the next week or two
daisy
hi all--de-lurking mode on, more or less.
i am no longer going to be a step-parent (yeah!!woohoo!!) but, in the interim,
before there is a move out and after the children have been informed (which was
last night, and not done in the manner we had agreed to....one more nail in the
coffin) how do i deal with the his/mine issue??
there has been abuse of my 4yo, which is one of the contributing factors in my
decision to end this relationship. there are no reins on his children generally,
interspersed (sp?) with yelling and threatening which the 8yo and 10yo have
learned they can usually ignore. so they are wild children. not bad, just a
little wild. DH's treatment of 4yo has now become one of ignoring with a
occasional variant of yelling. when we were walking out of the grocery store
last night, with myself far in the rear as i was still paying when the food was
all bagged, i see DH pushing the cart, with 8yo and 10yo close to it, and 4yo
skipping through the parking lot......because DH is in ignoring mode?? because
DH is so mad at the divorce and blaming 4yo rather than accepting responsibility
where it lies (at least his part-don't flame me) that he doesn't care/would like
it if this child were run over by a car?? 4yo knows this is not acceptable
behavior, but he does push DH (when do i start using s2bx? what is the
netiquette here?) to try to get a reaction out of him.
and i still have at least two weeks, if not another month after that before i
can move into my own place. and i have to pack and sort through stuff and
negotiate with this person (the s2bx/dh) as to what is mine/his/ours that i can
have/you get the idea. and i have to continue to function at work while
wondering what kind of shitty things are going on in my house while i'm not
there. and what dh/s2bx's reaction to his children's behavior while i'm gone
will be, and how much i'm likely to disagree with his reaction.
this feels a little ranty.
i guess more or less what i'm looking for is how to maintain some semblance of
control over myself and (less so-let's be realistic) the situation with the
children while they know i and 4yo are leaving, before we do so.
any idea?? or should i just give up?
daisy
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Cathy Cameron
Hi Daisy,
Just give up. Ignore him and his brats, look after your child and yourself
and look forward to your own freedom from tyranny!!!!
Good luck to you both, God bless,
Cathy Cameron
daisy wrote in article <6mbijt$j...@pdrn.zippo.com>...
janelaw
daisy wrote:
>
> hi all--de-lurking mode on, more or less.
>
> i am no longer going to be a step-parent (yeah!!woohoo!!) but, in the interim,
> before there is a move out and after the children have been informed (which was
> last night, and not done in the manner we had agreed to....one more nail in the
> coffin) how do i deal with the his/mine issue??
>
>
> i guess more or less what i'm looking for is how to maintain some semblance of
> control over myself and (less so-let's be realistic) the situation with the
> children while they know i and 4yo are leaving, before we do so.
>
> any idea?? or should i just give up?
>
Well, as you pointed out, you can't just ignore the children you
are responsible for. Even if s2bx is being childish, you are
still AIC to some extent. You could minimize that, by telling
him not to leave his kids in your charge anymore. Still, even
if you say that he should consider them unsupervised if they are
left alone with you, you know you'll stop them from bungee
jumping off the roof. And actually, they might do some acting
out like that in the next month. If you are uncomfortable,
don't leave your 4 yo alone with him.
I think of that as short-range parenting. The long-range
parenting, all the issues related to them growing into good,
healthy, successful adults, are out of your hands now. Just let
go of your habits of fostering their creativity, teaching them
discipline, helping them resolve conflict in their lives - that
kind of stuff. As much as you may care, you can't do anything
about it anymore. From the sound of your post, you never
could.
It sounds like you care a lot about your "wild ones." The
problem seems to be with their dad's parenting. Maybe if you
concentrate on how they are feeling and how much you will miss
them, you can minimize their feelings of rejection.
Regarding s2bx, the less you engage the better. Hopefully, the
little day-to-day things won't bother you so much now that you
are out of the long-term struggle. OTOH, you could end up
arguing over every cd, candlestick, and towel. Watch "The War
of the Roses." Mediators can really help a lot. Even an
objective mutual friend that you both trust could help split
stuff up fairly.
Good luck!
Vicki Robinson
In a previous article, janelaw <jan...@excite.com> said:
>Mediators can really help a lot.
Amen. Email me for information on mediation. I have a web page
under development with lots of good links, and some other information.
I can answer questions, too, about what mediation is, where you get
it, and what a mediator does.
Vicki
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