Adult male virginity
Odins7
intercourse. I have a very strong sex drive. I achieve sexual release daily,
and "you know what I mean". Of course, SP is the main reason for this, but I
also have a paranoia of impregnating someone.
Is anyone in a remotely similiar boat? C'mon, I had the balls to post under my
real email address.
Matthew
I imagine almost every guy reading this group has had little or no
sexual experiences. I'm a virgin, I'm 27, and have an unhealthy
knowledge of porn.
David Quirk
Im 35 and a virgin, but gay. SP is a bitch.
David Broderick
extroversion. Plus I've had my good and bad periods with SP.
Dave
"Odins7" <odi...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20030625190800...@mb-m16.aol.com...
Matthew
Quite frankly my situation was inevitable. Since I was a young child
I've never been able to really relate and feel close to people
emotionally, always been cautious and detached to varying degrees,
even with my own parents. I get nothing from physical contact like
hugging, so it's not surprising I've never had sex.
I just don't connect my sexual feelings to wanting to be physically
close to someone (ok I do sometimes but I just resist the idea), to me
it's just been a physical urge (an inconvenient one sometimes) like
hunger or urinating, that I can relieve myself of without help from
others.
Jeff Stinson2626
>sexual experiences. I'm a virgin, I'm 27, and have an unhealthy
>knowledge of porn.
>
I don't think it is anything to be ashamed of. I am 30 years old and a virgin
and at least I have the knowledge that it is Social Phobia that has held me
back. Women have hit on me before but I never responded properly so they of
course just moved on and forgot about me.
Dan Ballance
well, im pretty inexpereinced, only sexual contact I've had has been
out of it on drugs and alcohol. And even then it took ridiculous
quantities! I'm in recovery now, have a very close female friend, but
am terrified to start anything with her.
Dickes Dummes Kind
Hi!
I am male, 35 years old and I had sex with a woman twice in my life. I
am single and lonely for more than 12 years now and its starting to
suck. I finished a CBT end of last year and tried to get closer to
women. But even if I have lost a lot of anxiety, I am still very shy
around women.
There were some women who approached me and tried to get in contact,
but I always freaked out and run away. If been on a very big party
(annual company summer festival) this weekend and a female coworker,
who was with me that day, tried to get closer to me. And ... I
successfully succeeded in avoiding her advances.
I am such an asshole!
Now, two days later, I would like to kick myself in the rear end for
this. I really like her, but every time I have the chance to show her
my inner feelings I get the shakes. I think I am somehow unable to
show or react according to my inner feelings.
End of rant ...
Greets
DDK
Jeff Stinson2626
>this. I really like her, but every time I have the chance to show her
>my inner feelings I get the shakes. I think I am somehow unable to
>show or react according to my inner feelings.
>
>End of rant ...
>
>Greets
>
>DDK
Are you avoiding her because you fear that she will dump you when she spots
some weaknesses in your personality?
I have also been an Avoidant and lately I have looked back on some memories
and realized how badly I must have hurt some women. Particularly there was this
pretty blonde who smiled at me several times and was really trying to get close
to me, I gave her an angry look one day and I could tell by the reaction of her
face that she was crushed.
I guess Psychologically I was hurting her to get some sort of symbolic revenge
on all of those cheerleaders in High School who laughed at me and thought I was
ugly but it's really not fair for one sweet lady to be forced to pay for past
sins that she was in no way responsible for. Avoidants make the mistake of
seeing people as a collective without realizing that we are hurting individuals
who have never abused us and took no part in our traumatic past.
berry
------------------------------------------
I think you guys have given me an answer to a question I have been
pondering for more years than you can imagine. After reading ALL the
posts today ---his problem IS sp. Depression fits in there too - but
I "think" that's a result of the sp. Ran away from my advances for
about 10 months (his words -- we should wait for marriage). We did..
wedding night -- he crossed his arms over his chest pretending to
be asleep while I changed. Had never been 'close' to a female
before. (was 31 yrs) The marriage has not been close to great.
Feel like he's a roommate most years. No show of emotions --- but a
'nice, chatty guy' to others. Must be extremely hard work to keep up
that facade - beyond the front door. (oh yes, self-medicated
for years with alcohol ------bad, bad, bad) None past 8 yrs--- and
on Celexa - 20mg. (Zoloft, Klonopin in the past) I think it needs
to be upped a little --- but I doubt he would ask his psych doc
about it. Also, maybe anti-anxiety like Xanax or Klonopin again.
I am not privy (through him) to know what he and the doc
talk about. Maybe not what should be talked about? (fear?) Can't have
any really serious talks with him at times, cuz that's the last thing
he wants most times. Tooo close and to shut off the conversation - he
verbally starts in on me. Talk = over.
I really feel for people with sp - and can understand the misery
that comes with it and so difficult to get it under some good
control. But anyway, now I'm fairly sure -- that sex scared
the heck out of him. Intimacy, closeness, etc. - for fear of
rejection. So -- thanks, guys, for that..........and a better
tomorrow for all of you.
Dickes Dummes Kind
> Are you avoiding her because you fear that she will dump you when she spots
> some weaknesses in your personality?
Yes, thats one of the reasons why I avoid getting too close to women
or even fall in love with one. Its the fear of being rejected when I
show my inner self. My experiences with dating are all negative and
I've been hurt way to much in the past. I am also trying to avoid to
be hurt again.
If a woman tries to get in contact with me, I think she is expecting a
certain degree of experience, both in life and sex. I have zero
experience. Even if I am 35 now, I don't feel like an adult. For me it
feels like being 15 or 16 years old.
> I have also been an Avoidant and lately I have looked back on some memories
> and realized how badly I must have hurt some women. Particularly there was this
> pretty blonde who smiled at me several times and was really trying to get close
> to me, I gave her an angry look one day and I could tell by the reaction of her
> face that she was crushed.
Been there, done that ;) I've been on a concert with a close friend
some months ago. While I was at the bar to get something to drink, a
really beautifull blonde girl suddenly stood in my way. She looked
right at me, smiling. I tried to pass her on her left side, she did a
step to the right, and vice versa. It looked like a scene right out of
a slapstick movie. Finally I managed to get pass her while my heart
beats like a drum and I am sweating like a pig. She looked at me the
whole time, even some time later, when I looked around to see if she
is still watching me. She looked very pissed and finally she seems to
be angry.
> Avoidants make the mistake of
> seeing people as a collective without realizing that we are hurting individuals
> who have never abused us and took no part in our traumatic past.
You are right, particulary. I dont want to be hurt again. That is my
biggest fear. If I get into a situation which can - in even the
wickedest way - end up with me emotionally shattered, I start to
avoid. I can chat with women if I didnt find them attractive. If they
are attractive: no way.
Bye
DDK
william
year.
good luck :)
"Odins7" <odi...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20030625190800...@mb-m16.aol.com...
Secret
news:3f054...@news.iprimus.com.au:
Yes, another wondrful attribute of this disease. I had my first
experience at 27, and 22 years later, have not yet had another.
Jim Summers87
>experience at 27, and 22 years later, have not yet had another.
I feel that from the ages of 13-23 in which other people were learning about
the social world around them and also of course the world of dating and the
opposite sex, I learned NOTHING. I didn't have a girl flirt with me until I was
20 years old and I didn't even realize what was going on until long after she
was no longer in my presence.
I'm 30 years old now and only now do I feel like I understand flirting
signals, etc...
Kamin
> Yes, another wondrful attribute of this disease. I had my first
> experience at 27, and 22 years later, have not yet had another.
I was almost 27 the first time...just one night. Then a few times more
than fourteen years later (that was nearly five years ago and for a
variety of reasons not very successful). Since then nothing. It no
longer bothers me to the extent that it did, however it's only in the
last couple of years that I have been able to attribute my problems to
SP. I mean, why else would I prefer to live like a hermit?
Bingo
news:20030712165522...@mb-m14.aol.com:
Yes, exactly. AT 48, I *still* miss them. I usually think she must be
like that with everybody and I'm misinterpretting (which, of course,
I also do)!
Bingo
news:20030713191...@news.zen.co.uk:
People are such a pain in the ass, that's why! But, yes, I know what
you mean. I sit around on weekend nights thinking I should be out
*somewhere* doing somethng, but I can't think of anything that
doesn't trigger problems. So I watch "Cops."
Kamin
>
> People are such a pain in the ass, that's why! But, yes, I know what
> you mean. I sit around on weekend nights thinking I should be out
> *somewhere* doing somethng, but I can't think of anything that
> doesn't trigger problems. So I watch "Cops."
>
I used the think I should be out "enjoying myself", but of course if I
did go out I usually didn't (enjoy myself). Nowadays I actually prefer
spending my weekends and weekend nights on my own watching TV with a few
beers or glasses of wine.
Kamin
>
> I feel that from the ages of 13-23 in which other people were
> learning about the social world around them and also of course the
> world of dating and the opposite sex, I learned NOTHING. I didn't have
> a girl flirt with me until I was 20 years old and I didn't even
> realize what was going on until long after she was no longer in my
> presence.
>
> I'm 30 years old now and only now do I feel like I understand
> flirting signals, etc...
>
I'm nearly 46 and I still don't understand it. Here is a case in point
and perhaps people can help me out: for the past few weeks I have been
able to "catch the eye" (I think) of a woman at work. I usually see her
in passing in the restaurant or in the gym. I glance over she glances
back or it's the other way around. A couple of times I have definitely
caught her looking over at me. This sort of thing is actually very
unusual these days.
Today in the restaurant she was behind me as I was getting some water
and she seemed to stand near me in such a way that it was unavoidable
for me to bump into her (which I duly did) and she was very quick with a
smile and an apology (which I reciprocated), and a gentle touch on my
arm (difficult considering she was carrying a tray).
Now the other strange thing about this is that she's attractive, fit,
blonde and I would judge no older than middle 20's (i.e. almost half my
age).
Am I reading too much into this? I can't help thinking that I am.
Any thoughts?
Cheers,
K.
John Jay
From your description, she's definately interested. The gentle touch
on the arm should clinch any doubts.
Don't talk yourself out of it.
Kamin
>>
>>I'm nearly 46 and I still don't understand it. Here is a case in
>>point and perhaps people can help me out: for the past few weeks I
>>have been able to "catch the eye" (I think) of a woman at work. I
>>usually see her in passing in the restaurant or in the gym. I glance
>>over she glances back or it's the other way around. A couple of
>>times I have definitely caught her looking over at me. This sort of
>>thing is actually very unusual these days. Today in the restaurant
>>she was behind me as I was getting some water and she seemed to stand
>>near me in such a way that it was unavoidable for me to bump into her (
>>which I duly did) and she was very quick with a smile and an apology (
>>which I reciprocated), and a gentle touch on my arm (difficult
>>considering she was carrying a tray). Now the other strange thing
>>about this is that she's attractive, fit, blonde and I would judge no
>>older than middle 20's (i.e. almost half my age). Am I reading too
>>much into this? I can't help thinking that I am. Any thoughts?
>>Cheers, K.
>
> From your description, she's definately interested. The gentle touch
> on the arm should clinch any doubts.
>
> Don't talk yourself out of it.
>
>
Thanks for the reply. I agree it is encouraging, but I do feel it's
difficult for me to actually make a move given the apparent age
difference.
My other big problem is procrastination. It has haunted me throughout
my life and been the cause of many a missed opportunity.
Bingo
news:20030715220...@news.zen.co.uk:
Me too, countless times. As they, indecision IS a decision. A
decision to do nothing, and usually, to get nothing!
Dan Ballance
>In <20030712165522...@mb-m14.aol.com> Jim Summers87 wrote:
>
>Am I reading too much into this? I can't help thinking that I am.
>
only one way to find out. even if you are it doesn't matter. Can't
you ask her out for a drink at lunch or after work or something. Think
of some common ground to talk about. You don't atually have to be
making a play, just being friendly. Test the water. She sounds
interested to me ;-)
riccip
>Kamin <ka...@ressik.com> wrote:
>> My other big problem is procrastination. It has haunted me
>> throughout my life and been the cause of many a missed
>> opportunity.
>>
>
>Me too, countless times. As they, indecision IS a decision. A
>decision to do nothing, and usually, to get nothing!
Procrastination is also one of my vices, always has been. No
problem in making a decision, nor once I get moving on something.
But getting started can be a real drag.
I'd be interested to see if it's common among SPs.
Anyone else?
Riccip
================================================
***"Do I have SOCIAL PHOBIA?"
http://www.mge.clara.net/sp/spdef.htm
None
> Procrastination is also one of my vices, always has been. No
> problem in making a decision, nor once I get moving on something.
> But getting started can be a real drag.
>
> I'd be interested to see if it's common among SPs.
> Anyone else?
For me the decision usually takes longer. Unless the resulting work
really sucks I'll often procrastinate...
Kamin
Dan Ballance <DanBa...@noSpamexcite.com> wrote:
In an ideal world this would be the approach to take; however I don't
live in an ideal world. I'm still not convinced that there is any real
interest and I'm *so* hung up on the possible age difference of 20
years, or so (in spite of the fact that I'm only mostly interested in
much younger women!).
My preferred approach would be to smile and say hi whenever I see her in
the future and see what reaction I get. If I found out her name I could
then maybe start by e-mailing or instant messaging. There's usually too
many people around otherwise - great embarrassment potential.
It's just that I haven't been anywhere near a woman for nearly five
years and that really killed what little confidence I had (think
"control freak", "mind games", etc.). I came out of that thinking that
I'm much better off alone and indeed wanting to be so. Up until now
nobody has shown much interest and that's actually made life a lot
easier...
Anyway, I appreciate your and anyone elses input, considering I'm a
newbie here (lurking for a couple of weeks). I feel like a bit of a
jerk actually - I should have grown out of this over a quarter of a
century ago! And therin lies another problem...any woman I now meet
would expect me to be an experienced "man of the world" which I clearly
am not...
John Jay
>In article <191ahvkgts7893g20...@4ax.com>,
> Dan Ballance <DanBa...@noSpamexcite.com> wrote:
>
>> On 15 Jul 2003 20:26:40 GMT, Kamin <ka...@ressik.com> wrote:
>>
>> >In <20030712165522...@mb-m14.aol.com> Jim Summers87 wrote:
>>
>> >
>> >Am I reading too much into this? I can't help thinking that I am.
>> >
>> only one way to find out. even if you are it doesn't matter. Can't
>> you ask her out for a drink at lunch or after work or something. Think
>> of some common ground to talk about. You don't atually have to be
>> making a play, just being friendly. Test the water. She sounds
>> interested to me ;-)
>
>In an ideal world this would be the approach to take; however I don't
>live in an ideal world. I'm still not convinced that there is any real
>interest and I'm *so* hung up on the possible age difference of 20
>years, or so (in spite of the fact that I'm only mostly interested in
>much younger women!).
What about the age difference bothers you? Is it that you think
they'll be a maturaty gap between the two of you? This is a realistic
presumption. It is possible though, that she is mature for her age and
desires older men because she finds guys her own age immature. It is
also possible that she believes that guys her own age are only
interested in sex and that an older guy would be interested in her for
more complex reasons.
So, the question is, what's so bad about having an immature girlfriend
who is nevertheless very attractive and young? It sounds like you want
a little excitement in your life and just need a slight push. She
could certainly give it to you.
>My preferred approach would be to smile and say hi whenever I see her in
>the future and see what reaction I get. If I found out her name I could
>then maybe start by e-mailing or instant messaging. There's usually too
>many people around otherwise - great embarrassment potential.
You should ask around the office to get her name.
If she is interested in you, it is reasonable to assume that if you
make an effort, she'll make sure an accomodating situation arises for
you to ask her on a date. Women have a way with these things that us
mere men will never understand.
>It's just that I haven't been anywhere near a woman for nearly five
>years and that really killed what little confidence I had (think
>"control freak", "mind games", etc.). I came out of that thinking that
>I'm much better off alone and indeed wanting to be so. Up until now
>nobody has shown much interest and that's actually made life a lot
>easier...
In many ways we are slaves to our hormones. Perhaps you needed a rest
from your last relationship. Maybe the feelings you are experiencing
now are a sign that your mind thinks the time for rest has come to an
end.
>Anyway, I appreciate your and anyone elses input, considering I'm a
>newbie here (lurking for a couple of weeks).
A lot of people here seem to have rather intractible problems that
aren't easily solved. It sounds like you just need encouragement. I'm
sure people here sensed that and were eager to help.
> I feel like a bit of a
>jerk actually - I should have grown out of this over a quarter of a
>century ago! And therin lies another problem...any woman I now meet
>would expect me to be an experienced "man of the world" which I clearly
>am not...
Any girl in her 20s might want a "man of the world" but she'll have no
idea what one is or what one does because she'll have little
experience with them.
Don't overthink the situation.
Kamin
John Jay <jjay...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Don't overthink the situation.
I can't really argue with you, John and you hit the nail on the head;
another problem I have is that I over-analyse everything...leading
to...procrastination (see elsewhere in this thread). I'll see how it
goes and let you know. Thanks for the encouragement.
David
34 years old and have never had a girl friend or intimacy with a woman. I
too have a very strong sex drive and have used porn as an outlet. I
discovered a few years ago my problems were from SAD. I get depressed when
I think about missing out on my younger years when I was at my sexual peak.
Now days, I often wish I would die a quick, painless death so I wouldn't
think about it anymore ;-(
Jim Summers87
>a woman. In fact, I've never even gone on a date with a girl. This
>isolation from the opposite sex has only alienated me from society, and from
>all the normal people who were dating in their teenage years. Not having
>had sex is not what bothers me, but rather that I've never been loved in my
>entire life....
Yes, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am alienated from society
because I haven't experienced the pleasures in life that they have. I'm 30 and
a virgin and it eats me up inside. I've never even attempted to flirt with a
woman..women flirt with me but I'm always too shocked by the fact that it's
really happening to behave properly. I become completely unglued and start
having a panic attack.
The last girl who flirted with me started rubbing my back and said what a
smart guy I was. I was too afraid to even turn around and look at her which
made her finally give up pursuing me. I usually try to talk to women in a group
setting so that other people can help along the conversation. In a One-on-One
conversation with a woman I completely fall apart, I start sweating badly and
my body movements become very strange and neurotic...and usually the woman
notices my discomfort and stops talking to me.
MrUK4U
virgin(and, also, with a very high sex drive).
Yes, I've used porn/phone sex/been to see peep shows/strip shows/-etc.
I also tried going to visit prostitutes...either speaking to them on the
street/or, inside of whorehouses,...how much? But, quite frankly, I both felt
very deeply embarassed, and, ashamed of myself, as well...; like just how low
do I have to go?! And, do I really want sex(which with whores is a purely
financial cold business transaction)/or, is it the warmth of feeling well loved
which I need, instead?! As well as, I feared too much the possibility of ever
contracting any serious diseases(AIDS/-etc.). Thus, I never once was able to go
through with it.
Though, I'm not too sure if I should feel sorry(never having had sex, yet!)/or,
feel really glad over this(preferring to keep things on a totally real level -
completely disagree with getting involved with wholly false love - which the
mere thought of makes me wanna be totally sick...I think, if you try to love a
person who doesn't, truly, love you...then, that sort of situation can only
lead to self-hatred.../as well as, hating them, too).
I have to ask myself what do I, really and truly, want from out of a
male-female relationship. And, I just want to be loved/respected/cared
for/understood by, at least, one other on the planet! So, whores are far too
emotionally detached for me to ever endure-basically, they don't care less
about you...so much as about getting money, alone! But, what I want is a
'normal' sort of heterosexual relationship/and, not 'abnormal'.
Plus, there is too the guilt, the shame, of having being brought up in a strict
religion...went to Roman Catholic church. I feel like going with whores is just
plain wrong. And, would even be taking full advantage of anothers misery. Like
I should be helping them to stop whoring...instead, of thinking of helping them
to continue with doing it!
As to having had relationships with more 'normal' girls. All I can say
is...yes, some girls have fancied me...and, come on to me...but, then, I just
tended to completely freak out...not even knowing how the hell to react to
it??? I, generally, end up shooting off the other way, and, as fast as is
possible!
Like, once, I'm in a work place...and, everybody is going home...and, it's just
me and this blonde girl left behind in the room. Then, all of a sudden she
starts touching me...and, saying, 'you're sexy!' And, I'm like, what the hell
is going on here?! Because, I just wasn't, like all of a sudden, expecting this
to happen...; and, basically, even as she touched me...and, a part of me was
saying, yes...; another part of me was saying, no...too shocked/surprised, I
guess! I pushed her hands away...not roughly, but, gently. And, eventually, she
felt embarassed, and, gave up. I don't understand why I find myself being in
two minds when confronted with such situations.../maybe, I just need to proceed
far more slow...and, things are going along far too quick...which is more than
I can, actually, handle!
Another time, I was in a sub way train. When this tall blonde girl came, and,
stood with her back right up against my front. Well, very much to my surprise,
I started to get a full -(out of control)- errection, instantly...; and, there
was nothing I could do about it...to control it...by mentally telling it to go
back down, again...I mean, everything I say in my head...it's just not
listening to?! All I can feel is like soft/warm flesh hotly digging into
me...and, I'm like looking at beautiful face/hair/eyes/breasts/-etc. Of course,
this girl is looking back at me, rather curiously...; and, I'm really not too
sure where the hell to look, next??? Like will she think I'm a total pervert!!!
So, I just try and keep dead poker faced all throughout the journey...waiting
for the next stop to come up...so, I can get the hell out of there. Well,
curiously enough, the girl didn't move off of me. Instead, she just merely
stood there still for minutes. When the train stopped...we both continued with
eying up one another...but, I just couldn't find the words to go ask her
out...so, eventuallyu, I went my way.../she went hers. That was it!
As to me approaching girls...yes, I've tried that quite a few times, too, as
well. Though, each time with feeling utter trepidation. As I really fear
rejection. But, I think, it's just merely a part of the dating game...that when
you ask a person out...not everybody is going to accept you, right away...some
will reject you...and, so, you are just going to have to learn to cope with
this.
Largely due to my fears of ever getting rejected...I do not tend to ask girls
out, point blank, like that. Instead, I try to merely get engaged with them in
some sort of conversation...'I hope you don't mind my talking to you...; but,
do you live around here? What sort of work do you do?/-etc.' Sometimes, in this
way I manage to get into really long conversations with girls...; but, I just
seem to grow increasingly scared to go ask them out the more I talk with
them...though, I'm not exactly sure why this is?! Maybe, it's because when I
talk to them for long...I tend to see them more as a being a brain.../and, not
just as being a body, anymore?! Anyway, so far to date, our conversation tends
to end in...bye/thanks very much for the chat/good luck/take care!
One other curious thing I've found about relationships is...sometimes, girls
who I can't stand...tend to really fancy me...then, I will just try to look/or,
move away. And, sometimes, -though, certainly, not always- girls who I can't
resist...seem to can't stand me(unrequited love)?! That always drives me nuts!
Too, girls who I find truly mouth wateringly irresistable...I get totally
scared of...and, feel like I could never have enough guts to go ask them
out...or, indeed, ask them absolutley anything, atall...can't even say a single
word...instead, I totally clam up...dead worried that whatever I say might come
out sounding just totally damned foolish! 'God, you look incredible!' So, I
just look(trying my best not to stare), and, end up saying...nothing! Just come
away feeling like a total complete useless utter fool.
Well, I could go on...but, the main point is...I'm still a VIRGIN(which, to me,
is really no big deal...in the Roman Catholic church the rule is...no
sex/before marriage)...; but, far worse that this is...the feeling of just
having never been loved...; which can sometimes make one feel like being,
hateable, instead/or, just not a part of the rest of humanity, a wholly 'alien'
being.
The good thing is one never really needs to give up...; at least, not yet...as
I'm still aged only, 40...which is like middle aged. But, many times, I do
wonder to myself...how will I ever cope with having handle really close
relationships with the opposite sex??? Maybe, I will learn...; then, again,
maybe, not...! The truth is honestly don't know. I think, that with age,
though, a certain degree of shyness/former inhibitions tends to leave you...as
you feel you've already seen/witnessed it all, more or less...; but, for the
Social Phobic...I think, shyness/inhibitions/and, all sorts of other fearful
hang ups never really leave one, altogeather!
Jim Summers87
>is...yes, some girls have fancied me...and, come on to me...but, then, I just
>tended to completely freak out...not even knowing how the hell to react to
>it??? I, generally, end up shooting off the other way, and, as fast as is
>possible!
I've told this story before on the Shyness Newsgroup but some of the people
here might enjoy reading it again..I was 20 years old when I had my first real
one-on-one conversation with a female. Seriously I had never even spoken to a
female before I was 20!!!
Well, this girl in this college class begins flirting with me, she was
looking into my eyes, smiling, and giggling, and she even asked me if I wanted
to kiss her but of course I didn't respond. Then later, I overheard her talking
to another girl in a different class row and the girl who liked me said out
loud, "I want to suck his dick." I heard it at the time and only later on did I
fully understand that she had been talking about me...
transient individual
> I'm in the same boat -- never had a girlfriend or any sort of intimacy with
> a woman. In fact, I've never even gone on a date with a girl. This
> isolation from the opposite sex has only alienated me from society, and from
> all the normal people who were dating in their teenage years. Not having
> had sex is not what bothers me, but rather that I've never been loved in my
> entire life....
I feel the same way, but a huge monkey would be off my back if I did lose it.
>
> Also, just a suggestion, but if you guys have never had sex and really want
> to, then why not just see a prostitute? You wouldn't be the first to do so.
A fear of STD's.
>
> -Adeimantos
>
> "David" <nos...@home.net> wrote in message
> news:Wp2Sa.412$gi.4...@news2.news.adelphia.net...
cellardoor
> "Adeimantos" <adeim...@cox.net> wrote in message
news:<enfZa.19374$tf.13189@lakeread03>...
> I'm in the same boat -- never had a girlfriend or any sort of intimacy
with
> a woman. In fact, I've never even gone on a date with a girl. This
> isolation from the opposite sex has only alienated me from society, and
from
> all the normal people who were dating in their teenage years. Not having
> had sex is not what bothers me, but rather that I've never been loved in
my
> entire life....
>
this is not simply a male bastion.
but the fact it is frequently described on usenet as being limited to males
makes me reinforce my belief that i am a freak and separate to my gender and
the human race as a whole.
MrUK4U
this is not simply a male bastion.
but the fact it is frequently described on usenet as being limited to males
makes me reinforce my belief that i am a freak and separate to my gender and
the human race as a whole.
<<<
That's perfectly true, too. I agree. There must be plenty of women out there
who have never had sex, too, as well. Who might feel unsexy/or, in some way,
otherwise, inadequate...don't look, or, feel 'right'...not model-like
enough.../or, who have been utterly mistreated by the opposite sex...by
family/friends/strangers...having run into far too agressive attitudes(men see
us as being bitches/hoes/-etc.)...that makes them feel dead 'scared' to get
involved with relationships. So, yes, as far as I'm concerned, this phenomenon
is hardly confined to just purely one single sex, alone. And, therefore, you're
by no means a 'freak'. Maybe, it's just that because girls are NOT usually
meant to be seen as being agressive sexually, in making the first move, for
example...so, that's why we find far less of them quite openly sharing this
subject about themselves here on usenet???
cellardoor
"MrUK4U" <mru...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20030816092533...@mb-m02.aol.com...
at alt.support.shyness, no female is allowed to suggest that they have never
been on a date etc.
there, females are regarded as having it easy. and anything other than that
is regarded as lies or purely their own fault.
i was not speaking of the physical element which you picked up on.
i was speaking of never having the opportunity to love or be loved. never
having been on a date, let alone anything else.
and the poster to whom i responded mentioned the fact that they feel sad
about the missing out on 'love', which is the unattainable thing which
causes the lump in the throat or the lingering sadness or tears when alone,
not the missing out on the physical aspect which you focus on. that is the
thing. the inability to ever love or be loved, the consequent inability to
have a child. those things. it is beyond even fantastical notions to ever
imagine myself in a situation rendering any of that even remotely possible.
the physical aspect is frightening and utterly ridiculous to even
contemplate, but the notion of 'loving' someone and the absence of that
leaves behind a sense of bereftness.
as for all the reasons you pointed out, social anxiety transcends any of
those. terror, fear and a self-belief in one's worthlessness are the
factors. the ones you mention seem more applicable to 'regular' females who
might feel they are having a bad hair day or whatever.
MrUK4U
as for all the reasons you pointed out, social anxiety transcends any of
those. terror, fear and a self-belief in one's worthlessness are the
factors. the ones you mention seem more applicable to 'regular' females who
might feel they are having a bad hair day or whatever.
<<<
We all have different reasons as to precisely why we do what we do.../too,
think the way we think.../and, explaining sure helps to clear up an awful
lot./-Thanks!-/;-)/(Sorry, if I got it all wrong when I was merely just
guessing?!)
>>>terror, fear and a self-belief in one's worthlessness are the factors.<<<
...yes, all that does make perfect sense...; because, to me, it is every bit
equally applicable, as well.
Jim Summers87
>age are: a) socially anxious people or b) the few people (most likely
>religious) who are waiting to be married before having sex. The rest of the
>world is fucking like there's no tomorrow.
>
>-Adeimantos
Yes, as people from category a) socially anxious it is more difficult for
people to understand us than category b..the religious people seem more normal
than us because no one accepts SP as a doctrine, to them it's just "Crazy"
MrUK4U
about this rather dum 'virginity' thing.
Ok, so this dumb broad decided to go and drop down her draws, like all of a
sudden. And, this dickhead guy decided to go stick it inside her. Yea, wow,
ever so utterly brilliant. Truly, top marks! A real pair of GENIUSES, I'm sure!
Because, I think, that's mostly to do with other people sticking really awful
labels on you...purely, in order to make you feel both highly
over-anxious.../as well as, most deeply inadequate! Just so that they can get
to feel real big about themselves...and, through having put you right down.
But, in fact, many of the girls who I spoke to online...almost invariably tell
me that they did NOT enjoy their 1st sexual experience, atall...because, no 1,
they did NOT come...and, no 2, it was all over with just far too damn quick!
As to the boy...I don't think he even cared less about any of the girls
feelings...or else, maybe, he would have been far more truly patient, and,
loving...but, no, he was in such an awful hurry to loose it, and, ever so damn
quick!
The last girl who I spoke to about this...said she had felt deeply hurt, sad,
bitter, used! And, basically, didn't trust guys, afterwards.
Well, hell, if I did care so much about this stupid Virginity label...then, I'd
go buy me a whore real damn quick...and, just get it all over with! And, if
necessary wear a brown paper bag over my head/face if that helps the poor
prostitute from having to go see what I do, actually, look like?!
Naw, to me, all that is complete sheer craziness. And, needless to say just not
worth the effort(far too damn degrading/as well as, scary, could lead to
disease - and, possibly, permanent, too!). Where is the love in that sort of
relationship which is merely based on pleasing others -(but, not YOU)- purely
due to fear of what others might think?!
I say f**k what others think! And, just go please yourself, instead. Do others
go out of their way to please you...; just because you think they are behaving
like total assholes...; do they even attempt to change their behaviours?! No, I
do very much doubt it. So, I'm not going to change any of my own behaviours to
go please them, neither.
My aim is pure and simple...try to learn to accept me as I am...try to learn to
love and respect me as I am...try to learn to understand me as I am...and,
also, understand and accept that it really is ok to be 'different'. Because, in
reality, none of us are all the 'same', anyway...; no, not even normal
people...they are 'different' from one another, too!
And, I personally believe once I've started to learn to accept myself more...;
and, stop rejecting myself, altogeather...; then, others will also find me a
hell of a lot more appealing/attractive, and, fun to want to be around.
Basically, I'm just generally far too deeply anxious/nervous/tense...through,
constantly, worrying about ever getting myself rejected by others?! And, that
sort of really fearful behaviour...I think, is why people tend to look down on
me...as it shows having practically no self-confidence, atall!
Once, I can get rid of this huge ridiculous fear, though, which comes from I
know not where, exactly?! Then, I will be able to get involved in having, and,
keeping relationships with both sexes...and, share having sexual feelings,
too...that is, should I ever wish it...whether choosing to go 'do it' either
outside/or, inside of marriage???
But, first, I most learn to, truly, LOVE myself. (And, stop the endless self
put downs, and, HATING!)
And, should the worse ever come to the worse...such as should I go die a
Virgin...then, so what?! Like...real BIG deal!
-(I think, in this life...which is no rehearsal, after all...so, you've only
got just the one opportunity, alone...don't go wasting it by doing things that
are really stupid...instead, it's important to be true to you...and, do exactly
what you want...not what others want you to do...but, of course, this all takes
plenty of strength of character...sometimes, I admit, my own inner strength
does tend to both wax/wane...so, if you decide to go break your own
rules...feel free to go FORGIVE yourself, too...after all, nobody's perfect! )-
cellardoor
>
> We all have different reasons as to precisely why we do what we do.../too,
> think the way we think.../and, explaining sure helps to clear up an awful
> lot./-Thanks!-/;-)/(Sorry, if I got it all wrong when I was merely just
> guessing?!)
>
sorry.
> >>>terror, fear and a self-belief in one's worthlessness are the
factors.<<<
>
> ...yes, all that does make perfect sense...; because, to me, it is every
bit
> equally applicable, as well.
>
>
they are applicable to the socially anxious person. they are not really
applicable to 'regular' human beings.
LilithOMalley
>who have never had sex
There are women and men who don't even want sex. They are called asexual.Look
at this link. These people don't feel flawed or cheated at all.
LilithOMalley
>From: "Adeimantos" adeim...@cox.net
>
>I know that in some countries where prostitution and brothels are legal
>(like Greece, for instance) that prostitues must have licenses to offer
>their "services". Each month they need to be checked for
>sexually-transmitted diseases in order to get their licenses updated so as
>to be able to continue serving their "patrons" as it were.
>
>-Adeimantos
>
That is also the case in Las Vegas.
Unknown
I frequently indulge/suffer procrastination (the thief of time). The
cruel irony is that I know that I waste more energy procrastinating
then by attempting the activity which is causing me stress. If I could
have broken out of this habit years ago I would have qualified as a
lawyer and been made a partner in a firm by now! Why not try setting
small, manageable targets on a daily basis to break this habit.
Unfortunately, procrastination is a symptom of my anxiety
state/disorder.
Mart
Richard James
> Hi,
>
> I frequently indulge/suffer procrastination (the thief of time). The
> cruel irony is that I know that I waste more energy procrastinating
> then by attempting the activity which is causing me stress. If I could
> have broken out of this habit years ago I would have qualified as a
> lawyer and been made a partner in a firm by now! Why not try setting
> small, manageable targets on a daily basis to break this habit.
>
> Unfortunately, procrastination is a symptom of my anxiety
> state/disorder.
I have procrastination so bad I found out it is fear of success of success
anorexia. It is based on my low self esteem. I am currently reading a book
on the subject "permission to succeed" by Noah St John. It looks pretty
good so far and in some ways has anagolous teachings to CBT.
Richard :)
John Jay
What do you think holds you back (specifically, not just the broad
topic of self esteem)?
>Richard :)
lost...@none.non
>What do you think holds you back (specifically, not just the broad
>topic of self esteem)?
fear of being judged, found wanting, and put down as a result, not being
*allowed* to fight back, then feeling really crappy about myself
but.. when my back is against the wall, OR I'm acting to help somebody
else, the above doesn't apply. Why? others are allowed to be selfish and
pursue what they want. I guess I was thought that it was bad to do it for
me.