Step parent or not
Amy Lou
interest.
The other day my kid was discussing something with his step dad. I was in
the other room, not part of the discussion but still able to eavesdrop
(unintentionally of course). They were talking about something which I
considered important enough to involve me.
I don't know if I would feel the same way if DH was not the step dad but
anyway in this case I felt a little put out that they were discussing this
without me.
Anyone else out there ever feel left out?
Do you think it is 'greedy' to feel that way?
Amy
* Calinda *
> OK seeing as it is so dead in here lately I have something that might
> be of interest.
>
> The other day my kid was discussing something with his step dad. I was
> in the other room, not part of the discussion but still able to
> eavesdrop (unintentionally of course). They were talking about
> something which I considered important enough to involve me.
Your son is (nearly?) an adult, is he not? Did he go to your DH, or was
it the other way around? If it was your son that approached your DH, did
he go to him as 'Man to Man" or as Son to (step)Father..
> I don't know if I would feel the same way if DH was not the step dad
> but anyway in this case I felt a little put out that they were
> discussing this without me.
Do you think there is a chance that after your son has had time to think
about what he and his SF talked about, that he may end up coming to talk
to you as well?
> Anyone else out there ever feel left out?
>
> Do you think it is 'greedy' to feel that way?
>
> Amy
I think it is another example of your adversarial relationship with your
DH. It sounds like you're jealous that your son went to your DH instead
of you.
Cal~
WhansaMi
I can't say I've ever felt that way. I've been very happy that my children
felt close enough to my DH that they like to talk to him about important
matters.
I do suspect that it would be the same, for you, if it were the biological
father.
Sheila
Aileen MacNicol
<amyl...@bigpond.com> writes
>OK seeing as it is so dead in here lately I have something that might be of
>interest.
>
>The other day my kid was discussing something with his step dad. I was in
>the other room, not part of the discussion but still able to eavesdrop
>(unintentionally of course). They were talking about something which I
>considered important enough to involve me.
This is your son you're talking about, right? I would tend to go along
with Cal's thinking about it being a 'man to man' kind of talk. A
gender thing. Maybe he needed adult assistance which wasn't 'parental'.
As a comparison: my SD16 has *often* talked to me about stuff which she
couldn't, or wouldn't, speak to her father, DH, about. (Or possibly BM
- but its hard to tell given the distance in their relationship at the
time). She knew if it was something horribly serious that we (she and
I) would maybe *have* to talk to either DH or BM or both; luckily its
never got that far (or she's just not told *me* about that!). As she
gets older, though, I see she tends to turn to her sister SD22 more; I
just see it as her developing her own support network, whatever best
suited her needs at the time. Nowadays, she's probably looking for peer
support, so her sister is ideal for that; maybe when she talked to me,
she needed something 'adult' but not 'parental', something a bit more
objective.
--
Aileen MacNicol :-)
Amy Lou
"Aileen MacNicol" <m...@murcor.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:R2le1DAq7$UBF...@murcor.demon.co.uk...
> In article <skN4d.2339$5O5...@news-server.bigpond.net.au>, Amy Lou
> <amyl...@bigpond.com> writes
> >OK seeing as it is so dead in here lately I have something that might be
of
> >interest.
> >
> >The other day my kid was discussing something with his step dad. I was in
> >the other room, not part of the discussion but still able to eavesdrop
> >(unintentionally of course). They were talking about something which I
> >considered important enough to involve me.
>
> This is your son you're talking about, right? I would tend to go along
> with Cal's thinking about it being a 'man to man' kind of talk. A
> gender thing. Maybe he needed adult assistance which wasn't 'parental'.
Nope it was a man to parent thing that just happened to be occuring when I
wasn't there. I wouldn't describe it as a man to man thing though they do
like to talk without me around. This was more of a 'asking for permission'
discussion.
It just occurred to me, as I was inadvertently listening, that I felt a
little pang of something. Perhaps it was jealousy? It's hard to describe.
I'd compare it to a first day of school feeling. You know when you leave
your kid for the first time? Or when your kid has his first sleep over. You
know. Its just that thought that "waaa, I might miss something!"
I thought others might have felt something similar. But then again I am
probably not describing it very well.
Amy
jane
>I thought others might have felt something similar. But then again I am
>probably not describing it very well.
>
>Amy
I still don't know what you're talking about. If Lee asked DH for permission
when I was in the other room, I'd be pissed.
jane
* Calinda *
Agreed, but since the original post didn't mention asking for permission,
it was hard to tell what she meant, which is why I asked for
clarification in my reply to her.
However, if Amy has worked it out that she's given authority of her son
to her DH, then it sounds to me that it must be expected that DS would go
to him for that kind of thing as well.
If the DH is a full parent figure for her son, with authority to
discipline, etc.. then I don't think it can be a random thing, just when
it's convenient for her.
If she's giving and taking her DH's authority to parent her son from him,
when it suits her wishes, she's setting then all up for more confusion,
IMO.
Cal~
Amy Lou
"jane" <janel...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040924091652...@mb-m02.aol.com...
Any particular reason why?
Amy
Amy Lou
"* Calinda *" <CalindaSin...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns956E6447F...@130.133.1.4...
The authority to parent doesn't really come into it though. DH has authority
to parent but, the thing is, so do *I*. So the discussion that I was
eavesdropping on just made me realise that I am not aware of everything that
goes on in my son's life.
I expect its going to be the same with my other boys when they get older. DH
is their bio father but that won't make any difference. I'll still feel a
little put out that my babies don't need *me* for everything.
Amy
* Calinda *
Okay.. so are you pissed that you were left out.. or just jealous that
they don't need you as much as in the past?
Cal~
Amy Lou
"* Calinda *" > >
>
> Okay.. so are you pissed that you were left out.. or just jealous that
> they don't need you as much as in the past?
I'm not pissed and I'm not jealous. It was simply noteworthy. This place has
been too quiet lately. :) Anyone got anything more interesting to talk
about?
Amy
jane
>permission
>> when I was in the other room, I'd be pissed.
>
>Any particular reason why?
>
>Amy
Well, what reason could there be for that? Permission is my job and my
responsibility. When I'm out of town, DH is usually AIC. When I'm in the next
room, Lee knows to ask me and DH knows to refer her to me.
jane
Amy Lou
Interesting. :-)
Amy