Did you ever have one of those years?
lilblakdog
DH phoned his son's mom last night because we hadn't heard from her in a
couple of weeks and were about to become very hard to get ahold of (it's
moving weekend). She told us that my stepson is about to start a barrage
of psych appointments because his occupational therapist thinks he has
Pervasive Development Disorder.
My past experience with psychologists and therapists in general has me
thinking that this will be the complete end of my stepson's life. I
realize that there must be a few good ones out there, but the majority
seems to
be bent on the idea of twisting weak minds and forcing their theories and
ideas on them. And my stepson is not the strongest of children. When he
goes to see some idiot shrink and they try to tell him that he "must" have
been molested, who's going to be the one to say no? God, I've been through
this over and over and all they ever want to do is make you their test
case...the subject of their Nobel Prize winning book!
"Pervasive Development Disorder" is just another stupid label for a kid who
learns differently...another excuse for why a kid isn't learning in the
public school that our tax dollars are providing. I've taught him more in
an afternoon than those idiots have in three years of school! HE LEARNS
DIFFERENTLY!!! And most of what his problem is, is that he has a mother
who refuses to help him grow. The woman cuts his bloody chicken nuggets
for him!!! He's eight! They've based this on the fact that "he has
trouble with math." He has no trouble with math...it's just that nobody
ever taught him on a level he understood. I taught him how to do math
concepts in fifteen minutes! And if they fill him full of drugs and
somebody else's theories, I'm never going to be able to help him! How am I
going to convince him that he *is* smart and he *can* learn if these people
are filling him full of excuses for *not* learning???
God, what am I going to do?
lil
Northrnwmn
OH Lil...
What a stress that must be for you. However, there's a few things that I don't
understand in your post. Why would the occupational therapist be making a
suggestion re:diagnosis???? This goes WAY beyond an occ. therapist's expertise.
That's like a dentist diagnosing depression. I'm sure, as well, that no teacher
(I think you were hinting that they were involved in this as well) would
suggest that a disability in math obviously means that the child may have PDD.
Other factors here MUST be in play.
You suggest that the mother may have a few issues and is stunting your SS's
growth. There's a beginning; you are suggesting that something is possibly
amiss. What do your SS's teachers say about his growth, his therapist? (I
thought you said before that he was seeing one but excuse me if I'm wrong).
Please don't feel that all psychologists are evil. I don't believe that the
majority are interested in "twisting weak minds". A battery of tests is not
meant to label a child so that teachers, therapists and other evil people of
the world will ruin your SS's life. Please give professionals who work with
children a bit more credit than that! These tests, given the opportunity, could
provide these same professionals with the means to better understand your SS
and the way he functions so that they can help him. You say that the education
system has let your SS down. Why is that? Maybe more information on this child
would help his teachers so that he is able to learn in the classroom. I know
the impact of such tests; I work in the classroom every day with children.
Believe me, we are NOT trying to label a child; we are in the business of
HELPING, as are all the other people involved with your SS.
If you and your husband are concerned about how a diagnosis will affect your
ss, get involved in the process. Let the professionals know about your
concerns. Advocate for the boy but I truly don't believe that it is helpful to
stand in the way of some testing.
I really don't mean to sound harsh but I see things from the flip side, Leslie.
I have worked with many a child where I and others knew that we needed to be
doing something differently to help a child and parents were blocking testing
or help of any sort. Of course, we modified programs, spent extra time with the
child etc. but there was no way of knowing exactly what we should be doing
until we had a few more answers about the child. After consulting with other
professionals, real differences could be made.
Please don't see other professionals as trying to harm your SS; everyone wants
the same thing; to help.
Lastly, listen objectively to what your SS's teachers are saying. I know that
all parents say that they know their child best. I don't disagree but teachers
also are the most in touch with how and what children, in general, are and
should be learning at each stage of development. You may think that your SS's
spelling is excellent for his age and then find out that most children are
writing. Just an example. My point is: try to work together for the benefit of
your SS. If you disagree with something, discuss it with the others and if you
don't believe in a course of treatment, stick to your guns. However, don't get
stuck, like some parents, into refusing to do anything at all.
I know I'm being pointed, Leslie and I don't want to upset you but I realy do
hope that this has been helpful.
Northrnwmn
>You may think that your SS's
>spelling is excellent for his age and then find out that most children are
>writing.
WHOOPS!!!! That should have read:
"You may think that your SS's
*printing* is excellent for his age and then find out that most children are
writing."
Sorry about causing some confusion.
PS....My husband is a social worker and he wants me to add that in his
experience PDD is usually diagnosed well before a child is 8 years old. He
agrees that you should go ahead with the tests; chances are quite slim that
they would come up with that diagnosis. OTOH, useful info could result and the
child won't necessarily be labelled anything at all. Lots of times the result
is that the child shows some characteristics of a condition but does not meet
all of the criteria. The diagnosis is not the important part; what counts is
the treatment of whatever conditions exist.
janelaw
Lil,
Calm down. Stop crying. Well, at least stop panicking.
You are letting your own stuff get in the way here. You have to
separate your own experiences from SS's problem. Stop thinking
about the worst possible outcome; it will just make you more
upset. All you can do right now is to start figuring out how
you can help the boy.
Sure, shrinks can be idiots. Sure there are erroneous
recollections of sexual abuse. I am even willing to assume your
cousin is one of them. But your knee-jerk reaction to the
profession is not going to help SS. You have to work with these
people now.
Get back to the library and the Net, and start researching.
Find out all you can about PDD. Save all information you find
about diagnosis, treatment, pharmacological options, etc. Start
reading up on general childhood education and development. Then
turn to service providers in SS's area. Find out all you can
about different social workers, psychologists, doctors of ed,
etc. in the area. Try to find someone who you feel could HELP
SS.
I'm busy right now, but I'll do a quick search later and email
you what I find.
Jane
P.S. Stop blaming BM! If you alienate her now, you won't be
able to do anything for the boy.
janelaw
>
> I feel like crying.
>
> DH phoned his son's mom last night because we hadn't heard from her in a
> couple of weeks and were about to become very hard to get ahold of (it's
> moving weekend). She told us that my stepson is about to start a barrage
> of psych appointments because his occupational therapist thinks he has
> Pervasive Development Disorder.
>
>
Lil,
I'm sorry but I have to post this. My browser keeps crashing
when I try to send it by email.
I hunted up some stuff on PDD. I'm sure you can find more. It
doesn't sound like this is anything to panic about right now.
(Of course that's easy for me to say, since it isn't my kid.)
Maybe the OT just sees something that reminds her of PDD. If
the neurologist does diagnose this as PDD, it might be a good
thing. At least then you, the teachers, BM, SD, etc. can all
get together with information on how to help him learn. The
general impression I get is that PDDNOS is a disorder at the
mild end of the autism spectrum. If SS has gotten by this far
without too much trouble, he probably is at the mild end of the
PDDNOS spectrum, too. So it doesn't sound like he'll be facing
electroshock therapy, psychotropic drugs, and Freudian analysis
right off the bat.
Anyway, I hope something on this list will be of help to you.
Jane
Definitions. http://www.phy.uqam.ca/~sqa/dsm4_e.html
Harvard/MGH autism BBS.
http://neuro-www.mgh.harvard.edu/forum/AutismMenu.html
Yale Child Study Center Developmental Disabilities Clinic &
Research Home Page
http://info.med.yale.edu/chldstdy/autism/
Clear and concise info on PDDNOS, treatment, and diagnosis.
Message board. http://www.nwfl.net/jaynamom/index.html
PDD Support Home Page.
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/9647/
Calgary Regional Health Authority autism page.
http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/autism.htm
Article, research publication source.
http://www.autism-society.org/packages/pdd.html
Developmental Disabilities Forum.
http://www.nwlink.com/~nickguy/wwwboard/wwwboard.html
List of a gazillion autism links.
http://web.syr.edu/~jmwobus/autism/
One mother's personal view on Autism/PDD.
http://www3.sympatico.ca/anne.maclellan/
Synapse: Niagra Autism Connection.
http://www.cgocable.net/%7edhaist/
Advice on advocacy, IEP participation, etc. The Pervasive
Developmental Disorder/Interactional Disorder Association of
Houston, Texas
http://www.hounet.com/autism/
Home page of a family with one child who has PDDNOS. They
discuss how different treatment methods have worked for them.
http://www.zoomnet.net/~tdotson/
Autism/PDD resources network. http://autism-pdd.net/
lilblakdog
<19980927100220...@ng68.aol.com>...
>
> OH Lil...> What a stress that must be for you. However, there's a few
things that I don't
> understand in your post. Why would the occupational therapist be making a
> suggestion re:diagnosis???? This goes WAY beyond an occ. therapist's
expertise.
> That's like a dentist diagnosing depression. I'm sure, as well, that no
teacher
> (I think you were hinting that they were involved in this as well) would
> suggest that a disability in math obviously means that the child may have
PDD.
> Other factors here MUST be in play.
Sorry my original post sounded so panicky and judgemental. My fault...you
see, I was being panicky and judgemental! :-)
I did not mean to imply that teachers were idiots. However, I'm one of
many parents who dislike the blanket rule that no children are kept behind.
My stepson desperately needs it! I also despise the new grading system.
However, I know that there are gazillions of wonderful teachers out there
(I had a second grade teacher who made my childhood almost bearable and I
still exchange Christmas cards with her!) and I just wish my stepson would
be blessed with one of them one of these days. He has good teachers who do
the best they can in over-crowded schools and a system that puts "pointing
and clicking" above penmanship. He just has yet to find that exceptional
one who convinces him that he's a smart little boy and singles him out for
five minutes of "cleaning brushes" after school (that was when I had my
best talks with my elementary school teachers).
I must say, I'm brightened a little by what your husband has said, about
PDD generally being diagnosed long before now. And I've been reading up on
it a bit and I must say, it doesn't sound *a thing* like the little boy DH
and I see. So I guess we'll have to wait and see. As for why the OT would
think that, I really can't say. I'm afraid I still don't understand
exactly what the occupational therapist does...he still holds his pencil
wrong and DH and I were the ones who taught him to tie his shoes. The last
we understood was that the OT was supposed to help him with his motor
skills.
> You suggest that the mother may have a few issues and is stunting your
SS's
> growth. There's a beginning; you are suggesting that something is
possibly
> amiss. What do your SS's teachers say about his growth, his therapist? (I
> thought you said before that he was seeing one but excuse me if I'm
wrong).
His teachers say nothing. In fact, they stated that his math was
"satisfactory" on his final, 2nd grade report card!
> Please don't feel that all psychologists are evil. I don't believe that
the
> majority are interested in "twisting weak minds". A battery of tests is
not
> meant to label a child so that teachers, therapists and other evil people
of
> the world will ruin your SS's life. Please give professionals who work
with
> children a bit more credit than that! These tests, given the opportunity,
could
> provide these same professionals with the means to better understand your
SS
> and the way he functions so that they can help him.
I'd love to give the professionals who work with children more credit than
I have, but I'm afraid that I've simply been through far to much to be
swayed to easily in a positive direction. I've been to dozens of them, it
seems, who all came to the same conclusion...I was molested and I'm in
denial. SIGH! My cousins' therapists have all been the same. To be
totally honest, I don't know anyone--personally--who has had a positive
experience with the psychiatric profession. Even DH hates them.
As far as those tests, I swear I wish I knew one of two of these therapists
that you're talking about...I could use one. The last one I went to tested
me by reading my writings and having me draw a picture with my left hand.
She wanted me to draw my fear...I drew a clown. She found it odd that I'm
terrified of clowns. I can name a dozen people I know who are, but she
found that odd. Then she asked me to draw the first time I remember being
uncomfortable being touched. I drew a picture of my oldest brother putting
suntan lotion on my back when I was twelve. Hmmm...molestation, or just me
suddenly being aware of the two of us as a man and a woman and being
uncomfortable with my own sexuality. Honestly, my brothers couldn't stand
to hold my hand crossing the street...I'm the last person they'd molest!
At any rate, I seem to recall this not being about me, so I'll get back on
track now! :-Ş
> If you and your husband are concerned about how a diagnosis will affect
your
> ss, get involved in the process. Let the professionals know about your
> concerns. Advocate for the boy but I truly don't believe that it is
helpful to
> stand in the way of some testing.
Actually, DH has insisted on being a part of the process. One of my fears,
now, is how easily DH and I become pawns if they want to decide that my
stepson was molested. All it takes is for DH's ex to start thinking,
"Well, it doesn't happen at home, but...." I think that's my biggest
problem with this whole thing. We haven't done anything wrong (unless you
count the twice he walked in on me while I was changing), but it doesn't
mean the world won't crash down around us anyway.
> Lastly, listen objectively to what your SS's teachers are saying. I know
that
> all parents say that they know their child best. I don't disagree but
teachers
> also are the most in touch with how and what children, in general, are
and
> should be learning at each stage of development.
I'd love to listen objectively to the teachers...I scour his report card
every time we get one, to see what they're saying. The problem is, they
don't say anything. The last one said that he transposes his figures. We
tested him over and over and over and he didn't transpose any of them...we
did hundreds! They never say anything about his math...they just gush
about what a charming, delightful, imaginative little kid he is. That he
is, but we all know that.
> However, don't get
> stuck, like some parents, into refusing to do anything at all.
Never! My stepson means the world to me and I'll help any way I can...even
if it means *I* have to go back to the therapist with him!
You've been very helpful, Sandy (oh, Lord...it *is* Sandy, right?), and not
harsh at all. My brain was screaming when I posted that and I've settled
down now.
The fury's moved down to my foot, actually...I took a swan dive off of the
second to last stair while moving boxes this morning and ended up in the
emergency room. It looked like I was stashing jawbreakers under my skin!
lil
lilblakdog
janelaw <jan...@excite.com> wrote in article
<360E61DB...@excite.com>...
> Get back to the library and the Net, and start researching.
> Find out all you can about PDD. Save all information you find
> about diagnosis, treatment, pharmacological options, etc. Start
> reading up on general childhood education and development. Then
> turn to service providers in SS's area. Find out all you can
> about different social workers, psychologists, doctors of ed,
> etc. in the area. Try to find someone who you feel could HELP
> SS.
>
> I'm busy right now, but I'll do a quick search later and email
> you what I find.
I've been doing some poking and, I must say, it doesn't sound like the
little boy that DH and I know. *Hopefully* they won't be so into this
label that they're afraid to be wrong. If they're right, DH and I will do
everything we can, but I suspect that he's just an artsy kind of a kid. My
little brother was the same and he's now on his final 2 credits of his BA,
after which he'll continue on for his teaching degree. Still can't do math
in his head, though.
> P.S. Stop blaming BM! If you alienate her now, you won't be
> able to do anything for the boy.
Don't worry...DH and I can't afford to alienate her. However, it doesn't
keep me from being aware of her faults and shortcomings. She's a
wonderful, loving mother and a fabulous nurturer. My stepson is a happy,
sensative little boy...which he probably wouldn't be if he were raised by
DH and I. However, she is simply not interested in broadening his
horizons. There are a zillion things that she can do that doesn't involve
actual teaching (having him take his plate to the sink, help sort laundry,
cut his own food, choose his own clothes, tidy his own room, read for a
certain amount of time per day, encourage him to draw by putting his
pictures on the refrigerator, etc), but she doesn't. And it's more than a
little frustrating for DH and I, but we've been this road *many* times
before!
lil
Lisa
developmental disorders, says that PDD would probably have shown up a
lot earlier, that a good psychologist can tell you some things about how
to help SS learn in his own way, AND
that, maybe, the psychologist will help explain to BM that children need
some challenges to learn things.
Of course, it's possible that there is something like Asperger's
syndrome or a sensory-motor disability. But, gee, the you'd know. When
BM has been so unwilling to have the child learn things (wasn't he in
diapers a really long time, for example?) his problems could be because
of that. And *you* can't say that to her --not and have her hear it,
anyway, but maybe a psychologist can.
And hey, how's you jaw? Are you feeling less sore?
lilblakdog wrote:
> I've been doing some poking and, I must say, it doesn't sound like the
> little boy that DH and I know. *Hopefully* they won't be so into this
> label that they're afraid to be wrong. If they're right, DH and I will do
> everything we can, but I suspect that he's just an artsy kind of a kid. My
> little brother was the same and he's now on his final 2 credits of his BA,
> after which he'll continue on for his teaching degree. Still can't do math
> in his head, though.
<snip about BM's unwillingness to teach SS>
Lisa
it won't happen again.
JPretty18
Lil...
My 6 year old step-son has PDD and ADHD.......so I know how you feel...our
situation may be different because he was exerting lots of symptoms before he
was diagnosed, lots of behaviors that we did not understand like pacing and
fantasy worlds, frustration and anger....while the diagnosis was shocking....it
has helped us to deal with things that we were having touble dealing
with....like the fact that he could not tie his shoes or ride a bike......we
have a good team of doctors and very lucky this year so far with his teacher
being understanding and willing to keep him in the class room....while his ADHD
seems to be more prevelant...the signs of the PDD are there too.
Just wanted to let you know there was another step out here dealing with
this....reading helps!!! learn all you can and share it with the parents. is
there a possibility that he has ADD or ADHD as well???? we find those symptoms
easier to deal with. Our doc has also told us that the PDD makes it hard for
him to communicate with people rather than machines or objects....so if you
have a class that allows him to work on computers, he may be better off....he
may be able to learn more. My SS is very resistant to learning new things...he
would be happy to stay 6 the rest of his life...so we are trying to find new
ways to help him learn things that are less stressful to him. He is very
intelligent...as most PDD kids are...its just that they learn differently and
they express themselves differently...it has a lot to do with social skills and
realting to people.
In our situation we dont always work together with bio-mom and her fiance and
the difference in the households and the transition times seems to aggravate
his symptoms. but this is a whole other ball of wax..........that I would be
happy to share with you about.
Good luck...keep seeking support and knowledge. this is a diasease that all of
you can learn to live with......and in the end the more you know the more you
can help the child deal with this.
msmith
>
> janelaw <jan...@excite.com> wrote in article
> <360E61DB...@excite.com>...
>
> > Get back to the library and the Net, and start researching.
> > Find out all you can about PDD. Save all information you find
> > about diagnosis, treatment, pharmacological options, etc. Start
> > reading up on general childhood education and development. Then
> > turn to service providers in SS's area. Find out all you can
> > about different social workers, psychologists, doctors of ed,
> > etc. in the area. Try to find someone who you feel could HELP
> > SS.
> >
> > I'm busy right now, but I'll do a quick search later and email
> > you what I find.
>
> little boy that DH and I know. *Hopefully* they won't be so into this
> label that they're afraid to be wrong. If they're right, DH and I will do
> everything we can, but I suspect that he's just an artsy kind of a kid. My
> little brother was the same and he's now on his final 2 credits of his BA,
> after which he'll continue on for his teaching degree. Still can't do math
> in his head, though.
>
> > able to do anything for the boy.
>
> Don't worry...DH and I can't afford to alienate her. However, it doesn't
> keep me from being aware of her faults and shortcomings. She's a
> wonderful, loving mother and a fabulous nurturer. My stepson is a happy,
> sensative little boy...which he probably wouldn't be if he were raised by
> DH and I. However, she is simply not interested in broadening his
> horizons. There are a zillion things that she can do that doesn't involve
> actual teaching (having him take his plate to the sink, help sort laundry,
> cut his own food, choose his own clothes, tidy his own room, read for a
> certain amount of time per day, encourage him to draw by putting his
> little frustrating for DH and I, but we've been this road *many* times
> before!
>
> lil
You are thinking worst case scenerios. I totally understand.
On the otherhand it is quite possible the psychologist will tell the
mother that it would be good if the boy did his own dishes and stuff
like that.
Michael Smith