Okay, got a new one
rebecca
Holy crap. I barely know anything about being a stepparent, I know
_nothing_ about being an adult stepchild. Haven't even met the woman yet,
she's about 5-6 years older than my oldest sister. <Snicker.> Same age as
my SO. <Giggle.> YOUNGER than my sister's husband. <Snort.> [Okay Jane,
keep reading, I'll stop.]
I am so not sure how to feel about this.
rebecca
jane
>
>rebecca
Rising about the bait...
Can you get any kind of a handle on how you *do* feel about it?
jane
Wendy
"rebecca" <justre...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:iBWWb.1899$tL3....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> My father just announced he's getting remarried.
>
> Holy crap. I barely know anything about being a stepparent, I know
> _nothing_ about being an adult stepchild. Haven't even met the woman yet,
> she's about 5-6 years older than my oldest sister. <Snicker.> Same age
as
> my SO. <Giggle.> YOUNGER than my sister's husband. <Snort.> [Okay
Jane,
> keep reading, I'll stop.]
Why do you think you are focussing on how old she is? When are you going
to get to meet her?
Wendy
Melissa
You know what? It's going to be weird for everyone for awhile, and that's OK.
Just accept that right up front.
You actually have more of an idea about how to deal with this than you think.
You've been the new SM coming into a family still mourning over their giant
loss.
It will be OK, just weird at first. And who knows, you may end up really
liking each other.
Love,
Melissa
"The old Tom didn't poison your fish either!"
-Carson Kressley, from Queer Eye
rebecca
"jane" <janel...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040212234126...@mb-m04.aol.com...
Oh, I really want him to be happy. He's a nice guy. I don't want him to
waste away missing my mom, he's the only parent I've got left. And he does
suck by himself, he's totally helpless. But they're going to sell their
homes and buy a new one. (An idea I've blessed with him, I think it's the
right thing to do.) It's just that I grew up in that house, and my mom is
really everywhere there, so it feels a little bit like losing her again, I
guess. So there's all that, plus the added horribility (is that a word? I
like it) of forming a step relationship from the other side. Jeez, it was
hard enough doing it as the parent. Isn't that awful? We're entering year
2 of our latest court crap, in trial for everything, and now all of the
sudden here's my nice old dad, who has been so unhappy, who is so pleased
that this hot young chick wants to marry him, he just wants us all to like
her so much. Several family members have already called me expressing
concern about money issues, I'm sort of weirded out about him loving someone
who isn't my mom, and he's talking about asking me to perform the ceremony
for them. Ack. I'm happy and pleased for him, I really am. But I'm also
upset and sad, my own life is pretty tumultuous at the momen, and I miss my
mom like crazy.
There you go, now I'm more confused than I was before.
rebecca
rebecca
"Wendy" <we...@hundredakerwood.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:c0hvap$as2$1...@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
>
>
> Why do you think you are focussing on how old she is? When are you going
> to get to meet her?
Oh, I don't know. I guess if age differences bothered me that much, I
wouldn't have such a big one in my own relationship. Just a kick realizing
my 67 yo father is attractive to someone so much younger, I guess. In a
sick, very non-feminist kind of way, I'm sorta proud of the studly old guy.
(ducks waiting for the flames)
rebecca
Anne Robotti
wrote:
>
> But they're going to sell their
>homes and buy a new one. (An idea I've blessed with him, I think it's the
>right thing to do.) It's just that I grew up in that house, and my mom is
>really everywhere there, so it feels a little bit like losing her again, I
>guess.
>So there's all that, plus the added horribility (is that a word? I
>like it) of forming a step relationship from the other side.
Right, but Rebecca, he sounds like a great guy. And he's not fragile
anymore. You can tell him these things. You can say, "I'm so happy for
you, and I mean that, but it's all just making me miss Mom so much. I
have to take some of this at my own pace." You can say to her, "I know
none of this has anything to do with my Mom. I have really bad
experience with 'step' relationships, and I want to think of you as a
friend."
They're not children. They've *got* to know that people have mixed
feelings, and I bet a little honestly all 'round would be a breath of
fresh air to both of them.
Don't protect them, it's not necessary.
Anne
The Watsons
"rebecca" <justre...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:iBWWb.1899$tL3....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
my opinion? yeah, technically, you're her stepdaughter, but you're also an
adult...i'd settle for relating to her as your father's fiance/new spouse
and seeing if it goes from there....
if you don't mind, i'll toss this one out to mike-he was older when his
mother married the last time. and he might have a different take on it...:)
Jess
The Watsons
> Oh, I don't know. I guess if age differences bothered me that much, I
> wouldn't have such a big one in my own relationship. Just a kick
realizing
> my 67 yo father is attractive to someone so much younger, I guess. In a
> sick, very non-feminist kind of way, I'm sorta proud of the studly old
guy.
is this a quiet, under the breath "go dad" kinda moment? ;D
Jess
WhansaMi
I agree with this. I don't see any need for a "step-mother" role to come into
this at all. She will be your father's wife. You'll either like her (knock
wood) or you will be kind and polite to her because she makes your dad happy.
Remember, it is the men who were *happily* married who are most likely to
remarried within a couple of years of their wife's death. The have positive
experiences and positive memories of what it is like to be happy with a mate.
In many ways, this is a true testament to your mother and the love they had,
that he thinks of marriage so positively.
Sheila
rebecca
"The Watsons" <warped...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:AchXb.16660$IF1.9598@fed1read01...
>
>
> if you don't mind, i'll toss this one out to mike-he was older when his
> mother married the last time. and he might have a different take on
it...:)
oh sure, no problem.
rebecca
rebecca
"WhansaMi" <whan...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040213231630...@mb-m21.aol.com...
> Remember, it is the men who were *happily* married who are most likely to
> remarried within a couple of years of their wife's death. The have
positive
> experiences and positive memories of what it is like to be happy with a
mate.
> In many ways, this is a true testament to your mother and the love they
had,
> that he thinks of marriage so positively.
>
thanks, that's a nice way of looking at it.
rebecca
The Watsons
"rebecca" <justre...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:iBWWb.1899$tL3....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
>
> Holy crap. I barely know anything about being a stepparent, I know
> _nothing_ about being an adult stepchild. Haven't even met the woman yet,
> she's about 5-6 years older than my oldest sister. <Snicker.> Same age
as
> my SO. <Giggle.> YOUNGER than my sister's husband. <Snort.> [Okay
Jane,
> keep reading, I'll stop.]
mike's comment is that dad3 is his mom's husband, and more of a friend than
of an actual stepfather...:)
Jess
Wendy
> Oh, I don't know. I guess if age differences bothered me that much, I
> wouldn't have such a big one in my own relationship
How big is your and your partner's age difference? There were 8 years
between my ex and I, but with Barclay it's 2 years.
> Just a kick realizing
> my 67 yo father is attractive to someone so much younger, I guess. In a
> sick, very non-feminist kind of way, I'm sorta proud of the studly old
guy.
We were out at a friend's last night. His new partner is over 15 years his
junior, but I don't think that it matters. OTOH, my Mum is 8 years younger
than Dad, and the difference in age is more noticeable now than once upon a
time (Mum is 77 and Dad 85).
Wendy
jane
>upset and sad, my own life is pretty tumultuous at the momen, and I miss my
>mom like crazy.
>
>There you go, now I'm more confused than I was before.
That's always a good sign.
I think there will always be stuff that pleases us but freshens our grief.
When Lee got her report card, it broke my heart that I couldn't tell my mother.
She's been dead over 8 years.
What works for me is to acknowledge and deal with both. I've got to sob about
missing my mother, and I've got to celebrate the report card. As long as I'm
honest with myself and I give both their due, the one doesn't poison the other.
I agree with Anne, too, I'm honest with other people about it, too. Somewhere
in all "I'm so pround of you"s I told Lee that I was sad I couldn't tell my
mother.
jane
>
>rebecca
rebecca
>
> "rebecca" <justre...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:IW8Xb.2632$tL3....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
>
> > Oh, I don't know. I guess if age differences bothered me that much, I
> > wouldn't have such a big one in my own relationship
>
> How big is your and your partner's age difference? There were 8 years
> between my ex and I, but with Barclay it's 2 years.
I'm 35, he's 47. Most times I don't think much of it, but it comes up for
us sometimes, we're basically different generations. Although my father is
old enough (barely) to be his father. And, apparently, he's the same age as
my stepmother-to-be... sorry, I don't know why I find that so funny. (I'd
snort about it, but I'm trying to be sensistive to Jane's obsessive neuroses
about parentheticals.)
You know, a friend of mine married a guy with kids _her_ age. They call her
mom as a joke, but holy cow, how weird would that be?
rebecca
The Watsons
> I'm 35, he's 47. Most times I don't think much of it, but it comes up for
> us sometimes, we're basically different generations. Although my father
is
> old enough (barely) to be his father. And, apparently, he's the same age
as
> my stepmother-to-be... sorry, I don't know why I find that so funny. (I'd
> snort about it, but I'm trying to be sensistive to Jane's obsessive
neuroses
> about parentheticals.)
>
> You know, a friend of mine married a guy with kids _her_ age. They call
her
> mom as a joke, but holy cow, how weird would that be?
*shrugs* i always found it amusing that i was right in the middle of tim and
sunshine...tho' i have a niece that's weirded out every so often my having
an aunt about eight years older than her...:D
Jess
Melissa
>mom as a joke, but holy cow, how weird would that be?
>
>rebecca
>
I'm only 9 years older than my SD. Oddly enough it has never been an issue
between the two of us, but I once had a dream where we were pregnant at the
same time and just realizing that this was possible freaked me out.
_calinda_
>> You know, a friend of mine married a guy with kids _her_ age.
They
>> call her mom as a joke, but holy cow, how weird would that be?
>>
>> rebecca
My 11 y/o niece is an Aunt to adults- early to mid twenties.. My
sister was 29 and the father was late fifties/early sixty's. his
daughters are older than my sister. It was difficult for most of
them, until they realized that my sister wasn't after their dad's
money.
They all get along well now.
Cal~