Hi, I hope I can get some suggestions
livelovelaugh
Without going into the whole history of BM being loopy and playing mind games with anyone involved, I have a recent issue I would like some input on.
SD lives with us, and SS lives with BM. Last time SD (14) was at BM's for Friday eve to Sunday eve visitation, BM brought SD home on Saturday evening (we weren't home) because she was mad at her and told her to "think twice before coming to visit again". We got home at 1:30 in the morning surprised to find her home with a note on the kitchen counter saying "Mom brought me home early because she was mad at me, I'll explain in the morning. Sorry I'm home". (That last line broke my heart).
BM got mad over the two kids fighting over something stupid and she decided she couldn't handle SD anymore.
SD hasn't spoken to BM since, but when SS came for visitation last he time, he told SD that "Mom" isn't mad at her anymore. Am I out of line thinking BM should pick up the phone? All SD has said is that she doesn't really want to talk to BM. What can I do to help SD in a situation like this, I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel.
I guess I should add that BM has done things to alienate SD on more than one occasion in the past. Can we avoid this from somehow happening again?
Karen
"livelovelaugh" <livelovelaugh@> wrote in message
news:d2cef7c9a79ad30a...@localhost.talkaboutparenting.com...
>
> I guess I should add that BM has done things to alienate SD on more than
one occasion in the past. Can we avoid this from somehow happening again?
>
I don't have any experience in this, since I have never had to deal with a
BM, but I don't see how you can change what someone else is doing.
I feel sorry for your SD. If it were me, I would focus on making sure she's
got someone to talk to.
Hope it gets better.
Karen
n...@impactwp.com
"livelovelaugh" <livelovelaugh@> wrote in message
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You know sometimes I think it can be easy for a stepparent to look at a
situation such as that in which you find yourself now and think 'ah yes BM
should do a, b, or c'. And on some level, you're quite right. But, when you
consider that neither BM nor SD has picked up the phone, I can't help but
wonder if they are both simply stubborn mules? Some families don't consider
who should do the right thing and can have arguments and neither talk to the
other even when they are both ready to forgive each other.
In my house, I'd likely call BM myself and explain that SD has calmed down,
but that you can't see her making the first move, and you wondered if BM
could do so. I think 'my' BM would accept my word on it and also use my call
as encouragement to get over her own stubbornness.
If you don't have this kind of relationship, can't DH do it? You can always
try encouraging SD to contact her Mom herself, but it sounds like she's
sticking at the moment anyway.
It's silly really. SD is mad because she's now decided that BM should
apologise first. BM's probably mad because she thinks SD should call and
apologise first. These silly arguments end up being family feuds if
everyone's as stubborn as everyone else, perhaps you can be the nice
catalyst of healing the rift for them all!
Good luck
Nikki
jane
Only in the sense that it's completely useless to think about what BM should
do.
> What can I do to help SD in a situation like this,
Tell her you love her.
jane
>From: "livelovelaugh" livelovelaugh@