Finicky Step Son
Kelly
hints/tips for my finicky eating stepson..
I am a SAHM from Sydney Australia, I have 2 girls who are almost 3 and 18
months, my SO has a 10 year old son who lives with his mother... We have SS
every weekend and for half of the school holidays...
SS is a shocking eater, he has essentially been brought up on fast food..
The only vegetable he will eat is mashed potato, he won't eat fish and
doesn't like most other things.. For example spaghetti bolognaise to him is
spaghetti, mince and tomato sauce/ketchup... If I make something with a
stray vegetable in it, he will just not eat it... The girls are good little
eaters and I am a bit scared they may be influenced by him...
SO tells him that he just has to eat it and they have arguments about it..
As I am the one who always cooks I just feel that he will resent me and
think I am a b*tch for making food he doesn't like and causing his Dad to
pick on him.. I have a good relationship with SS, we are mates and he is a
lovely young kid, who I don't want to be mean to...
Does anyone have any ideas/tips how I can manage to feed SS without becoming
the evil b*tch??
--
Kelly
Mummy to Emily (12 Aug 01) and Isabella (5 Dec 02)
Angie Reynolds
My youngest SS who was 6 at the time was the SAME way, before we got
custody of him
full-time a year ago. We had him every other weekend and everytime he
came over, he would
not eat anything I cooked. He wanted pizza, hamburgers and french fries,
only. His older brother
(8 at the time) wasn't a finicky eater because he wasn't raised in the
same place SS6 was. He
ate what he was fixed with no complaints. Finally DH just made SS6 sit
at the table and eat all
his food and he wasn't getting up til he was done. Sometimes it took an
hour and a half but he
always finally finished it. We never broke down and went and got a pizza
or hamburger for him
just because he didn't want what the rest of us were having. We never
excused him from the table
and fed him junk/snacks/dessert afterwards. We just stuck to it and
after about 6 months he never
complained again about eating. He just found out that we did not eat
like that at our house. We ate
"real" food, homecooked food. We didn't have any problem with him after
that. I think it was
just an adjustment because he never had anything at his house except
junk, fast foods, and chips.
It may seem like you're a bitch for making him sit there and eat when he
doesn't want to, but
the child has to eat and it would just be wrong to go get him something
else, like unhealthy
fast food when you have perfectly good, homecooked meals on the table.
He's just used to
different eating habits in his other home and needs to know that it's
not the same in both houses.
I don't know any tips on making veggies taste better for your SS. I
never ran into that problem
thank goodness. My SS's liked veggies and veggie casseroles or raw
veggies dipped in Ranch
dressing. Maybe someone else on the group will have some better tips for
you. If your SS is
that picky, I would try to find out what he likes and don't like and try
to fix those for him when
he comes. My SS didn't like anything except pizza, hamburgers or french
fries. he just
was not used to homecooked food. He started to finally tell me what he
DID like, like mashed
potatoes, certain kinds of veggies, casseroles, meats, etc. I just kept
track of what he did
and didn't like. I started fixing things we normally had and
incorporating things he did like
into the meal. After about 6 months, we had no problems at all. It was
just learning to eat
something besides what he was raised on at the time. Welcome and good luck.
Angie
Angie
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
>Does anyone have any ideas/tips how I can manage to feed SS without becoming
>the evil b*tch??
Hi, Kelly. Chewy and I are the custodial parents of 3 of our 4
children. The oldest, of whom Chewy had custody, was already out on
her own when we met.
When we met, OS and YD were extremely finicky eaters. It drove me
nuts. I grew up in a household where you ate what was put before you
and you were thankful to have it. YS, being raised in the same
environment, has never been a finicky eater.
Because we're custodial and you aren't, you may not wish to be as
strident about this issue as I was. There was no way I was going to
live with kids who were ungrateful for what had been provided for
them. (OK, so as teens they've found new areas about which to be
ungrateful.)
Chewy had developed the habit with the kids that if they didn't want
what he'd put on the table, they could go fix themselves peanut butter
sandwiches. About the 2nd week we were together, I set my foot down.
I told them that if I was going to take the time to cook for them,
they could stop being insulting and at least *try* what had been
cooked.
A couple of times, YD threw screaming hissy fits. I sent her to her
room, where she screamed louder. I closed her bedroom door and she
screamed louder. I went to her door, told her that when she was calm
we'd discuss matters and I turned up the radio. She screamed louder.
We ate, and I occasionally went to her door to let her know that when
she'd calmed down we would talk. To me, it was very important to let
her know we were checking up on her from time to time, to let her know
we were there and cared but were holding firm.
Five years later, she no longer throws the screaming hissy fits that
can be heard a mile away. And she at least tries what's set on the
table. She's become kind of proud of the different things she'll eat
now. Back then, she wouldn't have tried sushi. Two weeks ago, she
and one of her best friends were treated to lunch at a very nice sushi
bar and restaurant an hour from here.
Time, patience, communication, and perseverance are the biggest
things. You said that you and your SS get along well. Perhaps if you
let him know it bothers you that he doesn't even try the foods you
take the time to prepare, he may try to work with you. It's worth a
shot, IMO.
Kitten
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
True evangelical faith cannot lie dormant. It clothes the naked, feeds
the hungry, comforts the sorrowful, shelters the destitute. And serves
those who harm it. -- Menno Simons, 1539
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Courage, Real courage, is no quick fix. It doesn't come in a bottle
or a pill, It comes from discipline. From taking everything life hands
you and being your best either because of it or in spite of it.
-- Ty Murray
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Lori H
My SS was very finicky when I first moved in with my SO. SO works shifts
so he is very often not home at meal time. The very first meal I
made, all three of the kids asked "Where's the kid food?'. I had no idea
what they meant until they explained that they always ate hot dogs or
kraft dinner for supper, and BM and my now SO would eat more elaborate
meals together after the kids were in bed.
My SS would eat hot dogs, kraft dinner, instant oatmeal and not much
else and he was very resistant to eating anything else. I made meals and
SS HAD to try one bite of everything, if he liked it he was free to
serve himself more of that food, if he did not like it he did not have
to eat it. More often than not there was something offered that he did
like and he could fill up on that. If there was nothing that he liked or
if he was simply being contrary and claiming to like nothing then he
could grab an apple or banana to fill the gap but there was no junk food
offered at all. Now SS eats absolutely everything, he has wide and
varied tastes and has become quite adventuresome with his food choices.
Lori H
The Watsons
"Kelly" <k...@k.com> wrote in message
news:40b478dd$0$3032$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
> SS is a shocking eater, he has essentially been brought up on fast food..
> The only vegetable he will eat is mashed potato, he won't eat fish and
> doesn't like most other things.. For example spaghetti bolognaise to him
is
> spaghetti, mince and tomato sauce/ketchup... If I make something with a
> stray vegetable in it, he will just not eat it... The girls are good
little
> eaters and I am a bit scared they may be influenced by him...
my SD was the same way-her mother made her either grilled cheese, macaroni
'n cheese, microwaveable kid dinners, or hot dogs...once in a while, there'd
be some actual protein or veggie, but not very often....
sunshine tried the "i didn't want this" a few times at our house, and the
simple comment was "well, it's what was made and it's what's there; either
eat this, or it's a long way until breakfast"....after a couple of times of
seeing just how long it was until breakfast, she started eating with us...:)
Jess
Wendy
"Lori H" <joh...@sk.sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:40B49C75...@sk.sympatico.ca...
> My SS was very finicky when I first moved in with my SO. SO works shifts
> so he is very often not home at meal time. The very first meal I
> made, all three of the kids asked "Where's the kid food?'. I had no idea
> what they meant until they explained that they always ate hot dogs or
> kraft dinner for supper, and BM and my now SO would eat more elaborate
> meals together after the kids were in bed.
We have friends who feed their children separately too, but I grew up in a
big family (5 children) round the table for every meal, including breakfast,
and it always seemed to me that if you didn't give children the chance to
learn and experiment at home they might never get the chance.
> My SS would eat hot dogs, kraft dinner, instant oatmeal and not much
> else and he was very resistant to eating anything else. I made meals and
> SS HAD to try one bite of everything, if he liked it he was free to
> serve himself more of that food, if he did not like it he did not have
> to eat it. More often than not there was something offered that he did
> like and he could fill up on that. If there was nothing that he liked or
> if he was simply being contrary and claiming to like nothing then he
> could grab an apple or banana to fill the gap but there was no junk food
> offered at all. Now SS eats absolutely everything, he has wide and
> varied tastes and has become quite adventuresome with his food choices.
I like this approach. It encourages the child to try new things, and
respect the effort that has gone into it, whilst not making a big issue
about food. Sure, some children are just baulking at anything unknown and
being unyielding might work eventually with those ones, but I do think that
you need to be careful not to make food a battle ground. I used to hate it
when my sister would turn every meal time into a battle with neices and
nephews. I know children who've developed anorexia/bulimia because food has
become the one thing they felt they could control.
Wendy
Lori
In our house, the rule that applies is this... "this is not Burger King, you
do not get to have it your way". I do try to work it so that nobody is
stuck always eating what they dislike. I'm the only one who likes
asparagus, but on occasion it is served at dinner anyway. Everyone has
things they like. Our kids love fast food. My husband is paid twice
monthly, so at least once per pay period they get to have it. Other times
are treats, at *our* discretion. My SS dislikes certain things, but they
are served anyway, and he has to eat at least a three bite serving. Our son
has always had the same rule as well. Just because a child is only there
paret of the time is no excuse to cater to him/her, that is not good. We
want our kids to learn not to be picky eaters, and now we can be fairly
confident that whether or not they like what is served, they will not be
rude when they are with others. Trust me, if yoiu tell the child that his
choice is to eat what is served or go hungry, he will not go hungry for
long.
Lori
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.690 / Virus Database: 451 - Release Date: 5/23/04
Amy Lou
"Wendy" <we...@hundredakerwood.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c92mv2$bn2$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
>
> > My SS would eat hot dogs, kraft dinner, instant oatmeal and not much
> > else and he was very resistant to eating anything else. I made meals and
> > SS HAD to try one bite of everything, if he liked it he was free to
> > serve himself more of that food, if he did not like it he did not have
> > to eat it. More often than not there was something offered that he did
> > like and he could fill up on that. If there was nothing that he liked or
> > if he was simply being contrary and claiming to like nothing then he
> > could grab an apple or banana to fill the gap but there was no junk food
> > offered at all. Now SS eats absolutely everything, he has wide and
> > varied tastes and has become quite adventuresome with his food choices.
>
> I like this approach. It encourages the child to try new things, and
> respect the effort that has gone into it, whilst not making a big issue
> about food. Sure, some children are just baulking at anything unknown and
> being unyielding might work eventually with those ones, but I do think
that
> you need to be careful not to make food a battle ground. I used to hate
it
> when my sister would turn every meal time into a battle with neices and
> nephews. I know children who've developed anorexia/bulimia because food
has
> become the one thing they felt they could control.
G'day Kelly, its nice to see you here.
I have a similar approach to food as Lori described. Try it, if you don't
like it go without or get yourself some fruit to eat.
My husband however believes in eating up all that's on the plate. My SD used
to be (and still is - but she's 21 now and that makes things a bit
different) the most fussy eater in our family. I would cringe when DH would
make her eat up all the broccoli on her plate. It seemed very cruel to me.
I used to encourage SD to to help me with the cooking and to offer her
suggestions. I discovered that she hated spaghetti bol made with tinned
tomatoes but she lapped it all up if it was made with tomato soup. I found
that it was more comfortable *for me* if I served up meals that included
things that she liked. So when she was visiting we usually had mashed potato
and/or baked beans as part of the meal. I kept broccoli for when she wasn't
here. :) Gosh she only came for the holidays - not enough time to really
make any difference to her eating habits - and I think meal times should be
a pleasant experience not a battlefield.
Amy
_calinda_
>Trust me, if yoiu tell the child that his
> choice is to eat what is served or go hungry, he will not go
hungry
> for long.
Not exactly true. There are many anorexic young people that will
allow themselves to starve, some do so to death.
My daughter is in danger of becoming anorexic. Her eating choices
have become extremely limited through her own decisions, and I have
tried all that has been suggested here to no avail.
Two medical doctors and her counselor have now examined her, and all
agree that we need to back off and let her chose, or she WILL become
anorexic. They have advised that her eating is what she can control
and if it becomes a battle of wills, she has the power to win.
Right now, we are taking this course of action, to possibly save her
life.
She eats: fortified cereal, bagels, protein fortified skim milk,
ramen noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, cheese sandwiches,
wheat-thins and toast. Occasionally she'll eat a waffle or pancake
and *sometimes* she'll eat a cheeseburger, but not often.
She will NOT eat meat, fruits or veggies. Period. I couldn't get
her to eat them, if I tied her to a chair and made her go without.
She had gone to bed without food many nights, until the doctors
insisted we stop doing that, we were doing more harm than good, in
their opinions.
Right now, she is at an ok weight for her height, and has had good
blood test results and we watch that, but we don't force feed her
against her will.
I am not saying it doesn't work with some children, but I do
disagree that it works with all children. That just isn't the case.
Kids that have had their lives turned upside down by the adults in
their lives will sometimes go to extremes to control *something* in
their life. Sometimes, eating is what the can control.
Cal~
Wendy
"_calinda_" <calinda...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2hlausF...@uni-berlin.de...
> I am not saying it doesn't work with some children, but I do
> disagree that it works with all children. That just isn't the case.
> Kids that have had their lives turned upside down by the adults in
> their lives will sometimes go to extremes to control *something* in
> their life. Sometimes, eating is what the can control.
There's another facet to this too. Of my friends a significant proportion
are vegetarians, some even vegan. Barclay can't eat certain things, like
chocolate, cheese made from cow's milk, or red wine. He won't eat boiled
eggs, because his mother served them to them for every evening meal while
they were kids. My mother is diabetic, type II, while another friend is
Type I. I'm avoiding carbohydrates. Another person I know can't eat wheat.
My youngest won't eat margarine, especially on bread. My eldest likes
curry, but finds really spicy food upsets her stomach. Not everyone is able
to or likes to eat the same things.
It isn't always disrespectful of someone's efforts to refuse. In fact, if I
cooked meat for vegetarians, or chocolate for Barclay, they'd probably
consider me a bit insensitive, having communicated the position.
I do think that you need to give children a balanced diet and it's wonderful
when someone isn't a picky eater, but I don't think food should be a battle
ground and I don't see it as a problem that some people have personal
preferences or needs.
Wendy
WhansaMi
make themselves cereal (something we always keep around) or a sandwich. IOW,
their not eating what I made doesn't have an impact on me. That's really what
I care about.
Sheila
Geri and sometimes Brian
Almost identical at our house, with the exception that we don't even do the
alternative meal service (like the cereal or sandwich). SD is at an age where
we are not catering to the finicky eating thing. So, if she doesn't want to
eat what is on the table, she can wait until the next meal. By the same token,
usually I don't go out of the way to fix something that anyone in the family
dislikes, because I don't like wasting food. I can't recall any time where
there has been nothing in the meal that she has been willing to eat. We also
have a one bite rule for something new. Additionally, we go out to dinner
fairly frequently and then she can order what she likes (within reason).
~~Geri~~
.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
My problem with telling them that if they don't like what's served,
they can fix something else is that when you are guests at someone
else's house, you run the risk of insulting your host(ess). Kids have
to learn to deal with things like that. The best learning ground is
at home. Then they don't run the risk of alienating a future
friend/boss/business associate.
WhansaMi
>can
>>make themselves cereal (something we always keep around) or a sandwich.
>IOW,
>>their not eating what I made doesn't have an impact on me. That's really
>what
>>I care about.
>
>
>My problem with telling them that if they don't like what's served,
>they can fix something else is that when you are guests at someone
>else's house, you run the risk of insulting your host(ess). Kids have
>to learn to deal with things like that. The best learning ground is
>at home. Then they don't run the risk of alienating a future
>friend/boss/business associate.
>
>
>Kitten
Well, I guess you are right in concept, but I've never had it be an issue
elsewhere. Somehow my kids seem to understand that this isn't an option in
other places/other people's houses.
Sheila
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
>>My problem with telling them that if they don't like what's served,
>>they can fix something else is that when you are guests at someone
>>else's house, you run the risk of insulting your host(ess). Kids have
>>to learn to deal with things like that. The best learning ground is
>>at home. Then they don't run the risk of alienating a future
>>friend/boss/business associate.
>>
>>
>>Kitten
>
>Well, I guess you are right in concept, but I've never had it be an issue
>elsewhere. Somehow my kids seem to understand that this isn't an option in
>other places/other people's houses.
I've seen it happen with other people's kids. It's something I hope
to never have to contend with personally.
Amy Lou
"Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <kittenN...@whitepine.com> wrote in
message news:cgpcb0pk7ms7srpvf...@4ax.com...
> On 27 May 2004 20:27:15 GMT, whan...@aol.com (WhansaMi) wrote:
>
> >>My problem with telling them that if they don't like what's served,
> >>they can fix something else is that when you are guests at someone
> >>else's house, you run the risk of insulting your host(ess). Kids have
> >>to learn to deal with things like that. The best learning ground is
> >>at home. Then they don't run the risk of alienating a future
> >>friend/boss/business associate.
> >>
> >>
> >>Kitten
> >
> >Well, I guess you are right in concept, but I've never had it be an issue
> >elsewhere. Somehow my kids seem to understand that this isn't an option
in
> >other places/other people's houses.
>
>
> I've seen it happen with other people's kids. It's something I hope
> to never have to contend with personally.
I've never had a visiting kid ask me if they could have something else. I
recall one quite funny occation when some friends were having a meal with us
and their youngest wouldn't eat it all up. The father insisted it all be
eaten and the mother helped the child with his, by then, cold meal by eating
every second spoonful for him. Yuck!
I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no dessert/sweets for
kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a dessert
but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible to
give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
Amy (who regularly went without pudding rather than eat up those peas)
Vicki Robinson
>I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no dessert/sweets for
>kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a dessert
>but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
>rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
>meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible to
>give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
I have always agreed with this. No reason to force a kid to overeat
so that he can have his dessert.
No one was allowed to whine about being hungry half an hour after
dinner, though, if they had gone straight for the "good stuff."
Vicki
--
Just to think I used to worry about things like that.
Used to worry 'bout rich and skinny
'til I wound up poor and fat.
-Delbert McClinton
Geri and sometimes Brian
>kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a desser
We don't usually have dessert, but we do have a rule when we do have dessert
that if SD is not hungry enough to eat her dinner, that is fine, but then she
is not hungry enough for dessert either.
~~Geri~~
.
_calinda_
> I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no
dessert/sweets
> for kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always
provide
> a dessert but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the
> logic in the old rule of making the kid go without dessert if they
> don't like their main meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat
and
> vegies isn't it sensible to give them fruit and yoghurt rather
than
> let them have nothing?
>
> Amy (who regularly went without pudding rather than eat up those
peas)
I have never served a dessert, except for special occasions. There
is fruit available at all times, and they are allowed to have that
if they choose, pretty much whenever they would like.
Unfortunately, fruit is one food group my daughter won't eat, but I
make sure it's always there, just in case.
Cal~
rebecca
"Amy Lou" <amyl...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
news:Emwtc.13919$L.2...@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
>
> I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no dessert/sweets for
> kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a
dessert
> but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
> rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
> meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible to
> give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
>
Fruit, they can have whenever. Sweets, no. If you aren't hungry enough to
finish your dinner, you aren't hungry enough for dessert.
rebecca
WhansaMi
>kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a dessert
>but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
>rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
>meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible to
>give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
>
>Amy (who regularly went without pudding rather than eat up those peas)
When my kids were little, there didn't have refined sugar at all. DH prides
himself for having taken them to their first doughnut shop when they were five
and six! "Desserts" were fruit leather and yogurt.
I have to admit our eating habits have changed dramatically, and we no longer
eat nearly as healthily. Still, DD prefers salty snacks to sweet ones
(although she loves cheesecake), and DS doesn't much like rich foods at all.
Given that neither of them have a weight problem (if anything, DS needs to gain
10 or 15 lbs.) and they are healthy, I don't even notice what they eat. They
are both aware that they should eat nutrient-rich food before nutrient-poor
food (DS especially). DD loves spicy and unusual flavors, and will turn down
dessert because she is too full. DS eats small amounts of fairly bland food,
and then will take an equally small portion of dessert (2 tablespoons of
pudding, for instance).
Sheila
Vicki Robinson
>Fruit, they can have whenever. Sweets, no. If you aren't hungry enough to
>finish your dinner, you aren't hungry enough for dessert.
But you don't eat dessert because you're hungry, it's just the finish
to the meal. Would you say "If you're not hungry enough to eat your
carrots, then you're not hungry enough for your meat loaf"?
I never got that. Make a kid cram down food that he doesn't want,
more calories than his body needs, just so that he can have a treat.
Eat some dinner, get your treat, then you're done for the evening.
badgirl
"Vicki Robinson" <vjr...@xcski.com> wrote in message
news:c96415$r7n$1...@allhats.xcski.com...
> In a previous article, "Amy Lou" <amyl...@bigpond.com> said:
>
> >I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no
dessert/sweets for
> >kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a
dessert
> >but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in
the old
> >rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their
main
> >meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it
sensible to
> >give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
I insist on finishing your meal before you get dessert BUT I am also
not into giving my kids huge portions. Now that my big two are in fact
big ;) they can serve themselves and they need to eat what they take.
They are however careful how much they take because they know they can
always have more. The baby gets an average of 3 bites of each *thing*
we have for dinner and if he seems to like something he gets one bite
at a time more until he isn't interested anymore (I think we made it
to 6 bites of something once) I don't hold my rule true for him though
because he isn't old enough to understand yet but when he is older the
rule will apply.
Jen
badgirl
"Vicki Robinson" <vjr...@xcski.com> wrote in message
news:c9680t$tcc$1...@allhats.xcski.com...
> In a previous article, "rebecca" <justre...@yahoo.com> said:
>
> >Fruit, they can have whenever. Sweets, no. If you aren't hungry
enough to
> >finish your dinner, you aren't hungry enough for dessert.
>
> But you don't eat dessert because you're hungry, it's just the
finish
> to the meal. Would you say "If you're not hungry enough to eat your
> carrots, then you're not hungry enough for your meat loaf"?
>
> I never got that. Make a kid cram down food that he doesn't want,
> more calories than his body needs, just so that he can have a treat.
> Eat some dinner, get your treat, then you're done for the evening.
>
> Vicki
> --
Ok, but why would you serve him portions bigger than he is going to be
interested in eating (or more calories than he needs) with or without
a dessert available? That's what I don't get. People think that kids
need these BIG portions and they don't. They should be served a little
less than you think they're gonna eat in the first place and then let
them take more if they want it after they're finished.
Jen
Geri and sometimes Brian
>interested in eating (or more calories than he needs) with or without
>a dessert available? That's what I don't get.
We don't. I usually just give SD a little of each thing. Her appetite is kind
of variable (probably somewhat affected by her medications). If I would give
her dessert when she says she isn't hungry, she would eat two or three bites
and then play with the rest. I would rather not waste the food.
Food is a battle at our house at breakfast time anyway, because she doesn't
want to eat her breakfast in the AMs and she needs it.
~~Geri~~
.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
<snipped>
>
>Food is a battle at our house at breakfast time anyway, because she doesn't
>want to eat her breakfast in the AMs and she needs it.
>
We sometimes have that same battle with OS(16). He's the one who's
almost too thin. He's also the one who goes into extreme (and I *do*
mean extreme) mood swings if he doesn't eat enough of the right foods.
Problem is, he doesn't always want to eat the foods that will keep him
moods stablized.
Then it's a fight of "Eggs?? Again? All we ever have is eggs!" Even
if the previous 4 or 5 breakfasts have been anything but eggs. Or
"Protein and veggies. Protein and veggies. You never let me have any
carbs!" That one usually follows within hours of my having decided
that he's been doing well enough for me to fix pasta salad or
something of that nature for lunch.
He's getting better about monitoring himself, but those moods still
hit once in a while. Thankfully they've not been as severe in the
past couple of months.
Geri and sometimes Brian
>if the previous 4 or 5 breakfasts have been anything but eggs. Or
>"Protein and veggies. Protein and veggies. You never let me have any
>carbs!"
Pretty much the same thing here. It doesn't help that her mom gives her Cocoa
Tutti-Frutti Sugar Frosted Hyper Cereal-Os for breakfast. ("Why can't I have
that?") She has to eat a protein breakfast or the behavior problems are worse
- especially because the school blows off giving her the snacks we sent half
the time.
~~Geri~~
.
rebecca
>
> >Fruit, they can have whenever. Sweets, no. If you aren't hungry enough
to
> >finish your dinner, you aren't hungry enough for dessert.
>
> But you don't eat dessert because you're hungry, it's just the finish
> to the meal. Would you say "If you're not hungry enough to eat your
> carrots, then you're not hungry enough for your meat loaf"?
>
> I never got that. Make a kid cram down food that he doesn't want,
> more calories than his body needs, just so that he can have a treat.
> Eat some dinner, get your treat, then you're done for the evening.
>
But that presupposes that you consider the treat as an inherent part of the
meal. We don't. It's a sometimes added thing. Like I said, no healthy
food is restricted - yogurt, fruit, anyone can have those. Heck, they can
have those for dinner, for all I care. Chocoloate cake? Cheesecake? Ice
cream? Those aren't for dinner.
I get what you're saying, and I agree that forcing calories down a kid that
really wants dessert isn't a good idea. No one is ever forced to completely
clear their plates. But we don't allow the 8YO to eat two bites of his
dinner, so he can save room for more ice cream later. Which would
definitively happen without the rule.
rebecca
badgirl
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.comGOBIGRED> wrote in message
news:20040527231210...@mb-m27.aol.com...
She has to eat a protein breakfast or the behavior problems are worse
> - especially because the school blows off giving her the snacks we
sent half
> the time.
>
> ~~Geri~~
That used to totally piss me off when the school would do that kind of
crap to Steven. I finally told them I was tired of wasting my money
and they could deal with the behaviors if they didn't want to follow
the treatment plan we had set during the staffing. One teacher even
managed to get him restrained over one of his snacks. I pulled him out
of that school within the week after that incedent.
His education has been entirely wasted because the so called
"professionals" have managed to fuck up every single thing they've
done with him. In 9 years he has gone through 12 schools. It's pretty
sickening when you think about it. He has no future IMO at this point.
18 for us is not the "end goal" anymore and frankly I don't know WTH
I'm going to do with him.
Jen
Geri and sometimes Brian
>managed to get him restrained over one of his snacks. I pulled him out
>of that school within the week after that incedent.
I wish we could take my SD out of her school. They use physical "containments"
all the time on her.
~~Geri~~
.
Lori
I agree with you, for the most part, but I was talking about young children.
For us, these battles were when our boys were considerably younger than the
age 7 and age 11 they are now. It is no longer an issue, because it was
established long ago that this was the way it was going to be. The *only*
exception is if there is an allergy to a given food item. Hey, my husband,
who *hates* both peas and asparagus, pretends to like them when we all eat
together and they are served. And he also has only a 3 bite helping of
them! :-) When i was a kid, my parents pretended for years to like liver,
so we would not learn to dislike it from them. Once they knew we liked it,
they owned up and quit making it, and we hapily had it whenever they were
away. :-)
Lori
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.691 / Virus Database: 452 - Release Date: 5/27/04
_calinda_
>
> I agree with you, for the most part, but I was talking about young
> children. For us, these battles were when our boys were
considerably
> younger than the age 7 and age 11 they are now.
But the child in the OP's post is 10. I do think that children of
that age can and do start to use their food as a control issue,
sometimes. Again, I'm not saying all children, but some do and I
think the need to look at whether this is a new issue for this child
or not. If this is a relatively new thing for the child, then
asking the question why might be in order. I've found out the hard
way that trying to make a child eat against their will can be a
recipe for disaster.
Cal~
Em
<snip>
>
> I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no dessert/sweets for
> kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a dessert
> but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
> rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
> meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible to
> give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
As someone who has less than cheerfully battled with weight her whole
life I'm not happy with any food group becoming a 'reward group'. That's
what happened to me and I think that sort of thing has a lot to answer
for when people find their weight management difficult, and use certain
foods as 'comfort foods', because they previously were given for 'good'
behaviour.
I also completely agree with Vicki about it potentially forcing children
to overeat to get their treat. I don't think that teaches children to
listen to their bodies and eat when they're hungry.
Em
Nessa
(in message <%Cztc.2714$fw6....@fe39.usenetserver.com>):
> When i was a kid, my parents pretended for years to like liver, so we would
> not learn to dislike it from them. Once they knew we liked it, they owned
> up and quit making it, and we hapily had it whenever they were away. :-) Lori
oh that's great. they forced themselves to eat something they disliked to
raise better rounded children. wow.... I love liver but the smell alone
makes my SO puke (really literally) so we wait till he's not around.
SD is not a real picky eater and I'm a big one for if you don't like it you
can have cereal or whatever but you have to clean up after yourself. she
usually will eat what's on her plate.
Nessa
(in message <DExtc.2259$4A6.1011@attbi_s52>):
i worry about the number of calories SD takes in. Both her dad and I are
HUGE eaters (and I'm working on it)... she's a bit chunky but she's going
through that growing stage... but she can eat 3 huge helpings if I let her.
do you think i should let her eat till her hunger is gone?
Vicki Robinson
>i worry about the number of calories SD takes in. Both her dad and I are
>HUGE eaters (and I'm working on it)... she's a bit chunky but she's going
>through that growing stage... but she can eat 3 huge helpings if I let her.
>
>do you think i should let her eat till her hunger is gone?
Maybe slow her down. Actually, if you and DH are trying to get a
handle on the same thing, how about first servings, then a 10-minute
sing-along or joke-telling program or a read-aloud chapter of a book, or
anything that will space out second servings and be fun for the family.
Give your blood sugar time to adjust to your first servings. Then,
anyone who's still hungry can have some more. But I but lots of times
you'll all say "Naaaaaaah.... I guess I don't really want anymore."
Oh, don't put big serving spoons in the serving dishes, and leave the
extra in the kitchen, not on the table.
My weight has always been a moderate problem because of portion
control. I know some tricks!
Vicki Robinson
Oh, let him do it a few times. And when he's ragingly hungry by 7:30
and breakfast is 12 hours off? Natural consequences. Of course, then
you have to put up with a hungry, griping, whining kid. Unless you
send him to bed after the second request for food.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
>
>>Then it's a fight of "Eggs?? Again? All we ever have is eggs!" Even
>>if the previous 4 or 5 breakfasts have been anything but eggs. Or
>>"Protein and veggies. Protein and veggies. You never let me have any
>>carbs!"
>
>Pretty much the same thing here. It doesn't help that her mom gives her Cocoa
>Tutti-Frutti Sugar Frosted Hyper Cereal-Os for breakfast.
Thankfully, I don't have to deal with that particular BM issue. My BM
issue is a whole other thread.
Lori H
> I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no dessert/sweets
> for kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide
> a dessert but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the
> logic in the old rule of making the kid go without dessert if they
> don't like their main meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and
> vegies isn't it sensible to give them fruit and yoghurt rather than
> let them have nothing?
>
> Amy (who regularly went without pudding rather than eat up those
> peas)
>
>
I do make them skip dessert if they haven't eaten enough supper. My SS in
particular would skip the main meal altogether if I let him and only eat
dessert. The kids all serve themselves supper however so they can take
as much as they feel like eating and if there is something that they
don't like they can stick to the one bite rule on that particular food
choice so it never comes down to a daunting pile of broccoli that has
to be eaten before dessert.
Lori H
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
<chgobadgi...@comcast.net> wrote:
> His education has been entirely wasted because the so called
>"professionals" have managed to fuck up every single thing they've
>done with him. In 9 years he has gone through 12 schools. It's pretty
>sickening when you think about it. He has no future IMO at this point.
>18 for us is not the "end goal" anymore and frankly I don't know WTH
>I'm going to do with him.
Is home or private education not an option?
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
Thankfully, physical restraints have only been needed with OS at home,
with one exception. It's been several months since any restraints
were needed at all. He's finally getting to the point where he can
usually realize when he's escalating, and he makes the effort to pull
himself under control.
Keep working at it. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
Is there a way you can get the things that work written into your SD's
IEP? Or are they already written in?
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
wrote:
>i worry about the number of calories SD takes in. Both her dad and I are
>HUGE eaters (and I'm working on it)... she's a bit chunky but she's going
>through that growing stage... but she can eat 3 huge helpings if I let her.
>
>do you think i should let her eat till her hunger is gone?
Have her slow down. Way too many times in our rushed society, we eat
too quickly, which means our brains don't have time to tell us we're
satiated before we're overly full.
Slowing down has worked well for YS. He doesn't eat nearly as much
when he eats more slowly.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
>
>I also completely agree with Vicki about it potentially forcing children
>to overeat to get their treat. I don't think that teaches children to
>listen to their bodies and eat when they're hungry.
I don't think anyone's advocating forcing children to overeat to get
dessert. It's all about portion control. A child who normally eats
only a little should get smaller servings.
We adjust serving sizes for the individual kids as a matter of habit.
When I've cooked something that I dish up in the kitchen (oatmeal,
eggs, etc), I put much less on YD's plate than I put on the plates of
the boys. I put less on YS's plate than I do OS's plate because OS is
finishing up a growing spurt and is still often very hungry and very
skinny, where YS is chunkier and eats simply from nervousness if we're
not careful.
They all get different serving sizes. When they're thinking about
getting 2nds on dinner, *if* there's dessert, I'll remind them of
dessert.
Geri and sometimes Brian
>IEP? Or are they already written in?
We have some written in, which the school pretty much ignore. They have their
"method" of doing things and they are resistant to stepping outside that mode
and honoring the "individual" in IEP. Unfortunately, their method has led to
worse behavior in SD at school. (We are now in the process of weaning her off
both her meds*, and since we have taken her off the Trileptal, it seems her
behavior has improved. Of course, the reduction in containments *may* be
because we have filed a complaint against the school with the Department of
Education and it is currently being investigated.) *We are, with her doctor's
approval, taking her off her meds this summer to get a baseline in her
behavior without medication just to see where she is at. She has been on
medication since she was five without doing this.
I have also been doing some investigation regarding the Girls and Boys Town
methods and it turns out they have a branch out here in SoCal. My sister in
Omaha (where the original Boys Town is located) has a great nephew-by-marriage
who recently became a resident at the Omaha facility due to similar (but much
worse) behaviors to what SD does and she suggested looking into their programs.
It turns out that they have lots of resources available to parents.
~~Geri~~
.
Melissa
>Ok, but why would you serve him portions bigger than he is going to be
>interested in eating (or more calories than he needs) with or without
>a dessert available? That's what I don't get. People think that kids
>need these BIG portions and they don't. They should be served a little
>less than you think they're gonna eat in the first place and then let
>them take more if they want it after they're finished.
>
>Jen
>
You know I don't think we ever doled out portions to SS. Even when he was four
he tended to serve himself at dinner. SO will make sure he has a bit of
everything, but SS always seemed to know how hungry he was.
We eat alot of ethnic foods and SO like to get creative in the kitchen. With
things SS hasn't tried before the rule is that he has to try them at least
once. Most of the things he doesn't like are things the the rest of the family
ends up not liking as well so that's never been much of a problem either.
Love,
Melissa
badgirl
"Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <kittenN...@whitepine.com> wrote in
message news:baeeb0p76fsecogll...@4ax.com...
> On Fri, 28 May 2004 04:09:13 GMT, "badgirl"
> <chgobadgi...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> > His education has been entirely wasted because the so called
> >"professionals" have managed to fuck up every single thing they've
> >done with him. In 9 years he has gone through 12 schools. It's
pretty
> >sickening when you think about it. He has no future IMO at this
point.
> >18 for us is not the "end goal" anymore and frankly I don't know
WTH
> >I'm going to do with him.
>
>
> Is home or private education not an option?
>
>
> Kitten
>
I can't afford private school and I don't have the patience to home
educate him. I could do it with my daughter because she wants to
learn, with my son though he isn't interested and frankly I couldn't
deal with the battle of wills every day to get him to sit long enough
to do anything (BTDT over the summers, wasted effort IMO)
At least if he is in a public school he has some sort of structure
every day and a program to follow. Most of his problems were last year
when he was on meds and had alot less control over his behaviors. He
will be 15 this year and seems to be maturing out of alot of the
things we had been dealing with for years.
My hope for him is that he will quit regular school at 16 and ask for
state assistance to go to a decent vocational school. At least if he
can do that he will have something useful to fall back on instead of
being a "bum in the street" (my GM's words LOL).
I have faith that it will work out no matter what he decides. It just
saddens me that he hasn't really been able;e to get a traditional
education for the most part. They are graduating him from 8th grade
this year and IMO he wouldn't pass 6th. Pushed through the system to
be the next teachers problem.
Jen
The Watsons
> My weight has always been a moderate problem because of portion
> control. I know some tricks!
and drink water, too...:)
Jess
The Watsons
> Oh, let him do it a few times. And when he's ragingly hungry by 7:30
> and breakfast is 12 hours off? Natural consequences. Of course, then
> you have to put up with a hungry, griping, whining kid. Unless you
> send him to bed after the second request for food.
works like a charm...:D
Jess
Geri and sometimes Brian
>educate him.
I am to the point where I wish I could home school SD. Of course, BM will
never allow this because she cannot also do it.
~~Geri~~
.
badgirl
"Nessa" <ladyb...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:01HW.BCDC8AC80...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
>
> i worry about the number of calories SD takes in. Both her dad and
I are
> HUGE eaters (and I'm working on it)... she's a bit chunky but she's
going
> through that growing stage... but she can eat 3 huge helpings if I
let her.
>
> do you think i should let her eat till her hunger is gone?
>
If portion control is an issue with her then of course you shouldn't.
You as the adult should figure out what's the right amount she should
be eating for her age (and appropriate height) and adjust it
accordingly. If she is still hungry then offer her a low calorie
healthy snack to *fill in the gaps* (like celery or carrots)
Jen
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
wrote:
>The kids all serve themselves supper however so they can take
>as much as they feel like eating and if there is something that they
>don't like they can stick to the one bite rule on that particular food
>choice so it never comes down to a daunting pile of broccoli that has
>to be eaten before dessert.
If there's something on the table that one of the kids (usually YD)
doesn't particularly like, they have to get a small serving, enough
for one or two bites.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
I sometimes have to remind my kids to drink water. Sometimes when
you're dehydrated, you can interpret the signals your body is giving
you as hunger signals. There are a lot of overweight people who are
dehydrated as well.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
>
>I have also been doing some investigation regarding the Girls and Boys Town
>methods and it turns out they have a branch out here in SoCal. My sister in
>Omaha (where the original Boys Town is located) has a great nephew-by-marriage
>who recently became a resident at the Omaha facility due to similar (but much
>worse) behaviors to what SD does and she suggested looking into their programs.
> It turns out that they have lots of resources available to parents.
I've always heard good things about Girls and Boys Town. Are you
looking at trying to get her in, or simply trying to incorporate some
of their methodology? Either way, what's the possibility of getting
through your court system?
Geri and sometimes Brian
>looking at trying to get her in, or simply trying to incorporate some
>of their methodology?
Just starting out with the methodology for the time being. Fortunately, school
is almost out, so I will have the summer to investigate things further.
~~Geri~~
.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
<chgobadgi...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
>I can't afford private school and I don't have the patience to home
>educate him. I could do it with my daughter because she wants to
>learn, with my son though he isn't interested and frankly I couldn't
>deal with the battle of wills every day to get him to sit long enough
>to do anything (BTDT over the summers, wasted effort IMO)
Some private schools, especially Christian ones, have scholarship
programs. It might be worth looking into. I never realized they have
scholarship programs until I started working where I am now. The
school has a policy of having *at* *least* 10% of the student
population there on scholarship.
As for homeschooling, I've yet to figure out why people think you have
to have patience to home school. Goodness knows I often lose
patience. But I'm glad we chose this avenue. As difficult as it has
been, especially with OS, I hate to think where the kids might have
been, emotionally and socially, had they remained in public school.
If OS had kept going the direction he was headed in, we may have had
to have him institutionalized, as friends of ours are having to do
with their son this summer. By homeschooling, we could restrict the
number of changes in environs for him.
We were also able to deal more effectively with the fallout from the
bullies he suffered while in public school. While he was still in
public school, he surpressed his emotions from having to deal with the
bullies, then let it all out at home. It was not a good situation.
While dealing with all that emotional fallout, a lot of the emotions
came to the surface that he'd kept bottled up for years WRT his BM
leaving, then Chewy's next wife leaving, plus the couple of gf's Chewy
had had in the intervening years leaving. As the female who's
actually stuck it out, I got to catch all the emotional garbage when
it started dumping.
Now that he doesn't go through those spells as often nor as violently,
he's told me (in the midst of two of the spells) that I'm the only
person he trusts to deal with the emotions that come up, to stick it
out while he goes through this. As difficult as it is to go through
those spells with him, to me that's a huge thing. And as we go
through them, he's becoming better at talking things out *before* he
gets to explosion level.
Because of all the growth I've seen in the kids, especially OS, the
work it's taken to homeschool has been worth every grey hair. The
people I know who've started homeschooling when their children are
tiny have enough challenges as it is, but it's also easier for them to
get a routine going. Starting with kids who have issues (older,
blended family issues, emotional issues, etc) makes it more
challenging. The more issues there are, the more challenging it can
be. But I wouldn't go back and do it any other way.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
She has over-ride authority on educational decisions, doesn't she?
That totally sucks. I don't deal well with other people having
authority over what I can and cannot do for my kids.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
wrote:
>> I've seen it happen with other people's kids. It's something I hope
>> to never have to contend with personally.
>
>I've never had a visiting kid ask me if they could have something else.
There is one girl who comes here from time-to-time who asks what we're
having, reminds me that she's very finicky about food, that she
doesn't eat very many things, etc. I simply tell her to try what's on
the table and to eat what she can. As finicky as she claims to be,
I've never seen her leave my table without eating enough.
However, I've also babysat for kids who refuse to eat what's fixed
because "Mommy didn't cook it," or because it's not some boxed,
quick-fix stuff that doesn't find its way into my house.
>I recall one quite funny occation when some friends were having a meal with us
>and their youngest wouldn't eat it all up. The father insisted it all be
>eaten and the mother helped the child with his, by then, cold meal by eating
>every second spoonful for him. Yuck!
No "You need to eat because it's going to be a while before we eat
again?"
I've had to deal strictly with two children WRT dinner. They were
both children I was babysitting who decided to throw fits at the
table. Each time that happened, they wound up in the corner. But it
was the fit they threw that got them there, rather than the fact that
they were refusing to eat. I don't do fits.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
The summer will also give you time to work with SD w/o worrying abt
whether or not the school is working with you.
Geri and sometimes Brian
For the time-being.
~~Geri~~
.
Geri and sometimes Brian
>whether or not the school is working with you.
Yep. Although my main concern is how to get her to translate the good behavior
she has at home to school. At home she is more well-behaved than many "normal"
kids I have met.
~~Geri~~
.
n...@impactwp.com
"Em" <e...@helpfulelf.co.uk> wrote in message
news:433237ae.04052...@posting.google.com...
> "Amy Lou" <amyl...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
news:<Emwtc.13919$L.2...@news-server.bigpond.net.au>...
>
> <snip>
>
> >
> > I have a question. Does anyone here believe in the no dessert/sweets for
> > kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a
dessert
> > but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
> > rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
> > meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible
to
> > give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
>
> life I'm not happy with any food group becoming a 'reward group'. That's
> what happened to me and I think that sort of thing has a lot to answer
> for when people find their weight management difficult, and use certain
> foods as 'comfort foods', because they previously were given for 'good'
> behaviour.
>
> I also completely agree with Vicki about it potentially forcing children
> to overeat to get their treat. I don't think that teaches children to
> listen to their bodies and eat when they're hungry.
>
I struggle with the food thing occasionally with my daughter. We don't do
dessert as a rule, but if we are planning on having it, I don't do the
'finish your food' thing, although I do expect a certain amount eaten.
Usually, if she's had some of her chicken and potato say, but no carrot yet,
I'll expect her to eat some vegetable before getting the dessert. But I
won't insist on her finishing all of her food. I do try and encourage her to
decide when she's full, for the reasons above.
However, I do think the issue is more using food for reward and/or comfort.
I try very hard not to say 'if you're a good girl you can have a cake' but I
know I do it on occasion. Easy because she's usually good. I sometimes say
'hey, we both know I'm hoping to buy you a cake later, so let's not blow it
with bad behaviour because I'll have to change my mind'. Hopefully this puts
the slant on bad behaviour = no cake, rather than good behaviour = cake, but
who knows?
Also she will occasionally take a snack off me if upset and say 'this will
make me feel better' and that I do worry about. OK so it's often a rice cake
or a breadstick, not a cake or sweets (I just don't keep sweet things or
crisps (chips) in the house), but still.
What do you think?
Nikki
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
I've not got that problem with my kids. ITR, they are pretty typical.
They're such good kids with other people that folks don't understand
how I can get so frustrated with them at times. I just shrug and say,
"They're teens. You know how it goes."
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
sometimes Brian) wrote:
>>She has over-ride authority on educational decisions, doesn't she?
>
>For the time-being.
I wish you the best of luck in getting that revoked. It will make
SD's life run much more smoothly, IMO.
Geri and sometimes Brian
>SD's life run much more smoothly, IMO.
We are just giving some rope right now.
~~Geri~~
.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
>
>Also she will occasionally take a snack off me if upset and say 'this will
>make me feel better' and that I do worry about. OK so it's often a rice cake
>or a breadstick, not a cake or sweets (I just don't keep sweet things or
>crisps (chips) in the house), but still.
>
>What do you think?
Carbo-loading. Do some reading on how carbs affect the brain.
Wendy
> There is one girl who comes here from time-to-time who asks what we're
> having, reminds me that she's very finicky about food, that she
> doesn't eat very many things, etc. I simply tell her to try what's on
> the table and to eat what she can. As finicky as she claims to be,
> I've never seen her leave my table without eating enough.
My girls have a few friends who are selective about what they eat. More
often then not, they politely decline meals and claim they've already eaten.
They do that even before they know what we are having. I never worry about
it, because if they are really hungry, they'll ask for something, or my
daughter's will have a quiet word in my ear about said preferences.
Wendy
Wendy
No, I don't. I think meals should be about more than eating. Encourage
people to converse and put their cutlery down between bites, drink water as
Jess said, and make meals last because they are enjoyable and because people
take time to recognise they are full.
My parents used to ask us questions at the supper table - sometimes mental
arithmetic, sometimes view on political and social issues, and sometimes
we'd read a chapter of a book between courses, while the older ones cleared
the table, things like "The Incredible Journey", or poems like "The
Cremation of Sam Magee".
Wendy
Kim Scheinberg
>
>>I recall one quite funny occation when some friends were having a meal with us
>>and their youngest wouldn't eat it all up. The father insisted it all be
>>eaten and the mother helped the child with his, by then, cold meal by eating
>>every second spoonful for him. Yuck!
>
>No "You need to eat because it's going to be a while before we eat
>again?"
This whole conversation cracks me up.
When I was a kid, my dad used to bring home imported butter.
Obscenely good, affordable-only-a-case-at-a-time, Danish butter.
So occasionally we'd be at a friend's house, and they would
offer me a buttered bagel, and the butter would be, well, wrong.
I could taste that it wasn't Lurpak.
I'm 36 now. That was 30 years ago. I can name every store within
N miles that sells Lurpak. It's still the only butter I eat if
I'm eating something like a bagel, or toast. or buttered pasta.
I don't regret that my parents never "forced" me to like Hotel
Bar, or whatever. Motts apple sauce. Heinz ketchup. Hellmann's
mayonnaise. Barbecue sauce from a tiny place in Petaluma that
I have to shipped out here once every few months. Only Cote D'Or
chocolate.
I had weight problems from the time I hit puberty. But at some
point, I decided I wasn't going to eat food I didn't love. Life
is too short to eat Hersheys, or bad lasagne. I can take two bites
of a chocolate cake now and decide it's not good enough to merit
the calories I'll have to work off.
My weight problems stopped 7 years ago, right around the time I
started making these decisions. I'm sure, if I were the child of
quite a few of the posters here, you'd complain that I'm rigid,
that I don't have enough variety or flexibility in my diet.
But damn. When we visit friends, I don't make my kids hug someone
if it makes them uncomfy. And I sure won't make them eat food if
they don't like it just to be polite. Food is as personal a thing
as it gets. There's no rhyme or reason to the fact that I don't
like lobster. And if I were a guest in your home, I don't know
why you'd take it personally if I don't eat it when you serve it.
On the other hand, I don't ask my friends to cater to my kids'
tastes (or lack thereof) either. Nor to mine.
And I don't know what to say about parents who pretend to like
liver for years so their kids will, too. That sort of hypocrisy
just boggles my mind.
-k.
n...@impactwp.com
"Kim Scheinberg" <ki...@panix.com> wrote in message
news:c984cu$9cj$1...@panix3.panix.com...
<snip>
Barbecue sauce from a tiny place in Petaluma that
> I have to shipped out here once every few months. Only Cote D'Or
> chocolate.
Heh. Kim missed a word. Snicker.
Nikki
Lori
"_calinda_" <calinda...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2hnvn4F...@uni-berlin.de...
> Lori wrote:
> >
> > I agree with you, for the most part, but I was talking about young
> > children. For us, these battles were when our boys were
> considerably
> > younger than the age 7 and age 11 they are now.
>
> But the child in the OP's post is 10. I do think that children of
> that age can and do start to use their food as a control issue,
> sometimes. Again, I'm not saying all children, but some do and I
> think the need to look at whether this is a new issue for this child
> or not. If this is a relatively new thing for the child, then
> asking the question why might be in order. I've found out the hard
> way that trying to make a child eat against their will can be a
> recipe for disaster.
>
> Cal~
>
I can see if they are refusing to eat *anything*, being concerned. However,
when it is an issue of them refusing to eat what is served, but yet they
want to, for example, have dessert, or junk food snack later, no. If they
say they are hungry, they may have the nutritious food we are willing to
serve. A child who is hungry enough for treats is fully able to eat regular
food, first.
Lori
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.692 / Virus Database: 453 - Release Date: 5/29/04
Lori
"Geri and sometimes Brian" <gple...@aol.comGOBIGRED> wrote in message
news:20040528101355...@mb-m15.aol.com...
Although if your husband were to end up with custody...
Lori
> On Fri, 28 May 2004 13:58:12 GMT, "badgirl"
> <chgobadgi...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> >
> >I can't afford private school and I don't have the patience to home
> >educate him. I could do it with my daughter because she wants to
> >learn, with my son though he isn't interested and frankly I couldn't
> >deal with the battle of wills every day to get him to sit long enough
> >to do anything (BTDT over the summers, wasted effort IMO)
>
>
> Some private schools, especially Christian ones, have scholarship
> programs. It might be worth looking into. I never realized they have
> scholarship programs until I started working where I am now. The
> school has a policy of having *at* *least* 10% of the student
> population there on scholarship.
>
> As for homeschooling, I've yet to figure out why people think you have
> to have patience to home school. Goodness knows I often lose
> patience.
I know - I often just laugh when people say this, I am not the most patient
of persons, either, LOL! But over time, it does kind of sneak up on you.
It surprises me sometimes to realize that I've just patiently dealt with
something that a few years ago would have frustrated me to no end. :-)
But I'm glad we chose this avenue. As difficult as it has
> been, especially with OS, I hate to think where the kids might have
> been, emotionally and socially, had they remained in public school.
>
Same here.
> If OS had kept going the direction he was headed in, we may have had
> to have him institutionalized, as friends of ours are having to do
> with their son this summer. By homeschooling, we could restrict the
> number of changes in environs for him.
>
> We were also able to deal more effectively with the fallout from the
> bullies he suffered while in public school. While he was still in
> public school, he surpressed his emotions from having to deal with the
> bullies, then let it all out at home. It was not a good situation.
>
Again, same here. Life is much better for both our son and for my SS, with
them being homeschooled.
Melissa
>Lori
>
As it is Geri and Brian have been losing ground in court. I don't see them
getting custody anytime soon. Stranger things have happened of course.
Love,
Melissa
jane
>they can fix something else is that when you are guests at someone
>else's house, you run the risk of insulting your host(ess). Kids have
>to learn to deal with things like that. The best learning ground is
>at home. Then they don't run the risk of alienating a future
>friend/boss/business associate.
>
>
>Kitten
Yabbut, why not just teach them at home how not to insult the host? Lee is not
eating meat at anyone's house. What she has to learn is how to deal with that
in a social context, how to not eat the food and not insult the host.
I haven't eaten red meat in 30 years. It's not that complicated. You just
say, "thanks, no" to the meat course. Just teach the kids that at home.
jane
jane
>kids who don't polish off their main meal? I don't always provide a dessert
>but when I do its mostly a healthy one. I don't see the logic in the old
>rule of making the kid go without dessert if they don't like their main
>meal. I mean if they didn't eat their meat and vegies isn't it sensible to
>give them fruit and yoghurt rather than let them have nothing?
>
I don't understand the dessert concept. I've never served it, except at dinner
parties, and then I buy something. My position has always been: buy and serve
healthy food and let everyone choose what they like. Lee could have fruit and
yogurt for the main course if she wanted.
Now cake is a different matter. If I had a kid who skipped
protein/fiber/vitamin food to leave room for cake, I'd stop serving cake. But
I'm not playing Food Cop with anyone at any age.
jane
Kim Scheinberg
>
>My problem with telling them that if they don't like what's served,
>they can fix something else is that when you are guests at someone
>else's house, you run the risk of insulting your host(ess). Kids have
>to learn to deal with things like that. The best learning ground is
>at home. Then they don't run the risk of alienating a future
>friend/boss/business associate.
This question always seems to be in the context of, "host is serving
broccoli and kid doesn't like broccoli".
What if I go out and get McDonald's for my kids, and your kids know
that's off limits for them?
Mind you, I have a very different attitude than most people about all
this. The minute you walk in my door, you cease to be a guest. You
don't need to ask to get something from the fridge, or use my stove,
or whatever. And there are delivery menus lying around, too.
Nor do I expect people to cater to me when I'm in their homes (though
I will certainly respect that not everyone is as Open Home as I am).
I just don't see the big deal about declining food. I make a really
good risotto. But if you don't like risotto, or if it's even that you
don't like *my* risotto, so what? Am I supposed to personalize that?
Different tastes. Big deal.
-k.
jane
>make me feel better' and that I do worry about. OK so it's often a rice cake
>or a breadstick, not a cake or sweets (I just don't keep sweet things or
>crisps (chips) in the house), but still.
>
>What do you think?
I think she's probably right.
jane
>
>Nikki
Deborah M Riel
jane <janel...@aol.com> wrote:
>I don't understand the dessert concept. I've never served it, except at dinner
>parties, and then I buy something. My position has always been: buy and serve
>healthy food and let everyone choose what they like. Lee could have fruit and
>yogurt for the main course if she wanted.
Whereas I fully embrace the dessert concept. I love ice cream. I
love to bake. Dessert wraps things up nicely at the end of a meal for
me. The trick for me is portion control. I've made dessert dishes
for ice cream that only hold a half cup. It looks full to the brim,
and it's still only a half cup.
>Now cake is a different matter. If I had a kid who skipped
>protein/fiber/vitamin food to leave room for cake, I'd stop serving cake. But
>I'm not playing Food Cop with anyone at any age.
I guess if that's what was happening, I'd reluctantly stop serving
cake too. But not the ice cream. Never the ice cream.
>jane
Deb R.
jane
>I have to shipped out here once every few months.
What's that stuff you drink? You had a second refrigerator full of some
bottled bottled beverage because you could only get it somewhere. It was
outside the guest room in the old house.
jane
Geri and sometimes Brian
What planet are you on?
~~Geri~~
.
jane
>
>For the time-being.
>
>~~Geri~~
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Please, tell me you're not planning the *next* court
battle.
jane
Geri and sometimes Brian
>court
>battle.
>
giving the noose some slack.
~~Geri~~
.
Kim Scheinberg
jane
>We have some written in, which the school pretty much ignore. They have
>their
>"method" of doing things and they are resistant to stepping outside that mode
>and honoring the "individual" in IEP. Unfortunately, their method has led to
>worse behavior in SD at school.
You need an advocate.
jane
>~~Geri~~
Geri and sometimes Brian
>
What kind?
We have noticed that since we have the Department of Education investigating
this place, there have not been any more containments. Coincidentally, there
have been better behavior scores. Chicken or egg?
~~Geri~~
.
n...@impactwp.com
snip
> I just don't see the big deal about declining food. I make a really
> good risotto. But if you don't like risotto, or if it's even that you
> don't like *my* risotto, so what? Am I supposed to personalize that?
> Different tastes. Big deal.
>
> -k.
I second that. It's a very good risotto. But I have to admit for a serious
longing for your chicken, rice and peas.
Nikki
heather m.
imported chocolate and you make great italian food then I'll be your guest
any day.
Heather
"Kim Scheinberg" <ki...@panix.com> wrote in message
news:c9a81a$q19$1...@panix3.panix.com...
jane
>broccoli and kid doesn't like broccoli".
>
>What if I go out and get McDonald's for my kids, and your kids know
>that's off limits for them?
If I'm bringing home food, and Lee has a friend over, I always ask what she
eats. I can do kosher, vegetarian, vegan, organic, and even meat and potatoes.
I just have to know the deal. So I ask.
Now if someone walks in while we're eating that's a little different. I
remember once Lee's father brought home a friend and dinner time and he looked
down at the lentil stew with clear desperation. So I gave him ice cream. The
only thing we have that Lee's friends eat may be pickles, but I do try to stock
kosher dills, the universal food.
jane
>
>-k.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Subject: Re: Re: Finicky Step Son
>Path:
>lobby!ngtf-m01.news.aol.com!ngpeer.news.aol.com!feed2.newsreader.com!news
reader.com!newsfeed.media.kyoto-u.ac.jp!newsfeed.icl.net!newsfeed.news2me.
com!snoopy.risq.qc.ca!elk.ncren.net!news2.wam.umd.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu
!panix!panix3.panix.com!not
>-for-mail
>From: ki...@panix.com (Kim Scheinberg)
>Newsgroups: alt.support.step-parents
>Date: 29 May 2004 10:51:22 -0400
>Organization: Obiter dictum
>Lines: 29
>Message-ID: <c9a81a$q19$1...@panix3.panix.com>
>References: <c94016$u99$1...@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>
><20040527071112...@mb-m22.aol.com>
><shobb0149vepp8rol...@4ax.com>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: panix3.panix.com
>X-Trace: reader2.panix.com 1085842282 16144 166.84.1.3 (29 May 2004 14:51:22
>GMT)
>X-Complaints-To: ab...@panix.com
>NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 29 May 2004 14:51:22 +0000 (UTC)
>
jane
>Boylan's Black Cherry soda?
>
>-k.
That sounds right.
jane
jane
>and giving the noose some slack.
Great. Try that for a decade. Just to give it a fair chance.
jane
>~~Geri~~
jane
>>
>What kind?
An educational consultant. Here's a list. I don't know who's good in LA. I'd
ask around. Anyone the Special Ed office speaks of with extreme animosity
should be fine.
http://msp.sfsu.edu/intensive/cabaya/sites/Wings/resources_4/legalaid45.html
And this looks like the kind of thing you'd go for. Anyone these people speak
of with reverence should be fine.
http://www.a2zeducationaladvocates.com/PALs.html
jane
>~~Geri~~
jane
>longing for your chicken, rice and peas.
>
>Nikki
Which reminds me. I have never tasted either of kim's legendary dishes because
there is no way you can force me to eat rice. I'll eat fresh peas lightly
steamed or frozen peas lightly steamed and mixed into boxed white cheddar
shells mac & cheese. It has to be the tiny shells, though.
My problem is lima beans. What does one do when something unexpectedly
contains lima beans? I've missed the opportunity for "thanks, no." There's no
way I'm going to eat them. Meticulously picking them out is insulting. And if
I surrepticiously slip them into my lap, they'll find them when they do the
laundry. My best solution thusfar has been into the lap and switch napkins
with the person beside me when I get up.
jane
Deborah M Riel
jane <janel...@aol.com> wrote:
>My problem is lima beans. What does one do when something unexpectedly
>contains lima beans? I've missed the opportunity for "thanks, no." There's no
>way I'm going to eat them. Meticulously picking them out is insulting. And if
>I surrepticiously slip them into my lap, they'll find them when they do the
>laundry. My best solution thusfar has been into the lap and switch napkins
>with the person beside me when I get up.
>
>jane
Mmm, lima beans... I love lima beans.
How about saying they look delicious, but you've found that they give
you digestive problems and have to avoid them? No one wants to be
responsible for your possible digestive problems, I'm sure. If they
offer you some Beano, then you have your opportunity to say "no
thanks."
My biggest food problem came one day when a Chinese colleague invited
a group of us from the office over for a home cooked dinner. He
served jellyfish, and explained that in China it is a great honor to
offer jellyfish to your guests. Some of my coworkers said with
horror, "Ick! No way!" I couldn't do that, since I was clearly being
honored. I tried it. It was weird and awful. I proclaimed it
interesting, and unlike anything I had ever tasted before. Once I had
tasted it, I didn't feel the need to have seconds.
Deb R.
Kim Scheinberg
>>I second that. It's a very good risotto. But I have to admit for a serious
>>longing for your chicken, rice and peas.
>
>because there is no way you can force me to eat rice. I'll eat fresh
I'm sure, with a gun to Lee's head, you'd eat rice.
Having said that, I'll point out that risotto is, in fact, pasta.
-k.
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
Riel) wrote:
>My biggest food problem came one day when a Chinese colleague invited
>a group of us from the office over for a home cooked dinner. He
>served jellyfish, and explained that in China it is a great honor to
>offer jellyfish to your guests. Some of my coworkers said with
>horror, "Ick! No way!" I couldn't do that, since I was clearly being
>honored. I tried it. It was weird and awful. I proclaimed it
>interesting, and unlike anything I had ever tasted before. Once I had
>tasted it, I didn't feel the need to have seconds.
This is exactly what I'm talking about. You'd make a great guest in a
Southern home. :-)
YD is studying Japanese culture. One of the things we insist she
research is what is considered insulting and what is considered
complimentary. It is often regional. IIRC, in Japan it is
insulting to eat everything on your plate because it is an indication
that your host didn't fix enough food; while in China it is an insult
not to eat everything on your plate. (I may have the two switched.)
I grew up in the South, where dinner etiquette is apparently quite
different than where some of the rest of the NG live. It's like
manners. (Just had the manners discussion with a friend who was
raised up north.) Where she came from, it is considered rude and
insulting to use the terms "sir" and "ma'am" when addressing someone.
Where I grew up, it is considered rude and insulting *NOT* to use
them.
Kitten
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
True evangelical faith cannot lie dormant. It clothes the naked, feeds
the hungry, comforts the sorrowful, shelters the destitute. And serves
those who harm it. -- Menno Simons, 1539
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Courage, Real courage, is no quick fix. It doesn't come in a bottle
or a pill, It comes from discipline. From taking everything life hands
you and being your best either because of it or in spite of it.
-- Ty Murray
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
heather m.
> different than where some of the rest of the NG live. It's like
> manners. (Just had the manners discussion with a friend who was
> raised up north.) Where she came from, it is considered rude and
> insulting to use the terms "sir" and "ma'am" when addressing someone.
> Where I grew up, it is considered rude and insulting *NOT* to use
> them.
Where I'm from in GA it is hugely enforced in schools and it is here in AR
too.
Heather
Angie Reynolds
heather m. wrote:
> "Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <kittenN...@whitepine.com> wrote in
> message news:tqshb0lsd4448n17c...@4ax.com...
>
>>On Sat, 29 May 2004 18:48:28 +0000 (UTC), dr...@wpi.edu (Deborah M
>>
>>I grew up in the South, where dinner etiquette is apparently quite
>>different than where some of the rest of the NG live. It's like
>>manners. (Just had the manners discussion with a friend who was
>>raised up north.) Where she came from, it is considered rude and
>>insulting to use the terms "sir" and "ma'am" when addressing someone.
>>Where I grew up, it is considered rude and insulting *NOT* to use
>>them.
>
>
>
>
> Where I'm from in GA it is hugely enforced in schools and it is here in AR
> too.
>
> Heather
>
Yeah, I'm a preschool teacher and while ago they enforced a rule here in
AR that say children HAVE to address school officials as "ma'am" and "sir"
and say "Yes ma'am", "No ma'am", "Yes sir" and "no Sir". We have had
quite a few
problems with parents (of older kids especially) that say their kids do not
have to say that or have points or priviledges taken away because of NOT
saying
it. Most of those parents do come from out of state. They say that it's
offensive,
that their kids are not in the military. It's just the way they do
things in the South.
It's a sign of respect down here. *shrugs*
Angie
Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe
wrote:
>We have had
>quite a few
>problems with parents (of older kids especially) that say their kids do not
>have to say that or have points or priviledges taken away because of NOT
>saying
>it. Most of those parents do come from out of state. They say that it's
>offensive,
>that their kids are not in the military. It's just the way they do
>things in the South.
>It's a sign of respect down here. *shrugs*
Now imagine *marrying* someone from up north.
I was raised saying "Yes, ma'am," "No, ma'am," "Yes, sir," and "No,
sir." I've always taught YS with those manners.
Then I married a man who'd recently moved down from Wisconsin with his
two younger children in tow. It's taken most of 5 years 1) for Chewy
to realize that YS isn't being a disrespectful snot when he says "Yes,
sir," and 2) to teach OS and YD that *in* *the* *southern* *states*,
it is a requirement.
It's interesting when we go back to Wisconsin for family events.
Things that are taken as kids being rude down here are expected of
kids up there.
When we went up a year ago for OD's college graduation, at the party
after the graduation (the one and only thing OD's BM had done for her
college career), OS asked if he could have a 3rd soda. OD and Chewy's
mom seemed shocked that he asked, saying that he should just go up and
get another soda.
We don't do that down here on two counts. 1) It's courteous to make
sure there is enough for everyone the host/hostess is expecting before
you get more. 2) As a general rule, we drink water, tea, milk and
juice, not sodas.
I must admit that it's nice to have older folks in the area tell me
how much they appreciate our kids' politeness and respectfulness. I
appreciate hearing from people OS works with that he is a great kid
and a hard/willing/helpful worker (although I wish some of that would
rub off at home ;-) ) My kids may act like brats sometimes, but at
least they usually save it for home.
Geri and sometimes Brian
Ain't gonna happen. It will be within the year.
~~Geri~~
.
Geri and sometimes Brian
>too.
Too bad more places don't get that idea.
~~Geri~~
.