
>is that throwing out the baby with the bathwater, should I be concentrating
>on the love I share with my fiance instead of trying to win the love of
>this child that I will never have.
>
That's the romantic way to deal with it. And it won't work, because
the child is always there.
>I'm feeling like S-H-I-T...
>what's so happy about this new year?
>
Whatever you make of it.
I won't tell you what to do, since it has to be your considered
decision. But I hate to see you so deeply unhappy, and, in my
experience (I'm 46, married for the second time, biomom to two,
stepmom to 5 from both husbands) it's not going to get better for a
long time. Maybe not until the 11 yo is old enough to move out. I
think you're fighting an uphill battle that may wear you out before
it's over.
Good luck,
Vicki
--
Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution Resources:
http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/mediation/mediation.html
The alt.folklore.urban FAQ and archive can be found at
http://www.urbanlegends.com/
jan...@mailexcite.com
>
> I have a holiday horror story for you too,
> for chapter one you can read the post I just posted this A.M- titled "a
> dissapointing time/update"
> everyday at her sisters since she has been gone, sometimes he leaves a
> message which she then returns his calls, if she doesn't hang up on me when
> I answer, which she's done several times, when she does decide to speak,
> she abruptly asks for "D" without so much as a hello to me.
> Last night she returned his call, my fiance answered thr phone, (I asked
> him if she said hello to him, and he said yes he was very nice, hard to
> believe) but anyway, after she finished talking to both kids, "D" said to
> "B"(fiance) "lisa says happy holidays to you dad" completely disregarding
> my presence in the room.
> I later brought this to the attention of "B" to which he agreed I had a
> point.
>
> I keep trying, starting from scratch, trying to ignore his hurtful actions,
> attitude, and bad vibes in general. Thank god the older one is grounded,
> and pretty nice to me considering he is a real teenager-which could be a
> real bitch in and of itself.
>
> trying not to let this come between us, but I'm not doing a very good job.
> I'm always the one who is supposed to be the adult, the mature one...no
> matter how this kid treats me.
>
> has been absolutley ruined by these two, now my wedding is too. I'm
> seriously thinking of my options here, I keep going back and forth, of
> course my inclination is to run...run...as fast and as far away as
> possible.
>
> on the love I share with my fiance instead of trying to win the love of
> this child that I will never have.
>
> what's so happy about this new year?
>
>
This might sound stupid.
I think all of you, including Lisa, should sit down and write
out all your needs, desires, and fears surrounding the upcoming
marriage. Then, when you've gotten it all down on paper, try to
rank them in terms of importance and realism. I've been doing
this in my head for all of you as I read your posts. It helps
clarify things.
Then you each have a list like:
New baby Importance 5/Likelihood 3
Love of husband 5/5
Love of elder son 4/4
Love of younger son 5/1
Lisa's absence 5/1
Control of home 4/2
That's just an example. I think that making the list will help
you see your own position. Then you can think about resolving
some of the discrepancies. Can you let go of your need to have
Son 2 love you? Can you live without a baby? Ask yourself why
the most important things are so important.
If the other members of the household work out their own lists,
you can discuss them to whatever extent you all feel comfortable
with it. Maybe your fiancé sees it as very important and highly
probably that you will all learn to live happily together.
Seeing other people's view of both the likelihood and the
importance might be eye opening for him.
If Lisa's greatest fear is losing the children she loves, then
maybe you can agree to a separate living arrangement. If it is
losing her position as head of the household, and you place
great importance on being the head of your household, then the
issue may be irreconcilable. Maybe she could babysit the boys
for extra money on weekends.
jane
Gp lenexa
>maybe you can agree to a separate living arrangement.
Somewhere I got lost in this - why is Lisa going to live in your household?
Geri