Are we doing the right thing?
Melissa Torresan
Its about Xmas.. SO and I have got all the presents already. SK is
getting a furby, a Pokemon gameboy with the red and yellow Pokemon
games and a power adaptor, a magic sand kit, and there's a walkie
talkie set being given to him and the nephew - one headset each. Some
clothes..
The thing is, we've got SK for xmas, and we have no clue what BM is
getting him, so there's probably going to be double ups. Which makes
Santa look pretty stupid, huh? But she refuses to cooperate.
SO says that does not matter, because all the presents he gets from us
are staying right here in this house. I can understand the logic -
anything that goes to BM's gets broken, but I think SK is going to be
pretty upset by it.. especially if he does NOT get the gameboy at
BM's, and we're going away right after Xmas, so he misses a weekend
with us.
Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
Mel
---------------------------------------------------
Melissa Torresan
sm...@crosswinds.net
"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!"
---------------------------------------------------
Anne Robotti
on clothes for SD to wear here, because all she ever came in was rags.
Then she'd go home in the outfit she happened to be wearing on Sunday,
and it would disappear. BM later sold a lot of her clothes at garage
sales and took the really nice stuff to get credit at the thrift stores.
Without asking, of course.
Anne
TYounger wrote:
>
> *Nothing* from this house, except maybe a McD's toy, goes to bio-mom's.
> Sometimes she'll send Tristan here with stuff, but she only does it
> because she always gets it back. In our experience, we had problems with
> stuff being kept, ruined, or given back only when it was too
> small/ruined/worn out/broken/what have you.
>
> Tamara
>
> > Melissa Torresan said...
TYounger
Yeah, but does it really count if it's too small, worn out, and wouln't
even fetch any money at a consignment shop? Because that's how
everything we've ever sent come back - she "loses" it... and then we get
it back *months* later, and it's basically demolished. Toys or clothes,
same thing with both.
Fortunately, it only took that happening twice before I put a ban on all
outgoing goods.
Tamara
> Anne Robotti said...
Anne Robotti
house. Sometimes she'll ask to take one special thing, and I've
usually allowed it if the item wasn't too expensive or "garage
sale-able." But frankly, it's usually a while before I let stuff
out of the house. And I just tell her, "Let me see you being responsible
with it around here, and then you can take it to Mommy's." She's old
enough to understand that if I spend a lot of money on something I'm
reluctant to let it out of my sight if she's going to lose it. She just
took her CD player and CD's to BM's recently, and brought them all back
in good condition. So I'll probably allow her to take the GameBoy after
two or three weekends.
Anne
TYounger
*Nothing* from this house, except maybe a McD's toy, goes to bio-mom's.
Sometimes she'll send Tristan here with stuff, but she only does it
because she always gets it back. In our experience, we had problems with
stuff being kept, ruined, or given back only when it was too
small/ruined/worn out/broken/what have you.
Tamara
> Melissa Torresan said...
Dana
Yes, all the gifts stay at our house. Take for example, SD had her bday
party with us the year before last and had to leave with BM right after to
another state. It was going to be few months before she came back and
everyone said, send our gifts with her. We said ok, and didn't. The fact
is BM is a little looney and she has no regard for what people get SD. The
thing is, the kids understand more than you think. SD knows that she needs
toys at Daddy and Dana's too. I think that SS will understand.
Dana
Melissa Torresan <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
news:384ea0fa...@news.bigpond.com...
crazy
every other weekend with BM, they always return in the clothes they left
in. BM has clothes and toys there for them, and we have stuff here. We do
not allow Dad things to go to mom's and vice versa.
SKs also get two santa visits, if things are doubled, we explain that
Santa knows they have two homes, and left the same gifts because he knew
how much they wanted that gift.
works for now :)
Rhainnon
Daisy
must feel. They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with the
child. Just my two cents worth.
Daisy
"Melissa Torresan" <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
news:384ea0fa...@news.bigpond.com...
Daisy
his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These poor
children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
toy here and there?
Daisy
"TYounger" <bo...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.12b875d02...@news.mindspring.com...
>
> *Nothing* from this house, except maybe a McD's toy, goes to bio-mom's.
> Sometimes she'll send Tristan here with stuff, but she only does it
> because she always gets it back. In our experience, we had problems with
> stuff being kept, ruined, or given back only when it was too
> small/ruined/worn out/broken/what have you.
>
> Tamara
>
> > Melissa Torresan said...
Vicki Robinson
>It's a tough call, I understand how you would feel, but think how that child
>must feel. They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
>few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with the
>child. Just my two cents worth.
>
And that would make sense if the other parent let the child keep the toy.
We've had too many horror stories in this NG about one parent giving the
child something, which the other parent immediately confiscates and throws
out or "loses."
Sometimes if you want your child to have the object at all, you have to keep
it at your house.
Vicki
--
Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution Resources:
http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/mediation/mediation.html
The alt.folklore.urban FAQ and archive can be found at
http://www.urbanlegends.com/
Melissa Torresan
>It's a tough call, I understand how you would feel, but think how that child
>must feel. They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
>few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with the
>child. Just my two cents worth.
I would agree - EXCEPT.. BM has deliberately broken toys that SO has
given to SK before. She got caught out once, we were at pickup, and SK
wanted to bring a toy here for the weekend, and SO was in his room
while he was looking for this toy, and came across one that he'd
bought for SK's bday. He asked about it, and SK said "Oh, Mum broke
that one.." She didn't even try to deny it..
You're right, they are given to him and not his mother. Up until this
Xmas, all the good toys went to BM's, and as a result he has nothing
good here to play with. We bought him Pokemon video's, and they are
now at BM's. They never seem to make it back here, even though SK
tells us he wanted to bring them. SO gave SK a computer, and BM uses
it for her study stuff, and SK gets to play on it occasionally. SO
wanted to bring it home last weekend as we had some new games for SK
to put on it, and BM refused, saying she needed it. It's not FOR her.
It's a lucky thing I don't go to pickups anymore, because I would have
marched in there, and taken it. I wish we could password protect the
thing so she can't use it, but that would put pressure on SK, because
he would know the password, and she would punish him till she got it.
So, they are given to him and not to her, but from past experience,
she uses them anyway. We didn't buy those presents for BM, and by
keeping them here, she can't use them..
Mel
PS. That computer is coming home this weekend, or else SO is in the
doghouse.
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>*Nothing* from this house, except maybe a McD's toy, goes to bio-mom's.
>Sometimes she'll send Tristan here with stuff, but she only does it
>because she always gets it back. In our experience, we had problems with
>stuff being kept, ruined, or given back only when it was too
>small/ruined/worn out/broken/what have you.
This is where SO has been such a great person in the past. He always
let SK take the presents home. He's learnt his lesson over the last
year.. which is why he is saying they stay here this time. You know,
we've never once forgotten to take anything back to BM. All the toys,
clothes, stuff that comes here goes back in the same bag. Nothing gets
broken or torn or anything, and yet she has started sending the
rattiest clothes - unwashed. I now have to do a wash on Friday night
just so SK has clean clothes to wear - after Xmas, he'll have enough
clothes for here that we'll tell her not to bother anymore..
Mel
>Tamara
Sian Lee Reid
(Melissa Torresan) wrote:
> The thing is, we've got SK for xmas, and we have no clue what BM is
> getting him, so there's probably going to be double ups. Which makes
> Santa look pretty stupid, huh? But she refuses to cooperate.
It's not as bad as you think, Mel. One year, we bought SD an elaborate
Barbie Dream House. When we told biomom, she thought it was such a great
idea, she went out and bought one too! Again, we had SD first shift (end
of school to 13h Christmas day) so she got ours first, and we didn't care
that biomom had duplicated the gift. *And* it probably made things easier
at biomom's, because SD didn't pine for the house for the rest of the
holidays (which is the only real bummer to our switching schedule; you
open all these cool gifts, and then have to pack up for a trip back to the
other parent! Biomom's got first shift this year, and SD says they get to
open all their presents the morning of Christmas eve, so she gets to play
with them for at least a day!) The explanation could simply be given that
'Santa wanted you to have it wherever you were' for duplicates. Of
course, telling biomom what to say would likely go over like a lead brick
in most cases, but that's what *I* would say if *I* were on second shift
with duplicates! :)
>
> SO says that does not matter, because all the presents he gets from us
> are staying right here in this house. I can understand the logic -
> anything that goes to BM's gets broken, but I think SK is going to be
> pretty upset by it.. especially if he does NOT get the gameboy at
> BM's, and we're going away right after Xmas, so he misses a weekend
> with us.
>
> Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
Absolutely, 100%. If it goes to biomom's there's no guarantee that it
will come back! I don't believe that this is malice on her part, more
sneakiness on the kids'. Biomom takes responsibility for the stuff they
regularly bring here, but anything else is their responsibility. So if
*they* don't make it their responsibility to get it back here (because,
for example, they'd rather have it at biomom's to play with with their
friends!) then it doesn't come back. We let that happen precisely once.
One of the reasons we don't begrudge buying SD toys, even when she's not
here full time, and even when BM buys her lots, is because as she outgrows
them, they will become BD's toys. They have to BE here to be passed
down! :)
BM, on the other hand, lets SD bring things from her house here, and I
wish she wouldn't. First, because I *do* feel responsible for getting
them back to her house (just because that's how I would like to be
treated!) and second because it underscores to BD that SD gets _way_ more
presents than she does, and I just don't like the message that sends.
Don't know if this helps you at all, Mel, but I can see you have loads of
other responses, and now I'm off to read them! :)
Sian
>
Melissa Torresan
>But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact that
>his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These poor
>children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
>toy here and there?
Daisy, there is nothing that I would not do to make sure SK suffers.
I've tried pretty hard to get along with this woman, and nothing I do
is good enough.
I *know* it is hard on SK.
I *know* that when she was yelling at me over the phone with SK in
earshot he was really hurt by that.
I *know* that he thought I would leave because of how nasty she was to
me.
I *know* that he's had several urinary tract infections because she
refuses to cooperate "I dont have a penis, how would I know how to
look after one?"
I *know* that he has a toenail falling off right now because *I* was
the one to point it out, and she was angry about that.
Yes, he is suffering. I'm doing everything I can to stop that, by not
being involved in any way with his mother anymore. But there is no way
in hell I am sending over $500 worth of presents to her house to be
broken by her just because she can't stand the fact that I exist.
I've really just answered my own question here, haven't I?
Mel
>Daisy
Melissa Torresan
<rob...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>At least you got it back. I used to spend HUNDREDS of dollars a year
>on clothes for SD to wear here, because all she ever came in was rags.
>Then she'd go home in the outfit she happened to be wearing on Sunday,
>and it would disappear. BM later sold a lot of her clothes at garage
>sales and took the really nice stuff to get credit at the thrift stores.
>Without asking, of course.
That is sooo nasty. But, I can sort of understand it.. let me give you
an insight into why I am such a nasty person..
I get sooo angry at the sight of these $80 Nikes that all kinds of
thoughts have run through my head.. Cook them in the oven.. put them
out in the rain.. colour them with markers.. throw them into the sea..
You know what makes me so angry about them? That they are ruining SK's
feet, and BM refuses to see that. I've bought reef shoes that have
better support for his feet, and they cost $12. I've gone to K-mart,
and seen all the shoes there for $20 or $30 that have better support
for kids feet. If I could get rid of those shoes, I would do it.
Not that that has anything to do with what you've written.. I'm just
dreading seeing SK's rotting toenail this weekend. It'll be at the
point where it is all black by now.. We now take him swimming at the
heavily chlorinated pool each weekend in the hope it might help to
kill off the fungus, seeing we're not allowed to do anything about it.
Mel
Melissa Torresan
Torresan) wrote:
>Daisy, there is nothing that I would not do to make sure SK suffers.
Hmm.. that doesn't sound quite right.. I mean, I would do anything to
make sure SK doesn't suffer.. :)
lilblakdog
news:384ea0fa...@news.bigpond.com...
> Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
Definitely. BM sometimes sends one or two of his gifts over with him, with
the understanding that they be returned when he goes home. However,
anything we've ever sent over there--coats, boots, toys, scarves, hats,
mitts--is never seen or heard from again. Particularly the boots--we buy
him a pair every winter and the next time he comes he's wearing sneakers
again and we have to buy a new pair.
Don't worry about stepson being upset. He'd just be upset all over again
when it never made it back to your house!
lil
--
Who is at fault when a monster is a monster? Is it the monster? Or the
person who created it to be a monster?
Sian Lee Reid
> But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact that
> his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These poor
> children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
> toy here and there?
>
> Daisy
>
For a lot of the parents who post here, Daisy, it isn't a matter of a toy
here or there. It's a matter of spending money on stuff that goes to the
other parent's house and never comes back, and then having the child howl
and refuse to come over because 'it's boring and there's nothing to do.'
Well, there would be if all the toys and movies didn't migrate!
Especially for non-custodial parents like Mel, Tamara and Anne, it is
about creating a home for a child that contains the things the child
wants, and that the child wants to come to. It's about not giving a
hidden subsidy to the other parent, on top of adequate child support. It
isn't in any way about being mean to the child...
Sian
Melissa Torresan
>Mel,
>Yes, all the gifts stay at our house. Take for example, SD had her bday
>party with us the year before last and had to leave with BM right after to
>another state. It was going to be few months before she came back and
>everyone said, send our gifts with her. We said ok, and didn't. The fact
>is BM is a little looney and she has no regard for what people get SD. The
>thing is, the kids understand more than you think. SD knows that she needs
>toys at Daddy and Dana's too. I think that SS will understand.
Understand, maybe.. Accept.. probably not. I can tell you exactly what
will happen. SO will tell Sk that the presents stay here, and SK will
be happy with that until it's time to go home. Then he will try to
"bargain" "If I take this, I'll look after it and bring it back" and
he will be told no, and then he'll cry. One reason why I didn't want
it to be this way. But it's happened before - Nanna bought him some
Pokemon videos on the condition they stayed at her house, and of
course, they're now at BM's, and we haven't seen them since the
weekend she bought them.
Mel
>Dana
lilblakdog
news:s4tf2jd...@corp.supernews.com...
> But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact
that
> his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These
poor
> children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
> toy here and there?
I don't know about your case, but my stepson has *lots* of toys at his
mother's. Some of them doubles of things we've bought him. If we sent "a
toy here and there" over there, he'd have nothing to play with when he came
to visit us.
I hardly call it suffering to have to do without a certain toy for the
length of a stay with the other parent. And giving into that with the
excuse that he's suffered enough is just spoiling them.
Melissa Torresan
<rob...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>Everything I buy SD stays here. She doesn't take any of it to BM's
>house. Sometimes she'll ask to take one special thing, and I've
>usually allowed it if the item wasn't too expensive or "garage
>sale-able." But frankly, it's usually a while before I let stuff
>out of the house. And I just tell her, "Let me see you being responsible
>with it around here, and then you can take it to Mommy's." She's old
>enough to understand that if I spend a lot of money on something I'm
>reluctant to let it out of my sight if she's going to lose it. She just
>took her CD player and CD's to BM's recently, and brought them all back
>in good condition. So I'll probably allow her to take the GameBoy after
>two or three weekends.
I *hope* he gets a gameboy at BM's too.. because then it won't be an
issue.. but it's unlikely, seeing she's spent most of her money on
those $80 Nikes - FIVE pairs this year.. and probably a sixth this
weekend.. Can you *imagine*?????? Would you ever be so insane?
>Anne
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>I agree with keeping stuff at each house. That's what we do. Skis spend
>every other weekend with BM, they always return in the clothes they left
>in. BM has clothes and toys there for them, and we have stuff here. We do
>not allow Dad things to go to mom's and vice versa.
>
>SKs also get two santa visits, if things are doubled, we explain that
>Santa knows they have two homes, and left the same gifts because he knew
>how much they wanted that gift.
That's a great explanation.. we'll use that! :)
Mel
>works for now :)
>
>Rhainnon
---------------------------------------------------
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>It's not as bad as you think, Mel. One year, we bought SD an elaborate
>Barbie Dream House. When we told biomom, she thought it was such a great
>idea, she went out and bought one too! Again, we had SD first shift (end
>of school to 13h Christmas day) so she got ours first, and we didn't care
>that biomom had duplicated the gift. *And* it probably made things easier
>at biomom's, because SD didn't pine for the house for the rest of the
>holidays (which is the only real bummer to our switching schedule; you
>open all these cool gifts, and then have to pack up for a trip back to the
>other parent! Biomom's got first shift this year, and SD says they get to
>open all their presents the morning of Christmas eve, so she gets to play
>with them for at least a day!) The explanation could simply be given that
>'Santa wanted you to have it wherever you were' for duplicates. Of
>course, telling biomom what to say would likely go over like a lead brick
>in most cases, but that's what *I* would say if *I* were on second shift
>with duplicates! :)
ROFL :) If I told her what to say, she'd say the exact opposite.. or
take all the duplicates back to the store..
>BM, on the other hand, lets SD bring things from her house here, and I
>wish she wouldn't. First, because I *do* feel responsible for getting
>them back to her house (just because that's how I would like to be
>treated!) and second because it underscores to BD that SD gets _way_ more
>presents than she does, and I just don't like the message that sends.
I agree with the feeling responsible thing.. I can't wait till SK gets
all the clothes for Xmas, and we can tell BM to shove hers.. she
doesn't even bother to wash them before sending them here anymore.
What's more, she bought SK all these jeans that are way too big, and
they have to be held up with belts. SK told us he hates wearing those
jeans because he hates undoing the belt to go loo.
>Don't know if this helps you at all, Mel, but I can see you have loads of
>other responses, and now I'm off to read them! :)
Surely it does :) Thanks!
Mel
>Sian
Anne Robotti
Until you start adding it all up and realize that in addition to child
support you've bought two full wardrobes *plus* what you have to keep
replacing because it goes to BMs and never comes back. Same with toys.
I have other children to consider, and it's not fair to SD either if
she comes here and they have toys and she doesn't. "Making the child
responsible for it" doesn't do any good if BM ruins it in the laundry
on purpose, or hides it, or sells it. The child coulnd't bring it back
to the NCP's house if they wanted to.
Anne
Daisy wrote:
>
> But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact that
> his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These poor
> children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
> toy here and there?
>
> Daisy
>
> "TYounger" <bo...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> news:MPG.12b875d02...@news.mindspring.com...
> >
> > *Nothing* from this house, except maybe a McD's toy, goes to bio-mom's.
> > Sometimes she'll send Tristan here with stuff, but she only does it
> > because she always gets it back. In our experience, we had problems with
> > stuff being kept, ruined, or given back only when it was too
> > small/ruined/worn out/broken/what have you.
> >
> > Tamara
> >
> > > Melissa Torresan said...
> > > Hey..
> > >
> > > Its about Xmas.. SO and I have got all the presents already. SK is
> > > getting a furby, a Pokemon gameboy with the red and yellow Pokemon
> > > games and a power adaptor, a magic sand kit, and there's a walkie
> > > talkie set being given to him and the nephew - one headset each. Some
> > > clothes..
> > >
> > > The thing is, we've got SK for xmas, and we have no clue what BM is
> > > getting him, so there's probably going to be double ups. Which makes
> > > Santa look pretty stupid, huh? But she refuses to cooperate.
> > >
> > > SO says that does not matter, because all the presents he gets from us
> > > are staying right here in this house. I can understand the logic -
> > > anything that goes to BM's gets broken, but I think SK is going to be
> > > pretty upset by it.. especially if he does NOT get the gameboy at
> > > BM's, and we're going away right after Xmas, so he misses a weekend
> > > with us.
> > >
> > > Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
> > >
> > > Mel
Anne Robotti
bought SD school shoes. This year, her sneakers were so ratty that
she asked me to buy her a new pair. Every time she comes here she's
in those ratty old ones, and freely admits that she's still wearing
them to school so she doesn't mess up the nice ones I bought her.
She's been here five straight weekends in a coat that was from 3 years
ago, miles too small. I went and bought her one. Poor mommy didn't
have the money. Don't take me there. She comes AGAIN in a ratty old
one and says she didn't want to mess up her new one. Next time she
asks me for anything to go to BMs' house, I'm telling her no. Not
because I want to be mean, but it's a real waste of my money.
Anne
lilblakdog wrote:
>
> Melissa Torresan <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
> news:384ea0fa...@news.bigpond.com...
>
> > Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
>
> Definitely. BM sometimes sends one or two of his gifts over with him, with
> the understanding that they be returned when he goes home. However,
> anything we've ever sent over there--coats, boots, toys, scarves, hats,
> mitts--is never seen or heard from again. Particularly the boots--we buy
> him a pair every winter and the next time he comes he's wearing sneakers
> again and we have to buy a new pair.
>
> Don't worry about stepson being upset. He'd just be upset all over again
> when it never made it back to your house!
>
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>Melissa Torresan <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
>news:384ea0fa...@news.bigpond.com...
>
>> Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
>
>Definitely. BM sometimes sends one or two of his gifts over with him, with
>the understanding that they be returned when he goes home. However,
>anything we've ever sent over there--coats, boots, toys, scarves, hats,
>mitts--is never seen or heard from again. Particularly the boots--we buy
>him a pair every winter and the next time he comes he's wearing sneakers
>again and we have to buy a new pair.
I don't know about you, but I'm starting to be of the opinion that my
ex-husband was right when he said "Sneakers rot your feet" after
seeing all the problems SK is having with his feet. :)
>Don't worry about stepson being upset. He'd just be upset all over again
>when it never made it back to your house!
Well, maybe he would.. but then again, we've got so much great stuff
here because SO is really a big kid himself, he's got plenty to keep
him occupied. BM's has no playstation, we bought him a computer but
she hardly ever lets him use it.. etc.. and so on.. ad infinitum..
Mel
>lil
>--
>Who is at fault when a monster is a monster? Is it the monster? Or the
>person who created it to be a monster?
>
>
---------------------------------------------------
Sharyn & Karl
while they are here. We have sent things home for them to bring back the
next time they are with us, and we never recieve it back. Besides I spend
alot of money on their Christmas.Example the kids Christmas list included a
tv/vcr and a new stereo. They both got tv/vcr combos and a new stereos for
thier rooms. It *will* not leave *this* house to go to BM's. PERIOD.
Sharyn
Melissa Torresan <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
news:384ea0fa...@news.bigpond.com...
> Hey..
>
> Its about Xmas.. SO and I have got all the presents already. SK is
> getting a furby, a Pokemon gameboy with the red and yellow Pokemon
> games and a power adaptor, a magic sand kit, and there's a walkie
> talkie set being given to him and the nephew - one headset each. Some
> clothes..
>
> The thing is, we've got SK for xmas, and we have no clue what BM is
> getting him, so there's probably going to be double ups. Which makes
> Santa look pretty stupid, huh? But she refuses to cooperate.
>
> SO says that does not matter, because all the presents he gets from us
> are staying right here in this house. I can understand the logic -
> anything that goes to BM's gets broken, but I think SK is going to be
> pretty upset by it.. especially if he does NOT get the gameboy at
> BM's, and we're going away right after Xmas, so he misses a weekend
> with us.
>
> Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
>
> Mel
Sharyn & Karl
stuff from going back they would have nothing here. She gets CS, well the
state gets her CS because she is on welfare let her buy them stuff for
there. I can't see them not having anything here because she refuses to
remind them to bring it back. For us this is a mute point this Xmas, they
both got *big* gifts that won't leave here period. She would only sell it
anyway, she has told us so. When I offered my old computer to her when I got
my new one so the kids could email their Dad. So nope nothing leaves this
house.
Sharyn
Daisy <da...@par1.net> wrote in message
news:s4tf2jd...@corp.supernews.com...
> But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact
that
> his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These
poor
> children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
> toy here and there?
>
> Daisy
>
> "TYounger" <bo...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> news:MPG.12b875d02...@news.mindspring.com...
> >
> > *Nothing* from this house, except maybe a McD's toy, goes to bio-mom's.
> > Sometimes she'll send Tristan here with stuff, but she only does it
> > because she always gets it back. In our experience, we had problems
with
> > stuff being kept, ruined, or given back only when it was too
> > small/ruined/worn out/broken/what have you.
> >
> > Tamara
> >
> > > Melissa Torresan said...
Sharyn & Karl
Sharyn
Vicki Robinson <vic...@panix.com> wrote in message
news:82mehe$8up$1...@panix2.panix.com...
> In a previous article, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> said:
>
> >It's a tough call, I understand how you would feel, but think how that
child
> >must feel. They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
> >few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with
the
> >child. Just my two cents worth.
> >
>
TYounger
A toy here and there adds up to a lot of money, and if you're never
getting them back, you keep buying replacements... same with clothes. We
pay bio-mom *more* CS than was court ordered so Tristan has much better
than adequate surroundings. There is no reason, with the CS we pay, that
we should also supply clothes and toys for his mother to keep and never
return.
On another note, we have decided when Tristan is old enough to be
responsible for his own things, then they can go with him. I'm thinking
12 or 13 years old at this point... he's only 3 now.
FWIW, Tristan hasn't given up either of his parents. Both of his parents
love him dearly, and his step parents, me and his step-dad, are equally
as loving. If anything, he has bonus parents. He takes quite a thrill
in having twice as much love and family as other kids he knows.
We also don't believe (me and SO or his bio-mom and step-dad) that there
is *any* material way to make up for any kind of emotional gap, which, as
I already said he doesn't seem to have. I don't think teaching kids that
money is essential and an end all to problems is a very productive way in
life.
Tamara
> Daisy said...
Melissa J. Ryan
things they wanted to each house. Our reasoning was that since it was their
stuff then they should get a choice of what went where. When I was a kid it
worked the same way. If I took something to my father's and forgot it there or
it was broken, oh well it was my responsibility.
But then in our situation both BM's felt the same way and stuff we bought was
no different then stuff they bought.
Love,
Melissa
ICQ# 30417882
It's not talk of God or the decade ahead that allows you to get through the
worst.
It's "I do" and "you do" and "nobody said that" and "Who brought the subject up
first?"
-Stephen Sondheim
lilblakdog
news:u0DF8gcQ$GA.267@cpmsnbbsa04...
> She would only sell it
> anyway, she has told us so. When I offered my old computer to her when I
got
> my new one so the kids could email their Dad.
This has been a bone of contention for me lately.
A couple of years ago, biomom's dad gave her his old 386 computer. The
problem was that it had no modem.
So I took one of my own modems (I used to work for a computer consultant and
I have a lot of parts lying around), ferried over to the Island, installed
the modem and installed Windows 95 so that it would run better. DH and I
used the word "loan", saying that it would help until they could afford one
of their own. I set up e-mail for biomom, as well as stepson, and showed
them how to operate it.
Biomom used the e-mail a lot. We never got *anything* from stepson. And
she never helped him check the things we sent him.
When we were over there at Halloween, I noticed that they had a brand new
computer. As near as I can tell, my modem went with the other--wherever
that was.
So much for good deeds.
Daisy
must be one heck of a parent huh? You have my sympathy...it's very sad
indeed!
Daisy
"Melissa Torresan" <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
news:384eb52a...@news.bigpond.com...
> On Wed, 8 Dec 1999 14:13:02 -0600, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> wrote:
> >It's a tough call, I understand how you would feel, but think how that
child
> >must feel. They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
> >few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with
the
> >child. Just my two cents worth.
>
> I would agree - EXCEPT.. BM has deliberately broken toys that SO has
> given to SK before. She got caught out once, we were at pickup, and SK
> wanted to bring a toy here for the weekend, and SO was in his room
> while he was looking for this toy, and came across one that he'd
> bought for SK's bday. He asked about it, and SK said "Oh, Mum broke
> that one.." She didn't even try to deny it..
>
> You're right, they are given to him and not his mother. Up until this
> Xmas, all the good toys went to BM's, and as a result he has nothing
> good here to play with. We bought him Pokemon video's, and they are
> now at BM's. They never seem to make it back here, even though SK
> tells us he wanted to bring them. SO gave SK a computer, and BM uses
> it for her study stuff, and SK gets to play on it occasionally. SO
> wanted to bring it home last weekend as we had some new games for SK
> to put on it, and BM refused, saying she needed it. It's not FOR her.
> It's a lucky thing I don't go to pickups anymore, because I would have
> marched in there, and taken it. I wish we could password protect the
> thing so she can't use it, but that would put pressure on SK, because
> he would know the password, and she would punish him till she got it.
>
> So, they are given to him and not to her, but from past experience,
> she uses them anyway. We didn't buy those presents for BM, and by
> keeping them here, she can't use them..
>
> Mel
>
> PS. That computer is coming home this weekend, or else SO is in the
> doghouse.
Daisy
these are their children and not do stuff just for spite. You have my
sympathy!
Daisy
"Vicki Robinson" <vic...@panix.com> wrote in message
news:82mehe$8up$1...@panix2.panix.com...
> In a previous article, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> said:
>
> >It's a tough call, I understand how you would feel, but think how that
child
> >must feel. They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
> >few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with
the
> >child. Just my two cents worth.
> >
>
Daisy
like craft paints, heheh she really would love dealing with stuff like that
wouldn't she? :)
Daisy
I'm seeing this from different points of view, you see I am not a step
mother, but my son has acquired a new step mom. My son died two years ago
and my ex left me and my surviving son two months later.
"Melissa Torresan" <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
news:384ebc1c...@news.bigpond.com...
> On Wed, 8 Dec 1999 14:14:13 -0600, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> wrote:
> >But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact
that
> >his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These
poor
> >children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
> >toy here and there?
>
> Daisy, there is nothing that I would not do to make sure SK suffers.
> I've tried pretty hard to get along with this woman, and nothing I do
> is good enough.
> I *know* it is hard on SK.
> I *know* that when she was yelling at me over the phone with SK in
> earshot he was really hurt by that.
> I *know* that he thought I would leave because of how nasty she was to
> me.
> I *know* that he's had several urinary tract infections because she
> refuses to cooperate "I dont have a penis, how would I know how to
> look after one?"
> I *know* that he has a toenail falling off right now because *I* was
> the one to point it out, and she was angry about that.
> Yes, he is suffering. I'm doing everything I can to stop that, by not
> being involved in any way with his mother anymore. But there is no way
> in hell I am sending over $500 worth of presents to her house to be
> broken by her just because she can't stand the fact that I exist.
>
> I've really just answered my own question here, haven't I?
>
> Mel
>
> >Daisy
>
Daisy
I'm glad I have you guys to help me see it differently!
Daisy
"Sian Lee Reid" <slr...@alfred.carleton.ca> wrote in message
news:slreid-0812...@192.0.2.1...
> In article <s4tf2jd...@corp.supernews.com>, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net>
wrote:
>
> > But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact
that
> > his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These
poor
> > children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is
a
> > toy here and there?
> >
Daisy
light, I had no idea how hard you guys had it!! Thanks for setting me
straight!
Daisy
"lilblakdog" <lbdcre...@dog.com> wrote in message
news:aTz34.211$uj2....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca...
> Daisy <da...@par1.net> wrote in message
> news:s4tf2jd...@corp.supernews.com...
>
> > But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact
> that
> > his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These
> poor
> > children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is
a
> > toy here and there?
>
> I don't know about your case, but my stepson has *lots* of toys at his
> mother's. Some of them doubles of things we've bought him. If we sent "a
> toy here and there" over there, he'd have nothing to play with when he
came
> to visit us.
>
> I hardly call it suffering to have to do without a certain toy for the
> length of a stay with the other parent. And giving into that with the
> excuse that he's suffered enough is just spoiling them.
>
Melissa Torresan
>Why buy such expensive gifts? Why not (and this is just an idea) buy stuff
>like craft paints, heheh she really would love dealing with stuff like that
>wouldn't she? :)
Well, these are the things that SK asked for. If he'd only asked for
them last week, we'd not have bought them. But these are things he has
been consistently been asking for for at least 6 months. He was asking
for them back when BM and I were speaking to each other, and we even
talked about going halves in them. We're not trying to buy him, or
anything like that.. we just want to have a good Xmas seeing it will
be Nanna's last one. It'll also be the first time SO has ever had him
for Xmas.
Once he has the gameboy, we don't have to shell out for another one
and can just buy games for it, so next year will be cheaper. Craft
paints would go straight into BM's bin, unfortunately. :(
I'm sorry if I sounded angry when I replied to your post. I wasn't mad
at you.. I'm mad at BM, and what you said made me remember all the
*reasons* I am mad at her. Yes, the interests of the child should be
put first. That's all I want to do. She seems to be more interested in
other things, for whatever reasons. I still to this day cannot work
out why she feels the way she does - she was the one that walked out
on SO.
Sounds to me like I'd be much better off with YOU for a BM :)
>Daisy
>I'm seeing this from different points of view, you see I am not a step
>mother, but my son has acquired a new step mom. My son died two years ago
>and my ex left me and my surviving son two months later.
I'm sad to hear that :( How are you coping?
Welcome to ASSP, unless of course you've been here for a while and
I've not seen you before, which would actually mean the same thing, I
think.. :)
Mel
Daisy
It can't be an easy job. When my son died and my ex and I divorced my only
surviving son was 14, a very impressionable age yet he was able to choose
who he wanted to live with. His new step mom, I can't say that I dislike
the woman, she steals from my sons grave, I don't know why, I leave poetry
out there for him and I have caught her taking it, maybe she thinks I'm
writing about her I don't know, but it's the furthest thing from my mind.
Still I'm glad that my ex found someone to help him through the pain and
suffering of losing our son, when he died I went into my own little world
and did not help him at all with his pain. You sound like a very good step
mom.
Daisy
"Melissa Torresan" <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
news:384ed7e3...@news.bigpond.com...
Anne Robotti
face something like that.
If you and your ex are fine with stuff going back and forth, that's
great. I'm a big believer in whatever works for each family. But here,
some of the gifts we buy are expensive, because some of the things
SD *wants* are expensive. A GameBoy Color is $59, for example. I guess
I could just be the bigger person and let it go to BMs to get broken
or sold, but I'm not going to do it. And I'm not going to stop buying
SD things she wants. I'm going to do what *I* want, and then keep the
things I care about in my circle of control. I wouldn't let toys or
clothes go to anyone else's house where they were never returned, why
treat BM any differently?!
Anne
Daisy wrote:
>
> Why buy such expensive gifts? Why not (and this is just an idea) buy stuff
> like craft paints, heheh she really would love dealing with stuff like that
> wouldn't she? :)
>
> Daisy
> I'm seeing this from different points of view, you see I am not a step
> mother, but my son has acquired a new step mom. My son died two years ago
> and my ex left me and my surviving son two months later.
> "Melissa Torresan" <sm...@crosswinds.net> wrote in message
> news:384ebc1c...@news.bigpond.com...
> > On Wed, 8 Dec 1999 14:14:13 -0600, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> wrote:
> > >But it's not the childs fault and he is the one suffering from the fact
> that
> > >his biological mom isn't willing to cooperate. It's not right. These
> poor
> > >children have suffered enough by giving up one or both parents, what is a
> > >toy here and there?
> >
> > Daisy, there is nothing that I would not do to make sure SK suffers.
> > I've tried pretty hard to get along with this woman, and nothing I do
> > is good enough.
> > I *know* it is hard on SK.
> > I *know* that when she was yelling at me over the phone with SK in
> > earshot he was really hurt by that.
> > I *know* that he thought I would leave because of how nasty she was to
> > me.
> > I *know* that he's had several urinary tract infections because she
> > refuses to cooperate "I dont have a penis, how would I know how to
> > look after one?"
> > I *know* that he has a toenail falling off right now because *I* was
> > the one to point it out, and she was angry about that.
> > Yes, he is suffering. I'm doing everything I can to stop that, by not
> > being involved in any way with his mother anymore. But there is no way
> > in hell I am sending over $500 worth of presents to her house to be
> > broken by her just because she can't stand the fact that I exist.
> >
> > I've really just answered my own question here, haven't I?
> >
> > Mel
> >
> > >Daisy
> >
lilblakdog
>Calm down sweetheart!! I've already said I'm looking at this in a
different
>light, I had no idea how hard you guys had it!! Thanks for setting me
>straight!
Sorry, Daisy, I didn't mean to come off on the defensive. I'm kind of a
direct talker sometimes and people who don't know me tend to think I'm
angry.
I used to have a tag that said, "I'm calm; I'm just opinionated." Perhaps I
should start using it again! :-)
lil
---
"Who is at fault when a monster is a monster? Is it the monster's? Or the
Melissa Torresan
<rob...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>Daisy, my sympathies on the death of your son. I hope I never have to
>face something like that.
>
>If you and your ex are fine with stuff going back and forth, that's
>great. I'm a big believer in whatever works for each family. But here,
>some of the gifts we buy are expensive, because some of the things
>SD *wants* are expensive. A GameBoy Color is $59, for example.
Sheesh! Here they are $120aus. Plus the games. Plus the colour
adaptor.
> I guess I could just be the bigger person and let it go to BMs to get broken
>or sold, but I'm not going to do it. And I'm not going to stop buying
>SD things she wants. I'm going to do what *I* want, and then keep the
>things I care about in my circle of control. I wouldn't let toys or
>clothes go to anyone else's house where they were never returned, why
>treat BM any differently?!
Hehe.. you've got yourself a circle now! You know, there's some real
*junk* on the outside of my circle. Obvious stuff, too - like I can't
control the weather or the price of petrol.
I'm going to do what I want, too. Tomorrow night, when SO goes off for
pickup, I'm going to *laze* about and watch Jerry Springer. If I don't
feel like lazing, I'll paint, and watch Jerry Springer. Those two
hours have become MY time now, and I use them. When SK gets here, I'll
treat him as well as I always do, and when he goes home, I'm not going
to worry about how she looks after him. Why? It's outside my circle.
Nothing I can do about that.
Whats all this about Jerry Springer? It's only on Cable over here, and
although it is very sad that these people hit each other, its
hilarious at the same time.. Feel free to say whatever you like, but
what I watch is inside my circle!
Mel
>Anne
Geri and Brian
her house.
Geri
~~~~~~~~~~
"Cats don't have nine lives, just two - theirs, then yours."
~~~~~~~~~~
To e-mail us, dump the litterbox. :-)
Geri and Brian
>few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with the
>child. Just my two cents worth.
When my husband moved out, BM refused to let him take ANY of SD's things, even
though he paid for the majority of SD's possessions. We have 50/50 custody
right now. We bought SD all new clothes and toys, because thanks to BM she
didn't have any with us. So there is no way in the world SD's things at our
house will go over there.
Geri and Brian
You must be be relatively new here. You have no idea what sort of BM's some of
us have to deal with.
Kallynn1
We have the same rule but it is for different reasons......Before we had this
arrangement bm used to send back only half of the clothes we sent usually
keeping their good school clothes so I retaliated by sending ratty clothes (yes
I actually did this). Well bm got tired of kids looking like ragmuffins so she
started to buy them clothes to keep there. Now everything she buys stays
there. That is fine with me, I don't personally want the responsibility of
looking after things for two weeks until the next visit to make sure it makes
it back to bm's house as it arrived. The biggest reason I don't want their
stuff coming here is because I have two bio children. I don't think it would
be fair to have the kids bringing home all their b'day presents, christmas
presents, etc., because then my bio kids would feel cheated. This way bm
maintains a household with the kids stuff there and they know where everything
is at and it has a homey atmosphere when they go there instead of having to
pack up stuff to visit for the weekend. I think it makes them feel in the long
run more secure like that is their home also instead of a place they have to
pack up and make their home when they go. I truthfully don't think that the
kids suffer when this happens if it is made the norm to them. If the adults
make a big deal out of it then the kids will too. I respect bm for maintaining
toys, clothes, bedrooms, etc at her house for the kids. I think that it shows
the kids that they are a part of her life and have a place within her
household, instead of her depending on me to take care of all of the stuff and
figure out what to send everyother weekend. Sure there have been times when
sk's have wanted to bring stuff home and she has said no and they have argued
that it is their stuff, and I have just explained to them that if they were to
go spend the night at their friends house and wanted to take their cd player
and I said no, does that mean it isn't yours? huh and then they understand a
little bit better. The only exception to this rule would be if bm didn't have
enough clothing or toys or whatever for kids then I would of course allow
whatever to go, but outside of that, we maintain seperate households and I like
it that way.
Kallynn
Anne Robotti
should have half the pictures of SD that were taken before her parents
split up. We have three pictures, and those we only have because they
were taken at Chuck's mother's!
SD's memory book starts when she met me, when she was four!
Anne
Geri and Brian wrote:
>
> > They were given to "him" not his mother. I can see keeping a
> >few things there now and then but christmas presents deserve to go with the
> >child. Just my two cents worth.
>
> When my husband moved out, BM refused to let him take ANY of SD's things, even
> though he paid for the majority of SD's possessions. We have 50/50 custody
> right now. We bought SD all new clothes and toys, because thanks to BM she
> didn't have any with us. So there is no way in the world SD's things at our
> house will go over there.
>
Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin}
Torresan) wrote:
>Anyone else do this at all? Do your presents stay at your house?
>
Yes. Everything that has gone to BM's house has never come home.
Nicole
I have gone looking for myself. If I return before I come back, please let me know I'm looking for myself.
My homepage: http://www.fastbytes.com/users/cinirb/
Daisy
Daisy
"lilblakdog" <lbdcre...@dog.com> wrote in message
news:mOG34.1136$uj2....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca...
Daisy
new stepmom. I have the utmost respect for all that you guys do.
Daisy
"Geri and Brian" <gple...@aol.comlitter> wrote in message
news:19991209002645...@ng-cs1.aol.com...
> >How sad that a mother would break her own childs toys and belongings.
>
> You must be be relatively new here. You have no idea what sort of BM's
some of
> us have to deal with.
>
Geri and Brian
>were taken at Chuck's mother's!
We are in the same boat.
Sian Lee Reid
kall...@aol.com (Kallynn1) wrote:
> >Nothing we get or give the kids leave this house.
>
> We have the same rule but it is for different reasons......Before we had this
> arrangement bm used to send back only half of the clothes we sent usually
> keeping their good school clothes so I retaliated by sending ratty
clothes (yes
> I actually did this). Well bm got tired of kids looking like ragmuffins
so she
> started to buy them clothes to keep there. Now everything she buys stays
> there. That is fine with me, I don't personally want the responsibility of
> looking after things for two weeks until the next visit to make sure it makes
> it back to bm's house as it arrived. The biggest reason I don't want their
> stuff coming here is because I have two bio children. I don't think it would
> be fair to have the kids bringing home all their b'day presents, christmas
> presents, etc., because then my bio kids would feel cheated.
That's part of my issue too, Kallynn. The other part about BM's stuff
coming over is that my BD is still little. It's getting easier now that
she's four and goes to school full days, but she used to take it *really*
badly when a toy came into the house and then went away again. The novel
things, the things she hadn't seen before were ALWAYS what she wanted to
have, and SD, to her credit, is very, very good at sharing with her little
sister. But it was just more than I was willing to put up with, having to
pry a toy out of the hands of a screaming toddler so that it could return
to BMs with SD. SD is 10 now, and she understands why it is difficult
too, so things she *really* doesn't want to share now stay at her Mom's.
Also fortunately, BM is less picky about absolutely EVERYTHING coming
back, so when SD brings a garbage bag full of stuffed animals over (which
is almost every week!) it isn't a big deal to her if a couple of beanie
babies get missed in the packing!
Still, I'd rather stuff just stayed put!
Sian
Sian Lee Reid
> I am new here, I am not a stepmom but my 16 year old son recently adopted a
> new stepmom. I have the utmost respect for all that you guys do.
>
> Daisy
>
A special 'welcome aboard' then Daisy! People learning how to support
step parents are always appreciated! You'll find that most of us are step
parents, some are bioparents as well, and we have a smattering of others
too.
Let's see... there's Kevin (wave, Kevin!) who's a biodad, Marna who's a
'recovering stepchild', Yvette who recently earned 'stepmom emeritus'
status, lil who's approaching 'divorced former stepmom'... and I know I've
missed a couple other people with really unique situations, but you'll
sort them out as you read.
Our only real criteria is that you try to be supportive and openminded,
and you seem to have that one down already!
Sian
Daisy
together for the best of the child....they are the ones that count right??
Glad to be a part of the group!! :)
Daisy
"Sian Lee Reid" <slr...@alfred.carleton.ca> wrote in message
news:slreid-0912...@192.0.2.1...
Anne Robotti
Mugs that his grandfather had and mementoes from when he was the first
Exalted Ruler of the Elks, letters and pictures were destroyed, some
things got "broken" as the cops were asking BM politely to please stop
doing this if she wouldn't mind. I was the only person in America who
didn't think that scene in "Waiting To Exhale" where the woman sells
the guy's antique car for a dollar was funny. It's not so funny when
it's happened to you.
Anne
Denise wrote:
>
> And so are we, only our BM went one step further....she destroyed DH's
> college diploma and a scrapbook made by DH's father. The diploma can be
> easily replaced but the scrapbook was filled with pictures and newspaper
> clippings of my husband and his two siblings, they were all very involved
> with sports while growing up. It's gone...nice huh?
>
> Denise
>
Kevin
> In article <s4vhdc...@corp.supernews.com>, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> wrote:
>
> > I am new here, I am not a stepmom but my 16 year old son recently adopted a
> > new stepmom. I have the utmost respect for all that you guys do.
> >
> > Daisy
> >
> A special 'welcome aboard' then Daisy! People learning how to support
> step parents are always appreciated! You'll find that most of us are step
> parents, some are bioparents as well, and we have a smattering of others
> too.
>
> Let's see... there's Kevin (wave, Kevin!)
<*waving*> Hi Sian! Hi Daisy! Welcome to the wonderful world of AssP!
*s*
<Just a personal note, Daisy - this group is worth sticking to...>
Kevin
who's a biodad, Marna who's a
> 'recovering stepchild', Yvette who recently earned 'stepmom emeritus'
> status, lil who's approaching 'divorced former stepmom'... and I know I've
> missed a couple other people with really unique situations, but you'll
> sort them out as you read.
>
> Our only real criteria is that you try to be supportive and openminded,
> and you seem to have that one down already!
>
> Sian
>
--
Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.
jane lawrence
>
>
> I *hope* he gets a gameboy at BM's too.. because then it won't be an
> issue.. but it's unlikely, seeing she's spent most of her money on
> those $80 Nikes - FIVE pairs this year.. and probably a sixth this
> weekend.. Can you *imagine*?????? Would you ever be so insane?
Mel,
You're going to have to let those Nike's go. They are
definitely outside the circle.
My ex used to keep stuff for my BD there. I think it was the
more expensive stuff. I never minded, because I certainly
wasn't going to keep track of it here. The last thing I needed
was to keep track of a gameboy or make sure she didn't break a
CD player. What we give my SKs belongs to them. They bring it
or leave it as they choose.
jane
Mel
these kids dress like this at their mom's???
we have had to let them wear my kids clothes so that they have something
decent to wear when we go places. we to are getting them clothes which
will stay here we even had to buy them winter coats to keep here because
she sends them here in little small jackets that arent anything.all
they toys they get to will stay here after christmas but the reason for
that is when they divorced she took everything but the broken ones so
when we cleaned things up we had nothing left .i dont understand it i
would always want my kids to go to their dads with clean clothes and
nice as possible clothes and if they wanted a special toy then tke it i
really dont understand who these people think they are hurting i wish
they would realize it isnt the other parent getting hurt it is the kids
getting hurt.
also Mel
Kix42
DH that are TO him but really are for him to play with with SD when she is
here. We have built up a decent selection of toys etc., BM is one who
periodicly sweeps through SD's things and throws a bunch of them out. SD at
eight still seems merely puzzled by this. :)
Jennaii
her a 13" tv/vcr combo last year.
In August BM left her new husband and moved 1000 miles closer to us and left
BOTH presents behind. This year we are getting her a Color Gameboy ($79.99
here). Any bets on how long SD will have it? SD is only here 1 weekend a
month (she lives 2 hours away).... we'll probbly let her take it home.
>For us this is a mute point this Xmas, they
>both got *big* gifts that won't leave here period. She would only sell it
>anyway, she has told us so. When I offered my old computer to her when I got
>my new one so the kids could email their Dad.
"This time: gonna do it RIGHT!" -- Bob Seger
Jennaii
Geri and Brian
>things got "broken" as the cops were asking BM politely to please stop
>doing this if she wouldn't mind.
My husband had to have the police present when he moved out too, to keep BM and
her teenage son from harassing him. One of the reasons he left so much stuff
behind was that he was in such a hurry to get out of there. (BM also kept the
savings bonds my husband's mother gave SD.)
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>Melissa Torresan wrote:
>> I *hope* he gets a gameboy at BM's too.. because then it won't be an
>> issue.. but it's unlikely, seeing she's spent most of her money on
>> those $80 Nikes - FIVE pairs this year.. and probably a sixth this
>> weekend.. Can you *imagine*?????? Would you ever be so insane?
>
>Mel,
>
>You're going to have to let those Nike's go. They are
>definitely outside the circle.
Yeah, I know.. SO has gone to pick up SK, and I am dreading seeing his
feet.. maybe I should make him wear socks to bed and then I might not
have to see them.. I do have one problem with this being outside the
circle though, because there is no reason I can't go to the chemist
and buy the anti-fungal stuff for SK's feet and we can use it here
only. SO says no.. it probably wouldn't have much effect being used
for only two days out of two weeks anyway, but at least I would *feel*
better.
>My ex used to keep stuff for my BD there. I think it was the
>more expensive stuff. I never minded, because I certainly
>wasn't going to keep track of it here. The last thing I needed
>was to keep track of a gameboy or make sure she didn't break a
>CD player. What we give my SKs belongs to them. They bring it
>or leave it as they choose.
How old are they again, Jane?
Mel
PS When you gonna send me your text file thingy so I can just look it
up instead of asking? :):)
>jane
Melissa Torresan
>OUR BM pawned the boom-box we bought SD 2 years ago. We unpawned it. We got
>her a 13" tv/vcr combo last year.
>In August BM left her new husband and moved 1000 miles closer to us and left
>BOTH presents behind. This year we are getting her a Color Gameboy ($79.99
>here). Any bets on how long SD will have it? SD is only here 1 weekend a
>month (she lives 2 hours away).... we'll probbly let her take it home.
Jennaii - say no to her taking it home. Just my opinion..
Mel
>>For us this is a mute point this Xmas, they
>>both got *big* gifts that won't leave here period. She would only sell it
>>anyway, she has told us so. When I offered my old computer to her when I got
>>my new one so the kids could email their Dad.
>
>
>"This time: gonna do it RIGHT!" -- Bob Seger
>Jennaii
---------------------------------------------------
Someone
anythign step.
Local friends of our wanted to start a business from their home, and turned
to SO and I for help. SO thought of a very neat name for the business, a
friend of mine did the logo, and I taught them the computer-related stuff.
Well, they had internet service but their modem wouldn't connect. I took
it apart, took out the piece of crap one that was in it, and put in a nice
US Robotics one I had had from my old 386 (bought the modem separately). I
figured if it worked with the USR, then it was a modem problem. Well, it
did work. And they still had this upgrade certificate for their computer
to get a 56K modem. I told them they could use mine until they got their
upgrade in the mail, at which time I'd install the new one for them and
take back the old one.
Now it's over a year later. They have a new computer, and who knows what
happened to the old one. They will not speak to us. If we call, we get
chewed out and hung up on. Once I stopped by to drop something off (before
the falling out) and I was physically pushed from the doorstep and told to
leave or they'd call the police. These people are truly psychotic. And
more than a few people in the community have taken to avoiding them
completely because of their erratic behaviour.
Anyways lil, I know the feeling, but I think I'd be doubly pissed if it was
an issue I had with BM!
lilblakdog <lbdcre...@dog.com> wrote in article
<08B34.374$uj2....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>...
: Sharyn & Karl <Kittens...@email.msn.com> wrote in message
: news:u0DF8gcQ$GA.267@cpmsnbbsa04...
:
: > She would only sell it
: > anyway, she has told us so. When I offered my old computer to her when
I
: got
: > my new one so the kids could email their Dad.
:
: This has been a bone of contention for me lately.
:
: A couple of years ago, biomom's dad gave her his old 386 computer. The
: problem was that it had no modem.
:
: So I took one of my own modems (I used to work for a computer consultant
and
: I have a lot of parts lying around), ferried over to the Island,
installed
: the modem and installed Windows 95 so that it would run better. DH and I
: used the word "loan", saying that it would help until they could afford
one
: of their own. I set up e-mail for biomom, as well as stepson, and showed
: them how to operate it.
:
: Biomom used the e-mail a lot. We never got *anything* from stepson. And
: she never helped him check the things we sent him.
:
: When we were over there at Halloween, I noticed that they had a brand new
: computer. As near as I can tell, my modem went with the other--wherever
: that was.
:
: So much for good deeds.
:
: lil
: --
: Who is at fault when a monster is a monster? Is it the monster? Or the
:
:
:
jane lawrence
> > How old are they again, Jane?
>
>
Teens.
jane
Melissa Torresan
wrote:
>Melissa Torresan wrote:
>
>> > How old are they again, Jane?
>>
>>
>Teens.
Thats part of our problem. SK is only 6, and he doesn't look after his
things like teens probably would - like he plays with them until he's
tired of them, and then leaves them somewhere (on the floor or other
stupid places) where they can get broken. I know, most teens don't
pick up their room, either, but when they know how much a gameboy or
cd player is worth, they do tend to take care of it that little bit
better.
When he's a teen, providing he can prove he is responsible, we'll
probably let him take things wherever he wants to..
Mel :)
>jane
Cindy Martin
>(I'm working up a whole 'dance of welcome' routine that will be really
>appropriate for and representative of ass-p, but I'm new here myself, so
>it's not done yet. I've only gotten as far as:
>
><wave> <step left> <wave> <step right> <wave> <tear hair> <wave> <kick>
><wave> <throw ice-cream> <wave> <run away...>
>
You forgot about the rice....You have to have rice in there somewhere.
Cindy
Sharyn & Karl
Jennaii <jen...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991209212530...@ng-cf1.aol.com...
> OUR BM pawned the boom-box we bought SD 2 years ago. We unpawned it. We
got
> her a 13" tv/vcr combo last year.
> In August BM left her new husband and moved 1000 miles closer to us and
left
> BOTH presents behind. This year we are getting her a Color Gameboy
($79.99
> here). Any bets on how long SD will have it? SD is only here 1 weekend a
> month (she lives 2 hours away).... we'll probbly let her take it home.
Jennaii:
The kids live 3.5 hours away. They are here one or two weekends a month and
whatever holidays we get until this custody battle is settled. They are here
for most of the summer. My feelings are they need nice things here too. I
know I came off sounding cruel in a message I sent earlier on this topic, I
didn't mean to. Its been a long trying year with this custody battle going
on that never wants to end, and I don't think it is ever going to. But *I*
get so tired of trying to work with this woman on things to make things
easier for the kids and she straight out refuses. Ex, the computer. I was
going to pay for the internet access and give them the computer, she said
she would sell it. Why should I send it down there then? They won't get to
use it and I would only end up totally pissed off. We have let them take
nice things home and never see it again. And I know to some of you this
sounds really petty. But I just get so tired of buying then having to
replace because she couldn't make sure it got sent back or at least worn to
where we could see it. Ex, I bought Trav a brand new pair of boots in Jan,
when she sent him over here in a pair of ratty tennis shoes in 6 inches of
snow. He wore them home because I threw the tennis shoes away. I have never
seen them since. He wore new shoes home when he went back for summer school
this summer, haven't seen them since. Maybe I look at things wrong. Maybe I
*am* wrong, but I am so tired of it.
Like I told the GAL last week when she called. I am tired of paying all
these high dollar atty fees and her getting hers paid by the state. I got
over $3000 worth of atty bills lying here on the desk now, that HAS to be
paid. The state is paying for hers. Somewhere along the lines, someone
besides me had to take an interest in these kids. Karl is off work waiting
on knee surgery. So I am trying to do it all by myself.
She won't even get off her hindend and get a job to support the kids. She
doesn't care about their educations. Last time she had to come get the kids,
she didn't even send them to school the next day. She claims the teachers
told her not to send them because they were to tired from the ride home.
Excuse me, let them sleep in the car like they do when they ride over here.
The GAL told her to get the kids to school that day. Every time she comes
and gets them they don't go to school the next day.
She didn't make sure Trav took his books to school and he wasn't prepared
for class. This wasn't a one time thing. The way the teacher was talking, it
happened on a regular basis.
Sorry this post got so long. I guess I was venting and got carried away.
Sharyn
marnaa...@my-deja.com
> In article <slreid-0912...@192.0.2.1>, Sian Lee Reid says...
> > In article <s4vhdc...@corp.supernews.com>, "Daisy" <da...@par1.net> wrote:
> >
> > > I am new here, I am not a stepmom but my 16 year old son recently > > > adopted a
> > > new stepmom.
I love this. What a great way to look at it.
> who's a biodad, Marna who's a 'recovering stepchild',
<wave> <dance of welcome> <wave>
(I'm working up a whole 'dance of welcome' routine that will be really
appropriate for and representative of ass-p, but I'm new here myself, so
it's not done yet. I've only gotten as far as:
<wave> <step left> <wave> <step right> <wave> <tear hair> <wave> <kick>
<wave> <throw ice-cream> <wave> <run away...>
Further choreographic suggestions welcome...)
So, given the diversity, should we be calling ourselves
"alt.support.step-people?" :-)
Anyway, welcome.
Marna
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
The Janitor
says...
> (I'm working up a whole 'dance of welcome' routine that will be really
> appropriate for and representative of ass-p, but I'm new here myself, so
> it's not done yet. I've only gotten as far as:
>
> <wave> <step left> <wave> <step right> <wave> <tear hair> <wave> <kick>
> <wave> <throw ice-cream> <wave> <run away...>
>
and clean up.
The Janitor
--
Daisy
Daisy
"The Janitor" <theja...@seeing.org> wrote in message
news:MPG.12bd9a47a...@news.cwcom.net...
Jennaii
here blah blah blah he refuses to even THINK about it. (So, once again, I
remember why I disengaged.)
I got her a Scooby Video and a Frogger game and thats it. At least when it
disappears its not alot of money.
(I DID insist on keeping some of the clothes we bought her here last time...)