Since it's soo dead in here
rebecca
for everyone?
We've just gotten back from our annual camping trip. For at least a month
before going, SS has been telling me that he needs blue jeans for the trip.
Well, number 1, I've resigned from the post as clothing monitor due to BM's
continual inability to return any of the clothes we have here, while
expecting instantaneous return of anything from her house. Number 2, I do
happen to remember that his blue jeans went to BM's last spring and never
came home again.
So my response was "well, sweetie, your jeans are at your mom's. If you
want them, bring them back." Which progressed to "if you can't find them,
maybe your mom will let you wear jeans to school on Friday, then you'll have
some for the trip." I think he was surprised I didn't just jump up and run
out to buy him some new ones... lol.
Anyhoo, SO finally caught a clue that this was going on, and sent a note
over. And amazingly enough, they showed up~ with SS saying "mom couldn't
find a marking, but this is the only pair she didn't recognize" (Of course,
I look on the tag and the mark we use is right fricking there, but I
digress...) Then he runs upstairs and comes down with his arms full of
every white t-shirt he owns. Hm. "Oh, mom says I have to bring all of my
black and white clothes to her house, so I can wear them to school for
dance. Oh, and all my black sweats, too." Mind you, these are clothes _we_
purchased that she's instructing him to bring.
But, had she asked politely, it would have been a reasonable request (who
the hell wants to own a ton of white t-shirts and black pants, anyway?) So
I ran out to the store and bought a new pair of sweats and a new t-shirt.
We kept the new ones, and sent all his old stuff to his mom's.
SO sent a note asking her to contact him next time she wanted him to provide
clothing for her home, instead of using SS as a go-between. And got no
response, which is what always happens when she does something crappy.
Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough to
be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
houses?
rebecca
Vicki Robinson
>Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough to
>be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
>houses?
>
My kids are 20 and 17. They'll get it soon, I have faith.
No, actually this was never a problem for us because all of their
clothing was here. They took whatever they wanted to his house on
Fridays for the weekend and brought it back on Sunday. It was easy
because *everything* came back. They just stuffed it all back in their
bags. On Wednesday nights they wore whatever they had on at school,
and on Thursday morning he dropped them off in time to change for school.
(They didn't like taking their Thursday clothing to school on Wednesday.)
They had pajamas at his house, hairbrushes and toothbrushes, contact
lens care items and all that at his house.
It was never a problem.
Vicki
--
Power may be justly compared to a great river; while kept within its
bounds it is both beautiful and useful, but when it overflows its banks,
it is then too impetuous to be stemmed; it bears down all before it,
and brings destruction and desolation wherever it goes." -- Alexander Hamilton.
* Calinda *
> Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old
> enough to be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes
> organized across houses?
>
> rebecca
How old is he, 9? And how much time does he spend at each house? (I get
confused.
He will, at some point, care about what he brings to and from each house,
though for boys that may be later, than for girls.
Hopefully, at some point, BM will stop looking at it as "the clothes she
bought" and instead think of it as "His clothes". As he gets older, and
starts taking responsibility for them, this will be easier.
My kids were older, and since they were never given any private space at
all at their dad's house, it was never a consideration to do anything
other than pack a suitcase as if the were visiting anywhere else, and
bring that suitcase back again. If he's moving back and forth fairly
50/50, this gets harder, but you can start the process on your own by
giving him responsibility over his clothing.
One way to have him start being responsible is to start teaching him how
to do laundry (with you, at this stage.. though by twelve my daughter was
solely responsible for her own.) I started off by making a sheet that I
hung in the laundry area, explaining how to sort clothes, how to decide
what to use for detergent, how to add softener, etc. then I had a chart
on how to decide what temperature and settings on the machines to use.
Then we did all that together, under a watchful eye.
They already knew how to fold laundry, as they had been responsible for
folding their own for a long time. Honestly.. my kids will refuse my
help, if I offer. They have their own preferences now on how and when to
do laundry. Sure, at this age, they aren't folding their laundry as I
would, but they also don't harangue me about where their white shirt is,
for example.
Also, he can be responsible for packing his suitcases whenever he goes
anywhere, by giving him a list and having him double check his lists.
Don't pack it for him.. (in the early stages, check it, but once you see
he's got the idea, let him be..).
At some point, he will realize he has a choice in what he wants to wear,
and won't want to be dictated by who bought it for him. But the adults
in this situation have to be ready to give over that control to him.
THAT is the stickler.. will you, SO and BM be so caught up in who paid
for what, that he won't be given that control? All it takes is one of
the three of you to resist to put a kink in that plan. From what you've
said in the past.. sounds to me like the BM may be that kink.. but maybe
not.
Good luck.
Cal~
Lee
rebecca wrote:
> Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough to
> be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
> houses?
>
> rebecca
>
>
For us, it ended up being, coincidentally, when oldest SD stopped
growing out of her clothes. She was about 15. Before that, we needed to
make sure that clothes that might be used for the younger girls stayed
here instead of going to BM's house for them to grow into there. Oldest
SD went from having her mom pack her clothes (long after the time she
would have prefered to make her own clothing selections) to SD packing
her own clothes and being in charge of taking other-house-stuff back, to
the current situation where, at least as far as we are concerned, her
clothes and her stuff are her clothes and her stuff. She tranports it
freely between houses (well, she transports this house stuff freely, and
other house stuff much less freely, but you get the point). We let her
know if she needs to bring a certain type of clothing, and we let her
know if she doesn't have enough clothes here for extended visitation. A
lot of things go to her other house and we never see it again. Oh, well
- it's her stuff. If she doesn't have enough clothing or things to do
down here becasue everything's at her other house, well, too bad for
her. We haven't had too many problems.
Middle SD (12) has for some time now been occasionally taking favorite
clothes and things to her other house. The rule is she has to keep track
of it and bring it back the next time she comes to our house. The
general idea is that this will help teach her responsibility. She's
pretty good about it. We're thinking of dropping the rope on this one
pretty soon and letting her live and learn when she doesn't have what
she needs or wants here.
Lee
jane
>Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough to
>be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
>houses?
>
>rebecca
Depends on what you mean. If you mean having the clothing he needs for what
he's supposed to do 90% of the time, 12ish. If you mean knowing where
everything is and being able to find it, never.
jane
S&W
news:x%V5d.11303$gG4....@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough
to
> be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
> houses?
Good question.
Britt is 12 and she never knows where her clothes are-- her mom's house or
here. It drives me crazy. At one point this summer, after I had spent the
budget limit on summer clothes for the girls, Britt tells me she has no
shorts. She claimed they were not at her mom's house, but they weren't here
either. I still have no clue where they disappeared to, but I have a strong
feeling that they are at her mom's house. The same thing with her jeans
already this school year. I don't get it, and I'm done caring about it.
Her mom now lives about a mile away from us, so she can ride her bike, walk,
call her mom... she can get her clothes some how, and it wouldn't be
difficult.
For us, the difference between our houses is that we consider Britt's
clothes her own clothes. She's responsible for them. Her mom likes
everything she buys for Britt to stay at her house. What happens is that
Britt wears clothes we bought to her mom's, leaves them there and wears
something her mom bought for her home to us, which she makes sure to take
back to her mom's house. Now she's short on clothing here.
With Paige, we've never had a problem because she packs a bag to go to her
dad's house. She did, however, forget her soccer shorts at her dad's this
past week and had mismatched shorts from the rest of her team yesterday.
Again, that is her responsibility now that she is 14.
SS is 9, right? I think we were beginning to give up the fight arount that
age. I absolutely hate the battles over clothes. It just seems like it
should be so trivial, but it's totally not. I still get that boiling
feeling happening inside me when Britt says she has nothing to wear, or when
I see her wearing *one pair* of pants the whole week. I just ignore it.
shay
rebecca
"S&W" <shan...@excite.com> wrote in message
news:10lgjut...@corp.supernews.com...
> here. It drives me crazy. At one point this summer, after I had spent
the
> budget limit on summer clothes for the girls, Britt tells me she has no
> shorts.
Okay, maybe here's something I can use to help. What's a reasonable amount
of clothing to keep on hand for a kid? Maybe if I get that, then build in a
_small_ cushion for the magical vanishing mommy clothes, I wouldn't feel so
aggravated all the time. Um, he's here overnight somewhere between 1/4 and
1/3 of the time, never for more than 7 days in a row.
I mean, we buy the specialty stuff - skiing, wetsuit, etc - it stays here,
unless he wants to use it on a vacation with his mom. But the other stuff -
how many pairs of jeans does a 9 yo kid really need? Or is it better to do
by time, like, we should have enough clothes for him to wear for our regular
schedule for a month? I'm just screwed on winter coats, when we buy one, he
never wears it, when we don't, his mom suddenly starts sending him to school
without one on cold days.
See, although it's been better since I resigned as clothing monitor, I'm
still the one that gets complaints/"hey honey, can you buy this"-type stuff.
So if I can get into a system, then tell the guys what it is, maybe it will
shake out better.
rebecca
WhansaMi
Rebecca, not 9? :-)
Okay.... don't hit me. But, I'm having a little trouble here understanding
what you expect him to do. Maybe I don't fully understand how the visitation
schedule runs over there. I mean... do you have him over weekday nights, when
he goes to school from your house in the morning? That could be rather hard on
him, I would think. I mean, while you are very clear on what comes from where,
I can't imagine he's anywhere near as clear.
If, on the other hand, you primarily see him when he's not going to school the
next day, could you wash the clothes he came over with and have him change
before he leaves? You could probably say something like, "Oh, I know your mom
likes having all of your mom-house outfits over there... let's get changed so
you can wear them home."
Sheila
rebecca
"WhansaMi" <whan...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040927180305...@mb-m01.aol.com...
>
> Okay.... don't hit me. But, I'm having a little trouble here
understanding
> what you expect him to do. Maybe I don't fully understand how the
visitation
> schedule runs over there. I mean... do you have him over weekday nights,
when
> he goes to school from your house in the morning? That could be rather
hard on
> him, I would think. I mean, while you are very clear on what comes from
where,
> I can't imagine he's anywhere near as clear.
We've got weekday nights with a drop at school, and weekend nights with a
drop Sunday night. We live 6 blocks from his mom, this is how they've
always done it (shrug). Since there's no _way_ I'm going to make him wear
the same clothes to school two days in a row, there's some management to be
done.
You're right, though, I imagine he isn't all that clear on what clothes go
where. And he probably doesn't care much. Yet another reason why it's hard
for me to deal with the whole situation. Which would completely go away if
BM would stop being so hypocritically heinous... everything is always her
fault, you know, I'm never ever a neurotic contributor ;-p
rebecca
Melissa
>be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
>houses?
>
>rebecca
>
I don't know. We're adults and we can't keep it straight. Every summer SS
leaves things here that are from his Mom's and takes home some of what we buy.
If BM gets pissed or even notices she never says anything. SO couldn't tell
you what belongs where if his life depended on it, and when packing SS only
cares about his legos. The only article of clothing I was posessive about were
PJ's that Robotti gave SS as a present.
Love,
Melissa
"This virtual sand tastes just like real sand."
-Line from one of the cartoons SS watches.
rebecca
"Melissa" <laa...@aol.comNOSPAM> wrote in message
news:20040927201009...@mb-m14.aol.com...
>
> I don't know. We're adults and we can't keep it straight. Every summer
SS
> leaves things here that are from his Mom's and takes home some of what we
buy.
> If BM gets pissed or even notices she never says anything. SO couldn't
tell
> you what belongs where if his life depended on it, and when packing SS
only
> cares about his legos. The only article of clothing I was posessive about
were
> PJ's that Robotti gave SS as a present.
Yeah, see, if it were like a summer thing, or a school holiday thing, then I
think it would be easier. Just send all the crap - oops, I mean
belongings - back no matter where it came from. But you know, we've got to
dress the kid each and every week, when he has no pants because mom can't be
bothered to send them back, it's a huge hassle. Buying 52 pairs of
everything just strikes me as sooo wasteful. Don't want to nag BM all the
time, does no damn good anyway. So what to do? Sigh.
rebecca
jane
>Yeah, see, if it were like a summer thing, or a school holiday thing, then I
>think it would be easier. Just send all the crap - oops, I mean
>belongings - back no matter where it came from. But you know, we've got to
>dress the kid each and every week, when he has no pants because mom can't be
>bothered to send them back, it's a huge hassle. Buying 52 pairs of
>everything just strikes me as sooo wasteful. Don't want to nag BM all the
>time, does no damn good anyway. So what to do? Sigh.
>
>rebecca
I'm missing something. Does he fill his suitcase at your house and bring it
back empty? Why doesn't he just wear whatever he brought to wear and stop over
his mom's to pick up things he forgot? That's what most people do.
Have you tried having him set his clothes out the night before so that things
don't come up in the morning?
jane
Amy Lou
"rebecca"
<Snip>
> Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough to
> be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
houses?
That would depend on BM and you/DH *all* being willing to give that
responsibility to SS, wouldn't it? It looks like you are getting close to
that already. The trick is to get everybody involved to view the clothes as
*SS's* not BM's or DH's.
Amy
S&W
> Okay, maybe here's something I can use to help. What's a reasonable
amount
> of clothing to keep on hand for a kid?
Hell if i know. Let me know when you figure it out!
My older girls (12, 14) will tell you all day about how I don't buy them
enough clothes. I buy them 5 pairs of pants and bunches of shirts,
sweaters, hoodies. Paige's (14) dad usually buys her tons of clothes, too,
which he sends here for her to wear (she has the standard e.o.w. time with
him). Britt's mom buys her clothes, too, but she has to keep them at her
mom's. I have no idea how much she buys.
I know that what i buy the kids should be enough to hold them over until
Christmas, at which time they will get more clothes.
> I mean, we buy the specialty stuff - skiing, wetsuit, etc - it stays here,
> unless he wants to use it on a vacation with his mom. But the other
stuff -
> how many pairs of jeans does a 9 yo kid really need? Or is it better to
do
> by time, like, we should have enough clothes for him to wear for our
regular
> schedule for a month? I'm just screwed on winter coats, when we buy one,
he
> never wears it, when we don't, his mom suddenly starts sending him to
school
> without one on cold days.
Where do you live again, Rebecca? I wouldn't buy a coat if he won't wear
it. If he's cold, he'll wear a coat. That's a fight that is easy to give
up, imo. I had that fight with both my kids forever, and I just stopped
hassling them about it. Paige asked me recently if I would buy her a coat.
I just rolled my eyes because that kid loves to get us (her dad or me) to
spend mega bucks on her coats and then she never wears them. I think I'm
still undecided on whether I'll be buying her a coat. We live in the
pacific northwest, and it can get cold but usually doesn't.
It sounds like you're looking at spending a lot of money on clothes for the
kid. What does mom send him in? Are the clothes she provides decent?
I don't know what you should do. All I can say is that once you give it up
and let the kid be responsible for what they wear and from whose house they
get it from, the stress begins to disappear.
shay
* Calinda *
>> amount of clothing to keep on hand for a kid?
>
> Hell if i know. Let me know when you figure it out!
> My older girls (12, 14) will tell you all day about how I don't buy
> them enough clothes. I buy them 5 pairs of pants and bunches of
> shirts, sweaters, hoodies. Paige's (14) dad usually buys her tons of
> clothes, too, which he sends here for her to wear (she has the
> standard e.o.w. time with him). Britt's mom buys her clothes, too,
> but she has to keep them at her mom's. I have no idea how much she
> buys.
>
> I know that what i buy the kids should be enough to hold them over
> until Christmas, at which time they will get more clothes.
I don't know if anyone is interested in something like this, but years
ago, we put our kids on a monthly clothing allowance. I think they were
10 and 12 at that time.
They get a certain amount of money to spend (actually, not even given
money, up until now, they had to buy it with one of us present), and they
had to learn to budget what they could buy taking into consideration both
their wants and their needs.
Right now it's at 50.00 a month, though I would like to increase that, as
it's been that way for many years now.
From this money, they are required to buy anything that they wear such as
coats, hats, mittens, boots, jeans, socks, underwear, etc. You get the
picture. They know if they need to buy a winter coat that will possibly
cost them over fifty bucks, then they need to plan for that by not
spending the entire amount in Sept, so that in late Oct they can pay for
that coat.
It's easier now that they have stopped growing, but it was still doable
before. When the ex and I were sharing custody 50/50 and money was VERY
tight, we dropped it to 25.00 per month for approx eight months and they
still managed, though they needed to be thrifty about it.
DS saved his all summer long so that he would have 150.00 to spend on
clothing for college.
They do get 'extra's at holiday time, and if there is any *extraordinary
expense*, we will usually kick in for it.
For instance, DS has been accepted into the wind ensemble in college
(only freshman accepted <G>) but he needs to buy a tuxedo, because
renting it six times a year is more costly than buying.
He couldn't possibly pay for this out of this allowance, and since it is
really part of the college expense, his father and I will have to split
that cost.
Some of the rules for the clothing was that it had to be acceptable to be
worn in front of their grandparents, (i.e. no 'drug designs' and no
profanity nor nudity). That was easy to enforce, since they've never
really been into that stuff to start with. Either parent reserved the
right to refusal, which doesn't come into play *too* much with the
younger kids, but as they get older, it can.
I think it's another one of those skills kids should be taught, as it
teaches them how to plan and budget for future expenses and how to find
the value of what they're buying.
It was shortly after this (a year or two) that we started having them be
completely responsible for their clothing, from buying to laundering to
putting them away. DD's currently don't make it much further than her
bedroom, but as long as it's not in the way, I don't care..if she has
wrinkled clothing that's her problem.
Cal~
Zipadee Doodah
> Okay, audience that's made it this far, at what age is a kid old enough to
> be responsible totally for keeping all of their clothes organized across
> houses?
>
> rebecca
I seem to have a different approach than everyone whose responses
I've seen so far.
My ex pays CS. I buy ALL the clothing. It belongs to the kids and
I don't care where it is. I buy enough for them to have enough
at each house. So there are NO clothing issues. My ex never buys
them clothing nor is he expected to. (Well, except for the time
that my son forgot to pack underwear for a week long
vacation with his dad!)
There ARE some details to be kept track of. I don't duplicate
winter coats or boots and the supply of clothing for fancy occasions
is limited so sometimes when an event is coming up that needs items
of this nature I do ask the kids in advance to make sure they have it
at the appropriate house. I'm a very detail-oriented person so I'm
generally aware enough of what's coming up to tell the kids, then they
deal with the clothing. When they were younger, I would tell my
ex anytime that something was at his house that they would need at mine.
It's been this way since 1993.
The kids do their own laundry at both houses and have since they
each turned 12.
The only thing I can't figure out is how we've occasionally ended
up with one sock of a pair at my house and one at his!
-- Z
rebecca
> What does mom send him in? Are the clothes she provides decent?
Nothing. BM announced years ago that she would not provide any clothing for
him here, that she expected SO to purchase and maintain a wardrobe. This
was right at the same time that she instructed that all clothing from her
home was to be bagged and returned immediately, without being washed.
Generally, when we pick SS up, he's wearing play clothes, or something from
our home that we haven't seen all season, since he wore it to her house.
So, me being the nice, cooperative soul I am, I used to attempt to do what
she asked, and return everything straightaway. Only that meant the
continual bleeding of our wardrobe, as SS wore what he wanted (our stuff)
and it never came back, and some arguments between me/SO, who refused to get
involved in asking for them back. When I resigned as clothing monitor, he
got better, although he doesn't really care if BM's clothes make it back.
Which has made it easier to dress SS, but pisses off BM.
So I think my stress comes from general pissiness that BM's such an ass
about the whole thing and that SS still asks me when he's missing
something/wants new clothes/needs something to wear. I do refer him to his
dad about it, but since I *am* the clothing monitor for the other child in
the house, SS just assumes I'll be willing to do it for him.
rebecca
* Calinda *
> The only thing I can't figure out is how we've occasionally ended
> up with one sock of a pair at my house and one at his!
>
> -- Z
That one is easy <G> They get caught up in other clothing during the
wash or dry cycle, and isn't noticed till after it's been lugged to the
other house.
Cal~
rebecca
"* Calinda *" <CalindaSin...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns95726B5A7...@130.133.1.4...
>
> I don't know if anyone is interested in something like this, but years
> ago, we put our kids on a monthly clothing allowance. I think they were
> 10 and 12 at that time.
I like the idea, Cal, but it would still have to come with some teaching
about what he needs, and I'm totally unclear on how many clothes he *should*
have here.
rebecca
rebecca
"jane" <janel...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040927230848...@mb-m15.aol.com...
>
> I'm missing something. Does he fill his suitcase at your house and bring
it
> back empty? Why doesn't he just wear whatever he brought to wear and stop
over
> his mom's to pick up things he forgot? That's what most people do.
>
> Have you tried having him set his clothes out the night before so that
things
> don't come up in the morning?
>
Oh, I guess we're weird, then, he brings nothing.
The fetching of things he's forgotten is pretty minimal, we've had some
problems with BM arriving unnanounced at our home. Once she, um, expressed
her anger in some pretty inappropriate ways to a process server, and I don't
need that around me or my child, so I asked SO to put the kibosh on the
unannounced visits. Color me bitchy, I guess.
rebecca
The Watsons
> I like the idea, Cal, but it would still have to come with some teaching
> about what he needs, and I'm totally unclear on how many clothes he
> *should*
> have here.
How many school days do ya'll have him for, and does he have gym class?
Jess
Kathy Cole
wrote:
> I like the idea, Cal, but it would still have to come with some teaching
> about what he needs, and I'm totally unclear on how many clothes he *should*
> have here.
You've got three overnights regularly, right, plus longer visits? I'd
suggest a minimum of six outfits (seasonally-appropriate), and fill in
extras prior to longer stays. And since you've only got one night where
you completely control the clothes staying at your house, I wouldn't
spend a lot, but you knew that already.
jane
>and I'm totally unclear on how many clothes he *should*
>have here.
>
>rebecca
3 pair pants, 5 shirts, 7 pair underwear, 20 pair socks, and 2
sweater/sweatshirts.
jane
Zipadee Doodah
> ago, we put our kids on a monthly clothing allowance. I think they were
> 10 and 12 at that time.
>
> They get a certain amount of money to spend (actually, not even given
> money, up until now, they had to buy it with one of us present), and they
> had to learn to budget what they could buy taking into consideration both
> their wants and their needs.
>
> Right now it's at 50.00 a month, though I would like to increase that, as
> it's been that way for many years now.
After reading the suggestion here a few years ago, I put my daughter
on a clothing allowance. Hers is $60/month. She's 16 now and I think
she was 14 when we started.
My son liked the idea and wanted to do it but I found it didn't work
so well because he is still growing so we backed off. He is more
likely to only want stuff because he needs it rather than being into
fashion like my daughter is. So for him, I buy him stuff as he needs
it. He's 14.
-- Z
Deborah M Riel
Zipadee Doodah <phonef...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>After reading the suggestion here a few years ago, I put my daughter
>on a clothing allowance. Hers is $60/month. She's 16 now and I think
>she was 14 when we started.
>
>-- Z
I had a clothing allowance when I was about 12 or 13. It was
$12/month (times have changed!) but I didn't have to buy big ticket
items like boots or coats out of it. I had to keep a book showing
each purchase or credit to the account, just like a checkbook. It was
a great learning experience for me that has helped me immensely in
controlling my spending habits. I learned how to shop for the best
bargains, how to shop for mix and match things that would give me more
mileage out of my wardrobe and how to keep track of my money.
I haven't done this with my son mainly because he didn't have any
interest in it at all, up until this year. This year, I gave him an
amount of money to spend on clothes and we went to the mall together.
To his credit, he looked for bargains and sales and got a lot more for
the money than I thought he would. It's not quite the same as a
clothing allowance, but I still think he learned a thing or two about
bargain hunting instead of buying the latest expensive things at Hot
Topic.
I do think that at age 9, Rebecca's SS is a bit too young for a
clothing allowance. He's not too young to learn about bargain
shopping, though.
Deb R.
DrLith
You forgot:
1 Harry Potter cape, 3 stupid vacation t-shirts from g-ma and g-pa, 17
unpaired socks, and a new pair of shoes once a month.