I have a new question...
Vicki Robinson
>How do you suggest to the CP that you think she should do something about
>her son's religious education?
>
>But how should we approach this subject with his mother? It's not like we
>think she'd have any reason to object, but it's kind of surprising that she
>hasn't made a step in this direction already.
>
When my ex and I were mediating our separation, one of the clauses in the
contract was about religion and religious education for our daughters. My ex
*never* goes to church, but counts himself a staunch Lutheran, and I go to
church every Sunday and am very active in my church. (My husband chose to
be baptized about 5 weeks before our wedding.) It was important to both of
us, and, even though we agreed about what we wanted for our girls, we put it
in.
Was your husband's divorce agreement done by a lawyer? Are you sure that the
agreement says nothing about religious education for your ss? You might want
to ask, because that answers the question if it shows up there. If not,
since your husband has a reasonable relationship with biomom, would it be
difficult for him to call her and discuss it? Since she's a church-goer
herself and comes from a "churchy" family, wouldn't she be likely to be able
to discuss the issue calmly?
Vicki
--
Vicki Robinson
<blink><a href="http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/binky.html">BINKY!</a></blink>
Visit my home page at <a href="http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts"> Vicki's Home Page
</a> and sign my guest book. Millions have!
lilblakdog
her son's religious education?
My stepson's maternal grandfather is a minister. His mom goes to church
every Sunday. My stepson, however, has no idea who Jesus is and is even
more lost on the idea of God.
Now I am not an overly religious person. However, I went through several
years of Sunday school and church and read The Bible from cover to cover
before I made the decision myself that I didn't need the help of a minister
to be a spiritual and good person. DH is probably a little more religious
than I am and also went through the whole Sunday school/church regime. He
agrees that his son should have some sort of religious foundation.
As a parent, I'd want to give my child every advantage I can and that
includes the Sunday school basics. That way he will have the fundamentals
for making his own informed decisions and--so long as he's a good
person--DH and I will accept whatever decision he makes. We'd like my
stepson to have that same chance.
I just took out a Hannah-Barbara movie called, "The Nativity", thinking it
was as good a place as any to start. It's a cartoon...it has action,
adventure, a hero and a bad guy. Seemed like as good a place as any to
start.
But how should we approach this subject with his mother? It's not like we
think she'd have any reason to object, but it's kind of surprising that she
hasn't made a step in this direction already.
lil
janelaw
>
> How do you suggest to the CP that you think she should do something about
> her son's religious education?
>
>
you thought she should do about anything, she would ask. She's
being resistant about the journal, the email, and the quizzing
already. The very last thing you should do right now is bring
up something else you think SHE should do in HER home.
Even if the situation were different, I would still think that
you should handle SS's lack of religious education by dragging
DH out of bed and going to church as a family. You can
familiarize SS with Jesus and christian tradition in YOUR home.
I have to tag two quick answers to your other posts in here:
I agree with what northrwmn said about your SS's situation. I
would also try to feel out his step-father on the issue this
weekend.
Also, how did his hair get to be bright orange? (not
criticizing, my 11 yo's recognition award this year was for most
creative hair)
Jane
lilblakdog
janelaw <jan...@excite.com> wrote in article
<35E2E5ED...@excite.com>...
> Also, how did his hair get to be bright orange? (not
> criticizing, my 11 yo's recognition award this year was for most
> creative hair)
<giggle>
SS's hair is naturally bright orange! He came out that way and it's
darkened a teeny bit over the years, but basically it's still bright
orange.
DH is a very dark brown with a hint of auburn and biomom is a strawberry
blonde.
My hair, on the other hand, is 1/4" long (except for the long bangs and
tail in the back) and currently a colour called "blueberry"!
Go figure?
lil
Lady Sundae
: How do you suggest to the CP that you think she should do something about
: her son's religious education?
It is possible that the CP does not share your religious beliefs.
Religion is a deeply personal thing. My stepchildren go to church
when they are with their mother. They don't when they are with us.
They have learned more about what is right and wrong in our house
than at home. This is a very touchy subject with both parents.
Our children were told that their father and I were evil because
we lived together before we got married. In fact, we take them to
some of their church related functions and no one from that church
will even say hello to me.
This church is associated with the school the children attend.
This school advocates lying through the underhanded way they
handle their annual book-a-thon. The children are not required
to read all of a book for it to count. If they read 30 pages,
it counts as reading the book even though the book isn't
finished. My husband and I find that to be reprehensible and
no longer pledge money for books. (You should have seen my
face when I found out that they weren't actually reading
entire books.) They have taught our kids it is okay to be
dishonest if it is for a "good" cause. Thanks, but I don't
think that attitude is doing them any good.
So, we don't take them to church but we spend a lot of
time making sure they know right from wrong and that you
should treat others the way you want to be treated.
CP has never said anything to us about religion. I think
she knows better. Things have not been the same since she
told them I was evil and mean. We all learned the hard
way about that one.
Just my $.02,
Louise
lilblakdog
Lady Sundae <lsu...@user2.teleport.com> wrote in article
<zvCE1.154$f01....@news.teleport.com>...
> It is possible that the CP does not share your religious beliefs.
> Religion is a deeply personal thing.
Well, I could understand that if she wasn't religious herself. But she is
*very* religious. I suppose she and my husband never hammered any of this
out in the custody agreement because he assumed that things would continue
as they'd started...she'd been the one to make the decision to Christen my
stepson and she went to (and still does) go to church on the weekend. It
only seemed logical that when my stepson got a little older (since he was
only 9 mos when they split)--if she was still going to church--she would
enroll him in Sunday school.
My husband is fairly certain it's a matter of, "C, do you want to come with
Momma to church?" and my stepson wanting to stay home and watch cartoons.
It's basically her approach with everything...potty training, dressing
himself, cutting up his food, doing homework, etc. What kid would choose
to put on fancy clothes and sit still in a Sunday school for a couple of
hours when the option is sitting in front of the television in his pjs till
Momma comes home? Like everything else, she more than likely simply
doesn't think he's ready for it yet. Which is silly because he's eight,
but she's entitled to her opinion.
I think that, as his father, DH *should* be involved in the decision about
how his son is raised, religion-wise. And since they went into this in
full agreement of a casually religious upbringing, so long as the mother
hasn't seemed to have changed her opinion, Sunday school should be their
next logical step. If she doesn't think that he's ready, then DH should be
able to discuss that with her and come up with some sort of timeline for
when they agree that he might be ready. He should at least be entitled to
know her reasons for not wanted to take him.
I wouldn't lump this is with other rules or activities (biodad doesn't
approve of teen movies for his son so biomom shouldn't let him watch them
when she's with her, etc). I think this is a seperate area that both
parents should discuss and agree on. No one can force her to take her son
to church, of course, but I do think that DH should make his feelings
known.
lil
SoccerStepMom
Blueberry?!?!? Oh, goodness! Please, please post a picture! This I
gotta see - we are obviously too boring here in Georgia! SSM
Northrnwmn
>how his son is raised, religion-wise. And since they went into this in
>full agreement of a casually religious upbringing, so long as the mother
>hasn't seemed to have changed her opinion, Sunday school should be their next
logical step.
Lil:
I hate to be a downer but who's opinion is this this, really? As you said so
yourself, your *husband* should be involved in the decision re:his son and
religion. So why isn't your husband?
I honestly believe that he needs to be the one in your relationship making
those decisions with the bio-mom. I don't mean to down-play the importance of
step-moms and their roles but we also need to back off sometimes. As much as
you obviously love your SS, I think that you need to allow your husband to
pursue this issue if he, indeed, believes that it is an issue.
Just my opinion.
Sandy
PS...Your hair and mine would look smashing together....I just hennaed it
bright red!
Vicki Robinson
>
>Am I allowed to post JPEGs? How about anybody who wants to see a photo can
>e-mail me! :-)
>
NO! But you know that. :-)
>I'll get DH to take a photo with my digital camera tonight and send it to
>you, SSM. We ended up getting the portrait done today, but the whole
>"blueberry" effect doesn't come through very clearly on the proofs!
Send it to me, I'll put it up on a web page for you.
I wanna see this too.
Vicki
--
Visit our wedding at http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/wedding.html and
sign our guest book! The alt.folklore.urban FAQ and archive can
be found at http://www.urbanlegends.com. Take a look, if you
have a week to spare.
lilblakdog
Northrnwmn <north...@aol.com> wrote in article
<199808252343...@ladder03.news.aol.com>...
> I hate to be a downer but who's opinion is this this, really? As you said
so
> yourself, your *husband* should be involved in the decision re:his son
and
> religion. So why isn't your husband?
Actually it is my husband's. I don't remember how the whole thing came
up...I think it was when I got my nativity scene out last year. I showed
my stepson the baby Jesus piece (which is a little mouse in pjs and really
kind of cute) and said something like, "You know who Jesus is, right?"
Well, I probably would have blown that one off when he said no, but DH was
kind of upset. He was the one who wanted his ex to start taking his son to
church with her. Me, I figure he can do without the whole church
experience. I'd prefer to read him Bible stories at home (which is what I
intend to do with our kids).
The reason why it looks like it's coming from me is because DH says to his
son, "Next time Momma's going to church, tell her you want to go with her."
My guess is his son didn't. So he wants to talk to his ex about it but he
doesn't know how. Since I'm the one who comes on here, I thought I'd ask
if anybody has any opinions. DH is not much for asking for advice.
I can positively guarantee that my personal feeling are *not* involved this
time! I've seen far too many kids come out of Sunday schools (please note
that I'm aware that not all Sunday schools are the same) and don't want to
play with so-and-so because she's not a Christian. I swear, that's exactly
the way my cousin's kids think (they've told me)...not really what I'd
prefer for my stepson. I'd like him to have the basics down, but I'd
prefer it was done at home.
lil
lilblakdog
SoccerStepMom <soccer...@hotmail.com> wrote in article
<35E306...@hotmail.com>...
> Blueberry?!?!? Oh, goodness! Please, please post a picture! This I
> gotta see - we are obviously too boring here in Georgia! SSM
Am I allowed to post JPEGs? How about anybody who wants to see a photo can
e-mail me! :-)
I'll get DH to take a photo with my digital camera tonight and send it to
you, SSM. We ended up getting the portrait done today, but the whole
"blueberry" effect doesn't come through very clearly on the proofs!
lil
janelaw
>
> PS...Your hair and mine would look smashing together....I just hennaed it
> bright red!
Just before Mother's Day the two girls and I dyed our hair. I
was a bonding thing, you had to be there. It was supposed to
last 4 to 6 weeks. The girls were purple and black, and I was
green. They went swimming the next day, and all the color
washed out. Guess who's still got sea green strands running
through her hair.
SoccerStepMom
> >e-mail me! :-)
> >
>
> >I'll get DH to take a photo with my digital camera tonight and send it to
> >you, SSM. We ended up getting the portrait done today, but the whole
> >"blueberry" effect doesn't come through very clearly on the proofs!
>
>
> I wanna see this too.
>
> Vicki
> --
> Visit our wedding at http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/wedding.html and
> sign our guest book! The alt.folklore.urban FAQ and archive can
> have a week to spare.
She e-mailed me, and it's very beautiful (so is she)! It's basically
black with purple/blueish highlights. I must say, I was expecting
smurfs (couldn't believe it, but that's what I pictured when I heard
blueberry). Instead, it's a lovely, stylish color and the cut is
dynamite. Thanks for sharing it, lil! SSM
lilblakdog
with her. She was floored...she couldn't believe he cared!
She said that she had taken him once in awhile but wasn't too concerned
about it if he didn't ask or if nothing special was going on. But if DH
really felt strongly about it, she had no problem with taking him more
often.
Again...go figure?
lil
BTW...this evening she typed out and e-mailed to us every page from his
activity book! And we bought him a new "our house" journal. And things
quietly settle back down to normal....
lilblakdog
SoccerStepMom <soccer...@hotmail.com> wrote in article
> She e-mailed me, and it's very beautiful (so is she)!
That's sweet...thank you! I had the haircut done because I was sick of
wasting time on it (not to mention the money!), only to sit around the
house all day by myself. I thought if it was too awful it would be grown
out by the end of summer. I like it, though, and just had it redone the
other day.
I'm generally horribly unphotogenic, though. I'm not crazy about any of
the pictures that they took today! It took me about five tries to get the
one I sent you! :-)
lil
Vicki Robinson
>Vicki Robinson wrote:
>>
>> Send it to me, I'll put it up on a web page for you.
>>
>> I wanna see this too.
>>
>She e-mailed me, and it's very beautiful (so is she)! It's basically
>black with purple/blueish highlights. I must say, I was expecting
>smurfs (couldn't believe it, but that's what I pictured when I heard
>blueberry). Instead, it's a lovely, stylish color and the cut is
>dynamite. Thanks for sharing it, lil! SSM
I agree, and now the rest of you can too!
Making good on my threat (above, so don't tell me you didn't know,
lil!) everyone can get a gander at our lilblakdog at
http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/lil.jpg
For a limited time only!
Donna L. Cornwell
he should take the child himself. He can read him bible stories, talk with him
about his own religious beliefs and take him to services. If he can't be
bothered, then tough. He can't raise his son by whining to you to nag his ex.
Donna
the SUBurban Nightmare
lilblakdog
Vicki Robinson <vjr...@canoe.xcski.com> wrote in article
<6s0vlu$rg0$1...@canoe.xcski.com>...
> Making good on my threat (above, so don't tell me you didn't know,
> lil!) everyone can get a gander at our lilblakdog at
>
> http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/lil.jpg
ROTFL!!!
Sigh...I was afraid of that!
lil
Northrnwmn
>Just before Mother's Day the two girls and I dyed our hair. I
>was a bonding thing, you had to be there. It was supposed to
>last 4 to 6 weeks. The girls were purple and black, and I was
>green. They went swimming the next day, and all the color
>washed out. Guess who's still got sea green strands running
>through her hair.
ROFLMAO Jane!!!! We certainly are a colourful group!!!
By the way Lil, (I'm sure you're reading!) I e-mailed you before I saw the post
with the website with your pic. It's great!
Funny thing...my hubby took one look and said "She's Canadian?" The Sunlight
bottle tipped him off he said. You are a fellow canuck, aren't you?
Northrnwmn
the activity book.
Sandy
lilblakdog
Northrnwmn <north...@aol.com> wrote in article
<199808270100...@ladder01.news.aol.com>...
> Funny thing...my hubby took one look and said "She's Canadian?" The
Sunlight
> bottle tipped him off he said. You are a fellow canuck, aren't you?
LOL! I was glad DH just finished cleaning the kitchen...it's the only room
with a light that I can sit directly under!
Yup, I'm a Canadian...born and raised just outside Vancouver, British
Columbia. Where are you?
lil
Northrnwmn
Living in the "near north" in Ontario (around North Bay) out in the middle of
the forest. Log home, a few dogs and cats and a greenhouse. It was our dream
come true.
BC is a beautiful province; I have a brother there and a sister next door in
Calgary.
Sandy
Vicki Robinson
One of my mothers-in-law lives on Vancouver Island, along with my BIL
and SIL and their kids. One of these days we'll get all six of us out
there; the problem is logistics. We live in Rochester, NY with my
kids. My SK live in Quebec, about 45 minutes outside of Ottawa. The
idea of driving with 4 easily-bored kids from Rochester to Quebec to
Vancouver Island and back again, and being able to squeeze in any fun
during the 20 minutes we'd have left in a two-week vacation... that's
scary. But the costs of *flying* all six of us are prohibitive.
:-(
The other MIL and FIL live in Whitby, Ontario, only a 4 hour drive
from here, so we meet them now and again for lunch in Niagara Falls.
Vicki (Canadian by injection)
Wakanyeja Makah
>
>Sigh...I was afraid of that!
>
>lil
Love the hair!
W. Makah